By:

The Righteous Notes

http://inkofours.blogspot.com/
 DAY 4 : FAITH

“You couldn’t. And you don’t.”

My heart skipped a beat.

The door straight down the hallway suddenly swung open. The surgery had finally ended.
I jumped off my seat and ran towards the operating room.

A doctor appeared, followed by two nurses who were fussing over Jake. I couldn’t see his
face. He was lying on the gurney, wearing an oxygen mask, with tubes everywhere.

The doctor said, “They are taking him to the post-anaesthesia care unit.”

I watched them wheeled him past.

“His oesophagus was perforated. The rupture was about 3.6 cm, but we had repaired it.
Honestly, we are baffled. No indication of blunt trauma; nor is there iatrogenic trauma.
The best guess is he suffered from Boerhaave Syndrome, but even that occurs mostly in
middle-aged group and — ”
Yada yada yada. Whatever.

I cut him off. “Will he survive?”

“Well, if no post-op complications, he will. If you had brought him here later, his survival
rate would have reduced by half.” He continued before walking away, “Not to worry, we
will keep him under strict observation.”

Thank God he is fine.

I felt a gentle touch on my upper arm. Eddie was standing next to me. “There’s really
nothing that you can do, Derek. It’s just a matter of time.” She said softly.

I pushed her hand away. “No. There must be a way to keep him safe.”

She sighed. “Stop deluding yourself. Even though he managed to avoid death now, there
will always be another time. You will see another vision of him dying and it goes on and
on until he really dies.”

“Fucking no.”

Her voice rose slightly. “Will you just accept the reality? Haven’t you seen what it could
do to Jake? Oesophagus laceration on someone perfectly healthy! What next, brain
aneurysm? You can’t stop that from happening! He will and must die.”

I grabbed her throat and hissed, “Don’t you ever, ever, fucking talk like that about Jake.
He will not die. And I won’t let him die.”

Her face reddened. She was struggling for breath. I let go of my grip and swivelled
around.

“I’m not gonna be a coward and give in to fate. Just like how you did. How you let Tanya
die.”

She didn’t reply.

We stood there in silence. I was about to walk away when she suddenly spoke.

Her voice was shaking slightly. “You think I let her die just like that? You really think so?”

Her voice grew nearer. I turned to face her. She was taking small steps towards me and
stopped just few inches away. I could see her beautiful green eyes sparkled with tears.

“I did everything that I could to stop her from dying. Everything. You don’t know what I
went through, Derek. I was only nine. And I saw visions of her dying in six different ways.
Six. You had only seen one.”

She looked away and struggled to contain her tears.

“Why— why six?” I said in a small voice. My throat felt dry.

“Tanya was supposed to die from snake bites according to the first vision. I was so
scared. I had no idea what the hell was going on. But I knew that I must stop her from
nearing the wildlife.”

She paused for a while before continuing, “And so I pretended to fall sick. She took few
days’ leave to take care of me. Later, I found out that one of her friends who covered for
her was bitten by a poisonous snake. He didn’t survive.”
“The second time, I saw her drowned. This time I knew what to do. I did anything that I
could to prevent her from nearing the water. Again, the boat she was supposed to board
capsized. A kid from my neighbourhood died.”

I wanted to say something. But I couldn’t.

She took a deep breath. “I lived in fear every single day. I didn’t want to lose her. I loved
her too much. But the hunt continued; it wouldn’t stop until it managed to take her away
from me.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away immediately.

She looked at me. Her face was blank again. With a nonchalant voice, she said, “I didn’t
have the luxury like you do now, Derek. You had people telling you about shamans— I
didn’t. I had to figure out everything all by myself.”

She took a step forward. “Take it from me. I’ve been through this. The faster he die, the
better it is. For him. For you. And for everybody else around you.”

I felt a lump rising in my throat.

“Somebody will have to die in his place. Who and how, I don’t know.” She moved even
closer and whispered in my ear, “Definitely someone around you.”

I couldn’t feel myself anymore.

She pulled herself away from me. As if nothing had happened, she said, “I’ll come back
again later.”

And she walked off.

Too many things were swirling around my mind. First, why the hell the adjustment
process involved the elimination of the loved ones? second, if that's the plan, why the
fuck granted me a vision? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't freaking know, so I wouldn't try
to stop it? Third, if this was the requirement, why didn't all those shamans-to-be stop the
adjustment process and be an ordinary person? I meant, to bear losing someone
important in order to be a sicko inhumane creature? Really?

Why?

Why?

