FREE
Election Special Inside
07/03/02
News In Brief
BY RICHARD SAWYER
SWIMMING ON MARS?
The Mars Odyssey Spacecraft has discov-
ered evidence of water, in the form of frozen
hydrogen, on the planet Mars after ten days
of data gathering. The water is believed to
be located near the planets southern polar
region stored in significant, but unknown,
quantities of ice. William Boynton, of the
University of Arizona, US, said: “If this
is confirmed, it is fantastic. There is the
equivalent of at least several percent water
south of 60 degrees latitude.” Who says
Total Recall was fiction?
DRUGS TEST FAILURE FOR
BRIT
Britain’s first medal winner for alpine ski-
ing, Alain Baxter, who won bronze in the
slalom event at Salt Lake City, has failed
a drugs test. The (Scottish) athlete tested
positive for methamphetamine, a prohibited
substance that could improve reaction times.
Baxter denies knowingly taking ‘speed’, as
it is more commonly known, and awaits the
results of a second testing, which should it
prove positive could result in the athlete
being stripped of his medal.
FURTHER ISRAELI ATTACKS
Palestinian attacks have prompted retalia-
tion by Israeli gun ships on targets in the
west bank. Gun ships attacked security
buildings belonging to the Palestinians in
the Gaza strip, killing two people when their
car was hit by rockets. The actions incited
alarm over the continued violence in the area
and prompted President Bush to say pledge
he will “redouble his efforts” in order to end
the cycle of violence in the Middle East. In
a separate development, reports from Saudi
Arabia say that Syrian President Bashar al-
Assad has backed a Saudi peace plan for the
Middle East.
Regulars
News 1-3
Letters 4
Barearts 6-20
Services 22
Sport 24
The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper www.ussu.co.uk Issue no: 1028
A Fix?
UPROAR CAUSED BY OWAIN JAMES, THE CURRENT NUS PRESIDENT
BY TRISTAN O’DWYER
EDITOR
Sabbatical Officers around the country were outraged
this week after the NUS President sent a letter seeking
to influence voting in the upcoming NUS elections.
The elections, which are due to take place at this years
NUS Conference in April, are to select the new NUS
President, Treasurer, Secretary and other positions,
including the “block of twelve”, a part time executive.
The letter, sent by NUS President Owain James, him-
self a former member of the Labour party, and Treasurer
Geraint Hopkins to Student Union Presidents, urges vot-
ers to vote against any Labour candidates or Labour sup-
ported candidates, in favour of independent candidates.
The letter says “it was NUS run by Labour Students,
which let us down when the Government abolished
grants and introduced tuition fees.” The letter goes on to
name several Labour candidates including the President
of NUS Scotland, Mandy Telford.
Ms Telford, the Labour Students’ choice for the job,
put up a strong defence, pointing out that she was not
involved in NUS politics when Labour first introduced
tuition fees, arguing that it was “two generations of stu-
dent politicians ago.”
Indeed, it is under her term in office that the Scottish
parliament has decided to scrap tuition fees. She also
insists that she had “consistently stood up to the Labour
party in Scotland” when it was in the best interests
of students. She added: “The way we work in NUS
Scotland is very different from NUS England. We don’t NUS President Owain James and (inset) his signature on the letter that has caused concern
just complain about things. We say, let’s discuss exactly what
we want so that we’re not in a position where the government Speculation has been rife regarding the real reasons behind this letter,
comes up with something.” and many believe that this is the result of a deal between Owain James
Geraint Hopkins however dropped out of the race at the weekend to and Geraint Hopkins. The letter names a candidate who is running
allow the other independent candidate, Brooks Duke, said to be Mr against one of Mr Hopkins’ preferred candidates, Dervish Mertcan,
Owains preferred candidate, more of a chance of winning. He said: in the election for the National Treasurer role. Some believe that
“When Labour are in power it’s better for the NUS to be run by stu- Mr James agreed to write the letter criticising Andrew Perfect, Mr
dents. They [Labour students] just roll over and allow Labour to get Mertcan’s opponent, in return for MR Hopkins withrawing from the
race, leaving the road clear for Brooks Duke.
away with whatever it wants.”
Another candidate named in the letter said “people at conference A letter condemning the behaviour of Messrs James and Hopkins
should vote ifor the best candidate. Student Unions and NUS are has been sent by several sabbatical officers from around the country
political by nature, but the elections should be based on who is best to national newspapers.
suited for the job, not whether a candidate supports this or that politi
cal party.
Student Council - Thursday Week 9, 1PM
 2 News 07/03/02

Editor
Editorial Team Outrage At NUS President’s Letter
Tristan O’Dwyer
Deputy Editor The following is the Student Union Presidents urging them not to vote Once again we would like to condemn this action
Richard Watts text of a letter written for any Labour supported/supporting candidates in and ask all Students who will be voting to think for
News and Political Editor by me and signed by the upcoming National Executive elections. Under themselves. It’s THEIR choice.
Reuben Thompson Sabbs from across the the guise of encouraging a more independent NUS
Music Editor country that was sent it seems that back room deals have been made to Regards
Kevin Marston ensure that certain candidates win. The letter goes on
to various national
Film Editor to name certain individuals to vote against. Tristan O’Dwyer, VP Communications, Surrey S.U.
newspapers. Many
Navroop Sehmi The two authors are in the highest elected posi- Adam Jakeway, President, Surrey S.U.
other officers voiced
Sports Editor tions in the NUS, and for them to be behaving this James Buller, VP Societies and Culture, Surrey S.U.
Dave Chapman concern at Mr James’
actions but did not way is extremely undemocratic. Messrs James and Celia Parkyn, Media & Communications Officer,
Production Editor Hopkins will no doubt claim that they did not use UCL Union
wish to sign this let-
Vacant
Features Editor
Tristan O’Dwyer ter. At time of going the advantages of their positions to send the letter, Ursula Brown, Education and Welfare Officer, UCL
and indeed the letter did not appear to be on NUS Union
Vacant Editor to press we do not
paper. However, this is beside the point. As people Kate Holmes, Education and Welfare Officer,
Arts Editor know if any of the Southampton University S.U.
in high authority they have a lot of influence and a
Jana Kristensen papers will print the Lisa Widdows, VP Education and Welfare, Surrey
lot of trust placed in them. To argue that they can
letter. S.U.
separate themselves as individuals and officials
Contributors would be absurd. John Geeson, VP Finance & Development, Surrey
Richard Sawyer Dear Sir, S.U.
At a time when officers around the country are
Michael Chambers striving to ensure that their sabbatical elections are Pete Wood, VP (Communications) Southampton
Julia Walker As Students’ Union officers from around the country University S.U.
run smoothly and fairly this strikes us as being utter
we would like to wholeheartedly condemn the action Jessica Hill, Communications Officer, University of
hypocrisy, and the kind of behaviour that brings stu-
taken by the President and Treasurer of the National Sussex S.U.
dent politics into disrepute.
BAREFACTS@USSU.CO.UK Union of Students. Suzanne Wilson, VP Communications & Campaigns,
A letter was sent by these two individuals to all Bristol S.U.
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper,

Armed Siege Shuts

published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Communications Office.

The views expressed within the paper are those of

MORE SHIT FOR THE
Down Guildford Town
individual authors, and do not necessarily repre-
sent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board,
the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the
University of Surrey. VICE-CHANCELLOR
Centre
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in
part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without
the express permission
of the publisher. WHAT NOW FOR THE POOR BLOKE?
All submissions must include the author’s name and
Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee BY RICHARD WATTS BY JULIA WALKER his council flat - he’s now in cus-
of publication.
Deputy Editor tody at Guildford police station.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be
published.
Fuildford town centre was brought to a Despite restricting access to the town,
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. standstill in the early hours of Tuesday some people deliberately broke through
Barefacts has learnt of another incident that has been of cause for
© USSU Communications Office 2001 5th of March. Police arrested a man safety cordons to get to work, whilst the
concern for the Vice Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling, following
from a flat in Bedford Road who was police carried out this major operation.
Deadline for Publication the revelation of his pay increase we reported on two weeks ago. It is
believed to have been in possession of The A31 Gyratory and Woodbridge
Features and Arts: Friday 2pm rumoured that his personal toilet, which is located next to his office on
a firearm. Road were closed since the early hours.
News: Monday 2pm the top floor of Senate House and reserved for the use of the VC and
royalty only, has been used by an unidentified person who, not only The town suffered severe congestion,
A number of soldiers were also and several miles of tailbacks built up
SubmissionOn disk / email in having utilised the facility without called in over night to help with the
Word 6.0 Format, Text in Times New permission, left a rather sullied “rem- on the A3 North Bound.
operation to coax the man out of
Roman, size 9.5 font nant” to greet the VC on his next visit.
Though not thought to be a deliberate
barefacts act of “vandalism”, the incident has
Union House, still troubled Professor Dowling. It
University Of Surrey is not known at this time whether the
Guildford, luxurious bathroom includes Kleenex
Surrey, Quilted tissue or not. (we would like
GU2 7XH to stress that this is, of course, pure
gossip from an un-named source..
Tel: 01483 689275 Make of it what you will! - ed.)
Fax: 01483 534749
email: barefacts@ussu.co.uk A toilet not unlike the one used by the VC

Do you have a complaint

against this newspaper?
I CAN’T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT
If you have a complaint about any item BY RICHARD WATTS
in this newspaper which contains inac- Deputy Editor
curacy, harassment, intrusion or dis-
crimination write to our editor about it. Prince Philip, one of the greatest advocates of international diplomacy Britain
If you remain dissatisfied please contact
has ever known, has once again put his proverbial foot in it whilst chatting to
the Press Complaints Commission - an some Aborigine performers on the Queen’s Golden Jubilee Tour of Australia.
independant organisation established to Having watched their performance in Cairns last week, the Duke of Edinburgh
uphold an editorial Code of Practice for proceeded to ask a father and son, who were dressed in Aboriginal attire, “do
the Press. This newspaper will abide by you still throw spears at each other?”. The reply, from a Mr Brim, is said to have
their decision.
been “No, we don’t do that anymore.”
Press Complaints Commission It is not the first time the Prince has been known to say something a little, ahem,
1 Salisbury Square inappropriate: during a state visit to China in 1986, he famously told a group of
London EC4Y 8JB British students: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed”, and
Telephone: 020 7353 1248 also asked of a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland some years later: “How do
Fax: 020 7353 8351 you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
Printed by South West Wales Buckingham Palace, of course, defended the Prince, saying that his comments
Publications Ltd, were “light-hearted” and taken out of context. As, I suppose, was the “looked
like it was wired by an Indian” last year; but there we go. “I’m sorry: what did you say he said?”
Adelaide Street, Swansea
Tel: 01792 510000
07/03/02
VICE-CHANCELLORS
SAY “NO” TO A
GRADUATE TAX
BY RICHARD WATTS
Deputy Editor
Following the government’s recent student-
support review, in which a proposal for
the implementation of a graduate tax was
included, Vice-Chancellor’s at universities all
over the country are considering a campaign
to keep tuition fees. The universities that they
represent want the freedom to charge students
top-up fees and have warned the government
that the proposed tax would harm not only the
introduction of differential fees in the future,
but also their well-publicized agenda for an
all-inclusive policy by the year 2010.
A submission made by Universities UK,
the organization that represents the affairs of
higher education establishments throughout
the country, backs the reintroduction of the
maintenance grant, claiming that student hard-
ship was hampering efforts to widen participa-
tion and warned that the graduate tax may very
well delay a more market-driven system for
at least a generation. A policy director of the
News 3
No
Commonwealth Kosovo Elects
Sanctions on First President
Zimbabwe
BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS
UUK, Tony Bruce, commented “a graduate tax News Correspondant
News Correspondant
would make a market-based fee system more
difficult because the charge would be applied Kosovo’s new assembly has chosen the pacifist
The British Commonwealth has decided not
after graduation and you could not apply dif- Albanian leader, Ibrahim Rugova as the prov-
to impose sanctions on Zimbabwe for expel-
ferential charges at that point.” ince’ first president. The vote comes after Mr
ling election observers placed there to ensure
Professor Patrick Dowling, Vice-Chancellor Rugova’s party finally agreed a power-sharing
fair presidential election. Leaders decided
of the University of Surrey, released a state- deal with the other main ethnic Albanian par-
not to follow the EU and the United States in
ment in which he supported the comments ties last week, four months after a general elec-
punishing President Mugabe’s government,
made by the UUK. He said he “would prefer tion. This was Mr Rugova’s fourth attempt to
as they believe sanctions would only create
it if our funding came direct from Central be elected despite being the only presidential
further economic problems in Zimbabwe. The
Government…unfortunately that funding candidate. “This is a good day for Kosovo”
Commonwealth is considering suspending
stream is not high on the Government’s agenda, said UN Chief Administrator, Michael Steiner.
Zimbabwe, however a decision will not be
so we have to accept that other means have to “These are men who will work for the interests
made until after next weekend’s presidential
be addressed,” and consolidated his opposition of Kosovo and I think they are united in bring-
election. The issue of sanctions and President
to the graduate tax by commenting on the pres- ing Kosovo forward” he added.
Mugabe’s actions dominated the summit, held
sures a recent graduate already faces: “gradu-
in Australia and chaired by Prime Minister John
ates have enough demands on their initial pay
Howard.
cheques with repayment of student loans.”
A further review, led by the Department for
Education and Skills, is to be handed into
Downing Street soon, for consideration by the
treasury, with a consultation document ready
for issue in spring. The final recommendations
are expected later in the year.

Minister Orders Enquiry

Into VC Pay Offs
BY TRISTAN O’DWYER
Editor
The Higher Education minister, has recently
ordered and investigation into Vice Chancel-
lors’ salaries.
Margerate Godges said “Vice Chancellors
are doing an excellent job making sure our
universities remain competitive centres of
education, research and innovation.
“However, I share the concerns about some
of the apparently large pay rises and have
asked HEFCE to assure me that guidelines
are being properly followed.”
The investigation will centre on sever-
ance apyments, for which HEFCE produced
guidelines in 1997. This follows a report in
the Times Higher Education Supplement that
showed that many Vice Chancellors receive
extremely large pay rises in thier final year
of work.
Sally Hunt, of the Association fo Univer-
sity Teachers, said that HEFCE needed to act
quickly as public cynicism about the pay rises
is rife.

