to Wait Until Marriage

to Have Sex

a Biblical Reasons
o
a
Medical Facts
Emotional Effects
#$*
o Safe Sex?
o "Second-Time"
Virginity
o Will You Take
the Pledge?

H,

K

arworld where celebrities and sports stars brag about their sexual
oonquests, is there any reason why we should wait until marriage to
have sex? Are Christians just a bunch of ignorant people who are
living in the past? Are they prudes who condemn any sort of fun,
including sex?
No, sex was God's idea first. He created it!
'l1o
test the commitment of the other person. Some people promise
6 marriage just to get sex, then back out. Many people have sex with people
they would never marry (Proverbs 5:3-12).
To grow as a Ghristian and be holy. You cannot grow as a Christian if you
7 are having sex outside of marriage (1 Thessalonians 4:3), Beware of people
who say religious words, but pressure you to have sex (Proverbs 7:5-15).

The Bible tells the story of God creating the world, the plants, the
animals, and the first man. The Bible says that God saw that it was not
good for Adam to be alone and so God created a wife for him. God's first
I To be like Jesus. Jesus was the most loving and "healthy" person in
history. He was tempted in every way we are, but did not compromise
(Hebrews 4:15). Jesus loved all kinds of people and had a reputation for
command to them together was to have sex: "Be fruitful and multiply."
being kind to sexually immoral people. He forgave them and said they
Sex is God's invention. lt was designed for having children, of course, but
should stop sinning (Luke 7:48 and John 8:1'1).
also for pleasure, as the Bible makes clear in many passages.
lf God invented sex, then it might be wofthwhile to know how he wants O To have a good life. lf we love and obey God, we will have life, peace, and
us to use it. The Bible gives us a lot of reasons to wait until marriage for t all of the circumstances in our lives, even the troubles, will turn out for good
sex. There are also a lot of emotional and medical reasons to wait. Here (Psalm 37 :4-9; Rom. 8:6,28).
are a few.

Biblical ,Reasons
l0 The Bible says we should run away from sexually immoral situations
(1 Corinthians 6;'18), When you feel yourself being tempted, get awayl

I
I
Sex is a beautiful gift from God and is reserved for marriage. Marriage is a
public commitment between a man and woman, and sex belongs to
il Tiokeep a good reputation. Having sex outside of marriage hurts your
good name (Ephesians 5:3). No one wants to be considered "cheap" or the
kind of person who takes advantage of others,
marriage only (Hebrews 13:4).

) Having sex with a person creates a kind of "oneness" that God intended I ) To be clearheaded when you are making important decisions-
rL' for marriage only (1 Corinthians 6:16). This oneness is not just physical; it is
.l(-'especially about dating and marriage (Proverbs 5:22-23 and
Proverbs 6:25-26).
emotional and spiritual, too. God created sensuality in a loving marriage to
build intimacy and trust, and to bond the couple.

2 fne Bible says we should not be sexually immoral (Acts 15:20). The
I word used in the Bible is "fornicate," which means sexual intercourse other
than between a husband and his wife.

To be admired and respected by others, even if they don't agree. lf the

4 other person disappears just because you wanted to stay pure, he or she
isn't worth having ('1 Peter 3:16).

