Professional Documents
Culture Documents
When I ask myself "what am I writing really", the Oracle of Delphi answers "nothing that hasn’t
been done already." Is my world radical different from those of Carlos Castaneda, in his best selling
novels? Are my comic overtures any different from those of Tom Robbins, Christopher Moore, or
Douglass Adams? Are my ideas any stranger then Burroughs’ Naked Lunch or my hero’s gifts any
different from Dune’s Paul Atreides? And if I take five years to write something, and another five to
perfect it, isn't that the same amount of time "Gone with the Wind" took? I always thought the man
who said "frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" (a similar though shared by some readers of mine) was
a cad, until I saw the movie and thought – “Yes, she deserved it." Perhaps I should reminisce, like the
Grateful Dead, on what a long strange trip it’s been. Then one day I woke up, and in a flash of
enlightenment, remarked: "That's it. The creator builds a cosmic cartoon factory, and nobody gets it
but me. I either must be crazy, or I discovered the secret of life. I need to share this, but it needs to be
aged a bit – like a fine wine, with a distinctive taste, and an expensive price tag."
Story Background
Since antiquity, Indian epics like the Mahabharata and Ramayana have concerned themselves with
spiritual heroes overcoming the forces of demons and darkness. If such a hero were transported to
contemporary American pop culture, the tale might unfold like a cosmic comic book.
Filling such a role, Adrian Albright escapes from a mental institution just in time to witness Dr.
William Alter’s murder. The villain, Scorpion, has killed the doctor, and Adrian, as a reluctant witness,
is forced to hide in the criminal biker underworld lest he become the next victim. Recovering from a
coma, Adrian also regains his sanity and discovers he has acquired the gift of healing and the ability to
communicate with a mythical coyote figure. Aiding Adrian are his friends and allies: Ann Cutter,
former psychologist and current love interest; Rumi Rosenkreuz, mystic philosopher and man of
mystery; Danny (Doc) Holliday, black blues pianist and gunslinger accompanied by his antic monkey
metamorphosis from mental patient to spiritual hero before unsavory criminal elements can do him in,
and to live out the Beatles’ tune, I’ll Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.
REBIRTH
New Beginnings
Tonight, Death, a regular aboard ambulance six, was waiting to welcome another passenger.
Enter the patient from Montana Psychiatric Hospital, an institute that developed experimental therapies
The two attendants, Barney and Harry, had worked this routine for years. They had seen
everything—gunshot wounds, knife wounds, limbs nearly severed in auto accidents and patients
screaming in pain, begging for quick release from their misery as Sam the driver drowned their cries in
country music. They thought they had seen it all. They hadn’t.
As Sam squinted through the blinding rainstorm, he moved the patient to Montana Central,
Great Fall’s metropolis for trauma care. He was performing a routine task instead of watching
professional wrestling. The drive always failed to generate excitement. Except for tonight.
He drove with sirens blaring. Sure it was stormy, but he had driven this route so often he could
have done it blindfolded. Suddenly a slender shape, dark yet luminous, jolted across his path. Sam
slammed on the brakes, and the ambulance skidded on slippery pavement. He avoided hitting the sleek
shape, but the sudden slamming of brakes played dominoes with the passengers.
The patient convulsed and Harry administered the Valsalva maneuver and an injection. The
convulsions subsided.
Sam picked up the intercom radio. “Quit swearing, you bastard”, he said. “An animal was in
the road.”
“Look fellows! I swear!” shouted Sam. “The thing looked like a glow-in-the-dark coyote!”
The ambulance braved the storm towards the hospital grounds, holy ground where high priests
of medicine performed their miracles. A citywide blackout had also struck the hospital, causing
emergency generators to kick in. The paramedics wheeled their patient towards the emergency room
The patient was hooked up to an array of devices and attended by a crew of doctors and nurses.
The chief doctor and assistant examined the patient, while others cracked jokes.
“No prob”, piped a third. “They got semicolons in the vending machine. Dried –up little
“You’re a joke!” yelled the chief physician. “I’m talkin coma! If you want punctuation, go
“How can he have a coma patient?” another doctor calmly asked. “He was showing signs of
The Journey
Everything seemed normal for the hospital staff, but in the hospital bed, surrounded by
instruments and nurses, the patient’s mind wasn’t just a chemical factory.
It was a different world. Some assert that dreams are just an interaction of body chemicals.
Others say images from the mind are very deep and even explore another world. Whatever reveries
consist of, they can only be experienced. The patient today was experiencing hell.
The institute faxed the Chief his case records. Adrian Albright was a writer who had produced
some likable poems. He had lived in Japan for several years, learning Aikido, a self-defense art that
redirects a person’s force back upon the attacker. He had wanted to learn Japanese-style poetry and
supported himself by teaching English to Japanese students. But a mental malfunction occurred upon
returning to the USA. The official classification was schizophrenia from an unknown cause. Thanks to
experimental psychiatry, Adrian was temporarily responding to therapeutic measures. But today’s
Adrian lay inside Dante’s Inferno. Instead of devils and burning shovels, there were straps
needling his bellybutton and a table pressing at his spine. The Inferno chief was not Satan, but a man
‘It will just sting a minute,” the thick ghost said, matter-of-factly.
Pain resonated through Adrian’s body. His stomach contracted and head waxed volcanic.
Dizziness escalated, wound in tightly coiled loops from his mind’s skin to the soles of his feet.
The doctor sipped cold lemonade and sang “Yankee Doodle” absent-mindedly. Despite the
intense paid, Adrian strained to hear the words, his mind trying to focus. He struggled to remember his
Aikido training to ignore the pain and reach a state of inner calm through intense concentration.
The doctor drank his lemonade as if all the time and lemonade in the world were at his disposal.
At last he finished the glass and refilled it from the refrigerator. Adrian continued to focus. He began to
feel that he knew this room, and then he knew why, for it was where he had experienced several hours
of intense drug therapy – a long time ago. A pinnacle of concentration left him peering deeply into the
He remembered an institute and years of pain and suffering. He remembered the devil he had
known headed the institute. With a flash, the devil sipping lemonade disappeared.
A light surrounded Adrian, a rainbow spectrum sea of light, rotating in green, red, blue, yellow,
gold on the sea’s lapping fringes, and blue deep inside. A figure, a young woman, moved through the
Was it a dream, then? If so, it was beautifully unfolding soft and sweet. The doctor nightmare
was fading even from memory. Adrian felt gentle warmth as the woman approached, warmth
The lady extended her hand and Adrian felt himself reaching towards it. He felt a deep inner
peace with no thoughts or concerns, inhabiting and embracing him and reminding him of the Biblical
phrase, a peace that surpasses understanding. He only wanted this peace to last forever, but it started to
flicker.
“What?”
She pulled something from her robe and presented it to him. Adrian saw a rose stem with
Clarence had worked in hospitals for twenty years, cleaning rooms and trying not to disturb patients.
Brandishing his mop and sudsy bucket, he daydreamed he was swabbing the deck as the skull and
crossbones snapped in the salty breeze above his head. As he cleaned up around Adrian, he crossed the
high seas for gold, surviving an otherwise boring job with pirate duty. Suddenly he stopped mopping
and studied the floor. He picked up what looked liked rose petals and noticed its texture and smell.
“Strange,” said Clarence to himself, “I don’t recall seeing a rose in this room.”
Clarence held the rose petals and remained puzzled. He noticed the coma patient’s hand
holding something long and thin and he violated protocol by removing it. This small mystery was a
break in his mundane life, for he had become Sherlock Holmes, the esteemed detective in the process
of solving a famous mystery. He rotated the stem up and down and explored every millimeter with his
trusty magnifying glass composed entirely of air. Through the magnifying air the clock on the wall
also loomed large, its hands a trinity of stems against which the stem in his fingers pirouetted. He
pocketed the stem, a prior engagement beckoned. It was lunchtime, 2:00 AM.
At 2:05 AM, Clarence joined his friend Joe, another redeeming quality of his existence, like his
imagination and his newfound stem. Joe worked security detail and made rounds every hour. As they
sat for coffee, Joe interrupted Clarence’s thoughts with a meteorological observation.
“Shit, who hasn’t?” replied Clarence. “Vampires too. They’re in the papers all the time.”
Clarence got red with embarrassment and anger. Joe became cooler and tried to defuse the
situation.
“They do have interesting stories though, I guess,” he said haltingly. “I just wouldn’t wrap a
“On Halloween people are supposed to see werewolves. But seems like tonight they’re seeing
something different, a mysterious monster kind of thing you can’t quite pin down, sorta like.”
“Sure”.
Clarence loped to the vending machine. Each night the two dreamy workers treated each other
to caffeine madness and got into heated arguments over the battery acid latte. Clarence carried the
steaming acid and sat down. He took a sip of reconstituted fertilizer and remembered the animal story.
“So some say a dog, some say a wolf? But you say not a werewolf? So what’s this thing
“Well, most people who saw it say it looked like a coyote,” Joe said.
“O.K., but I don’t get it,” said Clarence. “What’s so strange about a running animal in the night
“Well, I overheard guys talking and then that Sam, the ambulance driver, he saw me and
figures since I’m on security, I ought a know about anything fishy goin’ on, so he comes right out and
tells me he bumped into that animal tonight in the rain. Right on the highway. There it was, and there
“Well”, mused Clarence, “it’s dark, so it goes into the shadows or the moon goes under and the
thing looks like it’s gone, so there it is and there it isn’t and there it still is.”
“Only thing is” Joe blurted windily, a huge glug of stimulant having just cleared his throat,
“Sam says the thing was lighted up like a Christmas tree -- its fur was a jinglin.”
This knocked Clarence into wonder. “Who - who was it in the ambulance?”
“The patient? Can’t really say. Some guy, I think. No name I remember. Coma patient, if I
Clarence removed a rose stem from his pocket and rotated it in the stark florescent light.
“I’m not too sure,” Clarence replied. “But just look at it. I found this crazy stem on a coma
“You need some sleep. Probably a visitor dropped it on the way out.”
DEVIL STORMS
The hideaway was a bar and grill catering to lowlifes – a caliginous den for biker gangs, a place
of Cimmerian corners and deep secrets. The Devil Dogs hung out there and from it recesses controlled
a huge chunk of Montana’s drug trade. A five-year turf war between the Devil Dogs and Skull Slashers
had ended two years earlier when they forged a truce and divided the turf.
A new enforcer rose through the ranks: Theodore Frisk. Theodore was not the beaver, mind
you. No mammalian characteristics whatsoever. The Devil Dogs called him Scorpion.
Theodore, a decorated Green Beret and former head of military intelligence, possessed strong
physical and intellectual skills. He had long ago mastered karate and could have applied himself to
academic pursuits with great success, but he coasted like Mick Jagger. He breezed through ROTC, but
his promising military career had one drawback. Theodore was a psychopathic killer, a trait of some
value in wartime. Not so in the peacetime military, especially when the enemy is a fellow officer.
Theodore suffered from Al Capone behavior, creating disaster with each breath. A fellow officer’s
girlfriend danced in a strip club off the base. The officer stopped by after work and caught Theodore
hitting on her. Harsh spoken words escalated into a fight. Theodore quickly overpowered three
military policemen. The officer attempted to defend himself with a beer bottle and ended up kissing
the floor.
The Army had treated Theodore’s psychopathic tendencies before the officer bashing occurred,
enlisting its top shrink, a Doctor William Alter. Alter, a promising young psychiatrist specializing in
During the trial, Theodore’s military accomplishments impressed the tribunal. But peacetime
psychopaths are an oxymoron and Theodore was given a dishonorable discharge. Legitimate job
prospects were dim, but the Devil Dogs needed a new enforcer and quickly hired him. Theodore
became a Scorpion and used his talents for business protection and crime enforcement. His
background and intelligence kept the Devil Dogs one claw above the law.
Scorpion’s talents were needed. Independent agents were attempting to infiltrate the market
dominated by the Devil Dogs and Skull Slashers. Butcher, the Devil Dogs’ leader, was discussing
business with Scorpion in a secluded corner of the bar. The independents were creating drugs in
Oregon and transporting them to Montana for sale to the Canadian market. Tonight Scorpion would
travel to an Oregon seaport. Butcher and he discussed prospects in pinched sentences that barely
Independents courted the drug arena with disastrous results. Many reaped the harvest of death.
Others infiltrated this lucrative arena with middling success. Lucky felt lucky.
Tonight he was meeting a distributor in an abandoned warehouse. His two top guards, Slicker
It tastes great
French, a distributor of top designer drugs, was showing a selection of assorted merchandise.
“Good shit!”
“Good price!”
Lucky and French negotiated. To beat bigger suppliers, Lucky needed to supply merchandise at
a better price. He would cut or dilute stock and pass on inferior products to customers. Lucky needed
to establish territory.
From their vantage point, they could see everything. If a car approached, their night vision scopes
caught it. If a plane or helicopter flew overhead, they spotted it. If a ship bumped up the bleak
horizon, they calibrated the bump. The men had the best pistols available. With Ape-Man and Slicker
Slicker watched the road while Ape-Man watched land and water. The dark sky tended to
overpower a strangely dim half-moon. The location and meeting time were a closely guarded secret,
Land and sea: these were the mainstays of Ape-Man’s watchful mind, a drone of landscape.
He saw nothing unusual, but heard the frog sound again. Ape-Man wasn’t a rocket scientist and
he had flunked high school biology, but he was sharp enough to know frogs weren’t part of this
particular ecosystem. Yet he held the danger of that fact at bay. Memory was exerting a peculiar pull
He thought the sound was coming from beneath the dock and peered over its edge for a closer
look. Nothing! The frog sound recurred. Ape-Man pulled out his gun.
He thought frog killing was clever. As a kid, he had inserted M-80 explosives underneath frogs
and ignited the frog blasters. Now, as if striving to revisit his debased childhood, Ape-Man leaned
closer to the water – close enough for his last breath. A scuba diver’s spear pierced his chest. A quick
tug from an attached line pulled him under. Before being dragged to a watery grave, Ape-Man fired
Inside the warehouse, keen-eared French drew his pistol. Lucky, immersed in his luck, heard
“O.K., boss!”
Lucky poured a drink to calm his nerves and French held a Cuban cigar.
With light and gun, Slicker combed the dock and found nothing. But when he cast his light on
the water, he found Ape-Man’s body face down, his chest pierced by a spear that quivered in the
flashlight’s beam.
“Shit!” yelled Slicker, his last word sucked into silence by an obscure South American weapon
called the bola, two heavy balls tied together by several thickly corded sections. Traditionally, a hunter
threw this weapon to snag animal legs. Sadly breaking with tradition, Slicker was the animal tonight,
for a fast and silent bola snapped his neck. Slicker never saw the wet-suited figure that, having
whooshed him into another world, now kicked his crumpled body into the water.
Slicker would have followed Lucky to hell, loyalty tattooed on his skin and clogging his
The next few seconds dropped into place like bricks of eternity shaped to fit snugly against the
end of the world. Lucky was a good shot as was French, but the security and allure of guns evaporated
as the electric current feeding three naked light bulbs snapped into memory and left murk wide open. A
surgeon’s knife quickly retreated from the circuit breaker wires it had just severed.
Lucky raced to the window. The half-moon was all that remained of sea and sky, its beams
grounded in gloom before they could touch the waves. His heart raced. He held his hand to his chest
to calm himself, a useless attempt. A light flashed behind him. The echoes of shattering glass
grenade designed to immobilize. Their lungs burned, each breath screaming agony and sighing
eternity. Their eyes filled with fire and tears. Lucky’s designer watch ticked 75 seconds as the
mysterious assailant broke every window within earshot. Lucky wondered why the windows were
breaking, as if the panes themselves might be angry, but French knew instantly. Whoever threw the gas
Lucky’s past escapades formed a procession behind a banner of hope. He could beat the odds.
He could blast out of Hell’s kitchen and trounce death in a chess game, checkers, dominoes, anything.
His ability to escape disaster and secure profits was legendary. Lucky the legend. The legend was
Lucky.
The parade of legendary misdeeds was usurped by a solitary wet-suited figure slicing through a deep
shadow. A knife in the wet suit’s right hand caught a speck of moonbeam as it rushed in a slant past
The terror of the moment didn’t escape French, but he tried to focus and regain coherence.
He’d seen the figure take the gun from Lucky’s folding body. The figure was walking toward French,
“Your gun, please sir,” requested the figure standing over him.
“What?”
French handed the gun, butt first, to the figure, which yanked it from French’s hand and walked
to the window. Both guns cleared the shady frame and hit the water below. French had already
“I have a present for you,” said the stranger. The figure dropped a laminated business card on
the floor, then positioned a small waterproof flashlight next to it and walked to the door. French heard
a faint splash as the figure dove into the water. He waited a minute or two before getting up. When he
did, he saw the body of Lucky with its nearly severed head.
French went outside and immediately walked on to the dock. The stranger was nowhere in
sight. The water revealed nothing, except for the floating bodies of Ape-Man and Slicker. French
wondered why his life had been spared. Then he remembered the card. He held it up to the moonlight
and was able to see that it was both a business card and an offer. It invited the bearer to free drinks at
Lucky had approached him with quick profit promises. Cutting the red tape would have meant
more profits for everyone, and anything to enhance the bottom line was good and exciting. But the
ordeal of business prospects and sudden violence made French a bit groggy. Turning the card over
The words kept repeating themselves like a demented mantra in his disheveled brain. Come
Join the Winning Team. No matter how he strove to block it, his mind repeated it nonstop. Perhaps it
was the shock of witnessing three quick deaths in a sliver of time. Perhaps it was the aftertaste of the
grenade or the overwhelming relief of having his life spared. Whatever the reason, his mind kept
French placed the card in his wallet. He couldn’t imagine how the Devil Dogs had known of
Lucky’s meeting here. It was a mystery useless to ponder. The sensible thing was to go and accept the
free drink.
VISITOR
Adrian was arriving home from the hospital. Also the home of William Alter, the institute director,
and Ann Cutter, the chief caseworker, it had been Adrian’s home for eight years, thanks to federal
money. The facility appeared the same, yet it was different. He himself felt different but didn’t know
how. The voices were gone, but maybe he was still reorienting himself and they would return. Many
schizophrenics lived with the voices their entire lives, and his current knowing might be a
hallucination. Maybe he wasn’t getting enough medication. His world seemed rife with maybes.
Today, in the midst of the maybes, his favorite orderly, Fred, accompanied him.
“Good to see you, old friend,” said Fred. Everyone liked Adrian. He was very polite and
Adrian remembered his main caseworker. She had visited him during his coma; somehow he
always knew when she was there. Hearing her name, he again thought of how different he felt but
didn’t know how. He must clear his head, return to his poems.
“You’re too kind, Fred,” responded Adrian, nearly sly himself. Fred departed an Adrian settled
in, but the poem and its secret hiding place, the bottom drawer, had suffered no motion and was quickly
found to be undisturbed. It was his prized poem, written for her. He was fond of Ann, but couldn’t say
anything. It wasn’t normal for patients and caseworkers to cross the threshold. But Adrian’s eyes
spoke fluently to the poem called Lady in the Wind. The images portrayed a lady, surrounded by a blue
sky, as the wind blew her hair back slightly. The season was autumn and the subject her soul. Some
Night vanished into day. Afternoon found Adrian reading Catcher in the Rye and drinking tea.
He had already consulted a physician regarding medication levels, attended a group therapy session,
“Please.’ Adrian offered her a chair. She sat down and looked vaguely depressed. “What’s
wrong?” asked Adrian. Ann found it slightly amusing to find a patient inquiring about her condition.
“I had a down day,” she responded. “Nice to see you back and well.”
Adrian sipped tea and offered Ann some as he considered strategies to cheer her up. The poem.
Now was the time to act. He stood up, went to the drawer, and retrieved the poem from its solitude.
“A present for you,” he said. For a moment Ann found herself without speech or thought. She
recognized herself and cried. Then, after a small eternity through which she accessed her bearings, she
found her professional self again. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “But I can’t accept it.” “Why? I spent
three days writing it.” She sighed deeply. “Company policy forbids it.” “Company policy. And you?
“You’re right.” Ann hugged the painting. She knew it was a great treasure. Now it was her
turn. She too had a present to give. She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“Call it transference.
He smiled slightly and glanced down from her eyes to the slender fingers curled over the poem.
A small bandage interrupted their smooth grasp. “Cut your finger?” he asked. “Yes,” this morning,
“Please!” he pleaded.
Ann knew it was crazy, but she didn’t protest too strongly. After all, he had spent three days
creating the poem. No need to make a common band-aide come between them. He put his hand over
the cut, and Ann felt warmth flowing around her injured finger. He held her hand for only a minute.
“Feel better?” he asked. “It stopped. How did you do it?” Does it matter?” “Yes, it does. Is
this a Japanese healing technique?” Since Ann had been Adrian’s chief caseworker for eight years, she
knew his life in Japan intimately. But she never heard him mention healing arts and prompted him for
a clue. “I don’t know. Just a small talent I picked up,” he replied. “Where? How?”
Ann was a scientist and knew there were scientific explanations. Perhaps it hadn’t been
bleeding deeply or the pressure, like a tourniquet, had stopped the bleeding. Maybe it had been
essentially sealed before the bandage was removed, the warmth only heat from his hand. She would let
“Got to run. Thanks for the poem.” Can we resume treatment tomorrow?” Adrian asked. Ann
flipped through her appointment calendar. She marked him down for 10:00 AM.
“Yes, of course.”
Ann walked away wondering. She had known Adrian for eight years, but tonight he had given
her a wonderful present and she suddenly saw him in a different light.
Adrian retired for the evening. Today's routine consisted of medicine checks with William Alter,
therapy with Ann Cutter, painting and group therapy with Frank Jones. Adrian lay down on the bed,
dimmed the lights and turned on some classical music. He practiced this routine for years. It normally
lured him into a deep sleep. But as he drifted into dreamland, he was awakened by a terrible singing
noise outside.
At heartbreak hotel."
Adrian stood up and rushed towards the window. His melodious Bach was defiled by a horrendous
rendition of Elvis Presley. He opened the window and examined the terrain. All he could see were a
couple of cats and the light of a half moon. Then an animal appeared directly in the window path. At
first glance, it looked like a German shepherd. It disappeared beyond the window view before it
dawned on Adrian - it looked like a coyote. Again Adrian heard a voice from nowhere singing.
"I'm so lonely,
I could die."
Adrian recognized the tune as "Heartbreak Hotel". He needed to examine his perceptions. Was it a
voice inside his head or a resident singing? Adrian yelled for his friendly orderly, Fred.
"Look through this window. Did you see anything? Perhaps a dog?"
"Thanks anyway."
Fred walked away and Adrian lay on the bed. His ears were again focused on classical music, but he
"By the way," Fred called in the distance. "You do a pretty good Elvis impression."
Adrian was curled over on his side, his rear extended near the bed's edge. If his eyes had been
open, he probably would have seen a coyote walking around the room. The coyote opened his mouth
and sank his teeth into Adrian's rear. Adrian was abruptly awakened from a semi-conscious slumber.
"Ouch! Someone bit me in the ass!" cried Adrian, whose yell sent Fred running.
Fred rushed over to see what was happening and found nothing in the room. Adrian pulled down his
Adrian lay on the bed rubbing a sore posterior, thinking his psychosis was returning. He flipped the
knob on his radio to the country station and was entering slumber when the voice interrupted him.
Adrian walked to the window and took a peek. He spotted nothing but two cats and moonlight. A
"No"
"Am I hallucinating?"
"Elvis?"
Adrian observed the can, never removing his bloodshot eyes from it. Then the lid slowly moved,
revealing a coyote head. Then the lid lowered itself, leaving a puzzled Adrian.
Meditate on a mantra
Surprising is my land,
So unexpectedly!
I really am of service
The poetry confused Adrian and he questioned whether his subconscious was generating this
befuddlement. Tomorrow he would consult with Doctor Cutter. He waited for more poetic outbursts
Adrian pleaded with the garbage can, begging it to inspire him with poetic wisdom to check his
perceptions. It was apparent the garbage can had put a lid on further outbursts of poetic metaphors. He
"What's wrong?"
"No! I can't say I did, although it sounded like you were conversing with someone."
Fred only convinced Adrian that his experiences were imaginary. Adrian would have ended on that
Still, Fred was a cautious fellow. He used a broomstick to lift the lid and a flashlight to examine the
porthole. He waited a minute or two to pacify Adrian that no tigers or wolves ere present. The mission
ended with no animal attacks or sightings. Fred walked inside to say goodnight.
"Why?"
Fred aimed the flashlight towards the floor and a few stray animal hairs. Fred picked them up.
Adrian returned to Sleep with no animal interruptions. Tomorrow he would relate his experiences to
Ann.
Adrian's appointment with Doctor Cutter was at ten o'clock. She seemed extremely interested in his
tale of coyote antics and engaged herself in note taking, making eye contact when needed. It took
almost twenty minutes to relate the details. Ann placed special emphasis was placed on recalling the
poem's details. Earlier in the day, Doctor Alter had heard his tale and increased his medication.
"Perhaps both!"
Adrian found Ann more confusing than the Coyote. He thought she evaded the core issue - was this
a hallucination or a spirit? He came to her for answers but she prompted more questions to surface.
"An archetype."
Ann explained that archetypes are part of a psychotherapist's Jungian theories. Being primary
unconscious ideas and images, they really belong to the collective unconscious. These images are
inherited components mankind lives with. The collective unconscious is the unconscious aspect
mankind collectively shares. Jung did believe in psychic phenomena - and Adrian's experiences crossed
this border.
"Trickster?"
Ann walked towards her reference library. She pulled out a reference work on mythology. She
flipped through the index until she located the coyote reference. She wasn't sure if this archetype was
good or bad, but the excitement of a live case drowned out her objectivity.
"Such as."
"He's a thief!"
"Thief?"
"Glutton? A pig?"
"Outlaw?"
"I'm afraid so. Please don't let that scare you. Focus on his good qualities."
A CHURCH SURPRISE
Dorothy Hessling cleaned St. Michael's church. Robert O'Connor, the resident priest, would invite
her for tea. Today she would join him at 9:00 AM. Now she was clearing the church floor, ensuring
that the practitioners would enter a clean holy area. The statue of Our Lady remained a beacon of hope.
Many downtrodden approached Our Lady, praying for her intercession between God and Christ.
Something descended from her hand, landing near Dorothy’s feet. Dorothy picked it up and
Father Robert was in the rectory wing but could hear her voice. He ran quickly to aid her, arriving
Dorothy dumped them into Robert's palms. Robert examined the contents. Two rose petals became a
"Maybe you're right, Dorothy. But there may be a scientific explanation. Perhaps a practitioner left
them there."
Father O'Connor had a big teatime chore. He needed to explain the difference between miracles and
Science. He needed to explain that miracles must be verified and tested. It's easy to explain it to highly
RENDEZVOUS
Doctor William Alter is dead; while Theodore Frisk killed another man, making Coyote is a hero and
a villain. Adrian Albright is a wanted man and there's a huge reward for his death. The police seek to
question him and killers seek to collect a huge bounty, prompting Adrian to wonder how his life turned
upside down.
It was eleven o'clock and Adrian was in slumber. Beethoven was playing his Song of Joy, luring
him into a peaceful slumber. Fred was eating lunch in the cafeteria. The night stillness was disturbed
The outside garbage lid floated up to reveal a coyote head. A couple of seconds passed and the lid
closed over the garbage can.
The pond lay in the wooded surroundings adjacent to the Montana Psychiatric Hospital. Daylight
found many workers eating lunch and walking trails. Nighttime found desolation with the occasional
sound of an owl. Adrian grabbed a pair of blue jeans and a flannel shirt.
Adrian really didn't feel like discussing that tie. He only kept it around for Grandma Eden's sake.
Curiosity about the frog and lack of time prompted him to comply.
"Where to again?"
"Door's open."
Adrian discovered all the exit doors open. He knew the building terrain and walked the corridors
softly, for this sounded crazy. If they caught him, who would believe a coyote led him to a frog?
Doubts were creeping into his head. He wanted to turn around, but his curiosity nudged him on. He
entered the outside and walked toward the pond. He was probably three hundred feet before a bush
started whispering.
"Hey kid, over here."
"Okay."
"Rock, paper, scissors. Pick up the first object you see. A rock is a rock - stick is scissors - grass is
paper. Go!"
Adrian grabbed a stick lying beneath him. He raised it up and sighted a rock tossed from the bush.
Adrian walked the remaining distance, stopping behind a cluster of bushes. He stepped past the
bush, only to be shocked beyond belief. Doctor Henry Alter lay horizontally across the ground. A man
stood over him holding a handgun equipped with a silencer. Adrian knew he had been tricked and
didn't have time to think. The apparent killer pointed the gun his way and Adrian turned and ran. He
thought he would die but no bullet penetrated his skin. He ran deep into the woods, yelling "Damn
REDEMPTION
St. Michael's church heard confessions daily. Father O'Connor had heard every conceivable sin and
rendered penitence and resolution. Today he is hearing confession from a psychiatrist. Father
O'Connor was trained in both pastoral psychology and theology but was treading on shaky ground. No
one in theology school had prepared him for murder. Two days later, Father O'Connor would find
The rectory was silent for a moment or two. Father O'Connor briefly lost his composure.
"That is a grievous sin. Would you like to confess?"
The confessor told a story about marrying a rich woman. He married her for money and the marriage
fell on shaky ground. He hired a hit man to kill her and make it appear a robbery attempt. The police
and insurance adjusters closed the case and never found a solid suspect. He kept paying the murderer
monthly stipend.
"You are right to confess this hideous crime. Christ forgives all."
Father O'Connor could not persuade the confessor from confronting the killer nor could he coax him
into naming the killer. Father O'Connor prescribed penance and forgave him with the authority of
Christ.
William Alter was extremely nervous at work the next day. Today he was seeing Adrian regarding
"Yes"
Alter worked late into the evening. It was near eleven o'clock and time to confront evil. William felt
clean inside, having purged himself of the reoccurring guilt. He would turn himself in tomorrow but
tonight he would kill Theodore. He knew it was his word against Theodore's. Doctor Alter loaded his
thirty-eight-caliber revolver and positioned it in his pocket. He walked through the hall hoping to
When William reached the pond, he had his hand in his pocket, holding the revolver. He looked
around and saw nothing. Suddenly he scrunched over, his heart pierced by two bullet holes.
THE VILLIAN
Theodore Frisk, commonly know as Scorpion and Lenny Lewis, known as Butcher, were laying
wreaths at the gravesite of Spike Martin. It would seem strange to outsiders. Scorpion was lighting a
candle besides a small picture of Spike, the undisputed head of criminal operations for twenty years.
He had been gunned down in a fight with federal agents. Scorpion and Butcher held the same
reverence for Spike as Catholics held for Saints. Today Scorpion was talking to both Spike and
Butcher.
"I need your guidance, Spike. I remember how you helped us as kids. Took us in. Guided us. I
Butcher lit a candle and placed it near the picture. Scorpion knelt facing the picture. He lit a
cigarette, took a puff and passed it to Butcher. Butcher puffed on the cigarette and positioned it next to
the portrait. Butcher opened a beer bottle and emptied it around the portrait. This was their way of
"I aced the wife for a price. Now the shrink has a change of heart."
Both men stood up and honored Spike with a minute or two of silence. Butcher lit another cigarette
and Scorpion whittled with a pocketknife. He completed whittling a wooden knife and inserted it into
the grave. The plan was clear enough. He would park his bike a couple of miles away. After scouting
the area, making sure no cops or security were present, he would hide behind some bushes. Then he
Scorpion spent the next several hours shooting pool. He had to keep a sharp wit and pool was the
vehicle for mental clarity. At ten PM, he cased the area surrounding the Institute and he rode his bike
into a wooden ravine and hid in a secluded patch of bushes. At eleven, he spotted Doctor Alter coming
up the walk. When William ascended the pathway, Scorpion fired two shots through the heart.
He stood over the dead body and prepared to depart. A man with a horrible tie interrupted his
attention. He thought it was a mental patient that had witnessed the crime. Scorpion ran into the
bushes and aimed the gun. As he fired, he felt a sudden push on his right arm, causing him to miss the
target. He swept around to kill the intruder but found no one present. A quick sweep around the pond
produced nothing. Scorpion retreated and would attend to the witness later.
Two days had passed with news of the murder and Adrian's disappearance creating a sensation.
Police performed an autopsy and experts matched gun ballistics. Local police felt themselves over
their heads and secured state assistance. An APB was placed for Adrian.
Scorpion quickly learned the witness's identity. He needed to silence him before police discovered
him. A price of ten thousand circulated within underworld hideouts. Scorpion felt confident Adrian
would shortly be found and killed. The only place Adrian knew safety was among the transients.
ROBIN HOOD
A MAN OF MYSTERY
Who is Rumi Rosenkreuz? Folks in the town of Great Falls constantly ask that question. Some think
he should be committed to the Montana Psychiatric Hospital. Others say he is a con man. It's well
known he preaches to the homeless and destitute. Many say he is a mountain man and a few feel he is
a holy man. Tonight he couldn't care less about town gossip. He has some watches to sell to a passing
wayfarer.
A tired and ragged stranger approached, wandering in his alleyway. Rumi shoved open a suitcase
Rumi had an imitation gold Rolex and positioned it under Adrian's face.
"Hell, no."
"How about an Omega? Two for thirty," asked Rumi. He positioned two Omega imitations in his
face.
"Get that junk away from me," yelled Adrian, pushing the case away gently.
"How about a Radd? Three for thirty?" said Rumi, showing Adrian three imitation Radd watches.
"Please quit with the watches, already," said Adrian. Adrian attempted to push the case away.
He showed him an imitation Movado. Adrian stopped and pushed the case back. He spent two
Adrian spotted a water jug and pointed to it. "Is that water fresh?"
The two performed a gentleman's handshake and closed the deal. Adrian opened the jug and emptied
half.
"Hey, son. Are you hungry? Care for some dried buffalo?"
"Thanks! I could use some food."
Adrian opened the water jug. His face showed a mild confusion, eyeing a full water jug. He
dismissed it to fatigue.
The older man extended his hand and he felt an extreme muscular grip.
"I preach, son. I uplift the downtrodden plebeians. Have some more water."
Rumi explained the color represented Christ's blood. The rose represented the divine elements of
blood. He handed him some buffalo meat, which Adrian devoured quickly.
Adrian needed to talk to someone. He told Rumi everything, starting with his artwork. He told Rumi
about the murder, Coyote, his fondness for Ann, and his illness. He talked of his doubts: Coyote's
reality, his sanity, hidden healing talents, medications and his flight. Rumi sat silently for a spell,
striving to answer the troubled lad.
"When was the last time you took medication?" asked Rumi.
Adrian was careful not to mention the water jug. Rumi exclaimed that he was cured. He went on to
tell Adrian some unpleasant news. He had heard about the murder and the price Adrian carried. The
news frightened Adrian and Rumi patted him on the back. He offered Adrian some more water. Adrian
opened the jug only to find it full. He started to inquire about the water jug, but was interrupted by a
figure approaching.
A thug was approaching with a gun. "Well, look what we have here. Ten thousand bucks." The thug
pointed his gun, preparing to kill Adrian and Rumi. Rumi raised the Bible up and spoke.
Rumi motioned for a minute of silent prayer. Adrian closed his eyes and prayed. He prayed for help
and justice. He prayed for a painless death. He sat and waited for death. He waited. He continued to
wait with eyes closed. He thought the minute was too long. He opened his eyes and sat in disbelief.
Rumi was standing up and the thug lay unconscious, hugging the ground.
"How?"
"Drunk, son," retorted Rumi. "Confront that archetype. Get some answers. See that shrink."
Adrian knew he must find Ann and confront that damn Coyote. He started to depart when Rumi
"What? How?"
"Thug's money. You need it more than he does," said Rumi.
Adrian fled the scene, determined to find Ann. Many questions and doubts floated though his mind:
Perhaps he was cured of his schizophrenia. Maybe Coyote was more than an Archetype. Maybe the
water jug did replenish itself. Perhaps the old man overwhelmed the thug. So many questions - so few
answers.
HELP IS HERE?
After Rumi helped Adrian overpower the thug, Adrian was supposed to return to Ann. Instead, he
went to the Dry Gulch Oasis, a wayfarer inn for crooks and transients, to hide out from the thugs.
Rumi went out to gather some friends, handing out money to lead criminals off Adrian’s trail. They
were supposed to spread stories about seeing Adrian in various locations. The man rendered
unconscious in his earlier encounter went back to the bar to review the evening’s events with his
friends.
The Watering Hole is a bar and grill catering to scumbags, thieves and other highway riff raff.
"How?"
Daniel talked about an easy killing and collecting ten thousand cash. An old man, who was
mountain man and preacher, asked for a moment of prayer. Daniel felt it proper to grant a last request.
He observed both men praying, the younger one closing his eyes and exhibiting an extreme sweat. He
noted something strange about the old man's eyes. The eyes were like poppy seeds, inducing him to
sleep.
"He hypnotized you - you idiot," Barney replied, lighting a cigarette.
When Daniel was young, his father had taken him to a carnival. The amazing Presto Blinks, the
master hypnotist, would hypnotize an audience member. "I will change," challenged Presto Blinks,
"this young lad into a chicken." Daniel wanted no part of his smoke and mirrors. If he were to be
hypnotized, then he wanted to be a lion or tiger. His father encouraged the lad to try for a promise of
cotton candy. Presto Blinks tried two or three times. He made some lame excuse about a rare
"I tell you - I can't be hypnotized," replied Daniel, sipping a cheap, American brew.
