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Turbulence at 67 Inches

Superhero, werewolf, streaker, accidental arsonist, fake musician, mad scientist, secret agent, rejected football hero, criminal, victim, fried Biblical figure, monster maker, famed poet, bodyguard, unwilling kidnapper, fugitive, recluse, TV star, Hollywo

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Sections

Forward
Run for Your Life
The Talking Dog
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Matzo Man!
Matzo Man Meets His Demise (sort of)
Garage Flambé
More on the Damsel in Distress
What Love Really Is
The Day I Discovered My Penis
The Day Luckless Luis Luciana Lost His Weenie to Eternity
“Ladies and Gentlemen . . . The Junior Monkees!!!”
Secret Agent Man (or, Say U.N.C.L.E.)
How I Spent My Summer Vacation (Little Auschwitz Blues)
Prelude to a Breakdown
The Passover Plotz
Lessons Learned
The Monster Kept Kosher
Mayhem and the Monkey
The Lake
The Breakdown
The War Within
Shambles and Such
Up, Up, and Away
My Brilliant Football Career
Crime Time
Mama’s Boy
Ambush on Kumquat Avenue
Maniac part 1 (Go Down Swinging)
Maniac Goes to Hell (the sequel)
Representing the Camner Name
Go Down Moses
I’ll Find My Thrill When I Kill Robin Hill (Karate Man)
A Glass of Wind
College (and other lessons in mental cruelty)
The Graveyard Shift
The Summer of Love (or, Cupid Makes My Shit List)
The Betrayal (Romeo’s Psychotic Adventure)
The Groupie (If it smells like a rock star . . .)
Top of the Heap
Start Spreading the News (New York Times)
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s Off to Hell We Go!
New York’s Last Rhyming Poet
15 Minutes
The Riverside Park Adventure
Attempted Murder on the Minnesota Strip
The West End for Real
The Man with the Wings in his Hat
Katie the Limping Waitress
Opportunity Knocks (and I pretend I’m not home)
Down on Miss X
Saint John at 3:00 A.M
Mama’s Fried Rats
The List
The Bodyguard
Snow White’s Place (I Dodge the Draft)
The Electric Brain
The Con Job of the Century
Biting the Lemon
Seclusion (cracks in the ceiling)
Chicago Story
Back in the Brier-Patch
The Infamous Nutty Buddy Incident
Rough Times with Mr. Smooth
Just Plain Trouble
The Phone Call (Pat the Drunk)
Real Life, Again
The Return of the Ragged Prince
Taking the Queen
The End, Again
Go West, Young Man
Hollywood’s Haunted Hotel
Duck, Duck, Goose
Split Decisions
The Underachievers
When it Rains
The Mayor of Munchkinland
Just Plain Funk
The Beverly Hills Bitch
Kinky Stuff
Steve, Steve, Steve
The Drama Club & The Hummingbird Story
Sputtering Out
Life is a 4 Letter Word
Fatal Beauty
In Search of Errol Flynn’s Ghost
Getting My Kicks Nowhere Near Route 66
Fade to Black
Back in the Brier-Patch, Again
A Many Splendored Thing
Hell is a Place Called Love
Ruthie from the Bronx
Within the Law (Godzilla Lives!)
Sara Faith
I Don’t Get it! (again)
The Night Ofﬁcer Friendly Almost Blew My Brains Out
The Maestro (part 1)
Maestro (part 2)
Maestro (part 3)
Maestro (part 4)
The Hispanic Talent Show (suicide right on the stage)
Surprise, Surprise
Mitzy (Don’t Stand So Close To Me)
Home on the Range (or, Set That Boy on Boil)
Camner’s Inferno (or, I have seen the future Start packing.)
Night Beat: Granny Grump Tells It Like It Is
The ABC’s of a Screw Job
221-B Baker Street
A Very Warm Reception (what’s that smell?!)
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Banned Savior
The Day I Met the Devil (I swear to God)
Pandamonium
Signs in the Fog (turbulence at 67 inches)
The Wall
The Voice
Detour to Dogtown
Welcome to “Poodleville”
The Beginning of the End
Busy Signals
The Queen of Highway 69
Panda in Pieces
The Kalamazoo Kid
Once a Schmuck . . . Twice Bitten
Muggy/Unﬁnished Business
I Come Undone (7307 San Jose Boulevard)
The Book of Ruth (part 2)
The Dark Side
London Bridge is Falling Down and I Know the Feeling
Scared Stiff
Zundala’s Lament (Dirge for Dad)
Author’s Tea (one lump or two?)
Poetry’s Ragged Prince Takes On the Soviet Union
Hymen Shows Up (Sue me)
Good News
Bad News
Death Speaks Broken English (Let’s Meet Nestor!)
Aftershock
The Search for Tomm
The Return of the Animal Avenger
The Night I killed Elmo
Turnin’ Twix
Our Tryst with Yogi (or, I Slept with the Beatles)
Eli’s Comin’ (hide your heart girl)
Trouble Down Below (a little too much information)
Serves Me Right
Raising Lazarus
Postscript
Acknowledgments

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Category:	Uncategorized.
Rating:
Upload Date:	10/12/2010
ISBN	9781441536334
Copyright:	Traditional Copyright: All rights reserved
Tags:	turbulence at 67 inchesthe autobiographyhoward camner6059314 turbulence at 67 inchesthe autobiographyhoward camner6059314 (fewer)

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