morning, too, and the cold, and the early light. At that time also, my heart was heavy.How bitter it is to be slowly separated from great friends! Far better make a cleanbreak and remain in solitude - the natural climate for man. And yet, in that rainy dawn,I could not leave my friend. (I understood why later, but, alas, too late.) I had gone onboard with him and was seated in his cabin amid scattered suitcases. I gazed at himintently for a long time, when his attention was fixed elsewhere, as if I wished to makemental note of his features, one by one - his bluish-green luminous eyes, his rounded,youthful face, his intelligent and disdainful expression, and, above all, his aristocratichands with their long, slender fingers.Once he caught me gazing lingeringly and eagerly at him. He turned round with thatmocking air he assumed when he wanted to hide his feelings. He looked at me and heunderstood. And to avoid the sadness of separation, he asked with an ironical smile:'How long?''What d'you mean, how long?''How long are you going on chewing paper and covering yourself with ink? Why don'tyou come with me? Away there in the Caucasus there are thousands of our people indanger. Let's go and save them.' He began to laugh as if in mockery of his noble plan.'Maybe, we shan't save them. Don't you preach: "The only way to save yourself is toendeavour to save others?" ... Well, forward, master. You're good at preaching. Whydon't you come with me!'I did not answer. I thought of this sacred land of the east, the old mother of the gods,the loud clamouring of Prometheus nailed to the rock. Nailed to these same rocks, our own race was crying out. Again it was in peril. It was calling to its sons for help. And Iwas listening, passively, as if pain was a dream and life some absorbing tragedy, inwhich nobody but a boor or a simpleton would rush on to the stage and take part inthe action.Without waiting for an answer, my friend rose. The boat sounded its siren for the thirdtime. He gave me his hand and again hid his emotion in raillery.'Au revoir, bookworm!'His voice trembled. He knew it was shameful not to be able to control one's feelings.Tears, tender words, unruly gestures, common familiarities, all seemed to him weak-nesses unworthy of man. We, who were so fond of each other, never exchanged anaffectionate word. We played and scratched at each other like wild beasts. He, theintelligent, ironical, civilised man; I, the barbarian. He exercised self-control andsuavely expressed all his feelings in a smile. I would suddenly utter a misplaced andbarbarous laugh.I also tried to camouflage my emotions with a hard word. But I felt ashamed. No, notexactly ashamed, but I didn't manage it. I grasped his hand. I held it and wouldn't let itgo. He looked at me, astonished.'Are you so moved?' he said, trying to smile.'Yes', I replied, with calm.'Why? Now, what did we say? Hadn't we agreed on this point years ago? What doyour beloved Japs say? "Fudoshin!" Ataraxia, Olympian calm, the face a smiling,unmoving mask. As for what happens behind the mask, that is our business.''Yes,' I replied again, trying not to compromise myself by embarking on a longsentence. I was not sure of being able to control my voice.The ship's gong sounded, driving the visitors from the cabins. It was raining gently.The air was filled with pathetic words of farewell, promises, prolonged kisses, andhurried, breathless injunctions. Mothers rushed to sons, wives to husbands, friends tofriends. As if they were leaving them for ever. As if this little separation recalled theother - the Great Separation. And suddenly, in the humid air, the sound of the gongechoed softly from stem to stern, like a funeral bell. I shuddered.My friend leaned over.'Listen,' he said in a low voice. 'Have you some foreboding?'
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