"Okay, you idiot. If he didn't hypnotize you, then how did you become unconscious?
“I don’t know.”
Barney recalled how a farmer hypnotized chickens. He rolled the critter face down and moved a
pencil across his beak. The chicken was transfixed - stoned to the gills. When the pencil was removed
from his beak, the chicken sprawled upright and continued his chicken ways. This same critter was so
dumb; he told Daniel that if a fence was in front of him, he lacked the common sense to go around.
"That's why you can hypnotize them. They're such dumb clucks."
"Hell no. Like the chicken, you didn't know you were hypnotized."
Rumi finished conversing with three transient acquaintances. Homer, Henry and Harry were about
the three homeless musketeers. After handing them money to spread stories where Adrian was, he
went into details about Adrian’s appearance. Homer mentioned seeing someone matching that
description at the Dry Gulch Oasis. Rumi went off to rescue his friend while the transients discussed
Sometimes the trio stumbled upon a good bottle of ten-dollar vintage and swapped panhandling
tales. "Hell," said Harry, "a good panhandler combing a bus station could clear two hundred a day." He
recollected the story of his sick Aunt Francis. "Good for fifty clams."
Henry swapped a sea story. He had a sick uncle stranded in Singapore, who needed some money for
a passport, since his own had just been lost. "The man gave me a hundred bucks." About a month
later, Henry told a man a story about his starving baby. Turned out his audience was the same fellow
who heard his Singapore story. "How can I recognize everyone I trick with a sob story?" The bloke
got mad and stopped a passing policeman and Henry received thirty days of lousy food. "I wouldn't
feed it to a bum.”
"One hundred clams. Easy picking," exclaimed Homer, sipping a bottle of cheap wine. “Let’s toast
Rumi.”
Rumi had given each one hundred. He told them to spread stories about seeing a man with a horrible
tie. Create a ridiculous story about seeing him somewhere else. Throw the thugs off the trail.
"Where does the old man get this cash?" asked Harry, grabbing the bottle and having a drink.
"I heard he robs the thugs," said Henry. "Give me that damn bottle." Henry grabbed the bottle and
"He's a mountain man. He can sneak up on a deer without them knowing it."
The three men continued swapping stories, drinking budget wine and smoking bargain cigars. Homer
struck a match across his boot and lit his stogie. He took a puff and passed it. His turn came to spin
another yarn.
His mother needed an appendix operation. Homer needed only a few hundred more to pay her
medical bills. One day, he passed the story onto a passing stranger. The man was well dressed and
brimming with money. He nibbled at the bait, and then he turned and asked point blank, "Where is the
appendix located?" Homer was taken aback and said something about near the heart. The man signaled
for a policeman and they arrested Homer. The story listener was a medical surgeon.
"It's downright dishonest. How can a panhandler make a decent living?" asked Harry.
"I can't say. Really! Rumi is just different," said Henry, taking another swig of wine. A full gallon of
wine, costing ten bucks, would last the night. Tomorrow they would spread more Adrian sighting
stories, but tonight they would share Rose, the woman who came in the bottle.
HIDEOUT
Welcome to the Dry Gulch Oasis, a hotel for Great Fall's impoverished ranks. A Canadian moose
oversees the hallway, and women of the evening tempt patrons wandering by. The clerk plays country
music and thumbs through Soldier of Fortune. Adrian secured himself inside for two days,
masterminding his food delivery three times a day. He offered some lame excuse of health
readjustment. The clerk couldn’t care less, as long as money kept greasing his palm.
Adrian sat chewing dried beef and canned prunes. He booked his hideaway using a Slicker Smith
alias. His most pressing concern was returning to Ann, but the thugs frightened him. He noticed his
watch displayed five PM and his thoughts were interrupted by a voice from the intercom. "Gentleman
"Send him up." Adrian had several questions for Rumi, but the knocking at the door drowned out his
thoughts. He looked through the keyhole, noticed an elderly figure dressed in sunglasses and a suit,
carrying a large suitcase. Adrian opened the door, inviting the well-dressed gentleman inside. He
invited Rumi to sit down and seated himself across from him.
"Fire away."
"This was the only logical choice. I would hide out here."
"Explain that water jug. It kept refilling itself. I'm sure it did."
Rumi pulled out a Bible and quoted a verse from the gospel of John - "Except you see signs and
wonders, you will not believe." He explained that God offered him signs to convert unbelievers. Rumi
then opened his coat pocket and pulled out a camera. He placed it in Adrian's palm. It looked like a
common Kodak.
"What?"
Rumi pulled a picture from his pocket. It was a radiant picture of Christ. One day, when Rumi had
picked up a film roll from processing, he found a surprise picture of Christ. Rumi mentioned one night
he had a dream in which God informed him this camera could capture the spiritual world. "Would you
"I have just the thing, son," Rumi replied, opening the suitcase. Adrian looked inside and
"It's brilliant. It's foolproof," Rumi replied, pushing the open case back in Adrian's face.
The two wrestled back and forth, pushing the suitcase, each alternately gaining the upper hand.
Adrian reflected upon his options and decided playing a living drag queen was better than being a
bullet-ridden corpse. He rolled up his pants legs and slipped on the dress, a fashion relic predating the
Civil War. The long hemline covered his hairy legs. The wig reminded him of a beehive with layers of
dripping honey. He looked in the mirror, wondering if he were vaudeville player or a circus clown.
Rumi pulled his hand, motioning him towards the door. He reminded him that thugs were scanning
the lowlands, hoping to collect an easy bounty. This was all the push Adrian needed. They exited the
room, heading toward the lobby, only to be greeted by the desk attendant.
"Man, as you get older, the pickings get slimmer," the attendant mumbled to himself.
"I was just remarking on the beautiful lady," he said, turning to the bedecked Adrian. "What's your
name?"
"I'll see you later, dear,” said Rumi. “Use the phone outside. Call your girlfriend, Ann."
Adrian walked outside to phone Ann and Rumi exited through the fire escape.
"Now I have seen everything. Grandpa wants a twosome," the hotel clerk mumbled to himself.
Felicity and April were outside the hotel, scouting for men, exhibiting cleavage and striking
provocative poses. They hung out for months, engaging transients and outlaws passing through town.
Adrian passed by and put some change into the pay phone - aware the women were eyeing him.
"Who is this?"
"I'm in front of the Dry Gulch Oasis. I'm wearing that dress you like."
"Dress?"
"I’m walking the streets tonight and want to avoid police. Understand?"
Felicity nudged April, signaling they should help this new lady, green to their profession.
"Alexandra," he said.
“You must be new to this work. You got to ditch that outfit,” said April, “unless you do just kinky
stuff.”
"You need more sex appeal," exclaimed Felicity. She opened her purge and amidst a stack of
condoms was some pink lipstick. She proceeded to apply it to Adrian's lips.
"Let's help the girl screw a client," April said, applying some powder to Adrian's nose. Two men in a
"Depends, honey!" replied Felicity, bending over to show some cleavage. "What tricks do you like?"
"What dirty deeds does the girl do?" the driver asked, pointing to Adrian.
Felicity opened her purse for some chewing gum. Her arm tilted sideways and a batch of multi-
colored condoms dropped around the sidewalk. Adrian stooped over to pick them up.
He tore open a green one and inflated it with a single exhale, securing the end with a sharp twist.
The next unraveled package was a blue one, which he blew slowly and let sail away from his hand.
The last package contained a red one -- he blew it up and secured the end with a bow. With condoms
positioned in both hands, he gently rubbed the two together as the other ladies stared open mouthed in
disbelief.
Adrian pulled a red French tickler and placed it on his thumb. He walked over and touched the man’s
The man was becoming agitated and tried to lunge out the window, while his companion restrained
him.
"I just got to have that woman," yelled John, the passenger.
"Does anyone have a pin?" asked Adrian, giving a direct stare into Felicity's eyes. She opened her
He opened the safety pin and proceeded to pop the condoms, one at a time. John watched the show
with glowing eyes and wanted to get out of the car, but was still restrained by his friend.
"That woman makes me hot," yelled John. "Just imagine what she does in the bedroom."
Felicity took Adrian's hand and led him a few feet away, whispering into his left ear, "let me nail
Adrian needed to stall for time, hoping Ann would arrive to the rescue. He pointed to the broken
condom and towards Felicity's purse. She understood his request for another one and handed him
another. He opened it up, stretching it back and forth and proceeded to sing.
"She's my sunshine!" exclaimed John. "I just got to have her!" John's outburst stopped Adrian's
singing, but the others stared at Adrian in disbelief. A Volkswagen emerged from the distance, bringing
a smile to Adrian's face. It stopped outside the front entrance and the woman driver eyed the three girls
"Anyone seen Adrian?" asked Ann, rolling down the window. Adrian started in a fast pace toward the
car - slow enough not to startle Ann but fast enough to escape his predicament.
"I’m your asylum friend,” he said, when was ten feet away when.
Ann opened the passenger side door. Adrian got in and said, “Floor it!”
He waived to Felicity and jokingly blew a kiss to John. As they drove away, he explained the
disguise, which he had needed to save his life. He went on to say he needed to get away.
COYOTE LAND
conclusions as to his mental state. She would take him back to her house, twenty minutes away.
Adrian talked about the murder, his coyote experiences, and his friend Rumi and the price the
criminal world put on him. Ann knew a couple of state boys were aiding the local sheriff and the only
conclusion the state boys had reached was regarding the type of murder weapon. To learn more, her
The Volkswagen reached the driveway. Turning in, Ann switched the motor off. She held a candy in
her hand for Adrian, who grabbed it, tore open the wrapper and allowed it to melt in his mouth. She got
They entered the doorway, where she opened the door and switched on the light. Her gut instincts,
based upon her eight-year history with him, told her Adrian that was safe. They entered the living
room. She offered him a chair and seated herself on the sofa.
"You really have quite an adventure there," she said, trying to maintain objectivity and keep Adrian
calm.
"Adventure? It's my life that's on the line!" he said. "Do you have any chocolates?"
Ann excused herself and went to the refrigerator to obtain a half-empty box of Hershey's kisses. She
returned with the box and offered him some. He grabbed a couple, opened them and lost himself in the
delectable flavor.
"One of two options," said Ann. "Either seek help from the police or ask the coyote."
"Shit! One option will kill me and the other will bring me to the asylum."
“First change out of that dumb dress. My brother visits sometimes and he’s about your size,” said
Ann.
Ann went to retrieve some clothes and sent Adrian to the bathroom to change. He returned with
some men’s casual clothes, sporting an almost perfect fit.
“Much better,” said Ann. “Not sit down and let me know what you want to do.”
Adrian thought a minute. The police may not be able to protect him, especially with a steep price on
his head. The coyote had put him in this mess and at least owed an explanation. He reached into his
pocket, found a coin and flipped it. Heads would stand for the coyote and tails for the police. The coin
"Making decisions."
Ann picked up the coin and turned it over. Her face was a bit puzzled and she flipped the coin back
"What's wrong?"
Ann handed the coin to Adrian, who turned it over and over.
"Damn!" he said, putting the two-headed coin in his pocket. “How does he do that?”
A half-hour passed, with Ann asking Adrian questions in an attempt to assess his psychological
makeup and sometimes she would phrase a question two or three different ways, trying to trip him up.
“How does the murder make you feel?” she asked later.
Yet pieces of the puzzle didn't fit. Coyote was going beyond the category of archetype, but appeared
too consistently for a hallucination. Rumi has all appearances of a con man, but he had attempted to
aid Adrian. Why? Ann decided to step away from the problem and allow Adrian to contact Coyote.
Adrian sat upright in a plain chair, eyes closed and softly echoing, “Coyote, come.” His dozed
deepened with each repetition and his breathing was shallow. It became harder to concentrate on the
words because the sound was making him sleepy. Finally, he dozed off, still repeating the words,
He felt his body drifting, relaxing to repetitions of words so mundane and boring. He felt as light as
a feather uplifted by a gentle breeze. A force was pulling him upward, but he saw no visible
mechanism. His continual drifting finally subsided, bringing him face to face with a grassy landscape.
He saw a tree stump in the distance with a coyote sitting on it. A surge of anger overwhelmed him and
he rushed to tackle the coyote. Instead, he passed right through a holographic image and landed on his
face.
Adrian turned around and spotted another log with the coyote sitting on top. This time he would
outsmart him by walking towards the log. Every time he ventured a step forward, the log ventured a
step backward. A minute or two passed, with each step forward triggering the log to take a step
backward. To vary the pace, he took a couple of steps backwards and the log matched the same
"Damn it! Quite playing games. Why did you set me up?"
The tree stood still and only the silence answered Adrian. Finally, the coyote disappeared and the log
started speaking.
"If it weren’t for you, the killer would have staged a clean getaway."
The log started bouncing. It continued to oscillate between ground level and a foot away from the
surface. The more frantic Adrian became the greater the frequency of oscillation. Finally, Adrian
"Why didn't you say so?" asked the log, which now maintained a still position at ground level. "Let's
Adrian was to pick a cup. Two of them would contain a trick and one would contain a clue. The clue
Three upside down Dixie cups appeared on top the log and began to rotate position. Adrian watched
for a minute or two, trying to detect a pattern. Finally, he pointed to a cup. The cups stopped rotating
and he removed the cup from the log. He spotted a paper inside it, which he picked up and unfolded,
Adrian wiped his face with one hand and felt it becoming redder.
"Roll them."
The cups rotated again and Adrian, being a bit wiser, decided to allow about fifty seconds to pass
before yelling, "Stop!" The cups lay motionless while he carefully pondered his options. Reaching for
the middle cup, he lifted it up and carefully unfolded the paper inside.
A rubber baseball bat materialized above his head and gave his noggin a couple of firm love taps.
Adrian rubbed his head with his hand. He started walking away, but the log stump kept following
him.
minute before lifting up his hand. He rotated his right hand slightly in a clockwise direction before
pointing to the middle cup. Lifting the cup, he grabbed the paper and unfolded it.
"’Poem’?"
"Time to go."
A door opened in the ground behind Adrian and the next thing he knew the log was bumping him
through the door. He felt himself falling back into his body.
Her teakettle was boiling and she was set to make Earl Grey - her favorite beverage. She was
flipping through psychology texts, looking for answers to Adrian's experiences. Ann heard Adrian
waking up and came running over. Adrian seemed groggy, as if awakening from a deep sleep.
"Please," He replied.
Ann brewed some Earl Grey and came back with two steaming cups. She turned on a lava lamp and
then some new aged music. Adrian bobbed his tea bag up and down, keeping tempo with the music. A
“So?”
“So what?”
Adrian related his tale, providing details of the landscape, tricks and goings on. Ann sat, sipping her
tea; her eyes were peaked but brimming with curiosity. She picked up a pretzel and started to nibble on
it. Her hand reached over with a pretzel, placing it in Adrian’s hand. He gladly accepted it, paying
particular attention to the texture and flavor. Finally, he got to the poem Coyote gave him. Ann
“I know a line or two from the poem. Skulls and Scooters is that notorious biker bar.”
Adrian chewed on the pretzel, biting it in half. He took a moment to examine his broken half.
Ann leaned over and placed her hand on Adrian’s. She gazed into his eyes and stared softly. He
responded by firmly grasping her hand and holding it. A minute or two passed before she started to
speak.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, triggered by the memory of the picture Adrian painted and Adrian’s
tenderness. She recalled how she entered psychology to deal with being dropped by a former fiancé.
One day he left her, causing her to become depressed for months. Her fiancé abandoned her for a
woman in Florida, who danced in a strip club. From then on, she was very guarded in her dealings
with men.
Adrian leaned over to comfort her and before he knew it, he gave her a light kiss. Ann did not resist
but gently accepted his savory gift.
Inaudibly to Ann but clearly audible to Adrian was a sound from the kitchen.
Adrian picked up some chocolate candies and threw them towards the kitchen. His antics did not
Adrian didn’t want to lose the majesty surrounding the moment but he needed to keep a pest in
check. He needed to re-spark the moment and knew the truth was in order.
“Where is he?”
HOLLIDAY TIME
Doc was playing piano at Skulls and Scooters; a bar situated on the outskirts of Great Falls,
accompanied by Bubbles, his monkey sidekick. Home to the biker gang Barbarians and Saturday night
party time, on this particular night, the bar was, as he expected, filled with alcohol, smoke seeping
through the cracks, cocaine inhaled in seedy corners and women catering to the base desires of men.
Tonight Danny Holliday, better known as Doc, who provided tonight's piano entertainment. His
mind drifted to recall his family. He thought about the original Doc, but realized he had a life is as
colorful, except, of course, the famous one was white and he was black. His family, the collection of
scattered rejects, grew up around guns. Uncle Chester taught him hunting, criminal tricks came from
Uncle Leroy, while Doc’s father played blues piano and passed down the legacy. Doc’s only
As he tapped some musical notes, he thought about his crowd of friends. Doc began hanging with
the wrong crowd, selling his skills at intelligence gathering and firearms expertise. The Barbarians
prize his firearm and information gathering skills, and his piano playing is the shining light of Skull and
Scooters.
And then there was Rooster, he thought. The Barbarians, Doc’s other adopted family, became
acquainted with him through Rooster, the high school football pall, who used to drink beer, fight and
chase chicks with. Rooster is a sporting friend who belonged to the Barbarians and gradually got Doc
hanging out with them. As with all extended families, the Barbarians became mother, father, sister and
brother to Doc. In fact, Rooster presented Bubbles as a gift to Doc for helping him beat up a Mad Dog
member, the rival biker gang, who was making time with Rooster’s chick.
The piano in the corner he played was a jet black upright Steinway, with a crystal skull positioned on
top during performances. Doc had a fascination with death and he periodically uses it to inspire blues
Tony, the bartender, poured a shot of fine Scotch. Dianne, one of the servers, gave it to him to savor.
A current rendition of "Smokestack Lighting" permeated the smoke filled room. A woman was
strutting around his piano, flashing her cleavage in his direction. Doc was oblivious to everything
except his fingers striking the keyboard and the music overwhelming his soul.
Doc noticed a strange woman and man enter the bar and his life was never the same again. The man
wore a red hunting jacket and a green Sherlock Holmes cap while the woman wore a blue dress. Their
soft footsteps carried them to a far corner and he caught all they were saying.
"This is a bad idea," said the woman. "And to top it off, you had me carry this stupid camera."
Adrian watched the man coughing from the smoke and signaled the server, Dianne, over.
"Pick your poison," Dianne sneered.
"Gin and tonic," said the woman. “What will you have Adrian?”
"Sassafras tea," said Adrian. “You know I don’t drink alcohol, Ann.”
"One gin and ton and one knockout special," said Dianne, rushing off before anyone could hear her
response.
Back by the piano, Doc ordered two drinks, one in a blue and another in a red shot glass. The
waitress brought the drinks and set them on the piano. He gulped down the drink in the red glass,
followed by the one in the blue glass. He turned to the audience and said: “The party begins when the
Mexican ambassador meets the US ambassador: Jose Cuervo meets Jack Daniels.” Doc asked for
requests and a young blond asked for Fever. Doc patted the skull with his left hand.
“Shucks. I’ll bet you say that to all the gals,” the skull replied.
Doc is surprised that it’s talking, as the skull was just a prop and had no hidden gismos to let it talk.
Doc became fascinated with this new toy and thought someone played a trick. But he was surprised
“We have a comic ventriloquist,” replied Doc, staring around the audience to find the perpetrator. He
thought the talking skull upset his monkey and noticed she became agitated. He watched Bubbles
started screaming and jumping up and down, and walking in circles around the skull.
Doc reached for his thirty-eight and waved it in the air and the monkey began jumping on the skull.
“That’s just a scare, folks. But if the ventriloquist spooks Bubbles, I will find him and talk privately
outside.”
He watched the monkey continue to circle the skull, trying to find the comedian. Finally she started
to mellow out and sat on it. Doc put the gun away and started playing the tune on his piano.
“Spoiled brat,” said the skull, provoking Bubbles to hit it.
Doc observed the two strangers, Adrian and Ann, in a dark corner, were sitting away from the crowd
but close enough to watch the show. Adrian was eyeing everything with intense scrutiny. He turned to
“If that’s the skull of destiny, then I’m a monkey’s uncle.” Ann started to snicker but Adrian gave
“That skull talking must be Coyote,” Adrian whispered, causing Ann to be silent.
While Doc tried to discover who the comedian was, he played Fever while the crowd’s attention
was focused upon his fingers, opening up the arena with a melodious windfall. He alternated between
high and low scale renditions. With fingers hammering the keyboard, he started to sing.
Doc watched Bubbles dance around the skull, bobbing up and down
“Ouch. My head hurts. I promise it won’t spoil tonight’s fun,” the skull said.
He observed the crowd went wild over the combination of the monkey, skull and his musical skill.
Doc continued to echo the chorus with the audience joining in; Bubbles grabbed the skull with both
hands. She hopped back and forth across the piano top, smiling and holding the skull very close.
Doc was observing everyone, feeling the rhythm of Fever and his voice echoing the Fever melody.
Everyone paused – bikers, hookers and other misfits, and then looked at Doc and joined Adrian and
Ann in an enraptured state. The audience started clapping along and joined Doc in echoing the chorus:
“You give me Fever,
Doc watched Bubbles place both paws on the skull and kiss it twice. The first kiss was quick and the
second one lasted a couple of seconds. Doc, wrapped in his music, was observing the exchange
“We’re ‘hot’ tonight,” the skull exclaimed. “Let’s you and I get it on later, baby.” Doc pounded
on the keyboard, echoing out the final chorus of Fever. Everyone in the audience joined in singing the
chorus.
He observed Bubbles bow over and over as the audience resonated with tremendous applause.
Patrons waved their drink mugs up and down, shouting, “Encore, encore!”
“Bubbles, my dear. We make such beautiful music together,” the skull said.
Five minutes passed and Doc saw Dianne return with two drinks and placed the smaller drink in front
of Ann. As she left, Ann was stirring her gin and tonic.
Doc watched Adrian pick up the tall blue glass with a skull logo. "Here's to you," Adrian said,
taking a big gulp. He started coughing and wheezing and spilled his drink. Doc thought Adrian might
not be drink alcohol, but tea, Doc chuckled to him, and knowing Adrian was unaware that Sassafras
The Sassafras tea was very potent and began to have an effect on him after about five minutes. Doc
watched Adrian’s head shake and he walked with vision blurred. He looked disoriented and he stood
up to clear his head. He looked at Ann and she looked back at him. He saw Adrian stumble and
Doc noticed Tiny, the leader of the Barbarians, was guzzling Jack Daniels and playing poker with
his pals. Doc knew nothing at the bar escaped his eyes and his glance turned toward Adrian. He knew
Tiny never needed a good reason for a fight nor did he especially hate everyone he fought with. Doc
thought Tiny was overcome by the desire to bust Adrian for ordering the house special, wasting good
liquor, and having his stumbling insulted Doc’s music act. He watched him pick up a pool cue.
“Hey, punk, “ said Tiny as he walked towards Adrian. Ann sat frozen with fear. Doc thought the
alcohol in Adrian’s bloodstream prevented him from thinking clearly. He thought Adrian was
attempting to clear his head. Tiny placed the pool cue over his head and angled the handle towards
Adrian. “I don’t like you,” Tiny said. “In fact, I plan to bust your head open.”
Adrian did not reply, which only infuriated Tiny. He swung the pool cue towards Adrian’s head.
Adrian reacted on instinct, grabbed the cue and followed up with an arm lock, sending Tiny flying
towards the floor. Doc saw this martial art demonstrated on TV and concluded it was aikido. Tiny,
taken by surprise, was infuriated and he stood up and grabbed a chair. “I’m going to bust your skull,”
he shouted.
Doc watched Tiny swing the chair and Adrian sidestepped him, grabbed his wrist and swung Tiny
onto the top of the table, spilling the drink and catching everyone’s attention. Normally it would be a
fair fight, if fights in this bar followed the rules of fair play. Unfortunately for Adrian, as Doc knew,
bikers ganged up on their victims. The bartender had his hand on a shotgun under the bar. He looked
“The kid’s good,” Doc said to himself. Bubbles was sitting on the skull, but sensed her singing
Tiny's biker companions were seated, ready to aid him anytime. Five of them had been playing
cards with Tiny and while Doc eyed Tiny’s movements, all readied themselves with knives and brass
knuckles. However, underneath the table, some shoelaces were mysteriously being untied and tied to
another gentleman's shoelaces or the leg of the table. A mysterious voice started singing Blue Suede
Doc saw two of the Barbarians pulled out knives and rushed towards Adrian. One tripped over the
first, landed on the floor and pulled the table behind him. Another had brass knuckles on his right hand
and tried to avoid the first two. His shoe was tied to the table leg and the table tipped over, crashing on
the heads of the first two. The last two tried to avoid the fallen biker, but their shoes were tied together.
They tripped on top of the table, tangling each other and falling down onto the floor.
“Hey, you damn idiots,” said one biker underneath. “Get the fuck off of me.”
The crowd’s attention was now focused upon the fallen Barbarians. Two were knocked out and the
rest were disoriented. Their shoes were entangled and the table was broken into several pieces.
Doc watched as Tiny stood up. Tiny pulled out a knife, pointed it towards Adrian and said: “Later,
Tiny went over to help untangle his fellow Barbarians. One red head had his shoelaces entwined
with a table leg and when he attempted to stand up, the table leg hit another fallen one on the head. A
bearded criminal had his head stuck in a chair and as he turned around, the chair hit another one in the
stomach. Tiny started grabbing the broken pieces of furniture and tossing them away from his fallen
companions. Tiny eyed Adrian, and Adrian appeared too stupefied, while Ann appeared frightened and
Bubbles climbed down from the piano and started walking towards the pile of broken furniture. She
grabbed a table leg and started swinging. First she jumped on a Barbarian’s head and moved the table
leg around. She dropped the table leg and started jumping between the shoulders of two Barbarians.
She went over to a third and kissed him on the cheek. The kissed Barbarian picked her up gently and
The Barbarians rose to their feet and Tiny grabbed the monkey and handed her to Doc. Tiny then
reached for his knife and motioned for the other Barbarians to man some weapons. Adrian stepped
backward with the six Barbarians stepping towards him. A sudden sound of a shotgun being cocked
made Tiny stop and turn around. He saw the bartender pointing the shotgun his way.
Tiny waited and stared in the bartender’s direction, but the bartender just kept still and pointed the
gun. The only element able to affect the outcome was a bottle of Wild Turkey whiskey on the liquor
shelf behind the bartender. The bottle was positioned over his head and an invisible force slowly began
to propel it off the shelf, along with the song Turkey in the Straw.
The bottle fell on the bartender’s head, knocking him out and causing the gun to fire. The shot
grazed Tiny’s shoulder, so he yelled. Doc observed a flashing light turn itself on inside Ann’s purse.
He saw her open the purse and pull out and examine a camera. The shot grazed Tiny’s shoulder, so he
yelled and pressed one palm to the injury. From across the bar, Doc watched the blood begin to seep
between Tiny’s fingers. Wincing, Tiny slowly pulled his palm on his shoulder.
Doc observed Adrian’s left arm was showing spasms his right hand began to vibrate.
Doc’s mind flashed back to magic men his family went to. They claimed to work with spirits and
thought about the ventriloquist. Perhaps the kid was a genuine healer and was another magic man.
“Crap. We might have us a hoodoo voodoo man here, folks,” said Doc, addressing the audience, and
“Let’s see what that little guy can do,” said another Barbarian, looking in Adrian’s direction.
Adrian stood still while Doc pulled a thirty-eight out of his holster, as Doc was always ready to let
guns do the talking. He flipped it around his hand and pointed it towards Adrian. “I want to see the
hoodoo voodoo man,” said Doc. “You better be the real McCoy, son – else I will kill you for
interrupting my music.”
Doc signaled one waitress to watch Bubbles and another one would help Ann. He told the other
bartender to get some whiskey, a couple of Barbarians to examine and help the unconscious bartender
and Fred, a Barbarian who used to be a paramedic, to accompany him into the back room. He
motioned for Adrian to follow him and grabbed the whiskey bottle. Doc had a change in plans, handed
“Joe, take Tiny in the back and look after that wound. The hoodoo voodoo man and myself will see
to the bartender.”
Joe went with Tiny into the back room. Adrian went over with Doc to the bartender, who was still
leaning on the counter unconscious. Doc examined the bartender’s head, looking for cuts and signs of
glass embedded in the skull. He looked at Adrian, stood back and pointed his middle finger towards
the bartender. Doc poured himself a shot of scotch and proceeded to sip it. His other hand was stayed
on his holstered gun. “He’s yours, kid. Consider this a trial run.”
Adrian laid his hands on the man’s head and a couple of minutes passed, with Doc observing both
hands vibrate. Adrian lifted his arms away and the bartender began to regain consciousness and slowly
looked around.
“Shit. The kid’s the real McCoy,” said Doc. He went over and patted the bartender on the back. “The
his scotch and motioned to Adrian to follow him. While an old-timer explained things to the bartender
as he served drinks. Adrian and Doc slipped into the back room. “See that his girl gets special
Doc closed the door and Joe was cleaning Tiny’s wound with a piece of cloth saturated in whiskey.
Tiny was biting on a bar towel and blood was still flowing from his arm.
“Just grazed, but he needs a doc,” said Joe, still washing the shoulder with the whiskey-soaked cloth.
Doc grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a sip. He slapped Adrian on the back with his right hand,
saying,” this whiskey is cheap shit. But don’t worry. This hoodoo voodoo man will fix him up.”
Tiny grabbed the pencil from his mouth and motioned Doc to pass the whiskey. He grabbed the
bottle from Doc and took a big swig of a bottle labeled Royal Fire Water. He observed Adrian looking
at the label and Tiny motioning for Adrian to come over and saying: “You better know your shit.”
Adrian put his hands around Tiny’s shoulder while Doc and Joe watched, as Adrian’s body began to
twitch. At first, it looked like a mild spasm. The body movements became more rapid and Doc
thought he was witnessing a revival preacher. A minute or two passed as Adrian continued and a
surprised expression flooded Tiny’s face. Joe’s face expressed an amazed look as the blood stopped
“Well, I be damned!” said Tiny. “Where did he learn that hocus pocus crap?”
“The asylum,” said Adrian, attempting to be truthful but not realizing the statement’s impact. Tiny
looked dumbfounded and Doc and Joe just stood there, wondering if they had heard correctly.
“I learned this in the asylum,” said Adrian. “That was before my escape.”
“The kid’s such a comedian,” said Doc.
Tiny shook his head but Joe lit up a cigarette and extended the pack, offering a smoke to Tiny, Doc
and Adrian. Joe grabbed a smoke but the others declined. Doc grabbed a lighter from his coat pocket
“You know what, Doc,” said Tiny. “This kid’s cool. His shit’s cool. Fuck. He may even fit in.”
Doc watched Joe check the shoulder again, expressing amazement that the wound had stopped
bleeding and appeared healed, except for a visible scar. Doc knew Joe had seen many medical
“I’ve seen gunshot wounds but never any that had healed instantaneously. Mind if I ask a few
“I wish to have a private conversation with the kid,” said Doc, so the Barbarians left.
“Send his old lady in,” said Doc, as the Barbarians headed for the door.
“Doc, you know how to pick your friends,” said Tiny. Tiny gave Adrian another surprised look and
then departed with Joe. A half-minute passed and Ann opened the door. Doc noticed her looking
around the room at a round table with a few chairs. Adrian and Doc were standing up.
“Sit a spell,” said Doc. “Let’s get acquainted. I’m Danny Holliday, but folks call me Doc. Doc
“Ann Cutter.”
“Hey Kid,” said Doc, turning to Adrian. “What’s your formal name?”
“Adrian Albright.”
As Doc took his hand, he noticed a Burning bush with an embedded rose showing though a
buttonhole slot on his shirt. He became excited and pointed to the Burning bush.
Adrian removed the Burning bush from under his shirt, with the chain still around his neck. Doc
examined the front and back, carefully looking at the rose color.
“Shit man, you know Rumi. He thinks you’re special, ” said Doc.
“Oh, brother,” said Adrian, appearing more bewildered than ever. “How did you meet him?”
“Sid down, gang,” said Doc. “I’ll grab a beer and we’ll shoot the shit. Name your poison.”
Doc went to the door to the bar area and opened it. He whistled for Diane, who stopped her normal
serving round and came over and take the drink order.
Diane returned with the drinks and Doc motioned for Diane to leave. She left the room and closed
the door behind her while he poured the wine for Ann. Adrian dispensed the lemons and limes inside
his Coke pitcher before slowly filling his glass, being careful not to let the foam rise too high. Doc
spun a tale of helplessness and rescue. About two years ago, he was in crossfire between two members
of the Devil Dogs. It was a trap and he would normally have shot his way out. Except that one of the
Devil Dogs had decided to light a Molotov cocktail. Doc would have embraced his beloved death,
except the member holding the cocktail bomb couldn’t move before throwing it. There was nothing
that could explain his temporary paralysis, and it faded when he circled around him to insure he was
disarmed. He turned to one side and saw a mountain man carrying a Bible. They became close
friends, with them getting together regularly, believing Rumi was responsible for saving his life by
disabling the bomber. The two members were renegades violating the Devil Dogs’ and Barbarians’
forged truce, as he would later turn them back to the Devil Dogs for disciplinary action.
“Some story,” said Ann, sipping her wine.
He related his story, referring to Coyote as a spirit guide but not referring to his physical
manifestations. He continued to relate his story about the murder, escape and encounter with Rumi.
Doc appeared to be very interested in the story. Ann provided a few missing details regarding the
police investigation and the need to question Adrian, bringing similar thoughts to Adrian’s mind.
Doc was silent and suddenly burst into a round of hysterical laughter. He slapped his knees and
responded like an addict in a Stooge convention. “Contact the police…” said Doc, and proceeded to
burst again into laughter. A couple of minutes passed with Doc in hysterics. Ann and Adrian watched
in complete surprise.
“Sorry, kid,” said Doc. “I haven’t had a laugh like this in ages.”
“It’s like putting mascara on a pig,” said Doc and succumbed to another minute of howling laughter.
“It’s a saying of Rumi’s,” said Doc. “It’s putting cosmetic changes to fix a major problem. You see,
kid, the sheriff is on the take. He’s the Curly puppet of Scorpion. ”
Doc pulled a cigarette from his pocket and he glanced at Ann. “Do you mind?”
“Please go ahead.”
Doc lit the cigarette and took another sip of beer. “Scorpion’s a murderer. He’s a new renegade
killer for the Devil Dogs but I think he has dangerous ambitions.”
“There were a fox and scorpion who met on a riverbank. The scorpion asked for a ride across the river.
The fox, worrying that the scorpion would sting him, refused at first. The scorpion put the fox’s mind
at rest by stating if he does, they’ll both die. The scorpion got on the fox’s back, and the fox started
swimming. When they were about halfway across, the scorpion stung the fox. As the fox started to
lose consciousness, he asked the scorpion why he stung him, since they now would both drown. The
scorpion replied, ‘I can’t help it, it’s my nature.’ Quite a story, right?” asked Doc.
Doc raised his glass to toast Ann and Adrian and proceeded to speak. “ I can help you with this
“I have HIV and the virus was just detected. Use that hoodoo voodoo healing and I will help you.”
“That’s a heavy trip. It may be beyond me,” said Adrian, showing apprehension.
“A deal,” said Adrian, extending his hand to shake Doc’s. Doc proceeded to tell a couple more
stories but he noticed Ann eyeing her watch. “Let’s fix this problem with Scorpion,” he said. “ Drink a
few beers, shoot the breeze, play some cards and dice.” He stood up and signaled it was time to go
“This may sound dumb,” said Adrian. “But how does enjoying myself solve my problem?
“Not you, Adrian,” said Doc. “We go talk the matter over with Scorpion.”
Adrian’s mouth almost dropped. A moment of silence passed before Adrian had the courage to speak.
“ Leave it to me,” said Doc. “I’ll fix everything.” He extended his right arm and lightly slapped
Adrian on the back.
“No problem. You can thank me later,” said Doc. “Time for my music gig. You can thank me later,
Back in the bar, Doc asked Diane to reset the table for his honored guests and reached for Bubbles.
He placed the monkey on the piano next to the skull. The monkey started rubbing her mouth across the
skull’s surface while Doc turned to address the audience. “Ann and Adrian are my friends”, said Doc.
The audience stood up and gave a thundering round of applause. Ann and Adrian watched from the
corner table while Doc reached for the keyboard. Bubbles was becoming glassy eyed and staring at the
A Matter Of Spirit
Adrian accompanied Doc home after a few musical songs and Ann headed back to her place. Ann
had Doc’s phone number and knew the two of them planned on meeting Scorpion tomorrow night. She
had trouble sleeping that night and spent considerable time tossing and turning. Saturday morning
arrived and she found herself half-asleep. She dressed and went to fetch her newspaper from the
front porch. As she lifted the paper, she saw an envelope under it. Upon opening the envelope, she
was surprised at the enclosed handwritten note: If you are seeking answers to spiritual matters, come to
Ann needed some answers to Adrian’s condition, so she purchased some strong coffee from a fast
food chain and drove to Saint Michael’s church. She hoped to talk to Father O’Connor about the note
Ann parked her car in the church lot and went inside in the dimness of the sanctuary. She saw a
woman walking back and forth, looking at the floor. She watched for a minute as the woman walked
around a statue of Mary. Figuring she may have lost something, Ann said, “Did you drop something?
