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In Between and Neither 
Part 5
1.
When the first students start pouring into the auditorium I feel the sudden urge to crawl awaysomewhere safe. I know they can't see me here in the backstage area, but I feel far beyond merelyanxious at this point. It doesn't feel right for me to be here. It's all too much... too big for little me. I begin to feel sick, as I sink to the floor where I end up sitting on my knees, while my stomach triesto find a way out of my throat. I cover my mouth with my hands as I make pathetic retching noises.Tears make their way down my face. I feel beyond miserable.Suddenly gentle hands grab my shoulders and softly pull me backwards into a more relaxed position as Catherine's voice tells me that everything is fine. For a few moments I just lie there,lying against Catherine's chest while she strokes my hair and whispers comforting words I do notcomprehend but which nevertheless seem to have the intended effect. I take a deep breath.
“
Feeling better now?” Catherine says, as I look up at her smiling face. Inside me I feel a warmsensation of gratefulness as I answer her question with a weak smile of my own and a brief nod. Ifeel as weak as a newborn kitten.
“
The event is going to start soon. Don't worry, we got everything under control. The principal isgoing to start talking first, until then I'll stay here with you, okay?” Catherine tells me.I just nod again. In the auditorium the sounds of students talking with each other and the occasionalshout has become more intense than a few moments ago. For a moment I imagine all those voicesdirected at me, ridiculing and making painful remarks. I whimper.
“
They'll soon be praising you for your strength and will want to learn more about what you havegone through, Alice. Trust me. No one could truly hate you for who and what you are.”I just nod weakly while fresh tears start flowing down my cheeks. Then, through a haze of tears Ican see the principal walking onto the stage, towards the microphone which has been placed there.After talking for a moment with Mr Kessinger he turns towards the assembled students and motionsfor silence. At first it seems like he has gone unnoticed, but then gradually the noise dies down.I suddenly realize that most of the students probably do not have the faintest idea why they areassembled in the auditorium. Part of me tries to imagine their response at the upcoming revelation,while another part of me is just grateful for the silence.As Catherine folds her arms across my chest and I lean back against her, I listen to the principal'sspeech.
“
Good morning, everyone. Aside from those who didn't make it out of their beds in time, of course.”A few suppressed snickers can be heard, as well as a few 'good mornings'.
“
Most of you are probably wondering why you have been assembled here.”Voices of agreement are raised.
“
Well, I won't keep it a secret any longer; we are here to talk about a fellow student, named AliceKingsley. In particular I... we would like to discuss some recent events and the facts surroundingthem.” The principal pauses for a moment while ripples of muttered questions and smothered
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 5
Date:
2011/04/08www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 1
of 5
 
remarks make their way through the auditorium. When the worst commotion has died down, heresumes.
“
I assume that all of you are familiar with a certain event over a month ago involving Alice?”Looking at the students, a few find the courage to answer the question.
“
We heard that Bruce beat her up!”
“
Bruce has been telling everyone that Alice used to be a guy!”I feel myself cringing at that last comment as many painful memories resurface.Many more students answer, but their words are lost in the din. I think that I'm probably grateful for that, as I close my eyes and try to relax in Catherine's embrace. I idly wonder what she is thinkingof right now.
“
It seems clear that a lot of rumours and half-facts have been making their way through the school.Allow me to rectify the facts on this particular event. Mr Kessinger, if you please?” The principalresumes.The sounds of feet on the planking of the stage, then Mr Kessinger's voice can be heard.
“
On that particular day I was walking around the school, as part of every teacher's duty to keep aneye on things, when I noticed a crowd of students walking away from the sport fields, even thoughno one was supposed to have classes there at that time. This raised my suspicions, so I walkedtowards those fields after making a mental note of who were in this group.
“
When I walked around the fields I suddenly came upon the silent form of Alice. She had beenstripped of most of her clothes and was badly bruised all over her body as well as unconscious.After covering her with my jacket I carried her to the school's infirmary, where Ms Yorke took careof her. Fortunately Alice didn't suffer any permanent injuries, other than the emotional scars of thetraumatic event.”I suddenly feel ashamed that I have never asked who found me that day and carried me to theinfirmary. I guess I should thank Mr Kessinger later. Even if I'll probably have to blush severelyconsidering that he has basically seen me naked. At least he seems to be a gentleman about it, Iguess. I smile a bit as I remember his earlier words to me.Another brief shuffling of feet commences until the voice of the principal resumes.
