39."Does your bedroom have enough asparagus?"40."I am a meat popsicle" (apologies to Bruce Willis)41."Hey, I ordered a cheeseburger!"42."Why do we open Swiss cheese?"43."Have you seen my double barrel giraffe?"
50 ways to confuse people in the computer lab
This section is adapted from an ASCII version by the name "50 ways to confuse, worry, or just scare the bejeezus out of people in the computer lab". That's why not all of them are confusing (I only left them here to confuse people whoexpected to find only confusing things).1.Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.2.Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks atyou.3.When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work.After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.4.Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5.Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.6.Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over and over again.7.Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneaththe desk.8.Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.9.Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.10.Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.11.Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.12.Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop andcontinue typing.13.Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.14.Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.15.Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly andsay, "Oops, I forgot."16.Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease,"and scream "YES!" when it finishes.17."DISK FIGHT!!!"18.Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a greatway to make new friends).19.Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.20.If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processingtime required.21.Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive; when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.22.When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn onone of those.23.Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted wasone line.24.Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.