Can I help you?” The woman seemed oblivious to her and continued searching. Ann finally walked
over to where the woman was looking and bent down so the woman would notice her.
“It only happens for me, you know.” The woman started moving her arms up and down and Ann
began to wonder if she suffered from mental illness. The person was in her forties, dark brown hair,
“Who are you?” asked Ann, extending the hand toward the woman. “My name’s Ann.”
“My name’s Dorothy,” the lady replied, breaking open a candy bar. “Care for some?”
Ann broke the candy bar and gave Dorothy half, which she proceeded to eat while bent over, still
searching the floor. Ann watched as Dorothy ate the candy bar and circled around the Mary statue.
Dorothy finished chewing a bit of chocolate and looked up for a moment. “In the rectory,” she said.
Dorothy sat down and related her story. “ I was a Christian Scientist, following the healing church of
Mary Baker Eddy and witnessed many healing miracles until I married my current husband, who was
Catholic. I converted to the Catholic faith and prayed to Mary, Christ’s mother. On my altar at home
there is a picture of Mary Baker Eddy, who is my patron saint. This caused much conflict with my
husband and the priest, because Mary Baker Eddy was not a canonized saint or even Catholic. One
day, I had a vision in which Mary Baker Eddy instructed me to go to Saint Michael’s and look for rose
petals with healing properties near Mary’s shrine, put them in water and drink the combination. I
believed that the petals materialize from Mary’s hands. The first time I found them, I drank the rose
water myself and was cured of the flu overnight. Each Wednesday, there are rose petals and I’ve been
suddenly flashed. She realized she had forgotten to remove the camera and it must have gone off
again.
“Yes. He said to wait and see and it is too early to tell. My Christian Scientist friends think I am a
heretic.”
At that moment, Father O’Connor came in and smiled at the two. “Good morning, ladies,” he said.
“Did you write this note, Father?” asked Ann, holding out the note she received that morning.
“I don’t know, Ann,” he said. “But you are welcome to stay and talk, if you wish.” Ann felt no
need to stay and she thanked Father O’Connor and said goodbye to Dorothy. Father O’Connor walked
back to the rectory and Dorothy gave the rose petals to Ann.
“Please keep them,” said Dorothy. “I think Mary wants you to have them.” She walked over to the
Ann opened the door and headed down the flight of wide stairs. A beggar on the stairs wearing
“Alms for the love of Allah,” he said again, grabbing her arm.
Ann jerked her arm out of his grasp and stared at this panhandler who was so bold as to touch her.
He was wearing a long black cloak, which he pulled tightly around him, but she could see Levis and a
Catholic Church.”
“No! Allah is Arabic for God and God belongs to all people,” he said. “I have both Arabic and
German blood in my veins. Anyway, you look troubled. Care to talk?” His weathered face cracked a
faint smile.
Ann laughed in spite of herself and then gasped softly. The beggars sparkling lack eyes held her
gaze, radiating a love and compassion she hadn’t felt in a long time. She would have just brushed it
off, except for the burning bush with the embedded rose embedded under his partially buttoned shirt.
Adrian had told her there was only one burning bush like that in the world. No, this can’t be Rumi!
She thought. But then she noticed the hypnotic eyes Adrian described and know without a doubt that
Her heart leapt to her throat as she realized that she might be in danger. She knew Adrian vouched
for her but her training as a therapist told her to proceed with caution. Don’t tell him anything
personal! Maybe if I mentioned Adrian’s name. But Rumi’s eyes were so hypnotic – were luring her
“Why yes,” Ann replied. “An animal spirit.” She was a bit puzzled by his knowledge but
“So?” asked Ann. She decided to take the plunge. “If Coyote is not a Jungian archetype or a
“None of those,” said Rumi. “He’s neither a spirit of heaven or hell, but an earth spirit. He’s been
around since the beginning of time.”
Ann was puzzled at Rumi’s words but due to his handling of the question, felt he had some wisdom
“Go back to his first visions and you will have your answer,” he said.
The words puzzled Ann and she decided to reflect upon them later. “Is he cured? I can’t find any
“The Coyote did not cure him and you will find a heavenly spirit cured him,” Rumi said. “You have
Ann realized he was referring to the rose petals. Now she was more confused then ever. She needed
some more answers about Adrian. She remembered the vision Dorothy had told her about and
“Did Rip Van Winkle sleep? Is now any different than two centuries ago? Jacob Boehme, a
Lutheran shoe cobbler in Germany, looked into a water bowl and he was flooded with spiritual
knowledge. Clarence Fox, the Quaker, was saturated with light in the midst of darkness. Emanuel
Swedenborg, a scientist, was flooded with visions of heaven and hell. Meister Eckhart, a Dominican,
Now Ann was beginning to wonder if the beggar might have some spiritual insight. She wanted to
ask more questions, but Rumi motioned that he needed to leave. A nearby car horn distracted Ann and
she turned her head. She turned back around and the beggar was gone. She opened her purse to get
some gum to soothe her nerves and noticed the camera was missing. She saw the note she picked up
that morning and decided to read it again, but the contents were even more surprising.
“I need to take back the camera to develop some pictures. Tell Doc and Adrian I will be in touch
IT’S MY PARTY
The time was 9 p.m. and the annual Devil Dogs bash was going to start soon. The Devil Dogs and
the Barbarians were on a friendly basis because of an established truce and it wasn’t uncommon for
them to attend each other’s parties when they weren’t fighting. Tonight, Butcher, the head of the Devil
Dogs, and Scorpion, the Devil Dogs’ chief assassin, were discussing both the party arrangements and
“How does he do it?” asked Scorpion. “How does he end up making friends with Holliday, that
crazy mountain man Rumi and become friendly with the Barbarians?” “They think he’s a crazy
rebel,” replied Butcher. “Like in that book, by Kook-away called Dumber Bums. He’s like that
“It’s Darned Bums and Ginseng”, said Scorpion, attempting to remember his literary works.
“He’s a role model to them,” Butcher replied. “Like that writer Salamander. Oh…what did he
“But how do we handle him?” asked Scorpion, drinking a drab American brew and puzzling over
“That’s the brilliance of it all,” said Butcher. “He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he rats,
hey, he’s a mental patient and no one would believe him. If he’s silent, then we continue with business
as usual. ”
“And I have an alibi,” replied Scorpion. “I was playing cards with some of the boys. Nothing is
pinned on me and the Barbarians would consider him a stoolie and wipe him out for us.”
services. Normally they engaged two or three escort services and five women from each service for the
annual bash. One of the usual prospects had been yanked away to attend a political convention at the
last minute and Tattoo needed Butcher’s approval for any new acquisitions. He stopped by and related
“What should I do?” asked Tattoo nervously, knowing he would be killed if enough female
“What are the choices again?” asked Butcher, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it while appearing
“It’s a choice between Heavenly Ecstasy and Sinfully Delicious,” said Tattoo, overwhelmed by the
“Shit, it’s easy,” said Butcher. “Both names sound good. Hire them both.”
By eleven, the party was rolling and bikers were engaging in conversation by the bar. Some were
in the back, snorting cocaine and smoking weed. Others were talking with the escort whores,
arranging a time for fun. Some were playing cards and shooting dice. Eleven thirty found Doc,
Adrian, and Bubbles arriving to join the festivities. Everyone knew Bubbles and she was a welcome
guest at all Barbarian and Gladiator functions. Butcher came over and made the introductions.
“Doc, so nice to see you again. You remember Scorpion,” Butcher said, shaking Doc’s hand.
“My friend Adrian,” said Doc. Adrian was a little nervous as he shook the hands of Butcher and
Scorpion. If Sodom and Gomorrah arranged tours, this would be their first bus stop. If Noah paired
these goofs with the animals, the animals would commit suicide. Noah would have a good reason to
get drunk afterwards. The skunk would have thought her suitors were coming out of the woodwork.
They’ll probably kill the porcupine for toothpicks and string up the goose for a doorbell. The poor
“Let’s shoot the shit a while,” said Butcher. “Sit a spell and guzzle some brews.” Doc and
Adrian joined Scorpion at a table, while Bubbles played with a bag of peanuts near the bar. She liked
to mimic the dancing or make faces at the bikers. Tonight she would have her own escort. The
ashtray next to her caught her attention as it spoke to her in language only chimps could understand and
only she could hear. She held the ashtray with an affectionate grip.
“Hey, kid,” said Coyote, “Let’s liven up the party and have some fun. Grab that book of matches
Bubbles was delighted her companion had come back to play. She grabbed the box of unattended
matches and snuck under the table, unnoticed by anyone. When she was underneath, she noticed the
matchbox contained the persona of her friend. “That shoe has a hole in it,” said Coyote. “Let’s have
some fun.”
Bubbles watched as the matchbox in her hand opened itself and a match floated out, positioning
itself inside the shoe’s hole. Another match floated out and lit the first one. She watched, as the match
kept burning closer to the foot. Suddenly, out of the din of conversation, a roar erupted.
“Damn! Son of a bitch!” Scumbag yelled, pulling his foot up to see what was causing the sudden
pain. The movement caused Bubbles to panic. She ran out from underneath still holding the box of
matches, and scurried over to Doc. Scumbag came over to discuss Bubbles’ behavior, while Doc held
the frightened Bubbles and Adrian sat silently, figuring out what happened but not wishing to alert
“That crafty monkey gave me a hot foot,” said Scumbag. “I didn’t know she could do that.”
red. That Coyote is playing Bugs Bunny, he thought to himself. “You sit and behave yourself,” Doc
said, looking sternly at Bubbles. Bubbles gave a smiley face and sat silently by the table. Doc knew it
was time to discuss Adrian’s situation. He lifted his beer glass and said, “We need to talk, my friend.
My buddy here is still a live target.” Doc gave Scorpion a look that said -- “I mean business.”
Scorpion noticed a couple women of entering the stage. He knew the floorshow was starting and
business could wait. He raised his whiskey glass and all the bikers followed suit. They yelled snide
comments like “Wow, baby” or “Shake that butt.” Adrian just sat there, wondering how he got into this
mess. But he practically had a panic attack when Scorpion stood up and yelled, “Let’s have Doc play
some tunes for the strippers.” The bikers were cheering in unison while Moose, a keyboard player,
“All right folks,” yelled Doc. “You guys pour the drinks and I’ll crank the tune. How about
Fever?”
While the bikers raised their glasses and cheered, Adrian sank back in his seat. I’m stuck in this
dumpy bar, next to Genghis Khan trying to kill me, watching strippers, while my protector, Quick Draw
Mc Draw, is playing piano and Son Number One is playing tricks. I feel like Alfred Hitchcock is the
master of ceremonies.
Doc walked to the keyboard, plunked down his drink and motioned the strippers over toward him.
He kissed one on the check and another on the mouth. The strippers -- Juicy Jane and Sexy Susan --
gazed at the audience provocatively. Doc motioned them over towards center stage while he played the
Juicy Jane danced around a center pole and took off her top piece. Sexy Susan squatted down,
“Later, Hon,” Sexy Susan said sweetly, shining her bedroom eyes around the room while Doc
A biker standing near Sexy Susan yelled, “Oh baby, save some Fever for me.” She gave him a
teasing look and turned to the biker adjacent to him. “Oh, sweets,” she said in a sexy tone, “give me
some sugar.” Sexy Susan turned her rear towards his face and shook it back and forth. The biker and
his companions were heating up. Some eyes were focused on Susan and the others on Jane. Now Doc
was oblivious to everything but the music. The sirens of Olympus could dance seductively around him
and he would ignore their enticements during his gigs. He melodiously echoed another chorus.
Scorpion momentarily forgot Adrian had seen his murder antics and said to him, “Hey kid, those
Adrian’s mind started to drift, filled with rambling thoughts. What am I doing here? This is
nonsense. A party for the Jessie James gang with chicks dancing to seductive music. The Lone Ranger
playing for this den of hedonistic pigs. Jack the Ripper standing beside me – enjoying this party. That
weird Coyote causing trouble – playing Professor Dingbat. And the monkey…Bubbles…becoming the
understudy of Coyote. Adrian started looking around the room, looking for the monkey. A lump ran
down his throat. It was like looking for a misbehaving dog that hides in the closet chewing a shoe.
While Adrian wondered about the monkey, Bubbles was sitting underneath the bar. Coyote was
talking to her though a drink glass, in a telepathic language she understood. “Reach into the jar. See
the firecracker? Good! Hold the jar and matches and we will have some fun!” The jar lid floated
down towards the floor. The matchbox opened up and several matches were lit. A few dozen
firecrackers floated towards the matches and the fuses ignited. While the audience was focused on the
strippers, an invisible force pushed several firecrackers softly onto the floor area. Bubbles -- not
The next few moments seemed like an eternity for Adrian. He was the only male not making
bedroom eyes with strippers or lost in a Fever tune. He watched and cringed as each lit firecracker
landed on the floor – some landed near strippers, others near bikers, and one right by Scorpion.
The firecrackers exploded, disrupting the music and strip teasing. Jane and Susan screamed,
creating a confused climate. Scorpion and Doc had guns pulled and eyes swept the room, looking for
party crashers prone to attack. Igor, the Devil Dogs’ security chief, thought he heard gunshots and
panicked. One moment he was gulping beer and whiskey chasers and being frisky with strippers.
Doc ran toward Adrian and pushed him down. In a moment of existential dread, Adrian was
situated between his protector and greatest enemy. He started reflecting on his dilemma. Who
dreamed up this party, anyway – Rufus T. Firefly? I’m so frustrated. My feet are hurting and I’m
stuck. Professor Moriarty is on my right and Sherlock on my left with Dr. Watson sitting between them.
If they fire at each other, guess who ends up a pincushion? Where’s Goofy and Tinkerbell?
Igor and the security detail swept outside and found only a lap dog and alley cat. Frustrated, Igor
looked inside for unfamiliar faces. The same ugly mugs were present and all the escorts had been
checked beforehand. A full two minutes passed with no noises. Bubbles emerged from behind the bar,
carrying firecrackers in her right hand and a matchbook in her left. Igor looked straight at Bubbles and
started laughing. The bikers and escorts turned toward Bubbles and Igor and started cracking up. The
next few minutes had the party crowd erupting in hysterical laughter.
“You little stinker,” said Igor laughing, as he picked up Bubbles. “You’re full of piss and vinegar
tonight.”
Doc emerged from Adrian’s table, walking toward Bubbles. Igor handed Bubbles over to Doc, who
cradled her with extended arms. Doc removed the firecrackers and matches and handed them to Igor.
Igor held the firecrackers and matches up while Doc held up Bubbles, who was making faces over the
unexpected attention.
Adrian sat down – noticing Scorpion calmly watching the show. Now what? Next Chop-Chop invites
me for a drink. I don’t want to be Humpty Dumpty, shot off the wall while Coyote teaches Bubbles to
be Chicken Little. Who’s that Igor character? He reminds me of the Mad Hatter having a bad day.
Here I am – Peter Pan partying with Captain Hook, protected by Sir Lancelot who knows the Wizard of
Oz, while Merlin and Toto entertain everyone. And those ladies aren’t Goldilocks and Red Riding
Hood. Who are the Devil Dogs anyway? They’re misfits that Tolkien’s enchanted forest would spit out.
Wonderful!
The crowd rolled in hysterical laughter. Igor, taken back by events, was initiating the beer dunk
ritual: bikers would laugh for ages and empty beer cans over each other’s heads. Doc carried Bubbles
over to join Adrian and Scorpion. He sat down, lowered Bubbles toward the floor and waited for the
beer dunk to subside. Then he turned to Scorpion and said: “You know, my friend, my pal here has
Scorpion pretended he was imitating the Thinker. He looked first at Adrian then his eye shifted in
Doc’s direction: “I hear someone put a contract on him. Of course, I wouldn’t know anything about
that.”
“Of course,” said Doc, returning the glance. “But can you help my pal or shall we dance the Tango?”
Scorpion again postured deep thought. He allowed a minute or two to pass. He poured a shot of
whiskey and offered his guests a drink. Adrian politely passed and Doc took a shot, toasted Scorpion
“Doc. Seeing I have respect for you and the kid is cool, consider it done.”
“How do you seal it?” asked Adrian, wanting to seal the deal. He wondered why Scorpion gave in
“The kid said that he doesn’t mind. Now let’s get a cigar.”
Doc fumbled in his pockets, but only produced a cigarette case. Scorpion looked into his coat
without success and Adrian kept his fingers crossed because he hates smoking. Doc felt a tugging on
his pants leg. First he ignored it but the tugging continued. He glanced down and eyed Bubbles. Her
eyes twinkling with a mischievous gleam, her left paw pulled on Doc’s pants and her right paw held a
cigar.
“What’s this?” asked Doc, holding up the cigar for all to see. “A cigar. Bubbles is Einstein.”
Adrian began to worry about a tampered cigar and hoped to stop the smoking ritual. He looked at
“Kid’s got a point,” said Doc. Doc put the cigar down and Scorpion promptly picked it up. He
looked at the label and exhibited a faint smile, which caused Adrian to worry.
“A what?”
Scorpion handed him the cigar and he positioned it under his nose, smelling the pleasant aroma and
feeling the texture. He looked at the label and his eyes lit up. Bubbles looked exhilarated and Adrian
wanted to crawl beneath the table. Doc held up the cigar and said, “it’s a Esplendido. Among the best
“Because…because…because Bubbles probably put it in her mouth,” he said, happy that he had
“I’ll get one,” said Scorpion. “Hey, Moose.” Moose heard his name and walked over.
“Yes?”
Moose gave him a cigar and took the Cuban. He walked to the coffee table where Igor sat for
guard duty and put the cigar next to a Jack Daniels bottle. He picked up a stale donut, soaked it in
While Moose enjoyed his snack, Scorpion lit the stogie and savored the first puff. He enjoyed the
cigar, relishing its flavor and inhaling in a long, slow rhythm. After a few puffs, he passed it to Doc.
Doc examined the cigar, looking over its wrappings and smelling the burning tobacco. He mouthed the
cigar, surrendering to the savory puffs. After inhaling deeply a few times, he passed it to Adrian.
Adrian took one puff and started coughing. “Sorry”...cough, cough…”I’m not used to”…cough,
cough…”cigars.”
“Kid needs some time,” said Scorpion. “Look. Butcher is gonna select a tune.”
The trio continued to smoke, with Adrian not inhaling and adjusting to the stinging tobacco. If I don’t
smoke this, I will be killed. If I smoke this, I will be killed. Is it better to die a quick death or a slow
one? Slow. Didn’t Curly once enter a contest for the Coffin Nails Cigarette Company? I either smoke
Butcher, the Gladiator’s leader, walked over to Moose. Butcher always concerned himself over his
boys’ enjoyment. He wanted some sexy tunes to go with the mood. Moose, finished with his vodka
sexy tunes.”
“No problem, boss,” said Moose. He looked through his CD collection, trying to find an appropriate
CD. He fumbled through rap and rock tunes trying to find something sensual. None seemed to fit and
he was getting frustrated. If he didn’t find a tune, the boss would kill him. He had started to panic
when Bubbles climbed next to him, holding a CD. “What’s this?” he asked himself. Bubbles extended
the CD to him and he looked at the label – Sexy Tunes. “Shit,” he said, “Butcher will be so happy.”
He put the CD in, cranked up the volume and waited for the mood tunes. Bubbles immediately
scrambled away, leaving Moose alone to take the fall. The Beer Barrel Polka music began to blast
Everyone stopped and looked at the CD player. Adrian and Doc looked for Bubbles and found her
beside their table. Butcher sauntered over toward Moose and started yelling: “I said a sex tune – not a
Polka tune.”
“But Butcher,” said Moose, “the monkey chose this. Blame the monkey.”
“You’re right,” said Butcher. “A monkey did choose this. Now get that fucking CD out of there.”
Moose pushed the eject button but nothing occurred. He turned the volume down but nothing
happened. Butcher was watching the antics while the polka tune kept blasting. “Nothing works,” said
“Hey Mojo, “ yelled Butcher. “Get over here and fix the CD player.”
Mojo was the fixit man and excelled at electronic gizmos. He tried pressing the eject button but it
didn’t work. The volume knob was also broken and his fumbling only intensified Butcher’s anger.
While Mojo looked for the plug, Moose leaned against the machine and triggered the ejection
“It’s working now,” said Butcher, “let’s see that CD”. Mojo removed the CD and handed it to
Butcher. He examined the label and (clearly) read the title Polka Tunes. “Hey Moose,” he yelled.
“Read this label. What does it say?” He shoved the CD towards him and he looked at the label.
“Damn it,” he replied. “It says Polka Tunes. But I know it said Sexy Tunes.”
“Speaking of sexy tunes, “ said Mojo. “It’s time I polka some sexy tunes. Get my drift?”
Butcher picked up the CD and smashed it against the floor. He examined the CD collection and
picked one out. After handing it to Moose, he engaged an escort in conversation. Mojo went over to
another escort, happy that his turn for fun and fantasy would start. Moose scratched his head and
looked at the broken CD. “It did say Sexy Tunes,” he said to himself.
Some of the boys were breaking the dope out. Piranha, Killjoy, and Claw, three enforcers from
Gladiator ranks, were breaking in some new cocaine. In the corner, Bubbles had a slight smile. Her
right paw held a bottle of Hellfire hot sauce, the hottest sauce around. She watched, waiting for the
reaction from the cocaine sampling party, when they tried a Coyote substitute laced with hot sauce.
“This is good shit,” Piranha said. “Snort this shit and feel the rush.”
He snorted some cocaine, putting it under his nose. He smelled the cocaine and his face lit up. His
mouth opened and the cocaine and hot sauce worked simultaneously, producing both an euphoric and
an intense burning sensation. Shortly, the burning sensation overtook the euphoric sensation. Piranha,
screaming “Holy shit,” scrambled to the washroom. Bubbles scurried into another room, unseen by
Killjoy snorted the cocaine and the color was reddish white, which he had never seen in cocaine
before. “Wonders of modern chemistry,” he said, raising his hand and snorting the coke. First he felt a
numbing and euphoric sensation, followed by an intense burning. It took a few seconds for his brain to
register. “I’m on fire,” he yelled and ran toward the washroom, leaving Claw looking on in
amazement.
“Must be a new high,” said Claw, wondering about the new experience. He too snorted the powder
and dispensed with the ritualistic movements his companions took part in. He felt the cocaine dancing
its tango of euphoria and numbness on his tongue, dulling his brain with its pleasure granules. The fire
kicked in, causing his mouth to water and his eyes and tongue to burn. He rushed to the washroom to
“Great shit,” said Piranha, now that the fire had dulled in his water-cooled palate.
“Cool crap,” said Killjoy, putting his mouth under the sink faucet.
“Let’s hit some more shit,” said Claw, his mouth under another sink faucet.
WHAT A CARD
Another room was dedicated to porno films and gambling. While some boys were watching porno
flicks, Barracuda, Ox, Hook, and Deadbeat played poker. Spike had a system where he passed leading
cards, slipping them under the table to Ox, his partner. A slight of hand here and a wrist twisting there
would create a winning hand or two. Ox would signal via eye moments his preferences, and Barracuda
the table for Ox to reach. Under the table, Bubbles was hidden with a card deck. She grabbed the Ace
of Spades and watched it float from her hand into the deck. She watched as another Ace of Spades
floated from the deck into Ox’s hand. Barracuda then slipped an Ace of Hearts under the table.
Bubbles grabbed the card and watched it float into the deck. Another Ace of Hearts floated from the
deck into Ox’s hand. Bubbles then kissed the table goodbye, with nobody noticing her – they were
either too busy watching porno flicks or focusing upon the card game.
Ox slipped out two cards and put the aces in his hand. He grinned and folded his cards down. “Four
Barracuda was upset that Ox had been accused of cheating. He walked over to Hook, looked him
straight in the face and said, “How dare you accuse Ox of cheating! What proof do you have?”
Hook grabbed the hand Ox had and held it up. “What’s wrong with this deck?”
“Nothing wrong? Nothing wrong?” screamed Hook. “The card backs have pictures of naked women.
Two of those cards have clowns wearing red and green outfits.”
A GOOD SMOKE
Adrian, Doc, and Scorpion finally finished the cigar. Adrian, though green from puffing the cigar,
found redemption in a french fry, cooked by this cuisine cook – Grease Pit. While Doc and Scorpion
were shooting the shit, Adrian was contemplating the philosophy of a french fry. Oh, the mouth-
watering succulence bathed in scrumptious ketchup. How my mouth waters for this tasty delight. His
thoughts were momentarily interrupted by a noise from the next room.
Where was I? This savory taste makes my mouth water in ever-flowing secretions of saliva, savoring
this splendid order of steamy delight. Oh, I can just picture it now. My mouth bites into this tasty
morsel and I am transported into waves of sensual bliss, forgetting the cares of everyday concerns.
I keep getting interrupted. This delightfully shaped morsel, dipping in this wonderful sauce, makes
an excellent addition to my stomach cavity. There, my hunger pangs are soothed by its delightful
texture and appealing flavor. Oh, how I can extract the essential elements of taste, smell, and touch,
delighting in the sinful pleasure of this wonderful appetizer. Again, Adrian heard the noise and Doc
and Scorpion, looking where the noise originated, interrupted his thoughts.
Butcher rushed toward the room, yelling, “Igor, Moose, Mojo, Scorpion, Vulture! There’s a fight in
the next room! Let’s break things up!” Scorpion rushed from the table, leaving Doc and Adrian
behind.
Curiosity bit Doc’s arm and he strolled into the adjacent room with Adrian following behind.
When they arrived, the fight had broken up. Moose and Mojo pushed Barracuda and Ox apart while
Scorpion and Vulture pushed Deadbeat and Hook apart. Butcher tried to get to the bottom of things
while Igor held some mace up to insure things remained quiet. Bubbles, acting like the innocent
Deadbeat explained what happened and brought over the two aces and the dealing deck and showed
them to Butcher. Butcher eyed both the naked women and the clowns decorating the back. Then,
“Now look,” said Butcher. “This is our annual bash. You boys go into another room until everyone
cools down. Remember this – if you’re going to cheat, you fucking idiots, make sure the decks have
“Deadbeat…Hook…You boys drink some beers and cool down. We’ll talk about this matter another
Only Adrian figured out what had happened and he wouldn’t tell anyone there. Except for a
few minor tricks here and there, the party followed its typical format of drug taking, drinking, sexual
licentiousness, and gambling. The only redeeming features for Adrian were the French fries and the
deal with Scorpion to keep Adrian’s head intact, almost. Everyone left before the rooster crowed,
though some party animals gave the rooster a shot of cocaine and he ended up crowing through the day
PARTY AFTERMATH
The Gladiator’s clubhouse was a three-story brick house, owned by the club and heavily fortified
with video cameras, motion sensors, radios scanning different police channels and other state of the art
equipment. In order to identify potential killers making clubhouse raids, they kept a video record for
twenty-four hours of clubhouse activity – both inside and outside the club. Scorpion, after reviewing
some tape footage, was having a meeting with Butcher, Igor, Mojo and Moose the afternoon following
the party.
“This you have to see,” said Butcher. “Watch this firecracker display.”
Mojo rolled the projector, slowing it down with frame-by-frame showing. The others sat in
clubhouse seats, watching several firecrackers come from behind the bar in different directions
“I don’t get it. I thought this might be a snuff film. Instead, I see a monkey playing Uncle Sam,”
said Moose.
Butcher shook his head and turned to Scorpion. “Help me out here.”
Scorpion took three knives and held them in his right hand. He aimed for the opposite wall and threw
the three knives together. They landed inside the wall panel about three feet apart.
“I threw the knives and they land three feet apart. The monkey throws the firecrackers and they land
several feet apart. It’s impossible for a monkey to do that,” said Scorpion.
Moose attempted to understand Butcher’s answer but quickly he became confused. Before he could
“I examined the tapes and found the monkey present when each trick was played. She is hiding
behind the bar or under a table. The video monitors can’t see all these places. Either she is very lucky
“But if he has a transmitter, our receivers would pick it up,” said Igor.
Scorpion was thinking of the magician angle and remembered his hand being pushed away when
attempting to shoot Adrian. Moose was attempting to think and blurted out an idea. “Should I follow
the monkey?”
“No. I don’t want you to follow the monkey!” replied Butcher, becoming a bit annoyed by Moose.
Everyone was silent and Butcher appeared lost in thought. He turned around and looked Moose in
the eyes. “Brilliant plan. Ace the monkey. Let’s see now…Irk Doc, the deadliest shot around…Scare
off Adrian, after we have him where he can be watched…Drag the Barbarians into a war with us…
Butcher started pacing back and forth. He was fuming inside but knew he needed Moose for his size
and strength to do the club’s dirty work. He stopped pacing, poured himself a shot of whiskey and
gulped it down before going over near Moose and speaking again.
“No…I don’t want you to ace the monkey. Don’t even think of following the monkey! I don’t want
you to even date the monkey. Stay away from the monkey.”
“Jeez! I’m just trying to be helpful,” said Moose, appearing a bit dejected.
“Look fellows, “ said Mojo. I know surveillance electronics like my ass. We have hidden
microphones all over the club. If Adrian talked to the monkey, Security would hear him.”
“Non-herbal clues,” said Moose a bit surprised. “Like what they put in shampoos? I like the
Butcher poured and drank another shot of whiskey, attempting to remain calm. He turned to
“If Adrian moves a hand up and down, it could tell the monkey to do something,” said Scorpion.
“But how did he signal the monkey from the main hall into the gaming room?” asked Mojo.
“This guy is either just an innocent bystander or more clever and dangerous than he seems,” said
Scorpion. “I vote to leave him be and keep a sharp eye on him.” The others nodded in agreement to
After the discussions were finished and everyone else went home, Igor stayed around to attend to
some clubhouse business. He bent down to tie his shoe and noticed something on the floor. Picking it
up, he discovered it was a cigar. His eyes fell upon the label and he recognized the quality.
He placed the cigar under his nose and appreciated the smell. His mouth greeted the cigar with
warm anticipation and he reached for his lighter. He flipped the top open, ignited the lighter and lit the
cigar.
A TIME TO HEAL
Doc, Ann, and Adrian were hanging out at Doc’s pad, a two-story condominium, with a full
basement and a beautiful view. Doc’s jeep was parked in the attached garage and Bubbles had full run
of all floors. Tonight, Doc was entertaining company. Adrian and Ann arrived around five, the day
following Adrian’s first biker party. Tonight was a night for business.
Adrian was preparing for a healing session and relaxing himself with some Aikido forms. Doc was
engaged in a solitary chess game in a corner, with Bubbles watching from an easy chair. Ann was
engrossed in a paperback, which caught Doc’s eye before a knight-takes-pawn move. “What book is
“Actually,” said Ann, “it’s a national bestseller, all about a magic notebook. It’s very well written and
an instant hit.”
“Only problem, dear,” said Doc, “Is that those books don’t reflect reality. Hey, kid, he said looking at
Adrian, “what’s taking you? I waited so long thinking that the Knight’s horse needs to piss.”
Doc and Adrian had briefed Ann regarding the party, but she kept wondering about the cigar and
what happened to it. Adrian told her about a call Doc received earlier this morning from Butcher. Doc
seemed to have smoothed things over but kept Adrian in the dark. Adrian had told Ann about the party
and she was thinking about the cigar not getting smoked.
He moved the black knight over toward the white queen, confident he had her cornered –
momentarily forgetting he was playing himself. His fingers picked up a white pawn, fumbled it
between two of his right fingers and looked closely at the game. He really never lost a game playing
solitary chess and really never won a game, either. But his fingers put the pawn down to answer Ann’s
question. “Igor wanted to kill Adrian because he found the cigar and smoked it. That cigar produced
smoke like a volcano in heat and smelled like the Hulk swallowing a box of help-me-shit medicine.”
Bubbles couldn’t contain her laughter and started a monkey’s laugh track that lasted for two minutes.
She danced around the chair, first clockwise then counterclockwise. Doc kept waiting for her to stop
and her monkey eyes noticed him watching. Her mouth smiled faintly and she felt as guilty as a
“You behave yourself or they can make a stew out of you,” said Doc sternly. Bubbles sat like a
Doc returned to the game. Chess taught him to relax and focus on his own wits. He rarely found
any bikers who fancied the game so he usually ended up in solitary tournaments. He seemed to play
chess more often recently – typically to divert his mind from his ever-present illness. He had seen his
share of hokey pseudo-healers and genuine hoodoo voodoo men, but none matching the kid’s potential.
The kid could make a difference, if he ever finished his Aikido crap tonight.
“Can you hurry up?” he said. “ My fingers are callused from playing chess.”
“If the cigar smelled worse then Igor,” exclaimed Ann. “Does Igor still want to kill Adrian?”
“No, my dear,” said Doc. “ I convinced them a troublesome Gladiator was trying to set him up. It
sounds more logical than Tarzan and Cheetam doing a career change as magicians.”
All this was not wasted on Adrian. He wondered what the cigar really consisted of and was happy
not to endure its smoky consequence with Scorpion. For some reason, he couldn’t get flowers out of
his mind. Each time he practiced an Aikido form, a flower appeared in his mind’s eye. When he
practiced another form, the flower stuck in his mind like a mosquito playing Zorro with a victim’s ass.
No matter how he attempted to dislodge this image, it followed him. Finally he was compelled to yell
Bubbles left the table and walked over to Ann’s purse. She started pulling on the purse and Ann
pulled it back. The monkey then grabbed the handle, attempting to open it. Again Ann pulled the purse
Doc and Adrian soon became absorbed in the give and take of purse playing. A couple more pull and
tug sessions occurred before Ann became curious about what Bubbles wanted. So she opened the purse
Bubbles grabbed Ann’s pink lipstick container and opened it. She sniffed it, thinking it might be
candy. Tossing the lipstick aside, she grabbed a vanity mirror and looked at herself for a moment or
two. Her eyes caught her face’s reflection and it brought a smile. A few seconds passed and she set the
mirror down. Her paw grabbed an envelope and she pulled it from the purse. Her eyes lit up and she
“That’s it,” said Adrian, stopping his Aikido forms and coming over for the envelope. A rose sitting
in a glass of water flashed into his mind when he spotted the envelope.
“Wait a minute,” said Ann, looking surprised. “How did Bubbles pick this envelope and why did you
“Gal’s got a point,” said Doc. “Since Bubbles started hanging with you, she acts as wild as a flock of
roosters caught in the Texas chainsaw massacre.”
“I don’t know,” Adrian answered, pulling open the envelope and seeing some rose petals. He turned
Doc went to the kitchen adjacent to the living room where his guests were seated. He grabbed a
clean glass and poured cold tap water into the glass. Returning promptly, he put the glass on the coffee
table next to Ann. Adrian put the rose petals into the water glass. Bubbles sat quietly, observing
everything and Ann put her lipstick and mirror back into her purse.
“What is this for?” asked Doc. “You trying to make that Indian flower drink or make me a flower
child?”
“Hey, Ann,” said Doc. “Where did you get these flower rejects?”
Things were moving a bit too fast for Ann and she was a bit bewildered. First, a woman in the church
had given her the flower petals and said Mary’s statue had materialized them. Then Adrian requested
flowers. Next, Bubbles just happened to grab her purse and pick out the envelope containing those
same flower pedals. Finally, Ann burst out with a loud voice,” I got them from a lady. She said they
“This stuff sounds like something Lovecraft would dream up,” said Doc.
“Let Adrian have some to time to find his day and connect it to the sun,” said Ann.
“Sit in this chair and drink the water containing the petals,” Adrian told him.
Doc drank the water and sat in the chair. Adrian’s right hand started to vibrate and he felt the energy
coursing through Doc’s body. He then felt a different sensation. There was an expanding and
contracting motion. The contracting energy was condensing the virus and the expanding energy was
exploding it up. Adrian felt the rose water Doc had drunk acted like a conduit for the energy flowing
through him. About five minutes passed with Doc sitting quietly and Ann and Bubbles observing
Adrian standing over Doc. Ann couldn’t see any signs, except for Adrian moving his hand and Doc’s
body shaking. Finally, the energy circuit was complete and no energy flowed through Adrian anymore.
“Like I swallowed a vibrator and joined Ben Franklin for his kite trip,” said Doc.
“Now wait a minute!” Ann shouted, standing up and looking straight at Adrian and Doc. “Please
Adrian calmly accepted the situation. Doc was hoping it was true and Ann was looking for a
scientific explanation, but none was forthcoming. Bubbles, unconcerned about the whole affair,
walked over toward the chessboard, seated herself in Doc’s seat and looked at the game pieces,
“If the virus is gone,” said Ann, “then it’s a miracle. You need to run a test to be sure. Too many
“Miracles are mirages to me!” said Doc. “I can take Hoodoo Voodoo healing, but not pop-in-the-
Bubbles dropped the empty glass on the floor, prompting the three to clam up. Before Doc could say
anything, Bubbles picked up a white knight and placed it back on the board again. Doc walked over to
the chess game and stood with his mouth open. Ann wondered why Doc was puzzled.
“Beat me?” asked Doc, looking more puzzled. “This little squirt just checkmated me!”
“Impossible!” said Ann, rushing over to see for herself. “Did you teach her that?”
He didn’t answer her question and looked over at Adrian. Ann, too, glanced over at him, looking for
an explanation. Adrian, lost in his own thoughts, felt he needed a chewy candy. On the coffee table
near him, there was a bowl of caramel and taffy. While everyone was watching him, he pondered this
important decision: Should I eat a piece of taffy or a caramel? Finally, he opted for eating a piece of
“Seriously,” said Adrian, “I don’t know. Maybe the lady… Wait! I need to see the statue. Can you
take me there?”
