exemplify magazine

JuLY/August 2010

MOVING
TOWARD
FORGIVENESS
IN MARRIAGE

LIFE AS
AN ARMY WIFE

JOURNEYING
THE ROAD OF
AN INFERTILITY
DIAGNOSIS AS A
SINGLE WOMAN

SPOTLIGHT ON
AUTHOR
CHRISTA
ALLAN

the forgiveness issue

 “I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out
your precepts.”
Psalm 119:45

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Welcome to Exemplify Magazine.

Well, Summer is in full swing. This past weekend I managed to eat ice
pops, make lemonade, laugh until I cried with {part of} my family, declare
a bathing suit my new favorite and watch a massive fireworks display.
Celebrating freedom here in America always leaves me thinking
about forgiveness.
I’ve found true freedom and forgiveness are a package deal.
What good is freedom with strings attached? And what good is a for-
giveness that isn’t true?
This issue is all about these two things: finding true freedom in
real forgiveness.
I pray the Exemplify team encourages you to get into God’s word
this month on this very topic. Psalm 119: 45 is a favorite verse of mine:
“I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”
Let’s seek today the precepts of the One who forgives us for
freedom’s sake.

In King Jesus,

Kristen Schiffman

www.inspiredheartsmedia.com
Cover image: microsoft
Meet the Magazine Team
Kristen Schiffman
Founder & Ministry Director
A New Yorker living in Texas, Kristen is just trying to make sense of sweet tea and A/C
units. Together with her best friend & husband, Eric, she enjoys sketching out new ideas
over Starbuck’s.

Kristen’s passion is equipping those in leadership to serve with excellence, encouraging

women to get to know God through His Word and challenging women to live out their God-
given purpose.

Andrea Mitchell
Family Columnist
Andrea Mitchell is a coffee drinking, Jesus-loving wife and stay-at-home mom of three
in constant search of just the right mug for her brew. You can find her at her blog, Un-
derGraceOverCoffee.com where she shares the love she has found in Jesus, along
with the caffeine-laden randomness that makes up the majority of her day. Grab your
cup and come on over!

Christy McGraw
Director of Social Networking/Single Channel Editor/Columnist
Christy is on a journey to becoming a woman after God’s own heart. She delights in
books, photography, her family and her friends. Christy has a heart for young women
and single women. She also loves emails! thesinglejourney@gmail.com

Christine Johnston
Director of Communications/Titus 2 Columnist
Christine is a self professed “knitster” who loves watching a scarf come to life. She is the mother of
four children, three of whom are full grown and one still making her way through high school. She
is married to her high school sweetheart and loves going on lunch dates with him during the week.
Christine’s steady and sure faith in Christ, her value of justice and her compassion for that which
Christ has compassion on daily shape her Titus 2 calling.

Tara Guy
Director of Ministry Support/
Fiction & Apologetics Column/ Web Editor
Tara Guy is a born-and-bred Southern girl who loves sweet tea, Jesus, and football -
and not necessarily in that order. Visit her at Musings of a Future Pastor’s Wife, where
she blogs about her day-to-day life as the wife of a seminary student/youth pastor and
mom to a precious toddler girl, and the daily truths the Lord teaches her.
 Joanne Sher
Magazine Editor
Joanne Sher is a mother of two, wife of one, and, most importantly, daughter of
the King. She was raised in the Jewish faith, coming to a saving knowledge of
Jesus in her early 30’s. Her passion is for writing and encouraging, and editing
actually helps her relax. She is in various stages of progress on two novel-length
manuscripts: one about God’s provision during her husband’s serious health is-
sues, and another Biblical fiction set during the time of 1 and 2 Samuel. She also
loves to share her insights at her blog, www.joannesher.com, where she shares
the “Open Book” of her life following Christ.
the team

Karen Lowe
Feature Editor
A native of Kentucky, Karen is a country girl at heart. She currently
resides in northwestern Illinois where she divides her time between being a
wife, homemaker, homeschooler, mother, writer, and Bible study teacher. She
loves a good cup of coffee and very rarely turns down chocolate. Karen has a pas-
sion to write Bible studies and teach women God’s Word. She
began Truth and Grace Ministries to encourage women to grow in God’s truth
and grace. You can find her writing at her blog, Living Life, where she shares God’s
Word, devotionals, and various other posts about life
as she strives to live in God’s truth and grace.

Judith Roberts
Interview Columnist
Judith Roberts has been married to her college sweetheart for four years, and both
she and her husband are active in their church. She is a college instructor pursuing
her doctorate and hopes to mirror Jesus in her every-
day life.

Kara Cox
Devotional Columnist
Kara is a single, thirtysomething follower of Christ who loves to laugh and makes
others laugh in the process. She is devoted to all things Autumn and thinks that
pumpkins, fallen leaves and fall TV premieres are a highlight of life. She would also
like you to know she is the most extroverted introvert you will ever meet.

Wendy Miller
How-To Columnist
Wendy Miller is a butcher (of words as she edits her novels), a baker (of birthday cakes
and treats for her beloved family members and friends), and a candlestick maker (not
quite, but she enjoys crafts of all kinds). She appreciates the outdoors, writing and
laughing with loved ones. Wendy’s mission statement is to a live a passionate life filled
with compassion, grateful to be called daughter of the Most High God. Visit Wendy at http://thoughtsthatmove.
blogspot.com/ or http://wendypainemiller.wordpress.com/.

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
 Christa Allan
Writer’s Help Columnist
Christa Allan lives in Abita Springs, Louisiana and teaches high school English. Walking
on Broken Glass, Christa’s debut novel, released in February by Abingdon Press. She’s
written for Chicken Soup for the Coffee Lover’s Soul, Chicken Soup for the Divorced Soul,
The Ultimate Teacher, and Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Special Needs. A
member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Christa is also a contributor to Afictionado,
their online magazine. She is the mother of five and the proud Grammy of three. Christa
and her husband Ken spend time with their three neurotic cats, play golf, and dodge hur-
ricanes. She blogs at www.christaallan.com.
the team

Alison Hunt
Columnist
Alison is a twenty-something single woman living in the now and hoping for
the future. Based in North Florida, she an administrative assistant by day, and
dreamer by night (literally). She can also be found reading under trees, Zumba-
ing, spending time with family, and catching up with friends over coffee. Visit her
blog at http://alisonlhunt.blogspot.com.

Brooke McGlothlin
Columnist
Lover of God and the man I’ve dreamed of since the 3rd grade...mommy of two little boys born just
23 months apart...CEO of the McGlothlin Home for Boys (my house)...passionate about life issues
and finding Jesus in the everyday. Director of Clinical Services for a local Crisis Pregnancy Center
with a BS in Psychology and MA in Counseling.

Deborah Boutwell
Book Reviews
Married for 23 years, 2 children (21 & 15 years of age), working outside the home
in a Christian publishing house, serving in a small Southern Baptist church in vari-
ous keys roles, hobbies include reading, writing, needle & thread handwork.

Iris Nelson
Photographer
Born and raised in Germany, Iris now resides with her husband Mark and Chihuahua Corky,
in Arizona. Their grown son Daniel works as a software consultant in Arizona, living close by.
Although the move from Germany to the US was not easy, God’s hand was evident. In Arizona,
God called Iris back into His flock. Iris enjoys encouraging women by sharing His Word through
the devotional team-blog ‘Laced with Grace’ (www.lacedwithgrace.com), which she ‘birthed’
with a friend from California in 2006.

Iris has always had a love for photography, but after her son Daniel moved out photography
became more than just a hobby. Iris’ dreams are to self-publish a photography book with Bible
passages; and becoming a full-time photographer—leaving corporate America behind. You can find more of Iris’
photography at www.inelsonportraits.com.

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Lori MacMath
Moving Toward Holiness Columnist

Having grown up in the church, Lori knows that her ‘true spiritual journey’ began with an experi-
ence with infertility and surrendering to the Lord, allowing HIM to break her and remake her.
The smile she wears tells that she is so happy to be on the journey that she is on now. A journey
that includes homeschooling 3 wonderful children! Lori is the co~owner of Internet Cafe Devo-
tions, an online daily devotional site for women. Praising HIM every step of the way, she encour-
ages you to enjoy the journey with her at her personal website, All You Have to Give, where she
can be found daily, enjoying each and every season to its fullest!

Holly Smith
In The Kitchen Columnist

My name is Holly Smith from Monument, CO. I am the wife of Chris and mother of Noah, Kylie,
Tabor and Sydney. I am a stay at home mom, who very much loves her job as a mom. On the
side, I design web pages and marketing pieces. It is a great way to pour out creativity! God
has gifted me with a love of all things creative--from painting and wall-papering to scrapbooking
and design-work. Also I write a couple of blogs, which you can read online if you want. One
is a cooking blog called What Would Martha Cook? It’s about Martha in the Bible not the other
Martha. The other is a devotional writing blog called Crown Laid Down. I began blogging in
February 2007.

Chrystie Cole
Closet Issues Columnist
Chrystie lives with her husband and stepson in the beautiful upstate of South Carolina.
She is a woman who was once lost, broken, desperate and hopeless. Yet because of
a gracious and loving God, she was given a brand new life. She has personally experi-
enced the power of His transforming and redeeming love. As a result, she is passionate
about sharing His love with others and ministering to broken and hurting people.

Tracy Knowlton
Women in the Word Columnist
Tracy Knowlton is a Texan by birth, curious by nature and crazy about her husband of
three years. She reads scripture and loves on her dogs, simultaneously. Tracy looks for
Jesus in the ordinary, adds in scripture and waits to see what happens. Loving the Lord
is her privilege and writing about Him on her blog, JesusWomanWords.com, is her joy.
Consider yourself invited.

Jenifer Jernigan
Faith Applied Columnist
Jenifer makes her home in North Carolina with her husband of ten years, three children,
and English black lab, Bella. On a typical day, if there is such a thing, you will find her
sipping a cup of coffee, home schooling her children, and digging into the Word. A former
pit-dweller who has been saved by God’s amazing grace, Jenifer has a burning passion
to share with women of all ages His unconditional love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
Moving Toward
Forgiveness in
Marriage

Written by Chrystie Cole

I learned long ago that our secrets
grow in the dark, but they die in the
light. God’s word specifically tells
us that the darkness hates the light
and that anyone who lives by truth
comes into the light. (John 3:21
NIV) But sometimes it’s hard to talk
about those secrets, isn’t it? You
know, those things we just don’t
want to talk about whether out of
pride or fear or shame. Yet, those
are the very things that over time
will grow, fester, and enslave us if
we don’t shed light on them.
I hope you’ve discovered by now
that the Closet Issues Column is a
place where we can come and
talk about the ugly in our lives. A
place where we can be real and
vulnerable, and maybe even dis-
cover we aren’t alone in our strug-
gles. Hopefully, it is a place where
we also find hope, encourage-
ment, and victory over strongholds.
With all that said, I have a confes-
sion to make. I struggle with for-
giveness. But, I don’t struggle for-
giving everyone. I consider myself
fairly tolerant, patient, and forgiv-
ing with most people; shockingly,
even those who blatantly or even
willfully harm me. I don’t typically
harbor bitterness against the driver
who cut me off in traffic, or the per-
son who jumped in front of me in
the grocery store line, or even the
woman who always finds a way to
make a belittling comment to me
every time I’m around her.
No, the ugly truth is that the one I
struggle most to forgive is my own
husband. But, it’s not due to mis-
treatment, abuse, or any other
harmful behavior. Honestly, he
has probably never intentionally
harmed a flea (unless, of course
you count those pesky little squirrels
in our backyard that keep getting
into his birdfeeders and birdhouses,
killing the little baby birds.)
Second Peter 1:3 NIV tells us that
But, I digress. No, the ugly truth is
through God’s divine power, we
I struggle to forgive him for petty
have everything we need for life
little things…things like the audac-
and godliness. So when it comes to
ity of being human.
forgiveness, there is no can’t: there
is only won’t or will. The choice is
I’m sure we’ve all been there. Minor
ours and to choose not to forgive
nuisances like not putting dishes in
from the heart is making a choice
the dishwasher, or forgetting to call
against God.
if they’re going to be late, or even
the insensitive comment made in
There Are Two Sinners In
the heat of the moment, if left unre-
A Marriage
solved, fester and grow, eventually
becoming a full-fledged dividing
One of the problems with being
wall of bitterness and resentment,
married to a sinner is that we al-
built brick by brick over time.
ways have someone to blame. By
pointing the finger of blame at my
So, if you find yourself in the same
husband, I attempt to shift the fo-
predicament…here are a few
cus off of my own sinful behavior.
things God has been whispering to
What I choose to overlook in those
me lately in regard to forgiving my
moments is that when I point the
husband:
finger of blame at him, there are
three fingers pointing back at me.
We Are On The Same Team
Miroslav Volf said, “forgiveness
flounders because I exclude the
G.K. Chesterton once said that mar-
enemy from the community of hu-
riage is an adventure, like going to
mans and exclude myself from the
war. It’s rather absurd to compare
community of sinners.” One of the
marriage to going to war, don’t
most divisive things the enemy can
you think? Yet, all too often, spous-
do in my marriage is convince me
es act as if they are on opposing
that my husband is the sinner and
teams.  We keep unwritten records
I am the saint. By convincing me
of wrongs, injustices and offenses.
I am always the one who tries the
But the truth is our husbands are
hardest or makes all the sacrifices
not the enemy; they are our team-
or who always apologizes first, then
mate. We are working together for
he successfully creates division in
the same end goal: the health and
our marriage. We must continu-
well being of our marriage. Plain
ally remind ourselves there are no
and simple, the scorecard must go.
saints in a marriage, only two sin-
ners in need of a lot of grace.
There Is No Can’t
Eventually Someone Has To
One day, I heard myself tell a friend,
Make The First Move
“I just can’t seem to let it go.” Im-
mediately upon saying it, I knew it
“He who forgives ends the quar-
was a lie. The truth is, I was unwill-
rel.” (Unknown author) Eventually,
ing to forgive him. Sometimes, for
someone has to make a move to-
whatever reason, we would rather
ward the other person. Regardless
hold onto perceived injustices. So
of whether or not I feel justified in
we convince ourselves that we
my anger or hurt, I want to be the
can’t forgive. But can’t is just a
one to end the quarrel.
cover up for won’t.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
I want to be the one to move toward
my husband with compassion, grace,
forgiveness, and love, knowing that
doing so not only restores unity to my
marriage, but also pleases God.
A Gospel-Centered Marriage
Here is our charge: “Since God chose
you to be the holy people he loves,
you must clothe yourselves with ten-
derhearted mercy, kindness, humility,
gentleness, and patience. Make al-
lowance for each other’s faults, and
forgive anyone who offends you. Re-
member, the Lord forgave you, so you
must forgive others. Above all, clothe
yourselves with love, which binds us
all together in perfect harmony. And let
the peace that comes from Christ rule
in your hearts. For as members of one
body you are called to live in peace.
And always be thankful.” Colossians
3:12-15 NLT
We love because God first loved us.
We show mercy because God was
merciful with us. We make allowance
for each other’s faults because God
was patient with us. We forgive be-
cause God forgave us.
Expectations Are Premeditated
Resentments
What we don’t often realize is that we
frequently place unspoken and some-
times unrealistic expectations on our
husbands. We expect them to never
say anything insensitive, to always
be sweet and doting, or to never let
us down. But, our expectations often
set them up for certain failure. Expec-
tations are just premeditated resent-
ments waiting to happen.
A friend of mine once said, “Expect
nothing. Appreciate everything.” Be-
fore you say anything, I know…it’s a
tall order. But here’s what I’ve come
to learn: whatever I focus on tends to
be magnified. If I focus on what my
husband does wrong, then all I see is
the negative, but if I choose instead to
focus on what he does right, then the
positive is magnified. When I regard
him with a grateful heart, then forgiv-
ing seems to be a natural outflow of
that.
Always Begin With The End In Mind
Here are a few questions to
consider if you are struggling with
forgiveness in your
marriage:
• Do I consider my husband my
enemy or my teammate?
• Am I choosing to harbor bitterness
and resentment rather than mov-
ing toward my husband in a spirit
of forgiveness and reconciliation?
• Do I see my husband as the sin-
ner and me as the saint?
• Are my actions toward my hus-
band honoring and glorifying
God?
• Do I want my marriage to be bitter
or better? If I want it to be better,
what am I willing to do about it?
• How is my belief in the gospel be-
ing fleshed out in my marriage?

