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Alcoholism.

The underlying concept requiring definition when talking about alcoholism is add
iction. Hence, it is paramount that one understands the concept of addiction bef
ore delving into the subject of alcoholism.
Addiction can be best described in laymen terms as being a state within which on
e loses all perspective of ones priorities due to the magnetism and need for ins
tant gratification in relation to ones substance of choice. Pleasure is a key co
mponent to addiction in that one requires some ‘reward’ to balance the possible nega
tive effects of substance use and abuse. Addiction can be dependence on a substa
nce (alcohol) or activity (gambling etc.). Absence of the substance or activity
results in a state of physical and emotional discomfort which we refer to as wit
hdrawal. Addicts face very strong cravings which can result in them resorting to
any means, illegal or otherwise, in order to satisfy the craving. As an individ
ual develops the addiction, tolerance to the substance develops. Hence, the indi
vidual requires more of the substance to satisfy the craving. After a while the
addictive behaviour becomes a way of life and the individual begins to believe t
hat he or she knows no other way of coping with the stresses of living.
There are many physiological and psychological elements to substance abuse. Rese
arch indicates that some individuals do become physiologically attached to a sub
stance whereas others do not. For instance, two friends may try alcohol; one may
be immune to its charms while another may become hooked onto the substance. Psy
chological components to alcohol can be understood from two perspectives, one be
ing the stress management and the other the self medication. In regard to stress
management, the consumption of alcohol can be a means of trying to attain some
relaxation, while self medication is a means of alleviating the symptoms of more
serious psychological disorders. For instance, many alcoholics are known to be
suffering from an underlying depression.
It is important to remember that all consumption of alcohol results in intoxicat
ion.
Recreational drinking- is when an individual drinks in the company of friends as
a means of socialising and does not experience an overwhelming craving to drink
until completely drunk.
Alcohol abuse is when an individual drinks alcohol in excess until drunk, but ha
s not as yet developed dependence on the substance. As mentioned above, some ind
ividuals never develop dependence while others do on the first drink.
Binge drinking is a form of alcoholism whereby an individual craves alcohol at c
ertain times of the week or on weekends only and then cannot stop drinking until
drunk. These individuals are technically alcoholics but are able to keep in man
y instances, good jobs, produce work within the community, and support themselve
s and their families some of the time but drink alcohol until drunk when no dema
nds are being made on them, for instance late at night or on weekends.
Alcoholism is when an individual craves alcohol and drinks alcohol whenever and
wherever possible and when drinking drinks until drunk on a regular basis. This
individual experiences withdrawal when deprived of drink and has developed a tol
erance for and a dependence on alcohol.
If your partner drinks until drunk on a regular basis then he or she has a probl
em with alcohol. Alcohol is an addictive substance and therefore has the potenti
al to become a problem for anybody so moderation, discipline and self regulation
are necessary attributes that will help prevent ones drinking habits developing
into that of an alcoholic.
The CAGE questionnaire can be used to assess ones drinking. I adapted it here to
assist you assess your partner determine a problem. Do you often feel he should
Cut down on his drinking? Do you feel Annoyed with his drinking? Does he feel G
uilty about drinking? And does he drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener)?
In addition, it is important in a relationship to note ones partners’ methods of s
tress management and problem solving capabilities. For instance, does he or she
hide away from problems or face them head on. Hence, one of the attractions of a
lcohol, as with other addictive substances, is the potential it has to help one ‘e
scape’ from reality.
Some research has shown that there is such a thing as an addictive personality.
All addicts, regardless of substance, tend to eventually behave in a similar man
ner- lying, stealing, cheating, blaming, becoming aggressive, abusive behaviour,
depressive symptoms such as excessive crying, confusion, gaps in memory, intens
e anger, suicidal behaviour etc.
There is a link, according to some research, between addiction and allergic reac
tions. This may be a means of partially explaining why some individuals become a
ddicted while others do not when exposed to the same stimulus. Allergic reaction
s to some allergens produce a craving in the afflicted individual for the allerg
en. In this individual, a small amount is likely to produce a reaction. In addit
ion, an individual who has previously had an addiction to alcohol, has recovered
from the addiction and then drinks even a small amount of alcohol will revert b
ack to his or her original condition. The carvings will reoccur but since the in
dividual has been in recovery, his or her level of tolerance has been reduced du
e to abstinence- if he or she drinks to the level he or she was once capable of,
it could still kill him or her- even though it was not as much as he or she use
d to consume before recovery.
If in your opinion he is best described as ‘an embarrassing drunk’- then he is alrea
dy likely to be an excessive drinker. There is a difference between intoxication
and being completely drunk. In addition, an individual does not have to drink e
veryday in order to be an alcoholic. Many blue collar workers only drink on week
ends but qualify as alcoholics. If an individual feels the need when he drinks t
o drink until drunk, or continues to consistently drink excessively until drunk
regardless of the time frame- there is a problem. One needs to trust ones instin
cts, if he does this now, he will continue to do so unless some drastic action i
s taken. One of the best things to do would be to consult with a Clinical Psycho
logist in order to ascertain the magnitude, severity and origin of the problem.
