A Crisis Can Transform You.
My crisis came in the guise of divorce.
I was in my mid-forties,married for twenty years with three children, when I learned mywife was having an affair. It hit me like a thunderbolt. I was tornapart. Divorce was not in my script at all, so when I saw mymarriage crumbling beyond repair I was totally disoriented.Betrayal in the form of adultery is always painful. In my case, itsexceptional power lay in the fact that it reawakened my deepestemotions: my wife was rejecting me in much the same way I feltmy mother had "rejected" me by dying when I was ten years old. Ineffect the situation that resulted was similar, only now it touchedthe core of my being.In fact, my whole life disintegrated. My family was in tatters; I wasno longer a husband or life-partner and was struggling to remain afather. I lost all sense of who I was and my confidence plummeted.I felt completely deskilled instead of the reasonably competentperson I had been. Every one of my accounts was called in – I stoodnaked at the counter of life. For me this was loss on a grand scale.Most of all, I felt emasculated and impotent.In time and with the help of therapy I was gradually transformed bythe crisis. The therapy helped me to rebuild my confidence, to startbelieving in myself and to put myself center-stage. I shed a lot of my emotional armor and began to develop a greater awareness of my feelings. This fundamentally changed the way I functioned,shifting me from being 'in my head' to being 'in my heart' more;from looking out to looking inward. I slowly came to realize that "it'sall in me", that we see the world as we are, not as it is.