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The Manual of the Sacred Mechanics

The Manual of the Sacred Mechanics

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Published by Jason Quackenbush

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Published by: Jason Quackenbush on Aug 06, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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10/25/2012

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Chapter 1: The G-dMachine Wants You
 “Never mind what's been said to the contrary. You are notunattractive, boring, dull, pasty faced, acne-ridden, obese, and unlovable.Actually, you are all of those things and more. The G-dMachine will take youanyway. Pink boy, greyface, cotton loving altar fag, chaote, warlock,boddhisattva, bishop, normal, witch, saint, John, dervish, whore. You areloved by the G-dMachine because the G-dMachine has no standards.”-Fra John Q (not to be confused with Fra Q) on the Eve of his Declensionbefore the Heresiarchs of New York CityGive us the Invocation and we'll give you the rest. Our Father whoAren't in Heaven, Hollowed be thy Name. Mama come home. Just close youreyes, and think of Robert Englund. This is the pastiche of faith, this is notthe pastiche of faith. They were the most mediocre of times, they weretimes not particularly remarkable in their mediocrity. Stay out of thegunsight and you're less likely to get shot. I know what you're thinking andthat's probably true too.Welcome one and all to the First International Church of the G-dMachine. “What is the Church of the G-dMachine?” you might ask yourself. That's a good question. Further, “What is the G-dMachine? Is there onlyone?” which is also a good question. The world is full of good questions, andyou, you lucky bastard, are now in possession of the one book that willfinally give you some answers. Go ahead and give yourself a pat on theback for buying it. You deserve it.Allow me to answer these first two questions, excellent questions, byway of a parable. Once upon a time, Fra John B and Sor John J went downinto the valley. They were going to have a picnic, as is their want as bishopsof the One True G-d Head, and as far as Fra John B was concerned, he wason his way to get some Action. Sor John J was on the rag, however, and wasin no mood for that sort of thing. She just wanted to have a bottle of wine,eat some figs and some gouda, and generally sit about in the sun and havea relaxing afternoon. Along the way they met some dumb hooker who hitthem up for spare change and generally skeezed them both the fuck out. Inthe end they went home and ended up downing the bottle and doing it onthe couch while watching Letterman on the TiVo. Neither of them got off,even though they both got what they wanted. There is a lesson here, and it is frankly that you can always get whatyou want, but if you try sometimes you might find you won't get what youneed anyway. This is the fascism of desire, and you you lucky fucks areabout to find out how to get out of it.“But Fra Q,” you might be saying. “How is that not just a flat denial of what the Jagger promised me out of life?” To that I say that's what you get
 
