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In Between and Neither 
Part 4
1.
The surface I'm lying on is very cold to the naked skin of my back. To my fingers which are lyingon it, it feels like a metal surface. I feel like every bit of warmth is being sucked out of me. Fromthe darkness surrounding the bright lamp which is suspended above the surface a number of facesappear, moving in closer, though I can never tell exactly how many faces there are as I can't seem tofocus clearly, and my head feels all weird. One of the people to whom the faces belong to is holdingup some kind of tubular device and mentions something to the others about the values clearlyindicating that there is nothing unusual.Then another face to my right moves in closer and says something to me which I don't fullyunderstand, but which seems to involve surgery, and cutting and reassigning things. A sense of terror begins to form inside my chest, as I try to overcome the numbness in my head and limbs.Suddenly I find the strength to get up and get off the metal table I was lying on. Sliding off, onto thecold floor with my bare feet, it takes me a few steps to realize that I'm dragging along a collectionof tubes and wires. Pushing on, my steps become more and more stable as I hear things behind mefall over and break. People are yelling.As I begin to hear rushed footsteps behind me I increase my pace, until I am more or less running.Dashing through one dark, grey corridor after another I can begin to hear the footsteps behind meslowly fading away into the distance. For a brief moment I feel a surge of hope inside me, then Inotice the lights in front of me from flashlights and realize they are trying to cut me off. Indesperation I dodge into a corridor to my right, take a right-turn and find myself facing a blank wall.A dead end.Turning around, I can see the lights moving around the corner and towards me. At the front of themob is a single person whose face I can somewhat make out in this near-darkness. He is grinning atme, or maybe at the things he has planned for me. As terror's icy fingers clasp around my throat Isink down to the floor, leaning against the cold wall while all I can mutter is:
“
 No... please... no... not again... please... no...”Then rough hands grab me in a most painful way.
2.
Silence. Then the sensation of slowly merging with reality again as the images of the nightmare getreshuffled mentally to indicate that they are not real. There are no monsters hiding underneath the bed, or in dark rooms. I kind of wish I had to deal with those kind of monsters, though. At least theycould be dealt with with a fierce kick to the head.I notice that I have my arms crossed over my chest and my hands tightly balled into fists. As I relaxthem I brush along my forehead with one hand and confirm that I'm literally covered with sweat. Iguess I'll have to wash my pillow again today. Old sweat isn't really among my collection of  pleasant smells.Sighing, I get up as I glance at my alarm clock. Right on time, as usual. I don't get up right away,though. Instead I keep sitting on the side of my bed. I'm really not sure what to feel or think rightnow. I know what the source of the images in last night's nightmare are. They're every single one of 
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 4
Date:
2011/03/29www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 1
of 6
 
my experiences with doctors and psychologists in this country combined and filtered through mycollection of traumas until all that remains is the script for a ghastly and terrifying slasher movie,about on-par with
The Silence of the Lambs
. And I don't even like scary movies.I also know what triggers nightmares like these. I know what triggered this one. What is currentlyhappening in my life is every bit a nightmare scenario. It's apparently not enough that I getterrorized during my sleep, but now people are trying to physically harm me in real life as well.The past weeks with Catherine seemed to compensate for the things which happened with Bruce.Me getting beaten up did bring me into contact with Catherine after all, and Bruce threatening mewas more of an annoyance than really a problem. But this... I'm not sure I can go to school like this.The letter mentioned the end of this week as the limit which probably means Friday, and today isWednesday. Two days to go. Then again, explaining why I don't want to go to school won't be easy,and I don't think the problem will just go away if I don't show up this week.Reluctantly I decide to get up and get dressed.
3.
