When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “Jack Bauer”.In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What haveyou done with your life?In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.If Jack and a terrorist were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of the terrorist and blast out.People with amnesia can remember Jack Bauer.Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, joinhim. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re f***ing dead.”Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having aweakness.When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of O.J.Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the locationof the egg.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland.Jack Bauer gets played by no man.