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This Eulogy What Was Read at Charles Crocker's Grave

This Eulogy What Was Read at Charles Crocker's Grave

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Published by S. Sandrigon
In Memoriam: Charles Crocker, in whose name we announce a dolorous Fake Wake, open to the masses.

Death, as it must to all men, has come to Charles Crocker.
In commemorating & celebrating the ending of his life, we must take the good with the bad. Yes, he was an asshole, but he was a rich asshole.
Guests, in appropriate mourning garments, are invited to gather at Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland, California, where we will stroll together to his mausoleum. There we briefly eulogize the deceased (2pm!), gazing upon the beautiful bay area cityscape which he so dearly loved with his tiny, tiny heart. A small potluck picnic to follow around the back of the hill, including IRISH WAKE AMUSEMENTS. (I encourage guests perhaps, in addition to a picnic item, to bring cheap champagne &/or guinness, to make Black Velvets.)
In Memoriam: Charles Crocker, in whose name we announce a dolorous Fake Wake, open to the masses.

Death, as it must to all men, has come to Charles Crocker.
In commemorating & celebrating the ending of his life, we must take the good with the bad. Yes, he was an asshole, but he was a rich asshole.
Guests, in appropriate mourning garments, are invited to gather at Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland, California, where we will stroll together to his mausoleum. There we briefly eulogize the deceased (2pm!), gazing upon the beautiful bay area cityscape which he so dearly loved with his tiny, tiny heart. A small potluck picnic to follow around the back of the hill, including IRISH WAKE AMUSEMENTS. (I encourage guests perhaps, in addition to a picnic item, to bring cheap champagne &/or guinness, to make Black Velvets.)

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Categories:Types, Speeches
Published by: S. Sandrigon on Aug 03, 2010
Copyright:Public Domain

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08/14/2010

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Friends, Roman, Countrymen, lend me yourears. I come not bury Crocker, but to marry Crocker. I come not to marry Crocker, but tocarry Mocker. I come not to curry favor, butto Gary Cooper. The kid stays in the picture. The evil that men do lives after them, it turnsall green & follows them around like a ghastly ghosty. The good is oft interred with theirboners,
their boners, Nermal 
! Man that is bornof a woman has but a short time to live, and isfull of misery & cheap vodka. He never goesthe bathroom before he leaves the house, andmust hold it in, making the journey seemlonger. He cometh up, he cometh down, heputs his left hand in, he puts his left hand out, heturns himself about, is cut down like a flower, stomped upon with soccer cleats, spat upon,shat upon, he fleeth as it were a shadow, or a spooky creepy thing, and never continueth inone stay, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, monday, birthday, Independence day, MartinLuther King Jr Day, Days of our lives.Charles Crocker was born on 16th September 1822, &died this week from a horrible carriage accident twoyears ago from which he never fully recovered. It wasreally, really painful. The carriage came out of 
nowhere. How ironic that a man who’s mighty 
fortunes came from the conquering of the mighty  West with mighty iron rails & mighty usury could belaid low by something as stupid as a carriage. It wasreally, really painful. And extremely humiliating, but onthat we shall not dwell. How it hurt both his pride & hisfrail body. The pain.

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