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IdHireMe_rev1

IdHireMe_rev1

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Published by Adam Robitel
Jaime Gumb, from Silence of the Lambs, goes job hunting. Sketch Comedy at its wittiest.
Jaime Gumb, from Silence of the Lambs, goes job hunting. Sketch Comedy at its wittiest.

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Published by: Adam Robitel on Jun 10, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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06/09/2010

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INT. JAIME GUMBS LAIR - DAY.JAMIE GUMB, (30) serial killer from Silence of the Lambs, ispreparing for a job interview. The light is low. Jaime standsin front of a mirror putting on his suit and tie, naked fromthe waste down.JAIME GUMBB(Deep slow voice, applyinglip gloss)Oh Wait... I'm here for the jobinterview. I'm here for theinterview.(puts penis between hislegs and starts to danceseductively)I'd hire me. I'd hire me. I'd payme something to do something withinan organization.FADE DOWNINT. CHRYSALIS DERMATOLOGY - LOBBY - DAY.A rather posh medical office lobby with beautiful paintingsof butterflies and moths on the walls.A few WOMEN sit waiting for their appointments. A perkysecretary FREDERICKA (20’s) mans the phones.FREDERICKAChrisyalis Dermatology, servinggreater Buffalos dermatologicalneeds, hold please...(Gumb approaches, standsawkwardly overFredericka)Chrisyalis Dermatology, servinggreater Buffalos dermatologicalneeds, hold please... Can I helpyou sir?JAIME GUMBBGumb, JAMIE, here to see ChatriceNightengale about the techniciansposition.FREDERICKAShell be with you in just a fewmoments Mr. Gumb.(continues answering thephones as Gumb juststands there)(MORE)
 
Chrisyalis Dermatology, servinggreater Buffalos dermatologicalneeds, hold please...(freaked by Gumb)Do you need something Mr. Gumb?Some water? The bathroom key?JAIME GUMBIm okay, thank you.FREDERICKAThen please take a seat and we’llcall you shortly.Jaime turns toward the waiting women. He moves to the lastavailable seat next to a GIRL (20s) trying to read amagazine. He slowly grazes her meaty shoulders.JAIME GUMBAre you about a size seven?GIRLIm sorry.JAIME GUMBWhats your dress size?The girl avoids this strange question, continues reading.Gumb limps over to a small table with a television on it,acts like his back is injured. He tries to push the table.GIRLWhat are you doing?JAIME GUMBIve got a bad back. I want towatch this television program.The girl sighs, annoyed, moves to help him.JAIME GUMBOh, you’re so kind. Youre so verykind.The girl leans over to push the table, Gumb easily lifts thetelevision over his head, about to smash her...FREDERICKAMr. Gumb,(Gumb puts down the television)Chatrice will you see you now.Last door on your right.2.FREDERICKA (cont'd)
 
INT. CHRYSALIS DERMATOLOGY - HALLWAY/CHATRICE’S OFFICE.Homage shot: Gumb walks down the creepy all white hallway tofind Chatrice Nightengale standing in the middle of heroffice staring at him (a la Lecter).He moves to her, SMACKS, directly into a plexiglas wall.CHATRICE NIGHTENGALEOur offices are covered in UVprotective glass. Should havewarned ya!INT. CHATRICE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUSChatrice is a sharp, Jodi Foster like medical manager at theclinic. As she pours over Mr. Gumb resume she clicks a penincessantly. Gumb waits nervously.CHATRICE NIGHTENGALE(West Virginian accent)Impressive CV Mr. Gumb. Two yearsat Rochesters school ofEntomology; Master Seamstress, andthree years performing in an offBroadway production of Hedwig.But tell me, what makes you thinkyou can think you can work as amedical technician at Chrysalis?You have no previous medicaltraining?JAMIE GUMBOh wait...(hands crumpled paper frompocket)I forgot this.CHATRICE NIGHTENGALEA medical degree from PhoenixUniversity, the online college? A joke, right?Gumb glances at Chatrice’s wall, sees: a degree from JohnHopkins University.JAMIE GUMBI also have a degree from JohnHopkins.3.

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