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Seeking Lost Self -- Where is Will ?

Seeking Lost Self -- Where is Will ?

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Published by Theresa-Ann
2010-03-03 1st Journal, Mayan day 8 Earth

♥ This Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f-SwKD2Ihc

♥ iTunes podcast http://www.itunes.com/podcast?id=371766765
♥ Blip.tv channel http://theresaaharvey.blip.tv/

Intro:
This may well be a private journal; let’s see.

During the very recent Matrix Energetics (ME) in Phoenix I actually pulled together whatever it took to ask a challenging question: “From whence does will arise when one has merged into the greater wholeness, the larger Self?” Once you’ve lost your self, the one once so easily seen and identified with; once that is long gone into the no-mind, the no-identifiable-self, what then? Who acts?

Words cannot explain this state. Those who are or have been there will know. Let others look on, or go elsewhere. It is what it is, and this is where I am, right now.

So, the ME class was the advanced one, for whizards, for alchemists. Some actual magic was even taught, but what is that but alchemy, anyway. One will manifest what is within one’s heart, no matter what route or path one takes, no matter what the ‘do-ing’ that might be involved. I have no need of spells and incantations, and I’m glad, because none was taught...
2010-03-03 1st Journal, Mayan day 8 Earth

♥ This Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f-SwKD2Ihc

♥ iTunes podcast http://www.itunes.com/podcast?id=371766765
♥ Blip.tv channel http://theresaaharvey.blip.tv/

Intro:
This may well be a private journal; let’s see.

During the very recent Matrix Energetics (ME) in Phoenix I actually pulled together whatever it took to ask a challenging question: “From whence does will arise when one has merged into the greater wholeness, the larger Self?” Once you’ve lost your self, the one once so easily seen and identified with; once that is long gone into the no-mind, the no-identifiable-self, what then? Who acts?

Words cannot explain this state. Those who are or have been there will know. Let others look on, or go elsewhere. It is what it is, and this is where I am, right now.

So, the ME class was the advanced one, for whizards, for alchemists. Some actual magic was even taught, but what is that but alchemy, anyway. One will manifest what is within one’s heart, no matter what route or path one takes, no matter what the ‘do-ing’ that might be involved. I have no need of spells and incantations, and I’m glad, because none was taught...

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Published by: Theresa-Ann on Oct 20, 2010
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10:16 am, 3/4/2010, 8 Caban/Earth Mayan day
SEEKING LOST SELF — WHAT ABOUT WILL ?
This VideoThis may well be a private journal; let’s see.During the very recent Matrix Energetics (ME) in Phoenix I actually pulled together whatever ittook to ask a challenging question: “From whence does will arise when one has merged intothe greater wholeness, the larger Self?” Once you’ve lost your self, the one once so easilyseen and identified with; once that is long gone into the no-mind, the no-identifiable-self, whatthen? Who acts?Words cannot explain this state. Those who are or have been there will know. Let otherslook on, or go elsewhere. It is what it is, and this is where I am, right now.So, the ME class was the advanced one, for whizards, for alchemists. Some actual magicwas even taught, but what is that but alchemy, anyway. One will manifest what is within one’sheart, no matter what route or path one takes, no matter what the ‘do-ing’ that might beinvolved. I have no need of spells and incantations, and I’m glad, because none was taught.My point, though, is that the seminar presupposed that one had a self, a self from which toact, a will to guide the way. I don’t have that. It was a challenge. So, on the second day andat question time I spoke up with my somewhat radical question, yet feeling better aboutasking it in the midst of those more advanced in such things, at this Level 3 seminar.Having lived with this question quietly there, in the background, for some time, I did not reallyexpect an answer, or one that I could use. I had to ask, though, so I did. What else she said Ido not know, but one of the presenters gave me this: do what is fun. And it clicked.This I can do, can find ‘self’ enough within to pursue; my joy, my bliss. These are so oftenwith me, anyway, being in me, as me, that it is a light burden. Follow your bliss. Ahh,heavenly answer. No, this does not yet tell me who, or even what, I am, but that’s fine. I’m just as all and as nothing as before.Someone piped up from the audience, shouting that I should read Jed McKenna’s books, thatthey would help, and so I have his trilogy, now. I’m looking quite forward to the experiencethe reading will bring. Having read thru the Table of Contents of the first volume, I know he’sright on track...which is quite off the rails...and I like that. It shall be great fun; among other things.Have you ever noticed how your “stuff” comes up when you read good books? It’s awonderful dance, this life that we live, with its endless synchronicities, spurring intuition anddelight. So often, though, the door to the joy is through the crap and the muck. It gets moreand more interesting, too, as we get more and more willing to greet these, too, with love andwith trust, simply knowing that our best is always served up, no matter the look of it.
 
So, anyway, I’ve read a few pages, and already I must stop and absorb. What am I headingtoward, and what am I heading away from is the book’s initial question, and it’s deep. What,indeed? That speaks to one on a path, and I’m no longer that, but I’ll take up the challenge,all the same. (Arrogance is a fiend, sometimes, and Humility the friend, but they replace eachother off and on. One just never knows, you know? Thus, it pays, above all, to be nimble.)Whatever I’m heading to, I think I’m already there. I’m it. I’m that. There is no that that I’mnot. So, when you’re already everything, and even everywhere, where’s to go? What’s to‘do,’ and who do the do-ing, anyway? Hmmm. I’ll let this one just sit, and move on.What am I moving away from, he asks. Good question. Though I’d like to say, ‘nothing,’ thatwouldn’t be quite true. I still don’t race up to the devil and embrace it, though I at leastacknowledge it to be God, an aspect or facet of the One God. After all, how could it beotherwise, in the midst of “omnipresence?” It simply is, and I’m fine with that.Yeah, that’s right, the devil is one with and part of God, too; just like me. I still don’t run up togreet it, though, so that counts as a running away, a walking away from. Hmmm. And whatelse?Well now, that’s interesting. You see, when one focalizes one’s consciousness into onebody/mind, into one being, then there are natural go-to’s and go-from’s. For instance, if someone you trust keeps stealing from you, again and again, in spite of all your efforts tochange that, you go from. It’s natural.Actually, it would be considered pretty stupid to keep playing that game, right? I suppose so;though I really don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, here. Don’t try to pinpoint me, or you’ll findI’ve moved over there. Don’t think I know anything, okay? I know I don’t, and that’s about allI know, really.It’s like saying “What’s good and what’s bad?” Isn’t it? And it’s all good, so that’s challenging.It’s all good, even the stealing, even the devil and its deeds. It’s all good. All appears in theright time at the right place for our best possible blossoming and becoming. Life changesmassively when we begin to greet it that way.~~~~~~~~~~10:46 am, 3/4 2nd -
BEING THE QUESTION
7:08 pm, 3/4 3rd -
JED McKENNA -- FIRST TASTE
~~~~~~~~~~~
TAGS
awaken or enlighten, Source God or Spirit, no-mind, I don't know, Heart over head, watch or observe, experience or experiential, heart call, wisdom or enlightenment, surrender all, journey or path, don't understand, words won't express, depth or intensity, time and no-time,

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