I wrestled with God over these things
initially because I wanted the gratifica-
tion of my husband coming to me. But
God persisted gently, as He so often
does, and eventually I approached
my husband, humbly asking his for-
giveness. As a result, I experienced
sweet reconciliation with my husband
and true joy knowing God was well
pleased.
Here is what I know: One day, I am
going to die and when I do, I am go-
ing to come face to face with God. In
that moment, He will hold me account-
able for the life I lived and will reward
me according to my deeds (Jeremiah
17:10 NIV). Do I honestly want to be
face to face with God and have to ac-
count for my willful disobedience and
selfish, unforgiving heart? Or would
I rather face Him knowing I loved my
husband well and honored Him with
my marriage?

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
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In the quiet of this
Saturday morning God
whispered, “It’s time.”
I find God’s timing to be well interesting. I
am discovering it is quite that and even
more so, I am finding it beautiful.
You see I have been arguing with God for
over a week about this column. He has
asked me to share something with you that
honestly is still a very raw spot of my heart.
In am an intensely private person. In fact I
have never told anyone the whole story and
rarely share the information. I have told a
handful of people in six years and even then
no one knows the whole story until now. I
emailed a friend earlier this week to ask for
prayer because I was less than happy about
the idea of sharing this. I made the follow-
ing statement, Yes I live on the river De-
nial. It’s been a nice place…a little inter-
esting at times but nice. At the time I just
thought it to be funny and it was….as I sit
here writing this I find the truth of that state-
ment hitting me….
I will tell you this column is stained with my
tears. At the same time a column I thought
I would be writing in trepidation is written in
peace.
Yes, peace.
He did that. In a most unusual way that I will
share about later.
This journey started in 2000. I had some female
issues that finally landed me at the OB-GYN. I
was not thrilled. I hated my yearly visits and at 21
years old was terrified. It was quickly discovered
I had cysts on my ovaries that were causing a lot
of pain. One in particular was very large. For two
months they kept an eye on me and finally it was
decided I would have surgery to remove the cysts.
After the surgery I was put on some medications
and felt much better. The doctor was thrilled with
the outcome and life continued normally.
The next four years of my life were fabulous. I kid
you not, now that I look back on it. I started col-
lege for the second time, found two people who
would become the best friends of my heart, went
on my first missions trip to my dream place, Eng-
land, of all places. Life was nothing short of won-
derful.
In 2004 I had just finished up my junior year of col-
lege. I was so excited about the summer because
I had lined up a great internship and was looking
forward to not only spending the summer learning
more about counseling but was so excited for my
senior year of college.
One day in mid-May I woke up with some strange
pains in my lower abdomen. On the 1-10 pain
scale it was a 9. I was scared and called my Mum
at work. She told me to just stay in bed and relax
and she would call and check on me. I happened
to live with my Memaw at the time and told her I
was really not feeling good. As the morning wore
on I knew something was wrong. I called my Mum
back and told her I though I needed to go to a
doctor immediately. I picked up the phone book
found the OB-GYN section and called the first
doctor’s office listed. I told the lady that answered
the phone what was going on and she got me an
appointment immediately. My Mum got off work
and we went to the doctor’s office. As I look back
I am amazed at God’s hand in this because the
doctor I was scheduled with was a strong Chris-
tian and over the next few months that would be-
come invaluable.
Written by Christy McGraw

Journeying the
Road of an
Infertility
Diagnosis
as a Single
Woman

>>>
He knew immediately what was wrong and I had the
most unpleasant ultrasound of my life but there they
were. Cysts. Covering both of my ovaries. It was
bad. We told him of my past experience and he told
us that he thought I had something called PCOS.
In the next month we would walk the road to that
final diagnosis. More than likely there is a history of
the disease in my family and I had had it for many
years and it went undiagnosed: even when I had my
first surgery in 2000.
Meanwhile I spent a lot of my time in bed in extreme
pain. I did work at my internship but it was defi-
nitely the hardest summer of my life. As the summer
progressed things did not improve. My left ovary in
particular was a mess. We talked of options and
because of my last year of college he decided sur-
gery was the only option. I put it off. Finally he told
me if I wanted to go back to school I would have to
have the surgery. Two weeks before I was due back
at college I had the surgery. He warned me for the
worst but I just thought it would be like the first sur-
gery.
The worst was what happened. My left ovary was
so filled with cysts it took them a while to clean it and
once they did it was so scarred it was useless. So
the decision was made to take the ovary. My right
ovary was not as bad but still extremely scarred. He
left the right ovary intact for health purposes. After
the surgery I remember him telling me he did have
to take my left ovary but I still had my right. To be
honest all I remember of that day was that before the
surgery the doctor had taken time to say a prayer
over me.
I went back for my post op appointment and he told
me the news and I heard it this time. He had tak-
en my left ovary and my right ovary was severely
scarred. And then he said it.
Christy, the likelihood is you will never be able
to have children.
He understood I was young. 24. He understood I
was single. He had to tell me the truth. I would likely
not be able to have children.
I heard him.
Truthfully. It did not register. The river of denial
was my new home.
Life was so busy that I was able to completely fo-
cus on other things and never thought of that prog-
nosis. I told one person that year: the counselor
at my college. It was said in passing but because
of other life issues it was soon forgotten. I wanted
it that way.
For 6 years I have lived on that river.
I told a few people but never gave details. To give
details made it real. I shared with people but never
really believed it.
Last year it started hitting home. Within weeks I
found out my best friend was pregnant. Then my
sister in law was pregnant.
It came flooding back. The truth.
For months I tried to deny it.
Earlier this year I started seeing a new counselor.
For other things of course. One day the truth came
out.
Once it did I had to start dealing with it. With that
came all sorts of emotions and feelings. The big-
gest one being that this is why I was not married.
One of the purposes of marriage is to have chil-
dren. I could not do that. So why would God send
me my prince? I felt I did not deserve a husband.
I was useless. Who would want to marry someone
who could not have children? Those thoughts have
been the primary ones in the last few months. My
heart has been broken in so many ways. I wonder
now if dreams I have had will come true. Should I
just hang them up or hang on to them?
Two verses have become the ones I repeat to my-
self and try to remember on a daily basis.
 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves
those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
He heals the heartbroken and bandages
their wounds.
Psalm 147:3 (MSG)
My heart is in a strange place. It is so fragile right
now I feel it could shatter at times. At the same
time many wonderful things are happening. Amaz-
ing things. Joyful things.
While my heart is in that strange place He has
been so near. So constant. He has allowed me to
experience amazing things.
I know He is healing my heart. His timing for this is
no mistake. He has used amazing things to start
the healing process. One in particular that has me
up at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning writing this.
Earlier this year I started seeing a new counselor.
For other things of course. One day the truth came
out.
You see the day before I spent the day at the hos-
pital with my best friend. It was time for her sweet
boy to make his entrance in to this world. As I sat
with her and her husband all day I worried I would
be overcome with the pain of my heart. It was but
a fleeting thought. Not once did I think of me or my
circumstance. I focused on the two of them and
the pending arrival of their son. Circumstances
lead to a c-section and as they prepped her I sat
in the waiting room after calling family and friends
and prayed. For this precious boy to be healthy.
For my friend and her husband.
As I prayed a sweet peace surrounded me and I
felt His warmth. A still small voice spoke to my
heart.
You are good.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Don’t let this define you, Christy.
You are who I made you to be.
You will walk this journey and you will be okay.
Several hours later I was holding a precious little
boy and looking into a gorgeous face and that
peace surrounded me again and I knew, even
though this journey is not over, I am going to be
okay. I AM going to be okay. He will make it so.
As I rocked that sweet boy back and forth my friend
looked at me and said, “Isn’t he so peaceful?” And
she tells me that’s what his name means. Noah.
Peace. Rest.
He gives us gifts, my sisters.
For me, it was a moment holding a sweet baby
named Noah - whose name means peace and ex-
periencing a peace that only He can give.
That He would speak to me in the middle of what
could have been a painful day with my heart was
no coincidence.
His timing? Interesting.
And beautiful.
I am still in a very vulnerable place, but this chapter
of my life He is writing will be one of healing and
trust. Ultimately it will be a chapter of His Good-
ness.
If you are single and struggling with an infertility di-
agnosis please know that you are not alone. Know
that it is not a punishment and that God does not
love you any less. He still has the most amazing
plans for you. It is a journey we wish we did not
have to take; yet for some of us it is a journey we
will take. Know that someone understands the
pain and is praying for you. My single sisters that
are facing this journey… I may not know you..but I
love you. More importantly, so does He.
 The Challenge to Lavish Forgiveness on Others
Written by Kara Cox
I love rules. I love when there is a right answer
and a wrong one. I feel safe when there are re-
wards for good behavior and penalties for bad
behavior. When I see injustices being com-
mitted, I feel a righteous anger well up in me
like lava rushing up through a volcano. When
justice prevails, my soul cheers and whoops
and hollers like the most avid sports fan when
their team wins the Superbowl. I am black and
white, and my rules-loving heart struggles with
the gray.
Like so many things in our natural selves, I can
take my love of right and wrong a little too far.
In my fervency for justice, I often sorely lack in
mercy. If I’m being honest with myself I know
that my own human thought process some-
times finds these two God given ideals to be
mutually exclusive. Let the person who has
committed wrong off the hook? Are you crazy?
My heart’s teeter totter of merciful forgiveness
and just ruling often sits a bit heavy on the side
of law and order. So if you have done me (or
anyone else) wrong, you need to pay: it’s only
fair.
I’ve only recently realized how much I struggle
with issues of forgiveness. It’s only been since
I took a long, hard look at some of my closest
relationships that I realized how hard it is for
me to let someone off the hook when they hurt
or insult me. I’ve had loved ones beg me for
forgiveness, and though I knew what the word
of God had to say about forgiveness, there
was a stronger pulling in my heart demanding
for penance to be made. It was as if my heart
was saying, “But you haven’t paid me back in
full for the wrongs you’ve done me. I can’t for-
give you yet. You’re not getting off that easy.”
Anybody else struggle with those thoughts?
After all, it seems almost unfair to so quickly
disregard the offense in order to dole out in-
stant forgiveness for every injurious action.
That’s what my (man-made) sense of justice
has taught me.
What I was also confronted with, however, was
how my unwillingness to forgive affected my re-
lationship with God. In Mark 11:25, Jesus tells his
disciples, “And when you stand praying, if you
hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so
that your father in heaven may forgive your sins.”
I think my mind somehow had added a clause to
Jesus’ command, a clause allowing me to delay
said forgiveness depending on the degree of se-
verity of the insult or injury. Funny how I haven’t
found the footnote with that clause in any ver-
sions of the Bible yet.
I guess I hadn’t considered what it’s like when the
tables are turned. How quick am I to forget that
every single offense I have committed has been
completely stricken from my record because of
Jesus. Every lie I’ve told; every mean thing I’ve
ever said, every prideful or lustful thought. Ev-
ery single sin that has so grieved the heart of
God has been completely and freely forgiven me
because of Jesus. And here’s the wildest, most
scandalous part of the deal; Jesus offered this
forgiveness to me before I committed one act of
sin. My heavenly father substituted his perfect,
righteous, unblemished lamb for me on a cross
to pay for these sins. He, not I, has every right
to ask for penance. He, not I, could stand in the
place of demanding justice and repayment be-
fore offering forgiveness. Instead, “God made
him who had no sin, to be sin for us, so that in
him we might become the righteousness of God.”
(2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV).
This sacred truth humbles me and challenges
me to be different in my dealings with others. In
light of the sweet, extravagant forgiveness of my
heavenly father, how can I not freely, lavishly ex-
tol forgiveness towards people who wrong me?
Their offensive blows cannot even touch the
weight of the offenses I have hurled on a merciful
savior who so quickly forgave me of them all. So
it is Jesus inside of me that causes justice and
mercy find a smooth balance in my heart, and it’s
my heart’s cry to be more like him, especially in
forgiving others as He has forgiven me.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
 221mag.com

I like clothes.
I play sports.
I have fun with my friends.
I totally text.
I rock out with my iPod.
I flip my camera.
I type faster than my Mom.
More than anything,
I love my Jesus.
I Exemplify.
I am Team 2:21.
 I grew up with an emotionally, verbally, and physically abu-
sive father. Forgiveness was hard for me to extend. My

How Can
lack of forgiveness not only affected me personally, but it
also affected some of my relationships with others. For a
number of years I brought fear, bitterness, unforgiveness,
and shame into my marriage and my relationship with oth-

I Ever
ers. I resented God for allowing the abuse to continue;
I resented my mother for not leaving my father sooner;
I resented my siblings and other family members for not
protecting me. I even thought I deserved what I received,

Forgive because maybe what my father had told me over the years
(that I was worthless) just might be true. I needed healing
and that healing would require me to forgive.

Them ? A Need For Personal Healing

My personal healing required relinquishing several things:

Feature Article my desire for revenge, any hatred in my heart, bitterness,
and the inability to forgive others and myself. This was
hard. Allowing God to help us rid ourselves of these things
is not an easy task, but we still need to come to a place of
reconciling ourselves to the fact that such painful losses
cannot be undone. If we are to grow through this unbear-
able grief, we need to forgive, by God’s tender loving grace,
placing the offender in the hands of our just and fair God.
Scripture tells us, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but
rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is
Mine, I will repay’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 NKJV)
Though justice may not always be done here on earth, ul-
timately those who have committed wrongs against us will
be accountable to God. In time, believing this truth can
actually be a comfort and relief to those who are so angry
they feel they cannot forgive their offender.

Our Savior said in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive men

their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
(NKJV) Even though it is difficult to forgive, God tells us
we must do so in order to be forgiven ourselves. When
we hold onto bitterness and unforgiveness we are holding
onto sin which, in turn, comes between our relationship
with God.

If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in

darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we
walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship
with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son
cleanses us from all sin. (I John 1:6-8 NKJV)

Free to Be Who God Created Me to Be
Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner
free and discover the prisoner was you.” 1 When I was
refusing to forgive my father, I found it hard to trust
others which hindered the ability to establish genu-
ine relationships. For the longest time, whenever I
was around people, I felt like an outsider looking in-
side. I kept people at arm’s length and wouldn’t let
them know the real me. This became an obstacle in
my relationship with my husband. I was unable to
share my deepest thoughts and heart’s desire with
him. Our emotional intimacy was hindered which, in
turn, hurt our marriage. I literally felt like a prisoner
in my own skin. Something inside of me was scream-
ing trying to come out, but I kept suppressing it.
Then, one day, I felt like my world around me was
crashing down on me. I wanted to quit my marriage
and even being a mother. I told my husband I didn’t
want to live any longer. I began Christian counsel-
ing which was the beginning of my healing process.
As the counselor helped me through the process of
forgiveness, the bitterness and resentment that were
gnawing inside my heart turned into love and com-
passion for my father as well as others who have hurt
me in some way or another. I started trusting people
and established friendships. I also began sharing my
heart with my husband. As a result, our emotional in-
timacy keeps getting better and better even after 36
years of marriage.
For the first time in my life, I was finally free to be
the person God created me to be. Once in a while
someone might hurt me, but instead of holding on
to an unforgiving heart I choose to go through the
process of forgiveness – not just for the other person,
but also for me.
How Do You Forgive?
1. Decide to forgive. If you wait until you feel like
forgiving, then you never will forgive. Choose to obey
God’s Word in Matthew 6:12, 14 which says, “And for-
give us our debts… As we forgive our debtors. For if you
forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you.” (NKJV). Resist the devil when he puts
doubts and bitter thoughts in your head. Make a con-
scious decision to forgive and God will heal your heart
in time.
2. Depend on the Holy Spirit to help you for-
give. We cannot live in our own power. We need to
allow God to enable us to forgive.
3. Obey God’s Word. God’s Word tells us we need to
do several things when we forgive our enemies:
• Pray for those who have abused and hurt us. (See
Luke 6:27,28)
• Bless and do not curse them. (See Romans 12:14
NKJV)
Believe In His Promise
We need to believe that the God who has promised we
will be set free from sin and sorrow in heaven will fully
heal us of all pain suffered from the hands of others. We
have this blessed hope to look forward to:
No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin
or destruction within your borders, but you will call your
walls Salvation and your gates Praise…..Your sun will
never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the
Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sor-
row will end. Isaiah 60:18,20 (NIV)
Endnotes
1 Thinkexist.com. (1999-2010). Lewis B. Smedes quotes. Thinkexist.com. Re-
trieved from http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/Lewis_B._Smedes/

Michele lives in a farming community in Pennsylvania with her husband of 36 years who is a principal of a Chris-
tian school. They have a grown daughter, son-in-law and teenage grandson. Through the years the Lord has
called them to various ministries living in Pennsylvania, Texas, New York and Arizona. In addition, Michele has
been involved in all aspects of the church ministry: Pastor’s Wife, Child Evangelism, Regional Women’s Ministry,
Wellness Ministry, Speaker, Counselor and Writer. Michele has experienced various life challenges. Since 1985
Michele has been living with multiple chronic illnesses. Michele has an encouraging and informative blog, http://
www.beelieveyoucan.net where she claims Psalm 18:29: “In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can
scale any wall”.

