to go as close as I could to it because I wanted to examine it. That was the kind of boy that I was.Because of this, I would intentionally do things that were dangerous. I did things many times that made me wonder if Iwould die. Of course, I was always scared, but when that moment drew near, I was always calm.Just a little more. Just a little more and I can maybe see the answer. That was the feeling. At that level, I couldn't die. If I was at that level, I could do it. I wanted to see more and more into the next world. There were times I'd cheer myself up by telling myself that.For example, I loved bikes and when I was a teenager I would ride often. The city had a lot of curbs, and I think that atthat time, I had a strange way of getting up on the curb [lit: attack]. I didn't have any skill, but I felt I could get up tothat level. I really loved that feeling.I was going faster and faster, and when I crossed over one area, there was a second when I saw everything in slowmotion. That feeling lasted for a long time and it was as if I saw everything clearly. In that place that I crossed, surelysomething was there, and I wanted to see it. Because I wanted to savor that, I was reckless.Until I saw the revolving lantern, I would continue to drive at things with all my might. When I can see the revolvinglantern, it is the first time I have a consciousness of death. Then, I am in the place between life and death. Until I feltthat, I could not do things to the fullest. Now, I think, "That was strange." I was a dangerous child.I sought death and I didn't know the meaning of life. What does it mean to live? Where can I find the value of my lifeand existence?Truthfully, questions like that also had the opportunity to be born from my personal experiences when I was sevenyears old.After I drowned, I became able to see many things. That day, all boundaries were broken. After my eyes were opened,until now, I became able to see completely things that before I could not see. I couldn't distinguish between people whowere living and people who were not.When I talked to the people who were not living, it must have been bizarre watching me from the outside. My parentswere of course surprised."Who are you talking to?""Uncle.""Where is Uncle?"As they said that, they would laugh.Perhaps they laughed and ignored it. But didn't they ignore it because their hearts were afraid to face me?This began happening with more and more frequency, and I became thought of as very mentally strange. People talkedabout me, and I became uncertain of the meaning of my existence. Because I could see both live people and dead people, I didn't understand what life itself meant.This continued, and when I was ten years old, I suddenly collapsed. I had a violent pain in my stomach and intestines,and I couldn't move.After I was taken to the hospital, I was told that the cause was unknown. They told me that while that was the case, I probably had some sort of infectious disease.So I was suddenly isolated. Isolated, in confinement, thrown into a hospital ward that was more a prison. I think thatthey put me in the pediatric ward because I was so young. Children who were heavily ill, had infectious diseases, or had terminal illnesses were in that ward. Being ten years old, that's what I thought. All of them were in a cage, andwere likely to go down the corridor at any time.