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Self Esteem vs. Ego

Self Esteem vs. Ego

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Published by jas2maui
What is self esteem and what is ego.
What is self esteem and what is ego.

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Published by: jas2maui on Oct 31, 2010
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05/12/2014

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SELF ESTEEM VS. EGO
There's a lot of talk about "self esteem", how to have it, what it is, what it means.However, what passes for self esteem is often simply ego. That might seem a perplexingstatement. First let's get a little clarity on whathealthyself esteem is. It is a balanced andunexaggerated self respect and self love. It combines a healthy regard for the self with ahealthy regard for others. Healthy self esteem esteems others as equally as the self.Others are treated and regarded as respectfully as the self.Ego, on the other hand, always believes in its own self importance above the importanceof others. Ego always requires outside approval, validation, and constant attention andgratification. Ego believes in its own superiority above all others. Some versions of egoinsist on inferiority as a role. Both inferiority and superiority are lies though, andvariations of the same theme -- of feeling "less than" others. Here are some ways torecognize ego and distinguish it from self esteem:1.) It's ego when we are condescending, rude or disrespectful of wait staff, retail clerks, parking valets, or anyone we imagine is "less important" than us. Those with healthy self esteem are respectful to all they come into contact with.2.) It's ego when we use anger to manipulate others, get our way, or attempt tocommunicate our supposed superiority. Those with healthy self esteem have healthy boundaries and desire to communicate respectfully and non-manipulatively.3.) Ego is about the one note song, "mi, mi, mi". When we talk incessantly aboutourselves and show no interest in others that comes from ego. A person with healthy self esteem does not need to be the center of attention at all times. Healthy self esteem is morefrequently expressed by showing genuine interest in others, and making sure conversationflows among all participants.4.) When we are expressing ego, we are spectacularly lacking in compassion. We judgeharshly, show no empathy, and find fault easily. When we are expressing healthy self esteem, we are able to be compassionate without being codependent (unable to sethealthy boundaries, "people pleaser"). We are able to understand the viewpoints of othersand have a genuine interest in them.5.) When we are being egotistical, we believe we know everything about everything andthat we are right about everything we "know". We believe that the opinions of others are"stupid", ill-advised and just plain wrong. When we are coming from healthy self esteem,we are willing to hear the opinions of others and we're able to entertain the notion thattheir opinion is their opinion and we don't have to agree. Both people can be right (andOK).6.) When we are coming from ego, we are unwilling to pay the least attention to theinterests of others. We single mindedly expect everyone to share our interests, but don'treciprocate. When we have healthy self esteem, we are curious about the interests of 

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