NUS DJ Competition
Judging A Farce
BY TRISTAN O’DWYER
Editor
DJ’s and Supporters alike were shocked last
wednesday at the quality of judging for the
final of this year’s Red Decks’n’FX com-
petition, at which USSU DJ, Tim Dingley,
competed.
The 8 winners from the semi finals competed
at Ministry of Sound and were judged by peo-
ple such as DJ Touche and DJ Angel. There
were many good performances and some
poor, including that of DJ Moz, a hip-hop DJ
from Keele University. DJ Moz made many
major mistakes which he seemed to have
problems overcoming. Many people believed
that he would not do well in the rankings and
were shocked to hear the announcement that
he had won the competition. Tim Dingley, DJ
at USSU’s “Cigars and Good Living” nights,
was one of the only trance DJs performing and
put in what was thought by many to be an ex-
cellent performance. He came 7th out of 8.
When asked to comment about the competi-
tion, Tim said that he was dissappointed and
complained about the set up provided. “We
were told there’d be a choice of mixers, one
for hip-hop DJs and one for dance DJs, but
because most of the DJs were hip-hop they
decided they couldn’t be bothered to set both
up.” Other also commented on the set up,
which was vastly inferior to that used in the
regional heats. The sound was also very poor.
A member of NUS Ents staff, who organised
the event, admitted that some of the judges
decisions were “surprising”, and thought that
Tim should have been ranked higher.
With bottles of Red being free at the VIP
bar one can only speculate as to whether the
judges really knew what they were doing!
UniS Residential Accommodation Survey
The University is undertaking a student survey to gather your opinions and views about cur-
rent and future residential accommodation. The information you give will be utilised in the
development of new accommodation and will help to ensure that existing accommodation
services meet your needs as far as possible. The survey is open to all students even if you are
not currently living in University Accommodation. Those who complete the survey will also
be eligible to enter a free prize draw for a £50 voucher.
Your views are very important!
The survey will address a range of questions including:
• What do you consider to be the most important aspects of university accommodation?
• Do you feel that university accommodation offers value for money?
• Are there additional facilities / service that you feel should be offered?
• Would you prefer accommodation to be cleaned for you?
• Do you prefer to provide your own bedding or would you like it provided for you?
• Would post-graduates prefer to have separate accommodation from undergraduates?
You can find the questionnaire on the UniSLife web page: www.surrey.ac.uk/unislife/ alterna-
tively you should be sent an e-mail with the survey hyper-link.
 4 Letters and Life after the womb 07/03/02

Life After The Womb ...the now bi-weekly offering from your friend in the know, Rich W

Hello one and all. This week takes on a little bit of a seri-
ous tone, I’m afraid, after I was involved in an incident
that could very well have caused me to lose an eyebrow
had it not been for some quick-thinking and ingenuity on
my behalf. Below is the letter I sent to KP after the inci-
dent, whose details I hope are made clear in the content
you are about to read. Rest assured, Life After the Womb
has your safety as its priority, and should I receive a reply
I’ll be sure to let you know another week. Anyway, read
on, and, more importantly, take care if microwaving any-
thing of any sort…
KP Foods UK
PO Box 4
Ashby-de-la-Zouch
Leicestershire
LE65 2UQ
7th March 2002
Dear Mr Person at KP Foods UK (makers of the humble
nut),
I are writing with reference to an incident that occurred
recently involving one of your flavoured fried potato
snacks and my microwave. I feel that I should draw
this incident to your attention because it could result in a
potentially fatal accident at some point in the future and
hence would like to remove any possibility of a recurrence
of this event by informing you of what happened and hop-
ing you act on its insistence.
The event to which I make reference is the microwav-
ing of a solitary prawn cocktail flavour Hula Hoop® just
last night in my kitchen. I feel it is not necessary at this
juncture to give a reason as to why I was microwaving this
particular snack, but I am compelled to notify you of the
result of my cooking endeavours: having spent approxi-
mately 115 seconds on the maximum setting of a 650Watt
microwave, the aforementioned Hula Hoop® seemed to
spontaneously combust in front of my very eyes and, quite
frankly, scared the living shit out of me. A large flame
engulfed the microwave in seconds and due only to the
lightning-speed reactions of the parties involved (i.e. me)
was extinguished before further damage could occur or the
emergency services notified.
You can therefore see the cause for my concern. Should
this event be repeated by a not-quite-so-alert person as
myself, the consequences of such an incident may very
well be severe, to the point of tragedy. Thus, I would
strongly recommend that henceforth your Hula Hoop®
packaging exhibits some sort of a notification warning,
relaying the possible hazards of microwaving the con-
tained product. For example, “Danger: Under no circum-
stances should you microwave this product”. Though by
no means brilliant in a literary sense, I feel this statement
makes the point simply and effectively; for maximum
awareness to the consumer, I feel it should be sited under-
neath the nutritional information, perhaps, though its final
location is obviously a matter for you to decide.
I stress to mention that before you place this precaution-
ary warning on all Hula Hoop® packaging, you examine
the flammability of all the other flavours, since the prawn
cocktail variety may simply be an anomaly. I haven’t had
time, I’m afraid, to conduct research into the behaviour
of the other flavours in a microwave, but rest assured
that when I do, I will get back to you on it. (Perhaps you
should extend the research to your nut products, as well,
though that is simply a thought.)
I trust you share my concerns over this matter and will
deal with it in an appropriate and proper manner. I am
also well aware that this does not affect my statutory rights
(although I don’t know what they are).
Your reply is eagerly awaited.
Yours faithfully,
Rich W
nb - no crisps were harmed in the making of this article.

Letters to the Editor Letters must be received by 5pm on the

Friday before publication to guarentee their
presence in the next newspaper. So there.

Dear BF
At the end of February every
year the Accommodation
Office gets a lot of angry
letters. Before now I have never
doubted the Accommodation
Offices policy of giving
priority to those who find it
harder to find somewhere to
live, due to living further away
from Guildford. To me this
would suggest that students,
working a Full-Time job away
from Guildford as a Placement
would have priority over a
second year going on third
year living in Guildford with a
much more flexibility in terms
of when they work. But it
seems that this is no longer the
Dear Barefacts
I am in favour of freedom of
speech and every individuals
right to express their beliefs,
however I was shocked at the
behaviour of one of the stall-
holders in the students Union
on Thursday 28/2/02 as part
of green week. The lady in
question had a stuffed toy pig
and was giving out vouchers
for free vegan food, I would
have been interested in try-
ing this and took the voucher
as I was unaware it would
cost me much more than the
effort involved in walking
to the stall. As the voucher
was handed over the lady in
question started to tell horror
stories of meat production and
when I told her that I had in
case. I appreciate the position
that the Accommodation
office is in, but I find myself
in the same position as many
others on placement, living
more than an hour away
from Guildford and looking
for somewhere to live in
September, when people who
have not yet been off campus
one year have been given
places in halls of residence.
I think this demonstrates a
failure of the system that the
Accommodation Office has
in place, and I’m sure that I
will not be the only person
who thinks that it needs to be
reviewed.
Ben Davenport,
fact been brought up on meat
producing smallholdings I was
made to feel as if I was some
kind of evil person and acting
against nature as “humans are
not naturally meat eaters,”
apparently. If I had been able
to walk away I would but as
I was queuing to pay for veg
from the stall it was very
difficult and the lady clearly
enjoyed a captive audience in
the rest of the queue. I wish to
thank those next to me in the
queue for their support but
am saddened to think that the
students union is being used
as a platform for this kind of
fanaticism and support this
kind of action.
Anna Perry
Dear Editor
Accommodation Price Accelerator Exposed
John Geeson’s article last week about increases in campus
rents flags up an important issue for students but to suggest a
sinister plot is way off the mark.
With the agreement of Sabbatical Officers over several years
the annual rent increase has been higher than inflation because
we have a huge and important task to do in bringing our older
1960’s built accommodation up to modern standards. This
has to be financed out of rent income because the Funding
Council’s (HEFCE) rules do not allow us to pay for it from
general University income. We always set our rents with great
care, however, so that we retain our position as one of the
cheapest universities for campus rents in the south. This is
supported in the recent NUS national rent survey where we
are shown to be significantly cheaper than other south east
Dear BF - A tribute to Di-Bird
Di-Bird (a.k.a.Diane Carter)- as captain of the Women’s
Rugby Team, we felt that the rest of the university needed to
know more about you. This was triggered by your imagina-
tive mind following the setting of ‘The Egg Challenge’ which
you proposed to your faithful committee. For those of you
who don’t watch Jack Ass this was a science experiment
to determine how many hard-boiled eggs a human can eat
before chucking them back up! Bird felt that the TV competi-
tors were too lame and wanted to witness for herself just how
well the WRFC committee could do. So last Wednesday night
during Bar Pride in the H.R.B. the challenge was set…
Various ideas for revenge were planned, plotted and dis-
carded - we didn’t want to stoop to your level, so instead we
thought we’d focus on your better qualities and let the world
know about what a great person you are (your inability to
drink any alcohol without vomming up white manky stuff is
obviously excluded from this!)
As team captain you have taught us many useful things from
your varied experiences life, and we’d like to share our Top 5
of these… (kids don’t try them at home!) …..
1) Never put a Cream Egg where Cream Eggs
shouldn’t go – it’s messy and time consuming
2) Never be caught half-naked on a train to
universities in all categories of accommodation.
The article also draws attention to rents for en-suite rooms
but fails to acknowledge that many rooms at Surrey are much
cheaper. This year our rents begin at £34.65 a week for a
shared room and single rooms start at under £40. A wide
range of rents to suit all pockets is an important part of our
rent and access strategy. Yes, rents will have to go up next
year and yes, refurbishment work (£1.3 million worth this
summer) will help ensure that fewer students have to tolerate
leaking roofs and windows in 2003.
Yours sincerely
Brian Barnard
Director of Business Support Services
Richard Paxton
Accommodation Manager
Scarborough
3) Don’t go on University challenge unless you actu-
ally know something
4) For the ultimate Valentine’s night all you need is a
pair of handcuffs and a mack
5) Always piss on the opposition’s try line if they stuff
you
However, we also have some top tips for you…..
1) Leave LEROY alone
2) Flashing your tits on stage in the union more than
twice a night is cheap – and everyone has seen them
by now
3) Lying about the date of your birthday only makes
you older (and doesn’t get you any extra pressies)
4) Seducing 1st years at your age doesn’t look good on
the C.V.
But most importantly of all…
1) Never send members of the club Valentine’s cards –
you know intra club relationships are NOT allowed
Cheers mate,
With love and revenge
Apu, Eveready, Cecil, Garfield & Perry XXX
07/03/02 Feature 5

Womens History Month

BY JULIA WALKER
To coincide with International Women’s
Day on March 8th, Guildford is holding
it’s own festival to celebrate between
1st and the 10th March. These festi-
vals are taking place all over the coun-
try in order to celebrate women all over
the world.
International Women’s day was actu-
ally set up in 1910 at a women’s inter-
national conference in Copenhagen,
Clara Zetkin of Socialist International
called for 8 March to be marked as
International Women’s Day. The date
was chosen because it commemo-
rated the following historic events:
ON 8 MARCH 1857
New York women workers of the textile
and clothing industry demonstrated in
protest against their low wages and
poor working conditions.
women and the end to child
labour and sweatshops.
IN 1909
The day had been formally
recognised as ‘Women’s
Day’ in the USA. Rallies
and demonstrations were
held the following year
in Germany, Denmark,
Switzerland, Austria and
the United States. It is esti-
mated that more than one
million women went on the
move demanding the right
to vote and an end to sex
discrimination.
IN 1971
A demonstration of 5,000
women marched in London
demanding childcare, equal
opportunities and easier
access to safe abortion.

ON 8 MARCH 1907 IN 1975

Women in New York demonstrated on The United Nations for-

the anniversary to call for the vote for
mally recognised 8 March
as International Women’s Day.
There is all sorts of stuff happening
this year from concerts by acclaimed
female singers like Judy Tzuke and
June Tabor to lectures happening in
the university campus.
from her latest book called Grendon
Tales a chilling and realistic insight into
one of Britain’s High Security Prisons.
It starts at 7.30 at Burchatts Farm
barn, Stoke Park.
Saturday 9th March

Thursday 7th March. There are lots events taking place

There are lots things going on dur-
ing the day. The first is an art exhi-
bition at Guildford House gallery
called The Artist at the Wedding:
Marriage Celebrations Seen Through
A Painter’s Eyes where Hilary
Underwood will explore the idea as
to whether or not these images are
social documents or just pictorial fan-
tasies. The talk lasts 40 minutes and
starts at 1pm in Brew House.
Then at 8pm there is a concert taking
place at The Electric Theatre. Tina
May and the Nikki Iles Trio will be
performing. It starts at 8pm at the
Electric Theatre.
Friday 8th March.
The events taking place are an exhi-
bition about weddings presented
at Guildford House Gallery but this
one presents a changing look at
customs surrounding weddings in
Surrey between 1940 and 1960. It’s
called Wedding Belles and starts in
Brew House at 1pm with a 40 minute
lecture.
today, the first is a children’s show
called Very Yellow – Dance Show
For Children at The Electric Theatre,
presented by Yolande Snaith Theatre
Dance. Suitable for children from 3-7.
It starts at 11am.
The second is Electric Voices On
Stage: June Tabor. This is June’s
second visit to the theatre and starts
at 8pm.
Sunday 10th March
To coincide with Mother’s Day there
will be a traditional Mothering Sunday
Service with posies given out to all
mother, grandmothers and aunts in
celebration and thanksgiving for the
love of women who for care for us. It
starts at 10am at Holy Trinity Church,
High Street Guilford.
I went to see Judie Tzuke at Guildford
civic Hall on Saturday 2nd March. See
my review in the music section.