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
 Written by Lori Macmath

Freedom in Forgiveness
Every single month I have a date with my online
bank account. The numbers and I have a sit down
for as long as it takes. It’s clearly not my favorite time
of the month, but it’s one of the “necessaries” in my
life.
I reconcile with the bank.
Reconcile, as in the 14th century transitive verb
meaning to restore harmony; settle or resolve. (Mer-
riam Webster Dictionary)
I spend a significant amount of time with my “invis-
ible online banker,” balancing my accounts: for an
unbalanced account, as we all know, yields disas-
trous results. Trust me.
There is nothing quite like the feeling when those
last numbers are entered in and the grand totals
match! It’s freedom! That is until next month, when I
do it all over again.
Reconciliation achieved, but not without action. If
only forgiveness and reconciliation in our human
existence could be so cut and dry. Reconciling
numbers with the bank is one thing; reconciling with
those who have hurt us requires even more prayer-
ful attention than an unbalanced account.
Forgiveness, (to give up resentment of or claim
to requital) and reconciliation can dance a beauti-
ful dance together, but it is never easy. It’s often a
journey that is painful and difficult, but the reward
of extending grace to others is where the dance of
forgiveness becomes beautiful.
Joseph knew that all too well.
We read in Genesis how Joseph has been wronged
by his brothers. So much so that his brothers are a
bit concerned about how he is going to react.
“What if Joseph is carrying a grudge and decides to
pay us back for all the wrong we did to him?” Gen-
esis 50:15 (The Message)
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Clearly they are concerned about how this now pow-
erful Joseph will react, and rightly so. Joseph is in a
position of power and could wreak havoc on their lives.
How does Joseph respond?
“So they sent Joseph a message, “Before his death,
your father gave this command: Tell Joseph; “Forgive
your brothers’ sin – all that wrongdoing. They did treat
you very badly.’ Will you do it? Will you forgive the sins
of the servants of your father’s God?” When Joseph
received their message, he wept. Then the brothers
went in person to him, threw themselves on the ground
before him and said, “We’ll be your slaves.”
Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God?
Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God
used those same plans for my good, as you see all
around you right now – life for many people. Easy now,
you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your
children.” Genesis 50: 16 – 21 (The Message, empha-
sis added)
Forgiveness in our lives moves us toward reconcilia-
tion with others, while at the same time it helps us to
understand the grace that we have been forgiven in.
Forgiveness is never a passive activity. That should
not surprise us as nothing in our “Moving Toward Holi-
ness” journey has been or will be passive.
Forgiveness is one of the cornerstones in this jour-
ney. Forgiveness requires that we engage and feel
the ways in which we have wounded those around us;
it’s in our understanding and acknowledging the pain
we have inflicted that we come to a place where we
can truly ask to be forgiven, and in turn forgive others.
Joseph could have never forgiven his brothers unless
he understood how he’d been forgiven by the Father.
“To accept forgiveness is to embrace the scar of the in-
jury. If we do not feel the hurt, we cannot measure the
forgiveness. When we are forgiven, we must engage
the pain we have caused in order to understand the
magnitude of the grace we have been given. Yesh-
ua recognized this weight in the woman who washed
His feet with her tears. As excruciating as it might be,
we cannot truly receive forgiveness until we have em-
braced the depth of the injury we caused. To ask for
forgiveness is to ask to be included in the injury, sor-
row and trauma.” Skip Moen, Scar Tissue, February
17, 2010
Asking to be included in the “injury, sorrow and trauma”
is a painful venture, but it’s necessary for a life reconciled
with others and God. Many of us would rather embrace the
road to forgiveness the way my children used to. When one
would wrong the other one and was told to seek forgiveness
they would offer up a casual, “I’m sorry” and hope to be on
their way. The invitation is
extended, an
Not so fast.
invitation to
While it’s a much more comfortable alternative, it’s simply explore forgiveness
not going to lead us to a place of forgiveness or freedom,
let alone move us along our walk toward holiness. The free- in your life this
dom will elude us until reconciliation, honest reconciliation, month.
takes root.

In order to forgive others, even those who have wounded us We’ll walk the path
deeply, we must understand the “depth of the injury” that we
cause God each time we sin. That is where Joseph stood. of reconciliation
Joseph came to a place where he understood that he did and forgiveness.
not and could not act for God. He chose to forgive, and in
confidence let God handle the rest. Can we say the same?
Do we have the same faith? Joseph moved to a place of It’s likely going
holiness where he understood the depth of the injury that he
caused toward God when he sinned. His example shows to be a challenging
us that the only way we’ll ever move to a place where we hike, but the view
can truly forgive those who have sinned against us is to
extend the same grace to others that God has faithfully ex- from forgiveness is
tended to us. where peace lies.
The road to holiness is littered with potholes that hinder us.
Those potholes of an unforgiving heart will swallow us. Lit- The “Moving Toward
erally. With work, we can come to an honest place where
we recognize how we have grieved God and understand Holiness Forgive-
the grace bestowed upon us. This knowledge will open the ness Journal” can be
door to forgiveness in our own lives with those around us.
Understanding His grace is the beginning of forgiving others found here.
in our own lives.

That is the place where reconciliation and forgiveness can

dance beautifully together. They dance the beautiful dance
of grace extended.

There is quite possibly nothing as challenging on this road to

holiness as forgiveness. Much like obedience, faithfulness
and humility, it’s going to require that we engage. Forgive-
ness begins in the heart, but is played out in our attitudes
and actions.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our

sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
(English Standard Version)
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 How White is Your Dress? Written by Brooke McGlothlin
Let’s look at Paul’s description of the people God
I’m not a murderer.
turned over to a debased mind.
I’ve never had an affair.
I’ve never stolen anything…much.
“They were filled with all manner of unrighteous-
I’ve never had an abortion.
ness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of
I’m not homosexual.
envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They
I even waited for sex until I was married. I wore a
are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent,
white dress…and meant it.
haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient
to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.”
I was raised in the church. A “good-girl.” Never
(Romans 1:29-31, ESV)
partied hard, never sowed my oats, never smoked
much, cussed much or drank much. I don’t have a
Well this is even worse! It looks to me like Paul is
lot of stories from the “good old days.”
saying that envy is as bad as murder in God’s eyes.
Could this be true?
So what does a person like me have to ask forgive-
ness for?
Is my white dress really just filthy rags?
Consider with me the description of Godlessness in
Ripped, torn, bloodied, in shambles. Stained, wrin-
the last days we find in 2 Timothy 3:2 (ESV).
kled, blemished is my white dress. And so was my
Savior. “For our sake He made Him to be sin, who
“For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money,
knew no sin…” (2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV)
proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their par-
ents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable,
Loving myself over others. A sin for which my Savior
slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving
died.
good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit,
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having
Loving money and pleasure. Sins for which my Savior
the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.
died.
Avoid such people.”
Pride, arrogance, ungratefulness. Lack of self-control,
You know, it’s funny. I don’t see the word murderer
conceit, disobedience. Lust, envy, strife, deceit. Gos-
mentioned in these verses. Wait a minute. I don’t
siping, slandering, hating. Abuse, arrogance.
see adultery mentioned either. Come to think of it, I
Sins for which my Savior died.
don’t see stealing, abortion or sexual sin of any kind
“There is no one righteous, not even one” (Romans
mentioned in this passage.
3:10, NIV).
But I do see lovers of self. Ouch.
When you look back on your life and see little that
needs forgiveness, you’re in danger of missing the
I do see lovers of money and pleasure. Ouch.
depth of forgiveness that exists in Jesus’ great sacri-
fice.
I do see proud, arrogant and ungrateful. Ouch
None of us has been forgiven little.
I do see without self-control, swollen with conceit
and disobedient to parents. Ouch.
“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are
forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is for-
Ok, what about Romans? Surely with all the fire
given little, loves little” (Luke 7:47, ESV)
and brimstone there in the first few chapters we can
Do you love much, or little?
find something good?

Image credit:© Dmitri Oleinik | Dreamstime.com

How white is your dress?
 Written by Jenifer Jernigan

Forgiving Waters
So you want be like Jesus? Want the power
to love like He loves and the power to serve
as He served? Want the power to have the
compassionate heart towards all men like
He has? Want the power to walk in the path
that He’s laid out before you? Want the pow-
er to speak with boldness and confidence
the words God has given you?
All of this, and so very much more, is ab-
solutely available to the child of God and is
granted to Him at the moment of salvation.
The “more” included here, and something
we often times fail to discover or REFUSE
to discover is that with God’s power, the in-
dwelling of His Holy Spirit, comes the power
to forgive. The power to forgive others the
wrong they have committed against us and
the power to forgive ourselves.
Webster’s Dictionary defines forgive in the
following way, “1 a: to give up resentment
of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>,
b: to grant relief from payment of <forgive
a debt>; 2: to cease to feel resentment
against (an offender): PARDON <forgive
one’s enemies>.”
The word forgive is a verb, meaning it is an
action word; a word that requires someone
to DO something.
“Now before the Feast of the Passover,
when Jesus knew that His hour had come
that He should depart from this world to the
Father, having loved His own who were in
the world, He loved them to the end. And
supper being ended, the devil having al-
ready put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot,
Simon’s son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing
that the Father had given all things into His
hands, and that He had come from God and
was going to God, rose from supper and laid
aside His garments, took a towel and girded
Himself. After that, He poured water into a
basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet,
and to wipe them with the towel with which
He was girded.” John 13:1-5, NKJV
As their Teacher knelt to wash their feet, the
disciples balked at His act of servitude to-
wards them. The washing of another’s feet
was normally done by the lowliest of ser-
vants and in their eyes Jesus was NOT the
lowliest of servants. They probably would
have jumped at the opportunity to wash the
feet of Jesus had they thought of it first, but
never in their wildest dreams did they imag-
ine their Lord to be washing their feet.
With a towel girded around His waist and a
basin filled with water, Jesus, one by one,
washed the feet of the men who had fol-
lowed Him. What I find so fascinating about
this particular act of service is that Christ
knew where these feet had been and where
they would lead His disciples in the days to
come. All of them had been called out of the
world to follow Him. All of them had walked
where He walked over the past few years.
All of them had seen Him perform miracle
after miracle. All of them had questions. All
of them had fears. All of them had doubts.
And all of them would fail Him. One of them
would even hand Him over to the chief
priests and Pharisees to be crucified (John
18:1-9). This act of washing each of their
feet displayed to them Jesus’ humility, His
servant’s heart, and His willingness to for-
give them for all they had done and would
do. He forgave them of past sins and He for-
gave them for the sins they would commit
against Him in the days to come. He forgave
them…all of them. Even Judas, the one who
would betray Him with a kiss, He forgave. In
spite of who they were Jesus forgave them.
Because of God’s power in Him, Christ was
able to forgive.
If you and I want to be like Jesus, truly be
like Him…If our hearts desire is to flesh out
our faith loving as He loves, serving as He
served, caring as He cares, being like Jesus
in our day to day lives…if this is the person
we desire to become, then we are going to
have to forgive as He forgives.
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 He says, “Forgive.”
Jesus said in Matthew 6:14 that “if you
forgive men when they sin against you,”
then our “heavenly Father will also forgive
you (us).” Forgiveness doesn’t come with
stipulations and it’s not conditional. Jesus
doesn’t say if you forgive two out of the
three people who wrong you or those whom
you love then that’s good enough. He says,
“if you forgive men.” Men comes from the
Greek word anthrōpos meaning “a human
being whether male or female; all human in-
dividuals” (Thayer’s Greek Definitions). He
says that we are to forgive EVERYONE.
Jesus doesn’t put a limit on the number of
people we are to forgive nor does He put a
limit on how many sins, wrongs, faults, or
offenses we are to forgive. He says “forgive
men when they sin against you.”
“Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord,
how often should I forgive someone who
sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not
seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy
times seven!’” Matthew 18:21-22, NLT
After calculating the math, I’m sure Peter
was shocked to discover Jesus respond-
ed with, “forgive him not 7 times, but 490
times.” Four hundred and ninety times! Are
you kidding me? Who is going to keep a run-
ning tally of having forgiven someone 490
times!?!?! This was exactly Jesus’ point. No
one is going to keep that kind of tally but
instead having exercised forgiveness that
many times one would be in the habit of do-
ing it and wouldn’t think twice about forgiv-
ing every wrong done to them.
Forgiveness isn’t conditional. It doesn’t
come with stipulations. And, there are no
strings attached. In washing His disciple’s
feet Jesus demonstrated this very truth to
His followers.
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An important fact for us to note about for-
giveness is this: Forgives does require
something of the giver…it requires a denial
of self and humility of spirit. In washing the
disciples’ feet Jesus was the perfect exam-
ple of denying self and humility. He denied
His own desires, putting on the robe of ser-
vant leader and with meekness served.
But you have no idea the wrongs commit-
ted against me. You have no idea how deep
my pain goes. There’s no way I can forgive
that person. You are exactly right. I have
no idea the wrongs committed against you.
And, there is no way you can forgive that
person. Whatever the wrong done against,
it can only be forgiven through the power of
Christ living in you.
“His divine power has given us everything
we need for life and godliness through our
knowledge of him who called us by his own
glory and goodness.” 2 Peter 1:3, NIV
Everything we need, including the power to
forgive others, has been given to us by the
One who called us into a new life with Him.
Because Christ Jesus first granted forgive-
ness to us, kneeling down washing away
the grime and dirt of our pasts, present, and
future, we can forgive others. But, it is go-
ing to require that we deny those feelings of
revenge, anger, hatred, and bitterness from
creeping into our souls. It’s going to require
that we gird ourselves with the towel of for-
giveness, fill our basins with the living water
of God’s mercy and grace, and humble our-
selves before our offenders and wash their
feet with the water that will heal our souls
and theirs.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32, NIV
20 someone?

