wow laura, what a close read to catch my assonance. the h-h-h-h sound when one is being beaten, the sound that escapes the mouth that refuses to scream, to deny the satisfaction of "no mommy no mommy": all's that's left is that breath of refusal to 'give in'. It wasn't until i was 15 & able to stand stock still, no breath but zen breath did she stop beating me. i believe i made her feel a fool.
thanks mevedika. the first poem i wrote expressing the abuse i grew up w/ & the putting down thereof. 1 brother crazed, 'nother angry all the time, & i chose to walk away from the whole mess. i tried once to forgive & she acted as if it were my fault, so i've just walked away. have peace finally. thank God.
thanks guys. This is the first poem I wrote dealing with the issue that my mother organically hates me. And i don't think it ironic that the poem itself begins with birth. Those ARE the things that hurt a human first: going thru the birth canal...i've accepted the fact that she's mentally ill, so that makes it easier.