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Naked Dead Guy-In-A-Box
by Matt Dyerwww.storymatt.com
Naked Dead Guy-In-A-BoxThe knob Jason turned on the hydraulic crane caused Peter Daniels' body to hitthe bottom of the cardboard box with a hollow thud. Elmer Morton, the mortician, had just finished saying how he was too old to be lugging around dead people. After Mr.Daniels' body hit the bottom of the box, Elmer looked annoyed, but managed to say, "Alittle slower next time, please," with quiet politeness. Mr. Daniels, for his part, didn'tseem to mind.Today marked Jason's first day in the embalming room of the Morton Family Fu-neral Home. On the long walk up the stairs to the place "where the magic happens," asthe owner, Barry Morton, called it, Jason had imagined the room as being dimly lit bythose indestructible, red emergency light bulbs seen on TV in the stairways of big build-ings when the power goes o
ff
. And foggy, too; he expected fog to roll around in theroom like smoke from dry ice. He hadn't thought about the floors at all, but they werethe first thing he noticed when he opened the door. They were bright and clean, whiteindustrial tile. Florescent lights lit everything, especially the polished metal tools on thetable between the two naked dead people.That the people were dead didn't bother Jason as much as their nakedness. Bod-ies, pale like fading wax sculptures, laid flat on their backs without modesty. Jason tooka step and immediately scrunched his face at the odor of formaldehyde."Welcome to your new career, Jason," a quiet voice from his right said. "You'll getused to the smell,"The voice belonged to Elmer, Barry Morton's father, and Jason was glad to seehim. Having Elmer to look at meant he didn't have to look at the naked dead people. Jason had met Elmer a few times before, and never liked shaking his hand. He knewthis room was where Elmer worked. Elmer's white doctors' coat hung open in the frontand perfectly matched his white hair. As he shu
ffl
ed toward Jason, he used the polishedchrome base of a hydraulic crane to steady himself.New career? Jason wondered. He needed a new career, but after seeing the na-ked dead people, he wasn't sure this would be it."So what is it I'm supposed to help you with?" Jason asked."Well, you're lucky. Barry and I embalmed and aspirated them already." Elmersaid before pausing.Jason felt like it was his turn to speak, but had no idea what to say. Perhaps El-mer thought Jason should have been expressing how grateful he was that the dead peo-ple were "embalmed and aspirated" before he arrived, but Jason had no idea how em-balming worked and didn't even know what aspiration was. He gave a bewilderedshrug and said, "Aspirated?""You stick the end of that thing in their stomach and suck out all the food andstu
ff
they ate before they died." Elmer pointed to a device that looked like a miniature
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Rainbow vacuum cleaner with a clear container so you could see what sort of stu
ff
itsucked up. Jason imagined it sounded like the suction device a dental assistant uses tokeep a patient from swallowing his spit while the dentist repairs his tooth; thinkingabout this sound made him shudder. A thin, yellow rubber hose wrapped around thedevice, and in spite of the churning in his stomach, Jason couldn't help but rememberall the times his mother told him to chew his food properly at the dinner table and howher orders were meant to make this machine's work easier."We've got to dress the Dealy lady over there, but I really need you to help me getDaniels in his shipping box first," Elmer explained, motioning to a cardboard box.From where he stood, the cardboard box reminded Jason of the boxes he used onhis first job, at Quick-Stop Comics, to hold the back issues. Closer inspection revealedthe box's extra-thick walls and a piece of particle board in the bottom for addedstrength."Don't let me forget to put some plastic down before we get him in there," Elmersaid. "We've had a couple of leakers lately, and I don't want to take a chance with thisone since he's got to go so far."Jason looked for the first time at the face of the man destined for the box. "Dan-iels," he said aloud. A bell of recognition had gone o
ff
in his head when he first heardElmer say the name, but this sort of alarm wasn't uncommon in such a small town asRobbersville. This "Daniels" looked paler (and certainly more naked) than the one Jasonknew. He looked at the box's shipping label, which listed the destination as "Petaluma,CA," and the contents as "Human Remains of Peter Daniels." A wave of blood rushedinto Jason's cheeks making his face feel hot in the otherwise chilly room. This was thesame "Peter Daniels" he knew; the one who held the honor of being the last person towhom Jason had ever sold a car.With Jason's recognition of Peter Daniels came the strong urge to leave, just toget out of the room and breathe real air again. Naked dead people were creepy enoughwhen they were just random dead people; now Jason knew one of them, and he wasn'tcomfortable at all. Elmer looked comfortable here, more comfortable than he lookedanywhere around town Jason had ever seen him, like at church or at the local deli. Butthe room was full of dead people, and Jason knew one of them! He didn't want to becomfortable, and looking at Elmer made him realize that the longer he stayed in theembalming room, the more comfortable he would become in it. Jason rubbed his noseand looked at the shiny, white floor and thought about how he'd ended up here.A little over a month ago, Jason had given Peter Daniels his standard car lot greet-ing. "Hello, welcome to Happy Motors. My name is Jason, and you are..." It wasn't aquestion he asked so much as a statement with a blank, and people, he always found,were more than happy to fill in any blank for which they had the correct answer."Peter. Peter Daniels," Mr. Daniels said, o
ff
ering his hand. As Jason shook hishand firmly, he got his first good look at Mr. Daniels. He wore a classic businessman'sshort-sleeved white shirt with a solid red tie. The green logo for Thorton Manufacturingglowed over the right breast-pocket. Thorton produced a soon-to-be wildly popular line
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