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feature article

Love
&
Forgiveness
Turn To God
She was welcomed into our home with a loving
embrace on the day we first met her. The result There is only One who truly understands our pain and
was betrayal and lies; a hurt so deep grief over- knows our heart in the deepest of ways. There is only
came me. My family left bruised and scarred. I One who surely has the answer. That One is Jesus. His
wanted to take away a pain I had no ability to counsel provides security and peace. He offers words
ease. And when the hurt she caused broke the of advice that lead us to a place of tranquility.
spirit of each of my loved ones, the wound that
was left on my heart turned into a hardened shell. Matthew 11:28-29 says, “Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my
Whenever we are mistreated it can hurt deeply. yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and
There can be a rawness and openness of pain humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
that digs deep into our hearts. It becomes easy (NIV)
for our minds to replay the incident over and
over again until the bitterness and anger wells There is hope for our weariness when we hurt from the
up and overflows. The hurt can overtake our at- pain that betrayal causes. Turning to God is the only
titudes and affect each person who crosses our way we can begin to heal our scars enough to allow
path. The hurt doesn’t mind lashing out at those forgiveness and love to grow.
closest to us, causing them to bear the brunt of
our misfortune. I know these feelings all too well
An Open Heart to Forgive
for I experienced them one too many times. I al-
lowed them to take over my joy; that is, until I had
God convicted my heart when the betrayal I experi-
enough!
enced superseded all betrayals before. When I realized
that my pain was not aiding my freedom, I searched for
As with any pain that hurt and misfortune can
God’s will. In that search, I was led to Luke 6:37 which
cause, weariness eventually takes over. When
says the following:
this happens, our only solution is what we should
have done to begin with. Turn to God. Allow Him
…Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (NIV)
to open our hearts to forgiveness. Allow some
form of the love we once had for our oppressor
We are called to forgive because our reception of for-
to pour back into our hearts; because in the end,
giveness depends on it.
love and forgiveness are essential for our heal-
ing.
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult choices we
can make. It is so hard because it has to come from
a heart that has been bruised and torn. God knows
how painful forgiveness is. In Matthew 18:22, Je-
sus told Peter to forgive his persecutor “…seventy
times seven!” (NLT) showing that it is not easy and
revealing that it is not instantaneous.
Forgiveness is not an emotion we feel, it is a choice
we make based on faith. It can be as simple as
speaking out loud “I forgive” even though the hurt
is still fresh. Once we begin to take even the small-
est of steps in the direction of forgiveness, God
acknowledges our devotion to His Word and takes
over the pain.
Love That Overflows
One of the most important reasons to forgive is so
that we may love. During the time when resentment
invaded me and God began working on my heart,
my pastor, Rev. Earl Dunmon, said something in
church that I will never forget. He said, “When we
love God, loving others, even those who perse-
cute us, becomes easier.” This revelation hit me so
deeply because my need for God’s direction had
just led me to a verse I struggled with days before.
Matthew 5:44 says the following: But I say to you,
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute
you. (ESV)
It was easier for me to see my need to forgive than
it was to see that I must love my offender too. How-
ever, when my pastor spoke those words from the
pulpit, I realized that because of my love for God,
my love for my enemy becomes less of a burden
and more of a gift.
This gift is love wrapped in a box with a ribbon of
forgiveness. Once we begin to untangle the ribbon
of forgiveness, no matter how slowly, love for our
enemy is the gift that releases hurt, tears, pain, bit-
terness and anger. It is also through love that for-
giveness begins an outpouring of peace that will
replace the bitterness and pain.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness
God’s Word offers us advice that is meant to benefit us
when we choose to forgive.
• Accept the hurt and turn to God for healing. Isaiah
53:5 says, “…by His wounds we are healed.” (NIV)
• Believe that God loves you. Romans 5:8 tells us, “But
God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while
we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (ESV)
• Love God first so you may love others. 1 John 4:20
reminds us, “…For anyone who does not love his
brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom
he has not seen.” (NIV)
• Pray for the person who wronged you. Matthew 5:44
says, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you.” (ESV)
• Make the choice to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 instructs
us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, for-
giving each other…” (NIV)
Forgiveness is hard and doesn’t mean that what hap-
pened to us will ever be forgotten. It won’t justify the pain
our offender caused us. Even if we never receive a well
deserved apology, holding on to the anger will cause a
bitterness that can take root in our hearts and grow. How-
ever, there is freedom in forgiveness from hurts we cause
ourselves when we grasp resentment.
Love and Forgiveness
There is love in forgiveness. There is a tie that binds the
two together. Finding love through forgiveness opens the
door to healing and peace. When chains from the bond-
age of bitterness are broken, our hearts receive a free-
dom the world cannot offer. I now can honestly say that
even though there is pain when I think of the hurt that per-
son caused me, there is love present when I pray for her;
a love that I know only God could give. Love is a beautiful
result of forgiveness; it’s the greatest outcome of all.
…the greatest of these is love. (I Corinthians 13:13 NIV)
Rachel W. Clark lives in Georgia with her
husband, two dogs, her cat and bird. She
enjoys reading and blogging. Her passion
is cooking. While she enjoys to cook, she
prefers mealtime with her family when her
mom’s food is on the table. Most importantly,
she loves sharing Christ’s love with others
and the power of His mercies.
10 Questions with Author Christa Allan

Interview by Judith Roberts

She’s a wife, a mother, a teacher, and a woman
saved by God’s grace. But Christa Allan is also
an author, whose debut novel, Walking on Broken
Glass, is available for purchase. Christa writes
the story of Leah, a woman drowning in alcohol
and lost in a seemingly loveless marriage. Leah
is witty and easy to relate to, but her tale did not
come without reflection from the author herself.
Christa also has two other books planned, a
prequel and a sequel to Walking on Broken Glass
which bring Leah’s story full circle. The prequel,
A Matter of Trust, deals with Leah’s parents and
how one stolen kiss led to a world of decep-
tion – and forgiveness. In the sequel to Walking
on Broken Glass, which is Picking up the Pieces,
Carl, Leah’s husband, deals with his own emo-
tional turmoil with his parents, his children and
even Leah herself.
[JR: How did you get the idea for this series?
CA: People are often surprised when I share that,
through the grace of God, I’ve been a recovering
alcoholic for over 20 years. I didn’t drag myself
out of gutters or lounge in bars or abandon my
children. I attended Garden Club meetings, ate
dinner at the country club and helped my kids
with their homework. And drank. And ignored
God. Recovery changed my life and brought
me back to God. If I hadn’t felt so alone, if I had
known other seemingly “normal” families strug-
gle with some kind of addiction, I might have
sought help sooner. So, the story I wanted to tell
was one of hope and healing, of God finding a
way to reach people in unexpected ways, and of
realizing that, while our lives may not follow the
script we prepared, God’s grace can still bless us.
[JR: You wrote such a connected tale for Leah
– dealing with her parents, her husband, and
her brother. What made you decide to write her
as such a “real” character with such an intricate
design?
CA: I wanted Leah to be real, and real people
don’t live in isolation. They have families, and
those families usually are not perfect either. Real
people have to live in the world, and the world
is messy business! When we have challenges in
our lives, there’s always a ripple effect. I think
to write a novel where the protagonist is the
center of everyone’s universe and all the other
characters neatly/nicely become what the pro-
tagonist needs them to be is not only unrealistic,
but insulting to readers. One of my reviews on
Amazon from a reader named Kim said this, and
it truly captures Leah: “Leah Thornton’s story is
painful. It is tragic. In a way, it is everyone’s story
though, because we all come to Christ wounded,
broken, battered and torn.”
JR: How did you mold and shape
Leah’s character?
CA: I knew where she’d start, and I had an idea
of what I hoped she’d become. So, the promise
of who she could be is what drove her character-
ization. But people don’t journey to wholeness
without dealing with the fragments in their lives,
and those events and how she ultimately viewed
them began to shape the woman she’d become.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
JR: Tell me a little about your family.
CA: My parents are both deceased. My mother died
at the age of 57; my father when he was 68. I have a
brother who is four years younger than I. Ken, my
husband, is a veterinarian. We’ll be married 19 years
in June. I have five children (yes, this marvelous man
married a single mom of five), two sons and three
daughters who range in age from 32 to 25. I have two
precious grandgirls who are 5 and 3.
JR: How long have you been teaching?
CA: This is my 22nd year of teaching high school
English. This year I taught freshmen, but I’ll go back
to teaching juniors next year. Juniors are my favorite
age group, plus the 11th grade curriculum is Ameri-
can Literature, which I love to teach.
JR: How do you hope your family and your students
remember you?
CA: As a woman who tried to be a good and faithful
servant of God, who lived grateful for all the family
and friends who surrounded her, and who thought
that every day she woke up breathing was a marvel-
ous day!
JR: How hard was it to write that first book?
CA: Walking on Broken Glass was written over a pe-
riod of three years. Hurricane Katrina accounted for
a lapse of two years between starting and finishing it.
Our family, though truly blessed with no home dam-
age, was displaced because of my husband losing his
job. The business he had worked for ended up mostly
in the Gulf of Mexico! For two years we lived in a city
about three hours away from our home, and look-
ing back, I realized God placed us exactly where we
needed to be.
It was during those two years that I connected with
Jessica Ferguson, an ACFW member and now presi-
dent of The Bayou Writers’ Group in Lake Charles.
She and I had actually “met” online through ACFW
before I even moved. She encouraged (challenged?)
me when she told me that if I was serious about writ-
ing, I needed to attend a conference.
Never doubt that God places people in our paths for
a reason!
Between the decision to attend the conference and
the actual conference date, everything that could
go awry did. My husband’s job opened up again,
so I returned to my former job, but he had to work
for two more months before leaving. I came back
and lived with a friend for two weeks. I didn’t have
an Internet connection, so all of my work had to be
finished at school. And since funds were tight, I at-
tempted to print my own business cards. The school
web blocker wouldn’t allow me on the site, and then
when I finally found a site it wouldn’t block my
printer died! I left school late and, what should have
been a five hour drive to meet my daughter who
would eventually drive me to meet Jess, ended up
being almost seven hours because of an accident. My
cell phone died in the process, so I had to make the
last few miles on a prayer because I’d never been to
my daughter’s new apartment. Again, looking back,
I believe that the one who doesn’t want us to succeed
is always on the sidelines waiting for us to give in to
despair.
JR: What keeps you writing now?
CA: The excitement of what unfolds when my fin-
gers hit the keyboard. I believe that, for now, writing
is how I can best serve God. Most of what I write
about are topics that I believe are the big elephants
in the room we as Christians don’t discuss. Alcohol-
ism was one of those topics, and I’m so blessed that
Abingdon Press allowed this novel to reach women
and their families. I’ve received so much feedback
from readers who are relieved and thankful for
Leah’s journey.
JR: Who is your favorite author and why?
CA: Just one? I’m all over the place in books I read,
from Stephenie Meyer to William Faulkner. Gabriel
Garcia Marquez, John Irving, Anne Lamott, Lisa
Samson. . .
JR: What is your favorite Scripture?
CA: [One of] my favorite scriptures: “Against all
hope, Abraham in hope believed. . .” Romans 4:18
In Stores Now!
Written by Andrea Mitchell
Simple Ways to
Serve OurFamilies
In the June issue of Exemplify, we took at look at
how setting our priorities can make us humble, by
helping us to see where we need to set ourselves
aside (Philippians 2:3, MSG) in order to make room
for the things God truly wants us to focus on.
I have to confess that I really struggle with putting
myself aside. I rather like making everything all
about me – I get a lot more attention that way. But as
I have been working on my priorities, God has been
working on my heart. And He’s helping me to see
that when I make everything all about me, my family
suffers in the process.
It’s almost impossible to focus all your attention on
yourself and your family. Someone is going to lose
out. I’m not saying that we should never pay atten-
tion to the things we need as women; that would be
unhealthy.
But the thing I am learning lately is that it really all
comes down to who I serve.
Am I serving me? Or am I serving God?
When I serve me, I have no time for anyone else.
I have no time to listen to my kids tell me about a
game they played at school in all its glorious detail.
I have no time to calm their fears, kiss their hurts,
or just sit and cuddle. When I am serving me I don’t
want anyone to disturb or interrupt me, or ask me
the same question ten times in five minutes because
they didn’t hear me the first time.
But when I am serving God, suddenly those things
I am fixated on don’t seem so important. Suddenly I
have time to listen and enjoy the great detail in my
children’s stories. I have patience to deal with melt-
downs. I can’t wait to sit and read a book with all
three kids (and the dog!) piled on the couch beside
me.
Philippians 2:4 (NIV) admonishes us to “…look not
only to (or focus on) our own interests, but also to
the interests of others .” The Message says “Forget
yourself long enough to lend a helping hand.”
Last month we took some time to write down the
things we place the most importance on in our
lives, and then prioritized them in order to make our
homes and our relationships better reflect God’s
desires for our lives.
For me personally, the areas of most importance
were my marriage, my family, and my ministry. Re-
member, your priorities may look different, and that
is okay! Also remember that no matter where we
place our priorities, God should be over every sin-
gle one of them.
I hope you were able to do this exercise – if not,
check out the June issue of Exemplify for details.
Did you notice the same thing I did when setting
your priorities? I noticed that the things that I need
to place the most importance on in my life are the
things that require a great deal of sacrifice from me.
They require me to put myself aside, to forget my-
self long enough to focus on the people around me.
The times I find this the most difficult are when I
am busy. And ladies, it’s easy to be busy nowa-
days, isn’t it? Being busy is almost a status sym-
bol in our society – it allows us to feel importance.
The problem with being busy is it can easily take
up my whole day. I can be busy doing housework
(although to be honest, that is rarely a problem for
me!), busy writing, busy working from home, busy
with friends, busy busy busy. By the end of the day
I may have accomplished quite a bit, and yet ac-
complished nothing in terms of my family.
If we are going to truly look towards the interests of
others, namely our children and husbands, we are
going to have to be intentional about it.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
• SET ASIDE TIME EACH DAY TO SPEND WITH
FAMILY. It doesn’t have to be six hours, but fam-
ily time is imperative if we are going to raise
children who love one another and strive to live
lives that glorify God. Conversations don’t hap-
pen while each of us have our faces in front of a
screen. They happen when we have our faces
turned toward each other.
• EAT TOGETHER AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. I
have to admit, I need to work on this one more!
Having supper together most nights of the week
opens the doors to communication, allowing you
to see what is really going on in your family’s
lives and how you can help them in areas they
are in need.
• ASK QUESTIONS. As our children get older,
they are less forthcoming with information. Ask
questions and ask them often! Even if you get a
grunt in response, your efforts show your child
that you are indeed interested in what is happen-
ing in their lives. (This applies to our husbands,
too!)
• LISTEN. It’s not enough to ask questions. We
need to truly listen to our children’s and hus-
band’s responses.
• DO SOMETHING THE OTHER MEMBERS OF
YOUR FAMILY LIKE TO DO. My husband loves
picnics. As soon as the snow melts, he gets the
itch to go on the first picnic of the season. I, on the
other hand, would much rather go to a restaurant
and have someone else cook for and wait on me.
But even though picnics mean a lot of work for
me, not to mention bugs and other creepy crawly
things fighting for my food, I have learned to set
aside my preference in favor of my husband’s
during the summer months. Not only does he ap-
preciate the effort, but I’ve actually come to look
forward to these fun family excursions – bugs
and creepy crawlies notwithstanding!
This coming month, as we work on setting our priori-
ties, let’s also remember to work on focusing less on
ourselves and more on the interests of our families.
And maybe even go on a picnic or two. Just don’t
forget the bug spray!
 Written by Alison Hunt

Finally I Confessed
In First Person:

