Ulysses S. Cabayao, SJ ADV.

PASTORAL METHOD
SUMMARY OF IGNATIUS' RULES IN RELATING WITH PEOPLE
RULE 1: Learning to See the Surpassing Worth of Conversation

Conversations present opportunities. We can win over people to our side through the quality of our
conversations with them. But we can also lose them for the very same reason. An attitude of attentiveness
is necessary. This attention is directed not only to the topic itself, but it is oriented and attuned to the other
person.

In my teaching experience, I found out that the best discussions usually happen after lectures,
when students approach me with their questions. The casual character of these post-lecture discussions
lead to livelier conversations that lead to greater understanding and deeper insights. I also get to
understand my students better, since the informality of it causes them to be more spontaneous about
themselves and their beliefs.
RULE 2: Slow of Speech, Carefully, and Affectionately

Speech must be thoughtful and deliberate. It reveals an attitude of care, not only to what one says,
but also towards the other person. The danger with speaking rapidly is that it makes us overlook the other
person. The focus shifts from a real attempt to communicate with another to a talk which is more self-
absorbed.

This rule leads me to be more conscious of how I often speak. I tend to speak rapidly when I'm very
excited about what I have to say. When that happens, I begin to lose sight of the other person because I
become absorbed in my own train of thought. When I was not as deliberate and careful in talking, I often
slip into situations that hurt people because of the carelessness in my expression and content.
RULE 3: Listening and Peaceful Attention to the Whole Person

A necessary disposition to be able to listen attentively is calmness. Calmness allows one to be able
to mirror clearly what the other person is saying. When one is disturbed, one is not able to listen properly.
An attentive attitude towards the other person happens on several levels. First, it involves paying attention
to the content, or to what the other person is saying. Second, it means listening to the feelings behind the
content. Third, it entails attentiveness to the actual intentions that underlie the person's statements.

Externally, I might appear as someone who listens attentively to people. There are moments,
however, that I am just as disturbed internally even as I listen. This happens when I feel emotional about
the topic, or when the topic strikes a raw nerve in me. I detect how I'm not able to listen as accurately
because my interior disposition vies for the attention that I ought to have given to the person I'm dealing
with. It's difficult to really listen when I am not calm. I become prone to misperceive what the other persons
is communicating because of the interior interference.
RULE 4: Freedom from Prejudice

Dealing with all sorts of people require an unprejudiced manner of dealing with them and a
balanced and fair treatment of whatever topic. Such a non-partisan disposition promotes understanding
and respect. Projecting a certain openness and a balanced perspective encourages the other party to be
more receptive and respectful as well.

I must say that this is one rule that I sometimes cannot successfully follow. As much as I try not to
judge other people based on their appearances, I exhibit certain reservations when dealing with people who
do not have an extensive intellectual background. I verbally put down people who share an opinion that I
find stupid. I sometimes attribute my prejudices against certain intellectual beliefs to certain groups of
people.
RULE 5: Caution with Regard to Arguments from Authority

Invoking statements that tend to put an end to conversations is a matter of prudence. While there
may be instances when authority may be cited, when such a move may offend rather than win people over,
Ulysses S. Cabayao, SJ ADV. PASTORAL METHOD

then it should be used judiciously. The benchmark for citing authority should only be in supplementing
different perspectives and arguments, but not in putting down other people.

I'm not sure if I'm following this rule correctly. I have a habit of speaking that often likes to quote
from authorities on the subject matter. That might seem snobbish and elitist for certain people, and I do
admit that sometimes I use this method to decisively end an argument or discussion. I realize how that can
be offensive, but I still utilize that just to spite people that I do not want to engage in further debate or
conversation.
RULE 6: Modest Lucidity

One should not hesitate to speak up when necessary, however, it should be done in the most calm
and humble manner possible. The modesty to provide for other opinions which might be better recognizes
that other people might see other things that I do not see.

This is one rule that I had to learn the hard way through my experience of community life.
Previously, community meetings had been sore occasions for me because when the discussion gets heated,
I also lose my temper and end up speaking in an antagonistic manner. Later on, I realized how modesty in
expression is a skill that has to be learned in order for my ideas to be heard and considered by other people.
There is also greater humility that comes in recognizing that my ideas are not exactly the best ideas and
that other people can possibly improve on my ideas.
RULE 7: Taking Enough Time

The time we give for another person is a gift that should be used wisely. One must take care that our
conversations with people should not be done in haste or in an interrupted and distracted manner. It would
be better to look for another time when we can devote ourselves fully and attentively to the other person.

Of all the rules, this is the one that provoked a lot of reflection. It's a very simple idea, but I've
realized its deep implications in terms of how much I value or esteem other people. There have been
instances when I've unknowingly sent a message that I'm not being fully present to people because I
sometimes appear to be in a hurry when talking to them, or I'm doing preoccupied with something else
when they are talking to me.