The second event is a book reading

by Professor Ursula Smartt, a prison
researcher. She will be reading exerts

Interview with A,
Portsmouth Pyramid
Centre, 27th February
2002
Opposite me, Brit-rock band A’s
bassist Dan P Carter studiously eats
chocolate buttons and proceeds to
glue back together a torn finger
sustained at the previous night’s
gig. Some early exchanges indicate
that the distinctly silly questions
barefacts had prepared may not be
appropriate. So it’s on with plan B;
shame; I was going to offer him a
banana.
What do A think of Radio1’s recent
turnaround in their decision to A-list
‘Nothing’?
“They’ve suddenly realised rock
music’s a viable thing for them to
be playing. Someone’s noticed they
(kids) are not all wearing Hearsay
T-shirts and slipknot hoodies. The
mainstream media has woken up.”
Which is good for A; so long the
underachievers of British Pop-metal
despite some fine early material,
perhaps the UK is finally ready for
them.
“We seem to have good timing and
good luck for once, the record’s
out at the right time, people have
listened and realised it’s fucking
great.”
Next single ‘Starbucks’ tells of
momentarily wanting to swap it all
just to work in a fast-food restau-
rant. “At Domino’s Pizza I used to
shit on the bases. Drunken cunts
come in going “you’ve got long
hair, what are you, a puff?” and you
say ‘…deep-pan, is it?’”
How about some cultural talking-
points? Pop Idol is “soul-destroy-
ingly miserable but grate TV”,
Win a copy of
“WE COULD HAVE CALLED OURSELVES ‘GOAT-
LICKING F*#KSLUTS’”
Andrew WK and the surrounding
hype “very much a British thing,
all part of the schtick”, the end of
the nu-metal scene and its “seventh
wave of immitators” imminent.
Thank fucking Christ. Things are
looking up then?
“There’s some really good British
bands out there, Lostprophets and
Hundred reasons particularly. Colin
has an awesome voice.”
Good hair too.
“Yeah. More Noddy Holder than
ATD-I though. That’s what happens
when the British white man grows a
thrown.”
Films: Mothman Prophecies, One Giant Leap Music:
Single of the Week Hundred Reasons - If I Could
Overall, times are exciting for
A; seemingly ubiquitous single
‘Nothing’ scored a Top 10 hit.
Even the press like them.
“Critics who listen to Death Metal
gave us really good reviews. People
who appreciate good quality, at dif-
ferent levels, like our record and get
something out of it.”
‘Hi-Fi Serious’ certainly seems to
be that; a more complete, consistent
stab at tapping the massive punk-
pop market. Apparently writing
duties have shifty primarily to Dan
and Mark and the result is a record
of more depth and range than previ-
Alicia Keys: A True Talent
Every five years or so, there
comes a time when a new art-
ist shakes the foundations of the
music industry: In 2001 Alicia
Keys’ was that artist.
This week barefacts is giving
you the chance to win a copy
of her Debut album ‘Songs In
A Minor’ as well as some other
goodies. All you have to do is
read the following information on
Alicia and answer the Question.
Simple, Hey
Alicia Keys’ artistic light is so
bright it could illuminate a pitch-
black room. A true musical prod-
igy whose multi-dimensional gifts
emerged at age five, the beautiful
Alicia has taken modern R&B
soul to a whole new level at the
tender age of 20.
This Week:
Album of the Week Simian - Mobile Disco
A Interview & a selection of Lives
Games: State Of Emergency
ous efforts.
One burning issue remains though.
Why the name A? So people can
find them in record stores? Didn’t
they know the alphabet past A? Dan
agrees, but is reluctant to divulge
some ‘other reason’. Oh well.
“As band names go, if we’d called
ourselves ‘Goat-Licking Fucksluts’
that would portray a certain type of
image and music.”
That would ruin your commercial
potential though?
“Not necessarily. Anal Cunt are still
selling records.”
The feeling around the dressing
room is of a band who are enjoying
Having grown up in New
York’s inner city amidst the
dominance of Biggie and Jay Z,
Alicia’s natural talents blossomed
into a rare mix of hip-hop flavor
and insightful, wise-beyond-her-
years songwriting. Coupling this
with the singer’s spine-tingling
vocal power, positively stirring
live performances and expertise
as a classically trained pianist,
Alicia Keys could be this genera-
tion’s Roberta Flack.
Alicia’s truly stunning album
“Songs in A Minor” has emerged
as both a critical and commer-
cial monster – a deep, melodic,
soulful gem of an album that
showcases Alicia in all her uni-
versal glory. Though most of
the album – including the lumi-
nous “Fallin’” and the moving
what they do.
“We’re usually pretty friendly.
Occasionally we do punch each
other in the face. Over who’s gonna
make the tea… There’s usually
plenty of beer around though.”
At this point, things get a bit hectic
so sensing our time is up, barefacts
heads off to loiter backstage and
wait for the young folk to arrive.
Wouldn’t mind one of those beers…
Michael Field & James Simpson
“Troubles” – was written and
produced by Alicia Keys, she
collaborates with Jermaine Dupri
on “Girlfriend” and with Isaac
Hayes on “Rock Wit U” (from
the “Shaft” soundtrack).
What American City did Alicia
Keys grow up in?
Answers to
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk by
Monday 11th March, 6pm.
Album
Songs In A Minor out now in all
good record shops
New Single
A Woman’s Worth is released on
the 18th March 2002
07/03/02 Single Reviews 7
have to be living under a rock not to

SINGLES hear this one everywhere you go for

the next month! Undoubtedly will go
straight in at number one. Zero for
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
EASYWORLD HUNDRED REASONS
musical ability, but for comedy value If I Could (Columbia)
Try Not To Think (Zomba) alone 7/10 D.H.

As the drum machine and short,
simple guitar lick kicks in, memories
of Elastica’s feisty 1995 vibe (par-
ticularly ‘Connection’) come flood-
ing back. However, with a catchy
chorus, ‘Try Not To Think’ justifies
itself as a pleasing, non-copycat,
Indie romp. A good start then, but
their next step will be watched with
interest. 7/10 A.S.
GOLDRUSH
The Pioneers EP (Truck)
The title track, “Pioneers”, seems
to be trying a little too hard to
target the angry youth market. The
overuse of electric guitars grates,
making a potentially chilled indie
number sound overly aggressive.
Thankfully, with “Landscape” and
“Help Yourself”, things are taken
down a notch, replacing aggression
with a more thoughtful sound. These
last two tracks illustrate Goldrush’s
potential - catchy melodies tied to
nicely introspective lyrics. Good
stuff. 7/10. M.D.S.
SHAGGY & ALI G
Julie (Island)
It was inevitable really, wasn’t it?
Ali G’s “musical” debut arrives in
time for his big screen movie debut
in March. Completely ridiculous but
admittedly very funny, sure to be a
big hit with the teeny-boppers. You’d
GOMEZ
RECOMMENDED
MCCLUSKY
To Hell With Good Intentions (Too
Pure)
McClusky play short, sharp, punk-
pop. The tunes are furiously
fast-paced. ‘To Hell With Good
Intentions’ is a great single - two and
a half minutes of pure rock energy,
complete with singalong words.
“My love is bigger than your love/
We take more drugs than a touring
funk band.” Sounds pretty accurate,
as implied from the slightly surreal
lyrics throughout all tracks. “We’re
all going straight to hell”, they say.
Maybe, but they’ll go rocking. 7/10
A.W.
LUPINE HOWL
Vaporizer (Vinyl Hiss)
Hmmm, on the basis of this Jason
Pierce won’t have much have to
worry about. ‘Vaporizer’, the lat-
est single by the ex-members of
Spiritualized is pretty much a mix
between a poor man’s Black Grape/
Happy Mondays and The Charlatans.
Ok, so perhaps it’s not all that bad.
It’s pretty catchy in some places, but
you get the feeling that you’ve heard
it all before. 7/10 P.G.S.
BUSTA RHYMES
Break Ya Neck (J Records / BMG)
Busta Rhymes tongue – flickering
These boys have come a long way since they
first appeared on the Rock horizon eighteen
months ago. ‘If I Could’ might be more som-
bre than the fantastic last single ‘I’ll Find
You’, but it still finds room for a good bit
of riffing between the gargantuan choruses.
Direct, heartfelt, and miles better than any
U.S. rock group’s recent efforts, you can’t
help thinking that we haven’t seen them at
their best yet. 9/10 A.S.
laid over a catchy but repetitive these guys have a heart of gold even SEAFOOD
accompaniment makes up ‘Break if their material seems a little out Western Battle (Infectious)
Ya Neck’. Busta has raised a dated. 5/10 M.B.
level being harder than previous, This is an example of a totally aver-
while still remaining accessible to S.I. FUTURES age record. It’s not an inspired piece
the masses. After the split from EUROSTAR (Novemute) of artistic genius, but it’s not utter
Warner’s Elektra it seems to have garbage either. The main problem
opened up more avenues, which he’s ‘Eurostar’ is S.I. Futures’, AKA with this track is that it doesn’t really
grabbing at every opportunity. The Si Begg, new single, taken from go anywhere, just repeating itself
style is not original but with such the current album ‘The Mission over and over again. If American
expressive vocals it can but please. Statement’. It is released on both High School guitar rock does it for
6/10 M.B. CD and 12” vinyl, and includes you, this may be one for you to go
new remixes by both Tipper and out and buy. If not, leave it on the
IRON MAIDEN Sven Vaeth. ‘Eurostar’ in itself is shelf! 5/10 M.I.
Run To The Hills (EMI) really cool. Yet, it strikes me that
DJs must love singles, because it WILL YOUNG
‘Run to the hills’ returns twenty means that they can fill them with Anything Is Possible/Evergreen
years after being released on the hit whatever sounds they can come by. (RCA)
album ‘The Number Of The Beast’. The ‘Tipper Remix’ is just like that.
In typical Maiden style the song 5 and a half minutes with weird The press release for this says ‘Will
rip roars through with guitar solos, sounds, not really good for anything. Young, Winner of Pop Idol 2002,
ruptuous drumming and captivating 5/10 J.K. Released 25.2.02’. ‘Nuff said really.
vocals. In their legendary rock style If anyone hasn’t heard this, I’d like
it’s hard to see why this was released EIGHTIES MATCHBOX B-LINE to know how. Pop Idol seemed to
but with an up and coming stint at DISASTER take over the world - and come on,
Brixton in aid of an MS trust fund Morning Has Broken / Alex we were all secretly addicted. How
(Virgin) many people arranged their Saturday
night around the final? (We were

Shot Shot (Hut) Hailing from Brighton and sound-
ing like Iggy Pop on his worst acid
Gomez have returned after their long break trip in the world (… ever), this
with this great single. It is the first single garage punk outfit have the honour
from their new album ‘In Our Gun’ due to be of being Kerrang’s latest single of
released in mid March. The song is typically the week. A thunderous, rolling
Gomez with great percussion noises includ- bassline and unrivalled energy levels
ing interesting saxophone lines and other are reminiscent of a psychotic rock
‘noises’ backing up the great acoustic tune. band from the decade their name
Look out for the bands first UK dates in two suggests. However, their imaginative
years this April as they are definitely worth name should not be mistaken for any
seeing going by this single. Classic Gomez. imagination in their music. Plain and
8/10 J.S. simple chaotic rock. 5/10 M.R.
a Will house...) So the single is
almost unimportant. With all the
media exposure and hype, the single
will sell a million copies in a week,
no problem. Marketing genius.
Doesn’t mean it’s any good though.
Both songs are dull, uninspiring
ballads, particularly Westlife cover
‘Evergreen’, which wasn’t very good
the first time around. Let the boy
sing something original, after all
with those dimples and his stylish
jumpers, how could he fail? 3/10
A.W.

DVD reviews
Red Hot Chili Peppers ONE LEGGED PROSTITUTES “Knitting Weekly” demonstrating this point well. Not
Prostitution Pays Well – DVD Release only these “gimics”, however, whose inclusion in the
Off The Map DVD set must surely be regarded as a sociological com-
Embracing the current trend to release DVD’s as part of ment on the obsessions of the modern world, reside here,
With all the world rushing around us,
the marketing policy promoting new albums, the One but also further great examples of the music we have
trying to find the answer to that fun-
Legged Prostitutes release their first DVD, “Prostitution come to expect from these fine purveyors of the unusual:
damental question: why Pop Idol – (
Pays Well” relatively early on in an already tumultuous “Sit Down, Shut Up and Cross Your Legs” kicking off
in the UK at least), the relentless capi-
career. Lauded by Q and NME for their “intrinsic abil- the 11 track music section, followed by “Stop Peeling
talist demon, is again up to no good,
ity to recognise a good tune” and “wayward songwriting The Grapes, They’re Meant To Have Skin On Them”
plying and manipulating stadium rock
that reflects all wrong in a drab and mediocre world”, the and “My Grandad Used to Work In Burma For The
bands and their reocrd companies with new ways to make a few more
‘Prossies are fast becoming banner-bearers for the once Children’s Guerilla Movement” all once again proving
bucks, here we have a DVD version of the Red Hot Chili Peppers 2000
unrecognised niche bands, hot on the heels of the Pale the abilities of this talented septet.
US Tour for us to gorge ourselves with. The world of back stage hi jinks
Lines and those likely lads form New York, the Strops. Again, it should be stressed that the One Legged
and on stage tom foolery reminding us that not all is fake in this mediocre
What sets the OLP’s apart from those around them at Prostitutes are in no way a fad, and should they man-
world. As you might of guessed the Red Hot Chili’s are certainitly not
the moment (except, perhaps, for the giants of the rock age to rise above the bitter resentment of those inferior
short of these pranks and it just proves how child like adults can be. ‘Off
world Television-neck and V3) is the apparent effort that around them, they will move on to great, great things.
The Map’ captures the raw essence and natural aura of the Chili’s to a ‘t’
they expend in order to communicate with their fans. Who knows – one day they may very well take over the
and is a wonder to watch; but you have to wonder about the timely fashion
This DVD is full of some of the most original ideas you mantel of the forefathers of modern pop and rock, The
of releasing the DVD, what with the forthcoming release of the next album
may have encountered: a free portion of fish and chips, Cockroaches. We shall wait and see. Rich Watts
imminent…. is it case of a little taster or another one of those fast bucks?
8/10 K.M. a lampshade from IKEA and a years subscription to
 8 Live reviews 07/03/02

Live
A-PLUS
A, RIVAL SCHOOLS,
VIOLENT DELIGHT
Portsmouth Pyramid Centre,
27th February 2002
A night of high excitement for the
kids at the pyramids, the average
audience member not even through
GCSEs, and despite the shortcom-
ings of this venue (it has carpet on
the floor, what?) the atmosphere is
expectant. Hordes of stereotypical
troubled teenagers (the skateboard
and rucksack cloakrooms must have
been bursting) sit around. Discussing
school, probably.
Proceedings open with bottom-of-
the-bill-and-rightly-so VD, a bunch
of GAP-model clones so terrible
they should offer themselves as a
handy pocket dictionary definition
of the word. Trying insatiably to
mimic their range of quite-crap-
anyway influences ‘ranging’ from
Offspring, Blink-182 and fellow
tormentors, they will deservedly go
nowhere.
Ian Brown
Southampton Guildhall
3rd March 2002
Sixty –days in Strangeways, ‘Dolphins were
Monkeys’, fucking mad-for-it; the prodigal indie
legend Ian Brown returned to Southampton on
Sunday the third of March 2002. Within half an
hour we’d been informed that he’d sold more
tickets for this gig than The Stone Roses had
when they played Southampton in 1995. Prior to
this it took Brown only three songs to single out
a member of the audience for a vicious verbal
assault – Don’t quote me but I’m not sure politi-
cal correctness is part of his mantra! Brown and a
highly accomplished backing band played songs
from all three of his solo LP releases; under-
standably most of the set was taken from recent
count was at best fair. I’d estimate only one in everyone fired up. There’s a lot talked of Ian
album: ‘Music Of The Spheres’. This gig had
four sported the legendary ‘Manc-cut’; I under- Brown’s voice at live gigs – frankly that’s rub-
the most self-indulgent outro to a song I’ve ever
stand better ratios have been reported north of bish, I only noticed he was out of tune a couple
heard; we got not one but three separate rendi-
Birmingham. The highlight of the gig for me was of times. Guitarist Aziz Ibrahim was a human
tions of the last verse of ‘My Star’. Unfortunately
a superb performance of ‘Love Like A Fountain’ light show, a truly amazing light /guitar set-up;
one half of the by-now highly charged venue
which faded out into the legendary ‘Fools Gold’ he had miniature laser pens on each finger of
erupted around this point when a pitched battle
riff. The audience was invited/told to dance. The both hands. When he played there were red-
kicked off in the middle of the crowd; Brown
set lasted an hour and fifteen minutes which was beams of light flying around everywhere! This
acted responsibly by alerting security to the inci-
exactly right. The excellent ‘F.E.A.R’ received is rock ’n’ roll as it’s meant to be – best gig I’ve
dent. ‘Corpses’ was tight but a little uninspired
huge applause and rounded off the evening in been to in a year. Alex Read
– I get the feeling he’s moved on a lot since
anthemic style. By the end of the gig Brown had
his first album. The mullet/Gallagher haircut