I sure hope you don’t mind getting
a little of my history in order ex-
plain my present. My story of love
and loss is not unique, and all the
more reason to tell it to you.
When I was 18 there was a man I loved with all of
my heart. He was a pastor’s kid and I was the nice
girl who used to go to church. We worked together;
we played together; we did everything together.
The relationship was never really easy. It was a
constant push and pull of wanting love and wanting
freedom. Somehow we never found the freedom in
love. Hurting each other was easy and the love was
full, but when it came down to it fear dictated the
ultimate decision that tore us apart.
We had one perfect spring/summer, and right be-
fore I left for college I broke up with him to have
complete independence of living on my own for the
first time. It didn’t take me long realize the mistake
I made. So, I tried to pick up where we left off. It
worked…for a while. This time it was his turn to
seek the freedom all of his friends were experienc-
ing as unattached bachelors. I finally realized it was
him that I wanted but he could only give me friend-
ship. I took it.
The break happened right as summer started after
my freshman year of college and to say I despaired
would be an understatement. I was at the lowest
point emotionally I had ever been, but I was deter-
mined to be the best friend I knew how to be. We
talked. Every day. Every day I was reminded that
the person I loved didn’t want me. If there was one
thing I regretted it was not actually saying to him, “I
love you.”
image credit: microsoft
When I got back to school in the fall I was tired of
being sad all the time, and was willing to try any-
thing. Fortunately for me a childhood friend invited
me to a campus ministry meeting and God radically
changed my heart that night. Joy was restored to
my soul as well as a new passion in my relationship
with God. I was on a quest to rid my life of every-
thing that was not pleasing to Him. In the process
I sought advice from friends about my relationship
with my ex and what I should do about it. What I
heard was I needed to cut him out of my life, and I
did. As a relatively new believer I hadn’t yet grasped
the difference between listening to friends and lis-
tening to the Holy Spirit. I am not saying that seek-
ing the wisdom of friends is wrong. What I am say-
ing is that it is wrong to seek the wisdom of friends
in the place of seeking the Holy Spirit.
I called him and told him that my life had changed
and he was not to call, email, or write me. We
needed to go our separate ways. I’ll never forget
what he said to me before we hung up that night,
“Isn’t this change in your life something you want
your friends, me, to be a part of?” All I could say in
response was “I’m sorry, I’m supposed to do this.”
The immediate feeling was relief, but it was quickly
followed by the feeling I had made a really big mis-
take that I didn’t know how to take back.
Since I didn’t know how to take it back, I went on
with my life and figured he wouldn’t want to hear
from me. Why would he, right? I pushed forward
in my relationship with God but was always just a
little mad that I had to give up “him” for Him. For
about four years I lived on the faith and revelation of
other people. I learned a lot, but it wasn’t my faith.
Somewhere in the fifth year of silence I began to
find my faith and understand that I needed to make
amends for the way in which I ended things. I did
what any insecure girl would do; I emailed him an
apology. Do you know what he did? He forgave me.
FORGAVE me. No questions asked.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
It was a heady feeling to know
he harbored no grudge and ins-
ta-love was in full bloom in my
heart. I began to feel deep love and pain,
incredible loss, selfishness, and regret. Most
of all I was feeling the need to ask for forgive-
ness, again. I was caught in an emotional
whirlwind. He shouldn’t have forgiven me, but
he did. And so the cycle began. Every time we
talked from that point on…whirlwind.
Five years later…
“It’s amazing how one thought of an old feel-
ing can turn into an open flame in seconds…
some memories are more powerful than pres-
ent reality.”
I recently tweeted and updated my facebook
status with that statement. I wrote it in a mo-
ment when all of my emotions and thoughts
were caught up in the memory of him. The vo-
racity by which the emotions took me was so
strong it just about folded me in half. Again,
I was feeling deep love and pain, incredible
loss, selfishness, and regret. Most of all I was
feeling the need to ask for forgiveness, again.
I was caught in the emotional whirlwind and
finally sick of it.
Many thoughts questions poured out of my
heart and into God’s that night: “God, why do
I still love him? Why do I always feel the need
to apologize? Why does his name alone set off
a firestorm deep within? Why can I not let this
go? Why can I not match my emotions with the
way I treat him? Why? Why do I keep inserting
myself in his life? I’m just so tired of dragging
myself over emotional coals. God, I can’t ever
move forward to be with another man while
I still feel this way. It wouldn’t be fair. Please
show me how to be unburdened.”
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
God certainly did show me exactly what I had
been carrying for the past 10 years…anger to-
wards Him for “making” me give up the guy,
anger towards my well meaning friends who
gave me the advice so many years ago, anger
towards myself for not being able to let him go
after all of these years, guilt for deeply hurt-
ing him in the process of cutting off, guilt for
waiting so long to apologize to him, guilt for
at times wanting him more than God, guilt for
simply loving him, guilt because I felt like I had
given up my chance for marriage, and guilt
over my insecurity that caused me to keep
sparking with him. On top of it all, if that wasn’t
enough, I was feeling guilty that for 10 years I
hid my guilt from God.
Friends, we all know that God knew just how
guilty I was feeling, but He wanted me to tell
Him directly. To trust Him enough
with this deep tender place of
my heart, and I couldn’t. Oh, I prayed
about him over the years, but I held back the
deep truth of what was really going on in this
heart of mine.
As I prayed through this, God brought me to
just the scripture I needed {as He always does}:
“Oh, what joy for those whose disobe-
dience is forgiven, whose sin is put
out of sight. Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared
from guilt, whose lives are lived in
complete honesty! When I refused
to confess my sin, my body wasted
away, and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of disci-
pline was heavy on me. My strength
evaporated like water in the sum-
mer heat. Finally I confessed all my
sins to you and stopped trying to
hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will
confess my rebellion to the Lord.’
And you forgave me! All my guilt is
gone.” Psalm 32:1-5 NLT
This is a Psalm of David, and if you know his
story, then you know he had some serious
issues to feel guilty about. If David can walk
in the full forgiveness of God, can I not then
too? I can. You can. It’s easy to repent for the
parts I want to let go, but when it comes to
what I want to control because the future is
uncertain, that’s where the groaning comes
into play. My perspective was se-
riously shifted when David says
“Finally I confess all my sins
to you…” It was then that God
removed the guilt he was feel-
ing. I highly encourage you to read the rest
of Psalm 32. It’s both encouraging and chal-
lenging. I’ll let God speak to you on that one
though. Some things are better left for you to
discover.

What I’ve learned is that I need to have zero

control of my life if I want to live in the full-
ness of my relationship with God. It is then
that He truly gets the glory. My healing alone
will show of His astounding glory. There are a
few friends who have walked with me through
this from the beginning to now. They would
all tell you that my healing in this situation is
a complete miracle. Know this, I am healed,
but my habits are still being changed. Life is a
process. Amen?

Friends, my prayer for you is that you would

step out of the place where you hide all of
your guilt. Bring it out into the open light of our
loving God and finally confess it. He will be
tender, and trust me, the joy is worth the pain
of letting go. For the first time in 10 years, I
don’t feel guilty.
Life As an
Army Wife

Feature Article

If someone had told me a decade ago that I
would be the wife of a soldier in the United
States Army, I probably would have laughed
at them. Even after over nine years of shar-
ing our life with the military, I still have a dif-
ficult time picturing myself as a military wife.
It was not until we were in the middle of our
third overseas deployment that it finally start-
ed to sink in a bit. Like it or not, planned for or
not, this is our life. I am an Army wife.
My husband and I married very young and
divorced after two years of marriage. Four
years later, and by the grace of God, we re-
married just eight short weeks before he was
given his first set of war orders; a deployment
to Afghanistan. He was not there to hold
my hand when our daughter was born. In-
stead, my husband was on the other side of
the world fighting for her future. He was not
there when our youngest son reached all his
first milestones either. Rather he was in the
desert helping rebuild communities so other
children had a future to look toward.
During our first six years of marriage, my
husband spent over three and a half years
deployed. He missed birthdays, anniversa-
ries, holidays, Christmases, and first days of
school. We have faced injuries and “close
calls” and life-altering Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder, all in the name of duty. There have
been times when I nearly cringed as a total
stranger thanked us for our service. Quite
honestly, I have resented my husband’s time
away, no matter how much I supported the
war or the troops.
One thing, though, has always been abun-
dantly clear. My Heavenly Father was always
right there with me through it all, even when
my husband was a world away. He continued
to remind me of that daily, whether through
His Word or through His children. Matthew
10:29-31 was a passage that continually
came to mind.
d
d
Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny,
can fall to the ground without your Father
d
knowing it. And the very hairs on your head
are all numbered. So don’t be afraid: you
are more valuable to him than a whole flock of
d
sparrows. (NLT)
If my God was powerful enough to know ev-
d
ery single sparrow that fell to the ground, or
to know the number of hairs on my head, how
much more capable was He to care for me
d
and my family?! Furthermore, Who better to
entrust my husband to while he was deployed
than to God?!
d
Though the Army way of life may not have
been the path I ever would have chosen, it is
d
the path the Lord has allowed us to travel. My
heart has ached for my husband during our
times of separation; so much so that some-
d
times it just hurt to breathe. Our children have
missed their dad. I have listened as my chil-
dren cried for him at night and felt that impos-
d
sibly helpless feeling down deep in my soul.
There have been days where nearly every
waking moment was spent in prayer, begging
d
God for my husband’s safety and protection.
Yet through it all, God’s constant presence
and miraculous provisions were a source of
d
overwhelming strength and comfort. Best of
all, God has brought my husband home to
me, safe and sound, every time. There are
d
no words for my gratitude for that miraculous
Providence.
d
Two things have become absolutely critical to
surviving this role as a military wife:
d
• A close and totally dependent relation-
ship with our Heavenly Father
• A strong community of support for me
d
and my family.
•
d
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
d
d
We would not have made it through all three
deployments and all the time of separation
without either of those things. There is such

d
an absolute dependency on the Lord when
your spouse is in a war zone. Let’s face it
– we wives literally have no control or say in

d
what happens to our husbands over there.
The only thing, the best thing, we can do is to
PRAY and rely on God for the rest. In that de- Mandy Roberson is married to her hero

d
pendency, God provides an amazing peace and best friend after a miraculous recon-
and strength beyond measure to get through ciliation and is currently learning to em-
the tasks at hand. Sometimes the source of brace the life of an Army wife. She is moth-

d
that strength is also the network of support er to three unique and precious blessings
we are blessed to be a part of, whether it be – currently ages 11, 6, and 3. She holds
other military families or the family we find in a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and

d
our local church. Counseling and has many years’ work ex-
perience in a variety of fields – all of which
If you are a military family preparing for de- contribute greatly to her writing at Count-

d
ployment, cling to a church family for spiritual ing My Pennies and My Blessings and
encouragement, strength, and the community Brokenness into Beauty. Blogging has
it can provide. Our home church truly em- allowed her to find her passion again in

d
braced our children and me while my hus- writing and connecting with others. You
band was in Iraq. My brothers and sisters in can follow Mandy @PennyBlessings, @
Christ were able to fill at least a part of the BrokenN2Beauty, and on Facebook.

d
huge void I felt while going it alone. It was
as if God spoke to each one of them and told
them of our exact need and they were more

d
than willing to accept the task. The love of the
family of God is absolutely priceless.

d
If I have learned anything from my time as an
Army wife, it is that we can survive. We can
make it through anything, as long as we have

d
the Lord on our side. We are never truly alone.
We are never neglected or forgotten. We are
never out of His reach. God has taken such

d
amazing care of us and has met every sin-
gle need we had, sometimes even before we
knew it. Be encouraged because with God,

d
all things are possible (see Matthew 19:26) …
even living life as a military wife.

d
d exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
@exemplify
The Book Nook with Deborah Boutwell

Lookin’ Back, Texas

Written by: Leanna Ellis
When I was thinking about what book I wanted to share with
you, I considered this month’s theme of Forgiveness, but I also
considered that at the time of my reading, I was personally go-
ing through some storms (literally). I was trapped in my home
for a couple of days because of rain that was flooding all the
roads, I had no electricity or water, and my house was full of kids
who didn’t know what to do without some electronic device in
their hand. I needed a good laugh and I remembered this book,
Lookin’ Back, Texas. I ran to my bookcase and hunted it down.
If there was ever a book that would make me laugh out loud…
this one was it.

Leanna Ellis has written other books since Lookin’ Back, Texas
was released a couple of years ago, but this is still one of my fa-
vorites. Her characters are true to life, witty, and lovable.

Suzanne, Matt, & Oliver Mullins have the perfect life going for
them in California. Matt’s job as a successful attorney has sup-
plied Suzanne with everything she ever wanted: a stable home,
a loving husband, a normal marriage. The only hiccups in Su-
zanne’s life are her son, Oliver…15 years old and learning to
drive, and her parents back in Texas, Betty Lynne and Archie
Davidson.

Suzanne must return home to Luckenbach, Texas (made fa-

mous by Waylon Jennings’ and Willie Nelson’s song and “joking-
ly referred to as Lookin’ Back”) for her father’s funeral. The only
problem is her father isn’t dead…except in her mother’s mind.
And her mother seems to have completely lost her mind as she
is planning the funeral of the decade for her dearly departed hus-
band….who departed to the hotel, not realizing his wife of 40+
years has killed him off.
 Like the casket. Betty Lynne orders a casket for
the funeral, which is delivered by a most unusual
hearse and driver. The local dance hall (which also
serves as the church) becomes the place to be….
Suzanne can’t figure out how to help her parents or but Betty Lynne doesn’t really want anyone looking
how to keep her secrets from destroying the perfect too closely. As she is arranging for the flowers, there
marriage she has. Why doesn’t her mother have any are a few folks in town that just have to have a peek
of Oliver’s recent pictures out on display in her house? inside that casket. The sheriff becomes even more
Will anyone else notice the similarities between her involved in the Mullins’ life when he gets the call that
son and the local sheriff, Drew (a past love of Su- a body has been found in the casket, which is nor-
zanne’s): especially her husband? And why is the guy mal. The only question is: whose body is it?
next door always sitting on his porch naked?
Can relationships be saved…rebuilt, made better…
Betty Lynne would much rather be viewed as a widow with the simple act of forgiveness?
than a divorcee. She gets more sympathy as a widow.
Mike tries to prepare Suzanne for the possibility that “No relationship is perfect. It’s a dance. Sometimes
her father might remain dead in her mother’s heart
and a divorce could be in their future. Yet he also re-
one partner makes a misstep and crunches the other
assures Archie that Betty Lynne will forgive him, just partner’s toes. But that doesn’t mean the dance ends.
like Suzanne had forgiven him. There are dips and turns. As the old song goes, one
step forward, two steps back.”
“My heart aches at the truth of his words but at the
absence of something else. Mike has never forgiven me. Suzanne learns what true forgiveness is from the
But only because I never gave him the chance. That is most unexpected place, and it’s a lesson we could
all learn. When asked how forgiveness came, one
the one thing that stands between us.”
simple word is the answer…”God.”
As more and more casseroles and cakes arrive for
the grieving family, just when things couldn’t get any “That’s how I managed. It’s as simple as that. God
worse….it does. Oliver gets into some minor trouble got me through it. He brought me back to you when
with the law and comes face to face with Suzanne’s I didn’t have the courage. He helped me to see my
biggest secret. She finally realizes that her secrets mistakes, my failings. He helped me…forgive.”
must be revealed so that forgiveness can be sought.
Forgiveness isn’t so much about the person who
“Oliver moves forward at his father’s bidding. I real- has injured you seeking your forgiveness; it’s about
ize in that moment I’ve been holding onto his arm too, you forgiving them whether they ask for forgiveness
as if I’m afraid I might lose my grip, my hold on my or not. You can only do that if you take your hurt and
anger to God. And it’s also about forgiving yourself.
son, my past, my secrets. It’s hard to let go. But I
Leanna reminded me of that.
do.”
“Emotions tighten my throat and all I can do is lean
I love the way Leanna Ellis mixes humor in with the
drama of her story. She has created a story that any
my head against his shoulder. Like Mike said, I
of us could relate to. Who doesn’t have past sins that can’t do anything about the past. Nor can I foresee
you and God have dealt with, but you and the person problems which might occur. I can only live mo-
you sinned against have not? She hits those feelings ment by moment and pray that God will give me the
of quilt and shame right on, and then throws in a twist grace to get through each.”
that makes you laugh.

