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noods2 5

noods2 5



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Published by Enginoods Editors

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Published by: Enginoods Editors on Apr 16, 2007
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”
“Very nice. So what is it, *Mr.* Cocksucker now?”
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!
Feds election results revealed early
Although the election results aren’t being officially released until 4:30, we really didn’t feel like waiting thatlong, or depriving our loyal readers (i.e.-you fucks) of our take on the results. Therefore, we’re going toannounce the results now!President: Albert Nazereth-we’ve decided that the fourth time is lucky, and this fucker will finally win. That,and he didn’t say anything stupid at the debate. Matan would have won, but it turns out that engineers reallydon’t give enough of a fuck to vote.VPI: Nutsy the Squirrel-In a write in campaign that received twice the number of votes as his next nearestcompetitor, Nutsy has finally gained an elected office.VpEd: Beer-tell your friends.Vp Finance: Actually, we really don’t give a fuck.So, what have we learned from all this? Basically, we don’t give a fuck about the Feds, and the Feds don’treally give a fuck about us. They hold elections when we have midterms, and refuse to accommodate us forIRS. They have no presence outside their own little building (which, as much as they’d like it to be, is notthe fucking center of Campus), and they can’t even run a fucking bar right.So, we’d like to start the Engineering Secession movement. As a Distinct Society of Engineers, we shouldbe given special status within the Federation. Look, at the worst, they’ll probably start bending overbackwards and giving us whatever we want just to keep us. Hey, it’s working for Quebec, so why not?We demand a referendum! In fact, we’ll even give you a nice, clearly worded question:Do you give a fuck about the Feds?No Fuck No
“Lunch is for wimps.”
Where everybody knows your name, or at least make one up if we don’t.
Squirrel Fuckers (on a beach)205If you keep up at this pace, Garrett’s gonna pass you!The Black Tar Heroins177Please take our Civ3 away.Virgins - 1 (see page 3)79Well, if you keep this up, you might actually drink more than 100!Sven (see page 4)74Sheep are ok as long as they are still warm.Chemical Bondage with Clegg’s Mom 72That’s just weird. BAD PIE!Tilt. Please insert another coin. 63... (mail coins to noods02@hotmail.com)Garrett62We still want your super powers.3B Chem55Go DEWEY!4B Elec44Hey Matan is finally graduating... but what about Chen-Wing?Beerbarons21No you wont.
Fuck Valentines Day!
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend or personal crack-ho byshowering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines Dayyou rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really love them morethan anything.Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret. Guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your facewhen we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret-guys feel left out. That's right, left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men intheir life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has beencreated.March 20th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self-explanatory. This holiday has beencreated so you ladies finally have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no specialnights on the town. The name of the holiday explains it all. Just a steak and a blowjob. That's it.Finally, this twin pair of Valentines Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere willtry THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spreadthe word and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
Weird News from The Globe and Mail FRONT PAGE!
NO SHIT. We are not kidding, see Feb 13th, 2003 A.D.
Countdown to war
: As Ottawa opts to concentrate its limited ground forcesin Kabul rather than Iraq, terrorist fears prompt an alert in Washington andsend skittish Americans scrambling for ... duct tapeMmm... filler.
 But it’s Whining Loser’s, and it’s really long.