“
Those suspected of assaulting and injuring Alice have been reprimanded and will do best to ensurethat this event doesn't repeat itself. I hope that everyone here now has a better idea of what reallyhappened that day.”Sounds of confirming voices ripple through the auditorium. They seem less excited than before.Maybe they are feeling somewhat impressed by now. Maybe...
“
I will now let our esteemed nurse, Ms Yorke, tell you about Alice, what is truly going on with her and what her situation is. Alice would tell it herself, but unfortunately it is too emotional for her totell it herself.
“
Ms Yorke, please.”I am gently pushed forward and assume a sitting position. I look up at Catherine.
“
I guess I really should get going.” She says, smiling warmly at me. I nod meekly back in response.As Catherine walks onto the stage I pull my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around mylegs. I feel so very alone right now. On one hand I'm grateful that people are being told about my
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 5
Date:
2011/04/08www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 2
of 5
 
situation, but on the other it makes me feel so... different, as though every word of explanationfurther distances me from a 'normal' life. All these students here are normal boys and girls. The principal and Mr Kessinger are normal men. Even Catherine is so... regular. I don't know how to fitmyself in amongst it all.Blinking away new tears, I try to focus on Catherine's words, but I find I'm having troubleconcentrating with all these thoughts going on inside my head.
“
I first met Alice when she was brought into my infirmary by Ms Kessinger, as he just explained. Ihad been informed about her physical condition beforehand, as is proper. What I wasn't prepared for was the person behind the medical details, and the story she told me.”Finally giving up on holding back my tears I let them flow freely, while quiet sobs make my bodytremble. I wrap my arms even tighter around my legs as I bury my face between my knees. It feelsso good that someone is finally telling my story, yet at the same time it hurts so much, because Iknow that it doesn't have an ending yet. Not a good one at any rate.Suddenly I hear footsteps nearing my position. Quickly choking back my tears while furiouslywiping my face to erase any evidence that I have been crying, I look up to see Mr Kessinger standing there, smiling friendly.
“
Mind if I sit down next to you?” He ask. “It seems I don't have much to do at the moment, and allthis standing around is making me feel kind of tired.”
“
It's fine.” I say, the words exiting my mouth sounding all weird and choked. I look down at thefloor as Mr Kessinger sits down next to me, not too close nor too far, like the perfect gentleman. Irealize I feel embarrassed.Meanwhile Catherine is still telling my story.
“
In cold, medical facts what we know about Alice can be summed up as follows: she is intersexual,meaning that her body has both male and female characteristics. No proper medical diagnosis has been performed yet, so there is only the suspicion that she is a hermaphrodite, which is a personwith both male and female reproductive organs.
“
 Now, in the confusing world of human emotions this means that Alice has never known what or who she was exactly. Her environment didn't know or notice that something was out of the ordinary,and just assumed that she was actually a boy, as her birth certificate notes her as such, even whenduring puberty she developed a distinct feminine figure and experienced breast-growth
“
Although before puberty she had been able to just ignore her body and gender in general, she nowwas forced to acknowledge her body, and realized that she had to find out what was going on, thusshe visited many hospitals in this country over many years to find out the answers to her questions.However she could find no doctor or psychologist who took her seriously. She ended up at variousso-called gender teams who normally only treat transsexual people, where they told her that she was just a feminine-looking boy.
“
An MRI scan made at a foreign private clinic resulted in the diagnosis that she is a hermaphrodite, but back in this country this was firmly denied, and no further tests were performed. Basically atthis point Alice knows as much about her body as she did before she visited all those hospitals. Theonly thing she has gained is a severe trauma, also known as a post-traumatic stress disorder,something commonly encountered among soldiers and rape victims.”Catherine pauses for a moment. To my surprise I notice that the auditorium remains completelysilent. As Catherine resumes her voice is very soft and has a kind of sad note to it.
Author:
Maya Posch
 In Between and Neither – Part 5
Date:
2011/04/08www.mayaposch.com 
Page: 3
of 5
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