THE ONLTHE ONLTHE ONLTHE ONLTHE ONL Y SUMBISSION TO THE CONTEST Y SUMBISSION TO THE CONTEST Y SUMBISSION TO THE CONTEST Y SUMBISSION TO THE CONTEST Y SUMBISSION TO THE CONTEST
But it’s Whining Loser’s, and it’s really long.
1: Clegg checks downstairs to find but only one ball2: Clegg is oft heard to lament that his prick is much too small3: There are three campus ducks that Clegg longs to caress4: Clegg’s a fag. 4 days to IRS!5: Clegg claims to rate ***** atop the stage6: The number quoted regarding Clegg’s emotional age7: The inches Clegg believes are in his dick 8: The centimetres in the aforementioned prick 9: Clegg can deep throat up to nine strong men a day10: Clegg’s rating on the scale from straight to gay11: The number Clegg believes to form a dozen12: The tally for Clegg-sodomies by his cousin13: The seconds it takes Clegg to chug a beer14: The seconds it takes Clegg to cream your rear15: The age at which Clegg did lose his cherry16: The months after that he still found sheep dogs scary17: Clegg’s only hope: 17 year old fat chicks18: Clegg’s weekly average: 18 rapid crotch kicks19: The age at which young Clegg arrived at Waterloo20: The sex-trick count Clegg longs to try on you21: At last our Clegg can drink down in the states22: Deep down south they’re keen on how he mates23: At 23 Beethoven composed a symphony24: At 24 Clegg plans to drink his pee25: Clegg once sold himself for but a quarter26: She wanted him to stuff in 26 lbs of mortar27: Clegg’s always been into 3 times 928: At 3pm you see he too ate 9' intestine29: Clegg plans to stay at age 29 in secret stealth30: Over 30 he feels he wouldn’t trust himself 31: “Only 31 days a month” Clegg is often heard to nag32: “Thirty-two would yield one more to be a fag”33: Clegg always had a taste for the palindromic34: This trait and 34 others make him out to be moronic35: Clegg fondly dreams of children at the age of 3536: When 36 comes with nought he’ll no longer wish to be alive37: An attempt to jump at the age of 37 will fall through38: When 38 crazed orangutangs arrive with plans to screw39: Clegg believes this number to be highly dense40: He’s only 40% right- Yttrium taunts him hence41: Did that last one make some sense to any of you?42: If the answer is 42 the question is Clegg’s IQ43: Sometimes I feel bad, Dave Clegg, to mock you in this way44: A palindrome again. Did I mention you are gay?45: A Colt 45 revolver is not required here46: My angry pen will soften up with a peaceful can of beer47: Clegg’s big on geography- “Knows all 47 states”48: While those around contain their secret silent hates49: Clegg has scored a few of these on tests50: There’s 50 states you fucking tool. Please defecate on breasts51: Shit. I missed my reference to the brew called Labatt 5052: Perhaps a fifty-two letter line instead will be thought a nifty53: Clegg plans to “rock his roll” just like back in ’5354: Except that he’s a giant nerd with a mouth that sucks for free55: Clegg has been known to sell himself for 55 cents56: L.T. has been a client, Sting once did him on a fence57: Ripley’s been asleep awhile but Clegg’s been hard at work 58: He yanks 58 cocks a day- any less would be to shirk 59: The second count for Clegg to get red hot60: The lifetime count when Clegg to douche forgot61: Clegg loses at leap frog by a score of 6 to 162: How to play? Don’t ask. It’s Clegg and anal fun63: All 63 of Clegg’s hamsters report a sphincter tear64: Well Clegg’s getting older now, losing all his hair65: Clegg gets excited by the stench of pumping poo66: Humps are to him as goals to Mario Lemieux67: Clegg brags of 67 partners in his life68: Not counting animals, the dead, or Barby’s wife69: Clegg wants to find someone with whom to 6981: In ’81 he sort of learned to walk 82: Sort of because he still can’t make it round the block 83: Clegg’s all time best: An 83 in “Hot and Sweaty Man Love”84: It’s listed as SMF 384. The pre-rec is “A proven skill to shove”85: In ’85 Clegg learned to bend and count86: Both would later come in handy when he tried a duck to mount87: I can feel it, smell it, a palindrome is on the way88: Now it’s upon us and I don’t know what to say89: In ’89 down did come the Berlin wall90: For 90 days Clegg lobbied to have “autumn” changed to “fall”91: This battle foreshadowed his later life’s great struggles92: With some 92 Engsoc dorks all wanting Cleggy snuggles93: In ’93 Clegg entered high school, what a treat!94: All those bigger boys with whom to spank his meat95: Clegg once wished for peace and love and lucre96: But back in ’96 he settled for his current stupor97: In ’97 Clegg felt sad he’d miss his daily screw98: For the next year he was to enter Waterloo99: How foolish he was in retrospect- no sex in Waterloo?100: For him, I guess it’s all worked out. For the rest of us it’s true
Ok, we lied, here’s a few other submissions:21 – that’s how many guys your mom picked up last night4179 – undateable guys in engineering1 - # of non-virgins in comp-10456 – dollars in dept. per term(Lost Kitten)56 – ‘cause it’s the number of drinks to make clegg look half cute37 – ‘cause it’s not 361 - # of times that the one non-virgin in comp got any1 - # of on-campus bars (POETS rocks)4201 - # of alcoholics in engineering (garrett counts as 3)(Silly Sass)79 – a “69” plus 10 more people(I am the Lizard Queen)
Editorial Reply: A definition:
a: Used before nouns and noun phrases that denote a singlebut unspecified person or thing:
a region; a person. Could also be used for, oh let’s say pick
number (note-that meansONE). Evidently Engineering can teach you many things, but counting is not one of them.
The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good.Greed is right. Greed works.