Dating Principles

1 Dating Principles
Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

2 Dating Principles
Dating Principles
2nd Edition
5 Simple Yet Powerful Guidelines

that Make Interacting with Any
Women Easy And Effortless
by Jay Julio
©2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.
This book may not be reprinted in part or in whole

by any person or entity without written permission from
Jay Julio: jayjulio@coolguywithwomen.com
Jay Julio and coolguywithwomen.com cannot be held legally liable

for any action(s) you take. By reading Dating Principles, you
understand and accept that the information in this book is an opinion
and you are responsible for your own behavior.

3 Dating Principles
Dating Principles
Table of Contents
What You Really Need to Know About Dating
Women ............................................................................... 4
The Secret to Getting the Most Out of This Book…...................... 5
The Most Powerful Word in the World!....................................... 6
Change the Way You Think About Dating................................... 7
How to Prepare Your Thinking for Succeeding With
Women................................................................................. 8
Multiply Your Results by Using the 5 Dynamic Dating
Principles ............................................................................ 10
Be Valuable! ....................................................................... 11
No Desperation!................................................................... 12
No Clinginess! ..................................................................... 14
No Jealousy!........................................................................ 16
No Excuses or Justifications! .................................................. 17
Be Positive! ....................................................................... 19
No Complaining! .................................................................. 20
No Negativity! ..................................................................... 22
Be Congruent! ................................................................... 25
No Disclosure! ..................................................................... 26
No Apologies! ...................................................................... 27
Be Cool!.............................................................................30
No End-Gaining! .................................................................. 31
No Manipulation!.................................................................. 32
No Arguing!......................................................................... 34
Be Present!........................................................................ 37
No Discussion! ..................................................................... 38
No Approval-Seeking! ........................................................... 40
Review the Dating Principles and the Underlining
Attitudes ........................................................................... 43

4 Dating Principles
Introduction:
What You Really Need to

Know About Dating Women
There are two key areas in learning to date women or become better
at it. Dating Principles covers the basics of the most important of the
two.
These principles are a set of easy to follow practical guidelines

that can and will greatly improve your abilities interacting with women
the better you become at applying them, which will automatically
cause them to become attracted to you.
And here’s the reason why:
Women are naturally attracted to men who have a specific

CHARACTER.
So essentially what this book is really about is laying down the

exact instructions on how to go about developing this kind of character
in yourself.
Really, it has little to do with women.
It has to do with the way you think – and it is the way you think
that will change the way you respond to women and their behavior.

5 Dating Principles
And by simply changing the way you respond to women and

their behavior, this will cause them to respond back very differently
and in a way that causes them to respect you.
See, I’m under the strong impression that it doesn’t really

matter whether you can easily meet and talk to women, get their
phone numbers, date a lot of women, or even sleep with a lot of
women – IF they don’t or have no respect for you.
The truth is: women will never make you happy.
That’s your responsibility BEFORE you even invite women into

your life.
Women can only add to your happiness; they can’t and will
never have the power to create it for you.
And after all, would you be truly happy if you become

“successful” with women, but they still had no respect for you?
Now, most dating advice seems to be aimed at improving your

PERSONALTIY, which is important for meeting and talking to women.
No doubt about it.
In fact, I cover how to improve personality in “Cool Guy with

Women”.
But if you want long-term success – or in other words, you

eventually want to be capable of establishing and maintaining a
healthy relationship with a woman, what’s really important is your
character.
And that’s what the entire focus of this eBoolet is on.
The Secret to Getting the

Most Out of This Book…
After you’ve read this book, I strongly encourage you to print
out the last section that lists the principles in clear, concise statements

6 Dating Principles
and review them often – especially when you know you’re going to be
interacting with women.
Having the principles fresh and in the forefront of your mind is

critical because when you do so, it’s much easier to catch yourself
making “mistakes”.
Now, making mistakes is important, so don’t go around trying to

avoid them because you know that you “shouldn’t” make them or
because you know the “right” thing to do.
In fact, that very attitude is the biggest mistake you can possibly
make.
No, what’s important is that you NOTICE not only when and how
you make the mistakes, but you also realize the reactions or how
women respond when you make them.
And there’s a critical reason why you need to know this:
See, until you experience what you don’t want for yourself, it
can be difficult to know why you’re applying these principles.
So instead of applying them to get what you want for yourself, it

tends to become about getting it “right”, usually motivated by the urge
to prove yourself to others – which actually stops you from getting
what you want.
And it all starts with...
The Most Powerful Word in the World!

Ultimately, this word is the reason you are where you are today,
experiencing what you’re experiencing.
And this word is at the foundation of all choices – for your

choices created your reality.
See, what makes a guy great with women or a failure with

women is due to the choices he’s made and the choices he’s making.
But have ever thought about what choice really is?

7 Dating Principles
If you boil it down, choice can be summed up with but one

simply, short word:
NO.
“No, I will not do that.”
That’s really what it’s all about.
This may sound vague right now. But I assure you, by the end of
this book, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Change the Way You Think About Dating

Becoming truly successful with women and dating does not
directly involve doing the “right things”, or learning specific techniques
or pick-up lines.
No! Success begins by changing the way you think.
Every circumstance in your life, even if you’re not aware of it, is

a result of the way you’re thinking.
Well, the same applies to dating. So if your dating life is poor,

it’s because you’re thinking in a way that repels the women you want.
So by change your thinking, you change the circumstances in

your dating life.
Now, there seems to be two kinds of thinking guys have when it

comes to dating. One gets amazing long-term results, the other
doesn’t.
What it comes down to is making a choice between SECURITY

and FREEDOM.
When guys go for security, they begin to calculate. And it’s the
calculation that gets in the way of long-term success. By trying to do
what they think will guarantee them success actually guarantees their
failure.