1: Clegg checks downstairs to find but only one ball2: Clegg is oft heard to lament that his prick is much too small3: There are three campus ducks that Clegg longs to caress4: Clegg’s a fag. 4 days to IRS!5: Clegg claims to rate ***** atop the stage6: The number quoted regarding Clegg’s emotional age7: The inches Clegg believes are in his dick 8: The centimetres in the aforementioned prick 9: Clegg can deep throat up to nine strong men a day10: Clegg’s rating on the scale from straight to gay11: The number Clegg believes to form a dozen12: The tally for Clegg-sodomies by his cousin13: The seconds it takes Clegg to chug a beer14: The seconds it takes Clegg to cream your rear15: The age at which Clegg did lose his cherry16: The months after that he still found sheep dogs scary17: Clegg’s only hope: 17 year old fat chicks18: Clegg’s weekly average: 18 rapid crotch kicks19: The age at which young Clegg arrived at Waterloo20: The sex-trick count Clegg longs to try on you21: At last our Clegg can drink down in the states22: Deep down south they’re keen on how he mates23: At 23 Beethoven composed a symphony24: At 24 Clegg plans to drink his pee25: Clegg once sold himself for but a quarter26: She wanted him to stuff in 26 lbs of mortar27: Clegg’s always been into 3 times 928: At 3pm you see he too ate 9' intestine29: Clegg plans to stay at age 29 in secret stealth30: Over 30 he feels he wouldn’t trust himself 31: “Only 31 days a month” Clegg is often heard to nag32: “Thirty-two would yield one more to be a fag”33: Clegg always had a taste for the palindromic34: This trait and 34 others make him out to be moronic35: Clegg fondly dreams of children at the age of 3536: When 36 comes with nought he’ll no longer wish to be alive37: An attempt to jump at the age of 37 will fall through38: When 38 crazed orangutangs arrive with plans to screw39: Clegg believes this number to be highly dense40: He’s only 40% right- Yttrium taunts him hence41: Did that last one make some sense to any of you?42: If the answer is 42 the question is Clegg’s IQ43: Sometimes I feel bad, Dave Clegg, to mock you in this way44: A palindrome again. Did I mention you are gay?45: A Colt 45 revolver is not required here46: My angry pen will soften up with a peaceful can of beer47: Clegg’s big on geography- “Knows all 47 states”48: While those around contain their secret silent hates49: Clegg has scored a few of these on tests50: There’s 50 states you fucking tool. Please defecate on breasts51: Shit. I missed my reference to the brew called Labatt 5052: Perhaps a fifty-two letter line instead will be thought a nifty53: Clegg plans to “rock his roll” just like back in ’5354: Except that he’s a giant nerd with a mouth that sucks for free55: Clegg has been known to sell himself for 55 cents56: L.T. has been a client, Sting once did him on a fence57: Ripley’s been asleep awhile but Clegg’s been hard at work 58: He yanks 58 cocks a day- any less would be to shirk 59: The second count for Clegg to get red hot60: The lifetime count when Clegg to douche forgot61: Clegg loses at leap frog by a score of 6 to 162: How to play? Don’t ask. It’s Clegg and anal fun63: All 63 of Clegg’s hamsters report a sphincter tear64: Well Clegg’s getting older now, losing all his hair65: Clegg gets excited by the stench of pumping poo66: Humps are to him as goals to Mario Lemieux67: Clegg brags of 67 partners in his life68: Not counting animals, the dead, or Barby’s wife69: Clegg wants to find someone with whom to 6981: In ’81 he sort of learned to walk 82: Sort of because he still can’t make it round the block 83: Clegg’s all time best: An 83 in “Hot and Sweaty Man Love”84: It’s listed as SMF 384. The pre-rec is “A proven skill to shove”85: In ’85 Clegg learned to bend and count86: Both would later come in handy when he tried a duck to mount87: I can feel it, smell it, a palindrome is on the way88: Now it’s upon us and I don’t know what to say89: In ’89 down did come the Berlin wall90: For 90 days Clegg lobbied to have “autumn” changed to “fall”91: This battle foreshadowed his later life’s great struggles92: With some 92 Engsoc dorks all wanting Cleggy snuggles93: In ’93 Clegg entered high school, what a treat!94: All those bigger boys with whom to spank his meat95: Clegg once wished for peace and love and lucre96: But back in ’96 he settled for his current stupor97: In ’97 Clegg felt sad he’d miss his daily screw98: For the next year he was to enter Waterloo99: How foolish he was in retrospect- no sex in Waterloo?100: For him, I guess it’s all worked out. For the rest of us it’s true
Ok, we lied, here’s a few other submissions:21 – that’s how many guys your mom picked up last night4179 – undateable guys in engineering1 - # of non-virgins in comp-10456 – dollars in dept. per term(Lost Kitten)56 – ‘cause it’s the number of drinks to make clegg look half cute37 – ‘cause it’s not 361 - # of times that the one non-virgin in comp got any1 - # of on-campus bars (POETS rocks)4201 - # of alcoholics in engineering (garrett counts as 3)(Silly Sass)79 – a “69” plus 10 more people(I am the Lizard Queen)
Editorial Reply: A definition:
a: Used before nouns and noun phrases that denote a singlebut unspecified person or thing:
a region; a person. Could also be used for, oh let’s say pick 
number (note-that meansONE). Evidently Engineering can teach you many things, but counting is not one of them.
The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good.Greed is right. Greed works.

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