Ann thought a bit and looked into his eyes. “Tomorrow. Let’s go to the church tomorrow. One more
thing,” said Ann. “Let’s locate Rumi. He knows more then he’s telling.”
“I can locate him,” said Doc. “But if he doesn’t want to talk, then you may as well speak to a parrot
The parrot, Polly Morphine, is the only one who wishes to talk. Butcher is dead – he’s as dead as
The evening started out rather routinely. The Devil Dogs partied at Pirate’s Cove -- a combination
Country and Western bar, pinball arcade, hooker haven, and hangout for the swearing parrot (the
owner’s pet). Scorpion and Butcher were chug-a-lugging beers and discussing business expansion.
The conversation turned to an artistic difference. Butcher wished to continue the truce with the
Barbarians, while Scorpion preferred a modern artistic expression – he suggested painting a portrait
entitled Battered Barbarians and signing it, please don’t steal the daisies on your way out.
Unfortunately, the artistic difference triggered an artist’s quarrel and Butcher, dead from multiple
stab wounds, was in worst shape than Vincent’s ear. Scorpion had grabbed a knife and Butcher,
attempted to keep the knife away, ended up the dead knife holder.
Curly Ouster, the owner, was a Gladiator friend and benefactor. He thought a passerby had seen the
fight and would report it to the local authorities, Sheriff Goober Garrison and his deputy, Hack
Hickman. Goober was on the take, but Hack liked to ask silly questions and could make things sticky.
The sixty-four dollar question was how to give Goober a gift and not heckle Hack. Once they agreed
“We pretend nothing happened,” said Moose, trying to inject a bright idea.
Scorpion was hardly ever careless. Tonight was a rare exception and he needed to fix the situation. A
bribe to Goober to grease the gravy train could cover the legal tracks. Yet Hack, being a hick, could try
to be slick, emulating the TV shows he grew up with – Sherlock Holmes, Charlie Chan and Andy of
Hick town, North Carolina. Scorpion needed something to keep him chasing his tail for months. He
sat silently pondering his options and turned around to Moose. “That idea is so dumb, it’s brilliant,” he
said.
They placed the dead body on the barroom floor and reviewed the game plan. Everyone would be
occupied doing something, like playing pool, while Curly would be busy serving drinks. He would
spill a Bloody Mary and bend over to pick it up. Then he would notice the dead body on the barroom
floor. Curly would proceed to call sheriff Goober, Scorpion would slip him a bribe and Hack would be
given endless, worthless tidbits to research. After the plan was reviewed, Curly proceeded to make his
call.
Goober and Hack pulled up in their squad car. Goober was smoking a cigar and Hack was munching
on a few sausage and cheese snack packs. The squad car, painted black and white fudge sundae color
with a cherry on top, pulled in front of Pirates Cove. Goober and Hack walked in the door. Hack
immediately noticed the dead body, while Goober searched for Curly and his investigation incentive
bonus.
“Holy shit,” said Hack. “The ten four was correct. There’s a real dead body here!”
“I noticed that, too,” said Curly. “I was pouring drinks and spilled a Bloody Mary. When I bent over
“Fight! Fight! Kill the bum!” squawked Polly Morphine, who had free rein to fly around. He was
“Big boxing match on TV,” said Curly. “He watches all the fights.”
Goober was glancing at Scorpion and Curly, while talking to Hack. “Why don’t you interrogate the
Hack proceeded to the far corner where a ball game was playing and he was about to ask
questions. Hack’s distinctive trademark was the bright orange cap he wore. It was a family tradition
that all Hickman’s wore orange hats. The practice started with his uncle, Louis Hickman, who used to
wear the hat at sea. Everyone laughed at Louis, until one day, pirates attacked the ship. Everyone died
except for Louis, who escaped in a rowboat. Louis attributed the good fortune to his lucky orange hat.
Unfortunately, Curly Ouster had trained Polly Morphine to do tricks with an orange light. Every time
the parrot performed a trick correctly, Curly flashed an orange light and rewarded Polly Morphine with
a cracker. Polly Morphine noticed the orange hat, flew across the room and landed on Hack’s shoulder.
Hack, amused, turned and addressed Polly Morphine: “Doctor Livingston, I presume.” The parrot
remained silent and Hack proceeded to ask Moose and Mojo some questions. Since everyone wore
their names on club jackets, Hack would dispense with formalities and cut to the chase. The suspects
Hack took out his notebook and pen, preparing to take some notes. The parrot watched him, hoping
for a free cracker. Hack looked at the scoreboard and noticed the Cubs were losing. His first thought
was to see if these boys were really watching the game or if they had seen the murder and were
constructing an alibi. The assignment unnerved him, since it was his first murder. He opened his
pocket to grab a licorice stick. He bit off a piece and turned to the TV set. Licorice would help calm
his nerves and help him to focus. When he went to take another bite, he noticed the licorice in his hand
“Where did my licorice go?” he asked, momentarily forgetting about Polly Morphine.
“Did you ask Doctor Livingston?” questioned Moose, cracking a faint smile.
“Who is-?” Hack replied, before he looked over at his right shoulder and noticed the parrot crewing
on a chunk of licorice. He saw the partially chewed morsel hanging from a parched parrot palate. He
gave the remaining licorice stick to Polly Morphine and continued his line of questioning. The trick
was to focus upon the game and see how much the boys had been watching.
“Moose likes educational radio shows,” said Mojo. “He met to say the Cubs are playing typical
baseball.”
Hack remembered his partially torn shirt pocket contained a slightly chewed pencil. This morning,
he got his pocket stuck in the pencil sharpener handle and he hadn’t had time to visit the Chinese tailor.
He marked down in bold letters: Cubs done it again. Now he needed to focus upon a trick question,
to catch the potential suspects in a fib. He turned to Moose and blurted out: “Did you see who killed
him?”
“They been dead for ages,” said Moose. “The zombies in Night of the Living Dead have more life in
them.”
“No! No!” said Hack, waving his pencil back and forth like a conductor’s baton. “I mean the stabbed
man.”
“Cut him good! Cut him good!” squawked Polly Morphine, bobbing his head in rhythm to Hack’s
pencil movements.
“All right that did it!” shouted Hack. “How come the parrot says cut him good?”
“When customers want ham sandwiches with beer,” said Mojo, aware of his own quick wit, “the
Hack was deep in thought and the parrot pretended to be deeply thinking, too. Hack paced back and
forth while the bikers eyed him. Now Hack knew he had a clue and wanted to trap Mojo. He turned
and blurted out: “ Him, not them. He said to cut him good.”
“Well, you see,” said Mojo. “Curly probably said to cut ham good and there was probably some
church program on TV. The parrot, listening to both Curly and the TV, really is saying cut hymn
good.”
“That’s right,” said Moose. “It’s easy to confuse hymn with him with ham.”
“Something funny is going on here and I plan to find out what,” said Hack. “You boys stay put
Hack walked towards the two other suspects, and the parrot, spotting a pretty girl outside, let go with
a wolf whistle. While Hack proceeded to the pool table, Polly Morphine was bobbing his head,
attempting to imitate the Duncan yoyo commercial on TV. The pool area had two pool tables and Hook
and Vulture were sitting around one of them, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.
“It’s a shame. I didn’t see a thing. Such a shame,” said Vulture. “Isn’t it, Hook? I wish I could catch
brew.
“And what – pray tell – were you boys doing when the man was killed?” asked Hack.
Hack looked for facial twitches, like the movie heroes do. Hack wanted to make the big time
someday and end up solving cases like the Maltese Falcon and stringing the fat man up by his toes
while all the beautiful gals, both good and bad, attempt to seduce him. He thought that this murder
case was his big break and if he solved it, girls would swoon over his amazing abilities.
Unfortunately, Hack seemed to inherit the only talking witness. Polly Morphine was like a
recording machine, parroting back phases heard but not knowing their significance. The parrot was
taking a liking to Hack, his orange hat and the way he moved – like a waddling duck does when an
artistic hunter signs his name in the duck’s ass with buckshot. Every time Hack took a waddling step,
the parrot, perched upon his puny shoulders, moved his body in a similar direction. Polly Morphine
“All right, gentlemen,” said Hack, staring the men down with his Charlie Chan eyes. “Why did the
“Why, it’s simple really,” said Hook, looking at Vulture. “I think he is saying… You explain what
“Well, you see,” said Vulture. “Once we were watching professional wrestling, and The Purple
Bandit was battling the Killer Ape. The Killer Ape hit the Purple Bandit with a two by four-”
“That’s it,” interrupted Hook. “The audience was yelling slab him again.”
“Since when the fuck does a wrestling dude mimic speak English?” asked Vulture.
“Point taken,” said Hack. He was making some notes to visit Webster and find hidden word
meanings. He took out his pencil, marking the phrases Polly Morphine was saying. The interpretations
were marked in pencil. Now he needed to find the correct way to find pattern.
Hack needed to view the dead body from a distance, before the coroner came to beautify the
remains. He stood a few feet from the corpse, looked at the stab wounds and made a brief notation:
rigorous morph is, since he couldn’t spell the Latin term. Curly was still chatting away with Goober.
Scorpion, hoping to keep Hack chasing his own tail, walked over to him.
“It’s a real shame,” said Scorpion, pretending to be sad. “I hope you catch the bum who did this.”
“He’s never been like this,” said Scorpion. “He’s usually a very lively person. I see you have an
assistant.” Scorpion was drinking a beer, which he carried in his left hand.
“The bird’s driving me batty,” said Hack. “I assume it’s a male. Does he have a name?”
“He’s Polly Morphine,” said Scorpion. “He comes from a line of champions.”
Polly Morphine needed some exercise and flew off clockwise around the bar. He missed the
Canadian moose and then landed on the pool table. Again spotting the orange hat, he took off again
and landed directly upon Hack’s shoulder. Then the parrot then flew down and landed on the dead
body. Hack reached over and extended his right hand. Polly Morphine jumped on his arm and walked
up slowly, finally reaching the shoulder and squawking, “He did it.”
“Who did what?” asked Hack, thinking the parrot probably sat beside the bar, sniffed the drinks too
often.
“Curly got hitched,” said Scorpion. “All the boys teased him about it.”
“How come everyone but me knows what this parrot is blabbering about?” asked Hack.
Hack ignored his reply and finished examining the corpse. He made some notes about multiple stab
wounds and took some pictures with a small camera. He made notes of the key people he talked with:
Moose, Hook, Mojo, Vulture and Scorpion. His work was wrapping up and they needed to have the
coroner come. There was just enough time to grab some beef jerky before leaving. Unfortunately,
Polly Morphine started squawking again: “Hide the knife. Hide the knife.”
“Ok! That does it!” shouted Hack. “Why did he say hide the knife?”
Scorpion sat silently for a minute, pretending to reflect upon the question. He didn’t count on the
smart parrot and his blabbing to the only honest policeman in miles. His mind came upon a flash of
inspiration and he took the opportunity to share his ideas. “Well, you see, Doc was here playing some
tunes one day. There was a request to play Mac the knife. There was a horror movie on – Doctor
Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The patron, having had too much to drink, asked Doc to play Hyde the Knife.”
Hack returned to writing notes and made an entry: This explanation reminds me of a sleazy car
salesman’s sales pitch. “A little old lady only drove the prized car to church on Sunday.” What the
customer never discovered was that the car was later taken to the drag strip on Sunday afternoons. He
Curly grabbed a cracker from a box and placed it on his shoulder. Polly Morphine vacillated
between love for the orange hat and the delectable taste of a crispy cracker – for a millisecond or two –
before opting for the cracker. He flew over to Curly’s shoulder. He munched upon the cracker and
“You made a new friend today,” said Goober, looking over at Hack.
Hack performed some more mundane maneuvers, like dusting for fingerprints, and trying to get the
parrot to talk. Polly Morphine, bribed with a box of crackers, ignored the need to see justice served and
preferred stomach palliation from a cracker bribe. Hack finished his investigation and was ready to
vamoose.
“Who’s going to run the club now?” asked Hack, before exiting with Goober.
“In honor of Butcher’s good memory and character,” said Scorpion, “I have volunteered to assume
that role.”
The next day there was a downpour. The sky was dark. The rain hitting the church like cracker balls
thrown by vandals celebrating the Fourth. Father O’Connor turned on the lights inside St. Michael’s.
He was making the parish rounds and Dorothy Hessling was mopping the floor when she noticed a
faint light coming from Mary’s statue. The light flickered, and she wondered if lightning was the
reason. Every Wednesday, she had continued to find the rose petals in Mary’s hand. As Dorothy
looked at Mary for a moment, there was a loud knock on the door. She forgot the light and saw who
wanted refuge.
Dorothy turned from the statue and looked at the wooden door. The door was not locked, but maybe
the visitor didn’t know it. She wondered about the reply with a kill-the-cat curiosity. She opened the
door and saw an old man wearing a wet raincoat. It was Rumi, the person Ann once talked with outside
the church.
“Come in,” she said. “It’s cold outside. I have a teakettle on the stove. Care for a spot to warm the
innards?”
“A very wise man once said, ‘One could do anything after a good cup of tea’,” Rumi replied.
Dorothy offered him a seat and went into the next room to turn off the kettle. The water finished
boiling and she steeped the tea to perfection. She grabbed a tray and placed on it the teakettle, two
cups, spoons, milk and cookies with sugar on top. Walking into the sanctuary, she sat the tray on a
Dorothy shook his hand. “Sugar or cream?” she asked. “I don’t have any lemon.”
“But I believe you do,” said Rumi. “Did you remove the cloth?”
Dorothy usually put a serving cloth over the sugar she brought with the tea. It was an old
superstition not to show anything sweet until the guests arrive. It probably came from her Irish
grandmother’s side and had been passed down through the centuries. She didn’t want to risk offending
any of the Celtic ancestry and followed the customs from the old country. She removed the serving
cloth and her eyes almost popped from her skull. Sitting beside the sugar was a lemon, all nicely cut
“Perhaps God thought visitors would come,” said Rumi. “Maybe the angels are looking out for you
today.”
“Or maybe I did cut up a lemon,” she said, “and I am getting forgetful in my old age.”
Rumi took a couple of lemon slices and a teaspoonful of sugar, while Dorothy poured some cream
into her teacup. She then served the tea, first into Rumi’s cup and then her own, before uncovering a
plate of sugar cookies, and they both helped them. The storm continued to pound the church, and again
“Must be the lightning,” said Dorothy. “I can’t imagine what else would cause Mary’s statue to light
up.”
“So, Rumi,” said Dorothy, putting aside her cookie and setting her tea down. But before she could
finish the sentence, she noticed a beautiful Burning bush around his neck, with an embedded rose
“Of course.”
She had never seen the design before, but she remembered reading about it in a history book about
Martin Luther. He used to wear a cross like this during his life. She then tried to recall what the design
meant.
Dorothy could tell from Rumi’s accent that he was a foreigner with a thorough grounding in the
English language. Yet she didn’t want to pursue the subject any further, fearing she would say
something to offend his culture. Reasoning that the Burning bush had some cultural significance, she
decided she would ask the priest about it later. Instead, she decided to inquire about the tea. “How do
“Delightfully brewed for a black tea,” he said. “But tea can be set for different moods. When I am in
a contemplative mood, I like green tea with lemon. When I wish to enjoy a good book, a fine Earl
Grey is quite exquisite. If it is a hot day, black tea with a dash of mint leaf is preferred. Of course,
Oolong tea is the only thing with Chinese food. Did you know Japan has a complete tea ritual?”
“You certainly know your teas,” said Dorothy. She noticed he had finished his and her own cup was
almost empty.
For the next few minutes Rumi and Dorothy continued to discuss tea. Rumi knew more about it than
Forrest Gump’s pal knew about shrimp, Dorothy thought. In fact, she imagined if Rumi and Grump’s
pal were to get together, they could come up with delightful topics of conversation. Garlic shrimp is
best served with black tea and lemon, as the garlic and lemon counter each other. Gumbo shrimp is a
favorite with raspberry tea, curried shrimp with Chai tea and shrimp tempura would best be served with
green tea. Dorothy kept looking at her watch, hoping either Forrest Gump’s friend or the priest would
arrive. She noticed they had both finished their third cup of tea, and she would need to brew some
more.
“I need to make some more tea,” she said, attempting to get up.
“Actually, I think there is plenty more tea left,” he said. Dorothy removed the lid to prove otherwise
“It can’t be,” she said. “The teapot is hardly empty! I’m sure six cups would make it emptier than
this.”
“Maybe you are right,” she replied. “Perhaps I am just forgetful today.”
Dorothy knew she was older and that could cause her to be forgetful. However, before this she never
exhibited any signs of forgetfulness or absent-minded moments. In fact, her friends considered her to
have a sharp wit and keen mind. That teapot had been used hundreds of times to serve everyone from
the priest to a passing homeless migrant. Dorothy was also responsible for purchasing the tea, coffee,
cream and sugar. This week, she was in such a hurry, that she remembered forgetting the lemons. Yet
the lemons were present and the teapot held more tea today then the earth did during Noah’s flood. She
would need to ponder these little mysteries, but in the meantime, the rain had stopped. Now she
“Rumi,” she said. “What really brings you to the church on a night like this?”
“I have this envelope I need to give to a lady and gentleman,” he said, pulling out an envelope and
handing it to Dorothy. “Could you please see that they get it?”
“I don’t expect to see anyone come out in this weather,” she said. “And if anyone does come, how
“Her name is Ann,” Rumi said. “She comes here on occasion. I expect her and Adrian in the next
few minutes.”
“Goodness,” said Dorothy. “I believe that’s the name of the woman I gave the flowers to.”
Dorothy looked at the envelope for a brief moment. When she looked up, she saw the door closing
behind Rumi’s retreating back. Rather than fighting the storm monster to fetch him, she took the tea
back to the kitchen and cleaned up the mess. About five or ten minutes passed, and she heard the door
open again. To avoid making another trip, Dorothy carried the envelope with her when she went to
investigate. She went out to discover a woman (whom she recognized as Ann), and a man she didn’t
recognize, coming in. Dorothy looked at Ann quizzically. “What brings you out on a day like today?”
“Actually,” said Ann. “My friend Adrian wanted to come. Dorothy - Adrian. Adrian - Dorothy.”
Ann and Adrian looked at each other briefly and both yelled at the same time, “Rumi!” Adrian
“Your Burning bush looks exactly like one he wore,” she said.
Adrian opened the envelope and pulled out a couple of photographs and another envelope. He
ignored the smaller envelope as he held up the two pictures. Ann and Dorothy looked at the first one.
It was of a dark but luminous Coyote head hovering over a bottle of Wild Turkey on a bar shelf holding
varied liquors.
He then looked at the second photo, which was a bright picture of Mary in a luminous form, hovering
over the church statue. As Dorothy looked at the photo, her face was puzzled.
Ann remembered Rumi taking the camera and promising to develop some photos. She remembered
the camera was supposed to be a spirit camera belonging to Rumi that was thought to have the capacity
to photograph the spirit world. The camera first went off when they were in the biker bar while Adrian
was dealing with the Barbarians. The second time the camera went off was in the church, when she
first visited Dorothy. After all that was happening, she still wasn’t sure if Rumi doctored the photos or
The strangeness of the photos reminded Dorothy of the lemons. “This is really a strange day,”
Dorothy said. “First I serve Rumi tea without lemons. I thought there were no lemons, but then there
were. Then we drank several cups of tea and the pot was still pretty full.”
Adrian’s mind drifted back to his first encounter with Rumi. He remembered him trying to sell some
fake watches and offering him water and food. The water jug seemed to keep replenishing itself. At
first, he thought it might have been due to his insanity – yet Rumi had said he was perfectly sane. Then
he just took it for granted that the water would replenish itself. Now Adrian remembered what he came
for – to see the statue. “Can one of you fine young ladies show me the statue?”
“If he continues to talk like that, I’ll show him the Eiffel Tower,” said Dorothy. She led the way
towards the statue, with Adrian and Ann following behind her. She was sure that the light continued to
flicker from the statue. As Adrian continued toward it, the light brightened. Ann thought it was the
lighting also, but couldn’t pinpoint the light source. Adrian stood still and receptive, like a zombie at
initiation. The ladies watched as he continued to remain still. A minute or two passed before he started
He continued to ponder the statue and the light. The light drew back memories of his hospital stay.
Then he knew the light was similar to what he had experienced in his dreams while he was confined
there. Then blackness started to take form in his mind. The blackness reminded him of death before
the light appeared again and started dissolving the darkness. Then it came to him. He had died! For a
few minutes, he had been clinically dead. The doctors and nurses had given up on him. But a light
came and revived him. In the light, he saw a lady resembling the statue’s form. The lady and light
faded, and then a dark but luminous Coyote form appeared and disappeared. Now he understood. The
lady was the healer and the Coyote was the protector and source of wisdom. “I’m beginning to
Adrian remembered the envelope. Perhaps it was a piece of the puzzle from another puzzle – Rumi.
Perhaps if he opened it, a clue would spring out. Slowly, he tore open the envelope while the ladies
waited. His eyes found a small note, with a sentence or two describing still another puzzle: When you
receive this note, you will start to know yourself. When we meet in person, it will be time to ring the
school bell. Adrian showed the note to the ladies and said, “I’m as puzzled as ever.”
“I think the words bell and school means he wants to teach you,” said Ann.
“Does anyone have a cookie?” asked Adrian, suddenly overwhelmed with a taste for one.
“I have some and will make some tea in the kitchen,” said Dorothy, exiting the main church worship
area.
While Dorothy went out, Adrian told Ann about his statue experience in the church. Ann listened
patiently, like the trained therapist she was. She promised to check the hospital records to see if Adrian
had died during his hospital stay. She thought the staff mentioned something similar happening but
dismissed it at the time because her caseload was overwhelming and her personal feelings for Adrian
had not developed. Dorothy returned with the tea and cookies and Adrian took a bite.
“You keep talking like that and I’ll buy you a cookie factory,” Dorothy said.
The Gladiator’s clubhouse was having an important meeting of Scorpion, Mojo and Moose.
Scorpion wished to send a message that the truce was off, and business was now a Gladiator
commodity. His first priority was to outline a plan and select a suitable first target and example to get
the Barbarians to back down. Mojo was recruited for his expertise in electronic and explosives and
Moose for his muscle. Scorpion had gathered some intelligence information and shared his findings.
“It’s either Tiny, their leader, or Doc, their shooter,” replied Mojo.
Scorpion held up a diagram of a jeep and pointed to a section where the explosives would be rigged.
Mojo looked over the diagram and made some minor revisions. Scorpion found out Doc had a doctor’s
appointment that gave his men time to plant the bomb, which would be triggered by the ignition key.
Mojo and Moose would observe everything via binoculars from a hidden warehouse, since the doctor’s
office was on top a hill and the warehouse was on the bottom, providing cover from the explosion.
“I hear Adrian will be joining him,” said Scorpion. “It would be a shame if he were in the jeep also.”
Moose looked like he had a brainstorm. He thought about the party and how a certain monkey made
a fool of him. When Butcher, the former leader, wanted a sexy tune CD, the monkey substituted Polka
tunes. Now Moose would have a chance for vengeance and repay the monkey for making a monkey of
him.
“Butcher never let me ace the monkey,” said Moose. “This will be fun. Instead of the Beer Barrel
“Who every heard of a Polka loving monkey?” asked Moose. “As the old saying goes, monkey blow,
monkey go.”
“ Get the fuck too it,” said Scorpion, “and don’t return until you can report an explosion.”
The plan was simple. Rather then driving their motorcycles, Mojo would drive a tow truck and
pretend to fix a flat tire. He knew the jeep would be in the parking lot and Doc would not be able to
spot them from his doctor’s office. The receptionist was the sister of a Gladiator girlfriend, and she
The next morning, Mojo and Moose got into the tow truck Mojo drove. The doctor’s appointment
was for one o’clock, and it was now noon. Moose knew his priorities and wasn’t afraid to express
“How come you want a damn Bluntly burger?” Mojo asked, feeling a bit frustrated. He wanted to
arrive early and scout out things. Now his plans were cut short by a stupid burger.
“I can’t help it, said Moose, “ I love Bluntly’s sauce. It grew on me as a kid.”
“It tastes like horseshit,” said Mojo, lighting a cigarette and glancing at Moose.
“Hell no,” Moose responded. “They also have wonderful cheese fries. I love a lot of gooey cheese
sauce.”
Moose started flipping the radio stations, and Mojo knew what that meant. Moose always listened
to the oldies station with a Bluntly Burger. It all started when he was a small child and his dad took
him to get his first Burger. The taste had caused a lifelong craving, and the music reminded him of the
“The sauce tastes like melted plastic,” said Mojo, taking a puff of his cigarette and waiting for the
Burger’s. Would you like to hear the Bluntly Burger theme song?” The server was a seventeen-year-
“Hell no,” said Mojo, aware Moose would override his voice.
With that shout, the order taker pressed the CD button to play the jingle, while Moose hummed to the
“May I take your order now,” the order taker finally said.
“Three Bluntly Cheeseburgers, a large order of cheese fries and a large, chocolate shake,” said
Moose.
“A large black coffee and a piece of ass,” said Mojo, frustrated at the stupid burger order but taking
advantage of a large, hot coffee. “Make sure they are both hot.”
“I’m sorry sir,” the speaker replied, “We can serve the first item, but I been searching for the other
“Seven eighty-seven,” the voice replied. “Pull up to the next window.” Mojo paid the
bill while Moose started gulping down his feast. Mojo drove the abandoned warehouse and proceeded
to observe the cars arriving at the medical building through field binoculars. About twenty minutes and
“We have Moe, Larry and Curly, all arriving together,” said Mojo. “And Curly remains to guard the
car.”
Moose looked through the other field binocular set and a broad smile cracked across his face. The
monkey was left inside the jeep and Moose would now be able to watch his victim’s last moments.
About ten minutes passed and they drove the tow truck beside the jeep. If anyone should inquire,
they were towing a stalled car. If Doc or Adrian should leave the building, the receptionist would page
them. Mojo slid under the vehicle to plant the bomb, while first he disabled the alarm system. Moose
stuck his hand through the partially rolled down window, trying to taunt the monkey. Bubbles
recognized him and proceeded to bite his hand. Moose went to grab the monkey and she climbed into
“Quit fucking up my bomb artistry,” said Mojo under the jeep. “Shit! What the fuck did I do?”
“Not you,” said Moose, examining the monkey bite. “I am talking to the other monkey.”
Moose gave Bubbles an angry look and waved his fist, but Bubbles just ignored him. She then turned
her rear towards Moose, pointing her ass in the direction of his face. This caused Moose to pound on
“Stop pounding the fucking car,” said Mojo, from underneath the jeep. “You want to blow us both
up?”
Moose looked at the monkey and waited for her laughter to subside. He watched her quiet down and
gave her the finger. Bubbles sat silently, pretending not to follow the monkey see, monkey do school of
behavior. Moose then stuck out his tongue, which prompted Bubbles to return the same gesture, so he
have a good reason to kill Bubbles – not wanting to make Mojo angry. He then responded with some
“Will you fucking behave yourself,” said Mojo, “before we become Yosemite Sam doubles? What
the fuck is the matter? You’re behaving worse than the monkey.”
“Shit, man,” said Moose. “This asshole stuck her tongue out at me.”
“Did you stick yours out first?” asked Mojo, his voice showing an angry tint.
“Well, I-“ he said, looking at Bubbles. “You started this, you stupid monkey. First you bite me, then
“You trying to get her angry or seduce her?” asked Mojo, injecting some humor to defuse the
situation. The bomb was now finished and he had just a moment or two ago finished connecting the
wires. Mojo got a kick from hearing his victim’s final cries so he planted a bug to pick up all screams.
The bomb rigging and bug planting took a full ten minutes and soon it was time to depart. Mojo and
Moose got into the tow truck and proceeded down hill toward the abandoned warehouse. Bubbles
“Wait till they start the car, you little brat,” said Moose, giving the monkey the finger as he departed.
“We will be able to hear every blood curdling scream, courtesy of my magic Mojo bug,” said Mojo.
They returned to the warehouse and used the field binoculars to observe the jeep. Mojo hooked up
the necessary equipment and soon they could hear the monkey making her typical monkey noises, the
kind Mojo remembered from the zoo, when he was a kid. Occasionally, a passerby would remark
something like “what a cute monkey” or “such a doll”, to which Moose would reply to himself (since
the bug only transmitted conversations to them), “you shitty stinker” or “such a devil”. He was busy
with binocular watch, until he spotted the victims. He became ecstatic the minute Doc and Adrian
“Here come the victims, and there goes the monkey,” said Moose.
Mojo picked up the second pair of field binoculars and observed Doc coming towards the passenger
“It’s your jeep, you drive,” said Adrian, throwing the keys towards Doc.
“I don’t care if the monkey drives,” said Moose, eager for the big bang.
“Give it a spin,” said Doc, throwing the keys back to Adrian. Adrian opened the jeep door, sat in the
driver’s seat and Bubbles opened Doc’s door. As Doc sat in the passenger side, Bubbles became
Both Moose and Mojo waited for the big explosion, but heard instead the following voice singing.
“What’s happening?” asked Doc. “The car isn’t starting and that’s the worst radio program I heard in
years.”
“I think I know, but I don’t know why,” said Adrian, seeing a picture of Coyote in his mind’s eye.
“The hell with this,” said Doc, “let me hotwire the car.”
Mojo and Moose watched Doc leaning down toward the starter.
Mojo sipped some coffee and looked though his field binoculars, listening for the big explosion.
Instead, they both looked at each other, as the bug transmitted a song.
“What the fuck is happening?” Mojo and Doc both asked simultaneously.
“That’s the worst song on the radio,” said Doc. “I need to stop listening to the oldies but goodies
station.”
“Hey Moose,” said Mojo. “Get the portable radio, turn the volume on low and see if you can tune in
Moose started fumbling with the portable radio and listened for a few moments. He picked up the
latest punk music about cutting off a chicken head. Then he flipped over to a heavy metal band playing
a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s My Kind of Town. The dial kept flipping to a Spanish station selling
rubber ducky bubble soap, a shock radio DJ talking about a lesbian porno star becoming a soap opera
star, and a country and western song about a cowboy entering the rodeo, picking up a waitress and
drowning his sorrows in whiskey – all in one day. Moose kept flipping the channel and found a fire
and brimstone preacher talking about the evil of society and offering instant salvation for a one hundred
dollar donation. No matter where he turned, there was no yodel channel. The listening device
interrupted him.
“Crank the car up again, kid,” said Doc. The next radio voice Mojo and Moose heard blatted away in
butchered French.
Al a wet tare,
“I got it,” said Adrian. “How dry I am and al a wet tare means the car wants a drink.”
“Let’s check the radiator,” said Doc. “Down girl! You’re behaving worse than a rock and roll
Moose and Mojo watched Adrian and Doc exit the jeep. Doc opened the hood and flipped open the
stand to brace it. They bikers watched the monkey jumping up and down, looking to be ecstatic.
Mojo and Moose watched as the two men walked away, apparently to a pay phone. The monkey was
inside, still jumping up and down. Mojo knew he would be discovered, should a mechanic check the
car. He was about to exit, when he noticed the car started to move. The monkey was inside by the
driver’s seat, the radio blasted out another tune – apparently heard by Doc and Adrian, who started
“No, you birdbrain,” replied Mojo. “I mean the jeep rolling by itself and the radio playing the
Moose sat silently, watching the jeep move under its own control. Doc and Adrian were walking
briskly behind it, as it veered from the parking lot. The monkey still sat beside the steering wheel. But
the listening device picked up two monkeys making noise – unbeknown to Moose and Mojo, Coyote
was conversing to Bubbles in her language. This would be confusing enough to the bikers, except the
next event floored them. They watched, in surprise, as the jeep exited the parking lot and rolled down
the hill.
“Fuck!” said Mojo. “I swear I hear two monkeys making noise and now the freaking jeep is heading
Moose and Mojo watched the jeep coming towards them down the hill, with Adrian and Doc bringing
up the rear. They watched as Bubbles climbed on top of the jeep, while another monkey kept making
noise inside (Coyote playing a Cheetam double). When the jeep was halfway down the hill, Bubbles
grabbed a passing tree branch and jumped on it. Adrian and Doc stopped to coax Bubbles down, while
The next few seconds were very confusing. Mojo and Moose ran and hide behind the concrete
blocks. Adrian and Doc succeeded in coaxing Bubbles down, so Doc could grab her. The jeep crashed
through the abandoned warehouse and came to a complete stop. The bikers listened behind concrete
“I wonder how you start this thing? Ah---,” said Coyote. “ KA BOOM.”
The explosion startled Doc and Adrian, who were safely out of the blast radius. Doc’s jeep was in
more pieces than Carter’s liver pills caught in a monsoon. The bikers were buried in rubble but still
breathing. Doc handed Bubbles over to Adrian and pulled out his .38 revolver. They approached the
“Get us out of here!” shouted a voice under the rubble. Adrian moved over toward the voice and,
setting Bubbles down, started throwing chunks of rubble aside. He cleared enough chunks for the
“Moose and Mojo,” said Doc. “You boys couldn’t dream up this plan by yourselves. Who put you up
to this?”
“The boss asked us and we’re just doing what we’re told,” said Moose.
“Good,” said Doc. “Let’s go for a ride in your car. You drive. Soon the police and fire department
will come.”
“Is this a ride, like in Taxi or a ride, like in James Cagney?” asked Adrian.
“It’s a ride like in Bugs Bunny playing James Cagney,” replied Doc.
“However you put it, we are being taken for a ride,” said Mojo.
The boys parked the tow truck a couple of blocks away, before walking to the warehouse – now they
were walking towards it. Mojo and Moose walked in front, with Doc, Adrian and Bubbles bringing up
the rear. Doc had his thirty-eight pointed at Moose and Mojo, but kept it hidden inside his coat.
Bubbles cracked a mischievous smile, unseen by the bad guys: You will get yours, buddy. Adrian was
relaxed the entire trip, with his left hand on Bubbles and his right hand on a candy sucker he pulled
from his pocket. He now faced an even graver dilemma – how to remove the sucker wrapper while
holding Bubbles. His brain flashed with a quick inspiration and he tossed the sucker and shouted at
Moose caught the sucker and turned his head around. “What the fuck should I do with this?” He
noticed that Bubbles stuck his tongue out at him.
Moose removed the wrapper and tossed the sucker back to Adrian. Adrian, the trained Aikido expert
that he was, quickly grabbed it with one hand. His mind was centered on the rich cherry flavor, and the
creamy caramel inside. His mind was drifting off to other suckers he had tasted before when his eyes
“The kid is,” said Doc. “We’ll ride in back and Bubbles and Adrian will drive.”
“As long as the monkey doesn’t drive and that Coyote fellow doesn’t sing,” retorted Moose –
“So,” said Doc. “You were eavesdropping? You know what I do with snoops?”
“You’re already taking us for a ride,” replied Mojo. “At least tell us who Coyote is.”
“He’s the big fish and Adrian is his main man,” said Doc, overriding Adrian’s answer. Adrian
thought Doc was answering the question for him, but the bad guys though Coyote was a big kingpin
and Adrian was his enforcer. Doc and the bad guys piled into the back and Doc waited for Adrian to
“I don’t want to get involved in violence. It’s a bad influence on Bubbles and I could never eat
“You win kid,” said Doc. “We will just teach them a lesson. You gentlemen are lucky. The kid has a
soft spot for animals and doesn’t mix violence and candy. To the old quarry then.”
“No rough stuff, please,” said Adrian. “I like to try a Toot De Fruity lollipop next.” He grabbed
open a sucker from the glove compartment and sucked on it, throwing away the first stem.
“You gentlemen are lucky today, indeed. He’s in a good mood when he eats a Toot de Fruity
lollipop.”
Doc sat in back with the two hoods, his gun pointing at them. Adrian drove with Bubbles sitting in
the passenger seat. His mind flashed back to a cartoon where Bugs Bunny is being taken for a ride by a
couple of hoods. The crook’s name was Rocky and Bugs couldn’t stop talking – except that Adrian
was the quiet type. Adrian remembered many gangster films talking about going for a ride, but he
never imagined he would be the driver. To relieve any anxiety, he focused upon this toot de fruity
lollipop. When he got to the quarry and stopped the car, Doc had the villains get out and walk to the
quarry.
“I give you a choice”, said Doc. “I toss a gun to Mojo and we have a duel or Moose fights the kid –
no weapons.”
“I get to fight the monkey?” asked Moose, hoping to extract some revenge.
“No, you idiot,” replied Mojo. “He means Adrian. It’s the only way. Doc would ace me for sure.”
“Now wait just a cotton picking minute,” said Adrian. “Don’t I get a say in this? I need to hold
“You heard the man,” said Doc. “He must finish his lollipop first. Set Bubbles down, kid.”
Adrian sat Bubbles down and she proceeded to run over towards Doc. Moose thought Doc was
getting soft, but Mojo expected a trick. Adrian wouldn’t do anything until he finished his lollipop. The
next five or ten minutes found Doc calm waiting, and Bubbles was content to make faces at Moose.
Adrian finally finished his lollipop and put the stem in his pocket, not wanting to pollute the
pound mass of muscle charging towards him, like a raging bull. Moose looked like a professional
wrestler, with muscles to match. His right arm came swinging at Adrian’s head, with a force capable of
stunning a charging bull. Instead of connecting with Adrian’s head, he found his arm in a wristlock and
his body went flying towards the ground, with Adrian sidestepping his charge. A few seconds passed,
“I’m going to kill him,” said Moose, slowly getting up. Moose came charging full force, like a pro
tackler with the winning block. Adrian moved in a circular Aikido fashion, deflecting Moose’s charge
and escorting him into a passing tree. Unfortunately for Moose, the tree liked where it was and didn’t
want to move. Moose lay on the ground, stunned but still conscious.