8 Dating Principles
But when you want freedom, you fully embrace risks, which
frees you from hesitation. You free yourself from insecurity and
desperation, which allows you to act.
Risk lets you be real – instead of relying on phony techniques

that conceal who you really are.
However, risking, without direction, is dangerous too.
But when you learn to use your desire – to date the kinds of
women you want – to guide your risks, the experience propels you to
success.
It gives you all the lessons you need. And that’s what you’re
going to learn here.
You’re going to learn exactly how to change your thinking so

that you’re prepared to start experiencing success with women.
How to Prepare Your Thinking

for Succeeding With Women
How do you prepare your thinking?
What’s required?
What we’re after is an ATTITUDE.
Ultimately, what will bring you success with women and dating,
like any other desire in life, is to develop a specific attitude toward
both: yourself and women in general.
The reason is simple:
Attitude accounts for about 80% of success, while specific things

“to do”, like techniques, account for only 20%.
So focus on the attitude! It is attitude that creates opportunities

as all your actions reflect that attitude.

9 Dating Principles
That’s why certain attitudes magnetically attract women, while

others repel women. And if you want to attract women, you have to
develop a specific kind of attitude.
But what exactly is an attitude?
And how do you cultivate the kind that women find attractive?
Well, an attitude is a team of responses. What this means is that

it no longer becomes a matter of doing the “right thing”, but rather
living from a certain perspective, which naturally attracts women.
Essentially, it’s about learning to say “No.”
Now, a powerful attitude like this is developed through

DISCIPLINE.
But what is discipline?
Discipline is simply the practice of following a framework of

PRINCIPLES that harmonize with natural laws – and the nature of
women’s behavior.
Women are attracted to disciplined men with strong wills who

refuse to compromise on their principles. And women are repulsed by
men who don’t have any principles guiding their lives – or men who
compromise on their principles.
Sure, it may be faster to get lucky and leave things to chance

without principles, but doing that limits and removes your choices.
Then you have to settle for what you can get.
And what you do get usually depletes over time.
But though following a principle path may be a slower process in

the beginning because it’s deliberate, it’s not only more adventurous
but you get exactly what you want.
And as you get more experienced, the results begin to multiply

rapidly and exponentially.

10 Dating Principles
Multiply Your Results by Using

the 5 Dynamic Dating Principles
There are five powerful principles that, if you apply all of them to
your dating life, you can never really lose.
These principles simply guide you into knowing what you want to
say “No” to.
And when you get good at applying them in real life situations or
interactions, you will get the woman you want. And more importantly,
you will get the kind of relationships or dynamic interactions you want,
where you’re always in control and powerful!
And although these principles are applied to women and dating

here, their purpose is to improve and center yourself.
It’s all about you.
It’s about accepting responsibility and making a change. Then

you’re ready to welcome the circumstances you desire.
After you’ve learned how to apply each one of these principles in

your life, you will be prepared to truly transform your dating life.
So here are the five powerful principles that will revolutionize

your dating life...
1) Be Valuable!
2) Be Positive!
3) Be Congruent!
4) Be Cool!
5) Be Present!

Principle #1:
Be Valuable!
Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who knows that
he is valuable, and is also aware of just how valuable he is.
Being valuable means that you accept responsibility for yourself

and your life because you know that you are worthy.
You know that you deserve to get what you want. And you also
know that you refuse to settle for anything less!
Cultivate the attitude that says:
“I am valuable in and of myself.”

This is the most important principle to master... for it is the
foundation on which the remaining four are formed.
When you can admit and accept that every circumstance and
every situation you find yourself in is of your making and therefore
under your control, you empower yourself to throw out the excuses
and overcome any difficulties you face.
You remove all the obstacles and illusions that attempt to

convince you that you have little or no value.

Having self-value will do more for your success with women and
dating than anything else.
Now, to become valuable, you must stop “devaluing” yourself,

especially through the behavior you practice around women.
You must understand the reasons why guys don’t believe they
are valuable by being able to recognize the symptoms, and then
practice eliminating these symptoms from your behavior.
So here’s the list of the ‘symptoms of unworthiness’... when it

comes to dealing with women:
• Desperation
• Clinginess
• Jealousy
• Excuses
As you go through them, notice if any apply to you.
Then, what you need to do is stop the very thoughts before the
symptoms even begin to show themselves in your communication.
No Desperation!
Nothing... I repeat: NOTHING repels women like desperation.
Desperation is the biggest symptom guys exhibit that completely
destroy their chances with women.
Allowing yourself to be desperate is not only disrespectful to

yourself, it lowers your values you in women’s eyes.
When you’re desperate for a woman, what you’re telling her is,
“You’re better than me. You’re also the answer to all my problems in
life. And even though you believe this, I know it a lie.”
See, if a guy believes a woman is better than him, she’ll believe

it too. This also tends to place a lot of pressure on her... and women
do not like this kind of pressure.
In fact, a woman wants to get the best man she can. And if
you’re desperate, you’re telling her that it definitely isn’t you!

