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Published by Caribou Lou
Caribou Lou unwittingly sets an old homeless man on fire.
Caribou Lou unwittingly sets an old homeless man on fire.

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Published by: Caribou Lou on Sep 21, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 By: Brian Gallagher
Scagway EnterprisesPresents: Caribou Lou MeetsSam the Bum
Caribou Lou was walking down the street at night, head hung low, and his hands in the pocketsof his beige coat. He had a cigarette hanging low from his lips. His baseball cap was pulled down just enough to cover his eyes from passersby. He saw a sign in front of a hotel that said, NoSmoking- Violators will be penalized. He stopped and thought, gimme a break! He felt a causebrewing up inside; thoughts of open rebellion rushed through his inebriated mind! Then it hithim...or rather a lady hit him. She was a tall old bag, and she wielded her hand bag withferocity. He could not fathom as to what had upset her.Caribou: Cool it lady, what's your problem?Lady: Can't you read you moronic, tinsel brained, shin licking, dog!Caribou: How did you know my fetish is shin licking?Lady: Ugh, says NO SMOKING!Caribou: "Huh, oh that?" he pointed to the sign with his middle finger in disdain, "That is anabhorrent fixture upon that building, for it goes against the very being of mankind."Lady: "The only thing abhorrent is your breath. It smells like a pigs ass!" She kicked himin thegroin for good measure and walked inside the building.Caribou Lou was holding his sack for a good long time until he felt his strength return. As heregained feeling in his left nad he could heard laughter nearby and saw in the distance a moundof trash with what looked to be a human head jutting from atop its peak. It lay in the middle of the street on a highway divider.He walked over to the pile of garbage and saw it held a sign that read, "Say No ToDouchebags!". Good advice, he thought, and noticed the man's face in the dim orange glowemitting from the street lamp. The man's face was covered in grime and soot and his headlolled lazily amid the trash around him.Caribou: Why say no to douchebags? he asked as he studied the mans wrinkly, dirty face.The bum grunted incoherently.Caribou: Did you make this sign?The bum mumbled something about a Salisbury steak.Caribou: Umhow long have you been out here?
The bum just gave a blank stare and blurted out laughter for no apparent reason.Caribou: "Mind if I join your protest?" he asked as he began sitting down next to the bum.The Bum just continued rolling his head around making smacking noises with his dirty chappedlips. Caribou tried politely to make him stop, but to no avail.Morning fast approached and the two sat on the divider awaiting any potential douchebags toprotest. Traffic began building up steadily producing charitable drivers who threw change atthem, although one man in a blue Saab threw coffee in Caribou's face.Caribou: "Ugh, did you see that Sam? Caribou was wiping his face with a soiled newspaper,That was a douchebag all right; I could see it in his eyes!"Caribou wasn't sure what the bum's real name was, but Sam seemed to fit so he stuck with it.Hours went by, as did pedestrians on the sidewalks of either side. They averting their attentionfrom the mound of trash infested with two derelict men with no jobs and no life. These peoplewere definitely douchebags in Caribou's eyes, for who were they to judge Sam and himself?Caribou was playing around with an empty glass bottle and was getting way too bored to sit anylonger.Caribou: Break time Sam, do you want anything to eat?Sam just sat there like a quadriplegic, with his head lolling around.Caribou: How bout I bring you back an olive loaf samich, ok? Just keep an eye on our sign. I'llbe rightback.Caribou ran across the street towards the Korean deli called Food Mart. Lou could neverunderstand why foreigners couldnt come up with more original names for their shops.Unbeknownst to Lou, the sun blazing in the clear blue sky was shining through the glass bottleLou left behind. The light began burning the newspaper covering good ole Sam. The pile wassoon ablaze and poor ole Sam was too much of a bum to escape.Caribou, in the meantime, was in the deli trying to explain what an olive loaf was; even thoughthe owner told him he didn't carry it. Behind, where Caribou was standing and arguing, was thestorefront window that looked out to the street. In plain view was the sight of a large fire thathad now consumed most of Sam and his pile of trash. There were cars slamming their breaksand people running over to the scene trying to save the bum, but with the immense heat andthe wild flames, a rescue was too risky. Instead, they tried futilely to put out the flames withwater bottles and other liquids from various onlookers who stopped. Sirens blazed from a fireengine nearing and a few police cruisers pulled up to assess the situation.

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