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Conan O'Brien's Penis Size Contest

Conan O'Brien's Penis Size Contest

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Published by Newamba Flamingo
I'll creep up behind you and shave off a portion of your hair
I'll creep up behind you and shave off a portion of your hair

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Published by: Newamba Flamingo on Oct 12, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Conan O’Brien’s Penis Size Contest
Dystopia, USA, 2034:
Fade in
A mad frenzy consumes the floor of the Senate…armies of frothing hip hop mermaids wearing strap-on dildospour in through barbed wire air vents… Theysmother, mount, and rectally copulate with stammering Senatorsin a manner strikingly similar to the animal sex frequently documented onnature TV shows Many of the Senators cry out in pleasurewhile others demand tougher laws against hip hop mermaidswith strap-ons who crawl outta air vents and anally penetrate politicians’persons… Fox News anchorman parachute into the fray,disrobe, and compare penis sizes amongst one another…reporters with the smallest penises must fist themselves up the assand sing the Star Spangled Banner repeatedly Feral cats with flamethrowersleap from the Senators’ briefcases and set their own armpit hair on firein defiant protest of the mermaid animal fucking and ass fisting penis sizecontest A trumpet sounds… 
Hairy bikers in Vanilla Ice clothes arrive in waveserupting from a trap doorbike and all, onto the Senate floor  The President of the United States accompanies the bikers…stepping out of the sidecar of a motorcycle,he climbs up onto the central podium of the Senate rotunda, bobbing hishead… (The President is known to be the most evil and despicable man on theplanet,often duct-taping a midget cameraman to his stomach,storming into public bathrooms [both male and female],kicking in doors of stalls,taking humiliating video of the occupants,and squealing opera at them in a hostile tenor)  Today the President wears his customary uniform of adult diapers,paper Burger King Crown, hot pink cape,black sling stiletto heels, chain link monocle,and toxic mumu made of crisp dollar bills fused together by the saliva of starving children A corded microphone drops down from the ceiling,and he bellows into it in a hideous falsetto-“Stop, collaborate, and listen!” and pulls a flaccid, carrot-shaped penis out from underneath his mumu,raises it in the air and shoots fireworks from it… 
the Senators, bikers, cameramen, and reporters alldrop to their knees, bow to the President’s genitals,weep, and attempt to slit each other’s wrists withthe tips of the hip hop mermaids’ strap-on dildos…
Fade Out 
Madison Avenue, NYC, 2027:
Conan O’Brien, comedian and host of a late night talk show, loses his mind…during opening sequence of interviewhe pounces on a monochromatic movie starletand begins eating her alive as if he were Hannibal Lecter  The crowd screams and shrieks, scores run toward the exits But countless remain, thinking it’s just part of the show,and laugh uproariously as Conan cannibalizes the starlet His face caked in blood, Conan proceeds to walk like a bear into the crowdand runs row to row with his right arm extended,slapping people in the face in one fluid motion,somewhat akin to dominoes falling,every now and again he stops, rips off a toupee, throws it to the ground,stomps and/or pisses on it, dropkicks an elderly Japanese tourist in the jaw,insults someone’s teeth or hairstyle, or worse, tells a woman that her dressor pair of pants makes her look fat and that her shoes are distasteful… When Conan reaches the top row,a sabre-toothed tiger falls into the studio through a rupture in the roof…it snarls, roars, and then gorges out his jugular,

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