Desperation is often expressed through the attitude that you

have to “win” or “buy” a woman’s heart.
This involves giving things to her at your own expense, with the
intention of getting something in return. Generally, involving money,
things like dinners, gifts, drinks, flowers, etc.
But this is beyond desire. It’s desperation.
Now, there is a fine line between desire and desperation, just as

there is also a fine line between passion and obsession.
So what makes the distinction? Where is that line?
The answer is simple:
It’s found in having no attachment to a woman! So if you place

more value on yourself and your own life than on getting a woman,
and even though you’re interested in a woman, that will be interpreted
as desire.
Desperation is when you value getting a woman more than your

own life.
It can be summed up with these two statements...
“I may want you, but I don’t need you.”

See, one of the biggest lies our culture seems to teach when it
comes to “romance” is the idea that “I can’t live without her.”
What BS!
The only person you can’t live without is yourself.
In fact, you could live without any woman before you met her. It
makes no difference afterwards, except, perhaps, in the mind.
So the second statement is:
“I may like you, but no more than I like myself.”

The truth is, no woman is worth valuing more than yourself and
your own life, so always focus on yourself.
Essentially, what this means is that you let no woman become

something in your life that gives you your sense of value. If, in your
mind, you’re “using” a woman as a way to validate yourself or give
you value, you’re headed for disaster.
Value yourself independent of outside circumstances – that’s the

only thing of importance.
So avoid getting so attached that walking away would cause you

to lose a sense of that “inner value”.
Now, keep this in mind:
Remember that it is the guys who let themselves get attached to

a woman. And they do this by thinking about a woman when she’s not
there instead of working at improving their lives or getting what they
want in life.
Here’s a simple concept to help stop yourself from obsessing

over a woman:
The only time worth thinking about a woman is when you are
actually communicating with her, whether out on a date or on the
phone.
Avoid thinking about her when she’s not with you!
So whenever you catch yourself starting to think about a woman

and start “dreaming” or “fantasizing” about her, think: “No
desperation!”
No Clinginess!
Clinginess is another big symptom of unworthiness. Similar to
desperation, clinginess will also repel women quickly.
Here’s the run-down:

Women want a man who is secure in himself. They want a man

who is independent. And basically what clinginess says is, “I’m not
independent or secure enough to be all by myself.”
Clinginess is often expressed through behavior where a guy feels

like he always has to be with someone. So if a woman moves away, he
moves closer.
He feels like he always has to be right ‘beside her’.
Generally, this involves giving time to women as if it were

worthless to you. But your time is really one of your most important
resources.
Now, clinginess includes doing things like always being available

to get together with a woman at the drop of a hat, calling her too
often, or using every chance to talk to her.
This kind of insecurity will send women for the hills!
Again, there’s a simple answer to overcoming clinginess:
Live your life the way you want! Do what you want to do!
Look at it this way: Work at making your life the party, and then
you give her the invitation.
It can be summed up with:
“I’m living my life and you’re welcome to join me

– if you treat me with respect.”
So whenever you communicate or get together with a woman,
avoid making the woman the “party” – or the “center of attention”.
Stop focusing the “date” or meeting around the woman.
Instead, center it around yourself and enjoying your life. Center

it around having a fun time, and giving her a great experience.
This is key.
Now, the main reason clinginess surfaces is exactly because the

guy makes the woman the center of the date.

And no woman wants that kind of pressure.
So whenever you’re getting together with a woman and you

notice that you start placing the excitement directly on the woman
instead of enjoying yourself and showing her a good time, think: “No
clinginess!”
No Jealousy!
Jealousy is among the top three killers of success in being
attractive to women.
So where does jealousy come from?
Essentially, it comes when a guy believes he is of little value and

than projects that insecurity onto a woman.
But the truth is: it has nothing to do with her.
The real issue is with the guy letting himself become jealous
because he thinks that he “owns” or “possesses” a woman.
Now, when a guy is jealous, he is telling a woman, “I don’t

believe I deserve you, but I’m going try to make you like me by acting
like a complete lunatic.”
But you know what?
A woman wants to be deserved! In fact, it’s the best kind of

flattery she can get... that a great guy is giving her a chance.
Again, jealousy comes from a guy attaching himself to a woman.

It’s almost as if he has his entire life revolving around her, he has big
plans for her in his life... so early!
Sometimes, even before the first date.
Jealousy is often expressed through the attitude that there is a

chance a guy might lose the woman. It involves things like becoming
immobilized when a woman talks to other men, or talks about other
men.

The answer is to let things take their course one step at a time.
If you just met a woman or went out on one date, stop thinking about
being her boyfriend.
Instead, focus finding out if she’s the kind of woman you want.
It can be summed up with this...
“I deserve the exact woman I want... let’s see if

you’re her.”
So start seeing your dating life as qualifying women instead of
trying to get a woman where you want her. You’ll get there if you give
your attention to the process and she is suitable.
The Screening Process in “Cool Guy with Women” teaches you

exactly how to do this.
So if you ever find yourself thinking that you’re going to lose

your chances with a woman, remind yourself that continuing to think
like that will make it happen.
Instead take it as it comes by thinking: “No jealousy!”
No Excuses or Justifications!
Making excuses or justifications for your short-comings is
another symptom of unworthiness, and a big turn off to women.
Women want a man who is confident and knows that he can and
will achieve what he wants.
Excuses and justifications are cope-outs... and she knows it.
So making excuses for short-comings is a sign of insecurity. It’s

a symptom of seeing value yourself or believing that you are of any
worth.
When you being your excuses and justifications to women, they

here this: “I don’t think I meet up to your standards, but please let it
slide.”