It is best to leave such interventions in the hands of a professional so as not
to cause any unnecessary damage to the relationship. A third party well versed i
n the area can shed some light on the situation, help one develop the relationsh
ip if possible or advise the parties concerned to move on if a compromise cannot
be reached. In addition, one would then also be armed with necessary informatio
n in regard to ones compatibility and potential for conflict resolution within t
he relationship.
Nobody should accept derogatory and demeaning treatment. It is abusive and disre
spectful, not only to you but also to him. Remember, we teach others to treat us
in the manner they do- help teach him to be respectful, to himself first and th
en to others.
It si important to note that abuse is likely to become worse over time and when
faced with stress, it is likely to increase. Again, seek professional help first
, or if not committed to the relationship, better to move on.
There are certain personality types that may be more prone to alcohol abuse, esp
ecially those types that take issue with social restraints and authority. As men
tioned before, the ‘addictive’ personality is often talked about and when looked at
holistically one can see a distinct pattern of behaviour in addicts but more res
earch needs to be done in this area.
Alcohol abuse has catastrophic effects on the partner of a drinker. Substance ab
use, and in this case alcoholism, is the only illness that destroys everyone aro
und the offender before it destroys the offender himself. This can take anywhere
from a few months to a few decades. Partners of alcoholics are called co-depend
ents because over time they come to enable the problem. They are the individuals
that hold the world together for the alcoholic, making it harder for him to hit
‘rock bottom’, so to speak. Over time this becomes habit and a way of living, for t
he alcoholic and the co-dependent to the extent that the co-dependent feels resp
onsible for the health and well- being of the alcoholic. This is not a bad thing
in general but with an alcoholic the only time he will accept responsibility fo
r his actions is when he is faced head-on with the consequences of these actions
. In addition, it is a very destructive position to be in psychologically, physi
cally and emotionally for the co-dependent.
8. What are the kinds of questions you should ask yourself to establish what you
are and aren’t willing to put up with when it comes to your boyfriend’s drinking?
Alcohol lowers ones inhibitions. If under influence he behaves in ways that you
find disgusting and offensive, firstly it says that this is an intrinsic part of
him, secondly, that you will eventually lose respect for him over time and thir
dly, that the negative feelings you experience in regard to his behaviour is lik
ely to deteriorate further over time. So think carefully before you decide to pr
ogress with the relationship.
If you decide that he is the one for you then move on to rule making and boundar
y setting. It is important to note that when he is under the influence of alcoho
l he is not likely to be obedient and respectful to rules set when he was sober.
In addition, he may not even remember them. Hence, it is important to reel him
in before he becomes drunk. So, set rules and boundaries when he is sober, decid
e on face-saving signals to utilise in company and signal him before he starts t
o get a little out of hand. In this way, we avoid demonising one partner in the
relationship, we strengthen communication within the relationship and we allow t
he couple to leave the social arena with an intact and healthy relationship.
Approach him with extreme caution. He will be sensitive or oblivious to his prob
lem, so tread with care. You should say that you have something important to tal
k about and that it concerns you deeply. You can expect denial on his part, or a
t best a half hearted brush off – unless something catastrophic has occurred previ
ously to highlight his problem- he is not likely to openly admit on first approa
ch that he has a problem with drinking. If it seems difficult to move forward wi
th the discussion or if the discussion becomes heated suggest professional assis
tance. If he is an alcoholic, no boundaries are likely to protect you from his i
llness. Hence, his drinking will affect you adversely.
It is of paramount importance that you understand- his drinking has nothing to d
o with you and everything to do with him. So if he continues to drink excessivel
y despite your disapproval it is because of his addiction and NOT about his feel
ings for you. An ultimatum without professional assistance or without his co-ope
ration will inevitably result in disappointment. He needs professional help in o
rder to help him overcome HIS addiction.
Whether you decide to stay and help him or leave for greener pastures depends on
you. But you need to answer these questions,
Did I grow up in an alcoholic home? Why am I attracted to him? Do I love him? Am
I willing to spend the rest of my life helping him fight this disease? What abo
ut the genetic link and alcohol?
Alcohol is a life long illness- one is never cured. One slip up, one major disas
ter, and just one little drink after decades of being sober can begin the battle
all over again.
Depending on the relationship status, living together etc. – you could approach th
e magistrates’ court and apply for a retraining order to be taken out against him-
called the Family Violence Interdict. It is important that you do so if u belie
ve even in the tiniest bit that you may be in danger because, as said before, wh
en under the influence of alcohol, ones inhibitions are lowered. The court will
provide you with an interim order immediately and will set a court date for a he
aring at a later date in which both parties have to be present. At this hearing
the order will be finalised if proven valid. You could stay with friends or fami
ly or have him move out, in order to satisfy the order in the interim. It is no
use getting an order and then remaining in the same home- remember it is only as
strong as you are. You have to enforce the order by adhering to it- it cannot s
ave you from yourself. In many instances of abuse that turns criminal, one finds
that the victim had a restraining order but did not enforce it.
Always listen to your instincts, stand up tall, get professional help, pray and
believe in yourself.
Sherona Rawat
Clinical Psychologist
Comment provided for Cosmopolitan magazine, October 2009

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