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What to Say and Do in an Interview

What to Say and Do in an Interview

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What should you say in an interview? Read on to find out...
What should you say in an interview? Read on to find out...

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Published by: Meta on Apr 28, 2007
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02/24/2014

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How to be great at interviewsInterviews: These are needed for progression in just about everything. I can guarantee you that atsome point in your life you will need to attend an interview: And you will need to be great at it. Allthroughout your life, whether you want a job, promotion within a job, admission to a university, or even if on a date (simlar to an interview, but see my date-specific information) then this handyguide, containing typical interview questions and essential technique, will be invaluable to you. So,to start off...
Typical questions:
Interviewers will ask you all sorts of things about your skills, qualities, experiences and outlook. Doyou have any idea what the difference between a 'skill' and a 'quality' is? No? That's because they're
buzzwords
with almost no relevance to the job that you are applying for, and are used as a way of trying to form poor, approximate structures of similarity between two or more subjectively differentapplicants in order to vaguely compare them to each other.It's a laziness on the part of the employer to be able to bureaucratically assign someone with a'Managing qualification' to interview you for a job that, as a 'manager', he knows nothing about.So, how can you exploit this general laziness? Easy;BY USING YOUR OWN BUZZWORDS!For example (The buzzwords are in bold to show you how important they are, and
 stress
each boldword as you say it for the correct 'interview-speak'):Q.) What
skills
do you think you possess?A.) Well, I think I am a good
communicator
, and from this
stems
my
drive
to
cooperate
withothers around me and
contribute
to the
team ethic
in a
pro-active
way. I also believe that I am
proficient
at
analysing
and
assessing issues
that
bear relevance
to the
working environment
and
implementing
my
solutions
in an
efficient
way.Oh yeah. That's one sexy answer. You'll have noticed that almost every noun, verb, adjective andadverb in there was a buzzword. In fact, looking at the answer without buzzwords we get:A.) Well, I think I am a good
BLANK 
, and from this
BLANKS
my
BLANK 
to
BLANK 
withothers around me and
BLANK 
to the
BLANK BLANK 
in a
BLANK-BLANK 
way. I also believethat I am
BLANK 
at
BLANKING
and
BLANKING BLANKS
that
BLANK BLANK 
to the
BLANK BLANK 
and
BLANKING
my
BLANKS
in a
BLANK 
way.Exactly. Let's try another question,and see what sort of answer fits this time:Q.) Do you believe yourself to be a
team player
?A.) Well, I think I am a good
communicator
, and from this
stems
my
drive
to
cooperate
withothers around me and
contribute
to the
team ethic
in a
pro-active
way. I also believe that I am
proficient
at
analysing
and
assessing issues
that
bear relevance
to the
working environment
and
implementing
my
solutions
in an
efficient
way. Exactly. Learn a few buzzy sentences (Or, as in this case, ONE buzzy sentence) and simply roll itoff when needed.Outcome: The job is yours, with one provisio:
 
YOU CANNOT ACTUALLY USE THE SAME ANSWER TWICE IN A REAL INTERVIEW!The above illustration shows that it is possible to use the same Buzz-word-full answer to respond toalmost any question, but learn a few such sentences, along with a few of the connecting phrases, inorder to ace those interviews every time."I believe that I can
achieve
an
operational workload
while not
losing sight
of my
strategicgoals
."Translation: "I can do little things without forgetting about the big things." - kind of obvious for anyone with more than one brain cell, but interviewers like to hear this kind of over-worked way of saying something obvious.And remember, to manager types everything is a "
goal
" or "
targets
" or "
in sight
" or some crap likethat. If you haven't mentioned "
goals
"at least half a dozen times in the interview then you aren't
pro-active
enough."I have a
wide skill base
, which
encompasses
 
aspects
of both
team interaction
and
individualgoal pursuit
."Always stress that you are a
team player
with
initiative
. Don't say "I'm a mindless drone who doeswhat he's told. Nothing more or less." and, equivalently, don't say "Team work? Fuck that." Whatthe interviewer wants to hear is that you can work in a team
and 
on your own simultaneously- hewants to know that you have
personal synergy
. Remember to say..."I
strive
to use
synergy
as a method for 
linking
 
personal goal
in the
tasks
I perform, no matter how
varied
."And try;"My
multi-tasking skills
are useful in
performing tasks
in a
regimented
and
effective
way."and remember to "Take things
on board
." Notice that any of the previous statements answers any of the following questions (Give or take acouple of tweaks in some cases, but you can't expect me to spoon-feed you all of the answers thatyou'll need.):Q.) Why do you think you are
well-suited
for this job?Q.) Would you say that your 
person
 
specification compliments
the
 job specification?
Q.)
 
What is your 
main strength
?... etc, etc, etc......Ad nauseum. Essentially, they ask you some half-baked question that actually asks very littleabout YOU and you make some (equally half-baked) answer up before-hand to fend off thequestion.And (this is he amazing thing) the interviewer will be
impressed 
at your answer. Mad world...Body language:This doesn't have to be very hard. Sit straight, make eye contact and don't look shifty. Apparently

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