“Which way did that truck go?” asked Moose, dazed but slowly getting his feet. “I had enough.”
“I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I didn’t see the incoming tree,” said Adrian, attempting to explain his
Bubbles took time to make more faces and Doc was slightly smiling. Suddenly, Doc busted out in fits
of laughter, with Bubbles quickly emulating her master’s laughter. Adrian couldn’t figure out what was
“You got to admit,” said Doc, “the kid has a sense of humor.”
“Did I say something funny?” asked Adrian, still missing the point of everything.
“I will leave you boys here with a message. Tell Scorpion I expect payment for this jeep, twenty
The bikers thought Coyote was some big shot criminal and Doc knew Scorpion wouldn’t take
chances until he found out more about Coyote. Adrian thought he was talking about the Coyote spirit
and never made the connection everyone else made. Doc left the bikers in the quarry and the three of
them drove away. Later, he would abandon the Tow truck and rent a vehicle – as a Tow truck wasn’t
his idea for a hot date. Adrian didn’t realize it, but Doc was casting him in a new light.
Scorpion was in the Gladiator clubhouse, waiting for Moose and Mojo to return. He drank a beer
and browsed through a girlie magazine, paying particular attention to the artistic layouts. It was five
pm and he expected the tow truck to arrive shortly. Instead, he was caught off guard when Moose and
Mojo arrived at 7 pm, after they hitched a ride with a passing trucker. Both looked like they came from
the Titanic.
“Try me,” said Scorpion, putting the girlie magazine aside and looking at the two disheveled bums
standing before him. “Did Doc throw the bomb back at you?”
“The monkey drove the bomb to us,” said Moose, looking like Bugs Bunny’s enemy after falling into
“The monkey?” screamed Scorpion, moving back and forth, showing his disgust.
“It’s not quite that simple,” said Mojo. “There is a new player in town. A dude named Coyote. He’s
as clever as Eddy Haskell. And to top it off, Adrian is his main man. He’s another Bruce Lee.”
“Bruce Lee? Coyote? Shit! I need another drink,” said Scorpion. “You boys look like the Laurel
and Hardy stunt doubles. Go take a shower. Change into some clean duds, and fill me in over a drink.”
Moose and Mojo did as they were told. Meanwhile, Scorpion grabbed a shot of whiskey and
pondered Adrian’s actions at the party. His mind flashed back to the party. There were many
unexplained tricks attributed to Bubbles, and Scorpion believed Adrian had set the tricks up. Scorpion
had examined all the security surveillance tapes and nothing revealed how the tricks were performed.
He thought Adrian may be more dangerous than imagined and this latest bomb episode might confirm
it. While Scorpion pondered the current dilemma, Moose and Mojo entered the room.
“You gents look like you’re going to a social dance,” Scorpion joked. “Now enlighten me. Who is
“Well, you see,” said Moose, “we wanted to blow up the all three – Doc, Adrian and the monkey. But
the monkey started driving the jeep after we’d planted the bomb in it, aimed it at the warehouse,
jumped out of the vehicle and climbed a tree, leaving us with the bomb.”
“Let me get this straight, “ replied Scorpion, lighting up a smoke and staring at Moose. “A monkey
hijacks a jeep, drives it back to where you both are hiding and triggers the bomb? Do you know how
“You buy that crock of shit?” asked Scorpion, looking over at Mojo.
“Here’s the scoop,” said Mojo. “We planted the bomb and hid. Doc and Adrian tried to start the jeep
and nothing happened, except a few weird tunes from the Mickey Mouse station. The jeep started
moving, powered by remote control, and it drove itself to our hideout. The jeep explodes, Doc captures
us, takes us for a ride, has Moose wrestle Adrian – the Bruce Lee reject – then leaves us stranded.”
Scorpion paced back and forth, caught up in thoughts about the incident. He turned around and
looked at Moose.
“I don’t know,” replied Moose, “but it sounded like this. Oh, de lady oh la lady. Oh, de lady oh la
lady. Oh, la lady a de. Oh, la lady a de.” Moose attempted to imitate the yodel tune he heard.
“Fuck,” retorted Scorpion. “You sound like a goose chocking on a hot dog.”
“What he’s trying to say,” retorted Mojo, “is that this Coyote character rigged up the starter to some
weird radio station. Every time they tried to start the car, the radio blasted out a goofy tune and the
Scorpion paused a moment to reflect upon Coyote’s cleverness. He figured by the time Mojo
planted the bomb until Mojo and Moose reached the warehouse would take five or ten minutes. That
meant Coyote was an expert at electronics and was watching both of them. From the conversation
Scorpion had, he reasoned Coyote had rigged up a remote control steering device beforehand. This
thought triggered a light bulb with a stray thought attached – Coyote knew their plans ahead of time.
“I’ll send the men out to dig up some info – learn about this Coyote dude,” Scorpion said. “Now
“It all happened so fast,” said Moose. “I charged the little squirt. One moment, there was no tree
there. Next thing, I see this fucking tree there. Suddenly, my head is kissing the tree.”
Mojo walked over by Moose and proceeded to demonstrate. “Pretend Moose is charging me. I grab
his arm and do some hokey pokey, Bruce Lee grip. Suddenly I am not here but over there, Moose is
Scorpion again reflected on his martial arts moves. While Scorpion is an expert in karate, he has
witnessed other martial arts styles. His mind races though, until he recalls the circular dance of one
style. Both styles had their roots in Japan, but there were vast differences. The word blurts out before
“A key doe?” asks Moose. “It sounds like that old song, Doe, a deer, a female deer.”
“But Scorpion,” said Mojo, “this Coyote dude is asking twenty thousand dollars for Doc’s jeep.
Scorpion again appeared to be in deep thought. His instincts told him to never battle an enemy until
you know all about them. Coyote was now a mystery and seemed to be a clever opponent to boot.
The appropriate thing was to send Doc his money, for the time being. Someday he would match wits
with Coyote and win – but today was not that day.
“I will mail him the money,” replied Scorpion, looking at the men. “We will tangle again, when I
learn more about Coyote and his enforcer. Now get the fuck out of here.” Mojo and Moose promptly
exited, leaving Scorpion to ponder the situation some more.
à ENLIGHTENMENT ß
THE WIZARD OF OZ
I don’t believe I’m in Kansas
That evening, Doc received an anonymous package delivery containing twenty thousand dollars cash
in hundred dollar denominations. The package was left on his doorstep while he was away. Doc
tracked down the delivery driver and discovered he had been paid one hundred dollars to delivery the
package. The man who hired the driver didn’t know the real name of the guy who had hired him – the
name he gave was John Smith – but his description matched that of Igor. Doc would not investigate
Adrian, who was staying at Doc’s place, was tired from his ordeal. As soon as he got to Doc’s place,
he telephoned Ann to discuss the situation. She seemed to be very interested in the sequence of events,
asking more questions then usual and he perceived a difference in tone, which he interpreted as her
being more concerned for him. He wondered if she was developing certain feelings for him and
noticed his feelings were changing also. He knew he needed to approach this issue sometime. Right
now, he needed to sleep and get some rest. Bubbles was already fast asleep and Doc was having a shot
Adrian went into the guest bedroom. Before he went to sleep, he composed a poem entitled Solitude
is a Shadow Visitor. He liked the first two stanzas, and they reminded him of Lady of the Lake, the
poem he composed for Ann. He then went to bed and shortly found himself in a deep sleep.
Adrian soon dreamt he was in a bar and noticed a considerable amount of strange characters but
they weren’t dressed like the bikers he met. The clothes reminded him of a pirate movie and he noticed
folks were either talking or trying to charm the waitresses. His first thought was that he was visiting
Coyote’s home territory, but something told him it wasn’t so. One of the waitresses approached him.
“Name your poison strange!” the woman said, putting her hand on his butt.
“This is called the Philosopher’s Stone,” the wench said. “Would you like to drink a pick-me-up or
nor play with the wench. “Did you say this was the Philosopher’s Stoned?”
The serving girl started laughing and rubbed Adrian’s ass a couple of times. “Honey, you’re funny. I
like you. Should we have some fun in private later or would you rather join the philosophers playing
cards?”
“I’d rather join the gents playing cards,” said Adrian, hoping to avoid the wench’s advances.
The wench took Adrian’s arm and escorted him to another room. There were four men smoking,
drinking and playing cards. The wench departed and left Adrian standing up and watching the card
game. There were no chips – only round circles with question marks that the men were using to keep
track of their bets. Adrian knew very little about cards, but he did remember all the western and
gangster movies – the boys always played for chips. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Adrian
Adrian extended his hand to the man and they promptly shook hands. “My name’s Adrian.”
“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Poonapeeper – I mean … Mr. Poonapepper – I mean, Mr. Poonapeeler … I
mean…Seek … I mean … Buddha,” Adrian replied. “Who are these gentlemen and what are these
“We have no chips here – only questions,” he replied. “The object is to win the most questions. As
to the gentlemen – the chair facing north is Friedrich Nietzsche. The man facing south is Jean-Paul
Sartre – he keeps looks for the exit door, but can’t seem to find it. The man facing west is Aristotle and
“How long have they been playing?” asked Adrian, a little puzzled by events.
“I lost track of time. New people come in all the time to watch them play. Would you like to watch
questions. He was searching for answers but couldn’t find any. Perhaps if he were blunt, he might get
an answer from Buddha Poonapepper. “Don’t these gentlemen ever seek answers?” he asked.
‘Heavens, no! They delight in questions. But I have some answers. My partner has some answers.”
Buddha put his hands over his lips to make a whistle and a loud one at that. Nobody came. Again
he tried a loud whistle. Again nobody came. A couple more attempts ensued with similar results.
Adrian tried to find the time. His watch was missing and there was no clock around. He then noticed a
grandfather clock in the corner. There was a sign that said dreamtime and made by aborigines. Buddha
Adrian turned around and said, “What is dreamtime? Why did you use a bell instead of a whistle?”
Adrian looked around and noticed the philosophers were playing cards again. Plato and Aristotle
seemed to be winning the most questions and the other two were busy smoking and drinking. Then
Adrian remembered Buddha ringing for his partner. He turned around toward Buddha and noticed a
cross with a rose in the center that Buddha was wearing. Adrian raised his right hand and moved it
toward his chest. He felt the Burning bush that Rumi had given him and this prompted some more
questions.
“What happened to your partner? Didn’t you ring for him? Can you tell me about that Burning bush
Buddha reached for a bell that said made in Tibet and rang it. He turned to Adrian and remarked,” I
believe he went to the Philosopher’s Café. That’s where the real philosophers hang out. The Burning
bush is something real philosophers sometimes wear. Hey, kid. You have one also. You must be an
honorary member of the philosopher’s fraternity – like myself. It entitles you to free admittance to the
Philosopher’s Café.”
Adrian tried to remember. I fell asleep at Doc’s pad and I through this dream took me to Coyote
caravel land. Instead of singing, I see philosophers and swim in a movie called dreamtime. Then this
strange man – Buddha Poonapepper – has a Burning bush like Rumi wears. Perhaps I put too much
“Is dreamtime another name for the Disney channel?” asked Adrian.
“Not exactly,” replied Buddha. “Dreamtime is a world or a place we meet when we sleep. Some can
enter it when they are not sleeping – like you do when you visit your friend.”
“Now let me get this straight, “ remarked Adrian. “You know about Coyote? I am a simple person.
Am I dreaming or not?”
“Of course, I know about him. Hey, kid – it’s really simple. Most people are awake or they dream –
in which case, they manufacture some images of events unfolding in their lives. Some can enter a
world – like Plato’s cave – where the world is neither a dream nor reality – we call it the dreamtime.
Others have a rare gift to bring the dreamtime world into the real world. That’s you, kid.”
“Let me see if I get this,” replied Adrian. “Am I dreaming about you or are you real?”
“Let me clear it up with an old story, “ said Buddha. “Chuang Tzu, a Chinese Taoist philosopher,
once had a beautiful dream. He dreamt he was a butterfly, flying high into the sky. Oh, what a
beautiful dream it was. When he woke up, he was confronted with a philosophical dilemma. Is he a
“I once dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, I discovered that my pillow missing,”
Adrian was a bit confused. But he thought, that’s to be expected, considering it’s my first visit to The
Philosopher’s Cafe. He wanted to meet Buddha’s partner and perhaps have a brief chat before parting
ways. Adrian thought his partner might also explain about the rose.
Adrian heard a voice yelling, “Where is the exit?” He turned to the table of philosophers and noticed
Sartre standing up and looking around. He turned around to Buddha and remarked: “He can’t find the
exit.”
“Happens to him all the time,” Buddha remarked. “I’ll help him find the exit and the wench will
Buddha whistled and the wench entered. Adrian noticed a perfume he never noticed before. It was
strong and seductive. She moved in a sexy swaying. The only time he ever remembered seeing a
similar walk was at the biker’s party, when Sexy Susan and Juicy Jane were dancing. Yet there seemed
to be sophistication in her mannerisms. Maybe it was the room and the philosophers. Perhaps it wasn’t
the wench at all. He noticed that Buddha was gone and the philosophers were still playing cards,
except for Mr. Sartre – Buddha had escorted him to the exit.
The wench leaned over and whispered in his ear: “ Iris Siren.”
Iris locked her arm in Adrian’s and escorted him out into the main hall. She led him to a trap door
in the floor and opened it. Adrian looked down into brightness. Now he was a little hesitant to descend
the stairway. He thought there might be a subtle trap or another door leading to nowhere. Perhaps he
wasn’t dreaming and was descending again into psychosis. Yet he mind was clear and he remembered
“The philosopher’s guild sometimes meets there. They look for the light while the regular
Adrian felt he needed to see what lay below. He started descending the staircase with Iris following
behind him. With each step, the light became brighter. He kept descending the staircase, caught
between the lights from below and Iris’s enticing perfume, calling Adrian into sensuality. Iris was
bringing out sensations in him he thought he kept in check. The stairway descent brought him between
the light and the strong perfume. Finally, he focused upon the light, and the perfume no longer enticed
him. When he reached the bottom, he saw two men he recognized: Buddha Poonapepper and Rumi
Rosenkreuz.
“Hey, kid,” remarked Rumi. “You’re looking good. Glad to see you can make it.”
“This is a strange dream,” said Adrian. “What is this place I’m dreaming about?”
“You see, son,” remarked Buddha. “Your dream is not a dream but sometimes your dream is a dream
and other times your dream becomes reality. Simple, isn’t it?”
“The kid’s confused,” said Rumi, “It’s his first visit, sort of. Sit down a spell. Iris will help you
relax.”
Iris pointed to a seat and Adrian promptly sat down. She massaged his shoulders and back. The
scent, which he had been able to ignore briefly, returned and he fell under its spell again. He started
drifting off and knew he would be fading from this place soon. He wanted to resist but her perfume
kept overwhelming him. He knew he needed to fire some last questions before he returned to reality.
“This is the dream time,” said Rumi. “I have sent an invitation to Doc. You should visit me for three
Adrian felt himself drifting back into waking reality. Before he returned, he wanted to ask about the
light. The last thing he remembered was that the room was bright and he found it difficult to adjust his
eyes. Now he was focusing upon the light again. He needed to ask about it before returning. Focus
“Always has been. I like you, kid,” remarked Buddha. The last thing Adrian remembered was the
light and strong perfume. Once again, he found himself in Doc’s pad. He opened his eyes and
discovered it was 4 AM. He was sure Doc wouldn’t be interested in hearing about his dream at this
hour. If he were interested, it would not be now. Instead, Adrian decided to go back to sleep and get up
That morning, Adrian arose and started composing a poem entitled Dream Time, Revisited. He
drafted the first stanza and wandered over to the breakfast table. Doc was eating a liverwurst and onion
sandwich, washing it down with a cold beer and black coffee. Bubbles was munching on a banana and
tossing the peelings everywhere. Adrian poured himself a glass of milk, made a peanut butter sandwich
“Did you have a good sleep?” asked Doc, wondering how Adrian was coping with the bomb incident.
Doc thought they had gained the upper hand, and he observed that Bubbles and Adrian were behaving
normally. Doc couldn’t function until he consumed his liverwurst and onion sandwich, washed down
with his optimal combination of beer and coffee – one glass of beer and two cups of strong black
coffee. What was good enough for his grandfather was good enough for him.
“I dreamt about a strange place. Philosophers were playing cards and I met this strange girl called
Siren. On top of that, I was the guest of a Mr. Poonapepper and Rosenkreuz.”
Doc light up a cigar and reflected upon Adrian’s dream. For him, no breakfast was complete until he
smoked a cigar. Usually he picked a very cheap brand in the morning and changed to a more
sophisticated brand towards afternoon and evening. His philosophy was that any old stinky stogie
would do when he was half asleep. As he puffed on the cigar and stared at a can of pepper, he reflected
upon the word pepper. Something in his mind kept pondering the significance the word brought, until
It seems he was a teacher or something. The woman – Iris Siren – was his cousin, and she married
someone called Qutub. They allowed her to stay with the boys because she was talented and belonged
to Zeke?”
“It’s strange,” replied Adrian. “They were in my dream, along with Rumi.”
Doc walked over to his desk drawer and picked out a picture. It was an old photograph Rumi had
given him some time ago. In the picture, there were three people dressed in ordinary clothes, except
that tow of them wore strange necklaces – Burning bush with a rose in the center – only the girl wasn’t
wearing one. He handed the picture to Adrian, who looked at it in silence for a minute or two.
“Kid, you get more mystifying each day. We will revisit this later, but right now we need to visit my
Yesterday, Doc reported to Hack Hickman, the investigating officer that his car had rolled down the
hill hit the warehouse, and exploded. Doc then rented a car from the Timely Wreckers. The last thing
he needed to do was report the accident to his insurance company. Adrian remained silent and knew
Doc was telling the truth regarding the accident. He just didn’t tell the full story.
“Always straight,” he replied. “Their motto is straight answers are our claim to fame.”
“Friend of the family,” replied Doc. “Let me finish my cigar and we’ll grab Bubbles and be off.”
Doc finished his cheap stogie while Bubbles finished her bananas. She threw one peeling on the
floor, one on top of the ceiling fan and the other on top of the chandelier. Adrian knew she wanted to
watch the ceiling fan fling the banana peel. He turned on the fan and it started turning around, until the
peeling fell to the floor. He picked up the banana peelings, including the one from the chandelier,
picked up Bubbles and held her. By that time, Doc had finished his cheap cigar and they were ready.
Doc drove the Ford pickup and Adrian rode shotgun, holding Bubbles. The trip took about fifteen
minutes and Bubbles amused herself with watching the dogs and cats they passed. They turned into an
alley and stopped in front of a small strip mall. Adrian spotted a sign for Always Straight and the motto
Straight Answers While You Wait. After parking, they entered the insurance office to find a bald headed
“Rubin Twiddle, Adrian Albright. Adrian Albright, Rubin Twiddle.” They shook each other’s hands
and Adrian saw that the book, The Day the Earth Stood still.
“Please. Call me Rubin. I read only classical science fiction, mind you.”
Adrian glanced at the newspaper rack and noticed The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and
The National Enquirer. In the magazine rack, he noticed Reader’s Digest, Scientific American, Mad
“You’re quite an eclectic reader,” Adrian remarked, while Bubbles picked up a copy of National
Geographic. She became fascinated with a picture of a gorilla on the front cover. Meanwhile, the
phone rang and Rubin answered it. He listened for a few seconds, pulled out a tape player, and
attached it to the phone and started up a tape. Every thirty seconds, the tape responded with Rubin
“Mr. Twiddle, I’m confused. Can you explain the tape recorder?” asked Adrian.
“Easy, “ responded Doc. “His wife calls him up once a day to nag, but Rubin is a cleaver agent. He
figures his wife talks for an hour and he responds with yes, dear. He gets a second line and recorded
Rubin went to his book self and secured a copy of H.P. Lovecraft’s greatest works. He shared all his
latest reading endeavors with Doc, since the other customers were only interested in processing claims.
Today he took a book about a race of monsters that lived before man appeared on the planet, flipped
“Love craft?” asked Doc. “I didn’t know you were into seducing the fairer sex. You being married
and all.”
“No,” Doc, “Lovecraft is a great horror writer. He writes about monsters before mankind appears.
While everyone was focused on Lovecraft, Bubbles was having her own amusement. She had
abandoned the National Geographic and managed to slip undetected over to the tape recorder, reached
for the phone and picked up the receiver. She listened to a few words of a woman’s nagging voice and
proceeded to erupt in hysterical monkey laughter; enough to disrupt the Lovecraft discussion. Doc
grabbed Bubbles and Rubin grabbed the receiver, just in time to receive a brief scolding from his wife.
“Rubin, you miserable good for nothing. How dare you laugh at me? Wait until you get home, you
“But dear,” he replied, grabbing the receiver. “I was laughing at something Lovecraft wrote.”
“You’re reading that Twilight Zone again? You don’t think I buy that excuse about laughing at him?
Last week, you were reading Poe. I will give you some real horror, you…”
Rubin succeeded in hooking up the tape recorder and listened to it echoing Yes dear, yes dear. Adrian
was given the task of holding Bubbles to ensure that she’d behaved herself. As for Rubin, he had
discovered long ago that reading horror writers was lighthearted escapism compared to his marriage to
Glades Metamora Twiddle. No monster from the imagination of Poe or Lovecraft could compete with
the nagging of Glades. Rubin initially married her for money and used the money to set up his
insurance agency business. He used the business and his books to escape an impossible marriage and
“My jeep was bombed,” said Doc. “It’s all in the police report by officer Hack Hickman. Did he fax
a copy?”
Rubin went to his file cabinet and looked under Holliday. He pulled out a fax report and started
reading.
“Hum. Very interesting. You went to the parking lot. Your jeep started rolling down the hill. You
proceeded to chase after it. It struck an abandoned warehouse and went ka boom. Now the report
doesn’t say bang or boom but ka boom. It can only mean that ka boom is louder than boom and bang
put together. Of course, our own insurance agency would also be examining the wreckage. You have
no objections?”
“Reminds me of a crime Poe wrote about. A gorilla committed some foul murders.”
“Excuse me,” said Adrian. “But I must have a cup of tea and I think Bubbles wants a banana.”
“Just a second.”
Rubin went to the back room. Inside, he kept some hot coffee and hot water. He also had some
bananas saved for when Doc planned to visit. He grabbed a banana, two coffee cups with black
coffee, some cream for himself and a teabag, sugar and cream for Adrian. Rubin handed Bubbles the
banana, which she proceeded to peel and started to munch. He handed the black coffee to Doc and the
tea to Adrian, who added some cream. Rubin then poured some cream into his own coffee and took a
“Absolutely delicious,” said Adrian, sipping the tea. “It’s a sign of a good thinker to have only
The tea had a calming effect upon Adrian, filling him with thoughts about his dream. Was the dream
real or just a dream? Did the references to philosophers mean anything? How could I dream about
Buddha or Iris if I never met? A more disturbing thought surfaced in his mind. I spent several months
in the asylum because the doctors thought I was schizophrenic. Yet most of my visions were of spiritual
realities. What if the things I saw were real and the doctors tried to make him fit their model of reality?
What if their model of reality was wrong or incomplete? As he sipped his tea, he was suddenly aware
Bubbles found Adrian’s tone funny and started to laugh. Doc turned and stared at Bubbles and she
sat quietly. Rubin opened a book called Esperanto made Easy and said hello there and let’s go
bowling. He then continued with where are the fish biting and time to see a movie. Bubbles couldn’t
make heads or tails of this incomprehensible new language and started scratching her head. Adrian
“It’s an artificial language. People speak it around the world. Would you like to see my Esperanto
convention pictures?”
Doc and Bubbles tried to signal Adrian to say no, but his words beat their reservations: “I would be
delighted.”
The next few minutes were spent looking at convention photos. Some showed the speaker holding
up cue cards in Esperanto and English, so the visitors could follow the talks. There were pictures of
Rubin holding conversations in Esperanto with different guests and he would explain the guests’
backgrounds in English, with tidbits of Esperanto thrown in. When Adrian would inquire about a word
meaning, Rubin would gladly talk about the word and write it for him. Doc and Bubbles looked at
Adrian impatiently, but he found the subject fascinating for it newness and Rubin could speak for
hours. In fact, he spent about a half hour talking to Adrian about the subject.
Doc pretended to look at his watch and interrupted, “My – how time flies – we really must be going.”
Would you like to see photos of my Lovecraft convention?”
“I love—“.
Doc grabbed Adrian’s arm and again looked at his watch. “We really must get going.”
Bubbles turned her face to give a slight snicker. Rubin waved goodbye and Bubbles responded.
Adrian again looked at the sign outside, Always Straight. He mind wondered back to his basic
question. What if I saw spiritual realities and I was never really insane?
Doc walked towards a pay phone before heading to the jeep. He listened to his messages, since he
was in demand by the Barbarians. He looked a little surprised and whistled to Adrian. He responded
with a question.
“What’s happening?”
“Listen to this.”
The next moment found him listening to a phone message from Rumi.
“Hey Doc. Tell the kid to visit me for three days. Have him follow the usual path this Friday and
pick him up Monday morning around ten. I will tell him about my life and he will find out about his.
Bubbles appeared excited, as if she knew she was going for a fun trip. Adrian just looked at Doc and
scratched his head. Doc lit a cigarette and hung up the phone. He started walking back and forth and
“In all the time I knew him, he always kept silent about his background. Then you come around and
he wants to talk.”
Crazy Wisdom
Ann arrived at Doc’s place early that afternoon, but Doc wasn’t there - he had some business to
attend to in town. Bubbles was staying with Adrian and he brewed some tea for them and found a
banana for Bubbles. His mind kept flashing back to his question and he decided to ask Ann. Ann
wanted to talk about the jeep incident Doc told her about, but Adrian wanted to tell her about Rumi.
“Rumi wants me to spend three days with him and bring Bubbles. He says I will know all about him
Ann looked at Adrian and appeared deep in thought. Bubbles focused upon her banana and wouldn’t
Rumi was the most mysterious man Ann ever met – outside Adrian. She turned around and looked at
“I think he is a nice but unusual man. It would be nice to get some questions answered.”
“Suppose,” said Adrian, “I was not really sick. Suppose all I saw in the asylum was spiritually real,
but the doctors thought I was seeing delusions? Suppose that what is spiritually real becomes real
“I’m puzzled,” said Ann, looking at Adrian with a confused look. Bubbles looked at him with the
“Remember…Remember…” said Adrian, getting excited about his thoughts. “Remember when I
turned myself in because I kept hearing voices? Whose voices? The maiden named Kazan, who talked
about healing me. Remember the animal that never revealed his species? The one who called himself
El Sabio Loco? I know who they are now. Kazan and El Sabio Loco.”
Ann appeared stunned to Adrian, as if she was lost in deep thought. Bubbles continued to imitate
“William Alter told me once,” said Ann, “about a tradition in the Orthodox religion where Mary is in
an icon called the Virgin of Kazan. The lady who appeared in the icon called herself Virgin of Kazan
and claimed to be Mary. This icon represented the loving kindness aspect of Mary. And loco! Of
course! And El Sabio Loco is Spanish. I believe el means the, sabio means wise and loco means crazy.
Coyote.”
“It makes sense,” said Adrian. “Virgin of Kazan is the healing and loving kindness embodiment of
Mary and El Sabio Loco is the one who is wise and crazy. I think he is Crazy Wisdom.”
“I remember,” said Ann. “About something Doctor Alter said, before he was killed. The Crazy
Wisdom tradition is where sages act crazy according to conventional social traditions and teach wisdom
to the spiritual adept. He said he has read about it in both the Eastern and the Eastern Orthodox
traditions. ”
“Coyote is Crazy Wisdom or El Sabio Loco. Virgin of Kazan is my healing source. I’m becoming
Crazy Wisdom, just like Rumi and Coyote. I must see the statue to learn more. I need to talk to it,
because tomorrow Rumi invited me to visit him and it will be a few days to see the statue again. ”
Ann looked at him and shrugged her shoulders. “I suppose. Where is agent Mulder when you need
him?”
Ann grabbed Bubbles in her left hand and handed Bubbles her purse. Adrian opened the door for the
“Next thing you know, he’ll be saying you’re Hanuman, the ancient Indian monkey god.”
Bubbles just gave Ann a wink with her left eye. Ann then turned and whispered in her ear.
Bubbles then shrugged her shoulders and lifted up both arms half way. Ann walked to her
Volkswagen, but not before picking up Bubbles and handing her back to Adrian. She needed some
music and turned to a classical station. Bubbles picked up a pencil from the center cup holder and
pretended to conduct an orchestra, alternating the pencil between clockwise and counterclockwise
directions with her right arm. Adrian recognized the piece as being his favorite – The Canon in D
minor. He commenced whistling the tune in rhythm to Bubbles’ gestures. Ann waited for the piece to
Bubbles started laughing, slapping her left knee and Adrian looked at her. She returned the look with
her left eye and sat like a Zen monk pondering a koan.
“It’s nothing! Really! The bad guys planted a bomb, Coyote sang some songs and drove the jeep,
Bubbles went for a ride – the jeep exploded and stunned the bad guys – Doc took them for a ride, the
big guy rushed me, I stepped out of his way and he hit a tree.”
Bubbles flipped the radio and got a bluegrass station. The station was playing The Devil Went down
to Georgia. It was really one of her favorite songs, especially the part where Johnny plays the fiddle.
She could care less for the legion of demons playing and showed her disgust by sticking out her tongue.
The basic theme centered on a contest between Johnny and the devil over who is the best player – the
prize being a gold violin for his precious soul. When Johnny started playing the fiddle, Bubbles would
“No. He sang a yodel song, the row a boat and French wet suit song, preceded by a chorus of being
dry.”
“You used Aikido on the guy hitting the tree. Why did you start practicing Aikido?”
“Health and spiritual reasons. Don’t you remember the conversations we had? Aikido means the
way of harmony. One practices it to start mastering oneself and harnessing ki, the universal energy.”
“But when you do it in an attack, you move out of the way, melt with the force and flow through the
energy or ki.”
Adrian was getting excited over Ann’s interest in Aikido, because it met interest in him. He always
thought Morihei Ueshiba - the founder - was a very spiritual man. Adrian was so good at it, he thought
of it as a spiritual dance, like the Sufi’s doing their circular ecstasy dance. The Sufis and Aikido
Bubbles continued dancing with Johnny playing the fiddle. The ride continued for a few minutes,
until they reached the church. She parked in the back and they proceeded towards the front door with
When they reached the front door, Dorothy, who just finished sweeping up the rectory, greeted them.
She recognized Adrian and Ann but never met Bubbles before.
“Bless my soul. Adrian and Ann. How are you? I was going to ask who this is? Will you be
Dorothy shook hands with Bubbles and she responded by attempting to kiss her. Bubbles was
immediately attracted to Dorothy and immediately climbed into her arms. Dorothy started rocking her
back and forth, like she was holding her firstborn child. Bubbles started falling into a restful state and
appeared to be sleeping. Dorothy looked at them, wondering why they stopped by.
Ann was taken aback. She looked at Dorothy, wondering how she knew that name. Adrian stood in
silence, almost like he knew what Dorothy would say. Only Bubbles was unconcerned, having found a
“My patron saint, Mary Baker Eddy, said to call her Virgin of Kazan, the embodiment of healing,” said
Dorothy.
She stood still and looked over in the southeast church corner, where the statue stood. Mary was
about Ann’s height – five feet four – and she stood adjacent to the statue of Joseph. Bubbles was
gazing at the Virgin of Kazan, as she rested in Dorothy’s arms. Her eyes were focused on the trickling
stream of light surrounding Mary’s forehead. She cracked a slight smile and became hypnotized by the
light.
Adrian walked over to Mary, like he was approaching a lifelong friend. After making eye contact,
he placed his hand on the statue and was transported to various places, dancing in his mind’s eye. He
noticed the lands where Mary appeared to different people. He felt Mary through the body and mind of
one of the visionaries. Each land, he felt that a different aspect of Mary presented herself. The
appearance represented a compassionate and motherly love, which he wanted to embrace more fully.
He was transported back to Montana and the latest, contemporary manifestation of Mary – Virgin of
Kazan.
Adrian was then given insight into the Aborigine Dreamtime. He felt himself propelled to a place
during the initial creation, where he witnessed various spirits or spiritual elements becoming involved
and assisted the great creator with the creation. He saw these spiritual elements continue to guide the
people and aid them, along with the Great Spirit. Adrian realized Coyote was one of them. He then
had another insight – The dreamtime was what he entered when he talked to Coyote or, more recently,
Rumi. After Adrian died, the dreamtime started to manifest itself in physical reality. He was walking in
two traditions, according to scholars – but he didn’t see any artificial divisions existing.
“Good heavens,” said Dorothy, taken a bit aback. “He does have to flaunt it.”
“That’s not what he means,” insisted Ann, wondering what he really met.
“So can Bubbles,” said Dorothy, looking at her sleeping in her arms.
coming to mind – one to heal those who needed healing and the other to connect with spirit. It is the
mystical rose that all mankind should seek. Some, like Rumi, spend their whole life seeking it and
others, like Adrian, have the rose given as a gift. He felt his hand drawn to Virgin of Kazan’s and put
his hands on the statue. He felt something pop into his hand and his mind beheld an image of Dorothy.
“She usually materializes these on Wednesday, but today isn’t Wednesday,” said Dorothy.
Adrian again touched the statue, leaving all three ladies to ponder how Adrian got the rose and why
Virgin of Kazan materialized it on a Thursday. Again a message came to him – the roses would
continue to manifest and the church would become a place of pilgrimage. Eventually Dorothy would
understand everything – but not today. Adrian just wanted to shout about the rose.
“The rose is the poetic form of God’s light, much like Japan has the…haiku.”
Bubbles looked up and make a smacking sound with her lips, indicating she wanted a kiss. She had
her arms wrapped around Dorothy’s left arm and her half-shut eyes indicated she needed a good night
kiss. Her gestures distracted everyone and brought them all back to the real world of hungry monkeys
and thirsty people. Nobody remembered the previous conversations, except for the main points.
Dorothy felt a good spot of tea would be what everyone needed and offered the suggestion.
“Would anyone care for a spot of tea? Could someone hold Bubbles while I make some?” Asked
Dorothy.
“As many as the wee folks have pots of gold,” responded Dorothy.
Dorothy went to the kitchen to make tea and Ann ended up holding Bubbles. They joined Dorothy
in the kitchen. Adrian was busy raiding the cookie jar, while Ann went to grab a glass of water. A jar
of nuts, sitting on the counter, sparked the attention of Bubbles. While Ann focused on the water,
Bubbles’ hands played Houdini with the nuts – making them disappear from the container into her
mouth. She let loose a sly, mischievous smile, pleased that everyone was too busy elsewhere, not to
“You’re the guy with the strange photos Rumi had. I remember the picture of Virgin of Kazan and
“She appears in different parts of the world, under different aspects. She has come to help the people
and I also found the dreamtime. Coyote is part of it and Rumi has found the dreamtime and I like the
dreamtime.”
. Bubbles let out a big belch, having had her fill of nuts. The next time Dorothy wanted some nuts,
she would find the container empty and it would leave her wondering if Father O’Connor had eaten
them all. Dorothy had plenty of lemons, not wishing to have Rumi show up and not have any lying
around.
“What did you learn from the Virgin of Kazan?” asked Dorothy.
Adrian’s mind had a flash regarding Aesop’s fairy tales. He now understood they conveyed deep
moral truths. Henny Penny was a chicken who wanted to bake some bread. Every time the chicken
asked for help baking bread, no one would help. When she finally baked the bread, everyone wanted to
help her eat it. Another was about a boy, crying wolf. Whenever he cried a wolf was present, everyone
came. When the real wolf finally came, nobody came to rescue him. To Adrian, telling all Virgin of
Kazan said would be best said another day – when people are ready to help bake bread. Now they can
hear messages about wolves coming – messages without real substance.
“She appears in several places, to help those in need. She is here, in this place and time, to help heal
They drank their tea and Bubbles opened Ann’s purse and pulled out a small vanity mirror. She
admired her reflection and she started to laugh. Everyone watched her and shortly, joined her in
laughter. She kissed the mirror and looked at everyone, happy for all the attention. Dorothy grabbed
her from Ann’s arms and rocked her, inducing another bout of sleep.
Both Ann and Adrian smiled faintly at her remark. Dorothy wondered about how Adrian talked to
Bubbles woke up and pulled on Dorothy’s dress and looked at Dorothy and pointed to the container
of nuts. Dorothy walked over and noticed it was empty; prompting her to open another can, fill the
“I don’t understand where the nuts went to. It must be that Father O’Connor needs to quit snacking.”
For some reason, neither lady had any questions to ask and Ann looked at her watch and remarked.
Bubbles pulled on Dorothy’s dress again and pointed to the nuts. While she went to for more nuts,
Adrian filled a bag with cookies. Bubbles was very happy and pretended to be cute and adorable, so
Dorothy would give her many nuts to bring home. Adrian held the cookie bag and Ann grabbed the
“Come back anytime,” said Dorothy to Adrian, “and bring those lovely ladies with you.”
