Mker21395945 6 months ago

I enjoyed reading this Fan-made Screenplay. However, I do see room for improvement.

To start with the obvious, the action doesn't start until page 67 out of 93 pages total. That's more than half of the story that focuses on setup and character backround. I realize that both of these points are crucial to prevent creating a hollow story. still, waiting for more than half of the story to bring in the dinosaurs--which is what JP-lovers are reading for--is WAY too long. The Jurassic Park movies usually take 20 minutes (more or less) to start the action.

There are also some factual errors present in the script. the most obvious would be the presence of Ray Arnold, who died in the first film (remember the arm Ellie finds in the maintnence shed). Also, it is established that Alan Grant is a single father. At the beginning of the first film, it is clearly stated that he despises kids. Why he'd want one of his own makes no sense whatsoever. he also never mentions being married.

The final peice of the puzzle which I find unnecessary is the fact that the author has included famous entities--such as Al Gore and Larry King--in the story. they are not vital to the story, and--in my opinion--somewhat mock the entire JP franchise by implying that JP4 will be its last gasp. Steven Spielberg has even said that while casting the first movie, he kept in mind that he did not want Big-shot Hollywood Icons but actors who could breathe life into their roles.

Perhaps a second draft should be considered.