have a clean conscience and no worries. lf you

5 To are celibate until
marriage, you don't need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases,
pregnancy, or the embarrassment of seeing former boyfriends or girlfriends
at church, school, or work (Proverbs 6:32).
 Health a:ntd EmOtia:nal,ReaSons
To avoid pregnancy until marriage. Nearly 1 million teen pregnancies are
I fepOfted annUally. (Source: Centers for Disease Control)
To avoid sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). ln the'1970s, only two
STDs were common, and both were curable. Now 25 STDs have been
identified, and several are incurable. lncurable STDs include genital herpes,
human papilloma virus (HPV), and human immunodeficiency virus (Hl$.
No drug can cure these diseases. Genital herpes, HPV, and syphilis can
be transmitted by skinto-skin contact, and condoms provide very little
pfOteCtiOn,
(Centers for Disease Control, Dept. of Health and Human Services,
New England Journal of Medicine, Journal of lnfectious Dlseases)
death by fatal sexually transmitted diseases, such as AIDS,
3 Towhichavoidcause '1
more than 6,000 deaths annually. (cenrers for Disease contror)
A
{-I
To avoid cervical cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, and infeftility.
HPV is the cause of 90% of all cervical cancer. Gonorrhea and chlamydia
cause pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility. (centers for Disease contror,
National lnstitutes of Health)
o* Abstinence is the only 100% reliable method of prevention. No birth
J control method-not even condoms-will guarantee safety from pregnancy
or disease. Every method has a failure rate. ln laboratory tests, condoms fail
3% of the time. ln actual use, studies show that first-year condom users
expefienCe a15% (1 in 7 uSeS) failure rate. (centersforDiseasecontror, tessNationat survey
of Family Growth, Johns Hopkins Medical School)
I)
!d-'
lt
N
You cannot tell who has a sexually transmitted disease. Nearly 1 in 5
6 adolescents and adults with sexual experience has an STD. Three million
cases are reported among teens each year. lt is estimated that 1 in 10
teenage girls has chlamydia-and she doesn't know it, because 75% of
Women haVe nO SymptOmS, (centers for Disease controt)
increase your chance of a happy, lasting marriage. People who have
7 To
sex before marriage and those who live with their partners before marriage
have a gfeatef chanCe Of getting diVOfCed. (Journat of MarriaseandtheFamiu)
n
x Abstinence is becoming increasingly popular. More than 50% of high
{J school students have never had sex. Even a recent men's magazine, one
known for its disdain of abstinence, found that the number of college
students who said they were virgins had doubled in recent years. Several
surveys have shown that celibacy is increasing, even among those with
pfeviOUS SgXUal eXpefienCe. (centers for Disease controt)
I To avoid the heartbreak, regret, and anger that sex outside of marriage
brings. Many people regret it. They feel used and worthless, because they
gave away something precious. (See "Second-Time Virginity.")
To maintain healthier dating relationships. Many couples have reported
that having sex ruined their relatidnship. They stopped getting to know each
other and focused on sex instead.
I II fo make better decisions about a marriage partner. lt is harder to break
.t up with someone-even if he or she is not right for you-if you have had sex.
To grow in emotional maturity. Some people use sex as an escape from
tfre disappointments and pain in life.
RUN
,fdea5 {or (eeBin g Qvt o( Trauble
Are you going too far? ls your love life all about "making out"?
Here are some ways of slowing your passion down.
tr Group dates. Don't spend much time alone. Observe each other
interacting with other people. Do other people respect your boyfriend
or girlfriend?
tr Make your mottor "Hands off. Clothes on." Keep both feet on the floor
and do not get "horizontal."
Don't talk about your sexual desires or experience with members of
the opposite sex.
tr Do talk about your standards and why you hold them. Be sincere.
You don't need to have a snappy comeback. Just say, "l'm saving
sex until marriage." That is enough. lf your boyfriend or girlfriend
dumps you because of your stand, he or she was not worlh having.
f Even if you think this is "the one" (the one you will marry), be
cautious. Some people hint around about marriage to get affection,
attention, and sex.
tr Hugging and kissing a lot closes your mind to danger signals.
your head clear enough to end the relationship if you see serious
warning signs. Before you starl a relationship, make a list of qualities
you want in a spouse and stick to them.
tr Talk, talk, talk about family, friends, hobbies, interests, creative
pursuits, goals, and dreams. Spend your time getting to know a lot
about each other rather than making out. (Write to us for a free copy
of "100 Things You Need to Know About the Person You Are Dating.")
Stay away from places where "making out" is encouraged. Don't
spend time alone in private, behind closed doors, or with people who
only think about sex.
Ask yourself, "Am I prepared to get married this year?" Until you have
finished your education, developed stability as a single person, and
gathered the finances to get married, do not spend a lot of time alone
together.
lf you have given your virginity away,
it is not too late to start over. You cannot get
your virginity back, but God can give you a
fresh new start. He does this by giving you
a clean heart. All you need to do is repent
and ask for forgiveness. Some people call
this new start "second-time virginity." You
can treat yourself with respect and expect
others to do the same.
Guilt & Forgiveness
No matter whdt you have done, God loves
you and is eager to forgive you. All you have
to do is ask. (1 John 1:9) Nothing is too big
for God to forgive.
Everyone has sinned. No one can say, "l am perfect."
lf God loved only perfect people there would be no one to love.
