Believe it or Not!

MAHAR HAS “NO” Connection Whatsoever With DIVORCE….!

A commonly held notion, particularly amongst the Asians, intrinsically links “MAHAR”(Dower) with Divorce, believing it to be

payable by a Husband to His Wife upon the conference of Divorce.

Nothing could be further from the truth than this “very erroneous” but widely held belief, when “in reality” IT IS a “GIFT”

that the GROOM “GIVES” And NOT Promises to Give to his Bride upon consummation of marriage rather than what it has

culturally been turned into, a hotly argued ALIMONY. A Gift, Mahar should be given “on the occasion” and should not be deferred.

Delaying it is akin to attending a Birthday party but postponing the giving of the Gift for later on in life.

In pursuance of this misconstrued understanding of what MAHAR constitutes, many parents of a prospective bride will insist upon

setting an enormously high amount as MAHAR for their daughter believing mistakenly that this exorbitant amount of MAHAR

would in some way prevent the onslaught of the nightmare of the terrible “D” word i.e. the Divorce.

So deeply entrenched is this widely held (though incorrect) belief, that many parents will go to great lengths in haggling about the

amount, some even risking the breakdown of negotiations for a marriage proposal.

Whilst, with some other parents, negotiations over the amount of the MAHAR take on the sinister form of a “Status Symbol” with

parents or close relatives of a bride later on bragging about the Huge Amount of MAHAR that their daughter got.

It has also been known in some cases, that, later on during the course of the marital life if there are problems between the couple

and things start to turn sour, then the wives in those cases have used the Exorbitant Amount of their MAHAR as a “Silent” leverage

in order to win arguments.

Material DEMANDS from the Groom’s Family;

Whilst Arranging and Negotiating for a Marriage, another evil that raises its head even in our present days of Enlightenment, is

that, un-educated and ignorant Muslims in some parts of the world attach Material Demands in proportion to the Profession of a

groom.

Household Appliances such as Air Conditioners, Fridges, Dishwashers, Washing Machines, and in some cases, even Cars and

Houses are demanded by the family of the groom in return for marrying their son. The Higher or the more Glamorous the

Profession of a Groom – bigger the value of the items demanded by his family. [Sic].

The parents of a girl are not to be left far behind in the stakes of Greed and Materialism and Machinations. Some of them demand a

“Very High Amount” of MAHAR for their daughter simply because they want to keep up with the Jones within their Family,

Community, Village or Town. Both parties willfully ignoring the very real possibility, that each ones’ exorbitant demands on the

other might financially RUIN either or both of the parties.

This issue over MAHAR has taken on such a degree of importance in marriages that it has now become a common practice in some

countries for the “Amount of MAHAR” to be “NOTED” on a Nikah Certificate and announced publicly during the Marriage (Nikah)

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Ceremony. Whereas, if the MAHAR was taken in its TRUEST sense of it being a GIFT, then there is no need for such a drama about

it or a Public Announcement about it.

Whoever has heard of Publicly Announcing a Gift and Noting that down in a Document?. Some amongst those who carry out this

practice, go further, and add the words “Sikka-e- Raaij-ul-Waqt (Lit: Currency of the Country of Residence at the time of Divorce)”

after the Amount of MAHAR in the Nikah Certificate, which effectively means that if the couple were to reach the conference of

Divorce whilst they were residing in a foreign country then the MAHAR will be payable in the Currency of their Country of

Residence –Exchange Rate Benefits!!! Eh.

Realising the errors of their ways in terms of the exorbitant amount of the MAHAR, but still insisting on going through with the

Drama with a looming Crisis, some have devised an ingenious ways of breaking down the Amount of MAHAR into a portion of a

“Down Payment” with the remaining portion being “Deferred” payable at some unspecified time in the future or upon Divorce.

Whoever heard of a “Gift” being deferred? And given in portions.

All of the above “Charades” turn MAHAR into sort of a demon, when in reality it is a GIFT “Affordable” by the Groom and given

freely from the Heart according to his means and wherewithal.

