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A6 nationalpost.

com CANADA NATIONAL POST, SATURDAY, JULY 11, 2009

What are the three reasons we have a job?


To get the toilets washed, the beds made
and dinner on the table. — Charles MacPherson,
Charles MacPherson Associates

SUMMER SCHOOL
‘Messy Melissa’ learns the detail-oriented art of being a butler

Cleaning up real nice


In this weekly series, “In the region, he’s God,” he
National Post writers go says of meeting Alain Vauthier,
back to school to learn of Chateau Ausone in France.
something odd, interesting “So I was talking to God. He
or quirky, from flamenco was telling me that in 20 years,
there will not be any more
dancing to how to slaughter
good wine [in the region] un-
and dress a chicken. All in less we stop global warming.…
the name of education. We better drink up.”
“What do you smell?” he
asks after pouring us each a
BY MELISSA LEONG glass of Chardonnay.

A
Mr. Richard steals my an-
t 9 a.m. on Monday in swer: “Alcohol.”
a downtown Toronto “Fruity,” Ms. Evelyn says.
loft, Charles Mac- “Apple,” Mr. Brian adds.
Pherson is watching “Any herbs?”
seven of his pupils write a quiz “Oregano,” says Mr. Brian.
about coffee and cigars. Mr. Bregstein looks at my
The four women and three expression and laughs: “You’re
men, dressed in white shirts just wondering what the hell is
and grey slacks, are mid- wrong with all of these people?
way through an eight-week, “What you smell will be cru-
$10,000 course at his eponym- cial to the food that you’re go-
ous academy for butlers and ing to eat. Always buy the wine
household managers where first and prepare the food to the
they are learning how to pack wine — the best experience.”
a wrinkle-proof suitcase, how AARON LYNETT / NATIONAL POST He sips a mouthful then
to iron a newspaper and how Melissa Leong, middle left, learns how to blot out a mustard stain from instructor Bonnie Aprile, middle right. spits into a plastic caddy.
to manage a sprawling estate “You don’t have to spit but
for the rich and famous.
One student is a 38-year-old
gone through the roof. The
problem is the supply isn’t
HOW TO: BUTLER 101 I do because I am one of the
fastest getting-drunk somme-
former deejay who dreams of there. More importantly, the HOW TO KNOW IF MEAT IS READY BY TOUCH liers in the city.”
being a butler for a rock star. trained supply isn’t there.” We sample a 2006 Cabernet
Another is a woman from New We will need to be resource- Sauvignon from California.
Zealand who was recently laid ful. (In one home, Mr. MacPher- “This one is just beautiful,”
off from work in Silicon Valley. son used pizza dough to wash Mr. Bregstein says. “Ahh, you
Another is a grandmother from the walls because they were can actually get the black-
New York who works as a house painted with egg tempera.) berry, the leather … a bit of the
manager for one of the richest We will need to be accom- barnyard, the farm. You can
business tycoons in the United modating. (The Missus in one see the cow and the chickens
States. home wanted constant sun- RARE MEDIUM-RARE MEDIUM MEDIUM-WELL WELL running around.”
I am the antithesis of domes- light in the ballroom, while Open your hand Touch your index Touch your middle Touch your ring Touch your pinky
We laugh.
tic. My bed is never made. My the Mister wanted to protect and poke the finger to your finger to your finger to your to your thumb and “Very soon I’ll see elephants
laundry, my whites and darks, his invaluable paintings from meaty portion of thumb and poke thumb and poke thumb and poke poke the palm and monkeys. The more you
are all shades of grey. I own a sun damage. Mr. MacPherson your palm just the palm again. the palm again. the palm again. again. That is what drink, the more fun this gets.”
pot but it is missing the handle. says he devised a system to under your thumb. well should feel
My mother resigned herself open and close the drapes at That is what rare like. Or what chefs
should feel like. call: “A waste of LAUNDRY 101
to my habits when I was a girl certain times of day.)
time.”
and put up a framed carica- “It is imperative that the “What a horrible waste of
ture in my room that dubbed butler and household man- HOW TO FOLD A TOWEL wine,” Mr. Brian says. He pours
me: “Messy Melissa.” ager have a sharper eye for de- the 2004 Châteauneuf-du-Pape
“No mother ever tells her tails than the homeowner and onto a white linen napkin.
six-year-old daughter, ‘When is always one step ahead,” Mr. Ms. Aprile has ordered us to
you grow up, I want you to be MacPherson says. each stain a napkin: “Don’t be
a housekeeper,’” Mr. MacPher- A dead leaf hung from the afraid. If it works, it works. If
son, former butler for the Eaton Bird of Paradise plant in the it doesn’t, you’re fired.
family, tells us. “It is an honor- corner of the room and he says Start by laying the towel Fold the side closest to Fold the remaining side of Now fold the towel in half “The whole trick is to treat
fully open on a flat surface. you one-third of the way the towel towards you. (lengthwise).
able profession and it is some- he had been waiting for a con- Make sure the towel tag is over. You have now created a
the stain as quickly as pos-
thing you should be proud of. scientious pupil to pull it off. face up. towel folded with three sible. Grab a white cloth or
“Mr. Richard, what are I feel shame. A dead plant layers. towel and blot.”
the three reasons we have a has sat in my living room for I take a mustard bottle and
job?” Mr. MacPherson asks more than two years.“Most HOW TO PACK A SUITCASE write an “M.” M for mustard
his student. “To get the toilets housekeepers have a very well- and for Messy Melissa. I scrape
washed, the beds made and maintained home. It’s not a off the mustard with a butter
dinner on the table.” persona that you put on when knife, douse it with vinegar and
you walk through the door.” water, flush it under cold water,
HOUSEKEEPING 101 After school, I go home and then dab it with diluted bleach.
wash my kitchen with baking The stain now looks like a
“I have a bit of a sickness that soda and vinegar. I must have bird’s footprint and it is pink.
is that I like to clean,” Bonnie used too much because the “Not to panic, not to panic,”
Aprile, the academy’s director next morning, the counter top Ms. Aprile says.
of housekeeping and laun- looks like an archeological site While the stains are soak-
dry, says. “My mother, grand- with white, swirling fossils. First, line the suitcase with Pack heavy items such as Use lots of tissue paper to: When packing women’s ing, the students muse about
mother, my aunts, we’re happy tissue paper. shoes and toiletry kits line the suitcase, place luggage, bundle clean future opportunities.
before the more delicate between each layer of lingerie in white tissue
with a cloth in our hands.” COOKING 101 ones. Place them along the clothing, wrap around shoe paper tied with a colourful
“I want to work for George
Nothing in the classroom suitcase’s spine to balance heels, stuff into jacket ribbon for easy Clooney at his estate at Lake
is out of place. The irons are “Hello Ms. Melissa,” Mr. Rich- the weight at the bottom. sleeves. identification. Como,” Ms. Linda jokes.
aligned like readied troops. A ard greets me in the lobby of Ms. Evelyn tells us that she
rack of blazers is as neat as a the headquarters of Miele in once went for a job interview
shelf of encyclopedias. Clean- Vaughan, Ont. with a wealthy Manhattan
48 f
o