Basically, it involves giving women reasons why you don’t “meet

up to par” or giving reasons why you couldn’t “come through”.
“It’s not my fault,” is what the subtext says.
Now, the answer is to know what you want, be aware of where

you are, be open to learning how to get what you want, and finally
take actions toward that everyday.
Really, this has much more to do with getting your personal life
organized, but it can be summed up with...
“There are difficulties to overcome, but I have a

plan to get what I want.”
So, with women, stop making excuses for why you aren’t who
you want to be today or for not having what you want yet. Instead,
develop plans and act on them.
Simply, say nothing. She’ll see that.
And really, that’s all that’s necessary. So there’s nothing “to do”
with women here – except to stopping making excuses or justifying
who you are right now.
So if you’re ever out with a woman and one of your

shortcomings rolls into the picture, think: “No excuses or
justifications!” And then blow it off with the kind of humor taught in
“Cool Guy with Women”.

Principle #2:
Be Positive!
Women love being around men who are positive! In fact, nobody
likes being around negative people.
Nobody likes to be around someone who complains about every

little problem.
Being positive means that when you encounter a problem, you

accept its presence and immediately shift to finding a solution, rather
than concentrating on the problem itself.
Build the attitude that says:
“I focus on the bright side of everything.”

But what determines what side a person looks at? Why do some
people focus on the problem, while others look for the solution?
It comes down to one decision: do you want to enjoy your life?
Guys who want to enjoy their lives realize that every moment is
life, regardless of what is present – or missing. And they can either
notice all the things that are wrong or deficient in the moment... or

they can give their attention to what they have, the abundance they
are experiencing.
When you make a commitment to welcome only positive

thoughts, you become aware of when negative thoughts attempt to
intrude.
This doesn’t mean, however, that the problem is ignored.
In “Cool Guy with Women” I teach conversation techniques on

how to prevent these negatives thoughts from growing in your
interactions with women.
Having the ability to navigate through and around any negativity

a woman throws at you will only create a vacuum of attraction toward
you because guys who focus on the positive are rare!
Now, there are two general situations to be aware of when it

comes to fortifying your positivity.
So here are the ‘symptoms of pessimism’...
• Complaining
• Negativity
The key to overcoming these is to give your attention to

enjoying your life! And when women notice you enjoying your life...
they’ll want to be a part of it too.
No Complaining!
There seems to be a common understanding with men that
women complain. And sure, this may be so in most cases.
But the truth is, even if women complain, they are attracted to
men who, somehow, mysteriously, can prevent even them from
complaining...
A man who allows only positive outlooks into his life.
Now, this doesn’t mean that he lives in a perfect world. It just

means that he approaches difficulties with curiosity and something to
be faced and overcome – rather than avoided.

How do most men respond to a woman’s complaints?
They listen to women’s problems, and then attempt to give them

solutions. After all, “If she’s telling me about a problem, why does she
get upset when I give her the solution?” some wonder. “Why do they
then start complaining that I’m not listening to them!?”
Here’s the secret:
What these men don’t realize is that women don’t want a

solution to their problem. What women really want is not to have their
problems listened to in the first place!
Sound ironic?
See, the woman’s problem isn’t the problem. The real problem is
the issue.
The problem is her complaining!
This will unlikely be admitted by any woman, but, as is explained

in detail in “Cool Guy with Women”, women want a man that can pull
her into his positive world – instead of a man who allows himself to be
pulled into her negative world.
So a major key to dealing with women is to say “No” to any

complaining about personal problems.
And this means yours as well!
So if you want to be intimate with a woman, nothing will prevent

that like listening to her problems and trying to be her friend.
It simply doesn’t work that way in real life.
Here’s “million-dollar” question:
Do you want to spend time with a woman you’re interested in

talking about problems... or enjoying yourselves?
If you’re like me, you want to enjoy yourselves.
The choice truly is yours!

It can be summed up with this...
“All complaining about what is not my

responsibility or what I can’t change is
unacceptable behavior!”
So start noticing when women start to complain, and ask
yourself what you could have done or communicated that would have
prevented it – before she brought it up.
Learn from it, and apply it next time.
Also pay attention to the “seeds” of complaining.
Complaining usually starts small and most times it could have

been “defused” if you would have caught earlier on before it grew.
So start looking for those opportunities.
And finally, never complain about your problems to a woman

who you’re interested in dating. It will repel her.
What you’re telling her when you do this is, “I’m irresponsible.”
This usually tends to bring out a woman’s “motherly” side toward

you. So she’ll start seeing you as a “pet project” that she has to “clean
up” or “fix” rather than someone she wants to get involved with.
But you want her to see you as lover material, right?
So any time you notice a woman going into complaining mode,

remind yourself you want a romantic relationship, so always
remember: “No complaining!”
No Negativity!
Obviously, the world is filled with both negatives and positives.
But the real question is: do you want your world to be filled with the
negative things in life, or the positive?

Sure, you may not be able to control the world. But one thing is
certain:
You have complete control over your own thoughts! And your
thoughts determine whether you’ll view experiences are positive or
negative.
So start thinking:
“I always move toward the positive, leaving the

negative behind as a side-effect.”
Again, do you want to enjoy life, or be beaten by it?
Women want a man who enjoys it!
And women always find men who let life beat them repulsive.
A man who enjoys his life for himself, understands that

attracting success with women is not the reason, but a great benefit –
a great addition.
Essentially, interacting with a woman is simply communicating

what kind of world you live in. So when you initiate with a woman,
you’re letting her know what she will experience if she hangs out with
you.
Now, think about this for a moment:
How do you start conversations with women? Or people in

general? What kind of small talk do you make?
Generally, would you say it’s negative... or positive?
“Awful weather we’re having, isn’t it? There’s been no sun in

three days!”
How’s a woman going to respond to that? She’s going to think

about it, and then probably agree.
This isn’t welcoming her into a positive state of mind.