lf God used only perfect people, there would be no one on earth to carry
out his plans.
God called King David, a "man after my own heart," even though David
Keep
committed adultery and murder.
God Has Good Plans for You
A Christian newspaper recently ran a story of a woman who was infected
by HIV who started a ministry to HIV sufferers. After a time, she met a
man who knew her story. They had a long friendship and a lot of counsel,
and finally chose to get married. He does not have HIV but he loved her
and her heaft for God, and was willing to take the risk. Nothing is
impossible for God. (See Jeremiah 29:11.)
You Are Not Disqualified From Being Used by God
History is full of Christians who made unwise choices about sex, and
then repented. God still has good plans for you if you follow him. You are
not disqualified. God promises to bandage your broken heart, to give you
a new life, and even to make you better than before. Someday he may
use your hurt, pain, suffering, and confusion to comfort and encourage
others. (lsaiah 61:1-2; Psalm 51:17; Psalm 71:20-21; Psalm 147:3;
2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
. There are approximately '15.3 million new cases of
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) each year. According to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health,
. several factors help keep teenagers away from early sexual activity.
About 45 million people currently have genital
herpes, an incurable STD known for painful o Teenagers who feel connected to their parents.
genital ulcers. lt is transmitted by . Parents who disapprove of their teenager being sexually active
skin-to-skin contact. and disapprove of adolescent contraception.
. . Adolescents who have a lot of shared activities with their
Human papilloma virus, the cause of parents.
genital warts and 9O%o of cervical o Teenagers who have taken a "virginity pledge," a promise to
cancer, was spread to 5.5 million wait until marriage.
people in 1996 alone. There is no cure. . Teens that look younger than their peers.
The most commonly reported disease in
. Parents who have high expectations for their child's education.
the United States is an STD called chlamydia.
Although it is easy to cure, it is often hard to detect without a lab When parents know the dangers of early sexual activity, they find it
test, and may go untreated for many years. Without treatment it can easy to express their concern and expectations. Treat your son or
cause sterility, pelvic inflammatory disease, and tubal pregnancy. daughter the same way you would if they were about to do any
other dangerous thing, such as eating undercooked chicken or
a Two-thirds of people with STDs are less than 25 years old. riding a motorcycle without a helmet.
a STDs cost $8.4 billion each year to treat in the United States alone" ln addition to warning them, you should tell them what you expect.
a Although their chances of getting an STD in their lifetime is 1 in 4, Build a clear picture of a positive future for them. You might . . .
most sexually active teenagers and adults think the STD rate is less '1. Expect them to know reasons for abstinence (STDs,
than 1 in 10. pregnancy, broken hearts, regrets) and to put off sex until
Syphilis is declining due to education and treatment, but the other marriage. (Or stop all sexual activity if they have previous
STDs, jncluding the four incurable viral STDs, are major problems. sexual experience.)
2. Expect them to get a ceftain amount of education before they
Only three STDs are required by law to be reported to the Centers for marry. (For example, high school, trade school, or college.)
Disease Control; the other five major STDs account for two-thirds of 3. Expect them to be self-sufficient for a little while before getting
all STDs. married. (lt is impoftant that they know how to pay rent, pay
Source: "Sexually Transmitted Diseases in America: How Marty
bills, work at a realjob, and handle other "adult"
Cases and at What Cost?" Kaiser Family Foundation, Decetttber 1998 responsibilities.)
4. Expect them to think about future responsibilities. (Some
parents tell their sons and daughters that they should not
www.rose-publishing.com www.rosepul)lir;llirlllrrrl marry until they have a stable job and money saved.)
SPCN 9-90198-072-0 I 0 000 O 2000 Rose Publishing, lnc., 4455 Totrance lllv(1., ll:)l,l), lorrrrrr{ r!, ( l/\ l)0i)olj
USA All rights reserved, including the righL ol rul)lo(lr1(:ll()rr lrr wlr()l(r (rr lrr l)rrrl
in any form. They need your love and fear your disapproval. Both the love and
ilil lilt ililililil lll llll lll ll llll ilillil All of themedical informationonthischarl islrollllrirliollrrllVl\lr()wlllrrlrlllll
organizations or researchers, such as the Colltorlj lor I)ll!rlrri (ir)rllr)1, lll.)
the approval (or disapproval) are important. You can show love to
9 ttz89901tt98o7z7tt Alan Guttmacher lnstitute, the Natlonal lnst ttll(l:i l(r I I(rir lll, llr[ lirtl:rrt I rtttt ly them by spending time on activities you both enjoy. lt's always good
Foundation, and Johns Hopkins IVled cal Sohool.
The editors would like to thank the following psopl€ wlro ahrrod llrrrir
to tell them, "l love you. That is why I want to talk with you." At the
expertise: Dr Tom Fitch (pediatrics), board rlxllrl)(n ol l\,4rx!lrrrilllrrl,', I ll)l)y
Gray of Project Feality; Peter Brandt of lhe Naliorrnl (i)rrliliolr l(n Alrrrllttr,trtrrr
same time, it is important to give teens consequences for going
ill|rililtIililflllililililIil Education; DrRichBuhlerof BranchesCottttttLtttioillioliri; illl(l lirrnlllyl)rrrll against family rules and values.
6 ttt L6ZZ3ttOO1ZZtttt 8 Jones, M.Div., First Baptist Church, Tulsa, Oklitlxrtrtit.
This information is also available as a 19" x 26" wrll olrrrl tttll\l Wltv Wttil l
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 know that God intended
sex to be a beautiful bonding union between a husband and wife.