Bubbles put her hand on her mouth and blew a kiss in Dorothy’s direction.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Ann, Adrian and Bubbles drove back to Doc’s place, where Doc was playing a tune on his electronic
piano. Doc had no particular tune in mind before they arrived and had a mouth organ on the piano. It
was a relatively new mouth organ and he pledged to learn it some day. He thought about the recent
experience with Mojo and started to bang out Got My Mojo Working. Ann noticed the mouth organ.
“What?” asked Doc, acting a bit surprised. “Since when do you play the harmonica?”
“Since I was small and my Uncle Elmer taught me. I play it to relax.”
“You never told me,” said Adrian. “You never know when life throws you a surprise.”
Doc removed his hands from the keyboard and looked at Adrian.
“Did you tell her you are visiting Rumi tomorrow?” asked Doc.
Doc started playing Got My Mojo Working and Ann started playing the juice harp with a fury –
surprising both men. While Ann and Doc played their corresponding instruments, Bubbles was playing
with a Raggedy Ann doll and Adrian, standing up besides Ann, was banging a tambourine.
Bubbles dropped the Raggedy Ann doll and picked up some small cymbals to play. She started
clanging them together, attempting to imitate Adrian – who was as adept at playing the tambourine as a
penguin riding a camel. Raggedy Ann’s eyes blinked as Bubbles was busy watching Adrian. The dolls
hand grabbed Bubbles tail and gave it a gentle pull. Coyote, who was always near Adrian, couldn’t
She let out a small yip and turned around. Her yip was a friendly one – not angry – and she eyed the
doll, wondering if the doll pulled her tail. She picked up the cymbals again and attempted to imitate
Adrian’s playing. Doc was singing the Mojo song and was very pleased at Ann’s playing. Bubbles
played the cymbals while the Raggedy Ann doll blinked. The hand again grabbed Bubbles tail and
floor – unmoving. Bubbles again looked at the doll and didn’t see any movement. She picked up the
cymbals and started clanging to Adrian’s tambourine. The song was almost finished and Doc was
singing the final chorus. The doll again blinked and her hand pulled Bubbles’ tail. She yipped. The
tail pulling movement surprised her. She threw the cymbals at the doll just as Doc bellowed out the
final chorus.
“Who?” asked Adrian, wondering if Doc was referring to the science fiction doctor.
“Like a horse with a new set of shoes, who swallowed a bottle of Jack Daniels and took up tap
dancing.”
Adrian reflected upon Doc’s comment. I never played the tambourine before and horses do have
iron shoes. Jack Daniels makes people like Doc relax. Gee! A horse that tapped dance would be the
life of the party. Maybe Doc really likes my tambourine playing. Maybe if I played it more, he would
think I have musical potential. Enough of my musical longings! I must replace them with poetic
inspiration.
“Honey, you may jam with me anytime,” replied Doc. “How long have you played the harmonica?”
“Nicholas Roerich?” asked Adrian, a bit surprised. “You never told me Ann. I really like his
paintings?”
Ann was surprised that Adrian never mentioned this in therapy. There were few people who had
even heard of him. Bubbles, meanwhile, kept looking at the Raggedy Ann doll, ready to punch it in the
nose or bite its head off at the first false move.
Adrian again thought about the painting. I discovered the artwork of Nicholas Roerich and Aikido at
the same time. I would spend hours on perfecting an Aikido form and reflect on Roerich’s paintings.
Why did I never mention that to Ann in therapy? Probably was never important. My favorite was
Treasure of the World. The world is a dark and mysterious Tibetan horse, Chinta Mani, brings the
sacred fire on his back to light the world. Unfortunately, hostile forces are lurking in the shadows,
ready to extinguish the light. Maybe, in a way, I was acting the role of Chinta Mani and perhaps
“It’s a personal favorite of mine,” said Ann, her voice echoing a tone of sweetness Adrian could
almost taste.
“It’s not my cup of tea,” said Doc. “Bubbles looks like a boxer sizing up his opponent.”
The three watched her look at the Raggedy Ann doll. She would occasionally pull its hair or slap it
with her hand, attempting to elicit a response. The doll stood silent, ready to absorb the punches and
surrender to the monkey’s aggressive attacks. But Bubbles, seeing no motion in the doll, lost interest
after a few minutes. She skittered away, leaving the three laughing at her antics. Ann realized it was
“Tomorrow night Adrian and Bubbles will visit him for three days,” replied Doc.
“Rumi promised to tell me about his life and I will learn about mine. Will you please come to see me
He watched as she drove away, realizing he was falling for her. Doc went for a drink and to play
cards, leaving Adrian to flip on the radio and turn to an old time radio show and Bubbles sat in his lap.
Jack Benny was yelling at Rochester and the antics caused them both to laugh. Bubbles laughed to
imitate Adrian and she found his laugher amusing. Adrian laughed because he found the timing of Jack
was an art. In fact, in his opinion, Jack could run rings around comedians like Jerry Seinfeldt. When
Don Wilson read the announcements, he thought of all the silly events in his life. Humor was the one
element that made life palatable and provided a blueprint to view life’s elements – both good and bad.
Adrian dozed off with Bubbles sleeping beside him. Doc finished his drink and cards and decided to
let them sleep. He turned off the radio and went to bed. Adrian did not visit the philosopher’s café or
see any philosophers, but he did have a deep and peaceful sleep.
He woke the next morning and packed a few items for this trip to Rumi’s place. Doc fixed a lunch
basket for Bubbles and threw some things in for Adrian. Time passed rather quickly and Bubbles
appeared to be very happy. Like most animals, she sensed she would be joining Adrian on her trip. It’s
one of life’s little mysteries, along with female intuition and cats landing on their feet. How it is done,
nobody knows. But Bubbles followed Adrian around like a faithful puppy.
Adrian passed the day writing poetry and Doc went to work with the Gladiators. When Doc
arrived back, it was evening and Adrian finished three poems. An hour later, Ann arrived and brought
some goodies for Adrian. They climbed into Doc’s rented vehicle and were off to an unknown location
– unknown to everyone but Doc and Rumi. They arrived at a wooded area with a nature trail. Both
Ann and Adrian looked surprised when Doc stopped the vehicle.
“Relax,” said Doc. “This trail leads to Rumi’s place. I walked it many times myself. He’s waiting
for you.”
Adrian trusted his friend Doc, overriding Ann’s objections. He took his bag of goodies and clothes in
one hand, wearing the red hunting jacket and green Sherlock Holmes cap Doc gave him, and Bubbles,
wearing her Cubs hat, in his other hand. His mind was still fresh from Ann’s kiss. He remembered her
parting words as he started on the trail – be careful. Adrian wondered if this was the trail the
adventurers went on in The Wizard of Oz? Would the wicked witch’s house be around the corner and
would he enter it, should he discover it? His mind kept focusing upon the trail. As he turned back, he
saw the headlights of Doc’s vehicle. He looked back at the trail, trying not to lose it.
“Follow the yellow brick road,” responded the bush. Bubbles bounced and point to the bush.
When Adrian looked, no one was there. He then focused back upon the trail. The trail continued for
a ways and he again wondered if he lost it. He looked back and could no longer see the headlights. It
was probably too late to turn back and he continued down along the trail, wondering if he was heading
Adrian stopped and looked up at the tree. Nothing was present, except for an owl asking who every
few seconds. Bubbles was excited and wanted to climb the tree. Adrian kept trying to restrain her but
Bubbles determination to climb the tree was overwhelming. He knew he would have to climb the tree
to retrieve her, should she succeed in breaking his grip on her. The owl kept calling who while Adrian
wanted to call help. Instead, his next statement was directed at the perpetrator.
Adrian looked ahead of him and, off in the distance perched on a rock, a dark, but luminous coyote
stood. He felt Bubbles pulling away and knew she wanted to join Coyote. He let her loose and she
darted over to the rock. She tried to wrap her arms around Coyote but they went right through.
Puzzled, she attempted another hug with the same result. Adrian wondered how long she would keep
Dew.”
Adrian glanced at Coyote and saw a huge brown jug a few feet from him. He loved the soda pop and
savored its wonderful taste. Perhaps it was the orange juice inside that hooked him on it. He wondered
why it was not in a familiar can and was puzzled over the jug’s shape and size. A cold drink would
taste good right now, and the caffeine would help him stay alert. Yet he suspected there might be a
trick.
“I promise you – this is the real McCoy – Mountain Dew,” replied Coyote.
Adrian stepped up to the jug and noticed Bubbles was puzzled – she apparently could see Coyote but
couldn’t connect with him. Every time she attempted to hug him, he was as ephemeral as Custer’s
good luck charm. Adrian’s thirst and desire for a soda pop overcame any hesitation he had. Picking up
the jug, he gulped down a good mouthful – then he started to gag and cough. He put the jug down and
continued to gag and cough – his head exploding with neon lights. Bubbles and Coyote were busy
“You be quiet or I’ll give you some to drink,” Adrian replied to Bubbles. Bubbles just sat still and
“It’s just a herbal formula to open you up to time hopping,” said Coyote.
“I’ll show you later, kid. Right now, I have a riddle for you. What walks on four legs as a baby, two
Adrian had heard this one before. He tried to recall when he heard the riddle. It must have been as a
kid, when he spent time meditating under a tree. When all the other kids were playing at recess, he
took the time to just meditate and enjoy nature. His school counselor walked by and saw him
meditating. She said hello and offered him a riddle. After two days of trying, she finally gave him the
answer.
“Man,” said Adrian. “He walks on four legs at birth, two in midlife and carries a cane as he grows
Meanwhile, Bubbles had a riddle to ponder herself. How could she see her friend and not touch him?
Every time she reached out to touch Coyote, her hands went right through his luminous form. The only
course of action left was a clever one – pick up a stone and throw it at Coyote. She located a good-
“Ouch. Come over here, you little stinker.” He grabbed Bubbles and lifted her in his arms.
“As long as you are here, el loco gabio – what do you know about dreamtime?”
“If you answer my question, I will take you there,” replied Coyote.
This time, Adrian was ready for a deep, philosophical question. If Coyote had given the riddle to the
sphinx, then he could ask about anything. He went through his list of subjects and wondered what
Coyote would ask him. Perhaps he would ask about the dust on the moon or how mankind came into
existence. He could ask about the religions of man and how they differed or why philosophers asked
questions. Yet if Adrian didn’t answer the question, he would not learn more about dreamtime.
“In how many Stooge episodes were there pie fights?” Coyote asked.
Adrian was taken aback. Instead of some important philosophical question, he was asked about pie
fights. The Stooges were such silly geese and he remembered Curly working on an automatic pie-
throwing gadget that kept hitting him in the face with pies. Sometimes all the rich and important
people got hit in the face. Perhaps Coyote was trying to teach him that the Stooges came out of the
depression era and poked fun at the very wealthy. He was ready to say I don’t know, when Bubbles
Whenever he visited Coyote, he always did a chant called Coyote Come. In it, he entered a dream
world. Yet Buddha Poonapepper mentioned Coyote was part of the dreamtime. His own insights told
him Coyote was part of it from the beginning. “Should I do the chant?” asked Adrian.
“I heard something like that before, but I can’t remember where. It bugs the dickens out of me. What
about her?”
Adrian was wondering about Bubbles and if she would tag along. He felt like Dorothy with her dog
Toto, after they found the magic slippers. Instead of the wicked witch and her band of evil creatures,
he had to deal with Scorpion and his merry band of cutthroats. He waited for Coyote’s answer about
Bubbles.
Adrian placed his hand on Coyote’s luminous fur and noticed something different – instead of his
hand passing through Coyote’s form, as Bubbles had experienced, he felt a solid form. Next he noticed
himself floating though streams of light, like the opening stage shows for all the Grateful Dead concerts
he saw on TV. But instead of using LSD, he was taking the Coyote express. Yet he knew if he tried
explaining his experiences to Grateful Dead fans, they would ask him how much for the stuff.
Bubbles was enjoying the light and her eyes were open and twinkling, and another insight stuck
Adrian. These trips were not part of the material dream world but his actual spirit (along with the
spirits of Bubbles and Coyote) was physically traveling. He knew if he ever were invited to Ken
His travels finally subsided and he and Bubbles looked around. It appeared to be some medieval
monastery and they were all standing inside a monk’s room finished with wooden tables and chairs and
flasks of liquor, perhaps ale or wine. Two monks in brown robes stood engaged in making merry and
lively conversation.
“Where are we?” asked Adrian.
“Heavens, no. This is like the Ghost of Christmas past taking a trip, or Moose and Mojo
Adrian held Bubbles, as she wanted to go bother the monks or try the liquor. He noticed two
engraved pens inside the room, which said Bartholomew and Eckhart. He figured they were the
monks’ names. Another twist was the word philosophical history. Adrian remembered his trip to the
philosopher’s café and wondered if the event was related. He stood silent and listened to the
conversation.
“You got it all wrong, Brother Bartholomew,” said Eckhart. “They dance like this.”
Eckhart started dancing in a circle going counter-clockwise. Both his hands reached for the ceiling,
as he bent his body down. When he raised his right foot, he moved his arms behind his back. After he
raised his left foot, he moved his arms to the right. He performed these movements for three counter-
clockwise circles.
He then raised himself on his tiptoes and clapped his hands together. When he moved in a clockwise
circle, he kept yelling hallelujah. Instead of three circles, like the other monk, he made four circles.
Adrian must have counted six halleluiahs said for each circle. He was still puzzled over the behavior.
“It appears we don’t agree on the dance. Let’s discuss how they fly,” said Eckhart. “It’s definitely
Eckhart took a big sip of liquor and began to hum. He placed both arms on this shoulders and
moved them in a rapid pace. Instead of a clockwise or counterclockwise circle, he made figures of
eight. Adrian counted six of these figures of eight.
“You got it all wrong, as usual,” replied Bartholomew, sipping a good portion of the liquor. “Here is
He held both arms at shoulder height. He bent his body low and high, alternating as he went in a
counter-clockwise direction. Then he changed his body position, alternating high and low, to a
clockwise direction. His right hand went over his eyes in a cuffed position, when changing circular
Bartholomew walked over toward Eckhart’s seat and his closed hand touched his rear.
“You felt the sharp prick. The point is real, is it not?” asked Bartholomew.
“We can agree on the reality of the pin. We still haven’t determined how angels fly or dance.”
“And that is important to know, in order to determine how many occupy a particular space at once.
Then we need to determine how many are dancing or flying,” retorted Eckhart.
“Simple!” replied Coyote. “How many angels can dance on the head of a pin.” Adrian was a
bit surprised and wondered about this deep philosophical debate. He thought he was witnessing the
results of mankind’s great philosophical achievements. He noticed that Brother Bartholomew was a bit
annoyed with Eckhart. His face reddened and he wondered if anyone got killed over this argument.
“Angels are big like me. They fill up their lungs with warm air for heavenly singing. This is why
fewer angels can dance on a pin’s head.”
“But I agree. If hot air comes from thy bellows and carries as much weight as you speak of, then
Eckhart picked up a quill pen and let it fall to the ground. The pen was a bird feather and the lighter
weight caused it to float gently downward. He then took a piece of wood and let it fall, resulting in a
hard thump. He clapped his hands together and turned toward Bartholomew.
“We can see that weight is a factor. How much does each angel weigh dancing on the pin?”
Adrian already knew he didn’t want to stay but pretended to be thinking it over. He released Bubbles
to run to the monks. She tried to grab them but her arms went right through. After jumping on the
chair and falling through, she walked to the table and discovered she could go through it. Her arms
tried to touch everything, only to fade into the images. Finally, Adrian grabbed her.
Adrian put his hand on Coyote’s fur and found a solid handgrip. He felt pulsations of light and the
sensation of traveling in a tunnel. Many colors of blue, green, orange, red, yellow and white kept
fading in and out. A few seconds passed and the light began to fade. The landscape of the forest
reappeared and Bubbles was still in his arms. He looked around and discovered a vital ingredient was
missing – Coyote. Coyote was gone and Adrian worried about getting lost, until he looked at the
ground. There was a wide yellow line going before him, extending through the forest. He bent over
and noticed the texture. It appeared to be sulfur and caused Adrian to ponder.
Bubbles looked at him and shrugged her shoulders, prompting Adrian to continue walking. He
carried Bubbles and followed the sulfur trail, wondering where it would end. His feet were tired and
his muscles ached – on top of that, carrying Bubbles for any distance was a chore. He hungered for a
Fig Newton or a box of raisins, but none was in the supply basket Ann had packed. Maybe Rumi might
have some sweets to nibble on. His thoughts turned to sleep and he wondered why Rumi wanted to
start so late. Another few feet felt like an eternity and his attention was fading. A figure waving in the
“Hey, Kid,” yelled Rumi. “You’re looking good. And I see you brought the adorable Bubbles.”
When Adrian reached Rumi, Bubbles jumped right into Rumi’s arms. Adrian saw a simple but large
cabin he figured was his host’s. He walked inside and was pleasantly surprised. The layout reminded
him of a chemistry lab with chemical flasks all around, except that a person lived here. He approached
a light or lantern and couldn’t find a kerosene or battery source for it. No matter how he approached
the lantern or examined it, the light source still eluded him and this fact greatly puzzled him.
“Heaven forbid,” replied Rumi. “Perpetual motion. Would you care for a spot of tea?”
Rumi brewed some tea and brought a cup for Adrian and himself. Adrian helped himself to some
cream and sugar, while at the same time admiring the Sherlock Holmes chemistry lab setting. Both
sipped their tea in silence, and Bubbles occupied herself with a banana. Adrian had a zillion questions
and he wanted to find out more. He drank half his tea before speaking.
“No talk tonight – just rest. Tomorrow I’ll tell you my life story.”
Adrian finished his tea and wanted to sleep. Rumi escorted him to a guest bedroom with a dog bed
for Bubbles. Both drifted in dreamland without a passing thought. Tonight Adrian did not visit the
philosopher’s café or talk to Buddha Poonapepper or Iris Siren. There were no philosophers’ playing
The next morning Adrian was served a heaping helping of venison stew and a pot of green tea.
He never had venison before and thought it may have a strong flavor to it. The flavor was carefully
enhanced though Rumi’s creative blend of spices. Bubbles was eating some monkey food packed by
Doc and drinking some powered milk. Dying to know more about his mysterious host and benefactor
Rumi was born to a Fred and Wilma Rosenkreutz near Stanford University. He came from a
bloodline of very intelligent people and the blood of philosophy ran in the family. His first name was
Clarence but preferred the name Rumi, which he acquired later, in relating this tale. Fred was a
philosophy professor at Stanford and philosophically approached life, rather then being an academic
philosopher.
Rumi quickly embraced the same traditions of the great masters. Plato was his favorite thinker and
he agreed with the sayings of a contemporary western philosopher – all philosophers are a series of
footnotes to Plato. He quickly excelled in his normal and specialized studies. He followed and was
fascinated with the traditions of the Greek philosophers. So deep were his ponderings and beliefs that a
Rumi quickly solved that dilemma by studying both physics and philosophy at Stanford, after
entering the university at the ripe age of sixteen. While other students were interested in parties and
girls, Rumi read the minds of great scholars. After completing his bachelor’s in philosophy and
physics, he decided upon the former for a life commitment. His next year found him completing his
master’s degree. His master’s thesis on The Platonic Duck Waddle is Better than the Aristotle Quack
was winning him academic recognition and promised a bright future in known philosophical circles.
He already applied for and was accepted into the Ph.D. program at Yale, Stanford Harvard, and
Princeton. He thought his biggest problem was deciding which school to get a Ph.D. from – wrong! A
visit to a little known pawnshop and a visiting professor would change his life forever.
Hans Von Strudel was a visiting German professor and gave a lecture entitled if you are ever lost, get
lost in the moment. His lectures were widely attended and he noticed three promising students in the
front roll – Rumi, Adam Gardener and Eve Applebee. Adam and Eve were lovers and embraced the
schools of knowledge and ethics. But Hans took a liking to these students and approached them after
the lecture.
“Tomorrow afternoon I am launching my balloon called The Diogenes and I want you to ride along.
Grab some clothes and a couple of books to read. Meet me at this address.”
The three students were given the location and time for the balloon launch. Being young and
brilliant, they were easily impressed by a distinguished visiting German professor offering them a
balloon ride. Rumi was so impressed he immediate dashed to the nearest bookstore, an obscure one
Rumi stepped inside the Persephone and was greeted by a sparely gentleman of British accent,
spoiling customers with his collection of old and rare manuscripts. Many of Stanford’s elite visited his
store, but Rumi was always busy dissecting texts of philosophy under his microscope of intellectual
scrutiny. Now Rumi was in need of help and direction – at least in this winding mass of books and
manuscripts.
“Something Episcopalian.”
Uther Pendragon went to an obscure bookshelf, hidden in a far corner of the store. In the back, he
picked out a thick volume and dusted it off. The door was next to his office and he was making some
Turkish coffee – a favorite to keep him awake during the afternoon. He was always polite to visitors,
Uther went into his office and finished his Turkish coffee. While he was preparing his cups and
accessories for his guest, Rumi looked at the book he pulled. The title was Aurora and it was subtitled
Dawn of a New Day. It was a translation of a German author, Jacob Boehme, who was a Lutheran by
faith and a Christian mystic and philosopher. One day, according to the book jacket, while working at
his profession of cobbling shoes, he glanced into a water basin and the mysteries of creation unfolded
to him.
Uther returned with the Turkish coffee and offered a cup to Rumi. This coffee was especially
stimulating to Rumi, giving him the same wired sensation of consuming several cups of normal coffee
studying for finals or working on his thesis. It was much better quality and didn’t have the same
disappointing taste as the coffee in the student lounge or cafeteria. In fact, the Turkish coffee was as
“Can Superman fly? Can Sherlock Holmes solve a case? Can Mozart compose?”
Rumi was a bit cautious but Uther’s excitement appeared genuine. He again fumbled though the
book, looking at the various chapters. Sometimes Rumi would stop and ponder a sentence or two,
wondering if this author made sense. He appeared to be lost in ideas but couldn’t express himself in
writing. He wondered if little old ladies might digest this book at a tea party.
“Hip? If he were any more hip, he would rename the work Hippidy Dippidy.”
This caused Rumi to become excited and though he would strike a bargain for this obscure work. He
noticed the price said five dollars and he knew textbooks could cost considerably more. If this Jacob
Boehme character was as interesting as Alice in Wonderland, he could impress everyone on the balloon
ride with some notable quotes. He reached into his wallet and handled him five dollars.
“One more thing before I leave, Mr. Pendragon. Do you harbor any books on King Arthur?”
Rumi waved goodbye and walked back to campus with his newfound book. Later that evening he
went to pack and talked to Adam and Eve. The students, along with the professor, did not listen to any
weather forecast – a mistake Rumi would learn to regret. He was mainly concerned with a good night’s
sleep and setting sail tomorrow after on the Diogenes with Hans Von Strudel.
The next afternoon Rumi rode with Adam and Eve to an old farmhouse. Hans was gassing up while
everyone threw their gear in. In the next few minutes, Rumi would embark on a so-called three-hour
tour. Hans lit a joint and offered it to the students. The other two accepted but Rumi declined. He was
too busy looking down at the traffic. Something was wrong with all the cars flowing – away from the
university. As the professor and the other students got stoned, Rumi noticed the weather was getting
dismal, the wind was getting stronger and the sky was getting darker. Then the awful truth hit him –
this was a monsoon and they were headed right for it.
Hans was caught up in the moment, weighting the existential problems of the moment for a savory
stoned rush, amidst the ever increasing wind gusts and the balloon bouncing, imitating the ping pong
ball while the wind imitated the paddles. Adam and Eve were completely out of it and only Rumi
possessed a clear mind.
“Professor Von Strudel,” shouted Rumi, “Do you know we’re in a storm – possibly a monsoon?”
Rumi started to think he was doomed. Gone were his chances of achieving philosophical fame,
opting for a change at academic stardom or even admiring the philosophical gems in the comics. He
always though of a more noble ending – perhaps one involving him rescuing the fair damsel in distress
and giving the villain a lecture in the philosophy of ethics. Now his fate hung on a stupid balloon and a
wasted professor.
“Professor Von Strudel,” shouted Rumi, “ did you hear the weather report?”
“NO”
“No!”
Rumi couldn’t believe his ears. Here he was in a balloon, doomed by a goofy intellectual professor
of philosophy who doesn’t believe one event causes another. He wasn’t sure he heard the professor
correctly. Perhaps he was just stoned and didn’t know what he was saying. Worst yet, he may be fully
Just as Rumi voiced his question, a big sure of wind came and blew the professor overboard. As the
professor fell downward, Rumi tried to grasp his last words of wisdom.
“I –don’t –believe—in--c-a-u-s-a-l-i-t-y.”
Rumi watched as the balloon drifted into the monsoon and the professor continued to fall earthward.
Then a pragmatic philosophical revelation struck him. The professor is the only one who could fly this
balloon and these stupid classmates are stoned to the gills. He tried to think of some comforting words
in philosophy, but the only person filling his mind was Authur Schopenhauer, the philosopher of gloom
and doom, which wasn’t very encouraging. His eyes watched as the balloon substituted for the ship
hunting the great white whale and the crew lay in the corner, too stoned to move.
“Look ma, no Hans,” said Rumi, attempting to relieve the ride of terror.
Adam got up to relieve himself and Eve was combing her hair – aware they were hell in a wind
basket and a wind that could turn them inside out. Rumi was trying to think of some philosophy or
philosopher to comfort him but all his selections failed. He could only think about the dead
philosopher who didn’t believe in causality and it reminded him of an ancient Greek philosopher who
jumped into a live volcano. Rumi couldn’t think of the reason and trying to figure it out was the only
A giant gust of wind up then surged the balloon, causing the balloon to collapse and the sudden shift
in momentum caused Adam and Eve to plunge overboard. The grim thought flashed through Rumi’s
mind – the pilot died, the passengers are following suit, the balloon has collapsed, a monsoon is
blowing and Rumi is stuck in a basket. He looked down and noticed the ocean and choppy waves. The
basket kept blowing outward until it hit the waves. Water was gushing everywhere, and Rumi was
exhausted.
Rumi woke to a delightful smell and sand surrounding his body. The air was calm and no storm
appeared for miles. He slowly focused his eyes and found an old man leaning over him. As Rumi’s
eyes continued to focus, he noticed a white turban around his head and what appeared to be a white
bathrobe around his body. The old man held a bowl of fish soup, which Rumi gladly accepted and
sipped on. The soup had a wonderful flavor and it was restoring the strength he had lost.
“I am Clarence Rosenkreuz.”
Rumi started to wonder about the old man. He appeared to know about philosophy. Utopia was a
book by Sir Thomas Moore; Alciphron was the Minute Philosopher and Hylas the counterpart to
Philonous in the writing of Clarence Berkeley – a modern philosopher and idealist. He noticed the old
man was taking out a pipe and smoking it. Rumi continued to down the fish soup and reflected upon
his situation.
Rumi thought he would humor the old man. After all, he did save his life. And the old man was the
only one who had food to stay alive. Rumi spotted his old knapsack and looked inside. He pulled out
the book Aurora by Jacob Boehme and handed it to Hylas. Hylas flipped through it, pretending to be
intrigued by the contents. He turned to the first page and looked by a Rumi.
“This book is real hippidy dippity. You should meditate on some phrases.”
The statement of Hylas was a bit upsetting to Rumi. Hippidy dippity was a phrase coined by Uther
Pendragon, the owner of the Persephone. Now this man of strange tastes and particular mannerisms
was uttering the same phase. Not only that, but the phase was used in reference to Aurora. Perhaps the
old man had a good idea in reflecting on some phases. It would be an excellent way to understand
Boehme’s philosophy and pass some time. But a subtle thought struck Rumi – maybe this man is
Hylas was being evasive and Rumi preferred to reflect upon the book and found himself a
secluded palm tree. The sun shining through the palm trees made Rumi think of a Bing Crosby movie.
He spent the next couple of hours reading different passages and none of his philosophical training
The subtitle was Dawn of a new day. He spent the next several minutes meditating upon the title.
Suddenly Rumi’s mind became flooded with light. He understood that Boehme penetrated to the core
of light within the darkness. Then Rumi understood a great truth – all three monotheistic traditions had
mystical movements reflecting upon God as light. He saw this light in the Jewish cabbalists, in the
hesychasm movement in the Eastern Orthodox Church, St. John of the New Testament, and in the
Islamic Sufi movement. He then understood his life centered upon seeking this light – at all costs.
Rumi returned to tell Hylas about this mystical experience and thought the old man would be thrilled.
The old man was sitting down, smoking his pipe. Rumi stopped and sat beside him, pointing to the
book’s cover. Instead, Hylas was holding a wooden shovel he had fashioned.
“That’s good. Now go dig a new latrine,” said Hylas, handing the shovel to Rumi.
Hylas pointed to a patch of trees and continued to smoke his pipe, silently lost in contemplation.
Rumi grabbed the shovel and started swearing to himself. He knew he owed the old man for saving his
life and that Hylas may be his only hope for getting back to civilization. The next couple of hours
found him digging a two foot cubed hole and becoming exhausted. Hylas came over with some
coconut milk and offered him some – which Rumi gladly partook of.
“Hum,” replied Hylas. “It’s to square. Tomorrow we will dig a round hole.”
Rumi was fuming mad but decided to control his temper. As long as the old man supplied him with
food and drink, he would try to put up with his idiosyncrasies. Besides, he needed to get some sleep.
Hylas offered him some more fish stew and Rumi noticed it tasted different. Different roots and herbs
enhanced the taste. It gave him strength and the coconut milk enhanced the meal.
Hylas pointed to a hammock and saw only one. This caused Rumi to wonder where Hylas would
sleep.
He watched Hylas fade into the sunset and felt too lazy to follow him. The hammock was so
comfortable, he felt himself drifting into a deep sleep. Each wave rolling in and out kept time with the
swinging hammock. Rumi dreamt he was in a cork in the big ocean, just drifting with the caressing
wave. The ride was not ruff – but smooth – bringing restfulness into his dream state.
Rumi woke to a wonderful food smell – crab stew and coconut broth, intoxicating his nostrils with a
gourmet hunger. His benefactor kept shouting, “eats, eat”, while Rumi kept pushing his hand away.
When he finished eating, he watched the old man smoke a pipe and a truth dawned on him – the old
Rumi took it as a cue to humor the old man. Grabbing the wooden shovel, he went over towards the
square hole he dug. The next couple of hours found him filling in the square hole and digging a round
one. The temperature was very hot and the perspiration poured off him. After he finished digging the
round hole, he felt a thirst and found Hylas coming with a drink inside an empty coconut. He pushed
the wonderful drink in his face and Rumi’s tongue sucked up a wonderful herbal drink.
“Oval?”
Rumi was fuming even more inside but let his anger subside in the hope of having the old man help
get him rescued. Hylas responded by pointed to the Boehme book, which indicated to Rumi, he should
start meditating. He grabbed the book and headed for the hill. Another passage from the book bought
another vision of light, complete with its dance in creation. He must have passed another hour in the
Rumi rushed down to tell Hylas about his discovery. The old man was stoic and did not show any
emotion, as Rumi related his light experience. Instead, he handed him a shovel.
“Now?”
The next couple of hours found Rumi digging an oval latrine. He fumed and fretted under his breath,
realizing that this exercise was causing him anger. He kept digging the latrine, until there was a good
three feet of sand removed and the oval shape was artistically appealing – for a container to hold waste.
Now he needed to show his work and Hylas was coming with a wonderful drink.
“It’s very fine – very fine. The shape is wrong. Try triangle.”
“What?”
Rumi was fuming and realized he had no choice. Either he did what Hylas said or he might never
get off the island. The pattern continued for forty days, with Rumi meditating upon passages from
Aurora and building latrines of all shapes and sizes. Some were rectangular, some circular, some oval
shape, some triangular and others variations of the basic shapes. He dug deep and shallow holes, long
and short holes. At the end of forty days, he knew quite a bit about two things – light and waste
products. The first he couldn’t get enough of and the latter he got saturated with. In all this time, he
never saw the old man sleep or eat. When he would ask him when he ate, he always replied later.
The fortieth day brought an exciting turn of events. Rumi was sitting by a fire, while Hylas smoked
his pipe. On the horizon was a ship and Rumi looked closer and noticed it was a small yacht bearing a
name – The Sophia. The Sophia was coming toward the island, and so Rumi got excited. He started
jumping up and down, shouting and waving his hands. He saw two men and a woman on board, with
the woman piloting the yacht. The ship approached the shore and the three were watching Rumi. The
“I say. Are you all right? How many people are there?”
Rumi turned around and noticed the old man had vanished. This puzzled Rumi and he needed to
find Hylas. Yet Rumi noticed the ship’s crew had anchored and the captain approached him.
“Rumi Rosenkreutz.”
“I’m Zeke Poonapepper. Folks call me Buddha. The other two are Iris Siren and Qutub Qadmon.
Just call them Iris and Qutub. What is the other person’s name and where is he?”
“Just call me Rumi. The other person is Hylas Alciphron, but he seems to have stepped out.”
Iris started giggling. Soon, her giggling became a volcano of uncontrollable laughter. The others,
Qutub and Buddha, each watching Iris bursting at the seams, started bellowing in uncontrollable
outbursts of hysterics. Rumi, wondering what was going on, just shook his head in a puzzled fashion.
“You must forgive me,” said Iris. “But Hylas is such a funny name.”
“And Alciphron does take a bit getting used to,” responded Qutub.
“Come to think of it,” said Rumi, “his name is a bit odd. Actually, his behavior is even strange.”
Rumi spend the next few minutes describing the strange Christian garment and mannerisms of Hylas.
He told everyone how he received his name, dug various latrines shapes, meditated upon passages from
Aurora and was served food and drink by the strange philosopher. Rumi noticed that everyone was
becoming stoic and very quiet. He also noticed something he didn’t see before – Qutub and Buddha
Buddha reached into his pocket and pulled out another Burning bush with an embedded rose. He
“Who is the old man and what is the Burning bush for?”
“Well, you see,” replied Buddha. “The old man is a saint that lived many years ago. People from
time to time have seen him, like you have, in the physical form. This is a rare privilege and indicates
that a person is a spiritual aspirant of the highest caliber. The Burning bush is a fraternity we are part
“Besides,” mentioned Qutub. “Iris, my wife, has plenty of money and funds our activities.”
Rumi wanted to learn more about the Rosisufists and would find out later. The group excused him
and allowed him to search for Hylas. He searched the island, high and low, for two hours straight.
There was not a trace of other human activity. There was only one set of footprints in the sand –
Rumi’s. Rumi found the latrine, shovel and some pipe ashes – the only souvenirs indicating a real
being also occupied the island with him.
“I can’t find him anywhere,” replied Rumi, returning to the boat and rescue party.
“Darling,” responded Iris, combing her long hair and giving him a sexy glance. “When he doesn’t
Rumi grabbed his book and knapsack and headed for the yacht. Buddha took his hand and helped
him aboard. Qutub was chewing on a bag of chips and Iris pulled the anchor up. She started the motor
and sat in the steering column. The waves were calm and The Sophia, with its newly arrived passenger,
Rumi was sailing aboard the Sophia at nightfall, wondering about his strange companions and
their teachings. Qutub, Iris and Buddha would appear normal enough, if this was a traditional Holiday
cruise and the passengers were stone drunk. Rumi heard about his strange group – The Rosisufists. He
recalled reading that it was a secret society, belonging to the seventeenth and eighteenth century,
claiming secret knowledge and power and delving into esoteric religious principles. He remembered
an old philosophy professor – Startle Hosepipe – address the concern during a seminar on Thus Spoke
Zarathustra by Nietzsche. When a student asked what would Zarathustra said to a Rosisufist, Startle
mentioned He would say nothing and just ask to nibble on their magic mushroom. Rumi took professor
Hosepipe’s comment to mean the society had deluded themselves with magic mushrooms. He would
Qutub and Buddha were standing on deck and were silent. Buddha went below and reappeared
after a few seconds, carrying a boom box and volleyball. The ball was painted with different rose
patterns and was in the shape and size of a baseball. Qutub had a CD entitled Russian Dance Numbers
and put in inside the boom box and set the box upon the deck. Rumi was terribly puzzled and
wondered if they were crazy.
“I asked to know about the Rosisufists – Not Fred Astaire or Bo Jangles,” responded Rumi.
Rumi was still puzzled when he noticed the music kicking in and it was one of those obscure Russian
dance numbers. He saw it in the movies, when the men kick their feet in the air and dance back and
forth. Buddha and Qutub were dancing back and forth and throwing the ball to each other, and the men
would accidentally kick each other in the ass. The two men seemed to have mastered the dance and
Qutub threw the ball to Rumi, who stood there admiring the ball’s artwork, until Buddha grabbed his
arm and Rumi imitated the Russian Cossack dance. He thought that the ass kicking resembled
kickboxing, imagined it was a form of savate, and thought it originated in France. Rumi found the
dance invigorating and was moving his feet up and down and threw the ball to Qutub.
“We seek the mystic rose in everything,” responded Qutub. “In song, dance, art and music.”
Rumi continued to dance and throw the ball. In later years, he would discover the rose as the
symbol for divine grace or a higher power filtering into our mortal lives. Right now, he was involved
in some crazy ritual – but loving every minute of it. The dance was a welcome relief from digging
various shaped latrines in the desert. The latrine reminded him of the mysterious saint from Assisi –
the same one who gave him the name and encouraged him to study Jacob Boehme. The same saint that
“This Rumi is good – Real good!” shouted Qutub, his feet reaching toward the sky and tossing the
ball to Buddha.
“Did you guys just see the smoke and rescue me?” Asked Rumi, out of the blue.
