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Interview With David Arthur Walters in Whom May We Trust

Interview With David Arthur Walters in Whom May We Trust

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Walter Davidson caught up with the eccentric author at the Las Olas Cafe on South Beach.
Walter Davidson caught up with the eccentric author at the Las Olas Cafe on South Beach.

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Published by: David Arthur Walters on Oct 21, 2010
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12/22/2012

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The Miami Mirror – True Reflections 
 
~ 1 ~
THE FLORIDA BAR SERIES
In Whom May We Trust?Interview with David Arthur Walters
October 21, 2010Miami Beach, FloridaBy Walter Davidson, Alter EgoTHE MIAMI MIRRORI encountered David Arthur Walters at Las Olas Café in South Beach. Walters is anindependent journalist, and the founder of Three Stooges Media Unlimited, where heserves as publisher, editor, and writer. I was pleased to interview him after we practicedthe few Spanish words we know besides curse words while ordering the $5
desayunoespecial – huevos revueltos con jamon y queso, papas fritas, pan cubano y café conleche.
 Walters is always eager to be interviewed. He has a knack for inserting himself in front of television cameras whenever they show up on the Beach to cover something or the other,a practice he says he learned from jazz dance maestro Luigi in New York. But he is rarelyinterviewed by mainstream print journalists because he is nobody as far as they areconcerned. Television journalists like to interview people on the street, but postmodernprint journalists sit around in offices looking at computers most of the day, and their mainconcern is getting next to rich and famous or otherwise powerful people, so they shooWalters away like a mere blogger when he tries to get next to them – nothing insults himmore than to be called a blogger.In fact, Walters often refers to himself as nobody, adding that his hero is the Nobody whoput out the eye of the Cyclops and rolled the rock away from the hole in the cave so heand his thieving Greek crew could disguise themselves as sheep and make off with thesheep so they would have something to eat during their search for the Golden Fleece.Walters has been griping on the Internet about The Florida Bar lately. Two legal experts,who prefer to be unnamed because they want to avoid the appearance of improperlyassociating with him, said Walters has made some good points in his efforts to poke outthe eye of their own one-eyed monster, the Integrated Bar. Since Walters was paying forthe chow, and we both love to talk loudly with food in our mouths, I figured The MiamiMirror would have nothing to lose over breakfast if I interviewed him on the subject.MM: How long have you lived in South Beach?
 
The Miami Mirror – True Reflections 
 
~ 2 ~
WALTERS: I lived on the cockroach-infested, southern end of Miami Beach in 1969 and1970. It wasn't called South Beach back then, but I loved it. It was dirt cheap, a poor oldperson’s paradise – there were few young people around then. I fell in love with a JewishAmerican Princess, a photographer and B-grade movie actress whose sugar daddy hadditched her on the train down from New York. She mistakenly wound up at thePennsylvania Hotel, now the Blackstone apartments, where I lived on the roof in thefreight elevator housing. I was the night manager there. She came into the lobbycomplaining that nobody would give her change for a dollar. I gave her more than that,and followed her back to New York. After I moved away from the Beach, I returnedseveral times on vacation. And then I settled here in 2004, almost flat broke, not realizingthat I qualified for a subprime mortgage that could make me rich in short order.MM: An article published on the Internet says that you were declared insane by a highlyplaced Miami Beach official. What official would that be, and do you agree with theassessment?WALTERS: That would be Boss Gonzalez. Mind you, that is just hearsay. He issurrounded by blabbermouths, one of whom told me that he declared me "crazy" forwriting about The Hole. Crazy is not insane.MM: Why not?WALTERS: There is a difference between crazy and insane, as the former term ispolitically incorrect because it reportedly demeans mentally ill people. If he actually saidthat, and I think he did because it is the kind of thing I would say, I would not beoffended at all. I think everyone is a bit crazy. Normal people are the craziest people of all, and some of them wind up in high places because of the mediocrity they haveachieved by compromising themselves to get on the top of the heap.MM: The Hole? What is that?WALTERS: A hole in the ground. A young lady whom I met the beach the morning aftera Wine and Food Festival stepped knee-deep into a virtually invisible hole in SouthPointe Park, scrapping up her leg badly. It's a wonder she did not break it. We reportedThe Hole to a patrol officer sitting in the parking lot. The officer became suspicious whenmy new friend did not want to give her name because she is related to a powerfulpolitical figure and was not supposed to be in South Beach, let alone drinking wine. I gother out of there, and wrote up an article called ‘The Hole’, thinking the city might fill itlest someone get badly hurt.MM: Was it fixed?WALTERS: After several months passed and I had pushed the matter several times, thecity packed the hole with dirt and sand. But soon thereafter, some creature bored throughThe Hole, so there was quite a bit of speculation as to what sort of animal would do thatif not a sand crab. I conjectured that chupacabras had tunneled in from Puerto Rico.
 
The Miami Mirror – True Reflections 
 
~ 3 ~
MM: Get out of here! Chupacabras don't exist!WALTERS: So call me crazy. Anyway, the matter was taken care of for good when thepark was shut down and completely renovated.MM: I understand you criticized the new park.WALTERS: I loved the park the way it was because I used it every weekend, so I wasmad at the city for closing it, and said the iceberg sculpture planned as its centerpiecerepresented the icy heart of city management. But now I am glad they did it. The newpark was worth waiting for. It is definitely heartwarming despite the iceberg, which doesnot resemble an iceberg very much because it is postmodern art.MM: You said you are a truly independent journalist. What do you mean by that?WALTERS: An independent journalist is most often an unemployed writer, say, afrustrated newspaperman whom the press will not hire for one reason or the other,probably because he has no credentials, and out of bitterness he sometimes likes to bitethe hand that refuses to feed him, bitterly taking the press to task for not reporting whathe believes to be the truth about any subject, and he may refer to employed writers asmedia whores or press putas.MM: You have taken up attacking The Florida Bar lately instead of the Miami Herald.Some people say you are a lawyer-hater who is trying to revive the revolutionary cry,"Kill the lawyers!"WALTERS: I don't hate lawyers, and I would be one if I were not, so to speak, crazy fornot being what I should be, for I would do a great job fighting for freedoms in the courts.This would not be a free country without our lawyers, but the legal system is turning toohard against the most of us lately. Yes, some justice still trickles down. I think lawyershave won too many freedoms for petty outlaws since they managed to legalize their owncrimes. Still, the law is what rich people’s lawyers do. Lawyers and the judicial elite theyare beholden to for their livelihood have too much power. Judges cotton to or aremembers of the power elite at the apex of the friendly fascist pyramid. I mean theinvisible forces of darkness behind corporate board tribalism. Their Florida Bar, the barintegrated with the bench and ruled by the Florida Supreme Court, is one of the mostarrogant and unaccountable organizations I have ever encountered.MM: You wrote that its structure endangers democracy and deserves people's unbridledcontempt.WALTERS: Yes, I wrote that, but too hastily, for structures should not be blamed forwhat people do. Still, good people deserve a better structure.MM: You sound like a socialist or communist.

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