Even now, I may be the answer to someone's prayers for a

wonderful spouse. Someone may be praying for me to stay pure,
just for our marriage.

Iwant to have a clear conscience. I don't want to give away my

heart or my body to someone I don't end up marrying. I don't want
regrets or heartbreak or embarrassment. I want to save my heart
and my body for that one special person. I want my husband or
wife to respect my values and integrity.

I want to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

I know that God's Word commands me to refuse sexual activity

until the Lord brings me the husband or wife who is best for me,
and we are joined in marriage.

Iwant my children to know I waited, and that they can too. I want
to be able to tell the truth about how we met and how we dated.

lf I have had sexual experience, I repent and ask for God's

forgiveness. I know he will forgive me and has given me a fresh
clean slate. I am now pure in the Lord's eyes. I will treat myself as a
new person and will expect others to do so also. God has a good
plan for my life and I will not let the memory of the past condemn
me to a hopeless future.

This I pledge today, that I will wait until marriage to have sex,
knowing that God will bless my decision to be faithful to him!

Signed
1. Nearly one million teenage pregnancies are reported annually in North America alone
"Overall trends and state-by-state information," Alan Guttmacher lnstitute, Online, April
1999, <http://www.agi-usa.orglpubs/teen-preg-stats.html> Also Centers for Disease
Control, Online, Oct 22, 1999,
<http://www.cdc. gov/nchstp/dstd/Condom_Use_Among_Adolescents. htm>
2. Human papilloma virus (HPV) is associated with cervical cancer and causes 4,900
deaths among women each year. There are 5.5 million new infections each year. Genital
herpes, known for its painful genital ulcers in many cases, can be transmitted with or
without the presence of sores or other symptoms. One in five adolescents is infected with
genital herpes, according the the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), Dept. of Health and
Human Services. There is no cure and condoms do not provide complete protection
because it is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.
<http://www. cdc. gov/nchstp/dstd/Genital,Herpes_facts. htm>
3. More than 16,000 people die annually from AIDS. Source: CDC, Statistical Rolodex -
AIDS/HlV August 31 , 1999, Online <http://www.cdc.gov/nchswww/fastats/aids-hiv.htm>
4. Ninety percent of cervical cancer and pre-cancer of the cervix is caused by strains of
human papilloma virus (HPV). National lnstitutes of Health. (April 1-3, 1996). Cervical
Cancer: N/H Consensus Development Statemenf, Online, 43(1), 1-38.
According to the National lnstitutes of Health, the data on barrier methods (such as
condom use) "does not supporl this as an effective method of prevention" of HPV the
sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer. National lnstitutes of Health. (April
1-3, 1996). Cervical Cancer: N/H Consensus Development Statemenf, Online, 43(1), 1-38.
5. Condoms cannot 100% prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) for
three reasons: (1) Some STDs are spread through the skin that is not covered by a
condom; (2) condoms have a laboratory failure rate of 2-3%o; (3) people use condoms
carelessly. First year use failure rate for condoms is 15%o (1 in 7 uses) in preventing
pregnancy according to the Centers for Disease Control, 1988 National Survey of Family
Growth, <http://www.cdc. gov/epo/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00021 321 .htm>
A study at Johns Hopkins Medical School and School of Preventative Medicine
showed that men and women who report use of condoms with every sexual encounter did
not have a lower incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Men and women who always
used condoms during the four month trial, acquired a new STD al a 15%o rate compared
with 15.3% for men and women who never used condoms. (No statistical difference.)
Zenilman, Jonathan, et. al. (1995). "Condom Use to Prevent lncident of STDs: The Validity
of Self-Reporled Condom Use." Sexually Transmitted Dlseases. 22:15-21. 95.8(4)
Average first-year user failure rale is'. 15.7o/o according the 1988 National Survey of
Family Growth; 15.8%o according to Family Planning Perspectives, Yol. 21 , Number 3,
May/June 1989 and JanlFeb 1992; and 14%o according to Hatcher, et al, Contraceptive
Technology, "l 7th edition, 1998.
6. Chlamydia, a common bacterial sexually transmitted disease in the United States, can
cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PlD), infertility, and fatal tubal pregnancy. There are an
estimated four million new infections annually. Centers for Disease Control, Dept. of Health