Rumi was kicking the sky and really enjoying the Russian kick dance, as he called it. During his
university philosophy sessions, he tried walking to imitate the great thinker – Emmanuel Kant. Rumi
started to think about the philosopher. Kant was so precise about taking a walk at the same time each
day; a neighbor always knew the time when he passed. One day, Kant was a few minutes late and the
neighbor got worried – thinking something dreadful happened to him, when he really was just under
the weather.
“It is quite simple,” said Buddha. “Iris had a flash that someone – a new recruit – would be in
trouble. Qutub had a feeling where to look. I organized the trip and you showed up.”
“I showed up?”
Qutub turned off the Russian dance music and popped in a slow, classical piece. He started moving
real slow but tossing the ball, just as before. He stopped dancing but Rumi noticed Buddha kept
moving and throwing the ball. Now they were the only two engaged in this exercise. Qutub
disappeared for a few moments and returned with a candle and book. He lit the candle and proceeded
“Zohar,” replied Buddha. “It’s the Jewish mystics’ top hit. You like the top hits, don’t you son? You
Rumi took the comment to mean people had their specialty. He found the exercise relaxing.
Throwing the ball, watching the candle and listening to the passage were very meditative. He felt
himself being in another world and everything seemed so heavenly. Light was oozing out of each pore
and bathing the group in radiant, glowing pulses of waves and beams. Each beam and wave was
vibrating in tune with the music. Rumi was becoming the music and light.
Rumi began to regain normal waking consciousness. He realized he had a mystical experience
similar to those spent with the Assisi saint doing the Boehme Bangle, as Buddha so politely called it.
Now he noticed that the Zohar – that mysterious book of Jewish mystical wisdom – triggered a similar
experience. He had much to ponder and knew more lessons would appear – even before he reached dry
land.
“The kid is getting the hang of it. Time to eat,” shouted Qutub.
“Lovely idea,” said Buddha. “We can talk about your future over dinner.”
Rumi was hungry and the idea of dinner intrigued him. During college, Rumi tried to vary his diet
considerably. For breakfast, he liked to have hot dogs with relish, onions and mustard, followed by a
cherry Coke. For lunch, he ate a hot dog with hot peppers and ketchup, washed down with a regular
Coke. For dinner, he usually had a hot dog with sauerkraut and mustard, followed by a Pepsi. The
island adventure was a bit more varied. Usually he had some fish soup prepared with different herbs
and spices.
Buddha took the wheel and Qutub and Rumi followed Iris downstairs. There was a nice vegetarian
meal, served with all the trimmings and courses. Rumi’s nose was lost in the spices and his stomach
“It’s good for the health. If Bugs ate this, he would be in rabbit heaven,” replied Iris.
Rumi was served a hearty portion of vegetable melodies with spice surprise that he found soothing
and delicious. Many questions were going through his head. Would he go back to finish his degree?
What future did he have now with the Rosisufists? How would he make a living? Could he return to his
student diet of hot dogs and Coke? So many questions were circulating, he felt like a jukebox in a
repetitive loop.
“What now?” He asked.
“You can return to school or study with us. Buddha can teach you the pawn shop trade and we can
As the Sophia continued to sail back to shore, Rumi knew he would only learn Real Philosophy from
his new friends and not the academic madmen that pass for philosophers. His life was now profoundly
changed and a new world had opened up for him. No longer would he debate philosophical
propositions from academics but would seek the real answers inside himself.
Adrian sat in silence as Rumi finished his story. He founded many questions about Rumi had been
answered – but none about his own destiny. Bubbles was also quiet and Adrian wondered how much
she really perceived. He stirred his tea and looked at Rumi without saying anything.
“Actually – it’s as believable as mine,” replied Adrian. “But when do I get answers to who I am?”
Adrian wondered about that. Did he mean Rumi would inform him before his time to visit was up or
would some other element tell him the answer? Of course! It must be the Coyote who would give him
the answer – but it would not be straightforward. Adrian would spend the remainder of his visit
learning the secrets of Rosisufist lore and how to enter the dreamtime. With that knowledge, he could
talk with Rumi and his friends any time he needed – just like a telephone conference call. He would
return to Ann and Doc with considerable more knowledge. Rumi would promise to continue his
lessons in the dreamtime and even visit him in person. It was, in Adrian’s mind, the beginning of a
long and beautiful friendship. He was drawn to the words from Robert Browning. Truth is within
ourselves: it takes no rise from outward things, whatever you may believe. There is an inmost center in
The time passed very quickly and Adrian knew it was time to return. Grabbing Bubbles, he waved
goodbye and headed down the path – without having received an answer to his metamorphosis. His
own mind was focused upon seeing Coyote and let him address the question. About halfway down the
path, he noticed Bubbles jumping up and down. She reached out to grab something, with Adrian
holding her back. He looked ahead and noticed the dark, but luminous coyote form. In all appearances
“Meaning?” Asked Adrian, noticing Bubbles trying to touch him and her hands passing right through.
Adrian touched the fur and his hand felt a solid form. He felt himself being transported, along with
Bubbles, through streams of colored light. When the motion stopped, he found himself back at the
monastery. Sitting at their desks, drinking ale and wine, were Bartholomew and Eckhart. They
appeared to be engaged in some stimulating philosophical discussion and Adrian strained to hear more.
“We are approaching this all wrong,” said Bartholomew. “We need to examine one element or
variable.”
“Let’s focus upon what we have plenty of – time. How much time would it take for one angel to
complete a dance, after making contact with a pin’s surface?” asked Bartholomew.
Bartholomew went to his drawer and pulled out a miniature hourglass. He took another sip of ale
and started looking into the sand granules. Eckhart poured himself some more wine and took a couple
of sips. Bartholomew shook the glass from side to side and tried to get the sand to go into one glass
portion. He then turned the glass upright and allowed the sand to flow.
“How much time will pass before the sand reaches bottom?” Asked Bartholomew.
Eckhart silently sipped some wine and soaked a piece of dry bread into the wine and started to eat it.
Bartholomew, soaking some bread in his ale and eating also, followed his motion. Bubbles tried to
imitate the two monks and smacked her lips, pretended to eat some imaginary bread. This ritual
continued three more times – each monk dunking his bread into the respective wine or ale glass.
Bubbles tried to keep up with them and kept smacking her lips.
“Your logic, as usual, my dear Brother Bartholomew, is flawed,” replied Eckhart. “You have not
established that a divine idea gives rise to an invention – like the hourglass. In fact, I shall prove the
opposite.”
Eckhart grabbed a lead book weight and smashed the hourglass. Bartholomew was taken back by
the action and looked flabbergasted. He poured himself another shot of ale and gulped the beverage in
a hasty fashion. The sand and glass were scattered across the floor and Eckhart started sweeping them
up, just like nothing had happened. He took the pieces and deposited them on Bartholomew’s desk.
“If an invention is a divine idea, then what do you call the destruction of an invention?” asked
Eckhart.
“A devilish idea,” shouted Bartholomew. “A devilish idea. Now you broke my good hourglass.”
He grabbed a bunch of pins and laid them out in a circular fashion. Some pins were pointed north,
some south, others east, and the rest west. Eckhart took some red ink and applied it to the pins facing
north. Black ink was used for the southern pins. Blue ink covered the eastern pins and a mixture of red
Eckhart started to walk around the table, eyeing the pins and looking confused. He moved his hands
up and down, pretending to be flying. His eyes looked at the pins and he started walking backward in a
counterclockwise direction. Every time he spotted a pin, he whistled a small tune. Bartholomew kept
eying him, bewildered. Adrian was extremely interested and his eyes were focused upon Eckhart.
“If I were an angel,” said Eckhart, “and I had my choice about which pin to dance upon, how would I
make my choice?”
“That’s irrelevant,” retorted Bartholomew. “Who cares what pin he dances upon?”
“Ah! But the angel might,” said Eckhart. “If he chose a direction and color he didn’t like, the angel
He grabbed a bunch of sand and started to cover the pins. First he covered the ones facing north, and
traversed the other directions in a clockwise direction. Finally all the pins were covered by sand and no
pins could be spotted. Eckhart appeared to be getting angry and his reddened face matched the wine
“My point exactly,” responded Bartholomew. “What if the angel couldn’t see the pins? How would it
Now Adrian was getting restless and so was Bubbles. She wanted to play with the monks and was
getting frustrated, not being able to touch them. Adrian wanted a lesson to be taught – but none was
“Are they still debating how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?”
Adrian grabbed Bubbles and went over to Coyote. He touched Coyote’s fur and was transported into
another whirling mass of colors and shapes, each bringing a different sensation. A couple of minutes
passed and they were back upon the trail – minus the coyote. Adrian picked up Bubbles and looked all
Adrian was a bit upset at Coyote for leading him on a wild goose chase and not answering his
questions, until he noticed some writing in sulfur – shalom, shaman. Now Adrian’s mind started
puzzling over the message, but he was not thinking clearly – due to his mystical experiences with
Rumi. Shalom? Now what does Coyote mean by shalom? Maybe he is referring to me. But I don’t
think so! Shalom and me. Now what does he mean by shaman? I remember squeezing the monkey as
we made the trip. Trip? Shaman? Of course! I think he wants me to find a shaman. But how does
that answer what I am? Maybe Ann, being a woman, can shed some light on where to find a shaman.
Adrian noticed the lights of Doc’s vehicle and spotted Ann and Doc inside. Another few feet, and
feeling that his life was getting better he would tell his tale. Unfortunately, the bottom was preparing to
fall out.
à ENPOWERMENT ß
The soul has darkness, waiting to be unleashed. Sometimes this darkness can be tamed and light
burns it away. Other times, the darkness is so deep and muddy, that no light will ever shine there. All
creatures are surrounded by the darkness and some make it their den. When the den can no longer hold
Adrian walked to the vehicle and climbed in the back seat with Bubbles. Before Ann and Doc could
talk with him, he noticed Ann’s newspaper, and the front headlines read Explosion claims lives of two
bikers. He started reading and every time Doc or Ann attempted to initiate a conversation, he replied,
wait. The explosion had occurred in a diner and the three bikers from the Barbarians received the
blast’s blunt caress. Other victims received minor cuts and bruises and Tiny, the Barbarian leader, was
in a coma. The bomb had been placed under the table, where they dined and Tiny exited to the
bathroom when the bomb exploded.
“I remember him,” replied Adrian. “He started the fight when I first met Doc.”
“Rumi belongs to the Rosisufists and I need to find a shaman to answer my questions.”
Doc started laughing and Bubbles, attempting to imitate her master, kept laughing along with him,
but Ann held a stoic face, not taking part in the laughter.
“No,” responded Adrian. “Rumi belongs to this club called the Rosisufists and Coyote said shalom,
shaman. I figured he’s referring to me and wants me to find a shaman. Do you know where I can find
one?”
Ann shook her head, giving him the look of are you being dense or stupid here. Doc looked at
Adrian and started smiling. He grabbed a cigar but did not light it, because Ann constantly complained
of his smoking. But he rolled it between his two fingers, in preparation for smoking later.
“Well, Ann,” responded Doc. “Care to shed any light on Adrian’s insights?”
“I think William Alter, my murdered psychiatrist boss, mentioned both subjects. The Rosisufists are
a mystical order seeking spiritual knowledge, and a shaman is a priest in primitive cultures who heal
and journey to other worlds – and Adrian, you silly goose, are the shaman.”
“Let’s go to that new Beatnik coffeehouse, The Gateway of Doom, to talk more. I know the
Before Adrian or Ann could say a word, Doc approached a dimly lit building with a brick facade.
He parked his vehicle and Ann And Doc walked in front while Adrian, carrying Bubbles, brought up
the rear. Doc opened the door and some musicians with bongos, beards, and mustaches spurted out
garbled poetic renditions of philosophy and verse. In the corner was a shine set up with a picture of
Allen Ginsburg and Jack Karouac and the place was half-filled with locals and tourists reminiscing
over times the rest of the world had forgotten. Some people were dressed in ripped jeans, sandals,
dreadlocks, and peace sign necklaces, while a man dressed in an artist’s robe brought over a beatnik
think cap and placed it on Bubbles, causing her eyes to sparkle. Doc and the man shook hands and
“Why Doc,” said the man. “Come and soak up some poetic understanding.”
“Forgive my manner, me lady,” he said, kissing her hand in a gesture of gallantry. “I am Juan
Everyone was led to a seat in a dark corner, and people at various tables were smoking, drinking,
discussing beatnik philosophy and trying to pick each other up. In between all the exchange of
wisdom, Adrian told his tale and, in turn, found out more about the bombing from Doc, who mentioned
that Scorpion, the obvious culprit behind the bombing, was at a social event with some other Devil
Dogs suspects. When Adrian finished his story, he looked at the many bearded, pot smoking, glassy-
eyed faces focused upon his table. All eyes were on Adrian, since he was speaking but no one could
hear the spoken words, since he was speaking in a low-pitched tone. The silence was interrupted,
thought only by the booming voice of Juan Quixote as he started his next poetry reading.
Everyone, except for Adrian’s party, apparently understood the cool beatnik philosophy and
applauded. Unobserved, Bubbles was sitting in the back, next to the peanuts, and picked one up. She
Everyone burst into spontaneous applause. Adrian, Doc, and Ann were bewildered at the reaction.
Bubbles grabbing a peanut, threw it in the direction of Juan’s head. This time she succeeded in
“I swear,” said Juan, “We have an establishment type here tonight and I shall retire until later.”
Doc was having a gin and tonic, Adrian a diet Coke with lemon and lime, Ann an espresso and
Bubbles a glass of milk. Bubbles drank the milk in silence, behaving like a Girl Scout performing only
good deeds. Doc grabbed the front paper and underlined the word coma.
“It’s a new territory,” replied Adrian. “I was in a coma myself and the spirit is stuck somewhere in
the dreamtime. I would have to visit the dreamtime and find him – convince him to return to the body.”
“How does Adrian get in the hospital to be alone with him?” Asked Ann.
Doc was silent and reached for his wallet. Adrian at first thought a bribe may be coming, but no
money was extracted. Instead, Doc pulled out a laminated card reading Reverend Adrian Albright of
“A friend of mine – an established reverend – ordained you. It’s all nice and legal.”
“Because she gets into too much mischief by herself,” said Doc, “ever since she started hanging
“I have an idea,” replied Doc. “My sister has an old baby carriage.”
The next couple of hours were spent listening to various beatnik poets, including Juan Quixote.
Every time he talked about life’s gateways, someone threw a peanut at him. Unfortunately for Juan, the
corner where Doc’s party was sitting was too dark to see anything. Ann, Doc, and Adrian were busy
watching the show, while Bubbles was being mischievous. Doc gave Bubbles some more peanuts for
good behavior, Adrian admired his newly laminated cleric card, and Ann just shook her head.
Adrian went to sleep at Doc’s place without any dreams about Coyote, dreamtime, philosophers, or
mischievous monkeys. Instead he didn’t dream about anything – not that he could recall.
When he awoke in the morning, he discovered Doc had gone about his important business and there
was a baby carriage in the kitchen. It had a top that could be positioned to cover the baby, which in this
case was the monkey. What he didn’t see the hole in the left side, covered by a make shift flap. This
loophole wouldn’t present a problem to a normal baby, but the intended baby was anything but normal.
Ann arrived around 9 A.M. in her Volkswagen, and Adrian, Bubbles, and the baby carriage departed
to see Larry Laborite, the head of the Barbarians, nicknamed Tiny, who was born of Jewish parents and
hovering between life and death in a coma. They arrived at the hospital at 9:20 AM.
Adrian put Bubbles in the baby carriage and gave her a baby bottle full of milk, hoping to keep her
quiet. After he pulled the cover over Bubbles, Ann wheeled the baby carriage to the front, while Adrian
tagged behind. The receptionist was a heavyset nurse with the nametag of Matilda.
“I need to see a Larry Laborite,” responded Adrian, showing her his minister’s license from the
Universal Life Church and having his burning bush with the rose exposed for her viewing. “I need to
“She better be,” said Adrian. “I mean, perhaps on the way out.”
Ann wheeled the baby carriage to the elevator and Adrian followed behind. Bubbles opened the flap
slightly, just enough to see through the left side. A pretty brunette nurse appeared in sight and she
reached out her arm quickly and pinched the nurse’s butt. She quickly pulled her arm in before the
nurse turned around and spotted Adrian pulling up the rear. The nurse walked over and slapped him in
the face.
“You know damn well what that’s for,” said the nurse, a bit red-faced. “And you being a married
man with a wife and kid. And girl, you better tell your man to quit pinching other ladies rears.”
The nurse walked away and Ann gave Adrian a surprised look.
“I don’t know, but I have a theory,” replied Adrian. “The monkey is too quiet and that usually means
trouble.”
He opened the baby carriage and Adrian saw that Bubbles seemed asleep. They both walked into the
elevator and Ann pressed the third floor. A pretty blond nurse was also in the elevator and Bubbles
again opened the carriage flap, put out her arm and pinched the nurse’s butt before quickly retracting
her arm. The nurse looked around and saw Adrian. She took out a pen and paper and wrote something
down. As the elevator approached the third floor and the door opened, she put the note in Adrian’s
pocket.
Adrian took out the note, opened it up and noticed the name June, along with a phone number. He
gave Ann the note and opened the baby carriage top, only to notice Bubbles appearing to be sound
asleep.
“I honestly don’t know what’s happening and I really don’t understand these nurses,” said Adrian.
“I’m completely puzzled, and I know you too well to pinch women
They entered the room and Ann was a bit unsettled upon seeing a coma patient. She took out a
handkerchief and started wiping the sweat dripping from her brow. Adrian, who had been in a coma
himself once, was rather calm and collected. Bubbles was now awake; she pulled the baby carriage top
down and put her hand on Ann’s arm. Ann smiled and her composure started returning.
“I need to go inside and find his soul. This will be new for me, since I don’t know how to find
anyone lost in the dream time,” said Adrian. “The landscape of the dreamtime can be colored by a
person’s thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to tell what type of person Tiny is.”
“Ok,” replied Ann, smiling at Bubbles and Adrian. “See what you can do and us girls will keep
watch.
Ann closed the door and Adrian went over and hugged Bubbles, who surprised him by returning the
hug. Adrian surprised himself, as he leaned over and kissed Ann. When he realized what happened, he
was ready to apologize. Before he could utter another word, Ann surprised him by kissing him back.
“Neither do I,” replied Ann, smiling at him. “Now get back to the task at hand.” “Then you don’t
Ann saw a lose flap on the baby carriage, walked over and lifted it up, only to uncover the extra
loose padding. She turned around and wiggled her index finger, signaling Adrian to come over. Adrian
looked at the flap, then at Bubbles, who was glancing at them both with an innocent, baby-faced look.
“Give you five minutes in a nuclear silo and you will trigger World War Three,” responded Adrian,
He then sat in a chair, preparing to enter the dreamtime. He relaxed his face and focused on the dial
and gadgets attached to Larry’s motionless body. Adrian’s mind drifted back to their first meeting,
when Doc had asked him to heal Larry after the bartender had shot Larry. Now he was being called to
take the healing one step further and bring Larry back to the land of the living.
Amazing Maze
Adrian entered the dreamtime, with his mind focused upon Larry. The first sight he noticed was a
maze that reminded him of a medieval puzzle. There was one circular entrance, with bushes reaching
several feet over his head. An image flashed in his mind: This maze must be followed and conquered to
find Tiny. Without a second thought, he stepped into the maze’s main entrance. In reality, he was
entering the dreamtime, a world coexisting with physical reality, but the landscape was currently
Adrian followed the main entrance for a while before he encountered a fork, each containing another
maze entrance. He could only go to the right or left, for when he turned around, the trail back was
covered with bushes. His first thought was this was new territory, and now he could get lost. But
Adrian had a compassionate side and wanted to help – regardless of the cost.
“This is the maze of Tiny’s subconscious, projected into the dreamtime, and the choices he made
represent the various maze directions,” replied a voice within the maze.
“Is that you Coyote?” asked Adrian, but know one answered.
Adrian took a step towards the right and immediately a horrible noise sounded. Ah! No! A Nay! Nay!
Ah! No! A Nay! Nay! He then turned toward the left and heard a pleasant sound. Chirp! Chirp!
Tweet! Tweet! Adrian then realized that Coyote, in his own tricky way, was guiding him through
Tiny’s subconscious.
Adrian continued to walk the pathway, unfettered by the dark. He noticed a swarm of dark, circular
dots coming toward him. At first, he was unaffected but they started to cluster and choke his soul. He
swatted a bug and heard the sound shit. Another one swarmed toward him, which he swatted and heard
the word murder. These bugs must be Tiny’s thoughts and they are all the dark and terrible deeds he
contemplated or carried out. He started moving his hands and noticed his body looked like his
shadow but was composed of light. I must have a body made of light that I use in the dreamtime.
Adrian felt the black dots stinging him like mosquitoes, and he was helpless to stir them away. When
he felt himself being overwhelmed, he heard what sounded like a maiden singing. The maiden’s
singing caused the dots to buzz around Adrian, like the rats in the piped piper. As Adrian put his ear
The words were being butchered and he recognized it as a medieval folk tune talking about the
virtues of a lovely maiden, with the voice as belonging to Coyote and realized, in his own crazy and
tricky way, Coyote was helping the thoughts to hypnotize them, if such a thing were possible. Now his
chief task was following the maze until he came to a branch with three directions. Now what should I
He entered the first maze and a sound like a big fart echoed all around him. Next he was subjected
to a horrible smell and backed up to the entrance. I guess that is not the way to go. The next one he
entered didn’t bring an immediate sound but then he heard a big belch and it started hiccupping. Again
Adrian backed out and was overcome with a horrible smell. The last entrance was his only choice. He
entered the last maze and heard a canary singing. Wait a minute. This is not Coyote this time. I
actually perceive the real nature of these mazes via intuition, and the light is a small ray of redeeming
Adrian kept going though the maze passageway and entered the path. He felt himself approaching
something very dark, like a pool of oil. The light was fading from his light body and he felt the thick,
black substance sinking him deeper and deeper. He asked himself what had he gotten stuck in and a
thought struck him. This is the dark essence of what was Tiny’s path of crime. As soon as the thought
struck him, he was infused with another one. This darkness may do me in? As he continued to sink,
but in his mind he created a lasso of light, and threw it around a rock form ahead. I didn’t know I could
do this.
“See what I did, Coyote. I guess I should now tie it around me?”
“Tie it around your ass, for all I care – just move it.”
Adrian tied the lasso around him and the lasso started pulled him out, until finally he was free of the
black pool of filth. As soon as his feet were solidly planted, the lasso vanished as he continued to
follow the trail, until he came to a fork with four branches. He started through the fourth one, only to
hear a lion roar. Adrian backed up and entered the second gate, only to hear a snake hiss. He then tried
the third one, only to hear an alligator chomping on some food. Finally, he entered the first one and
heard a hummingbird. Deciding that this gate was probably the one, he continued to walk forward,
fading; causing a sinking thought stuck him. I’m nearing the end of this trail and Coyote will allow me
to continue alone. He continued walking until he reached the maze end and was confronted by a door.
Only one emerged from the experience with knowledge and awareness.
Adrian couldn’t believe the words. Then his mind started filling up with thoughts. I only have one in
four chances of getting the right outcome. Here I am and I don’t know what apostate is. Maybe it is a
PO state or a post office distribution center. What is a post office distribution center doing here? I am
sure it is better then dying or going mad. What should I do now? I have a life to save and I can’t
worry about the aftermath. Maybe I should sing that Coyote song.
Adrian listened to his own-butchered singing, fading in the background. He took another step,
opened the door and stepped inside – only to wish he kept the door closed in the first place, so he
Inside the room, Adrian saw several brown, clay figures, molded in the shape of a five foot six
man, yet with no distinguishing colors, other then brown, moving around without talking. Some were
busy with mechanical tasks, like picking up bundles of paper, sweeping the floors, or just hitting others.
Adrian thought this was some silent creature feature movie and he was the minority race. Imagine
being the only person in a land of monsters, he thought. It reminds me of Frankenstein fights the wolf
“I say,” said a voice in the distance. “You look lost and wanting some popcorn.”
Adrian turned around, expecting to see the Coyote. He was surprised to spot Rumi, who was sitting
“How did you get here – and what are these things?” asked Adrian.
“You sent a mental cry for help and I came, for these things are called golems.”
“And what are golems?” asked Adrian. “Extras for the monster movies?”
“The Jewish mystics created them with letters from the Hebrew alphabet. Unfortunately, when they
killed them off, their essence landed in the dreamtime. Tiny, being a Jewish biker with many bad
“Come now,” said Rumi. “We just need to find him and bring him back.”
As they walked around, Adrian noticed many golems running carnival acts, just like at the carnivals
he experienced as a kid. The first act he watched was an acrobatic act, where the golems stood on top
of each other’s backs. The formation reminded him of a pyramid, with four in row one, three in row
two, and two is row three and one at the top. One of the bottom row golem’s sneezed, and the whole
structure collapsed.
“Oh, I get it,” said Adrian. “The bottom golem sneezed a bit and his partners had no place to sit.”
The next act was a knife-throwing act, where one golem handed another golem a knife and he threw
it at a blindfolded target. Adrian noticed something different about the target, for instead of being the
brown like golems, it looked like a human silhouette and it was squirming to avoid the knives. Adrian
watched as the first two knives were thrown and neither one hit the target. The golem positioned the
Rumi tapped the golem handling the knives on the shoulder and pointed to the knives. The golem,
mistaking Rumi’s tapping for a desire to participate in the game, allowed him to examine the knives.
He took his time, trying to find the perfect knife to throw, thereby allowing Adrian to sneak around and
“Same,” replied Adrian, untying Tiny from his makeshift prison. “We can make hoodoo or do
As soon as Tiny was untied, the golems turned their focus from Rumi examining knifes, unto
Adrian and Tiny, trying to sneak away. A crowd of a dozen golems started chasing Adrian and Tiny,
who circled around to meet Rumi running toward them. With the golems closing in, the men passed a
sign saying house of mirrors and hid inside. The golems entered the House of Mirrors and their
reflections became distorted. One had a fat body, the other a thin one, a third had a midget shape, and
a fourth an elongated body. Every golem was busy admiring their reflections, giving the trio time to
“Ah!” replied Rumi. “They will think they are seeing their own reflections.”
A golem came over to Adrian and he responded by imitating its movements. First it rubbed its
head, so he responded with head rubbing. The next set of movements included moving the arms and
lets in alternating up and down movements. A second golem went over to Rumi’s mirror frame and
started clapping its hands, which invoked a similar response in Rumi. The golem, pleased, started
jumping up and down and Rumi followed suit. A final golem came over to Tiny and pretended to kiss
his reflection. Tiny, thinking it was a male golem, punched it in the nose and it fell backwards.
Adrian looked around and saw the carnival background, and his mind was filled with childhood
images of riding the merry-go-round, and these thoughts prompted his next question. “Why is this
“The golems extracted the image from Tiny’s brain,” replied Rumi. “It was probably the last thought
Adrian came on a set of boats with oars, a tunnel, and a sign reading Tunnel of Love. Adrian and
“No way!” said Tiny. “I’m not joining a bunch of guys in the Tunnel of Love.”
“Fine!” said Rumi, starting to push the boat away, “either party in the Tunnel of Love with the good
It didn’t take long for Tiny to weigh his options. He pushed the boat off and the three rode the
currents, entering the tunnel, only to be followed by a boat of six golems. Rumi keep looking forward
while Adrian and Tiny looked behind, trying to see the outline of golems in an enclave of darkness. All
they spotted were red, glowing eyes, which lit up in the dark tunnel. The golem boat looked like an
“Great!” said Tiny, “now we’re being chased by Merlin’s pet dragon.”
“Or a twelve eyed Lovecraft reject,” replied Adrian, trying to alleviate tensions.
“Oh, grandma, what big eyes you have,” responding Rumi, causing the other two to bellow out in
laughter.
There was a light in the horizon and Adrian’s started wondering. Here I am, being chased by the
twelve-eyed, Lovecraft reject. Here I come to find Tiny’s soul, save him from his coma state, and where
do I end up? Tracking through a goofy maze of perverted thoughts and darkness, only to end up in a
carnival of golems – misfits created by some Jewish mystics with too much time on their hands. And
how do we find our way back? It’s not like the golems have a road map they can loan us. As they
“Do you hear that horrible singing?” asked Tiny, as they reached shore.
“It’s Adrian’s friend,” said Rumi. “He’s singing our way out. Follow that voice.”
The three got out of the boat and started running toward the voice, followed by the golems.
The three came upon two doors, with the golems seconds behind, with Adrian noticing one door
said highway and the other said low way.
“I got it!” said Rumi, jumping though the door labeled low way.
“Well!” Said Adrian, pushing Tiny through and following behind, as Adrian noticed the door sealed
itself from the golems followed. “You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out our ticket home,
The next feel seconds found Adrian drifting with Tiny through streams of light. Tiny arrived back
into his coma body shell and Adrian opened his eyes, only to see Ann, Bubbles and all the monitors
lighting up on Tiny’s bed. Adrian felt tired and looked into Ann’s eyes.
“It looks like you succeeded,” said Ann. “What was it like?”
“Mazes, carnivals and golems,” responded Adrian, putting his arm in Ann’s and looking into the baby
The nurse came in as the couple, together with their unusual baby, made their way to the elevator.
Once outside, they went over to Ann’s car and she started it up. Adrian held Bubbles and sat in the
passenger seat, while Ann opened a Tootsie Roll, passing one to Adrian
“Well, it’s a long story. In the dreamtime, Tiny’s dark past and history manifested itself as a maze.
Coyote helped me through, but Tiny’s soul is really Jewish. He got lost in some realm where golems,
creatures created by Jewish mystics, held him captive. Tiny’s mind turned dreamtime into a carnival,
but I was able to save him, with some help from Rumi and Coyote.”
“Sounds complicated,” said Ann. “Let’s save it to later and get back to Doc’s place.”
Ann, Adrian and Bubbles arrived at Doc’s place and Doc met them at the door. He was smoking a
big, stinky cigar and had a bottle of beer by the sofa. He closed the door, put the stinky stogie in the
ashtray, which had a picture of Freud inside the tray. The radio was playing blues music, filling the
“Wonderful,” responded Doc. “Tiny can skip the milk but he needs plenty of honey to keep him
going.”
The living room, where everyone was seated on sofas and chairs, had a staircase leading to the
bedrooms. Ann was blushing a bit and Adrian himself was a little embarrassed at Doc’s crudeness,
while Bubbles was resting in Adrian’s arms, pretending to be Rip Van Winkle. A squawk caused
Bubbles to jump up and everyone to look into the adjacent room, wherein Doc walked into the kitchen,
“Needs honey to keep him going. Here, honey!” squawked the parrot.
“Doc?” responded Ann, looking over at the parrot and cage. “Where did you get that?”
“Him?” Asked Doc. “I played cards with Curly Ouster, trying to get some information. He lost and
couldn’t pay in cash, so I ended up with this stupid parrot named Polly Morphine.”
Doc opened the cage to let Polly Morphine fly around. The parrot, used to freedom in a bar setting
and not accustomed to being a caged bird, flew around the room and landed on the ceiling fan.
Bubbles with a new arrival to get into trouble with, jumped from Adrian’s arms and climbed up the
“Great,” said Doc. “Now we have Laurel and Hardy doing a trapeze act.”
“Laurel and Hardy,” repeated the parrot, bobbing his head up and down. Bubbles was swinging with
her left hand, trying to grab the parrot with her right hand. Doc poured a shot of whiskey, as he
pondered how to subdue the pets. Adrian and Ann were trying to coax the monkey and parrot down,
with Adrian whistling and Ann yelling, “Here Bubbles, nice girl!”
Bubbles, now swinging on the chandelier with her legs, was blowing a kiss to the bird. With every
swing, she blew a kiss and Polly Morphine, trying to return the kiss, kept bobbing his head and yelling
“pretty bird.” Adrian and Ann kept whistling and Doc grabbed a broom and used it to coax the parrot
from the ceiling fan. His right hand held the drink and the left hand held the broom, as he moved the
In the next few seconds, events happened so fast that none of the humans had time to react. Polly
Morphine flew from the ceiling fan, out the open door and flying up the second floor stairway.
Bubbles, enchanted by her new friend, swung from the chandelier, onto the bookcase, climbed down to
the floor and started running up the staircase also before any human could stop her. Doc, frustrated by
the chain of events, echoed oh shit, only to have it echoed back to him from the second floor balcony
by the parrot.
“Those two are about as useful as ice cube salesmen on the Titanic,” replied Doc. “You two go
upstairs and try to capture Jessie and Frank James, while I stand guard down here, in case they try to
escape.”
“Well, Calamity Jane,” responded Adrian, “would you like to escort Billy the Kid in rounding up
these desperadoes?”
“First they give me Laurel and Hardy and now I’m sending Abbot and Costello to capture them,”
retorted Doc, putting the broom aside and drinking another sip of whiskey.
A minute or two passed before Adrian and Ann walked up the stairway, with Adrian taking the
lead. He saw globs of shaving cream decorating the walls and he thought Picasso had come back to
decorate Doc’s townhouse. Ann quietly stayed behind Adrian’s back, waiting for a surprise. Adrian
heard a parrot squawking and a monkey sound. He turned his eyes toward the right, only to see an
empty shaving cream top, Polly Morphine flying away, and Bubbles trying to squirt the bird with the
cream.
“I have a mess I need to clean,” said Ann, as she pushed Adrian’s shoulder. “Sir Galahad will return
Adrian walked into the guest bedroom where he normally slept and found a whole bunch of feathers
on the floor. Did Bubbles try to kill the bird? She can’t be a cold-blooded killer. When he glanced
into the room, he noticed Bubbles tearing apart a pillow and throwing it at the parrot. Polly Morphine
kept flying around and was shouting a stooge phase he remembered from his barroom days, “Woo!
Woo! Woo!”
“What happened?” shouted Doc. “Did Curly Stooge join the party?”
“Woo! Woo! Woo!” squawked Polly Morphine, as he flew away from Adrian’s reach. Adrian tried
to grab Bubbles, but she jumped away and started laughing. Every time he tried reaching the parrot, it
flew away and shouted, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” Only the monkey laughter competed with the parrot
sounds. Adrian was drifting into his own thoughts. I wonder what Elmer Fudd would do in a chase
like this? Would he just grab a goofy shotgun and try to shoot them both? Yes! Of course!
“Hey, Adrian,” shouted Doc. “Quit watching The Stooges and catch the bird and monkey.”
“But Doc! Never mind,” shouted Adrian, shutting the bedroom door. “I need a can of nuts, a box of
crackers, a plastic bucket, a stick, some string and that Indian monkey vase you have.”
“I think he has an idea,” said Ann, busy cleaning up mess. Doc brought the requested items and they
laid them on the top stairs, before returning downstairs for another whiskey. Adrian opened the nut can
and tossed the nuts on the floor, before he slid the nuts into the vase and turned it on its side. He then
opened the crackers and put a bunch under the bucket, after propping it up with a stick attached to a
few feet of string. The remaining crackers he scattered around the bucket.
“You remind me of Rube Goldberg going out on a toot and coming back with a brainstorm,” said
He went over to the bedroom door and opened it, before going into the bathroom and Ann and Doc
followed him. Polly Morphine flew from the bedroom to the floor, and started munching on the
crackers, and walked over to the bucket. Adrian waited until the parrot came under the bucket and
pulled the string, causing the bucket to fall over Polly Morphine, the parrot to squawk and Bubbles to
laugh. She looked at the vase and smelled the nuts inside the vase. Reaching inside the vase, Bubbles
grabbed the nuts and Adrian came over by her. Rather then release her hand, which was stuck in the
vase, she kept it tight around the nuts and couldn’t move her hand away.
“Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,” said Doc. “How did you ever dream that idea up?”
“I saw it on a PBS program once,” said Adrian. “Now we can get the bird back in his cage and
Doc grabbed some gloves and put the parrot back in the cage, while Ann picked up Bubbles and
pointed to the mess of shaving cream. Adrian, aware of the mischief the animals could cause, wanted
to rest a spell. He went down and turned on the television and flipped on the animal channel.
“Fight the dragon? Climb Mount Everest? Play the role of Superman?”
“No, kid,” said Doc. “Teach the monkey and bird to get along.”
The Mad Dogs clubhouse was having a meeting on criminal activities with Scorpion directing
the planning and Igor, Moose, and Mojo eagerly awaiting the action plan. Earlier in the day, Scorpion
had directed two other teams to plan hits. One was designed to blow up the Gladiators’ clubhouse and
the second to steal some Gladiator funds held in an old warehouse. Now one more plan needed to
unfold.
“We will strike deep into the Gladiator territory,” said Scorpion. “Now we need to flush out this
Scorpion, like the others in the room, believed Coyote was a criminal kingpin hidden in the
“But boss,” said Moose, chewing a big slice of pizza. “This Coyote dude and Adrian are dangerous.
“Which is why my plan is perfect. We kidnap his girlfriend Ann and set a trap for them.”
“How do we get past Doc and Adrian?” asked Igor. “Doc is a sharpshooter and Adrian is a martial
arts expert. And Coyote, boss…we’ve never seen, and is extremely clever.”
Moose walked over to the corner bar and picked out the decoy. Some of the club members liked to
hunt duck and moose, and there was a spare duck decoy kept there for nostalgia’s sake. He held the
decoy up. The action caused him to cut a big fart, which promptly stunk up the room. Fortunately, the
“I assume,” sneered Scorpion, “that you intend to take Doc and Adrian duck hunting and stink them
to death?”
