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Don't Take a Man Shopping

Don't Take a Man Shopping

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Published by meyrick

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Published by: meyrick on Oct 05, 2007
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/08/2014

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Dear Mrs. Murray,While we thank you for your valued custom and use of theTesco LoyaltyCard, the Manager of our store in Banbury is consideringbanning you andyour family from shopping with us, unless your husbandstops his antics.Below is a list of offences over the past few months allverified by oursurveillance cameras:1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly putthem in people'strolleys when they weren't looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at5-minuteintervals.3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading tofeminineproducts aisle.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in anofficial tone,"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
 
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to acarpeted area.6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothingdepartment andtoldshoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausagesand a Calorgasstove.7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if shecould help him, hebegan to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave mealone?"8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used itas amirror,picked his nose, and ate it.9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchenknives in theHousewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where theantidepressantswere.
 
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudlyhumming the"Mission Impossible" theme.11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the"Madonna look"using different size funnels.12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when peoplebrowsed, yelled"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"13. December 21: When an announcement came over theloud speaker,assumedthe foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voicesagain."And; last, but not least:14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,waited awhile;then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."Yourssincerely,

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