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The Professional Sasquatch” tao lin

The Professional Sasquatch” tao lin

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Published by ramacdon

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Published by: ramacdon on Jun 20, 2010
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05/12/2014

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6/15/10 4:38 PMPrint The Professional SasquatchPage 1 of 2http://www.esquire.com/print-this/tao-lin-napkin-fiction
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The Professional Sasquatch
Here's a story you've never read before: A sasquatch who works at American Apparel meets a toypoodle in jail.By: Tao LinThe professional sasquatch
worked in midtown for thecorporation that in 2006 boughtAmerican Apparel. His job was tocalculate if American Apparel wouldmake more money if they ignoredshoplifters; told shoplifters to nevercome back in the store again;brought shoplifters into a room andtook a Polaroid photo of them andbanned them from the store; or tookshoplifters into a room, handcuffedthem, called the police, and pressedcharges against them. Theprofessional sasquatch hated his life.One day he was watching TV atChickpea on St. Marks and someoneon the Discovery Channel said hedidn’t exist. One day he was on the 6train and someone said, “Is thatsasquatch?” and someone else said, “You’re stupid, sasquatch lives inTibet, and sometimes in Montana,and doesn’t exist anyway.” Afterwork each day the professionalsasquatch ran to a forest in NewJersey then walked to a river andwashed his button-down shirt andstriped tie and black dress pants. Hemade loud noises of despair andoften cried, and his tears fell on hisclothes as he washed them. One daythe professional sasquatch waswalking out of Kmart when two menopened his bag and saw soap andsaid the soap, which the professionalsasquatch had just bought fromDuane Reade, was stolen. The twomen brought the professionalsasquatch into a room and told him

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