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noods2 7

noods2 7

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Published by Enginoods Editors

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Published by: Enginoods Editors on Apr 16, 2007
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”“It wasn't lies, it was just....bullshit.”
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!
Maria’s PussyMaria’s PussyMaria’s PussyMaria’s PussyMaria’s Pussy, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!
FEDS Attempt to Levy 
$11 000 000
fee increase onEngineers
This week, the Federation of Students announced that it was filing a lawsuit against the UniversityAdministration for 11 million dollars. This lawsuit, brought about by the recent bar closures, claims breachof contract, as well as several other bullshit accusations created by a group of fucks who weren’t preparedto negotiate on civilized terms. Now, assuming that we abandon all reason and this case actually makes it tocourt, and assuming that due to some freak natural occurrence (say the planet Mercury being sucked intothe sun), the Feds win, who the FUCK did they think would have to PAY the 11 million dollars? Oh, wait-all of the Feds exec are in regulated programs, so their tuition can’t be increased. Sure, the University cancut services, but only to a certain extent without shutting down altogether or compromising their Macleansranking. Admit it-you know that’s all they care about. Just envision Pres. Johnson sitting in his dark officestroking a copy of Maclean’s and muttering “My Preciousssss”. No, the only option for the University is toincrease student fees to cover the massive debt that it would owe the feds. Oh, wait-Engineering isderegulated, so they can increase our fees as much as they fucking want. We’ve said it before, and we’llsay it again-Fuck the Feds, we should get out while we still fucking can. Matan could have saved us, butnot enough of you fucks would get out to vote, so we’re super-fucked now. That’s what you get for nothailing to the chimp!
Since we had too many complaints about havingtoo much writing and not enough fuckingpictures, this is for all you illiterate assholes whokeep complaining:
-It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarattes,it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses-Hit it 
The only room on campus not broken into yet! (this year)
not here because Garrett is a lazyass!
We, the 1B Chemmies who actually go to POETS regularly, have a message for you:
That’s right. Chemical Bondage (with Clegg’s Mom) is on the rise. Not only are we breaking the Chem stereotype byactually passing all of our courses (well, almost all of them), but in addition to that already stunning statistic, we, allfucking THREE OF US, are actually FOURTH on the PBD! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PUSSIES?! Mike alone(Garrett’s loyal follower,
…) drinks more than some classes do in a week! Needless to say, 1BChem is whooping ASS on a bottle-per-person-ratio basis. (This is especially in light of the fact that Garrett counts asfive alcoholics and therefore twenty-five normal people.) Now, now, we recognize that this week the 1B Civs are gettingbig heads about beating the 1B Chems for yet another week. If you guys drank like we do (instead of like a bunch of girls), your third place position might not be threatened as it currently IS.With the PBD business out of the way, let us say that the official theological engineering midterm solutions printed inthis week’s issue of ENGINOODS were complete BULLSHIT. We had better answers. We were just too lazy to sendthem in. Yes, we actually took the time to complete your midterm. Funny how getting drunk every Thursday and Fridayand then going home and passing out fucks up your schedule and you find yourself staying up all night with nothing todo.Well, wouldn’t you know? It’s Friday again – time to get really really drunk. Again.In closing, an
You DARE diss up ENGINOODS? We only read it because it’s offensive andprofane! GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM! That’s what people want to read! And to save ENGINOODS sometrouble, the SSR of this letter is 0.025. SEE YOU IN THE BAR! (Mike will most likely be wiping his vomit off of it.)A 1B Chem student … or two
You want offensive and profane-how about you pull your collective tongues out of Garrett’s ass and try to figure out who the fuck you think you’re impressing. Wow, you drank a few beers, do you want a fucking medal? If the only reason you’re drinking in Poets is to beat another class, please stopnow-it’s fucking pathetic. IF however you’re drinking in Poets to get fucking hammered twoafternoons a week before four in the afternoon while watching movies then you should have nothingto prove to anyone. Drinking should be just for the fun of it-can’t we all just get along?
 Really. Don’t read it. Just read our comments. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
“One unused prophylactic........one soiled”
We found this in our mailbox the other day, and decided to print it against our better judgement. Actually, we decided that it would take up space, and we’ll print just about anything that isn’t Joseph Fung’s shit. That, and we can mock it.
Six Innocents Figered by Tool BearersDateline; February 28
. (belch) MOT was rocked by scandal tonight. It was the most tasteless act of indecency inPOETS since Mary and Clegg’s movie nights of two year ago. The air was thick with the smell of ax6 axe. Althoughthey claimed to only be talking, the bearers and Rosie scored more ass in 30 seconds then they had in the past 2months. Once the cries of “dirty hole” had died out and the floor had been thoroughly mopped, the bearer known onlyas Jooky, proceeded to finger the the 6 innocents. w
One of these innocents hi happens to be carrying the illegitimatelove child of a least one of the bearers. (have you ever birthed a hard hat?) Not wanting to miss out on the action, theleader of the POETS™ Lager army jumped in. Without so much as a pause, the stakes were raised from one finger tofour. For those of you keeping score at home that’s 2 bearers and 4 fingers. After an extended fingering, thebearers picked up their tool and made for the men’s room. En route a frothing Rosie, who was suffering from theeffects of a full moon (I believe her exact words ere, “Oh God, Nooooo”) grasped threw herself at the tool andclasped it to her breast. She grabbed it so grasped it so firmly it required two bearers wrench her body from itsshaft. After subduing her on a POETS couch, not unusual for a manager, the bearer returned to the fold and theyexited an masse. This left the six fingered innocents shocked and dismayed. In order to deal with the mixed motionsthe six innocents sought the only lubricant they knew, beer. Following beer and the catharis of writing of this articleon $7600 of therapy will be required. We only hope this therapy will take less time than it takes Matan to graduate(we also hope it will be more effective than his campaign), And we all lived happily ever after.Sturdy Balls, Pin in the Alley, Balls in Hand, Super Nerd, The Chandelier and The Instigator
First, we really resent having to type this shit out. Yes, the handwritten spontaneity is good, but not when we have to try to fuckingdecipher it. Second, we have no problem with drunken ramblings. In fact, we’re quite fond of drunken ramblings, as long as they’reFUNNY drunken ramblings. While this does indeed qualify as a drunken rambling, funny it is clearly not.

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