and Human Services, J uly 28, 1 999 <http://www.cdc. gov/od/owh/whstd. htm>
Today there are at least 25 STDs. At least eight new pathogens have been identified
since 1980, including HlV. lnstitute of Medicine. (1997). The Hidden Epidemic-
Confronting Sexually Transmitted Disease (edited by Thomas R. Eng and William T. Butler).
Washington, DC: National Academy Press.
"Nationwide, 45 million people ages 12 and older, or one out of five of the total
adolescent population is infected with HSV-2 [genital herpes]," according to the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention, Online,
www. cec. gov/nchstp/destd/Gen ital_Herpes_facts. html
7. Those who cohabit ("live together") have a higher chance of divorce. Couples who
cohabit before marriage are more likely to experience marital problems with marital
dissolution [divorce] than couples who do not cohabit before marriage. DeMaris, A., Rao,
K. 1992. Premarital cohabitation and subsequent marital stability in the US. Journal of
Marriage and the Family, 0 992). Vol. 54, 178-190.
"Couples not involved before marriage and faithful during marriage are more satisfied
with their current sex life and also with their marriage compared to those who were
involved sexually before marriage," according to David Larson, Ph.D., researcher for the
National lnstitutes of Health. According to a national survey, couples who lived together
before they married were 4OYo more likely to be divorced within a decade than couples
who did not. The marriages o'f 38%o of those who had first cohabited dissolved, compared
lo 27Vo of those who wed before living together. Sege, lrene, (1989, July 3). "Study Finds
No Marriage lnsurance in Cohabitation," Boston Globe.
8. The "1998 UCLA Survey of College Freshmen found "approval of promiscuity at its
lowest point in 25 years." The survey says that a record low of 39.6% of students (down
from a high of 51 .9%o in 1987) believe that casual sex is acceptable. Sax, L.J., Astin, A.W.,
Korn, W.S., Mahoney, K.M. (1998). The American Freshman: National Norms for Fall 1998.
Los Angeles: Higher Education Research lnstitute, UCLA.
The percentage of males aged 17-19 who had ever had sex decreased in 1995, and
the acceptance of premarital sex decreased significantly from 1988 to 1995, according to
Ku, Leighton, Sonenstein, Freya L., et al. (1998). Understanding changes in sexual activity
among young metropolitan men: 1979-1995. Family Planning Perspectives, Vol. 30, No. 6
Headline: "The Next Hip Trend: Saving Sex for Marriage," William Mattox, Washington
Iimes, February 22, 1999, says according to a study by the National Center for Health
Statistics (NCHS) the number of high school males who are "sexually experienced"
dropped from 61 o/o lo 49%o between 1990 and 1997.
<http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/MMWRs/Trends,Risk_Behaviors_HS_students.htm>
Online, September 18, 1998.
Although 75o/o of teens believe that most teens are sexually active, the reality is that
only 40%o of teens say they have had sexual intercourse, according to a survey by the
Kaiser Family Foundation and published in "What do you know about sex?" in Seventeen
magazine, April 2000.
Strong Christian beliefs are "associated with less-permissive sexual attitudes and
behaviors. . . . Millions of teenagers are reported to have taken virginity pledges" through
the "True Love Waits" movement. Promise Keepers and the Million Man March, "which
emphasize greater male responsibility for children" were also suggested as causes for this
significant change in sexual activity and attitudes in the 1990s, according to Ku, Leighton,
Sonenstein, Freya L., et al. (1 998). Understanding changes in sexual activity among young
metropolitan men: 1979-1995. Family Planning Perspectives, Vol.30, No.6.
For fudher information:
. Directory of Abstinence Fesources (2 versions available: Church & public school
resources - $29.00, includes shipping; or Public school resources only - $25.50, includes
shipping) National Abstinence Clearinghouse, 801 E. 41st St., Sioux Falls, SD 57105 Ph.
888-577 -2966 e-mail: info@abstinence.net
Contains 70 pages of books, posters, t-shirts, videos, as well as listings of speakers,
testimonials, reports, curriculum for schools and churches, and abstinence education
providers.
. Reasons to Wait, a mini-poster from Rose Publishing. Designed for public school
teachers to use in the classroom. Shows medical and health reasons for abstinence,
without any references to religion. 8"x'1 0" plastic coated, $g.gS each. ltem #430L
Ph. (800) 532-4278 e-mail: rosepubl@aol.com
. Medical and scientific information is available from Medlnstitute, PO Box 162306, Austin,
TX78716-2306. Ph. (512) 328-6268 e-mail; medinstitute@medinstitute.org