“This weather reminds me of being a boy. Having fun in the rain,

and not giving a damn whether I got soaked.”
How about that?
A woman may already be thinking about how poor the weather

is, and then this guy starts thinking about all these positive memories
about it. Perhaps, she’ll think back to her childhood too.
Unless the woman has a poor attitude, which you want to avoid
anyway, you’ll be welcoming her into a positive state of mind.
Really, it’s a matter of accepting what you can’t change, and

then interpreting it to your benefit. This means no discussions about
the negative side of things that you can’t change...
Ever!
So whenever you’re out with a woman and things don’t go your

way, remember that if you have no direct control over the situation,
you always have the power over how you perceive and respond to it!
Just remind yourself to think: “No negativity!”

Principle #3
Be Congruent!
Women love men who are honest about their intentions. After all, no
one likes to be deceived or feel like they were manipulated into doing
something.
So a man who is open and honest with his intentions and is rare,
and that’s what congruency is all about.
Being congruent means that your actions and words match what
you’re thinking. There’s a clear translation between who you are and
what you do.
Simply put, it’s the state of being authentic.
But if being congruent is so powerful with women, why are a lot

of men incongruent?
Well, to some men, getting what they want is more important to

them than being true to themselves. With women, “getting” her is
more important than communicating who they really are.
This tends to lead to all kinds of seduction techniques, which do

work... in the short-term.

But if you want the choice of success both, in the short-term and
the long-term, being real is the way to go.
So develop the attitude that says:
“I have an identity independent of you.”

This is incredibly powerful because then a woman will always
know who she’s dealing to. She’ll know a guy isn’t pretending to be
someone he’s not just to impress or win her.
See, when your identity has nothing to do with a woman’s

opinion, her attraction for you multiplies.
She knows she’s communicating with the real man within, not
some front used to mask a guy’s insecurities and hiding who he really
is.
So here are the main ‘symptoms of incongruence’...
• Disclosure
• Apology
Now, the key to overcoming these is to be real. And what that

means is that you prevent yourself from compensating for any
insecurities or perceived deficiencies.
No Disclosure!
As discussed in “Cool Guy with Women”, women love mystery.
And by simply not disclosing or volunteering personal information
about yourself and your life, you naturally create mystery.
So avoid talking about your personal plans.
Do what you want to do on your own time, and stop talking

about what you’d like to do.
Talk goes only a short distance. But action defines who you are,
and also reveals who you are to a woman. It goes a long way.

See, when guys voluntarily talk about themselves in a way that

appears to make them look more valuable, they’re trying to prove
themselves.
Women can spot this a mile away – and it’s repulsive to them.
So stop boasting about who you are, what you can do, or what
you have. Instead, just let her figure it out for herself.
Start believing this:
“I don’t have to prove myself to anyone – least of

all to you.”
So be who you are and do what you want and stop trying to
actively use it as a way to impress her.
Honestly, the idea that you have to prove yourself communicates

to women that your sense of self is wrapped up in her opinions.
But that’s not true at all. Who you are is defined by your
character: what you do, how you think.
Ultimately, that’s what women see. That’s what they really look
at when evaluating men.
See, the only opinion that should really matter to you is the
opinion you have of yourself.
So whenever you notice the desire to prove yourself to a woman

or brag about yourself slipping into your mind, think: “No
disclosure!”
No Apologies!
Naturally, women love confident men. But when a guy
continually apologizes for his behavior, he’s trying to excuse himself
from taking responsibility for himself simply because he’s met by some
form of disapproval.
Ultimately, he lacks identity.

And if he does something and a woman disapproves of it, he

tries to win her approval back by apologizing for it.
Essentially, he’s trying to erase what he did – he’s trying to

erase himself.
But attraction has nothing to do with winning a woman’s

approval. No! It has everything to do with having integrity! And, in a
sense, not caring whether you get approval or not.
Instead of trying to win approval, cultivate this attitude instead:
“This is who I am and where I’m at right now –

and if you don’t like it, you’re more than welcome
to leave. In fact, I encourage you to do so!”
Having the guts to stand up for yourself, and having the power
to say “No” to anyone, is a very attractive trait.
A lot of guys think that in order to be successful with women,

they have to please her.
But the opposite is true. Trying to please her by adjusting your

behavior to match who she thinks you should be will create failure.
Instead, align your behavior with who you want to be.
This means that you eliminate all apologizing for your behavior.
So if a woman sees something you do in your life as unacceptable,
don’t change it for her.
“Cool Guy with Women” teaches you exactly how to handle

yourself in these situations. It teaches you how to find that fine
balance between no apologies, yet no animosity.
And that’s attractive to women.
So make no apologies for who you are. Yes, if you don’t like your
behavior, change it for yourself – but never for a woman, or anyone
else.

Again, if a woman criticizes you, don’t make any explanations for

what you’ve done. It’s her problem for not accepting you. It’s not your
problem that you don’t fit her mold.
It’s hers!
She can accept who you are – or find someone else!
So whenever you get any kind of disapproval from a woman,

always remember, “No apologies!”

Principle #4:
Be Cool!
It’s no secret, women love cool guys. But what does it mean to be
cool?
What exactly is cool?
Cool is not an image. It’s not vanity. It’s not doing the right
thing at the right time, necessarily.
Being cool is about maintaining balance. It’s the ability to be

calm, collected, and poised – no matter what the external situation is.
Really, it’s a matter of directing your responses and mastering

your emotions.
So develop the attitude that says:
“I have control over the way I choose to

respond to outside influences.”
It all about composure!