I had to fill in some forms in the receptionist before I got to visit Jake. He had been
transferred to the surgical ward. A brief visit, the doctor in charge had said. Jake needed
sleep. However, I had nothing in my mind right now but to stick with Jake all the time if
possible. I needed to keep him alive. Literally.

I took out the pen under my coat and just realised, it was the freaking shaman pen. And
it was burning my fingertips.

Holy shit, it was burning full force. Out of reflects I threw the pen away and it fell down to
the floor. Hard. It even bounced a little.

Something twisted inside me. Something stronger than nausea, overwhelmed me so bad,
I threw up. Just like that. It did not end there, though. My head started to pound
powerfully and my whole body's temperature seemed to rise unnaturally.
My nose started to bleed.

What's happening?

A nurse approached me and I could see she was panickly calling for assistance. I closed
my eyes, and then I realised I could not hear any sound. Everything was silenced by a
pair of invisible hands, pressing up close and tight on my both ears. I could not freaking
hear.

My mouth was suddenly clamped shut. Forced to be. Something, something was trying to
shut me off.

The next thing I realised was, my nose stopped taking in air. My lungs started to burn
from the lack of oxygen. My skin grew cold. The nurse was trying to tell me something.
Some other staffs tried to move me away. A janitor came over too to clean up my mess.

Nobody seemed to notice I was this close to dying. My eyes would be ripped out next. I
was sure of it.

Shit.

I'm not gonna die. Jake needed me.

Wait, maybe if I died then Jake would not have to die? No more sacrifices.

Right?

"DEREK!" The foreign voice pierced through my ear-drum.

And my lungs worked again.

I sucked in air like nobody's business. My ears rang loudly from the absence of silence.
My bones seemed to pick up strength. So I tried stood up, and shook away my dizziness.
Who called me? I struggled a little to stand straight on my both feel, which had grown
numb earlier.

I slowly turned around.

Gabe was looking tensed and seriously different.

I did not know how different, he just looked, unfamiliar. He still had messy hair that stuck
out all direction, creepy blue eyes that stared all the time, and crumpled washed out
jeans and T-shirt as outfit.

But something felt not right.

Wait.

Gabe actually talked?

"Did you, did you just call me?" I produced a rather unmanly squeak.

"Yeah!" He growled, then stomped angrily towards me. He grabbed my collar and
slammed me onto the nearest wall and hissed, "Don't you even dare, ever again, think of
giving up."
Well, this was scary. Too many weird things happening within days, my brain and senses
had refused to process the information and hence, the output I could manage the best is
to stare.

Gabe let me go and I slided down till I sat down fully on the floor. He then went on
shooing the nurses away. The next time he kneeled down and faced me, he slipped the
pen back under my coat.

"Take good of it, Derek. You might really die next time. " He said. I looked at him blankly.

What the hell was happening? I had too many questions right now I did not even know
which ones I truly wanted the answers for.

"How could you, I thought you didn't talk? And what're you doin' here?" I asked Gabe. He
pulled me up and pat my back hard.

"Later, we gotta see Jake now." He said.

He put his arm around me and walked me to Jake’s room. My head was filled with
burning questions.

We had to wear a cover gown and wash our hands before going into the ward. My heart
clenched when I saw a vulnerable Jake lying on the bed. All because of me; because I was
moronic enough to pick up that pen.

I clasped his hand. Tight. You’ve got to pull this through, Jake.

“He will be fine for now. At least until you get your next vision,” said Gabe.

I shook my head incredulously. God, why does everybody seem to know everything,
except for me?

He put a hand on Jake’s forehead and muttered under his breath. I couldn’t catch a word.
They sounded like a.. chant. When he was done, something glowed underneath his palm.
Jake, who remained unconscious, winced in pain and gasped for breath. His heartbeat
shown on the monitor was jumping wildly. I held out a hand to interfere, but then, his
breathing eased. Everything went back to normal.

Gabe closed his eyes. He seemed exhausted. After a while, he said, “That’s all I can do.
Not enough to heal him completely, but he will make a speedy recovery.”

I released a breath that I didn’t realise I was holding. “Are you – Are you a shaman too?” I
asked him.

He nodded.

I let go of Jake’s hand and stepped closer to Gabe. I could feel my temper rising. “Then
you should have known this coming. You knew Jake was gonna die. Why didn’t you stop
it?” My voice was shaking from anger.

He was unperturbed. In a low voice, he said, “Because there is no way to stop it from
happening.”