BLACK IS
What’s this? Some blokes resem-
frequently breaks into crazy Chrissie and Tears’… Something says this is And they’re happy to oblige, as they
bling an actual proper, REAL-LIFE
Hynde-style power-walker-on-acid going to be special night… stomp through the fantastic ‘Spread
punk-rock band? Emo types and fan-
dancing, and declares “Giles has had Some critics might say that Black Your Love’, ‘White Palms’ and
tastically-named Rival Schools raise
standards somewhat, despite former
a baby and can’t be here. So we’ve
recorded his parts on tape”. A tape
THE NEW Rebel Motorcycle Club are trying to
resurrect the spirit of the late Jesus
‘Whatever Happened To My Rock
‘N’ Roll’, occasionally slowing the
Gorilla Biscuits and Youth of Today
mainman Walter Schreifels visibly
being at least twice the age of the
which promptly goes wrong for the
start of what is eventually a rousing, BLACK and Mary Chain with their moody
rock anthems, screaming guitars,
tempo down for the more fragile
‘Awake’ and the beautifully extend-
crowd. But Rival Schools play a
shouty ‘Old Folks’. Black Rebel Motorcycle and pounding bass licks. But who ed ‘Salvation’ for an encore.
The set also features many of really cares? In a world where excel- As they leave the stage on a wave
powerful, visceral emo-rock variant, Club
the old favourites (‘Bad Idea’, ‘I lent bands like The Strokes and The of glorious feedback, we’re left
an attention-grabbing set of material London Astoria
Love Lake Tahoe’ in particular), Hives sound like The Stooges and wondering what exactly happened to
from the excellent ‘United By Fate’ 26th February 2002
then there’s the obligatory getting- Stones, it’s irrelevant. In fact, it’s their Rock ‘N’ Roll…. but gratefully
album. Closing with the shoegazing
fans-up-on-stage silliness for the about time to see more rock bands in their debt for finding ours. Andy
slow-burner ‘Undercovers On’ and It was written on the cards: explo-
chorus of ‘5 in the Morning’ before appear on the horizon that actually Smith
next single ‘Used For Glue’, this is sive debut album, an excellent NME
the encore, containing a euphoric give a damn about the music…. And
a powerful performance from this tour slot, and plenty of press cover-
‘Nothing’ and finishing with early especially one that achieves this
veritable emo super-group. age meant it was no trouble moving
single ‘Foghorn’. And that’s it. A are with the same coolness that got us
Just time to recite the alphabet BRMC’s rapidly sold-out debut
gone, their work here is done and interested in Rock ‘N’ Roll in the
and it’s A, who kick off a set laden headlining gig from the tiny con-
they can get away to play Top of the first place.
with material from new album ‘Hi- fines of the London Mean Fiddler to
Pops or whatever their new-found Three songs into the set and the
Fi Serious’. Where once there was the larger Astoria next door.
superstar status dictates. ‘Love Burns’ and ‘Rifles’ double-bill
unconvincing punk-pop schtick No messing about then, from the
Leaving the kids to go find their par- sets the Astoria alight. Both Peter
there’s now a slick, consistent and moment the lights dim, they rise
ent’s cars outside. Hayes (guitar) and Robert Turner
sophisticated feeling to the A-brand from the smoke like Ring Wraiths
(bass) stand almost motionless in
of metal-lite. in their continuing quest for Frodo
Michael Field the haze, but effortlessly invigor-
Singer Jason Perry throws some Baggins, and launch into a com-
ate the crowd, making them thirsty
fantastically cliched rock shapes and manding rendition of ‘Red Eyes
for just one more ear-numbing fix.

Epiphany to undergo a physical change or die; this feeling is clear and

unmistakable. It is as though you suddenly apprehend nature
JUDIE stuff from her new album, which
she was promoting, called ‘Queen

BY RICHARD WATTS
Deputy Editor
and have said to it ‘Yes: it is true and it is good.’ It is not
rapture, but just gladness; you forgive nothing because there TZUKE Live Secret Keeper’ but the biggest
cheers of the evening went up for
is nothing to forgive. Nor do you really love anything – oh, it two of my all time favourite Judie
is much higher than love! What is so terrifying about it is that Guildford Civic Hall Saturday Tzuke songs, these being ‘The
He was still pacing the room, so preoccupied with his own
it is so terribly clear and such gladness can overwhelm. If it 2nd March 2002 Choices You’ve Made’ and the
thoughts he didn’t even notice the arrival of another, who worldwide hit ‘Stay With me Till
went on for more than five seconds, the soul could not endure
listened without understanding. He suddenly remembered, I have to admit that queuing up Dawn’.
it and must perish. In those five seconds, I live through a life-
as though tearing himself away with an effort and only for a outside the gig on Saturday night I The set up for this tour is a lit-
time and I am ready to give my life for them, for it is worth
minute from some absorbing idea. was a little dubious, I’ve only ever tle different to her usual mellow,
it. To be able to endure it for ten seconds, you would have to
“Yes – an old woman. A married woman or just any woman? heard two of Judie’s songs so I keyboard lead sound instead have
undergo a physical change. I think man ought o stop begetting
Wait – an old married woman…I remember her. The old wasn’t really sure what to expect. 2 guitarists gave it a much rockier
children. What do you want children for, what do you want
woman will arrive but just not now. Take the pillow. What From the moment that she walked sound and I think breathed new life
mental development for, if your goal has been attained?”
now? Oh, yes – wait a minute; have you ever had moments of on stage to do the first of her two into some of the older songs. The
His listener stood there motionless, breaking the silence only
eternal harmony?” live sets (she didn’t have any sup- best thing about Judie was that she
with a single question: “how often does this happen?”
His listener did not reply. port) I knew that I was in for a seems like a genuinely nice person
Not a moment passed before his response.
He came out of his dream and – strange to say – spoke more good evening and she didn’t fail and was still taken aback by the
“Once in every three days. Certainly once a week. It lasts
coherently than he ever did. It was evident that he had formu- to disappoint the crowd at her standing ovation she received at
five seconds and it is impossible to endure it any longer than
lated it all in his head some time ago and had, perhaps, written ‘Home-coming’ gig as she called the end of the gig. Judie’s music
that. Do you remember Mohammed’s pitcher from which no
it down too. it. still remains as fresh and as vibrant
drop of water was spilt whilst he flew around paradise on his
“There are seconds (they come five or six at a time) when you It was a rich and diverse range of as ever 25 years down the line and
horse? The pitcher – that is my five seconds; it is too much
suddenly feel the presence of eternal harmony I all its fullness. music, featuring old crowd pleas- long may it continue as far as I’m
like my eternal harmony. I should be careful, but there isn’t
It is nothing earthly. I do not mean that it is heavenly, but ers like ‘Sukarita’, ‘Higher and concerned.
enough time. Farewell.”
that a man in his earthly semblance can not endure it. He has Higher’ and ‘Molly’, as well as
 Andy Booth Charlotte Dawson Denise Goodwin

Panos Kamoutsis Samantha Stevens Richard Watts

Paul Wright
 IT’S YOUR CHOICE.
Your Voice!
Sabbatical elections give you the chance to do just that – whether you’re standing for election, running somebody’s campaign, or one of the
thousands being canvassed at, if you’re a full member of the Students’ Union, you’ve the right to vote in these elections.

The people elected will be influencing your life here over the next year, in terms of how well the Union’s run and how you’re represented both
at University and at a national level. Your vote is important. Please use it!

Your Union? Right, I’m going to vote.

That’s right; the Students’ Union. Your Students’ Union: that multitagonal
What’s the system?
building near The One That Looks Like Titanic. Does some good stuff. Cheap
We use a Single Transferable Voting system where, rather than just
drinks. Busy nightclub.
picking one candidate, you get to rank the candidates in your order
of preference. For example, you might vote:
But that’s not actually what the Union’s all about. The real purpose of the SU
is making sure your point of view is Henry’s Cat 2
listened to by the University, providing welfare support, academic advice,
co-ordinating sports and social activity; publications, communications, etc. Zippy
However, all this can’t happen by itself, which is where the Sabbatical team George
step in. They are a group of six elected representatives each responsible for Cookie Monster 1
a different aspect of Union functioning.
Re-open Nominations

This would mean you want Cookie Monster to win, and if Cookie
Vote [1]… Monster doesn’t get the job, then you would like Henry’s Cat to get
it instead. If Henry’s Cat didn’t win either, you are effectively say-
ing you don’t mind which of the others gets the job (because you
Candidates may well use all kinds of publicity to win your vote, but basically haven’t given any other preferences).
your decision needs to be based on who you think will do the best job.
You can decide this by reading their manifestos on the following pages, by If, however, you voted like this:
talking to candidates, or by coming along to Hustings (candidate question
Henry’s Cat 2
time) in week 9.
If you don’t feel a certain candidate is suitable, indicate this by voting “RON” Zippy 3
(Re-open Nominations) for that role. George

Voting is taking place in week10, at the following times and locations: Cookie Monster 1

Re-open Nominations 4
Monday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres
Tuesday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres Then you would be saying that your preferences would be Cookie
19.00 - 22.00 Chancellors Reception Monster, Henry’s Cat and Zippy in that order. Then, if none of those
Wednesday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres won, you would prefer to scrap the whole election than let that stu-
19.00 - 22.00 Chancellors Reception pid hippo George win – this is indicated by RON being your fourth
Thursday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres choice.
Friday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres
When we count up the votes, we first count the number of 1’s each
candidate has. If no candidate reaches the quota required to win,
To vote, simply go along to one of the sessions above with your campus then the candidate with the fewest votes is eliminated, and his or
card, where your name and URN will be checked, and you’ll be given a her votes are re-distributed according to the voter’s next prefer-
stamped ballot paper. Follow the instructions on the paper, and place in the ence. This process is repeated until somebody reaches the quota
sealed ballot box.

Sabbs can make a lasting impact on Union and University policy – so your
vote is vitally important, whether you’re here next year or not. For more
information, talk to any of the current sabbs or candidates, or visit the Union
Hustings
website at http://www.ussu.co.uk/elections/index.asp
See the sabbatical candidates speeches at
Hustings. The candiates and thier propos-
ers will be speaking and taking questions
on Tuesday (VP Sport, VP Soc & Culture)
and Thursday (President, VP Comms and
Mkting, VP Ed & Welfare) of week 9 from
7pm.

Vote George [1] for Vote Henry’s Cat Vote Cookie M Cheap drinks available
VP Comms [2] for VP Comms [3] for VP Comms
& Marketing & Marketing & Marketing
 VOTE PANOS [1]
My name is Panos, I’m a final year Economics
student and in this year’s elections I will
be running for the position of President of
the Students’ Union. In my four years at the
University of Surrey, I’ve been an active member
of the Hellenic Society, have been a member of
Chancellors and Haris bar and catering staff,
and was involved with a previous election
campaign. All this time in this university has
taught me an important lesson. This has been
a lifetime opportunity to experience different
cultures, ways of thinking and attitudes towards
life. I have many multicultural friends from
all walks of life and owe all of this to being a
student at Surrey.
If I were elected as President of this Union, I
would like to create a safe, warm and welcoming
environment where the the students can come
together, be entertained and take part in a wide
variety of activities. I would like to make you,
the students, aware of what the Union has to
offer, not only as a club, but as an institution
as well. I wish to have further involvement in
the running of the Union to maintain the high
standards that all the students expect from their
Union: to increase the Union’s involvement
in student money issues, to augment students’
employment prospects, to further their social
and personal life through proper use of facilities,
efficient allocation of resources and enhanced
communication within the Union. Finally I
want to maintain the good relations between the
Union and the University.
FOR PRESIDENT
When I was deciding whether to run for
President, the main questions in my mind
were: do I have what it takes? Why do I
want to do this?
I found the answers to these questions and
I intend to present them to you, because
those should be the questions in your mind
Panayiotis Kamoutsis when deciding who to vote for.
Firstly, I have what it takes because I
grew up within the hospitality industry
on the beautiful island of Rhodes and
I’m finishing a degree in economics. This
means that I know what entertainment is
all about how to deliver it efficiently; I
have experience in managing a business;
I have good interpersonal skills which I
have used to great effect; I have dealt with
Proposer accommodation issues and have enjoyed
Vic Walker developing the business within a team.
Final Yr Economics, House Officer
Seconder
Konstadinos Stabedakis Secondly, I want to do this because the
Union requires a leader with the ability
MSc Water & Environmental Engineering, President Hellenic Society
Guarantors to interact with a multi-cultural society
Loizos Michaelides and fulfill their needs. I want to bridge the
Final year Electronics, GU2 Radio Presenter,
gap and bring the student body together as
Vice President, Cyprus Society
Sam Nourizadeh one and finally, I want to give back to the
PhD Mobile & Satellite Communications, former captain of the football team. Union what I have taken out throughout the
Daria Saeidi time I have been here. Let’s come together,
Final Year Electrical Enginerring student, Xtreme sports club president
let’s enjoy being students, let’s bring the
Mona Sahlabadi
Final Yr Psycology Union to you.
International Chairperson
Union Executive

What do I want to do?

Over the last couple of the years the focus has rightly been on finance and
how to get the Union back into profit. I think that now the Union is fully
on the recovery plan the focus should adjust back to the non-commercial
side (Societies, Sports, Student Welfare and Facilities). To this end I
know that the current Sabbatical team has been looking into how this
portion of the Union can continue to be improved and I want to develop
USSU into one of the top Unions for non-commercial services.
The financial situation within USSU is now stronger than ever, and there
are full time managers employed to look after the day to day running of all
rest of the newly elected sabbatical team, to concentrate on other aspects
of the Union, not just the ever present ‘beer price saga.’
The Federal link between Roehampton and Surrey has been initiated
over the last year and this is also something I want to carry forward.
Roehampton have an excellent non-commercial arm but lack when it
comes to commercial services. Building on this and sharing best practices
can not only help the us in the short term but also provide the Union with
opportunities for students to get involved; whether it be setting up a new
society, competing for one of the sports teams, or standing as a student

Who am I? the commercial services (Bars and Catering, Entertainments, Marketing

and Development). This will allow next year’s President, along with the
officer.