What that means is that you have the inner confidence that, no
matter what kind of spinning events life throws your way, you are able
to respond to them in a way without losing ‘your cool’.
Essentially, being cool is the ability to direct your thinking, your

responses, and not be influenced by others without first making the
decision.
See, expecting a specific end, especially when it concerns a

woman, will make them uncomfortable. Women can sense when I guy
has an agenda very quickly.
And by being cool, you kick all agendas out of your mind and
start accepting whatever happens. You have no expectations.
Here are the ‘symptoms of anxiety’...
• End-gaining
• Manipulation
• Arguing
Now, the key to overcoming these symptoms is to be

independent in your thinking.
This means that your experience is whole without needing any

outside actions or events to happen to make it complete, like having a
woman give you her number or let you kiss her.
No End-Gaining!
To borrow a term from a man whose work has been highly
influential to me, FM Alexander, end-gaining is a habit of focusing
one’s attention mostly on “the prize”... or the “end”.
End-gaining is the eager attitude of neglecting the process

necessary to bring about the conditions to achieve a certain end, by
instead, focusing only on the end itself.
So with women, this can be anything from getting her phone

number to sleeping with her to getting into a long-term relationship.
By placing all your focus on these “hallmarks”, you have no

attention to give to the process, which is necessary to bring you there.

And though end-gaining is popular in Western culture, it gets in

the way of achieving long-term success.
See, when a guy approaches women and dating this way, he

tends to get caught up in “doing the right thing”.
Yet trying too hard to be right has a way of pressurizing a guy’s

thinking... and ultimately removes all chances of actually bringing
about the circumstances he wants.
Instead, develop that attitude that says:
“I’m comfortable being exactly where I am, so

there’s nothing you could give me that would
make me feel complete.”
So instead of “I need her number,” think “I want her number...
but I’m going to see what her personality is like first.”
Instead of “I need to impress her,” think “I’ll be real... and see if

she impresses me.”
Instead of “I need to sleep with her,” think “I want to sleep with

her... but I’m going to enjoy myself no matter what happens.”
You get the point.
By giving attention to the process, the end will take care of

itself. So give your attention to process and forget the end... and it will
happen naturally as a side-effect.
So every time you catch yourself focusing on achieving a specific

end or getting an outcome with a woman, think, “No end-gaining!”
No Manipulation!
Though some women may argue it verbally or deny it when
asked, they really love a guy who respects himself by refusing to let
anyone control him, his way of thinking, or his actions...

And yes! Even hers.
Not only that, but a man who has this kind of control will never
try to control a woman.
Have you ever noticed that it’s those people in life who have no
control over themselves who are the ones who try to control others to
compensate for it?
That’s manipulation is really all about.
And the truth is, most people will get what they can take from
you... if they sense you’re willing to give it freely.
When it comes to women, if they sense any desperation in you –

they know that you’d “do anything” for them – sometimes some
women will take advantage of that.
And even without seeing signs of desperation, they may attempt

to manipulate you.
A big secret to attraction, and being successful in the Dating

World, is to be aware of how women try to manipulate you, and then
to communicate this message:
“All manipulation is unacceptable behavior.”

Refer to Chapter 14 of “Cool Guy with Women” for more on this.
I describe the three main ways women use to try to manipulate men
and all the options available to you in dealing with it.
In short, women use their emotions in three distinct ways to

attempt to break your composure.
And mistaking these emotional “shows” for reality is the biggest

factor when guys allow themselves to be manipulated. They believe
that these “sensitive” behaviors women display are real, when all they
are is manipulative tactics.
You have to start seeing them for what they really are, and not
being disillusioned by them.
So when a woman tries to use manipulative behavior on you,

you have a choice to make:

You can remain unaffected by their emotional tactics and remain

cool... or you can give in to them, and lose your cool.
And losing your cool is a sure way to lose a woman.
The bottom line is you have to learn how to make the distinction
between whose problem is at work, so that when a woman throws any
kind of emotional behavior your way, you can recognize that it’s her
problem...
Not yours!
Then you stop yourself from being affected by it.
So whenever a woman starts getting emotional and tries to use

one of the three emotional tactics on you, remember, “No
manipulation!”
No Arguing!
If you want rapport with women and to setup the condition
necessary for a healthy relationship, arguing will destroy what you’ve
worked for.
Ever noticed that most arguments are a result of having

conflicting views with someone, then taking it personally?
Most arguments are over trivial things that don’t even matter.
But the result is destructive and not worth it. So avoid arguing to
justify your opinions and instead, let a woman have her opinions.
There’s no point trying to change her.
For if you try, all you’ll communicating is that she’s not “good
enough” the way she is.
Think about it:
There will always be people in life that have contrary views and
lifestyles to your own. That’s the reality. But how you deal with these
differences determines how attractive or repulsive you are to women.

And of course the great power you have is that you choose who
you associate with. You choose the women you date.
This is the attractive attitude to develop...
“I’m cool with anything you do – as long as it

doesn’t invade my personal boundaries.”
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. But it does
mean that you don’t judge them for it as being “wrong”... while you’re
“right”.
Essentially, it comes down to a matter of accepting everybody

else for who they are... and not trying to change anyone because
“They’re wrong and I’m right”.
When guys can’t accept others, it’s a matter of them believing

their way is right. But it’s their problem... a problem of their ego.
Confidence goes a long way with women, but ego does not! So
don’t confuse the two.
Instead, let the differences arouse your curiosity.
But at the same time, just because you accept people does not
mean that if they behave toward you in any way you consider
disrespectful or unacceptable that you should let it slide.
Not at all!
But simply, stop getting offended by the way other people live
their own lives.
It doesn’t mean you have to agree with it but don’t allow it to

interrupt your balance by becoming irritable.
Remain cool.
On the flipside, if a woman ever tries to start an argument with

you over your behavior, there’s no reason to get defensive.