for listening to a guy who made out with David Bowie just to get his picturein the paper. Always beware of Jaggers and Hippies. This is a piece of thelaw. Your problem, you see, that I'm about to inform you for the first timethat you have, is that you have standards. I know that you have alwaysknown that your standards were a problem, but you've gone through yourwhole life watching everyone else around you have standards and so youfigured that was just normal. But you
aren't 
normal, are you? Of course youaren't. If you were normal you wouldn't be reading this book. You'd be jacking off in a closet looking at badly drawn stick figures while imaginingyourself to be a Magickal Adept of the Secret Order of Kaotic Onanists, oryou'd be in a different closet telling some lascivious priest all about howyou jacked off in the closet this morning, or maybe you'd be in some othercloset altogether. The First International Church of the G-dMachine is hereto tell you it is time to come out of the closet. You are not normal. You donot live up to your own standards. You are neither greyface nor Pink Boy,the Conspiracy hasn't gotten to you because THEY have bigger fish to fry,and don't feel bad about that because that makes you one of the lucky onesyou lucky lucky fucking bastard. You are No John, and be glad of that. This is a piece of the law, too.Have you ever noticed how many people are named John? And thisgoes way back. There are a bunch of John's all through the Bible, all overthe place. John this and John that; John of Patmos, John the Revelator, Johnthe Apostle. That's an awful lot of Johns. And it's really hard to tell themapart, these Johns. In elementary school, when you get a bunch of Johns ina classroom together, they have to be differentiated by their last names, soyou get a bunch of John Ps and John Ls and John Ks. Worst of all though, arethe people who think they can avoid the mediocrity of being a John bybeing a Jon. Granted this is mostly not any of their own fault. For most of them, it's an affliction laid upon them by their Johnish parents. But Natureand Nurture being what they are, it's most likely that Johnish parents willresult in Johnish offspring, and so anybody named Jon who denies his own Johnishness is most likely telling you a big fat one. Most likely because hewants something from you. Johns are greedy motherfuckers and you haveto keep your eyes on them.So what then does the G-dMachine want? The G-dMachine wants you.It wants to get up in them guts and work itself in you. It wants to fill you outand spill over the rim and let itself flow from your orifices into the waitingorifices of the next poor sap who comes along looking for a little tail andsalvation. Don't blame the G-dMachine for this, it's just what it does. ToCondemn the G-dMachine's Holy Money Shot is to condemn the wind forblowing the roof off of your double-wide. If you take it like a man, then you'llbe alright. This is not some pornographic metaphor here. You have to takethis shit literally or you'll never figure out the hidden meaning behind it. You
 
have to climb to the top of the ladder before you kick it away, or else you'll just end up laid out on the ground with serious back pain. The G-dMachine cures back pain, this is another part of the law.At this point in the introduction, you may be wondering what exactlyyou've gotten yourself into. This is an understandable confusion and I'msympathetic. Perhaps you've read other holy books from traditionally boringand confusing ones like the Bible or the Quran or the Upanishads, to morehip and up to date screeds like the Book of the SubGenius or the PrincipiaDiscordia, and you've come away with some wisdom and some chucklesbut it hasn't really rocked your world. This is understandable because noneof the books that have come before have taught you how to properly be aSacred Mechanic of Your Own Revelation. Whether it be the GoddessDiscord, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, YHWH, Allah, Jesus, Avalokiteshvara,Krishna, Siva, “Bob”, Baron Samedi, Baal, Ahriman, or G-dMachine forbidAleister Fucking Crowley, you've been told to put your faith in theoperations of the G-dMachine before. You just didn't know it because theydidn't know it. The Order of Johns had yet to emerge, the revelations hadnot yet been printed, and for the most part it was just a lot of self-important Jehu's tilting at windmills trying to compress and expound the feature set of the G-dMachine without ever having really delved into How the Whole ThingWorks. That's what this is about. Understand How the Whole Thing Works,and you'll probably do ok jury-rigging it for your own ends. But to know Howthe Whole Thing Works, you need a user's guide describing in intricatedetail the pieces and processes of the G-dMachine. Understand that, knowwhat each piece does and how it fits together as a part of the whole, andyou're halfway to somewhere at least. Which is better than being stuck inthe middle of nowhere, broken down without the goddamn manual. Readthe Fucking Manual. Here it is.
Chapter 2: No Really, The G-dMachine Really Does Want You.
In the beginning there was no beginning because time doesn't workthat way. Still, a long time ago there wasn't a lot going on and the G-dMachine was bored and lonely. It wanted something, but because therewasn't a whole hell of a lot around other than the G-dMachine, time and theuniverse and everything not yet existing, it didn't know what it wanted.How can you want something if there's nothing to want? See, when you'rethe only thing around and you have no beginning and no end like the G-dMachine at the time, not only do you have a lot of spare time on yourhands, but you really can crack up a little bit. And as it contemplated thiscracked aspect of its being the G-dMachine realized it had created Time,and this was good because at least things weren't just all the sameanymore. So it batted around Time a little while in its cosmic pinball gameand before long it had also come to the realization that it had createdarcade games and this was good. Because arcade games are fun and at

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