Hi, I’m Paul Wright, a final year

Elec Eng student; you may have
seen me chairing Student Council
this year or propping up the bar/
sofa in Chancellors. I’m also
involved with Oscar Film Unit and
Surrey Student Cinema; having
held Chair and Treasurer roles in
both societies.
Why me? Proposer:
Chris ‘the Chef’ Connor
Backers:
Culture and Events Officer,
2nd year IHTM Student,
I have been involved in the Union since my second year when I Mens Hockey Club
volunteered as a student representative on the Review Committee.
The committee looked into all aspects of the Union and how it could Seconder:
be improved as part of the effort to get the Union out of debt through Richard ‘Special’ Wainwright 4th Year Elec Eng Student,
discussions and running focus groups involving other students. Mens Hockey Club,
Club Committee Student Rep
This year I was voted in as Union Chair,
a position that has involved working Guarantors:
Cathy Marshall 1st year Music Student,
closely with this year’s Sabbatical team.
Society Standing Chairperson
It has given me a good insight into how Canoe Club Member
the Union works, what is achievable in a
year and what is not. The qualities I have David ‘Jonah’ Jones 4th Year Elec Eng,
gained from my various roles within 3rd XI Football Captain
USSU has given me the drive to provide
both the quality, and the enjoyment of James Sheppard 4th Year Elec Eng
services I have received over the past 3 Student Rep,
years to other students, no matter where GU2 Presenter
they are from or what course they study.
Rashpal Sehmi 2nd Year CIT student
OFU Publicity Officer
 Andrew Booth VP Communications & Marketing
Communications Mission Statement

I Propose:
GU2
- Continued advancements with
the GU2 radio station. Increased
awareness of every student that
there is a radio station to be both
enjoyed and involved in.
- For the station to be used as
a means of communication
between all societies and
individuals.
The USSU Website
- Maintain and strive to improve
the excellent standard of the
site, with feedback and student
input playing a pivotal role.
Marketing
I Propose:
The USSU
- Through a number of initiatives
increase the general knowledge
of the function of the Students
Union, not only as a nocturnal
hedonistic romping ground, but
as the epicentre of university
life. A place where all students
are welcome, and integration of
cultures is promoted.
- To increase the awareness
and utilisation of the sabbatical
team, who are by their very
nature there to represent and
promote every student.
My name is Andrew Booth, and I am a final year Sociologist. I am a former USSU staff member, and during my years
of employment I filled roles as diverse as commis chef, Chancellors Shift Leader and Frappe bar extraordinair. I am a
member of rugby club, have presented shows on GU2, and have submitted articles to Barefacts.
Music plays an integral role in my life. I am the treasurer of the funk society, and a wayward guitarist. The marketing
of the undeniable musical talent here at UniS would take a priority if I were to be successful in the election.
I am, however, aware that my resume may appear rather slim, and can appreciate my application being hard to legitimise.
But it is my belief that a new emphasis is essential to the continued growth of the USSU, and through mediums such as
investigative journalism, furthering economic connections with local industry, and flair, our publications can be both
indicative and reflective of the multi-national and eclectic society of which we inhabit.
My mission is the quest for excellence. It is driven by pride.
Barefacts Supporters
Linked intrinsically with both communication and marketing, I can forsee, with the correct leadership, the paper rising to Proposer: John Fassom (Fi-
new heights of excellence, with academic debate, political philosophy, sport and current affairs playing a precedent. What nal Year H&C, 1st XV Rugby
is also crucial is a paper which reflects not only our role within the wider community, but also as a society which functions Captain, Union Security, Cas-
in itself. I propose: snova)
- Philosophers Forum: a university full of scientists and artists living amiably? Seconder: Daria Saeidi
This university is a hive of free thinkers, with every one being a philosopher in their own right. However, time is precious, (Final Year Electrical En-
and few people are able to find enough of it to participate in Barefacts. Therefore I propose a forum which is brought to gineering, Union Security,
you, in the street, outside lectures, in Chancellors. Everybody has the right to comment, everybody has a voice. It is time Chairman of Extreme Sports
to here it. Society!)
- The University of Surrey sports teams are a credit to every member of this establishment. Not always perhaps in results, Guarantors:
but through spirit and determination! Increased awareness of all sporting events would be a priority. Not only for match Charlie Bolam (Final Year
coverage, but post-match ‘warm downs’ and ‘Bar-Pride’ binges as well. Dance and Culture, MAD-
Soc)
- A University Newspaper should promote every society, culture, religion and language. In a multi-national establishment Dimitris Antonopoulous
such as UniS, nobody should be seen as a minority, not even Scousers! Therefore, with the support of many members of the (Economics and Business,
international society, I propose that every nationality should be represented on a rotational basis, with items such as events, Hari’s Bar, ‘The Drink Se-
recipes for traditional foods, clothing and music being discussed. curity’)
Paul Stack (Physics, 1st
- We here are Surrey have two of the most highly nationally recognised courses for music and sound engineering. As might XV Rugby Team, USSU
be expected, this has seen some of the countries best musical minds take up residence in Guildford. The student newspaper Security)
should be indicative of that, and promotion of these local talents would be endorsed fully. Richard Wainwright (Chan-
cellors Shift Leader, Hockey)

Vote Rich Watts [1]

VP Communications & Marketing 2002/3
I’m Richard Watts (or Rich W if you prefer) - current deputy editor of barefacts and the mind behind “Life After The Womb”, as well
as many other articles, as part of my commitment to the student newspaper of UniS. The position of VP Comms. & Marketing involves
many more aspects than simply the editorship of the newspaper and it is my thoughts on these that I would like to share with you...

COMMUNICATION MARKETING

University is something we get to experience only once and,
as such, I think it should be done properly. Admittedly this
involves academic work, but equally it should involve other
(possibly fun) pursuits as well, and I feel it the responsibility
of VP Comms. & Marketing to make everyone aware of the
opportunities available to them.
As far as marketing goes - we need to do exactly that: promote
ourselves…be it to town, to the Union or to Tesco’s; basically, to
anyone that might want to hear there are a few thousand students
around with government funded cash in their pockets that they are
willing to spend on the products these people provide. We want
them to know that we are here.

Brought to you by…
PROPOSER: KEVIN MARSTON
(Final year sociology; ex-VP Comms.
& Marketing; barefacts music editor;
GU2 - head of music; NoWave band co-
ordinator; Ultimate Frisbee treasurer)
SECONDER: ARRAN WOOD
2nd year mech. eng.,
(Men’s 1st XI hockey team captain)
GUARANTORS:
REUBEN THOMPSON - 2nd year LIS
(Chair - Lib. Dem. society; Committee
member GU2; barefacts News &
Political editor; publicity co-ordinator
(joint) NoWave)
HAYLEY MILLS - postgraduate
(Sports Chair and executive)
JEENA LINDGREN - final year IHCM
RICHARD SAWYER - final year
maths
(Chair - Ultimate Frisbee)
If I am elected, both of the above philosophies will be fundamental to the way in which I will perform my duties. A few of my ideas
for their execution are outlined below.
barefacts…
…is the primary vehicle for the objectives
outlined above. For me, it is the ultimate
means of communication available and
should be exploited fully to help achieve
my goals. As current deputy editor, I feel
I am in an ideal position to build on the
progress made by others and can utilise
my experience to make the most of bf (as
well as other planned publications). This
would involve
• publication on campus and in town
• more arts & culture
• better news
I will make barefacts something you will
turn to time and time again.
GU2…
…is also a fantastic means of
communication that can be harnessed
in order to effectively provide
information and entertainment around
and about campus. In order for this to
be the case, and for GU2 to continue to
grow and prosper, I propose to
• create mass awareness of its
existence through extensive
advertising and bombardment of the
student public
• campaign and push for a further FM
license
• work closely with the station manager
to provide shows of interest to all of the
student population
Union web site…
…is a fundamental tool for providing
information, as well as a forum, for
students who are on placement. Not
only this, but it can be used to promote
and encourage communication between
each and every one of the societies at
UniS, as well as advertise the Union and
student population with ease to a larger
audience via the Internet.
• it is my aim to make sure the Union
web site provides these services.
RICH W:
*inform, entertain & promote

Supporters
Proposer:
Emma Owen (2nd Year Maths, Nightline
Training Officer, GU2 Presenter and
Administrator, Millennium Volunteer)
Seconder:
James Bellamy (Final Year Tonmeister,
MadSoc - Director of Cabaret)
Guarantors:
David Gould (1st Year Tonmeister,
Course Board Rep, GU2 Technical
Staff)
Annabel Canaven (Final Year Dance
and Culture, Trampolining Club
– Chairperson)
Vicky Thomas (Postgraduate Radiation
Protection, Women’s Rugby)
Piers Karsenbarg (GU2 – Head of
News, Millennium Volunteer, Ballroom
Dancing Society)
Sabbatical officer:Vice President Societies and Culture
The candidate
Who am I? I am Sam
(antha) Stevens. I am
a second year B.Eng.
electronic engineer.
Why am I qualified for the
job?
In my first year I started up my
own society. The Science fiction
and fantasy society, I have been
chairperson for 2 years running.
In my second year I assisted in
the setting up of Magick and
Pagan society. Also this year
I became media executive to
facilitate this role I went on to try
for arts editor and became an art
correspondent. I am involved in
a lot of societies but would like
to be in more if there was time. I
helped start the societies profile
with Jana. I am also part of St
john links and departmental
society for electronic engineers.
I am a very active member in all
of these societies.
VOTE CHARLOTTE DAWSON [1]
VP SOCIETIES AND CULTURE
Who am I?
Hi there! I’m Charlotte Dawson, a final year Music and
Sound Recording student and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed
my time at UniS. Whilst here I have been a member of
the Women’s Football Team and served as Club Captain
in 1999-2000. Also, I am a member of MadSoc, having
recently been in the cast of Cabaret, but am probably bet-
ter remembered as the Fairy Godmother in last year’s adult
pantomime.
This year, I am heavily involved with the GU2 radio sta-
tion as a presenter and news reporter, which has lead me
to contribute to the Millennium Volunteer scheme. As a
member of the Music Department, I have been involved in
various music ensembles and acted as inter-departmental
Sports Rep, forcing students to get out of bed and play
netball.
Why me?
• I believe I can do the job and further develop the
role
• As a placement student I have gained skills in
communication and organisation –
I can get your voice heard
• I understand that our university is culturally diverse
and this needs to be positively promoted
• I have held different roles in societies and can
relate to members needs, no matter what level of
involvement they may have
• University is not just about getting a degree –
I want you to leave with more
Societies and culture are often viewed as separate issues.
I want culture to be a key element of society at UniS, whilst
the societies should add to the culture of the University.
The job (as I see it)
Fulfil the generic job description and all 21 duties
related to societies and culture. Specifically
acting as a trustee of the union. Executing these
duties properly and effectively. To assist societies
self-promotion. Coordinating, organizing
events and being a link for communications
as a representative of our students union and
international societies.
What I Can Do
With your vote I can…
• Organise a Freshers Fayre bigger and better than ever
before
• Research into how to make ReFreshers Fayre more suc-
cessful
• Offer guidance to societies to make themselves visible
• Promote societies more effectively on the Union website
and make it a useful resource for placement students
• Re-establish skills and training courses, but focusing on
key skills
• Promote societies and culture beyond the Union
• Expand the Millennium Volunteer scheme to encompass
more societies
• Allow students to have more input into cultural events on
campus
• Represent the interests of all international, mature, place-
ment, post-graduate and part-time students, plus the
varied cultural groups at UniS
• Encourage multicultural participation by opening up
International week to a wider audience
• Work within the Federation with Roehampton to share
ideas and bring together societies from both institutions
• Investigate other Universities in order to develop our
Union
I will look after the needs of all students AND promote the
University and its diversity. Students from all backgrounds have
so much to share with their University community. You do not need
to go to Union House to be involved. If you vote for me, I don’t
want to spend my year sitting behind a desk; I want to solve your
problems with you. These can be the best years of your life, make
sure you get the most out of them.
Live YOUR life at UniS
Manifesto: -A public declaration issued
by an individual whose proceedings are of
public importance.
• I hope to extend the foundations created
by my predecessors.
• I will continue the good work of freshers
fair, refreshers fair Arts and culture week,
international week and rag week.
• I will work for the benefit of all
societies.
• I will try to negotiate the best deals for
budgets
• I want to improve the marketing of
societies to help make them as popular
as sports clubs.
• Improve the communication,
coordination and organizing of societies
and socializing.
• Work on improving the integration of
international, part time, and post graduate
students.
Uniting the students union on issues
important to the students union.
 Denise Goodwin [1] For VP Sports
Who am I?? Guarantors

Firstly for those people who do not know who I am, my Proposer – David Jones, ‘Jonah’ – Forth year
name is Denise Goodwin and I am the current VP sports Electrical Engineering, Men’s Football, Chancellors
for USSU. As an elected position I was honored to have Bod.
been voted in to take up the opportunity, and challenge, Seconder – Paul David Stack, ‘Stack’ – Second
to push Surrey sport forward. This position has given me Year Biochemistry, Men’s Rugby Club Chair
the opportunity to see sport from a different angle, to see
how much effort and commitment is put into Surrey sport Guarantors
by so many different people, to ensure the students have Colin Roope – First year CIS, Golf club superstar,
as many opportunities as possible. Within my current USSU security
year I have successfully helped to put in place a more Hayley Mills – Postgraduate Psychology Student,
streamlined administration system. One of my main aims Sports Chair, Women’s Badminton Captain
for a second term would be to strengthen this, changing the Erica Denman ‘Cheeks’ – Final Year Mathematics
way things are administered - to ensure future years have Student, Women’s Football Captain
more opportunities than what may have been previously Nadeem Samaka – First year French and Economics
possible. student, Men’s Football

Why a second term??
When you are first flung into the workings of the
union, it takes a long time simply to get to grips with
the new job, let alone the whole system that you work
within. A year is in fact a very short time to achieve
everything that you would like to. Now that I know
the job, I would be able to spend the summer work-
ing towards projects that take the kind of time and
commitment that is not available during term time.
I want to work towards building links within commu-
nity projects so that students have the opportunities
to par-take in coaching courses, referees courses,
and also helping to attain volunteer awards through
sport. This is also an excellent way for students to
earn money should awards be attained!!
Club Benefits??
I would also work closely with clubs to help them
gain a good level of workings within the committees
– ensuring that handovers from year to year run
more smoothly than ever. I don’t believe that one
individual should be running a club on their own, and
although it does take some commitment – a well run
club is usually the one with a good structured com-
mittee. For those clubs who currently lack this struc-
ture I would spend time working with them, so that
when it comes to future committees they will know
the ‘state of play’, so to speak.
Sport for all…
One of those lines that generally lacks meaning, but I
want to show that this is not the case here at Surrey.
It is often assumed that there are cliques within uni-
versity sports clubs – but I want to help prove that
this is not the case by getting new and existing stu-
dents along to see for themselves!! The main thing I
want to do is increase participation in clubs – making
sure EVERYONE is made welcome to their chosen
sport. For me getting involved in a club like women’s
football club was the doorway to meeting new people
– as well as a good escape route from the pressures
of that heavy workload!
So what’s left??
Well its hard to get in all what needs to be said, but
to conclude… I will be keeping up my work regarding
Wednesday afternoons, ensuring that when timeta-
bling is carried out for the next academic year, it is
understood within senate house how important free
time for student activities are for self enhancement
and stress relief from studies. I already sit on a com-
mittee within BUSA, and I plan to go one step further
and go for a higher position, which will not only help
to raise Surrey’s profile within the organization, but
also give us a greater voice within the structure
organization.
VOTE FOR ME BABY ONE
MORE TIME!!!