Again: her only choice is to accept you. And if she disagrees with
your behavior (which doesn’t violate her rights), it’s her problem.
So there’s no need to defend yourself... ever!
Being defensive, again, is a problem of the ego... of believing “I

have the right way.”
When guys get defensive, they generally believe they’re right,

but it’s clear that what they think is inaccurate according to the result
they want.
It’s just that they’re unwilling to accept that they are the cause.
And because they refuse to acknowledge this, what they’ll often

do is start to generate excuses to hold on to their idea – to continue to
‘be right’.
And when guys get into situations like this with a woman,
instantly, it repels her. Instantly, it breaks any rapport they may have
had up until that point.
So whenever you and a woman don’t see eye to eye, accept the
difference. It’s not a matter of being right or wrong... or who’s right
and who’s wrong. It’s a matter of maintaining open communication.
If you notice any differences getting heated, just remember:

“No arguing!”

Principle #5:
Be Present!
Romance, to a woman, is being swept into an adventure. It’s being
pulled out of the routine of her life into a moment that unfolds – with
anticipation meeting her at every turn.
“What’s going to happen next? Every moment is more enjoyable

than the next!” she thinks.
Now, having the ability to welcome a woman into an experience

like that is powerful.
And honestly, it can be done by being here now!
What being present means is that you allow yourself to “live in

the moment”. It means that you free yourself from regretting what
didn’t happen in the past and from worrying about what may not
happen in the future.
However, it doesn’t mean that you become reckless. It doesn’t

mean that you ignore the consequences of certain actions and
behaviors.
But it does mean that you take risks, face your fears, and live
today as if it were your last:

“What I have is this moment. So let’s only think about this

moment until the next one arrives.”
Cultivate the attitude that says:
“This is the most important moment I

have!”
See, being here and now is the essence of personal freedom and
more than anything, women love free-spirited men for their attitude or
outlook on life always creates adventure.
So let’s take a look at the ‘symptoms of worry’. When it comes

to women, they take the form of:
• “Discussions”
• Approval-Seeking
So the simple key to overcoming these symptoms is to be

indifferent to getting to where you want to go.
Instead, you’re having too much fun enjoying the journey that
the destination doesn’t cross your mind until you get there.
The direction is all that’s important in the moment, for the

destination can’t arrive without it.
No Discussion!
Sure, women seem to have this tendency to want to “talk about”
or “discuss your relationship”. But the truth is: if you go along with it,
you are shutting down the relationship.
“Cool Guy with Women” discusses that a part of creating

chemistry is to communicate in a way that says, “I’m a challenge.” Or
“I challenge you to win me.”
In short, what this means is that you leave “definitions” open as

you date a woman. Essentially, you must keep her guessing.

So avoid placing a “tag” on your relationships with women and

you also prevent her from trying to tag it – until, and if, you decide to
go steady months down the road.
See, when you let yourself get into these discussions with
women about your relationship, what you’re doing is killing all
challenge! And maintaining a good proportion of challenge in a
relationship is half the “success equation”.
By discussing your emotions and feelings, you lay all your cards
on the table. In fact, it takes the thrill out of dating for her.
And women, even though they may push for it, don’t respond
well to it if you want a healthy relationship with them.
The attitude to cultivate says:
“My actions communicate my intentions and

feelings!”
So stop getting involved in women’s discussion about your
relationships with them until they’ve proved they’re worthy and you
want to go steady.
But avoid bringing up the subject yourself, and avoid asking

questions like these:
“How do you like me so far?

”Do you have feelings for me?”
“Would you ever date a guy like me?”
“Am I your type?”
Never give a woman your power.
See, what you’re communicating when you ask such silly

questions is that you’re waiting for her instead of her waiting to get
into a relationship with you.
Without challenge, a woman won’t see you as being valuable.
So don’t talk about where things are going. Instead, act and let
them go there. The experience is much better and productive to
establishing your relationship than trying to “plan” it out with her.

Just remember, whenever a woman becomes inquisitive about

you, your feelings, or your relationship with her, or if you feel the need
to ask a woman about what she thinks about you, think: “No
discussions!”
No Approval-Seeking!
Approval-seeking – the biggest urge to say no to if you want
success with women and dating! And if you’ll notice, approval-seeking
factors into most of the other principles above.
And the message you want to convey is: “No. I do not need your
approval!”
Develop the attitude that communicates:
“I give myself permission to act as I please, and as

long as it doesn’t violate your rights, it’s none of
your affair.”
Like so many of the principles covered here, women “like” guys
who seek their approval. But they also despise them!
Approval-seekers make great friends, but rarely lovers... not the

kind of lover a woman really needs, anyway.
Women’s behavior and what attracts them seem to be in

continual paradox.
So what does it mean to be an approval-seeker?
Simply, it means that a guy looks to a woman for permission

before he takes action. He waits, or asks if it would be okay with her if
he did this, or did that.
This kills attraction and prevents chemistry from growing.
Some of the most popular approval-seeking questions guys use

are:

“Can I have your number?”