ing supplies, towels, Christofle The students are in the family on Fifth Avenue and
12

silverware, Limoges china are demonstration kitchen, peer- the Missus told her that she
all stored in wicker baskets ing into a fridge at yesterday’s would get no vacation days,
and plastic bins. creations, crème brûlée and a no sick days, “not even if your
Our instructors tell us that fruit platter, when Matt Bink- husband has died.”
we will be the custodians of ley strides in, wearing jeans, “You don’t need me,” Ms.
paintings, antiques, furniture dark sunglasses and Crocs. Evelyn told her. “You need a
and clothes that are worth mil- The 32-year-old private chef Line the bottom of the Stuff socks and belts into Pack a card that describes Number the suitcases with slave.”
lions. and cookbook author has ap- suitcase with trousers, shoes to save space. its contents with a nice coloured baggage tags, for That night, I wear a white
In this somewhat rarefied prenticed and staged under letting the legs hang over message such as, “Have a example: “12 of 48.” cotton eyelet sundress to din-
world, our instructors refer to Susur Lee and Jamie Kennedy. the outside edge. Then wonderful luncheon in ner and drip gobs of butter
us with honorifics before our He unloads a cardboard box pack the rest of the travel Bora Bora.” chicken on it. At home, after
gear with lighter articles
first names and our bosses are — a bottle of Grand Marnier, an intense operation with vin-
on top. Wrap the trouser
known generically as the Mis- vegetables, herbs, chicken, a legs over the other items. egar, water and baking soda,
ter and the Missus. striploin steak, a ribeye, a ten- the dress is stainfree.
It may seem a bit of an out- derloin. SOURCE: CHARLES MACPHERSON ASSOCIATES JONATHON RIVAIT / NATIONAL POST I’m not sure if that makes
dated art, but 24 students have “I love grilling but I need a me house management ma-
taken this program since last beer and some AC/DC to make with her butler when he told hopeless. They’re just not WINE 101 terial but nonetheless, I think
September and the academy this good,” say Brian Betsworth, her about his career aspira- paying attention,” he says, to “What we’re going to do today my teachers, and my mother,
is helping place them with em- a student. “I’m looking forward tions. qualify. “The things that I try is the impossible,” says Mar- would be proud.
ployers. to being the BBQ Butler.” In the kitchen, I nick my to stress are keeping organ- cel Bregstein, sommelier and National Post
“We now have more bil- He quit his job as an audio- palm while cutting fingerlings. ized and keeping everything clubhouse manager at the ex-
lionaires and millionaires
than ever before and as they
acquire boats and multiple
visual technician with West-
bury National Show Systems,
to be here. Last year, he set up
I ask Mr. Binkley: “Are there
people who are hopeless?”
“People who can’t boil wat-
simple. Don’t over-commit
to too much. When you’re
dealing with this high-end
clusive Toronto Hunt Club.
“We’re going to learn every-
thing about wine in one day.”
NP nationalpost.com
properties, the issue is: who is a deejay booth at an event for er? Definitely. I try to keep clientele, they don’t take, ‘No’ The day is packed with To see how Melissa Leong’s
managing all of this?” says Mr. Heather Reisman, founder and them out of my way.” lightly. But I just say, ‘I’ll try theory, lists and geography but instructors graded her
MacPherson. “The demand for CEO of Indigo Books & Music Great. my best.’” Mr. Bregstein also delights us performance, go to
people in private service has Inc. She arranged a meeting “It is not that they are I can do that. with stories from his travels: nationalpost.com/posted

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