The Bride in such cases is turned into some kind of a Commercial or Trade item to be bargained or to be haggled about.

Since it is a Gift from the Groom to his Bride, rather than by the Husband to His Wife, therefore the most logical conclusion is that

it must be given on the day of the marriage or after the Consummation of the Marriage.

TWO Cases in Point, One Horrible and One Sweet, and the “Wrong Premises.”

First, the Horrific Case:

In this case, the Marriage went on the rocks, and the Girl went to Court demanding her MAHAR which was Set and Noted in the

Nikah Certificate as £10,000.00.

To the utter Surprise of the Court, the Girl and the larger Muslim Community in that area, the Boy produced a “Witness” who

testified that whilst the Noted Amount of the MAHAR was £10,000.00 but that was not the intended sum, the real amount being a

modest £500.00 or so. Already, we see Muslims entering into a “Contract” with “no intention” of abiding by it.

The difference between the Noted Sum and the Intended one was due to Girl’s Father who had insisted on the amount being at that

“High Level” because, according to the Girl’s Father, that it was the standard amount of MAHAR in the village or town of his

original country of birth.

The wrong Premises in this case were due to the following Misconceptions:

(a) “Demanding” of the MAHAR which in reality should be a Gift

(b) Setting the Amount of the MAHAR by the Girl or her Family without regard to the Means and Ability of the Groom..

(c) Exorbitantly High Amount of the MAHAR on the mistaken belief that it will some how prevent the occurrence of Divorce.

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(d) Setting and Noting of the MAHAR with NO INTENTION to pay/give. This in itself should have invalidated that Marriage,

because no Islamic Marriage is valid without the Giving of a Gift from the Groom to the Bride no matter how insignificant that may

be.

(e) Noting down of the MAHAR within the Nikah Certificate when any terms and conditions with regards to the conduct of

Marriage and the marital life to come, should really be part of a “Contract of Marriage” which should be separate from the Nikah

Certificate which should be nothing more than an Evidence recording of the occurrence of the marriage.

Second, the “Sweet” Case:

In one instance known, the MAHAR asked for(and Noted in the Nikah Certificate) by the Bride was a Copy of the MUSHAF(Quran)

and any Islamic Teaching the Groom can pass on to the Bride.

Expressing a Wish or Making a Desire known, is one thing, but “Demanding” or “Asking” for a Gift wrecks the spirit of Giving and

Receiving the Gift. Besides, if there is anything to be “Noted” then it should be part of a separate legal document where you may

wish to note down other marital agreements and undertakings and call that document, the “Contract of Marriage”, ensuring to have

it registered as a legally enforceable document. The Nikah Certificate SHOULD be kept separate and it’s sole purpose should be to

document and evidence the occurrence of the marriage.

With regards to the question about what is the most suitable amount for a MAHAR? The answer is that there is no set rule on the

matter except that it should reflect the “Means” and “wherewithal” of the Groom.

Teaching of Quran set as a MAHAR

We have the Beautiful Example of the occasion when the Blessed Prophet was trying to arrange the marriage of one of a man who

was asked what could he give as a Gift to his bride?, the reply came “Nothing”, the Blessed Prophet then asked: What about a simple

Iron Ring? the reply to that was that, even that was not affordable, so that man was asked to go home and see if he can bring forth

anything of value to give as a marriage gift to his bride, the man came back empty-handed saying that he did not have anything of

value in his home either, so the Blessed Prophet then asked that man if he knew some verses of the Quran, the man then told the

Blessed Prophet excitedly about the verses that he had memorised, the matter was then settled and the Blessed Prophet then asked

the man to teach those verses to his future wife and that would his Marriage Gift(MAHAR) to her. May Allah (swt) shower His

Blessings on the Blessed Prophet, His Family, and His Noble Companions and All those who follow them in Good Deeds till the Day

of Judgment.

Ameen!!