“Will you go out with me?”
“Can I hold your hand?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Is it okay if we go to this restaurant?”
Basically, any question or action that gives a woman the choice

over your decisions is approval-seeking. It’s any action you may take
that gives a woman all the power.
But if approval-seeking is such a huge barrier to succeeding with

women, why is it so popular with a lot of guys?
Well, the root is fear.
See, guys don’t want to be rejected by a woman, so they look to

her for reassurance. They want a guarantee from her that they won’t
make a fool of themselves.
They want to be certain that they succeed.
But you know what?
It is exactly the courage to take a risk and face the possibility of

rejection that women love in a man! It is the confidence that goes
along without needing anyone’s approval.
Now, for some reason, most guys have been led to believe that
they have to appease a woman to win her. They have to impress her.
But the reality is the opposite:
You don’t need to impress her. You don’t need to win her. You
don’t need her to approve of you or your actions.
All these things will work against you.
But when you learn to let go of it all, you create an atmosphere

where a woman wants to impress you... wants to win you... and
sometimes, wants you to approve of her.

“Cool Guy with Women” spends a lot of time discussing

approval-seeking and how to overcome it in your thinking by changing
your perspective.
The idea is simply really but sometimes more difficult to put into
practice:
Stop looking to a woman for permission or definition about the

role you play in your relationship. Instead, just act – and if she’s okay
with it, you continue.
Stop checking if things are okay with a woman, verbally. Do it,

and if you cross a line, she’ll let you know.
Instead of asking to hold her hand, hold it!
Instead of asking her to kiss her, kiss her!
Give yourself permission! Make a move!
And naturally, you want to notice the response you get.
So whenever you catch yourself wondering whether a woman

will be okay with something you want to do, think: “No approval-
seeking!”

Review the Dating Principles

and the Underlining Attitudes
1) Be Valuable!
“I am valuable in and of myself.”
No Desperation!
“I may want you, but I don’t need you.”
“I may like you, but no more than I like myself.”
No Clinginess!
“I’m living my life and you’re welcome to join me – if you treat
me with respect.”
No Jealousy!
“I deserve the exact woman I want... let’s see if you’re her.”
No Excuses!
“There are difficulties to overcome, but I have a plan to get what
I want.”
2) Be Positive!
“I focus on the bright side of everything.”
No Complaining!
“All complaining about what is not my responsibility or what I
can’t change is unacceptable behavior.”
No Negativity!
“I always move toward the positive, leaving the negative behind
as a side-effect.”

3) Be Congruent!
“I have an identity independent of you.”
No Disclosure!
“I don’t have to prove myself to anyone – least of all to you.”
No Apologies!
“This is who I am and where I’m at right now – and if you don’t
like it, you’re more than welcome to leave. In fact, I encourage
you to do so!”
4) Be Cool!
“I have control over the way I choose to
respond to outside influences.”
No End-Gaining
“I’m comfortable being exactly where I am, so there’s nothing
you could give me that would make me feel complete.”
No Manipulation!
“All manipulation is unacceptable behavior.”
No Arguing!
“I’m cool with anything you do – as long as it doesn’t invade my
personal boundaries.”

5) Be Present!
“This is the most important moment I
have.”
No Discussion!
“My actions communicate my intentions and feelings.”
No Approval-Seeking!
“I give myself permission to act as I please, and as long as it
doesn’t violate your rights, it’s none of your affair.”

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1 Dating Principles

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

5 Simple Yet Powerful Guidelines

This book may not be reprinted in part or in whole

Jay Julio and coolguywithwomen.com cannot be held legally liable

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

What You Really Need to

These principles are a set of easy to follow practical guidelines

And here’s the reason why:

Women are naturally attracted to men who have a specific

So essentially what this book is really about is laying down the

Really, it has little to do with women.

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

And by simply changing the way you respond to women and

See, I’m under the strong impression that it doesn’t really

The truth is: women will never make you happy.

That’s your responsibility BEFORE you even invite women into

And after all, would you be truly happy if you become

Now, most dating advice seems to be aimed at improving your

No doubt about it.

In fact, I cover how to improve personality in “Cool Guy with

But if you want long-term success – or in other words, you

And that’s what the entire focus of this eBoolet is on.

The Secret to Getting the

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Having the principles fresh and in the forefront of your mind is

Now, making mistakes is important, so don’t go around trying to

And there’s a critical reason why you need to know this:

So instead of applying them to get what you want for yourself, it

And it all starts with...

The Most Powerful Word in the World!

And this word is at the foundation of all choices – for your

See, what makes a guy great with women or a failure with

But have ever thought about what choice really is?

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

If you boil it down, choice can be summed up with but one

“No, I will not do that.”

That’s really what it’s all about.

Change the Way You Think About Dating

No! Success begins by changing the way you think.

Every circumstance in your life, even if you’re not aware of it, is

Well, the same applies to dating. So if your dating life is poor,

So by change your thinking, you change the circumstances in

Now, there seems to be two kinds of thinking guys have when it

What it comes down to is making a choice between SECURITY

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

Risk lets you be real – instead of relying on phony techniques

However, risking, without direction, is dangerous too.

You’re going to learn exactly how to change your thinking so

How to Prepare Your Thinking

What we’re after is an ATTITUDE.

The reason is simple:

Attitude accounts for about 80% of success, while specific things

So focus on the attitude! It is attitude that creates opportunities

Dating Principles by Jay Julio © 2006, 2008, All Rights Reserved.

That’s why certain attitudes magnetically attract women, while

But what exactly is an attitude?

Well, an attitude is a team of responses. What this means is that

Essentially, it’s about learning to say “No.”

Now, a powerful attitude like this is developed through

But what is discipline?

Discipline is simply the practice of following a framework of