I almost spat at him. “You are just like that son of a bitch.”
Gabe kept quiet. I glared at him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill Eddie. I wanted to
kill every single shaman.

“Killing us out of rage will not keep Jake alive, Derek.”

My jaw dropped. “But how— ?”

He stared at me and continued calmly, “’Cause I can read your mind.”

I was at loss for words. Heck, if he could really read into my mind, I wouldn’t even need
to talk to him in the first place.

A matronly-looking nurse entered the room. “Your 5 minutes is up.”

I snapped out from my shocked state and mumbled ‘Okay’. I took a last glance at Jake
and whispered into his ear. Stay alive.

We got out from the ward without speaking. I knew Gabe was looking at me, but I
couldn’t meet his gaze. It was all too much.

He broke the silence. “Time is running out, Derek. Snap out of it. Think of who might be
in danger now.”

Right. It had totally slipped my mind. Damn.

I felt adrenaline pumping. Who? When? How? Where do I start? I took out my cell phone
and started fumbling with the keys. I had better check on my family.

Nobody picked up the house phone, so I called Felicia, my elder stepsister. She was
married to a pilot and lived just less than a block away from my parents. I assumed they
stayed overnight to take care of her and my newly-born nephew, since my brother-in-law
spent most of his time flying.

Oh, come on, pick up the phone. I clicked my tongue impatiently. I wasn’t paying
attention to my surrounding and bumped my kneecap on a bench. It sent an electric jolt.

“Fuck!” I swore loudly.

Two medical trainees standing nearby turned to look at me. They were frowning
disapprovingly.

“What are you looking, huh? Can’t I even swear when my buddy is dying soon from some
fucking sha— ”

“Hey, hey. Easy there, dude.” Gabe grabbed my arms and pulled me away. I could see
him mouthing ‘Sorry, he is drunk’ to the trainees out of the corner of my eyes.

We reached the elevator and waited. He didn’t say a thing. I continued to try calling Feli.
When the elevator came, he pushed me inside, closed the door and hissed, “Just what
the hell were you thinking of, dude? You want attention? You want everybody to know
about shamans?”

I cut off the call and hissed back. “What was I thinking of? You should ask yourself. Aren’t
you a psychic, a mighty mind-reader shaman?”

He huffed in annoyance. “Oh, what now, you’re pissed ‘cause I can read minds and you
don’t?”
I had had enough. “I’m pissed ‘cause you intrude into my mind. I’m pissed ‘cause you
and Eddie left Jake to die. I’m pissed ‘cause you lied.” I moved a step closer to Gabe for
every sentence I said. He didn’t flinch.

“And I’m pissed ‘cause I started all this.” I punched into the wall behind him.

The door opened. We had reach the ground floor. I stormed out of the elevator and
headed to my car. It’s still dark outside.

Gabe tried to catch up with me. “Look, Derek. I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t know you would
activate the magic.”

“Yeah, right. You should have known it when I gave you the damned pen. Aren’t you
shamans good in feeling the magic?”

“No— Yes, I could feel the pen. But I wasn’t sure if it was transferred to you, until the day
before. When I looked you guys up from the Coles, remember?”

Ah. The day after I had my first nightmare.

He added, sounding slightly breathless, “Besides, reading minds ain’t as simple as you
think to be. I need to look you in the eyes. Like now, I don’t know what the hell you’re
thinking of.”

I halted abruptly. “You wanna know what the hell I’m thinking of?” I turned around. “No
need to use your freaking superpower. I’ll tell you.”

“You had better come with me; spill out everything that you know about shamans and
how to save Jake. Leave nothing out.” I strode back to my car.

“And no more lies.”

***

I still couldn’t get reach Feli. Or my parents. So there I was; ten past four in the morning
and well on my way to San Fransisco to look for them.

Gabe was sitting next to me. He was yawning non-stop, but I wouldn’t let him sleep. Not
before he tells me everything.

“Why did you feign mute and lied to everyone?” I asked him.

He yawned again. “Dude, for the umpteenth time tonight, I’m sorry I lied, okay? I had to.
I need to know who’s who. The shamans, which clan, what magic.”

I was still not satisfied by his answer. “You’re not answering my question.”

“Because dude, pure shamans like me are precious gems. Even more precious than
orang-utans. I can do many kind of magic, which is rarely found on half-shamans like
you. Or Eddie.”

I frowned. “You knew she was a shaman?”

He hove a sigh. “Yeah, I do. From the first day she moved in to the neighbourhood. She
was only what, 8, 9? I knew she could fly. And change her appearances.”