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
 How to
Say Goodbye to the

Mrs. Jones
Lifestyle
Written by Wendy Miller

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
About two months ago, I was sitting at my
daughter’s award banquet, surveying the
crowd, and all of a sudden thoughts started
jabbing at me.
Look how put together that mom is. She’s
so classy with her expensive blouse. I need
to go shopping. Check out that mother. Her
makeup is perfectly polished. Maybe I should
invest more money in lipstick. Oh, and look
how sweet that mom is tucking her daugh-
ter’s hair behind her ears with a bouquet
of flowers awaiting her after the ceremony.
Maybe I should…
You get the point. I ran through a mental
list of how I could be Mrs. Jones. So as you
read the rest of this article, you’ll understand
I know exactly what it feels like to struggle
with wanting to look and act like Mrs. Jones.
After my tirade of deliriously envious and
time-wasting thoughts, God smacked me up-
side the head with this verse:
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not con-
sider his appearance or his height, for I have
rejected him. The LORD does not look at the
things man looks at. Man looks at the out-
ward appearance, but the LORD looks at the
heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)
There are so many ways to get caught up with
desiring to live like Mrs. Jones. We can crave
her parenting skills, her patience, her suc-
cess or fame, or even her ability to hold her
tongue. Most often though, I’m sure you’d
agree, we are seduced by the outer appear-
ance Mrs. Jones portrays. Her stellar green
thumb manicured yard, her tidy, wrinkle and
stain-free children, her three hundred dol-
lar shoes (I actually met a lady at a party
who made a display of showing off her three
hundred dollar shoes. I nearly choked on my
guacamole.)
It’s important to recognize when our mind
shifts from a state of admiration or respect
for another woman’s lifestyle toward a less
innocent jealousy or lust for it.
I’m going to focus on three ways to live
like yourself and not dear Mrs. Jones:
Be a Good Steward of
Your Money
• Did you know money is one of the topics
Jesus addressed most often throughout
his ministry on earth? God cares how
we use what He’s provided us with.
We’re called to tithe. Dave Ramsey
has written some amazing books about
sticking to a budget, financing and de-
creasing debt.
• Have you ever evaluated how much ex-
tra paper shuffles through your hands
throughout the month? How many
magazines do you order, but then care-
lessly toss aside? Especially when it
comes to having to flip through page
upon page of gorgeous super models,
maybe it’s time to cut down spending
on magazines and even newspapers.
Cut out the frivolous in your life.
• Shop wisely. My mom, sisters and I
have a running game we play. We like
to check in with each other from time
to time to see who has scored the big-
gest deal. We go for the bargains. We
spin it into some sort of fun contest.
You can do this with friends. Remem-
ber to spend money only on what’s
needed. By doing this, you’re not pur-
chasing things because Mrs. Jones has
them, you’re buying them because you
need them and you’re accomplishing
this on a budget.
• Enjoy free adventures by heading out
to museums and parks. Eat out less.
There’s a restaurant in our town certain
people frequent just to be seen there.
That goes beyond wanting to enjoy a
night every so often. If eating out has
more to do with the social scene (and
by this I’m not talking about laughing
and connecting with friends) you know
you’ve dipped a little too far into Mrs.
Jones’ mentality.
 Care Less about Your Looks
Mrs. Jones walks around trying to get noticed. God hopes we are walking around trying to
get others to notice Him and His glory. This hit me so hard after I got home the night of that
awards banquet. What had come over me? By the time the night ended I had a whole new
wardrobe picked out in my head, I planned to throw down at least one hundred dollars on
cosmetics and I swore I’d do a better job ironing. Like I said, what had come over me? I’m
willing to bet whatever delusion I’d slipped into during that banquet, you’ve also experienced.
If not at a banquet, how about the grocery store? No? A wedding? Still, no? Hmm. I’ve got
it…the swimming pool. I knew it.

We all like to look good, right? I recently heard that Americans spend over 20 million dollars
per year on cosmetics. That’s mind blowing. I’m not suggesting we go around makeup-less.
I might scare you. What I am saying is that maybe we spend too much of our time primp-
ing, too much of our finances purchasing yet another lipstick that will end up in our cosmetic
graveyard and too much of our energy on how we look. I won’t even mention plastic surgery.
Here are some practical ideas how to shut the door on Mrs. Jones’ concept of beauty.

• Spend less on beauty products. If your closet is already bunched full, you probably don’t
need a bag of new items just for a pick me up.
• Next time you want to compliment a friend try to encourage her about something other
than her shirt, her shampoo commercial hair or her fabulous eye liner. Though it never
hurts to do this, dig a little deeper instead. Tell her how much you loved the appetizer she
brought to the picnic. Let her know how meaningful it is that, every time she asks how
you’re doing, you can tell she wants to know. Explain how much respect you have for her
because she’s sticking with her marriage during a rough patch.
• Take less time pampering and primping. What? I know, what I just wrote sounded worse
than nails on a chalkboard. I don’t mean to do that, really. I’m by no means suggesting a
good pampering every so often is off the table. You need to get on that table and get that
massage to rejuvenate. I’m merely saying that you don’t need to keep up with You Know
Who in this area. You don’t need a weekly manicure. Really, I promise, you don’t. You
don’t need to buy hundreds of dollars to get your eyes to light up just so. They are light
enough. Maybe you struggle to feel that way, but God doesn’t. Trust me, every time you
pray or act in a loving way, your eyes are beams of His light and love.

“It occurs to me it is not so much the aim of the devil

to lure me with evil as it is to preoccupy me with the
meaningless.” - Donald Miller
 Adopt the Right Kind of Competitive Attitude

Some things are worth competing over. You know, like who will get the last piece of
chocolate in the house. But who emulates a lifestyle most like Mrs. Jones—not worth
competing over. In order to sift the good kind of competitive attitude from the not so
good, here are a few things to consider:

• Be Honest about Jealousy. Clearly the night of my daughter’s banquet my thoughts

had moved from admiration to incompetence. Right when we start to notice the
shifting from, “she looks nice” or “what a compassionate way to treat her children”
to “I need to fiddle with my hair more” or “what’s wrong with how I parent” we
need to be honest. It’s jealousy. It’s becoming about us and it can bear absolutely
no fruit.
• Pour Energy in Areas of Strength and Service. Why waste time trying to perfect Mrs.
Jones’ smile when our smile is much more revealing of who we are—who God has
created us to be?
• In Colossians we’re told to work at whatever we do as though working for the Lord.
It’s commendable to throw ourselves into our work and our passion. If we’re able to
do this while keeping in mind where our worth comes from, then I say more power
to us. More power to you. And you. And you.
• To quote Fleetwood Mac, “Go your own way.” We all have a unique purpose for be-
ing here. Competition can be fun when we understand this. We feel a new found
freedom to encourage more and compare less. Do your thang, people. Because
there’s only one you to do it.

You don’t need to be Mrs. Jones. There are already far too many of those out there
anyway.

I’ll leave you with the same question Francis Chan has asked, “Has your relationship
with God changed the way you live your life?”

Are you living like you or

are you still trying to live like her?

exemplifyonline.com | © 2010

Holding
His Hand
Written by Holly Smith
As a mom of four, sometimes I think the only
thing I say over and over in my children’s ears is
this: “You need to ask forgiveness” or “You need
to forgive.” I don’t know if their actions are sin-
cere–it’s between them and the Lord. But one
thing I do know is that in our family, we make it
a practice to forgive.
In my family when I was growing up, I don’t ever
remember that being much of a topic. It was
more like this: ”I want this. Why can’t I have
it? Or why can’t they come over? Or why can’t I
go?” The selfish nature of my heart offends me
to think about and replay in my head, even now.
So when my neighbor, Susan, introduced me
to Christ Jesus at the age of 8, I do not think
I grasped the concept of forgiveness. I just re-
member confessing the same sins over and over
to Him. I think it was a one-way conversation,
because I talked a lot and didn’t listen at all.
So I did not really receive or believe His forgive-
ness. I just hoped that I was forgiven.
By the time I was 18 years old, I can still see my-
self–as if I were watching from above the whole
time–on the floor of my dorm room, face down
before Jesus. I cried out to Him. I confessed
once again. But this time? This time I listened
back–I heard His heart for me. He said in my
heart, “Child, I forgive you. Now turn from your
sin and walk with me. Hold fast to my Hand.”
And I guess I have been doing that ever since–
holding fast to His hand, believing and receiving
His forgiveness and loving Him.
Some might want to cheapen His forgiveness by
giving you a list of steps you must take to be for-
given–they are all about the rules of faith. To have
faith, you do A, B, and C.
Some might want to water down His grace by say-
ing, “Oh well, of course He forgives me.”
Though they were never sorry, they wrote a check
for an account that didn’t even exist.
But the simplicity of His forgiveness is this: Jesus
pursues you. Erwin McManus in his book, “Soul
Cravings,” tells the story of Jesus in the Middle
East. He says, “I once met a girl named Kim, and I
fell in love. I pursued her with my love and pursued
her with my love until I felt my love had captured
her heart. So I asked her to be my wife, and she
said no. I was unrelenting and asked her again,
pursuing her with my love, and I pursued her with
my love until she said yes. I did not send my broth-
er, nor did I send a friend. For in issues of love, you
must go yourself.”
He continued, “This is the story of God: He pursues
you with His love and pursues you with His love,
and you have perhaps not said yes. And even if you
reject His love, He pursues you ever still. It was not
enough to send an angel or prophet or any other,
for in issues of love, you must go yourself. And so
God has come. This is the story of Jesus, that God
has walked among us and He pursues us with His
love. He is very familiar with rejection, but is un-
deterred. And He is here even now, still pursuing
you with His love.”
You are His beloved. You are His treasure. And
beyond anything else in this whole world, He is
about setting your feet on the Rock, which is His
very own Self! He is about putting a NEW song in
your mouth. He is about redeeming the things we
long since have pushed down and tried to forget.
He is about making all things brand new in your
life. And you know what? Picture it. He is looking
you straight in the eyes and saying, “Child, I for-
give you. Now turn from your sin and walk with
me. Hold fast to my Hand.”
So for recipes today, I thought about things we
have to “walk with and hold their hand” to prepare
them. Not for one second can you take a break, but
it is so worth it!
 Banana Puddin’
1 1/3 c. sugar
2 T. flour
pinch of salt
2 c. milk
2 eggs
2 t. vanilla
1/2 stick butter
1 box Nilla Wafers
1 large container Cool Whip, thawed
8 ripe bananas, sliced (May want to sprin-
kle a bit of fruit fresh on top of the slices to
keep bananas from turning brown.)
Stir together in large sauce pan, 1 1/3 c.
sugar, 2 T. flour, pinch of salt, 1 c. milk.
Heat on medium-low for 5 minutes. Stir
together eggs and 1 c. milk in dish. Slowly
stir into pan mixture. Cook on medium low,
stirring frequently until mixture coats the
spoon. Remove custard from heat and add
vanilla and butter. Cool.
In a trifle dish, layer wafers, 2 bananas,
then 1/3 custard mixture, then 1/3 whipped
topping. Then layer wafers, 2 bananas, 1/3
custard mixture, whipped topping. Then
layer wafers, 2 bananas, 1/3 custard mix-
ture, whipped topping and last two ba-
nanas on top. Chill for at least two hours
before serving.
exemplifyonline.com | © 2010
Egg Rolls
1/2 lb. lean boneless pork
2 T. peanut or sesame oil plus 2 c., divided
1 – 8 oz. pkg. mushrooms, chopped
1 c. chopped bean sprouts
1/2 c. finely chopped water chestnuts
2 green onions, finely chopped
4 c. finely shredded cabbage
2 T. soy sauce
1 T plus 1 t. cornstarch
1 – 16 oz. pkg. egg roll wrappers
Process food in a food processor until finely
chopped. Cook pork in 2 T. peanut (sesa-
me) oil over medium high heat for two min-
utes, until the meat crumbles. Add mush-
rooms, sprouts, water chestnuts and green
onions, stirring constantly for 4 minutes.
Stir in cabbage.
Combine soy sauce and cornstarch in a
small bowl, stirring well. Add to meat mix-
ture and cook 2-3 minutes until thick and
bubbly.
Spoon 1/3 c. mixture in center of wrapper.
Fold top corner and wrapper over filling,
tucking tip of corner under filling. Fold
left and right corners over filling. Lightly
brush remaining corner with water. Tight-
ly roll end toward remaining corner and
gently press to seal.
Pour 2 c. oil in wok or dutch oven. Heat
to 375 degrees. Fry egg rolls a few at a
time for 2 minutes or until golden, turning
once. Yields 16 egg rolls. From The Ulti-
mate Southern Living Cookbook.
 Wings,
Worries
& Worms
an empty nest
journey

Written by Alene Snodgrass


I felt it. There it was, that all too familiar
lump in my throat again. I had figured that
after my first two children graduated from
high school, the third and last one graduat-
ing would be a breeze. No more emotional
outbreaks. No more tears. She’d just walk
the stage, I’d holler loud, and we’d be done
with it. Shouldn’t it all be familiar and ‘old
hat’ by now?
It was a day just like any other day. Linds,
my youngest, came in from school and we
were visiting about her days adventures
when all of a sudden she says, “I have got to
get registered for the SAT.”
That’s the moment I knew raising and watch-
ing the kids graduate would never become
‘old hat!’ It just seems – seriously – that as
a mom I’d get use to this. I have raised all
three of my children with the intent of them
growing their own wings. I never thought of
it as “wanting them out of the house,” I just
wanted them to have the lessons and tools
they would need to grow up and succeed. But
who ever thought watching them leave the
nest would be so emotional?
It was just weeks after that encounter with
the lump in my throat that Exemplify signed
me on as a columnist for Empty-Nesters.
Part of me thinks this is funny. Part of me
thinks this is scary. And the other part of
me (I guess I have many parts, more to share
later) thinks this will be therapeutic (or so I
hope) as I journal the journey to becoming
an empty-nester.
Wings, Worries, and Worms is my journey,
but it will be a familiar journey to those of us
who are nearing the empty-nester season of
life. You are probably wondering if what I
have to say will mean anything to you. Good
thinking and pondering on your part.
image credit: Alexy1 | sxc.hu
So here’s a little bit about me and my fam-
ily. We are retired from the US Coast Guard,
which basically means we moved around a
lot for 23 years. Our children always adjust-
ed well. Our last duty station was to Corpus
Christi, Texas and that was about the time
our oldest children began high school. Once
we retired we stayed in Corpus, mainly be-
cause our children were so rooted. They had
great friends and an awesome youth group,
a mother’s dream-come-true!
I just need to say something – after read-
ing back over these paragraphs – I apologize
that this comes across all white-picket-fence.
Mercy, our family is far from perfect. We
have had our number of struggles and then
some, many of which will probably make it
into this column. To read more about my or-
dinary life you can find me at Ordinary is
Amazing, my ministry blog.
As your ordinary, everyday mother, I’ve
raised my precious ones by the quote, “Good
parents give their children roots and wings.
Roots to know where home is, wings to fly
away and exercise what’s been taught them.”
(Joseph Joubert) I trained them to exercise
discipline just as Timothy writes in 1 Timo-
thy 4:12 MSG, “And don’t let anyone put you
down because you’re young. Teach believ-
ers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by
love, by faith, by integrity.”
But I never dreamed how hard it would be
to actually watch them fly and exercise all
that had been taught to them. (I wonder if it
is this heart-wrenching for a momma bird as
she pushes her young from the nest!)
My oldest daughter graduated four years ago
and left for college. I cried my eyes out. The
house seemed empty. The family personal-
ity changed. Her chair was empty at supper.
Then as soon as I got adjusted to her mov-
ing out, my son graduated. More tears. More
worries. Less noise.
Thinking I had this under control, I was
shocked when the emotion welled up in me
when my youngest talked about the testing
required for college. As I’ve tried to prepare
myself for yet another senior year, which will
culminate in another emotional graduation,
I’ve been thankful for the ‘worms’ around
the house.
All right, not literal worms! But I am thank-
ful that the kids do return for food, a washing
machine, and unconditional love. Leaving
the nest is hard for the kids as well. It’s nice
to know that they feel loved at home, despite
what has happened in the cruel world. It’s
a blessing that they are comfortable coming
home for any reason at all!
However, I’ve watched moms go before me.
Some seem to make it through this season
and some just seem to have a come-apart!
Knowing I did not want to come apart at the
seams, I remember asking a dear friend one
day, “How will I know if I can handle being
an empty-nester?”
Her answer was filled with simple wisdom
and has stuck with me over the years, “Alene,
if your whole life is wrapped up in your chil-
dren you will come apart at the seams. How-
ever, if you are well grounded and have in-
terests outside of your children you’ll make
it just fine.”
I have hung on to those words. While I have
been very involved in each of my children’s
lives I’ve remembered to save time for hub-
by, as well as make time for other interests.
As I enter my last year with a high-schooler,
I’m banking on the wisdom in those words.
Not only do I want my children to fly, but I
want to soar in this new season of life.
Wings, Worries, and Worms will journal
my journey of learning to thrive in this new
season. If you have been an empty nester for
a while, I hope you’ll tune in and help en-
courage those of us who are struggling try-
ing to adjust to a much quieter nest. Howev-
er, if you are like me, fixing to embark upon
something you thought you were ready for
but you find doubts creeping in daily let’s
keep in contact online and encourage each
other as we adjust.
And for those of you who think this season
of life will NEVER get here, hopefully you’ll
learn through my adventures. If it weren’t
for wise women speaking into my life early
on, I’d probably really be falling apart. Se-
riously, I look forward to the year ahead
where I’ll cherish the special moments of
high school and adjust to the thought of my
last one using her wings to fly from the nest.
I am thankful for wings, worries, and worms.
Wings are the truths of God that my children
will use to soar beyond my wildest imagina-
tions with God’s help. Yes, I will worry along
the way! (I am a mother.) But knowing that
those very same worries will drive me ever
closer to the foot of the cross brings me com-
fort and a sense of anticipation. And there is
no better comfort to this mommy than when
my three chick-a-dee’s return home for un-
conditional nourishment, love, and worms.
What an amazing adventure this will surely
be in the months ahead.
I hope you’ll join me, as I know you will be
encouragement for my journey, but I sin-
cerely pray I will be encouragement, inspi-
ration, and refreshment to you as we make
this journey together.
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Will write for cupcakes.