Welfare – how can I help Education – what will I do

you? for you?
• Liaise with relevant bodies (council, police and
university) to ensure optimum safety conditions for • Campaign against fees! This is an ongoing battle
students, particularly concerning lighting and bus and I will be supporting the NUS in their action (and
travel in and around university sites. encouraging you all to attend rallies too).
• Campaign to relevant bodies for consideration for • Investigate which departments have not implemented
disabled students during future planning of university the ‘parenting system’ or course representatives
sites. and encourage them to do so, as they would be highly
• Investigate the reinstatement of a nursery facility for useful to their students.
students and staff of the university. • Represent students during academic appeals and
• Involve myself in the potential development of the provide support when students have educational
Union building. I am very keen to see the Student problems at the university.
Advice and Information Service brought into the • Co-ordinate, train and support course representatives
Union. and senior residents.
• Ensure the success of the soon-to-be Jobshop at the
Union. This will be a valuable resource for preventing
student poverty. Toni’s Supporters
• Attend University Committees on your behalf so
your views may be considered during planning and Proposer: Tina Waller – 2nd Year Psychology,
decision making. Social Sec. Breakdance
Society.

As a Sabbatical Officer
would be delighted to…
– I
• Work with the other Sabbatical
Officers to act on students’
needs.
• Get involved in the redevelopment
of the non-commercial services
in the Union building.
Be available for a friendly chat
any time you need me for anything.
That’s what being a Sabbatical
Officer is all about. Like I said, you
don’t have to deal with anything by
yourself.
Who’s Toni? Seconder: Colin Roope – 1st year computing
information and technology, Vice Captain
Golf Club, USSU Security.
Hi! I’m Toni Borneo. I’m just about to finish second year Psychology so
next year is the perfect chance to devote my time to representing you in
whatever way you might need. Guarantors:
1. Jim Sharp – Elec. Eng, USSU bar staff,
During my 21 years, I have learned a great deal about keeping calm when
my support is needed. I have several years’ experience working in a retail mountaineering club, mountain biking
club.
team, advising customers on cooking utensils and organic cosmetics
(different companies!), so I’m more than happy to put heads together with 2. Jess Alldis, 2nd Year Economics.
others to put ideas into action. I also spent my Gap year supervising a team 3. Julian Duncan – Final Year Mechanical
of volunteers whose job it was to organise three sittings of two meals daily Engineering, Initiator and President
in a communal Kibbutz dining hall for 600 people, so I know about teams Breakdance Society, Christian Union.
under pressure! 4. Kevin Marston – Final Year
Sociology, BF Music Editor, ex VP
I would like very much to be your first port of call when you need a helping Comms and Marketing, No Wave
hand, be it a matter of health, wealth or happiness (not forgetting course Bookings Officer.
problems, student safety, accommodation or anything else…).
07/03/02 Art 17
COMICS : A Lover with
PARADISE IN PANELS? examine the Holocaust
Long Hair
“At the picture-books again I see”. anew (Maus was awarded
“They’re not picture-books, they’re comics – graphic novels!” a Pulitzer Prize). I love to let your hair run through my
“Picture-books!” Comics also offer a new hands
“Graphic Novels!” source for film lovers. and lie like lace upon my fingertips.
“Picture-books!” Comics have allowed
some of Hollywood’s The tracery of hair about your throat;
This is an example of a typical stimulating debate I have with Stewart most famous films to the silken lines that lie across your lips;
Fudge (1st Team Cap’n of the Slurry Slingers) when I have just purchased expand far beyond their
a new comic. As a result I have decided to write a small article to try and screen life. The Star Wars the curtain of your hair that frames
persuade him to use the correct nomenclature. comics have explored the
your breasts;
Comics have forever been dismissed as cheap, throwaway pulp fiction. SW universe thousands
the gentle snake that winds about your
When most people think about comics they remember the camp ‘60s bat- of years before the films
hips.
man series. Comics have progressed a hell of a lot since then. The volume and chronicled the lives of
and diversity of comics nowadays is amazing encapsulating all possible Luke Skywalker et al up
genres. Essentially, the question becomes not why you should read comics, to 25 years after their film My long haired love,
but which ones should you read first. adventures ended. you grew the web that binds
Most people think that Comics only really detail superheroes. Superheroes Hollywood has increasingly been looking towards comics for inspiration. me to your touch,
form only a small part of the range. Superman and Batman are still going We’ve already had Batman films and Superman films. The Spiderman and links your fate with mine.
strong. ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ has redefined Batman making him much film is due for release soon. There are already plans to make a film of the
darker, cynical and ambiguous but still having that fantastic 50-foot penny ‘Preacher’ series and an ‘Incredible Hulk’ film is also being made Ang Lee (c) Robin Shirley 1963, 1994
in the batcave. (using a CGI Hulk).
Superheroes might not be to everyone’s taste and since the 80’s people If you thirst for fantastic stories, then look no further. Artist/writer Scott
have demaneded more darker, literary and essentially cerebral comics. Neil McCloud’s claims that “No other art form gives so much to its audience
Gaiman’s ‘Sandman’ series is one of the few comics to receive a major liter- while asking so much from them as well.” All that’s needed is a little faith Robin Shirley is a lecturer in the
ary award. Made up of 11 volumes it is an epic exploration of fantasy and and a world of imagination. psychology department who has
magic. ‘The Preacher’ series is a modern Road Movie with black humour, If you’re interested in getting hold of some comics, then you are in luck! performed and broadcast poetry for
visceral violence and epic religious myth – not for the easily offended. Guildford has a comic book store where you can get several years. The above poem was
Comics now go even further and deeper. Art Spiegelman (artist/writer) more info: written at the age of 22.
interviewed his father, a holocaust survivor about his experiences. He
then translated the story into the graphic novel ‘Maus’. By portray- Guildford Comics and Games
ing a true story of the Holocaust in comic form--the Jews are mice, the 64b Chertsey Street
Germans cats, the Poles pigs, the French frogs, and the Americans dogs-- Tel: 01483 304781
Spiegelman compels the reader to imagine the action, to fill in the blanks
that are so often shied away from. Reading ‘Maus’, you are forced to Navroop Sehmi.
 18
ALBUMS
VARIOUS ARTISTS
Door to the Souk (Wrasse)
Those familiar with the Po Na Na
experience will no doubt enjoy this
compilation of chilled, funky beats.
To call the mix of styles that appear
on this double CD eclectic would
be an understatement – tracks of
Algerian rock, Mexican rap and
psychedelic sitar sit alongside contri-
butions from the likes of Sonique and
jazz cover versions of recent dance
chart hits. Given this variety, one
might expect such an album to prove
chaotic and muddled but instead, this
soundtrack makes for fascinating and
refreshing listening since each track
is quite unique. The first CD is more
relaxed and mellow than the second,
which is in fact quite upbeat, although
in a soothing rather than an energetic
sense. All in all, a rather scrummy
selection – a pleasant surprise for
everyone [well, almost everyone]
guaranteed. 7/10 C.L.
BLOCK 16
Morning Sun Remixed (Nuphonic)
‘Morning Sun Remixed’ is just
what the title says. It’s Block 16’s
OCEAN’S ELEVEN
Soundtrack (Warner Bros)
Selected and produced by Irish champion of
dark dance mixery, David Holmes certainly
has done well here. Complimenting Steven
Soderbergh’s slick casino heist flick wasn’t
RECOMMENDED
Albums 07/03/02
‘Morning Sun’ album, remixed by
some of today’s most respected
producers. There are reworkings by ALBUM OF THE WEEK
Pépe Braddock, Brennan Green &
SIMIAN
Daniel Wang and Dubtribe, and they
Mobile Disco (Source)
all give their own twist on the dif-
ferent tracks, while maintaining the
Note to reviewer: mention eclectic choice
original Block 16 sound.
of songs subjected to remix/mix treat-
Personally, I would have preferred
ment by unconventional mentalists Simian.
less of Block 16 and more of the
This one caught my eye and then caught
DJs and producers. It’s an all right
my attention. Little known electronauts
chillout album, but it does tend to
Simian have mixed the most wide-rang-
get a bit boring. The Kost Effective
ing collection of songs I’ve ever seen on a
Mix of ‘The Land Is Yours featur-
compilation album: The Byrds, Kraftwerk,
ing Jhelisa’ is quite cool. The Pépé
Redman anyone? The premise is simple,
Braddock mix is quite fun, featuring
Simian’s Mobile Disco (live DJ set – they
soul legend Jon Lucien. According
play other people’s music) will hit the road
to friends of mine, the Green &
on a tour of small London venues. They
Wang’s Evolusive Mix reminded
haven’t abandoned their more traditional
them of Sonic the Hedgehog.
live shows; they’re just adding another ele-
Overall it’s an all right album, but a
ment to their musical cannon. Mobile Disco
bit boring at times.5/10 J.K.
is brutally mixed to include as much as pos-
sible on one CD. Of the nineteen tracks that
ALANIS MORISSETTE
feature, few last more than two minutes.
Under Rug Swept (Maverick)
The remix of ‘Try Again’ by Aliyaah is dark
and occasionally experimental exception to
Hang on a minute. This isn’t the
the two-minute rule. ‘Try Again’ is mixed
Alanis Morissette we all know and
seamlessly into ‘Take Me To Broadway’ by
used to vaguely like. This album
Gonzales. This is a record for that majority
ain’t no repeat of the rousing
“Who like all types of music really”. 8/10
‘Jagged Little Pill’. Forget ‘Ironic’,
A.R.
‘Not the Doctor’ and all the rest,
Morissette’s new album appears not Proceedings start with ‘21 Things album goes in a similarly under- all in French, AAARGH) and a dis-
to be about memorable melodies and I Want In A Lover’, which at the whelming manner. There is one tinct lack of variety, the production
lyrics, but more about clumsy, awk- outset has a promising guitar riff, redeeming moments in the form of lever clearly getting stuck on the
ward lyrics and musical mediocrity. but there’s no climax, and the whole “Hands Clean”, which isn’t too bad, ‘Boring Bollox Ballad’ and ‘Pervy
but it’s never a good idea to buy an Pop’ settings quite a lot.
album on the strength of one good The Britney Spears comparisons
song. Especially when it’s a bit are just; decent first single complete
pants. 5/10 S.P. with saucy video, then a snowdrift
of crap ever after. As someone once
ALIZEE said, give me a double Van Gogh
Gourmandises (Polydor) and make the suffering stop. 4/10
M.F.
Ok ok so “Moi Lolita” was a good

an easy task but he has accomplished it well

here. Two of Holmes’ own tracks (now there’s pop song as pop songs go. Which
a surprise) sit alongside some humorous and is a bit like saying Blink-182 are This week’s reviews by
dark dialogue snippets, big band/swing cuts, a good skate-punk band, but the
the effortless cool of Claude Debussy, Perry fact was that it was a very passable Michael Field, Matthew Shepard,
Como and Elvis Presley. Russell of cartoon example of slightly risqué French Alex Read, Simon Pearson, Julia
band Gorillaz even pops up, albeit in his usual kitsch. Walker, Catherine Lee, Andy Smith,
guise of Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, featur- Slightly disappointing then, is that Peter G Smith, Mark Iyer, Mark
ing on Handsome Boy Modelling School’s the rest of this 17 year old’s debut Richards, Jana Kristensen, Kevin
wicked funk-fest ‘The Projects’. is poorer than a Glasgow tramp and Marston, Duncan Hills, Jonathan
Soundtracks are gratuitous and a pain in the about as sophisticated as a bunch of Swarbrick, Anna Wheeler, & Mat-
arse these days, but this is a refreshingly cool fat builders scoffing their bloated thew Badcock
and diverse selection in the vein of the fantas- guts at a curry house on a Thursday
tic ‘Lock, Stock’ score. Merits investigation in night.
its own right. 8/10 M.F. Uncharacteristically cumbersome
basslines are squelched out, there’s
the usual murmured lyrics (naturally,

GamesZone
State Of Emergency release, Grand Theft Auto III, Rockstar Games
have decided to introduce us to the world of
story of the game and to be honest some of
the most pointless and tedious missions ever.
for all those who love notion of running riot.
Anarchy rules! 7/10 K.M.
Publisher: Rockstar Games
rioting in State Of Emergency, where anything Overall, SOE is a fun packed violent game
Developer: VIS Entertainment Plc
goes and that’s saying something.
Genre: Action
Based on the old Final Fight formula of action
PlayStation 2
in a 3D world, (For those of you who remem-
ber it), State Of Emergency takes you on a
Following on the from the success of their last
mindless trip through the behaviour of rioting
in various locations around a major city where
anything can be used to cause damage. Bricks,
guns, rocket launchers, dustbins, dismembered
body parts and anything else can be used to
implement your goals of complete destruction.
SOE main mode of game play is Chaos where
you have to earn as many points as possible
in a limited time span (note to game players
– very similar to the gameplay of Crazy Taxi)
before you can move onto the next stage.
While the second mode, Revolution, is a mis-
sion based game that unravels the limited
07/03/02 Film & Theatre 19
The Mothman Prophecies

Dir: Mike Pellington

1 Giant Leap
Writers: Richard Hatem
On Thursday, 21st Feb, Jamie Catto (Film maker and
(based on the book by John A.Keel)
founder of Faithless) and Duncun Bridgeman (Artist and
Cast: Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Will Patton, Debra
Producer) visited the university to present their completed
Messing, Lucinda Jenney, Alan Bates
project, 1 Giant Leap. Equipped with a digital camera,
Cert: 12
a mobile recording studio and a vision they toured the
Running Time: 118 minutes
world meeting musicians, artists, writers and anyone else
recording music for their album and asking questions.
John Klien (Richard Gere) and his wife Mary are driving back when
Their vision was to “…capture and share with others,
Mary sees something strange and ends up swerving and crashing. At
the unique fusion of sound, image and spoken word from
the hospital it is revealed that Mary is suffering from an inoperable
some of the world’s most influential artists and musicians.”
brain tumour. She soon dies and when John is packing up her things, he
These artists and musicians included the likes of Neneh
discovers her notebook which is filled with drawings of a dark winged
Cherry, Michael Stipe, Dennis Hopper, Asha Bhosle, Kurt
monster – John believes that this is the creature that Mary saw. Two
Vonnegut and Baaba Maal. The questions they asked
years later and still grieving, John decides to go for
ranged from life, death to sex and money.
a long drive. After driving for about two hours, the
car breaks down and he goes to a nearby house for
Five minutes into the film and I thought that it would be an anti-capi-
help. He is instead confronted with a shotgun by
talist student film but I was pleasantly surprised. There were some
a man who claims that he has been stalking him.
quite inspiring responses (Baaba Maal) and some very funny ones (a
The local law enforcement arrives (Laura Linney)
famous porn star discussing her debut in the industry). The music was
and manages to calm the situation. John goes to a
fantastic – a fusion of hundreds of different sounds of many cultures,
local motel and discovers that during that two hour
it’s the kind of music which shows you how really bad and awful recent
drive, he has somehow travelled 800 or so miles to
chart music is. Only excerpts of the film was shown along with the
Point Pleasant. John soon hears of strange things
music video for their new single ‘My Culture’ (feat. Robbie Williams &
happening in Point Pleasant and decides to inves-
Maxi Jazz). The full version of the film on DVD will contain 12 chapters,
tigate. He learns of predictions which this creature
each chapter concerning a single topic. It was disappointing to see
has made and discovers that they are coming true.
only about 40 students there but if you wanted to go but couldn’t check
He receives a phone call from someone prophesis-
out their website www.1giantleap.tv for details on the rest of their tour.
ing a great disaster in Mount Pleasant – can John
prevent it? Navroop Sehmi.
The events of the film are so bizarre that really they

What’s on?
can only be based on a true story. After watching
the film I feel more compelled to read the book than
to watch the film again. The film would have benefited more from a documentary style than the flashy
MTV style which has been used by the director. The strength of the story is that it is real but apart from
the ‘based on a true story’ caption at the beginning and a few lines before the credits, the film plays like
a standard paranormal investigation film – essentially a long X-files episode. The people behind the film Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre – March:
probably didn’t go for the documentary style for fear of being put down as a Blair Witch rip-off, which is
a shame. It isn’t a bad film, just not a great one either. 5/10 Diatribe Of Love, Thursday 8th – Saturday 9th March, 8pm (£5 student standby)
Navroop Sehmi. Linda Marlowe brings her play to Guildford as part of the International Women’s
Festival 2002. Written by Gabriel Garcia Marques, this is a play about Graciela who,
on her 25th wedding anniversary, reflects on her marriage which has everything
except love. Examining her life she decides to take revenge upon her powerful hus-
band.