My walk to school isn't as tranquil as usual. Many unpleasant thoughts keep flashing through mymind and my steps are heavy. The closer I get to the school, the stronger grows the feeling thatsomething is suddenly going to happen to me. The certainty of merely existing seems to havevanished, and no matter how much I may have resented only existing and being kept from actuallyliving, the thought of my existence being threatened, with the ease of a candlelight suddenlysnuffed out, sends chills down my spine.When I get to the school everything seems to be the same as usual. There are the other students whoseem to ignore me as usual as well. Yet I can not shake off this feeling that something has changed.Maybe I'm just paranoid, but the atmosphere seems to be different, somehow. Heavier. Other students seem to be looking up from their conversations as I walk past, giving me strange looks. Or it really is in my mind. I suddenly feel the strange desire to burst out in insane laughter as theabsurdity of the situation hits me. One could call my situation tragic, but then again many tragediesare merely an absurd meeting of circumstances.The first class goes by without incident. Nothing happens while I make my way to the next classes.I'm almost beginning to think that whoever threatened me is going to stick to their promise and willwait until Friday before carrying out their threat. Usually bullies aren't that patient, though, so Iforce myself to stay alert. As long as I'm surrounded by people I should be fine.Lunch break starts and I head towards the infirmary to share lunch with Catherine. As I make myway through mostly empty corridors I begin to feel quite nervous and make sure I don't spend anylonger out of sight of the nearest group of students or teachers than absolutely necessary. Part of metells me that this is ridiculous, that nothing will happen to me inside the school, yet the other, more primitive part ensures me that it would be perfectly fine to start running now.To my partial surprise I reach the infirmary without anything happening. Opening the door, I amgreeted by Catherine who is tending to a female student I don't know.
“
Thank you, nurse.” The girl says.As she walks past me I try not to look at her, but something makes me look sideways anyway atwhich moment it seems like she winks at me, before leaving the room. I feel confused about what Isaw and what it could mean. I consider telling Catherine, but it just seems too paranoid to me.
“
Hi Alice, how are you doing?” Catherine asks me.
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 4
Date:
2011/03/29www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 2
of 6
 
I return her smile with a wry one.
“
As well as can be expected with everything that is going on, I guess.” I respond. “To be honest Ihave no idea what to expect and it's making me feel very paranoid.”Catherine nods in understanding. Walking over to the nearby bed she sits down on it and pats nextto her.
“
Let's discuss it over lunch, shall we?”
4.
During our lunch break Catherine explains to me that the principal more than wants to do somethingto help me, but that he is bound by the regulations of the school, and that since there are nosuspects, nothing to substantiate a threat more significant than bullying and basically nothing toindicate a real threat against me, there is nothing he or anyone else can do.While Catherine explains this to me I can feel what little hope I still had slowly take on water untilit's well on its way to the ocean floor.
“
So there's nothing I can do but wait for something to happen?” I ask, trying to keep my voicesteady.
“
There is the option of having a teacher or similar accompany you when you're not followingclasses, and I could pick you up from your house and return you there after school. The problem -”
“
It's not very auspicious, right? Questions would be raised and it might make things even worse.” I put it bluntly.Catherine sighs. “Pretty much, yes.”For a moment it looks like she is going to say something else, but then she just sighs softly andlooks absent-mindedly at the remains of her lunch. I must admit that I'm not very interested in myunfinished sandwich either at this moment.
“
It's all too familiar for you, isn't it, Catherine?” I ask, gently.Catherine seems to not hear me for a moment, then she nods slowly and turns towards me. I can seetears forming in her eyes. Putting away my lunch, I move closer to Catherine.
“
It will be fine.” Catherine says, trying her best to smile even as her voice quivers. “It has to turnout fine.”
“
Of course it will be. I won't be caught alone like before with Bruce and his mob, so the worst thatcould happen is that they tell everyone about me. And who would believe it?” I say, defiantly. Thereis only the slightest hint of the uncertainty I feel inside.Catherine nods and smiles, somewhat more steady now. I wish I felt inspired by my own words. Inthe back of my mind there is the thought that maybe Bruce and whoever else is behind this mayhave an ace up their sleeves. When Bruce managed to knock me out I have no idea what happened between that time and when I was found. If they took photos or so, that would complicate things.
“
Say, Alice...”I look up, my contemplations disrupted.
“
Yes?”Catherine looks uncertain for a moment, then seems to find her resolve again and continues.
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 4
Date:
2011/03/29www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 3
of 6
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