Fun @ the Exemplify

Editor’s Blog.
 Written by Tara Guy

New & Improved…

or is it?
Has the Bible been changed?

image credit: iris nelson

 Do not add to His words or He
will reprove you,
and you will be proved a liar.
Proverbs 30:6
We have come to one of my favorite sections
of Apologetics regarding the Bible. Today
we’re going to explore whether or not the
Bible has been changed.
This is one of the most often-played argu-
ments against Scripture. And every critic
seems to know it and use it. Critics of other
faiths, critics of no faith (i.e. atheists) – both
eventually come around to laying this argu-
ment on the table. But does this argument
have any validity? Can we, as believers,
trust that our Bible hasn’t been changed to
fit someone’s agenda?
There are two main areas where critics ar-
gue the Bible has been changed. Some argue
that the New Testament has been changed
to “make” Jesus God. Others argue that the
Old Testament has been changed so that
everything in the New Testament fulfills
what was prophesied and proclaimed. Let’s
examine these two critiques.
Has the New Testament
been changed?
The theory that the New Testament has
been changed is argued mostly by atheists
and biblical critics. However, there are
some faiths that also argue the New Testa-
ment is a fabrication in order “contrive” a
religion.
We know from our previous sections the
dates of the earliest manuscripts of the
New Testament. Critics, regardless of what
they believe, can hardly argue with historic
discoveries, so they claim it was an event,
rather than a historical find, that “changed”
the New Testament. They claim the New
Testament was changed at the Council of
Nicaea.
The Council of Nicaea was, essentially, the
first Church council meeting. It was estab-
lished by the Emperor Constantine in 325
A.D., and the main point of the Council
was to discuss the divinity of Jesus. The
Council of Nicaea was not where the divin-
ity of Christ was first suggested; rather
the Church elders came together to firmly
establish exactly what stance the Church
would take on His divinity. As mentioned
in previous articles, pagan and Gnostic the-
ories about Christ spread as Christianity
spread through the Roman Empire, and the
doctrine of Christ’s divinity needed to be
settled within the Church in order to com-
bat these other theories.
Part of what prompted the Council was
teachings by Arias, a pastor who claimed
that because God “begat” Jesus, Jesus had
to have a beginning and was therefore a
lesser being than God the Father and sal-
vation through Him was insufficient. Arias
was brought before the Council to argue his
points. It was soon discovered that Arias
had twisted Scripture in order to prove his
theories (a technique man has continued to
use to this very day). The Council put it to
a vote, and out of the 300 plus elders pres-
ent, all but two voted against Arias and his
theories.
Arias was then excommunicated from the
Church for his heretical teachings, but was
pardoned by the Emperor close to the end
of his life (1).
While the Council of Nicaea was a critical
turning point in this history of the Church,
and the divinity of Jesus was debated, this
was not where His divinity originated. It
was also not where the Scriptures were
changed; rather, a strictest interpretation
of the Scriptures were taken in order to ac-
curately debate Arias and his claims.
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 But the logic of the critics is brilliant. Christ’s
divinity was debated at the Council, and critics
can twist this into “proving” their point by simply
omitting the premise on which His divinity was
debated, and then adding their own premise (that
the Church changed the Scriptures to prove Christ
is God and purport their own agenda). By combin-
ing a little truth with agenda-laced untruths, crit-
ics make a very convincing argument, and those
who don’t know or don’t care to know actual his-
tory can be susceptible to believing this critique.
The idea that New Testament Scripture has been
changed is being promoted more and more in me-
dia and popular culture. The most recent example
of this is the popular book (and subsequent movie)
The Da Vinci Code, where the author claims some
Gospels were included and others excluded to suit
the Church’s purpose. According to the author,
this occurred at the Council of Nicaea. However,
there is no historical evidence that the canon was
discussed at the Council – even among secular
historians – and that’s one fact the critics cannot
argue with.
But what about the claim that the Gos-
pel authors purposefully wrote their
gospels to promote an agenda and make
Christ who they wanted Him to be?
One must examine the Gospel authors and use
deductive reasoning to see if this is a plausible
argument. 1, is the author influential enough to
need a reason to lie; and 2, would the author have
anything to gain by lying? Matthew (a.k.a. Levi)
was a tax-collector, a man detested within society.
Mark (a.k.a. John Mark) was a close friend of Pe-
ter, and only a teenager during the time of Jesus’
ministry. Luke was Paul’s physician, and as a
physician, possibly the only one with any clout in
society. John was a fisherman. These men were
not scribes, religious leaders, or politicians. They
were, for lack of a better word, common.
However, the fact that they were common could
be a potential reason for them to lie. So one must
also look at what they gained from their beliefs
and subsequent writings.
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Both Matthew and Mark were eventually mar-
tyred. John died of natural causes but was exiled
to Patmos at the end of his life. Of the four Gospel
authors, Luke is the only one that escaped any
sort of punishment during his lifetime (2).
This same reasoning can be applied to Peter, Paul,
and James – influential because of their role with-
in the early church and also their writings. Pe-
ter, like John, was a fisherman. Paul, by his own
claims (see Philippians 3:3-7), was a Pharisee, a
Hebrew of Hebrews. Paul gave up his status to
follow Christ. James is historically reported to be
the brother of Jesus. All three men were executed
for their faith. Peter and James were martyred
– Peter by crucifixion, and possibly (according to
early Church father Origen) upside down. Paul
was beheaded, a lesser punishment than the oth-
er men courtesy of his Roman citizenship.
So why all these details about the lives of the New
Testament authors? Because an examination of
their lives shows that they had very little to gain
and everything to lose if they were purporting a
lie. Sure, perhaps they could have fabricated some
accounts of Jesus to bolster their own popularity,
but once the Church began enduring persecution
and they faced execution, doesn’t reasoning tell us
they should have recanted?
No, these men lived and died for their beliefs
because their beliefs were the truth. What did
the Gospel writers have to gain by lying? Would
James, a family member of Jesus and one who
would have grown up with Him and known Him
well, have died if the accounts of Jesus were not
true? Would Peter and Paul endured prison sen-
tences and execution for a lie? They would not,
and their lives are a testament to the commitment
and conviction of their beliefs, which, through
their writings, would ultimately become our be-
liefs, too.
Then what about the Old Testament?
Because if the Bible has been changed,
and it wasn’t the New Testament that
was changed, then it had to be the Old,
right?
Jews, as you probably know, are the original fa-
thers of our faith. They walked with Moses in the
desert. They lived under Saul, David, and Solo-
mon. They were persecuted, exiled, and reconciled
to God as a nation. They faced a huge decision
about 2000 years ago: is this man from Galilee re-
ally our intended Savior? Those that said yes to
the question were the founders of our faith. Those
who said no continued the race of God’s people still
searching for a Savior.
The nation of Israel is eagerly awaiting their Sav-
ior. Each day they spend time in synagogues and
prayer in homes to study Scripture and await God’s
promised Messiah. Unfortunately, they do not see
Jesus as anything more than a great prophet, cer-
tainly not the Messiah. Here is how they are the
biggest defender of our Old Testament.
The Jewish Bible, called the Tanakh, is the exact
same work as our Old Testament. We use the same
ancient manuscripts to get our Old Testament as
they use for the Tanakh. Therefore we can deduce
that there is no way our Old Testament has been
changed, because the Jews would not allow their
Tanakh to be changed to prove that Jesus is the
Messiah. They are still waiting on their Messi-
ah, and they are claiming the same prophecies we
claim for Jesus. for lack of a better word, common.
Some argue that since the Masoretic Text was
compiled over 1,000 years after the life of Christ,
it’s entirely possible it was changed over those
years to point to Jesus. However, this argument
falls flat with a simple observation of the fact that
the Tanakh is also derived from the Masoretic
Text, and, again, the Jews would not allow their
holy Scriptures to be changed to make Jesus the
Messiah.
All of our books in the Old Testament are in the
Tanakh, including those brimming over with Je-
sus prophecies, such as Isaiah. Plain and simple,
the Bible has not been changed. Too many reli-
gions are at stake. God’s Word is the same today
as it was yesterday and 2,000-3,000 years ago.
Footnotes:
1. Some information taken from Christian Apologetics Re-
source Ministry (www.carm.org)
2. Strobel, Lee. The Case for Christ. Pg. 22-23.
Coming up next month, we begin our own “Council
of Nicaea” as we study the divinity of Jesus. Who
did Jesus claim to be? Rather than study what oth-
ers have said about Him, we’re going straight to our
Lord’s words and see exactly what Jesus believed
about Himself. It’s an exciting study of our Savior,
and I hope and pray it will draw you closer to Him
as you revel in the beauty of His character and na-
ture. for lack of a better word, common.
I’d like to leave you with a few ques-
tions to ponder:
1. Which translation of the Bible do you
read? Do you agree or disagree with reading
more than one translation and why?
2. Has this study affected your faith in any
way? Do you feel stronger knowing the facts
of the Bible, or do you feel the same?
3. What is the biggest challenge you find to
sharing your faith with another person? What
are you most and least comfortable with?
4. Do you feel God leading you to minister to
a particular person or people group? How are
you going/will you go about pursuing this?
5. Has the knowledge you have gained from
this study made you more or less comfortable
with sharing your faith with others?
6. Is there anything you feel is holding you
back from boldly proclaiming your faith to
others?
7. What other areas of Christian beliefs and
doctrine do you feel is important to study in
order to be more prepared to share your faith?
Lord God, we thank you for providing such incred-
ible resources to allow us a glimpse into the past. You
certainly do not owe us anything and we accept Your
Word with no questions, but we are deeply grateful for
the remnants You have left us to prove Your glory to an
unbelieving world. Please continue to strengthen our
hearts and minds and our walks so that we may con-
stantly be prepared to share our amazing hope in You
with anyone who will listen. Thank you for giving us
the awesome calling of serving as a light for You. In
Jesus Name, Amen.
 Written by Tara Guy