“What? You mean, like, a Metamorph? How did you know that?” I almost choked.
“Uh-huh. But she can only change her facial features, not whole body. How, obviously I
saw it change before. Only once, though. When they dropped her here. She walked past
by when I took the trash out. Her eyes were brown. Next day I saw her, they turned
green.” He chuckled. “Smart girl, she is. Changed it so she can pretend to be Tanya’s
biological daughter.”

Crap. “How could you know about Tanya?” I casted him a suspicious look through the
mirror. “You read into their minds?”

He smiled. “Well, not really. I read into Eddie’s.”

“No wonder. Isn’t that handy, just swim into someone’s head and fish for info.” I said
sarcastically.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Dude. I’ve told you before, it ain’t simple as you think. I can only
read into someone’s mind without being noticed if that person is off-guard. And Eddie
was. She didn’t know that I was a shaman, too. Like when I saw you few days back. And
you called me a freak.”

Which you are, I added. In my mind, of course. He couldn’t read it since I was focusing on
my driving.

“Anyway, if I try to go into your mind now, you will feel it, ‘cause you know. Most
shamans know. I bet Eddie does now.”

Red light. I turned to face Gabe. “What about this pure and non-pure shamans thing?
What’s the difference?”

“You see,” he said, “People who are born shamans usually have more powerful magic
than those transferred to non-shamans. We can do more things, too. Each individual
differs. I’m sure you’ve found out about the rebirth process. If you’re lucky, you will get
most of the magic out of the object. Mostly are like Eddie, though, only a fraction of it
that got recreated.”

My hand automatically reached for the pen. “What’s so lucky with owning this freaking
magic?” I swerved the car to the left and added bitterly, “What’s so lucky with losing
your loved one for this freaking magic? I don’t need any magic.”

Gabe put a hand on my shoulder. He said softly, “I know you feel guilty about Jake,
Derek. But I really don’t know how to stop it from happening.”

I shrugged him off. “How would you know? You didn’t even have to lose anyone because
of some stupid magical object.”

He took his hand off and leaned back against his seat.

“Sorry.”

He didn’t say a thing. His face looked rather forlorn.

“Derek,” he suddenly said. “I caused my wife and child to die.”

I was stunned. I stopped the car and stared at him speechlessly.

He continued quietly. “After the war ended, I moved to New York. I took part-time jobs
and studied as a vet. That’s how I knew Jane. We graduated and got married. Everything
went well.”

“I had totally forgotten about the object or shamans. I just wanted to be normal. Until
one day. Jane came home happily and shared a bizarre story. She said that she went
shopping with her friends and spotted this bracelet, but the shop assistant insisted it
wasn’t theirs. So in the end she took it home.” He paused for a while before adding,
“That night she got a nightmare about shamans.”

I held my breath.

“I felt the magic; I knew what was going to happen. But there was nothing I could do. I
did research, seek for help from fellow shamans that I met.. It was too late. It’s time for a
sacrifice. I was supposed to die in a car crash. But I healed myself. It took my child
instead. Jane had a miscarriage.”

He buried his face in his hands. “I told her the truth. That I’m a shaman, and she was
becoming one. That she lost the baby ‘cause of it. She couldn’t accept it and hanged
herself.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I shouldn’t have told her. I shouldn’t even have healed myself. If I had died there and
then, they would be alive now.”

I gripped his shoulder gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it was. I was a freaking selfish guy. I let them die.”

We sat there in silence. I rubbed my temples. My brain was going to explode. It’s really
too much for me to digest.

“Wait, wait. It doesn’t make sense. You said you graduated as a vet. And your wife.. And
you saw Eddie when she moved in. Just how freaking old are you?”

He smirked. “Hazard a guess?”

I examined his face. “You look twenty-something.. Damn, man, you’re a freak. You can
change your appearance, too? That’s so creepy. You guys are.”

He grinned.

Sweet Lord. I’m going crazy soon.

I rubbed my face. I needed a coffee; better yet, sleep. “I don’t understand it. Out of so
many people, why was it your wife who stumbled upon the bracelet? Why was it me who
saw the pen? Why wasn’t it Jake or the agent or anyone?” I said bemusedly.

Gabe cleared his throat. “This might sound ridiculous; but I believe it’s not you who
activated the magic. It’s the other way round. The object chose you.”

“But why me?”

“I don’t know yet. And I don’t know how to stop it from killing Jake or anyone around
you.” His grin had vanished totally and he was looking at me earnestly. “But we will
figure it out. We will.”

And I trusted him.