Damsels in Distress, Tuesday 5th – Saturday 9th March

This is not one, but three different comedies, written and directed by Alan Ayckbourn
to be played by the same cast and on the same set. Gameplan: The future looks
bleak for Lynette, but her teenage daughter Sorrel’s last ditch attempts to save them
both. Or will it cause greater trouble? Flatspin: Nothing is what it seems in this play,
as Joanna plans to seduce her neighbour but suddenly finds herself in considerable
danger instead. Roleplay: Justin Laxenby and Julie-Ann Jobson plan an introductory
supper for their respective parents. Everything must go perfectly, but then something
happens..

The Man With the Golden Pen, Friday 15th – Saturday 16th March, 8pm (£5 st.
standby)
Written and performed by Mark Burgess, this is a story about Ian Fleming, creator of
James Bond. At 42 he is getting married, and he is terrified! A brilliant performance
by Burgess.

Bedroom Farce, Tuesday 12th – Saturday 23rd March

Another Ayckbourn play, this is one of his most popular and has been delighted audi-
ences in the West End, on Broadway and at the National Theatre for years. It’s a play
about problems, relationships and bedrooms.

Marry Maria, Thursday 21st March, 8pm (£5 student standby)

A chaotic new comedy about marriage, Marry Maria is full of twists and turns. As
Tom and Sarah’s planning their perfect wedding day, their life turns into chaos when
Maria arrives and the confessions begin.

The Clearing, Monday 25th – Saturday 30th March

The year is 1650 and Cromwell threatens to eradicate the Irish. An English man falls
in love with a spirited Irish woman, but he cannot keep the outside world at bay.
This huge passionate play tells of both history and love. It won the John Whiting
Award and a Time Out Theatre Award in 1993 and is well worth seeing.

------------------------------------

Theatre Reviews!
Every now and again, we in the art section receive free tickets to plays at the Yvonne
Arnaud Theatre in Guildford. Unfortunately, we seldom have the time to go to these
ourselves, but if anyone’s interested in going to the theatre and writing reviews for us,
please let us know here at Barefacts@ussu.co.uk
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07/03/02 Personals/Society Profiles 21
The Stars Wot A Proper
Astrologer Did Society Profiles:
Cheerleading
DOSTOYEVSKY: January
The library will be a place of luck for you this week. Though the fourth floor east
has become ridiculously popular with undergrads and postgrads alike (check out all
those blue thesis things, eh?) you will find room for your work and be productive.

LAWRENCE: February
It’s funny, really, because Thursday had always been your favourite day of the
Next up in our round one breaking any thing in
week. Not this week, though – the family goldfish will finally stop swimming in of Society Profiles the process!!!!
circles due to its shorter fin and die a painful death due to the cat. Be prepared for is the Cheerleading
the phone call from the folks. Society. Now, I’m not Ultimate dream for you
sure just who they personally in the socie-
MILTON: March ties activity: Not to break
Now that the calendar bears your birth month, things are a little perky for
usually cheer for, anything, Cheer for other
Miltonians: a visit to the laundry will work wonders for the self-esteem and you or if they just cheer sports teams
will be lucky enough to get the last portion of lasagne at chancellors on Monday to cheer, but I bet
lunchtime. they’re a very cheer- Worst injury: Just pains
ful gang.. everywhere after a gym-
HARDY: April nastics training session, no
Talking of lasagne at chancellors, do you prefer the HRB’s lasagne or not? There one should be able to do
was a time when I thought that they were the same, but as it turns out, they’re not. Name & Age: Rachel the splits.
Something to do with the cheese, appareantly. Kirk 19
Society activity idol: Our
DICKENS: May Position in Society: little pom pet.
Of course, at Chancellor’s, you don’t get some salad with the Italian treat, President
although you do get garlic bread, which would have to count as a positive. The Most embarrassing/amusing society
only problem is that the plate is always really hot (as that staff are always so kind to Your Best Feature: Bubbly personality and big moment: Me falling off a top of a pyramid
point out) so be careful and “don’t touch.” mouth. during a routine on the football field. I was
caught though, never hit the ground yet. It just
FLAUBERT: June What do you look for in a man: Ability to lift wasn’t too elegant.
Saying that, the chilli & chips option at chancellors was a stroke of genius. me up.
Someone’s obviously been sitting there and thought “hang on – chips; chilli. Hmm, Hidden aspects of your society: Lots of
chips and chilli.” Brilliant. The cheese as a topping was just inspired, as well. Best thing about the society activity: Being socialising at the varsity and mingling with the
stood on top of a six foot man and having a Surrey Stingers.
BRONTE: July view.
The other thing to consider about chancellors is it’s serving hours. I mean, I have Worst fear: Forgetting to put my gym pants
nothing against HRB – fabulous food and brilliant service (in much the same way Best moment for society: Coming second at under my skirt.
as you receive at chancellors) it’s just that you have to make sure you’re paying nationals in our division last year.
attention to your watch, otherwise you might miss out on a real treat. AT least with Lunchtime lasagne in Chancellors or HRB?
C’s you just turn up and you’ll be ok. Worst thing about your society: Lack of good Chancellors, has to be veggie though!!!
strong boys for us to climb over.
ORWELL: August You in three words: Loud, funny, bizarre!
One of Chancellor’s main selling points is the entertainment as well. Not so much Ultimate society dream: To come first at
the entertainment, just its reputation, I suppose. I mean, 1.30pm, any day of the nationals having done a fab. co-ed routine with The society in three words: Loud, fun, poms!
week, and it’s rammed. For all HRB is good (and so is Root’s) there just isn’t that lots of people flying through the air. Also no
“damn-I-can’t-find-a-table” feeling, is there? I remember the days of fights to get a
table at C’s. Brilliant.

HUGO: September
Now that I’ve mentioned Root’s, don’t you think it’s funny how the sign for it
looks like “Roo’s”? I think so, mainly because I know someone who has the occa-
PERSONALS
hey there drrrr - congratulations are probably my watch on Fetish
sional tendency to call herself Roo (or at least her sister does) and I can’t really
imagine it as a café/bar place because of that. You know: “are you going to Roo’s?” in order...so well bloody done on your project. night!
sounds like you’re pooping round her house and not to get some lunch. Unless Hope i’m not being a bit premature with my come on tampon, brave an outdoor session
well-dones.
you’re having lunch at Roo’s (the person) and then it’s ok.
who can’t cook for Shit? I’d like you to know
that Shit happened to like my food very much,
JOYCE: October rich - maybe you should start the left-handed thank you very much.
…and “Season’s” is quite a funny name for a place, isn’t it? I mean, not as bad as society. perhaps you could call it the “lefties
a season just by itself, like “Summer”, for instance, but still a little strange. Saying invite many people with right impish sprogs come on rob - get some guiness down you in
that, though, and leaving “Rushes” out of the silly name contest would be a trav- to educate discriminately” society (or LIMP- time for dublin
esty. “Rushes”? As in reeds by a pond or as in moving quickly from one place to WRISTED for short). that would be quite apt.
another? Either of those isn’t really appropriate, is it? more purple aftershocks for me, for me.
b.j. - complete the house-set and go for gold.
TWAIN: November hey em.
If you want to go a bit upmarket, you always have Lakeside, don’t you? Although, The ‘Miserable Sod’ is stalking the corridors,
not meaning to be picky, it’s hardly “Lakeside”, is it? More, “Just Over The Road again !!! Donson, get your bloody 5th team signed up
From the Lake” as a matter of fact. You’ll have to excuse me being picky, it’s just for tour! That applies to the 4th
I’ve never eaten there and so can’t tell you what the food is like. Presumably its arran - though we sit in the sofas, well aware of XI too!
nice, though. what we are saying to each other in our minds,
we wouldn’t change it for the world. that’s the Sicknote, do you drink from the empty cup?
ELIOT: December bitch of the matter, isn’t it?
Wanted: random photos of the
Good week. (You never get a good horoscope, so you? It’s because you’re at
jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy Monks+monkey from Fetish nite. Email them
the end, I’m afraid, and so by the time we get here, the stars have had enough with
jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy mr tea mr to
divulging information and my brain is a little frazzled from all the hard work. Sorry
tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr the USSU photomonkey!
– I’ll make more effort next week.) tea...dagnammit, listen to GU2

Thankyou to the kind person who handed in

 22 Services 07/03/02

Dr Russ says “...... Money Matters!

Recruitment Agencies
In case you’re not exactly sure
what they do, recruitment agen-
cies try to find suitable candidates
for employers. Views about their
value vary from “I wouldn’t
touch them with a barge-pole” to
“There’s no way I would have got
my job without their help”. So why
are they so controversial? First of
all, graduates often worry that it
will be expensive to use an agency.
Actually, it is illegal for them to
charge you for their services. They
make their money by charging the
employer who asked them to deal
with the vacancy in the first place.
Secondly, new graduates some-
times find agencies are rather
unhelpful when they first contact
them. This is because they are
mainly interested in people who
have experience relevant to their
client’s needs. New graduates
often don’t have quite what they
are looking for, hence the cold
shoulder.
Fortunately, University of Surrey
graduates who have a Professional
Year under their belt aren’t in
this position. They have some-
thing to offer and agencies are
likely to show much more interest.
Remember, though, that they only
want to make money from placing
you. They are therefore quite like-
ly to encourage you to accept a job
offer even if you’re not entirely
happy with it.
We are often asked how to track
down agencies who deal with
particular jobs. Fortunately, there
is a very comprehensive directory
on the website www.rec.uk.com
which lists them all according to
their areas of specialism. A leaflet
in the Careers Service will tell you
more about recruitment agencies in
general. Another way to find out
the particularly active agencies is ARE YOU Companies
Trusts and Charities
to scan the advertisement pages in
appropriate journals e.g. Personnel THINKING ABOUT Local Authorities
Today or Computer Weekly. The POST GRADUATE University post graduate
chances are that the agencies adver- studentship awards
tising there will tend to specialise STUDY? University departments
in that area and you can give them Research
a ring to see what else they’ve got Don’t bank on Assistantships
on their books. receiving funding Loans
Once you have found an agency, for post graduate from banks
all you need to do is get in touch. study. Competition
They may ask for your CV or ask for funding for post Don’t forget – if
you to fill out one of their own graduates is phenom- you need further
forms. They will also ask you what enal, and it is a good advice about
job you have in mind so you must idea to start looking financial or other
think this through beforehand. If for funding as early welfare issues the
you do get the cold shoulder, it’s as possible. It is Student Advice
probably because they simply much easier to get and Information
don’t have vacancies at that par- a place on a course than it is to get Service is here to help you.
ticular time for someone with your the money to pay for it. Many post
background. graduates have to fund themselves Student Advice and
Finally, you may like to know that with loans. If you are offered fund- Information Service
in some years as many as 10% of ing make sure that it covers both tui-
Surrey’s graduates obtain their first tion and maintenance.
(SAIS)
job through an agency. For me this Wey Flat 2, Surrey
is convincing evidence that they are Possible sources of funding are:- Court,
worth using.
Tel: 01483 689261
Government Funding
Russ Clark Socrates-Erasmus
E-mail student-
Careers Service Employers advice@surrey.ac.uk

Notices
The Economics Society Debate on the Euro will take
Womens Rugby AGM, Monday Week9, 8pm, GMR
place on Wednesday 13th March in AP2. 6pm, ALL
WELCOME
Police Community Partnership Group Public Meeting
- LT L, 7pm, 13/3/02 - ALL WELCOME
Euchrist - Every Thursday by Rev John Strain, 12:
30pm, Grant Mitchel Room
Sub Aqua Club AGM, 21st March, 19:30, TB13
Union cashiers office is open 12:00 - 14:00 every
Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual (LGB) Society AGM - 19th
working day except wednesdays.
March, Time & Venue: tba
Tennis Club AGM
Music & Drama (MaD)Society AGM @ 7pm Tuesday
Thursday Week 8 (7-Mar-02), 1pm
19th March
TB22
Any queries contact:
Tamil Society AGM @ 6pm Monday 18th March
surreytennisclub@hotmail.com
TB18 (tbc)

Police Community
Partnership Group
Public Meeting, LT L, 7pm Wednesday 13th March
Your chance to put forward comments, critiscism and ideas to the local police, coun-
cillors and UniS security on matters that affect you.

Do you think lighting on and off campus should be improved?

Are you worried about Student Safety?

Come Along - ALL WELCOME

Also to be discussed - The proposed new Skate park near Tescos. Work has been car-
ried out by the University, Union and local community to propose a new Skate Park to
help alleviate the problems on Campus. Come and have your say!

Civ Eng disappointed!
In this weeks intramural 5-a-side mixed soccer quarter-finals the tension has heated up. In the first match
Civ Eng A beat Real Wages in a quiet game resulting in a penalty shootout where they won 4 – 2.
The next game provided excitement, entertainment and great refereeing! Civ Eng B (possible tourna-
ment favourites) were playing Aqa. Civ Eng had much of the play but leading forward Phil could not
find the net despite excellent build up play from Cath and Sue. As the game went on Civ Eng got the
breakthrough they deserved with a Brazil-like layoff from Sue to Phil who blasted the ball home (at last).
This was not before Adrian decided to show us why he should be up for Best Actor at this years Oscars!
Then came the drama. A shot from Aqa went into the netting. With the game stopped the friendly referee
went to aid the flapping goal keeper (Adrian) who had managed to free the ball by the time the ref had
got there. Unfortunately the goalkeeper had pulled much of the netting out and the ref had to put it back.
With the refs back to play Civ Eng decided to carry on and the ref missed an apparent ball going over
head height in which Aqa’s leading female forward struck the ball home. With the match poised at 1-1 it
was down to penalties again. What about the other member of the Civ Eng team and what vital part did
he have to play! The Clough machine wouldn’t disappoint us…only his team by missing the vital penalty
that sent his team crashing out of the tournament. Sorry Civ Eng!
In the final match Lucky Lepricorns continued their good run with a 2-0 win over The Cheddars.
Next week is the Semi-finals and final and if it is anything like this week it should be controversial! See
you there.
To all you boys who train
hard and still have small
arms!!!
If you want to add real size to your arms, then it’s vital that you focus on building and develop-
ing your triceps.
The triceps (the muscles at the back of your upper arm) make up over two-thirds of your arm
size. Yet most people neglect their triceps, choosing instead to train their biceps.
Truth is, unless you work your triceps AT LEAST as hard as your biceps, you will never
develop large, impressive arms. If you want arms that fill out your t-shirt by the time the sum-
mer comes round, now’s the time to start getting serious.
Here’s what to do:
1. Train the arms using basic exercises no more than twice per week (once is often enough for
many people).
2. Use basic exercises, such as dips, the close-grip bench press and tricep extensions (lying or
standing).
3. Don’t waste your time with fancy isolation exercises, such as tricep kickbacks.
4. Use a moderate repetition range (6-12 reps) for all exercises. High reps (above 15) and low
reps (2-6) make little contribution to muscle growth.