Second Chance
My life is over. Ending.
I’ve been caught.
The chill of the morning air seeps through my
thin linen shift, and I find myself longing for
a warm robe, left carelessly behind in a swift
exodus of discovery.
Remembering the robe brings his face to
mind. How he just watched as they took me
away.
How moments before I was ensconced in
his arms, not feeling, knowing, or breath-
ing anything but him – only to have him sit
there and watch, cold and unfeeling, as they
dragged me away in my shame.
Our shame. It takes two. It always takes
two.
And yet I sit here, shivering in the chill –
hands bound, rags stuffed in my mouth, feet
chained – and I am alone.
My captor lounges in a chair, whittling a
gnarled stick with a small knife drawn from
his belt. He looks up at me and smiles. “A
pity. You are a beautiful thing.”
I try to retort but the gag silences my voice,
so I am left to only glare at him.
He chuckles and looks out across the hills in
the direction of the Mount of Olives. “Don’t
worry,” he said, returning to his knife and
wood. “It will all be over soon.”
As the sun creeps into the sky, temple work-
ers bring up stark-white stones and stack
them in the outer courtyard.
***
It was foolish of me. I knew it from the be-
ginning.
I was lonely. Hurt. My husband Amon, for
all his promises in the beginning, had all but
abandoned me.
Cursed me for my fruitless womb. Berated
me and stripped any pride of femininity from
me. I was worthless. A waste of a wife. A
waste of a life.
He took to staying away from the house. I
know he visited other women. I know the
pressure he was under. I know he needed
a child, if for nothing more than to boost his
own image among his fellow man.
I couldn’t fathom why Amon had given up on
me. Sure, we’d spent five years waiting for
a child. But I was nowhere near being out of
my fruitful years.
At first I cried and screamed and beat my
fists against the walls and his chest, till a
well-aimed slap silenced my wailing and
stilled my arms.
I discovered I couldn’t allow myself to care
anymore. To care, to hope – that only
brought more pain.
So I closed Amon off. And in doing so, I
closed myself off.
Until he came into the picture.
Adonikam. Beautiful, kind, strong Adonikam.
I first met him at the market. He stood un-
der the shaded stall, selling the fruits of his
labor in the soil. Unlike the other vendors,
he didn’t screech and accost. He sat back,
surveying the crowds with his dark eyes, and
treating each customer as though they were
his only care in the world.
I picked up some grapes, inhaling their heady
scent. The fruit was firm beneath my fingers.
He reached across the wooden crates and
plucked a plump orb from the stem. “Try
one,” he said softly. “They are the best
grapes you’ve ever tried.”
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I took the fruit from him and slipped it into
my mouth. My cheeks stung as the sweet
juice burst forth from the soft pulp and taut
skin. I caught myself wanting more. “That
is the best grape I’ve ever tasted.”
I spent all my market money on grapes that
day. I worried what my husband would say,
wanting to know why I had been wasteful.
But he never came home that evening.
I sat on our steps, a pile of sweet grapes in
my lap, watching the sunset and trying to
fight off the image of the gentle vendor that
popped into my mind with each bite.
***
Heavy footsteps fall on the tiled floor, their
racket rousing me from my memories, caus-
ing anxiety to flush into my heart.
The guard drops his stick, now shorter than
his thumb and thin as a sewing needle, and
stands at attention.
A temple leader strides into the room, wiping
his hands on his long tunic. “It’s time. He’s
here.” His eyes fall on me, and a malicious
grin sweeps over his lips. “Bring the con-
demned.”
The guard nods curtly and comes to me,
grasping my shoulder painfully and pulling
me to my feet. He steers me out into the
courtyard.
The sun has risen now, and the stacked white
stones shine brighter than ever in its rays.
***
I would go back to the market every day af-
ter that first encounter. Adonikam always
had choice fruit and vegetables, and he gave
me delicious samples of all his wares. He
would talk as a friend to me, telling me about
the toil of working the soil, and ask questions
about my own life.
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Pressing too deep, perhaps, but I was in no
state of mind to fight his questions off. For
the first time since my betrothal, I was en-
joying the positive attention of a young, vir-
ile man. Our talks grew longer, our laughter
louder and deeper. I would help him pack
away his wares at the end of the day. Some-
times our shoulders would brush during the
work, and I would find myself surprised by
the bumps rising on my arms.
I spent every penny to my name at his mar-
ket stand. Amon was rarely ever home, and
I had no trouble sustaining on fruits, veg-
etables, and dreams.
One day, after a particularly unpleasant
evening with my husband, I found myself
seated beside Adonikam behind his cart. As
he worked with the trickle of customers, I
poured out my sorrows. I gave him every
sordid detail of my life, and it felt good. I
knew deep in my soul it was wrong, but the
effect of confession was like the lancing of a
boil – I had to get the poison out of me.
His head jerked toward me, and his hand
reached up to touch the tender red spot on
my cheek as I told him about the most re-
cent assault. His hand was warm, and he
sent ripples of shock through my body with a
single touch. “He’s a beast to do this to you,”
he said softly. He let his hand fall, his thumb
brushing gently against my lip. “You deserve
better. You deserve real love.” His thumb
rested for the tiniest second on my lip, then
his hand dropped slowly to his side. His eyes
searched mine, hungry and questioning.
My stomach quivered, my heart lurched in
hope. I knew at that moment I would do
whatever it took to be with Adonikam.
Even if it meant breaking the Law.
***
My mouth aches from the rags they have
jammed into my throat and between my
teeth. My tongue feels like the thick fleece
shorn from a sheep’s back. My eyes dart ner-
vously around, surveying the courtyard, try-
ing to look anywhere but at the pile of stones
stacked so neatly at the edge of the gate.
A small crowd has gathered in a corner by
the seating benches – stragglers, no doubt,
leftover from the feasts. Some sit, others
squat, some stand, and some even kneel. All
seem to be listening to one man seated on
one of the stone benches.
“This way,” the temple leader snaps, and the
guard jerks me in the direction of the crowd.
They march me over to the crowd. I catch
snippets of the teaching – something on the
proper way to pray. I feel a stab of guilt for
interrupting such a serene party. Especially
under such sordid circumstances.
A handful of other temple leaders join our
group – priests, Pharisees, and teachers of
the Law. So this is what a trial is like.
“Master.” The temple leader who called me
from the chamber steps forward. There is
no respect in the name; rather, it drips of
sarcasm and disdain. This haughty man rec-
ognizes no master, and he mocks the teacher
openly.
The teacher stops preaching and looks up, a
sheen of irritation in His eyes. Heads swivel
around to us as His listeners turn to discover
the interruption.
The temple leader grabs a handful of my hair
and yanks me forward until I stand right be-
fore the seated teacher. Tears of pain and
humiliation sting my eyes. I close them
tightly, unable to stand the many pairs of cu-
rious eyes surveying me.
“This woman,” the temple leader announces
loudly, loud enough for all the people in the
temple court to hear, “was caught in act of
adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us
to stone her. Now what do You say?”
At his words, my heart freezes within my
chest. All around me I hear gasps and whis-
pered chatter, and my cheeks burn with
shame.
This is it. My death approaches, and I am
powerless to do anything to stop it.
***
The door swung open and Adonikam’s face lit
up. “You came!” He stepped aside. “Come
in, come in. I have so much to show you!”
I stepped over the threshold, my niggling
conscience protesting softly in the back of
my mind.
Adonikam had long since stopped charging
me for fruits and vegetables. Every day I
would go to the market, help him set up his
cart, and help customers all day. Each eve-
ning I went home with a sack full of produce
and a heart heavy with infatuation.
He grasped my hand, so familiar and com-
fortable now, and led me out behind his
one-room home. He gestured proudly to
the ebony soil with the vibrant green shoots
sprouting up from the earth. “This just might
be my best harvest yet.” He beamed.
I smiled and winced, feeling my cheek sting.
He turned my face to see a purple bruise
blossoming under my eye. “Amon decided
to come home last night, and I didn’t have
dinner ready.” I shrugged my shoulders, de-
feated.
Adonikam cupped my face. “He is a devil.”
He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to
my bruised cheek. He stood so close, and
I inhaled his beautiful scent of earth and
sweat. My arms involuntarily went around
his waist. His fingers slipped from my face
into my hair, and the back of my neck tickled
as he loosened the pins and drew his fingers
through my curls.
His eyes met mine, and I saw my ache and
longing echoed in his own. He lowered his
mouth and kissed me. Hungrily, passionate-
ly, like a starving man set before a sumptu-
ous feast.
My last shred of conscience cried out, vio-
lated, even as I melted into him. “No,” I
rasped, pushing myself away even though I
wanted nothing more than to be possessed
by him again. “We can’t. I’m married. We’ll
get caught.” I swallowed, trying to erase the
memory of his eyes, the taste of his kiss.
“They’ll kill us.”
He grinned, the same fabulous, lopsided grin
that always swept me away from reality and
morality. “Look around you. We are miles
from the nearest person. Who is going to
catch us?” He came to me, kissing me again
as his fingers raked through my hair. “Be-
sides, I don’t care,” he said huskily. “I love
you, and I don’t care. But you needn’t wor-
ry. I’m good at keeping secrets.” He kissed
me again, as though to drive his point home.
“No one is ever going to know.”
Seduced by his logic and his love, I relented
and turned myself over into his arms, not
even stopping to think that, as providence
would have it, someone knew already.
***
The teacher gets to His feet, and I real-
ize who He is. He is well-known, for He is
a healer and a miracle worker. Some even
declare Him as God.
His name is Jesus, and His eyes search me as
though he knows my innermost thoughts.
Fury rises within me at the temple leaders.
Why did they have to bring me here? Why
make me stand in front of this pious, conse-
crated man? Just to further humiliate me?
Why not take me out and execute me and
be done with it?
Bitterness grows out of my anger, and I find
myself thinking about Adonikam, hating
him. Where is he? Why is he not standing
here beside me, bound and gagged, endur-
ing the scorn and shame? Why is it only
me?
My eyes shift back to the stones, and a chill
breaks out down my arms. They are so
perfectly round and smooth. So clean, only
to be stained with blood and flesh.
And then it hits me. Now I am no scholar,
but words of the Law come back to me as
I stare at the towering pile of stones. The
Law only requires virgins to be stoned, not
married women. Married women only had
to be put to death – and their lover with
them. So why the pretension with the
stones? And why not drag Adonikam with
me?
In their effort to so piously uphold the Law,
the leaders seem to be disregarding quite a
few points of it.
 This was not our first time, though it was the
I struggle against my gag, wanting to ask
most passionate, as we have grown more
about the exact wording of the Law, but no
and more comfortable with each other and
noise escapes my lips. I look back to Jesus,
less and less concerned about discovery. We
my eyes pleading and begging for His inter-
lay together on his floor under a thick woven
vention. Surely a man of His position knows
blanket, the stars twinkling outside his open
the Law and will help me.
window.
Jesus studies the temple leader carefully for
I had stopped coming home in the evenings
a minute. The man smirks back, one eye-
too. I could not remember the last time I’d
brow cocked in confident arrogance. It is
seen my husband. I would steal away to
clear from his tone the temple leader did not
Adonikam’s every chance I got.
ask to gain further knowledge. He asked
with the smugness of one defiantly needing
“What are you thinking about?” he asked,
to prove they are correct.
kissing my bare shoulder.
At this, Jesus breaks his gaze and stoops to
I rolled over to face him. “How perfect this
crouch on the ground. He begins to write in
is. How much I love you.” I tweaked his
the dust. My captor holds tightly to me, so
nose with my fingers. “How I’ve never been
I cannot lean over to read His words. I feel
happier.”
relief flooding my bones. He must be writ-
ing out the Law, so they realize what they
Outside a twig snapped nearby, the sound
are doing. The Pharisees all lean around Him,
carrying in through the open window. Adoni-
reading the tracings of His finger. I wish I
kam sat up, brow furrowed. “Did you hear
could see the words, but as if reading my
that?”
mind, my captor jerks me back slightly.
I laughed. “It was probably an animal. Lie
But somehow… I know. I know He’s going
back down!” I grasped at his bare back and
to do what’s right. Funny how much relief I
pulled him down, to me. Hungry, I covered
find, even though I know I will still be con-
his face with my kisses.
demned to death.
We gave in again to our passion. So con-
It is just nice to have someone on my side.
sumed were we with each other neither one
Jesus stops writing and stands quickly. A
of us heard the rustling out the window.
large crowd has gathered around us, every
But we heard when the front door was bro-
person coming into the Temple courts want-
ken down.
ing to know what is going on.
I cried out as five men burst into the room,
Then He begins to speak.
swords drawn and lamps swinging. “You!”
the shorter one in the front snapped, point-
***
ing a finger directly at me.
I laid beside him in the dark, spent from
One of the men came forward, grabbed
passion and satiated with love. He stroked
Adonikam by the shoulders and tossed him
my hair softly and whispered to me, words
to the floor, leaving me exposed and morti-
my heart ached for. Like some sort of drug,
fied. I grasped for a blanket to cover my-
I took my fill and was left always wanting
self, my pulse racing. “You harlot!” the short
more.
man spat. “Get her something to wear!” he
barked.

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 I grabbed blindly for the linen under-
dress that had been cast aside. Yanking it
over my head, I cried out in pain as I was
dragged roughly to my feet. The short man
stepped over and looked me in the eyes.
“You’re coming with us. Say goodbye to
your lover.” He spun on his heel.
“NO!” I cried out, turning for Adonikam. I
reached out, trying to grab some part of
him, wanting him to stop them as they
moved towards the door. “Please! Don’t let
them take me!”
But when I looked in his eyes, I saw noth-
ing. No fire, no love, no longing, no fear.
He sat and watched as they carried me
away, a blanket puddled around his lap –
the last fleeting reminder of a fool’s infatua-
tion.
***
A hush settles over the crowd. They all
wait eagerly to hear what He is going to
say. The Pharisees stand clumped together,
watching Him with beady, suspicious eyes.
“If any of you is without sin, let him be
the first to throw a stone at her.” He looks
around for a moment, then crouches again,
and continues writing in the dirt.
What?!?!? My brain races. What in the world is
He doing? He’s giving them permission to stone me?
But what about the Law?!?
The crowd begins to mutter again. The
tight-knit group of Pharisees and Law teach-
ers turn into themselves, whispering vio-
lently. The crowd, which moments ago had
seemed to swell with judgment, now ebbs
like the vanishing tide.
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I watch as a few elderly men nod to each
other and separate from the crowd, head-
ing out of the Temple courtyard. More fol-
low, most of them aged, though a handful
of young men go out as well. Slowly more
and more people trickle away, until the only
people left are a man with his face covered
by a head wrap and the group of Pharisees.
I stare at the man in the head wrap, sens-
ing something familiar about him. His
fists make balls at his sides, his knuckles
as white as the abandoned stone pile. He
stares back at me for a very long time, and
I suddenly feel conscious again of my thin
wrap. He shakes his head sadly, shoulders
shaking, and departs from the Temple court.
The Pharisees alone remain. One stud-
ies Jesus critically, his brow furrowed in
thought. Sighing heavily, he turns and
walks out of the Temple courts. One other
grabs his sleeve to stop him, but he shakes
the man off and keeps walking. Slowly, re-
signed, they one by one leave the courts.
The silence is deafening. I cannot look Je-
sus in the eyes. I have no idea what exact-
ly just happened, and I am almost scared to
move forward.
Gently, He reaches over and pulls the strips
of rags from my mouth. Saliva flushes over
my tongue and I work my cheeks, trying to
restore moisture to my mouth.
“Woman,” He says, gently but firmly, “where
are they? Has no one condemned you?”
I look around at the empty courtyard.
Shaking my head in awe, I rasp, “No one,
sir.”
“Then neither do I condemn you,” He de-
clares, His voice radiating with authority.
“Go now, and leave your life of sin.”
I nod, and, clutching my thin wrap closer
around my body, hurry out of the courtyard
and down the steps.

***
I still can’t believe I’m walking, thinking,
breathing. I cannot believe I am more than
just a pile of bones beneath the crushing
weight of stones.
As I make my way through the streets, head-
ing to a familiar place, thankful I know the
steps and don’t have to focus on them. My
mind whirs in a blur as I try to piece together
what has just happened to me.
By all accounts, I should be dead. And yet,
He stepped in and saved me.
I should be elated. I should be overjoyed.
But something still isn’t setting right in the
back of my mind.
At first I had wanted Him to quote the Law.
To set the hypocritical leaders in their place.
Even if it still meant death for me, I wanted
them humiliated.
But He didn’t. And in His odd discourse, I
wanted justification. I wanted Him to explain
that what I had done wasn’t really that aw-
ful, that the Law had loopholes for women
emotionally and physically abused by their
unfaithful husbands.
But He didn’t do that either.
He didn’t stone me. But He didn’t justify my
actions either.
The punishment still stands. He just pardoned
me.
The magnitude of the morning’s events hits
me like a tidal wave, and I sink to my knees
in the street.
I’ve been given a second chance.
Because of Him. He who came not to abolish
the Law, but to fulfill it.
He orchestrated my pardon. My second chance.
I remember His words clearly – they will be
etched in my brain forever. “Then neither
do I condemn you either. Go now and leave
your life of sin.”
I stagger to my feet, tears pouring down my
face. I know what I have to do.
***
The door to my home is open, and I enter
cautiously. I wonder, has Amon completely
abandoned our home, our life?
No less than I have done.
I hear noises in the corner and turn. Amon
sits slumped against the wall, his hair mussed,
a clay cup of wine in his hand and several
empty wineskins on the floor. A cloth lies
discarded near his feet. I study the cloth,
feeling a strange sense of recognition. Then
my eyes move to Amon.I stand before him,
ashamed I am still wearing the very robe I
wore as I left my lover. Amon’s swollen red
eyes study me. I cannot tell if they are red
from drink or from tears.
A heaviness settles over me, and I realize
that in his brutality Amon could finish what
Jesus prevented the Pharisees from starting.
My voice catches in my throat.
A voice speaks to me, sweetly, to my very
spirit. “From those who have been given much, much
will be required.”
I have received the pardon. Now I must ask for
His own unfaithfulness with other women,
the forgiveness.
trying to make a child to restore him to
masculine dignity. How long he knew of my
“Amon,” I whisper, my voice cracking with
affair with Adonikam. How he knew I sat
emotion. “Amon, I have something I need
with him day by day at the market. How he
to confess to you.” I lowered my eyes in
writhed in jealousy over my defection. How
shame and held out my palms. “I have
he alerted the authorities and religious lead-
sinned greatly against you and against
ers to my sin, to have me and lover put to
God. I have been unfaithful to you, Amon,
death and so end his misery.
both in heart and in body. I have resented
you, held grudges against you, and gave to
“And today–” His voice breaks as a a vio-
another man what should have only been
lent sob overtakes him. “Today, I went to
yours. I did all this because I believed the
the Temple. I helped carry in the stones. I
horrible lie that I deserved something bet-
picked out which one I was going to throw.
ter than you. I have no excuse for my de-
I wanted you punished for what you did.
spicable behavior.” I swallowed thickly, my
My rage against you consumed me. And
throat throbbing in pain. “I can only ask
then I heard Him speak.” He shakes some
that you forgive me.”
tears off his face and slicks back his sweat-
dampened hair. “And I realized as I stood
I kept my eyes down, waiting for his explo-
there, ready to kill you, I deserved the
sion. Waiting for his retribution. Waiting
same thing. I stood for a long time, trying
for… anything.
to reason why I deserved to stand and you
deserved to be punished. No reason came.
Instead, I hear a soft sobbing. I raise my
So I left. And I realized I’m just as con-
eyes to see Amon cupping his face, fat tears
demned as you are.” He lifts his hands to
seeping between his thick fingers.
His face again as the sobs renew.
And suddenly I know why I recognize the
I grasp his wrists, hope blossoming in my
cloth on the floor. Because it was tied around his
chest. “No, Amon, no, you’re not!” Words
head in the Temple courtyard.
begin to spill out of me. I tell him of my
final conversation with Jesus, how He par-
“Amon?” I venture, dropping to my knees in
doned me. Gave me a second chance.
front of him.
“Amon, do we deserve death for the sins
we’ve committed? Yes, a million times
He lunges forward, not to strike, but to em-
over!”
brace, and sobs against my shoulder. “I
forgive you,” he chokes, his nose dribbling
He raises his eyes to mine, and I see the
against my shoulder. “Oh, God, I forgive
flickering flame of hope in their depths.
you. Now I must ask you to forgive me.”
“But Jesus, for whatever reason, chose to-
He sits back against the wall and spills his
day to show us there’s something greater
secrets. How he hated me because I didn’t
than punishment.” I clutch my hand to my
produce a child, how the men who worked
heart, thumping wildly beneath my breast.
with him in the stone quarry harassed him
“He’s shown us grace.”
mercilessly.
Amon smiles for the first time, and I see
glimpses of the young man I fell in love with
and married. “Grace,” he repeats. He shifts
to his knees, facing me and clutching my
hands. “I’ve sinned greatly against you, too
– and God. Do you forgive me?” His eyes
seek reassurance.

Love spills into my heart for this man, and it’s

as though the last several years have never
happened. “I forgive you.” I entwine my fin-
gers with his. “Second chance?”

He smiles and draws me into a hug. I know

our recovery is going to be a long, arduous
process. But the seeds of redemption have
been planted. “Second chance,” he whispers,
kissing the top of my head.

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