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Dream Giver

Dream Giver

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Published by aveatquevale

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Published by: aveatquevale on Jul 28, 2008
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06/16/2009

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Dream-Giver
By: Caryl Tan
 Do you hate me?
Your voice still stirs and echoes in my soul. I remember the day when you hadfirst asked me that question. You were looking up at me with wide eyes that were filledwith even more life than mine. I remember holding your hand as an answer. What could Ihave said when I didn’t even know? I hated you because ever since we found out aboutyour cancer, the trouble of having to look after you, giving you what you needed, prevented me from living my own life. Your life became mine…but still, I persevered because I loved you too much.The two weeks we spent together, carrying on with our lives as if nothing hadhappened seem naïve now. The burden of having to
 pretend 
that this wasn’t happeningwas my heaviest one. Smiling, when I was sad, laughing when I wasn’t happy. But atleast, you were happy.Then, fate destroyed what we had. I vividly remember the day that you collapsedin the grocery store. And for the first time for as long as I can remember, I cried. It wasselfish of me to do so. You were the one who was entitled to show sadness, showemotion, show tears. Not me.A few days after you were taken to the hospital, I visited you and I could alreadysee the change in the colour of your skin. You were thin―haggard even. It was almost asif you were a corpse―half-dead and waiting for your angel of death to come for you. Ithad taken me so long to see you because I was unable to tear myself away from the toilsof my everyday obligations. Maybe I let my work get ahead of me on purpose so I
 
wouldn’t see you, or maybe everything was so hectic that I really didn’t have the time to be there for you. I don’t know.I brought a bouquet of flowers to cheer you up; you thanked me and told me to bring my ear closer to yours. Your voice was soft. It was almost inaudible, but I heardwhat you told me that day. Then, with the sun passing the horizon, you asked of me onelast favour.
 Kill me.
I told myself that I couldn’t. Immediately, I refused and turned away. I tried to notthink of even doing such a thing for you, but the thought of being free tempted me.
 If 
Ifulfilled what you wanted,
if 
I was free, I would be unbound by the shackles whichrestrained me to you, I would live my life again.Powerless to face the devil within me on my own, I finally turned my face awayfrom the floor and looked into your eyes. One look at your reassuring face caused mydemons to flee. You were once again full of life, sure of the decision you made. It waswhat you wanted. I smiled weakly and complied with your wish.Sneaking out that night, I carried you in my arms as I took you to our place: thesurreal lake where we shared a myriad of fond memories together. I grasped your bodytighter against mine and I looked up. Heaven was obscured behind a black veil whicheither subtly warned us of our insolence or acted as veneration to our vale of tears.With fresh droplets of melancholy forming in my eyes, I walked over to the water,taking your body with me. Then, you asked me that same question again.
 Do you hate me?
I shook my head. I feigned a smile.

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