Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your LifeDr. David HawkinsThe Relationship DoctorCBN.com – People come in all shapes and sizes. I have no problem with that.However, when these people are in my life, and they are bona fide, dyed in thewool, Certifiable CrazyMakers, I’m no longer as friendly or hospitable.Now don’t take me wrong. I’m aware we all have our unique foibles andidiosyncrasies, and that we are called Scripturally to bear with one another’sweaknesses. (Colossians 3: 13)But, what if they drive you crazy? What if, when you’re around them, you feelabsolutely nuts? Your head spins, up looks like down, and down looks like up.You’re certain you make sense, but they twist your words to come out the way theywant them. What do you do then?Recently a woman wrote the following email to me:Dr. David,I’m thirty-five years old and every time I’m around my mother I feel crazy. Shecomplains about problems incessantly. She hangs onto old wounds and grievances,and never forgives. She sees life from a half-empty point of view, and nothing Isay will ever encourage her. I try to be a good daughter, but she drains me. Idon’t want to visit with her anymore, but she makes me feel guilty when I try topull away. What can I do?Here is a picture of a people-pleasing woman who is enmeshed with her mother, andtheir relationship appears to be toxic—that is, not life-giving, but ratherdraining and dysfunctional.In this email, the woman’s mother appears to be a Sufferer—she gets some twistedsatisfaction (secondary gain) in playing the victim. We can see the daughterdancing as fast as she can, trying to please her mother, but never being able todo so. Is she called to continue giving and giving, in spite of the harmfuleffects on herself? I don’t think so. Some things to consider are:We are responsible for ourselves and our well-being. Giving and giving, when itliterally makes us feel crazy, is not a virtue. We have a responsibility for ourtime and welfare also. Energy-drains in one area of our life detract from otherresponsibilities.We must learn to set limits on people who suck the life out of us. We can chooseto give them some of our time, and offer some encouragement, but guarding againstenabling dysfunctional behavior. We teach people how we are to be treated, andthus we have a responsibility not to continue the dysfunctional dance.We are called to carry one another’s burdens which they cannot carry themselves,(Galatians 6: 2) but to encourage others to carry their own load which they shouldcarry themselves (Galatians 6: 5). We must learn to discern the difference. Indoing so we help others while also tending to our personal needs, the needs of ourfamily and other responsibilities God has laid on our hearts.Another woman wrote this email:Dr. David,I’m in dating a man who is what you’ve called a Control Freak. He has to haveeverything his way. He is jealous about me being with my friends, criticizes theway I spend money, and nothing I do is right in his eyes. He is rigid, controllingand manipulative. Although I love him, I’m not sure I can spend my life with him.When he’s on one of his rampages, he makes me feel crazy. What should I do?