Surrey Pride - ooh, another page of it!

Stumped BUSA League The UK Universities
By Benjamin J. Candy Champions! Breakdance
Back in November, the cricket team set off for Sussex
University to play in the BUSA regional indoor cricket
Ed Scott
Chairman, UniS Basketball Club
Mameletzis scored a 3 pointer each,
which gave the home team a great
Championships
finals. The five teams were put into two pools, one of boost. Combining the two teams, 9 of
UniS Men’s Basketball team won a the last 13 points were Free-Throw’s, :The Lazy Dayz crew (UniS’ very own posse of skilled break-
three teams and one of two with the top two in each
thrilling final league game by a single and the most important statistic avail- ers) are used to bustin’ a move or two in the cosy confines of
qualifying for the semis. Surrey got the tough draw,
point – 78-77. The game was very able was this – Surrey won. the HRB. But, on Sat 16th February, the crew were thrown (well
residing in the three-team group, along with St.Mary’s
tight throughout, and in the end the As club chairman and assistant coach, and truly) into the deep end as they competed at the first ever
and Sussex.
game was won at the free throw line, I would like to congratulate every University UK Breakin’ Championships. The event was held in
The first game pitted Surrey against the host team
with UniS scoring their last 4 points individual who has played in a BUSA Newcastle at the university. The student’s union was taken over
Sussex and having been asked to bat first, we managed
from the charity stripe. Panayiotou game for the club: Petros Alexandris for the whole day by a bunch of b-boys and b-girls, spinning,
a respectable total, thanks mainly to a solid knock from
top scored for UniS with 20 points. (Captain), Fotis Arvanitis, Marc freezing, and top-rockin’ to some funky hip-hop sounds.
Starkers and some excellent late support. Sussex then
The game started slightly edgily for Balsys, Michael Chrysochoidis, Tomi We arrived in time for the heats, feeling a bit stiff and creaky
began very positively, but competitive bowling and
both teams, with North London’s #15 Eloluoto, Carlos Gallego, Stephanos from the four-hour minibus journey. Up last, we watched the
fielding pulled the game back in Surrey’s favour and in
playing strong inside. Some tough Germenis, Alan Hopgood, Alex other crews compete. Their routines were all well choreographed
the end, a comfortable victory was registered. St.Mary’s,
refereeing decisions saw UniS go into Iliopoulos, Olli Kemppinen, Alex and packed full of tricks and stunts, pair work and group-work.
boasting two county players, were the next opponents
the team foul penalty after only three Mameletzis, Nicholas Panayiotou, We were up against some stiff competition from the start. Being
and though Surrey battled hard against a strong team,
minutes, but they reacted perfectly Ali Reda, Ono Ugbarugba & Alie inherently lazy, not quite as much effort went into our prepara-
they were eventually beaten. The first two results were
with three 3-pointers being scored in Yunkella. I would also like to thank tion as into the performance – but we pulled off a good one. The
enough to see Surrey through to a semi final against
the 1st quarter, as UniS had a 19-17 those who trained with the team, but crowds went wild when Sly Si revealed his boy-band roots with
Brighton, but unfortunately Surrey gave away too many
lead going into the 2nd quarter. The for one reason or another did not play a bit of ole fashioned bumpin’ and grindin’. In the battle, the
runs when fielding to give themselves a good enough
2nd quarter continued in a similar in the league: David Kamchis, Peter crew pulled off some wicked tricks – Joole’s ‘mills and swipes
chance - despite resilient batting by much of the team.
vein to the 1st with a very close con- Kiragu & Weikeat Loh. rocked, and Mr. T’s invert handstand was widely envied. Lardy
A disappointing result, therefore, which left us looking
test, and neither team able to exert This latest result places the Men’s – despite ‘pavement induced facial injuries’ – performed better
forward to playing some proper cricket outdoors. If you
any kind of authority on the score. Basketball team in an exclusive group than ever under pressure, and Bobby Steels threw some decent
want to join in, then do so: Cricket Nets are 7.30pm
Towards the end of the 2nd quarter alongside American Football and 1990’s. Unfortunately the crew – being so gentile, sweet and
– 10.30pm on Sundays at Unisport.
UniS began to slowly pull away, and Women’s Netball 1sts as the only thoroughly lovely – lacked ‘attitude’, were far too friendly to

Frisbee - cont. from page 16 finished the half 40-33 up.

Ultimate a Surrey team has ever offered, 11th place was
our proud finishing position.
But the pride does not end there, for we have not men-
tioned the second team. That’s right – those poor fellows
whose spirits had been crushed so ruthlessly by nasty
opponents the next day soon regrouped, and with a per-
formance that far outshone that of their virginal predeces-
sors the year before, they registered a victory to end up
in a very respectable 17th position. The glory not ending
there, however, for the little blighters, because they were
awarded the sporting “spirit” award too, in view of their
excellent gamesmanship during the matches, and so it
was that Slurrey Slingers had their first piece of silver-
ware: a nice, though somewhat on the small side, trophy.
We drank from it as all proper victors should; admired it
as it sat in the middle of the table as we celebrated and
then we all took it home and slept with it. My goodness
– we have fun.
At one point in the 3rd quarter
UniS were ahead by as many as 14
points, but it was at this point that
North London staged their comeback,
gradually chipping away at the lead,
to finish only 4 behind with the last
quarter to play. The last quarter saw
nail bighting action throughout, and at
one point the score was tied at 65-65.
It was then that Iliopoulos and then
unbeaten UniS sides, all top of their
respective leagues. Now that the
BUSA challenge is over, the remain-
ing fixtures in the season are all
friendlies, with games lined up against
the University of Sussex, as well as a
double header (alongside the UniS
women’s team) against Roehampton,
to be played in Guildford on March
the 20th.
the opposition and were ‘relieved from duty’ (a nice way of
saying we flunked out).
The crew put forward two of its best for the singles battles
– Jooles B-boy Begooles and Mr. T. Begooles showed off his
slick moves and general funky style, and was unlucky not to get
through in his round. Mr. T executed some wicked moves, but
lacked the strength and style she needed to link them together
smoothly. The b-boy who beat Mr. T in the singles round went
on to the finals where he came second.
In the group competition Leeds triumphed over hosts Newcastle
in an electric battle of wit and skill. As well deserved of the
title Leeds was, I personally feel that there was a little Northern
bias in the judging. Leeds, Edinburgh, Newcastle and Aberdeen
all made the finals, Reading and Surrey both went out. The
evening climaxed with a performance from Kella, the UK’s pre-
mier human beat-box. He inspired Duncan (our own beat-box)
so much that he practiced for 4 hours solidly on the journey
home!!! Which in itself was pretty eventful.
(Lazy Dayz is the University of Surrey’s breakdance society.
We meet up to practise, have fun, and chill out. If you are
interested in breakin’ or want to find out more just turn up on
Monday night 8.30 – 9.30/10pm at Uni hall, and speak to one
of the crew members (we’re all really friendly), or just watch
the action for yourself.)
 SURREY PRIDE
SURREY RIDES TO VICTORY SPORTS
:

By Maxi-Babes Lovell-Hoare
PROFILE:
replaced by Basset. Just to add to the complications
Club Secretary of the day Jake-a horse and a brilliant jumper went
lame and had to be replaced by Clifford who was a ball
In the manner that Maximus came back to triumph in the film Gladiator, against unenviable exhausted after the dressage tests. This last minute
odds, the Surrey Equestrian Team came back from a low ranking competitive wilderness, substitution is the reason that Horny Harry came
to triumph in the BUSA championships. This was achieved with an all star cast-Blowy individually at fourth position as opposed to
Chloe, Foxy Philippa, Horny Harry and Randy Mandy, all of whom you will have seen first as she had been after the dressage tests.
proving their amazing abilities in the union as well as on horseback. To set the scene-Surrey However due to the combined brilliance of the
University has a very active and well supported riding club which is very successful at Equestrian Team Surrey University came first
encouraging people to learn how to ride and holding fantastic piss-ups. But the glory of for the days competition-for the first time in
winning a home championship against other universities had eluded us until now. It was history! Joint second with Wye University-
not for want of trying but we just didn’t have the right script. With the advent of Philippa again for the first time in Surrey his-
Bradly being voted in as BUSA rep. a whole new sense of dynamism came to the advanced tory, and with the individual results being
group of riders, which when combined with Horny Harry’s previous experience of com- Blowy Chloe-second, Foxy Philippa-third
petitions and that of two of our new members this year Randy Mandy and Blowy Chloe and Horny Harry-forth. This meant that
meant that for the first time we were in with a fair to middling chance of getting somewhere on account of the overall scores from the
against equestrian teams from Universities such as Kent and Wye. three competitions both Blowy Chloe Name: Billy Ball, 3 months
The home competition was the final of three BUSA competitions and was held on a bit- and Horny Harry go on to compete in the
terly cold and damp 6th of February and started out with tack and horse preparation. Rob regionals…and yes you have guessed it Nicknames: leather; round-boy; pig’s bladder.
Finnis (Club photographer) and I were being given fast on the job lessons on how to plait another first for the University.
horses tails and pick out their hooves which may sound easy but when a stubborn 3/4 ton The observant will have noted that
Best feature: my decided rotundness. Ability to
quadruped decides that it likes the particular foot that you want to pick up-to pick out- these competitions go on all day and so
get lost in a bush and puncture easily must also
firmly on the floor, the odds are a little stacked against you. However there seemed to be a many thanks to all those who came to
be up there.
sense of purpose and thrill in the stable yard that morning and obviously it communicated support us, and on behalf of the Club
itself to the horses. After a brief review of the horses for the benefit of both the Judge and may I extend congratulations to the
What do you look for in a girl ball? Nice valve
the competitors the dressage test commenced. For those of you who have not yet joined the team-a brilliant performance executed
opening. Smooth exterior and finely sewn hexago-
riding club (hint!) dressage is the skill demonstrated by both the rider and horse to perform by four truly brilliant friends.
a number of very precise manoeuvres without the aid of markers and in a variety of styles
nal patches.
To join or find out more about the
and paces. Sort of 2-d acrobatics/ball room dancing with a 3/4 ton partner who probably riding club contact:
does not want the same thing as you do, hence charm and persuasion and strong thigh mus- Rebecca (Vice-Chair) on Marital status: on the rebound at the moment.
cles all help to get a good ride. Phillipa started by showing off her great powers of memory, 07779761264
and asking for the dressage test not to be read out-obviously this was a smart psychological Or myself Max (Club Secretary) on Favourite position: rolling on the floor and getting
trick to soften up the opposition teams, as normally people have the moves called out to 07929895239 muddy.
them just in advance of executing them
(the moves not the opposition team!). Best thing about being a ball: having girls handle
Psychological warfare over and the first you caringly and affectionately.
rider from Kent came into the arena. As
it went on, through-out the dressage com- Worst thing: being kicked and generally abused
petition and with the succession of riders physically.
I realised, with growing anticipation that
it seemed that Kent and Wye appeared to Best single moment in your balling life: deciding
be making more mistakes than we were. that “new balls” at Wimbledon was not the way I
This privileged information was available wanted to go and setting out to find a better alterna-
to me as I was the judges writer which tive. Persoanlly satisfying, that one.
as you can anticipate rather helped build
up a picture of where Surrey was going- Worst injury: I had a thorn stuck in me once.
namely the top. Luckily, with a bit of puncture repair kit action, I
After lunch-the great feeding frenzy that was right as rain.
involved allowances for vegetarians and
an alarming number of Paddington Bears Sporting Idol: the ball of the ’66 World Cup. I
the team progressed to show Kent and was chatting to him the other day and he wsn’t
Wye universities how jumping should be over the line at all, apparently.
done. This was against considerable odds
as in the demonstration riding phase one Most embarrasing sporting moment: defla-
of the riders was thrown off and the horse tion. Say no more.
refused most of the jumps-this trick he
continued and had to be withdrawn and Hidden aspects to being a ball: being held
affectionately to a woman’s bosom as she

ULTIMATE IMPRESARIOS
carries me back home (see “best thing”).

Last time you were drunk and threw

BY RICHARD WATTS
Deputy Editor (and Frisbee Fanatic)
Almost one year to the day when the Slurrey Slingers made their first
ever appearance at a tournament, the first and second teams of the frisbee
flinging fun-seeking funksters of Surrey made an early-morning trek to
the inimitable delights of Brixton and its recreational sports centre – the
(somewhat unrealistic) purpose of their visit being to walk off with the
regional title and an entry card to the nationals. Spirits were yet again
high, due in part to the naturally happy dispositions of all frisbee partici-
pants and also something to do with us being fresh on the back of our
best ever tournament performance in the couple of weeks prior to the
competition. The fact that we had two teams entering was also a bonus,
as well, given that it meant at least one of the teams wouldn’t come last,
up/swam a lake: I was in a lake the
other day, actually, because of some
and so with skill, dexterity and sheer determination a-plenty, onwards we revealed, paid off. nonce who couldn’t throw straight.
marched towards the end zones. Four matches later and the first team
The first day consisted of group matches that determined for what registered third in their group: the Favourite food: grass and mud
positions each team would be involved in a play-off for the next day: chances of maing the nationals dashed, with a side serving of dog pooh.
the first team, resplendent in quite wonderful t-shirts provided by therefore, meant that efforts were con- Cat’s urine to finish it off.
Anglia Freight, were first on and delivered a performance worthy of the centrated on taking home the first piece of
adjectives “bloody” and “brilliant.” Power, poise and a little panache silverware the club had a chance of winning You in three words:
were evident for all to see and, supported by the second team from the – the plate. On;y problem being, however, that round, surreal, personi-
sidelines, a victory was soon recorded. Unfortunately for the second the crunch match (against a decidedly dodgy team fication.
team, of which many team-members were tournament first-timers, this with memners from several eral different clubs) was at
form could not be reproduced and though there were many passages of 9am on the Sunday morning and no-one, frnkly, could
good play, their opposition in the first match, and indeed for the first day get their arses into gear. Disappointment dealt
in general, proved a little strong. Words of support were uttered from with, though, culminated in some quite
first team members, who recalled the days in which they were as far terrific match play and
from a victory as a pygmy from the top shelf and that soon, as will be after some of the best Cont. page 15