“Hell, no,” yelled Moose. “I intended to bring a decoy to reinforce your point.”
Mojo and Igor were busy crunching on peanuts and pretzels, washed down with a flat American
brew. While Moose was chewing on another pizza slice and drinking a beer, Scorpion brought out a
blackboard and a piece of chalk. He drew a picture of Ann in one area and Adrian and Doc in another
by filling in stick figures with names. Meanwhile, Moose let out another big gasser.
Doc and Adrian to take a wild…*crunch*…goose chase and give…*crunch*…Ann…a simple task to
do.”
“You boys got the manners of a bunch of pigs,” said Scorpion, without taking his eyes off the
blackboard.
“I got it,” replied Scorpion. “We send Doc a note to arrange a truce and Adrian must accompany him.
We arrange it when he takes that parrot for a checkup. Doc doesn’t want to cancel, because it takes too
long to reschedule.”
“How do you know about the parrot’s checkup?” asked Mojo. Then he remembered that one of the
bikers’ old ladies was a receptionist at Harry Horseneck, the only veterinarian for miles. “Oh,’ he
The time of the appointment was 2 PM and they needed to send Doc and Adrian on a wild goose
chase. Scorpion drew route diagrams from Doc’s place to the vet’s and marked certain sections with an
“Should we bring the parrot back with us?” asked Igor. “What if she brings the monkey?”
“The parrot, monkey, and Ann all receive royal treatment,” yelled Scorpion. “They are not to be
“But boss,” yelled Moose. “That monkey made a monkey out of me during our last encounter.”
“That monkey thinks you’re her father,” sneered Scorpion, cranking a faint smile.
“Gee, thanks,” replied Moose. “Now I know why she’s so rebellious around me.”
Igor was appointed to lead the operation and ensure Mojo and Moose didn’t screw up anything.
Before they could start, they needed a game plan to corner Ann, lead Adrian and Doc on a wild goose
chase, and discover what Coyote’s plan was. Scorpion would lead another plan to destroy the
Gladiators clubhouse while Vulture would lead a party to rob the Gladiator funds. Each was precisely
planned and Scorpion broke out a whiskey bottle to toast the plans.
“Get the hell out of here,” said Scorpion.
As the men exited, Moose turned and whispered to Mojo, “what movie should we see?”
Mojo just shook his head and replied, “Gone with the Wind.”
The next morning, Ann stopped by Doc’s place to visit Adrian, since it was Saturday. Rumi had
come to stay with Doc for a few days, so he could teach Adrian about spiritual topics. This afternoon,
Doc planned on taking the parrot for his checkup and had Adrian accompany him. Bubbles was
playing with an erector set and Polly Morphine was admiring his image via the cage mirror.
“So, Rumi,” said Ann. “You said Buddha Poonapepper, Qutub Qadmon and Iris Siren are the last
true Rosisufists?”
“Other than myself and Adrian, who is an honorary member, besides being the resident shaman,”
responded Rumi. “Many groups hang a shingle out that says Rosisufist, but we’re the real McCoys.”
The doorbell rang and Doc, after first looking through the one-way peephole, opened the door. The
UPS man, who stood there clutching what looked like an overnight letter, said, “Are you Doc
Holliday?”
Doc signed for the overnight letter. While Rumi was talking to Ann and Adrian, Doc opened the
letter and Adrian noticed his face stood stoic for a moment or two. Rumi, Adrian and Ann looked at
Doc.
“Read this,” said Doc, passing around the brief letter, which Adrian reviewed.
It is time to talk a truce, so Doc and Adrian should meet me at Falcon Pass at 2 today, and I promise
no violence. Scorpion.
“What do you make of this?” asked Adrian.
“He has his seal there, so it is real. I think we should go,” said Doc.
“ I think this may be dangerous. What about the bird appointment? Who will…Oh,” said Ann,
“If you take Polly Morphine and Bubbles with you,” said Doc to Ann, “I will go with Adrian.”
“Let me watch the home front, Doc, while you go with Adrian,” said Rumi.
“Rumi recommended a good acupuncturist and homeopath living in town. He’s helping him make
“I need some tea to calm my nerves,” replied Ann, still not sure what to make of Rumi, Adrian or
Coyote.
Adrian brewed some green tea and brought a teakettle brimming with a fresh batch, including
lemon for Rumi, sugar substitute for himself, sugar for Ann, and a shot of whiskey for Doc, which he
needed to make the green tea taste palatable. Bubbles got some milk and a banana, while Polly
“Is the tea getting any better?” asked Adrian, looking at Doc.
“It still looks like the Jolly Green Giant took a piss and tastes about as good,” replied Doc. “If you
Doc opened a local map and studied the terrain, looking for spots where people could hide out,
trying to uncover what Scorpion was up to and find a way to circumvent any disaster. Ann held
Bubbles, while Adrian talked to Rumi, and Polly Morphine admired her mirror image, while Doc lips
“We can go up the canyon pass and see what they are doing before meeting them,” said Doc.
“I trust you think it’s still safe,” said Ann, a bit concerned over the new chain of developments.
trucking, so she grabbed Bubbles in her left hand, while Rumi grabbed the parrot and escorted it to
Ann’s car. She put the bird in the back seat and watched Doc and Adrian get in Doc’s truck.
Ann’s Volkswagen left the driveway and Bubbles was busy waving goodbye kisses to everyone,
prompting a stop at a Burger King to order a large coffee and waited for the loudspeaker to tell her to
“Can I take your order please?” squawked Polly Morphine, causing Bubbles to start laughing.
“It’s not me,” said Ann, “I have a parrot and monkey accompanying me.”
“It’s quite understandable,” said the loudspeaker. “My roommate behaves like a parrot and my
With the payment window open, Ann threw down a dollar and grabbed a large black coffee. The
customary “thank you” had Polly Morphine squawk, “Thank you, and thank you,” while bobbing his
She continued her drive and finally reached the vet office parking lot. A couple of gentlemen in
uniform approached the car and Bubbles started jumping up and down and howled.
“We are the valet parkers,” said Moose, talking to Ann from the driver side window. Bubbles shook
her fist at the large man, whom she recognized from her previous encounter. Ann opened the door to
allow the man access to the car, only to feel something that felt like a stick pressed against her back by
“You guys are not valet parkers,” said Ann, who thought she felt a gun. “You’re bikers, so what do
“We need to talk to Adrian and Coyote,” said Mojo, still pointing the gun at Ann. “Work with us and
no harm will befall you or the animals.”
Ann’s options were limited. Her psychological training and dealing with difficult patients over the
years gave her a calm perspective on things. Since her goal now was to stay alive and find out more
about the kidnappers, she allowed her rational mind to keep a cool lid on the situation.
“We go for a ride and you stay with us a while. We then set up a meeting with Adrian, Doc, and
“Who do you think Coyote is, given I never met him?” asked Ann.
“He’s the big kingfish carving new crime areas and Adrian is his hit man,” blurted out Moose.
“Oh,” said Ann, realizing that the crooks thought Coyote was a criminal.
Igor, careful to ensure everything was going smoothly, grabbed Polly Morphine and had Ann carry
Bubbles, while Moose parked Ann’s car. Next they directed Ann and Bubbles into a limo. Mojo rode
in the back seat while Moose sat on the passenger side and Polly Morphine perched in back, while Igor
The limo drove along wooded back roads, while Ann noted the terrain and started formulating plans
for staying alive, and how she, a psychologist, could get inside their heads when necessary. The
animals were calm, partly due to Ann’s cool demeanor and the crooks’ relaxed mannerisms.
The drive lasted about a half hour before they pulled up into an isolated farmhouse. There was a two
story, older ranch house and an old barn, which was freshly painted. One of the bikers had inherited it
from his grandfather and it was used chiefly for bike repair and parties. Today it would function as
Hostage Hostel and Ann would be the first guest, followed by the animals. The limo drove into the
driveway and Igor opened his door and waited for the bikers and hostages to exit.
“Here’s the plan,” said Igor. “I escort Ann to her quarters and you boys take the animals into the barn
and exercise them, so they won’t be so frisky. Remember to close all the doors and don’t harm the
animals.”
“It’s a cake walk,” responded Mojo, who carried Bubbles while Moose got the bird and heavy
equipment.
Igor and Ann went to the house while Mojo, Moose, and the animals went to the barn. Mojo set the
monkey down while Moose closed the doors and positioned the birdcage on the rafters. Bubbles sat
like the rock of Gibraltar while Polly Morphine appeared to be a taxidermy model. The boys,
remembering the instructions to exercise the animals, just looked at each other.
“Come on, you dumb son of a bitches,” screamed Moose, “exercise and enjoy yourselves.”
“You’re supposed to use psychology,” responded Mojo. “Give them some positive reinforcement.”
“If you animals exercise, I won’t beat your brains in,” said Moose, attempting to use positive
reinforcement.
“What do you suppose the animals want?” asked Mojo, scratching his head.
Bubbles face elicited a slight smile and pointed to the cage, prompting Moose to think she wanted to
play with the birdcage and took it from the rafters and handed it to Bubbles, who pretended to cry, like
she needed attention, prompting Mojo to pick her up and notice that he actually liked the monkey.
“What’s she trying to tell us?” asked Mojo. “Ah! I know! We should let the bird out of its cage to
fly.”
Bubbles, smiling and jumping up and down, signaled to Mojo and Moose she wanted to play with
Polly Morphine. Mojo opened the cage and the parrot, recognizing its chance at freedom, flew out of
the cage and up to the rafters. Immediately Bubbles, spotting a ladder leading to the rafters, took off
like Flash pursuing the Road Runner. Before Moose could react, Bubbles was on top of the rafters
laughing while the parrot said, pretty bird. Moose grabbed a shotgun and pointed it a Bubbles.
“I’ll bring you down, you damn…,” said Moose, when he felt Mojo pushing the gun away.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” asked Mojo, his hand on the shotgun.
“Scorpion and Igor said not to kill them – besides the gun shot may arouse suspicion.”
“So how do we get them down?” asked Moose.
“We outsmart them. You go into the kitchen and get some crackers and bananas. Remember the net
and chloroform we brought? While the monkey are parrot are eating, you cast the net over the bird,
Moose walked toward the kitchen to retrieve the bananas and crackers. Upstairs, he heard Ann
talking to Igor, who had become a patient exposing his soul to a shrink, but Igor couldn’t make out the
words. He left the kitchen and returned to the barn, only to unpeel the banana and put it on top of the
hay. Next he opened the crackers and scattered them over the hay around the banana. Mojo grabbed
the ether and a cotton gauze pad, while Moose grabbed the net.
While the two men hid behind some hay bails, Polly Morphine flew down and started eating the
crackers. Bubbles saw the banana and quickly climbed down the ladder to grab it. While the animals
were busy eating, Mojo snuck around with his chloroform soaked cloth and Moose snuck up with the
net. The parrot flew on top of Mojo’s head, and Moose aimed the net. Bubbles did a forward roll,
causing Mojo to trip and his right hand containing the cloth landed on Moose’s face, while the net
became tangled around Mojo’s body. The chloroform took effect immediately, so Moose fell
backwards onto the hay. While Mojo was struggling with the net, Bubbles started running around
“Shit!” said Mojo, noticing that Moose was out cold and the more he struggled, the worse he was
Each time he tried to break it, the ropes became tighter. He tried to awake Moose with his right foot,
but the big lug was in slumber land. Bubbles just watched silently while Polly Morphine repeated,
“pretty bird” and bobbed his head. Mojo was able to reach into his pants pocket and grab his
pocketknife. For the next several minutes, he cut the strings while Moose passed the hours in slumber
and the animals enjoyed running and flying around the barn.
Head them off at the pass
Adrian and Doc were taking a shortcut to Falcon Pass, using the woods as cover. They planned to
scout and see how many bikers were waiting to meet them and obtain an element of surprise.
Unfortunately, something in the bushes or the air was having an adverse effect upon Adrian and causing
him to sneeze.
“How can we sneak up on the bad guys if you act like the hay fever commercial?” asked Doc.
“I can’t help it,” said Adrian. “No matter what I try, there is something here making me—ah choo –
sorry.”
Doc took the lead with Adrian slowly walking behind him. The bushes needed to be parted and
Adrian kept getting them slammed into his face. His thoughts drifted into a Three Stooges episode. I
remember when the Stooges were going after Indians. Every time Curly and Larry pushed a bush, Moe
kept getting hit in the face. At least, I think it was Moe. He’s always getting the brunt of these
misguided efforts. Gee, I’m hungry. I wonder if you can eat these berries? They’re probably
“Ah choo!” Adrian had been trying to hold his sneeze by putting pressure on his nose with two fingers
“Pretend I’m James Bond and you’re my assistant,” said Doc, stepping his way through the bushes.
“You mean Q?” asked Adrian. “If he were here, he could tell me how to stop from sneezing or give
me a gadget.”
“Not if I can’t focus and right now, I am thinking about this truce,” responded Adrian.
They continued to walk through the forest until they reached a clearing. Doc motioned for Adrian to
hit the deck. Both crawled upon their hands and knees for the next five minutes or so. From the
ground position, Adrian was not in contact with the bushes and his sneezing subsided.
Doc finally reached an overhead spot and he took out his binoculars, and he looked down into the
valley. Scorpion, Moose and Mojo hidden behind a cluster of bushes, and Doc watched for about five
minutes, and the men didn’t move or talk. The men appeared to be looking at the bridge, waiting for
Doc and Adrian to show up. Doc handed the binoculars to Adrian, who watched the men for a couple
“They look like they’re waiting for us, but they’re as still as duck hunters,” replied Adrian.
“I’ll bet they thought they could fool Doc Holliday, but little did they know.”
“We sneak up on them and I pull my guns. This way, we talk on my terms.”
They traveled over various rocks, as the two kept getting closer to the three bad guys. Since there
were no bushes, Adrian didn’t have to sneeze, so he felt much better. When he was about a half mile
from the three men, Adrian was again on his stomach following Doc’s lead. Doc watched the men
He snuck up on the bad guys with Adrian right behind them. When he got to the thicket of bushes
“What’s happening?” asked Adrian, quickly running to Doc and believing everything was under
control. Doc pulled out his gun, and kicked Scorpion from behind, only to watch him fall over.
The dummies were dressed in biker outfits, with hair and clothes added to make them look like
“Rumi,” replied Doc. “They set us up, and we been stalking dummies.”
“Open and it and read it to me,” said Doc, putting the phone on speaker mode.
“Oh, dear,” said Rumi. “It says by the time you receive this letter, Ann and the animals will be our
“What?” asked Adrian, getting a bit excited. “They kidnapped Ann, along with Bubbles and Polly
“They’ll be safe as long as they haven’t talked to Coyote yet,” replied Doc. “I think we need to get
back and think this through. Don’t you think so, Rumi?”
“In the meantime, I’ll call Tiny and have the boys start digging around,” said Doc.
The next few minutes Adrian spent in silence, wondering what to do. I need to have Ann and the
animals come out of this safe and sound. Perhaps I need to wait until we talk about this some more. I
need to speak to Coyote. If anyone can help me with this mess, it’s that crazy dude.
“Hey, kid,” said Doc. “We can’t do anything now. Let’s get back so we can talk to Rumi and Tiny.”
Chili Beanie
When Adrian and Doc arrived back home, they briefed Rumi about what happened, and Doc in turn
called Tiny to discuss the situation. Tiny’s men were killed in an explosion, and a robbery that netted a
substantial portion of cash and valuables and killed Gladiator guards. A police investigation was being
conducted but Doc and Tiny knew that Sheriff Gomer Grant, who was on the Mad Dog payroll, would
“Can you get any psychic impressions?” asked Adrian, looking in Rumi’s direction.
Rumi stood silently a few moments before responding. “I get the impression that Ann and the
animals are safe and are being treated well. I don’t get any impressions of their location.”
Doc went into the kitchen phone Tiny and Rumi went to the living room for a telemental
conference call with the Rosisufists, and Adrian went into the upstairs bedroom to talk to Coyote. He
closed his eyes and entered the dreamtime. He saw a fortune-telling booth with two seats and a dark
but luminous Coyote sitting on the main chair. Overhead, he saw the words Chili Beanie and the
“Have a seat, my good man,” said Coyote. “Can I read the bumps on your head?”
“You can’t fool me that easy,” said Adrian. “I’ve seen the Warner Brothers cartoons. If I say I have
“You’re getting too smart, kid,” replied Coyote. “In fact, you become more like me each day.”
“I’ll never be like you,” responded Adrian. “You don’t take life seriously.”
“But I do,” said Coyote. “I just supply a cosmic, comic twist. It’s like having a rum and Coke
without a lime.”
Before Adrian could respond to Coyote’s answer, he noticed cards spinning around of their own
accord, in front of Coyote. Each card had a picture of Coyote on the back and Adrian couldn’t see the
card’s face. When the cards completed their spin, a voice spoke in Adrian’s head and said pick one.
Adrian picked up the middle card and turned it over. On the face of the card was a man in a farmer’s
“Are you telling me to take up farming?” asked Adrian. “And why is this place called Chili Beanie…
“You get cleverer each day and do you remember which cartoon?” asked Coyote, smiling at Adrian.
“The one where he is doing some magic from the hat and says the words chili beanie,” responded
Adrian. “Wait a minute. You’re not telling me to take up farming but to look for a farm.”
Coyote flashed another set of cards Adrian’s way, and one card had a picture of a hat and another
contained a cornfield. Adrian tried to think the clues through. Should I buy a new hat? What about
the corn? Maybe I should eat some corn flakes in a hat. But he can’t mean to eat corn from a hat. I
know! I should put the two words together. Corn hat! Hat Corn. Both are sounding corny and who
ever heard of putting a whole field of corn in a hat. Ah! Of course! Hatfield.
“Close, but no cigar,” replied Coyote. “Maybe you should think in opposites.”
“Now you are talking in riddles and eluding me. Wait. Wasn’t there a big feud between the Hatfield’s
and McCoy’s?”
“Give the man a cigar,” said Coyote, and a lit cigar floated into Adrian’s mouth.
“Maybe you don’t mean feud, but field. So I need to find a farm run or owned by Hatfield,” replied
Before Adrian could ask further questions, Coyote kissed him on the forehead. Adrian felt his senses
come alive and flooded with sight, sound, and smell sensations, which he was picking up in his mind.
He felt Coyote fading from view and Adrian drifted through a spectrum of various light shades, only to
find himself back in his own body. He felt somehow he was different, he had a clue where Ann was,
and some newfound abilities. Standing over him was Rumi and Doc.
“Does the words farm and McCoy mean anything?” asked Adrian.
“Wait a minute. One of the Mad Dogs had an Uncle McCoy who left him a farm. That’s it.”
“Would you mind going in the other room, closing the door, and doing what I say?” asked Adrian.
He went into the kitchen and closed the door. Inside, he poured himself a glass of whiskey and lit a
cigar. Adrian focused on his third eye and pictured the glass pouring the whiskey, and the smell from
“Are you drinking Jack Daniels and smoking a Cuban?” asked Adrian.
“Say some phrase real softly,” said Adrian, talking loud enough for Doc to hear.
Doc, being hungry, picked up a can of tuna fish and opened it. He placed some hot pepper sauce on
top, followed by squeezing a lemon, sprinkling on black pepper, and adding a shot of vodka. Inside the
kitchen drawer he obtained a knife and fork and started mixing the tuna with the pepper uppers. With
fork drawn to his mouth, he ate the next three forks of tuna delight before whispering a phase.
“Piccadilly Prunes.”
“I see you are eating an interesting snack. Tuna fish sautéed with hot pepper sauce, black pepper,
lemon, and vodka. In addition, you expressed a desire for a pickled, dill prune.
Doc opened the kitchen door, hoping to find Adrian or Rumi looking through the keyhole. Instead,
both men were standing several yards away and couldn’t either see or hear what Doc said or did. He
carried the plate of tuna delight with him and was busy devouring it.
“Enhanced mystical senses, which are a gift from Coyote,” said Rumi.
Doc scratched his head and pondered for a moment, allowing a minute to pass before finishing the
“It’s a Mad Dog property and that’s probably where they are hiding Ann. You’re not thinking of
“I’m going to rescue Ann and the animals,” responded Adrian. “Otherwise, they will kill them when
“I think I can solve that problem,” replied Rumi. “Since you are an official Rosisufist, it’s time to
“This I got to see, after getting some data from Tiny,” said Doc. “It seems Ann and the animals were
taken in a limo by Moose, Mojo and Igor. We still need a plan, and I’m the man to craft it.”
Adrian turned around to see the TV and a man in white robes, and wearing a long beard and hair.
The other person he recognized as Oprah Winfrey, talking to some philosopher who said he could solve
the world’s problems. He listened to the question-and-answer session for about five minutes, trying to
correlate what the Zar, the interviewed philosopher, could help him address the current situation.
“I think we should just ad lib,” said Adrian, “and allow the mystic energies to do their thing, and
Midnight and no souls were stirring, not even a parrot or monkey. The corn, planted in the fields
surrounding the McCoy farm, could hide members of the NBA elite. Instead the corn was cover to the
Adrian was using his new mystic senses, picking up visions in his third eye, with Moose snoring and
cutting a fart, Bubbles giggling, Polly Morphine yelling, “Pretty Bird”, Mojo pacing back and forth,
Ann’s breathing, and Igor smoking a cigarette. He turned toward Doc and Rumi.
Doc pulled out a couple of hunter calls – one to bag ducks and another for turkeys. He handed
them to Adrian.
“You send a telepathic message to Rumi if you get in trouble. If you can’t, then sound the duck call.
Use the turkey call to flush out the kidnappers. Now let’s start this disappearing hocus pocus.”
Adrian repeated a mystic phrase Rumi shared with him. He remembered Rumi saying it must be
repeated every twenty minutes or he would be seen again. The mantra had a telepathic effect on human
minds and caused them not to notice the person. Shortly Adrian would disappear from Doc’s sight.
“I got my bird calls, and I’m ready to go,” said Adrian, disappearing into the corn.
“Sometimes the kid’s as sharp as Sam Spade and other times as befuddled as Jethro Bodine,” said
Rumi and Doc watched the corn moving in a fixed spot, like a blip dancing on the radar screen. But
Adrian’s mystic senses were focused and he could see shapes in the dark. Two were sitting on a
scarecrow and he noticed four pairs of crow eyes. The crows saw the corn moving and, taking a liking
to Adrian, flew down to investigate. Each one landed on Adrian’s shoulders and simultaneously
became Adrian’s shoulder ornaments. As Adrian kept walking through the cornfield, the crows were
As the crows kept up their midnight ride, Adrian reflected. I wonder if this ever happened to the
invisible man? Rumi teaches me this mystic phrase and what do I get? Two crows are hitching a ride
and not paying for the fare. How am I supposed to rescue anyone with these two varmints hanging
around? I suppose I should give them a name. I believe I’ll call them Hackle and Jackal. All right,
you goldbricks, you can catch a free ride. But if I need to swing into action, you fellows go join the
owls. How can you tell a female crow from a male crow? Hey! Maybe these birds are good omens,
Adrian reached the farmhouse and barn, but was still hidden in the cornfield. He heard Mojo snoring,
and saw Moose walking outside standing guard and Igor flipping cards in the kitchen. Inside, Bubbles
woke up and started laughing. The crows still on top of him, Adrian pulled out the turkey whistle and
started blowing out turkey calls. Moose looked around to where the invisible Adrian stood.
“Something doesn’t add up,” said Moose, looking at the crows. “I heard a turkey but see two crows.
I know a crow doesn’t sound like a turkey, unless they’re one of them genetic tinker birds those mad
Moose pulled out his gun, forcing Adrian to lie down flat but failing to shake the two crows. As he
lay in the corn, he felt the birds on his back and started thinking. These birds want a free ride and must
think I’m the wind or something. And Moose thinks I’m a genetic turkey crow or crow turkey,
depending on how you look at it. If only I could get scare these crows and… Adrian crawled over to
the scarecrow and cut some rope off with a Swiss army knife. He then crawled over to a big cornstalk
and pulled it toward himself. As Moose passed by with his flashlight and gun, Adrian let the cornstalk
fly forward and the corn struck Moose in the face. Before Moose could react, Adrian knocked the gun
away, and Moose flew through the air and landed on the ground. Moose felt strands of strong rope
binding his arms and legs and every time he tried to get up, he felt himself being forced back to ground
zero. As he tried to look back, all he could see were crows dancing around.
“Wait a minute,” said Moose. “Since when does a turkey crow bind my arms and legs? Yet I can’t
The last thing Moose felt was a big ear of corn stuffed in his mouth, wrapped by a piece of cloth
across the back of his head. Adrian heard Mojo flipping through a magazine and Igor playing cards.
Adrian had put the turkey call in his pocket to capture Moose. He reached for the turkey call and
couldn’t tell the call by feeling it. He pulled out the calls and found himself with three, instead of two.
Now which is the turkey call. The Duck call has this little duck image on the surface. Doc handed me
three calls instead of two and I’m lucky to pick the turkey call on my first try. Perhaps if I put the duck
call back and just try one of these. I have a fifty/fifty chance. Here goes nothing.
Adrian circled around the barn and blew the whistle, “Cock a do dodo do. Cock a do dodo due.”
This whistle sounds like a sick rooster on an all night toot with a splitting hangover, Adrian thought.
“Hey Mojo!” Igor yelled out the window. “I didn’t notice a rooster in this farm. Can you or Moose
“I don’t know where Moose is,” replied Mojo, opening the barn door and sticking his head out.
Outside was an abandoned outhouse, and Adrian stood behind it, blowing the rooster call.
Mojo walked around the barn, just in time to see two crows turning a corner. He heard a rooster call
echoing in the background, pulled out his revolver, walking toward the next corner, but unaware that
Adrian had set a trap, and thinking the rooster was inside, opened the door and positioned his revolver,
only to have Adrian grab his arm, swinging him forward. The movement dislodged his revolver and
forced him into the upright seat and down into the smelly interior.
“Someone’s going to pay for this,” yelled Mojo from the commode bottom, but the rooster call
Adrian focused his third eye toward the house, listening to Igor play cards and Ann breathing
normally upstairs. He needed a plan to distract Igor, but first he would check on the animals. Hackle
and Jackal were still hitching a ride and he felt like Noah, going to retrieve the monkey and parrot. He
snuck into the back door and Bubbles jumped into his arms, while Polly Morphine kept yelling, “pretty
bird.”
While Adrian was focused on the animals, Igor was curious about what was causing Bubbles to act
up. He grabbed his gun, and Ann and headed for the barn. Adrian was so caught up with the animals
that he wasn’t focusing on his mystic senses. Even worse, he was losing concentration, rendering him
visible to Igor. Igor had the gun pointed toward Adrian, and Ann was in the line of fire.
“What?” Adrian asked, surprised at Igor sneaking up on him. “Ann, are you OK?”
“She’s fine for now,” Igor said to Ann. “Go over there and join Prince Charming.”
Ann walked over to Adrian and hugged him and Bubbles. Igor clicked the gun and Bubbles started
to smile, with Adrian shortly joining her. Above Igor’s head were stacks of baled hay. One of the
stacks decided to try bungee jumping and use Igor’s head as a net. As the haystack fell, it knocked Igor
out and a song echoed from the barn top. Adrian walked over by Igor and scanned his energy field,
looking for any broken bones or injuries. He again looked up and heard a singing voice.
My fair lady.”
My fair lady.”
“Find something to tie Igor up, while I signal for help,” said Adrian, becoming Donald and Daffy
Ann found some duct tape in the barn tool kit and proceeded to tie Igor up, while Adrian opened the
barn door and started quacking away, and heard Doc and Rumi in the distance.
“Everything’s under control!” shouted Adrian, who was aware that Doc was surveying the area with
“Rumi,” said Adrian telepathically. “Tell Doc I got the situation under control and need his help
Adrian was also aware he had Hackle and Jackal on his shoulders, and Bubbles was pulling on his leg
and he picked her up and held her. Doc exited through the corn and shone his flashlight on Adrian.
“Who are you trying to be?” Doc asked. “Doctor DoLittle? And where are Mojo, Moose, and Igor?”
“Igor is in the barn, knocked out by a haystack. Moose is tied up in the cornfield and Mojo fell into
the latrine.”
“Latrine?” Doc asked, cracking up. Shortly, Bubbles and Rumi joined him in a good round of
“You all right, Ann?” asked Adrian. “I was so busy before, I forgot to ask.’
“I’m fine, thanks to you,” Ann said, as she kissed him, Doc took out his cellular phone.
“They will trade them for the money Scorpion stole. Believe me. These gentlemen will be too
Adrian looked over his left and right shoulders and noticed Hackle and Jackal were still hanging
around. Bubbles noticed Ann’s kiss, tried to give Adrian one also, but he kept turning his head around.
Doc finished the phone call, then left to find Moose and Mojo. Ann grabbed the parrot cage, only to
notice Polly Morphine had learned a new song that he continued for the next two hours.
Several days passed after Adrian made his daring rescue and he found himself alternating his time
between courting Ann, learning from Rumi, and attempting to teach Bubbles and Polly Morphine to
exercise good behavior. While he was succeeding with the first two chores, the latter was proving to be
a challenge.
Tiny and his gang managed to exchange Moose, Mojo, and Igor for the money Scorpion stole from
the Gladiators. Everything was quiet for a few days and Doc was indulging in his usual pastimes of
smoking, drinking, gambling, and chasing women. One day, about a week later, Doc arrived home as
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” said Doc. “There was a major explosion at the Gladiator’s
clubhouse and many didn’t make it. Tiny suspects a mole in his organization.”
“That’s not good,” responded Adrian, while nursing a diet Coke with lemon and lime slices.
“That’s not the worst news,” said Doc, lighting up a stinky stogie. “Tiny heard that Scorpion is
planning a Farewell Charlie Party for us because he’s angry at your rescuing everyone and
embarrassing him.”
“It’s the worst of the worst,” responded Rumi, chewing on a garlic pickle. “It’s where several heavily
“I get it,” said Ann. “The ones going away would be us – permanently.”
Adrian noticed Bubbles was silent, as if she sensed the darkness approaching. Polly Morphine didn’t
utter a word, and everyone spent the next few moments in n thoughtful silence. Rumi put down the
garlic pickle.
“Fortunately, I have a large cabin my uncle uses for hunting,” said Doc. “It’s the perfect hiding place.
Adrian’s mind drifted. Isn’t that where Wyatt and Doc had a showdown with the Clanton gang?
I’m hanging around with Doc Holiday. Does that make me Wyatt? And the bad guys all know how to
shoot six-shooters. I couldn’t shoot a six-shooter if Doc held my hand and pulled the trigger – nor do I
want to. And whom do we have on the side of good? We have a piano player, psychologist, mystic,
shaman, parrot, and monkey. Why can’t he change the name to the Never Mind Corral, the
Casablanca Corral, the Cheery Cheese Chunks Corral, or the I’m OK They’re Not OK Corral?
“I can’t help thinking about this name,” said Adrian. “It’s like getting a date on Friday the thirteenth,
and going into a pet store that specializes in black cats, or being chased by a bull in the house of
mirrors.”
While Adrian was pondering his situation, he noticed Bubbles was busy flipping through the phone
book, browsing the yellow pages. Polly Morphine, meanwhile, was admiring a female parrot aiding a
bad pirate on the TV. While the parrot was emulating a wolf whistle, Bubbles dropped the phone book
on the floor beneath Ann’s feet. The sound made her look down, and the phone book was open to a
section on automobiles. In an ad filling three quarters of the open page was a picture of a minivan.
“It’s bad enough our lives have a price tag on them,” said Ann, picking up the phone book and
looking at the picture. “But if we have to hide, I want to have room for my belongings.”
“Leave it to a woman to want to ride to a funeral in a limo,” said Doc, looking at the picture.
Adrian’s mind drifted again. Suppose they are following us? If we go in two parties, they would
“We shouldn’t get a minivan,” said Adrian. “They may be following us and we would be sitting
“The kid’s a genius,” replied Doc. “Rumi and I will go in one team. He is the mystic and I am the
gunman.”
“But who will watch out for Ann and the pets? Oh…” said Adrian, looking at Doc.
“Who better to watch over them? A shaman, guarded by Coyote, an Aikido expert with enhanced
senses and a Rosisufist?” asked Doc. “Besides, you and Rumi can keep in touch.”
“It’s settled then,” said Rumi. “We will draw a map and go over the directions. Doc and I can leave
tonight to throw any thugs off the trail. The rest of our group will leave tomorrow and Ann can take
Adrian took another sip of Coke. I still don’t like the idea of hiding out in the OK Corral.
Adrian spent the night at Ann’s, sleeping on the couch. Bubbles slept downstairs with Adrian, and
Polly Morphine slept in Ann’s room. A telepathic message in the morning from Rumi let Adrian know
they took off and were on their way. After breakfast, Ann pulled her VW into the driveway and Adrian
spent the next few minutes loading Ann’s things and the pets. While he munched on some cheddar
crackers, Bubbles held out her hand, looking at him with sad eyes, prompting him to share some
crackers.
When they got going, they were on the road for a few minutes when Ann stopped the car by a
convenience store.
“I’ll get some supplies,” said Ann, kissing him on the cheek. “You can tell me if anything is wrong.
“Consider it done,” said Adrian, wearing his red hunting jacket and green Sherlock Holmes hat.
He watched Ann enter the convenience store, then across the street. The sign there said the Shady
Rest, and a desire for water overwhelmed him. I need to get a drink. I suppose no one will know if I
am a guest or not. I see another sign that says ‘pets welcome’. If I go in the side door, no one will
know if I am coming in or going out. What does that other sign say? It says ‘Cross Dressers
convention’. I know Ann would like a present, and she would like a cross. I didn’t know they had
conventions where people wear different crosses to show off. It’s funny what you can find at a
convention. I’ll leave Ann a note and tell her I went for some water.
He took out a pen and note pad and scribbled a note: I have gone to the Shady Rest to get some water
and took the pets with me. The note covered the steering wheel, as Bubbles became his right and Polly
Morphine’s cage his left hand focused, he headed toward the Shady Rest. Stepping through the side
door, Adrian pretended he was just a guest and noticed a sign saying this way to Cross Dressers
Convention.
When he reached the convention door, there was a room full of females, powdering their noses,
combing their hair, drinking tea or catching up on girl talk. I can’t see any crosses on these ladies.
Shouldn’t there be some display cases or something? I hate to be rude but these are really ugly ladies.
Some look like they could be weight lifters or professional wrestlers. Perhaps I can ask those two
“I say,” said Adrian. “Am I at the right place? Is this the cross dressers convention?”
“The one and only,” said the short redhead, bearing the nametag ‘Trudy’.
“Let’s get him a nametag,” said the tall blond lady, bearing the name ‘Corky’. “I am Corky
Crupperrake and this is Trudy Tuplidpot. Who are you and what names do the pets have?”
“I’m Adrian Albright and the monkey is Bubbles and the parrot is Polly Morphine.”
The two ladies started laughing and Bubbles joined in the laughter. These ladies have such
“I’m sorry, Adrian,” said Corky. “But Polly Morphine is such a strange name for a parrot. You need
to get dressed up to come in. The Sherlock Holmes hat and red hunting jacket have to go.”
“But I don’t have a suit and tie. Where are they selling the crosses?”
“It does say cross dressers convention, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t you ladies have a cross display case?”
Bubbles proceeded to open the parrot cage door Adrian put on the floor. Polly Morphine, unnoticed
by the others, took advantage of his freedom and flew on top of Corky’s head. While Corky turned his
eyes upward, the parrot started pecking her glasses and said.
“Where did the parrot learn to talk like that?” asked Trudy, putting a ribbon in her wig.
Nobody was paying attention to Bubbles and she climbed onto the table and grabbed Trudy’s wig,
exposing a crew cut. Polly Morphine saw Bubbles run with the wig and followed suit. Climbing on
top of a set of folded chairs, Bubbles ended up on a light fixture, with the parrot flying by her side.
With the wig on her head, she started laughing, while Polly Morphine kept squawking hot babe.
“I’m truly troubled, Trudy,” said Adrian, appearing a bit surprised. “I’m a bit confused since you’re a
man!”
“Adrian,” said Corky. “What do you think a cross dressers convention is?”
“Well,” said Adrian. “I wanted to buy my lady a cross. Then I saw a sign for this convention, and it
Corky looked at Trudy and they both started laughing, causing Adrian to wonder what the joke was.
What are they laughing at? If they weren’t selling crosses, they should not have deceived the public
with the sign. And to top it off, I have to get that monkey and parrot down, in addition to returning
“I’m Irene ThistleBrotton and I’d like to get this party going. So let’s put on some music and let’s
Bubbles turned her eyes toward the announcer, and dropped the wig. Trudy walked over and grabbed
it, while Polly Morphine kept yelling “hot babes”. A brilliant thought came to Adrian on how to get
the pets down, while everyone was preoccupied with the beauty pageant. The men, dressed in ladies’
dresses and wigs, lined up for the contest. A mischievous monkey scurried down, avoiding Adrian, and
moved into the line of men, leaving Adrian stranded, with the crowd pushing his way, and Bubbles
Now what do I do? Ann is probably waiting and I have Bubbles entering the contest and Polly
Morphine is still beyond my reach. And here I am, trapped in this strange beauty pageant. What
should I do? Perhaps if I wait a bit, Bubbles will get tired and I can grab her.
Each man walked in a sexy fashion, in pick, blue, red, and yellow dresses, sporting jewelry and
shaking their rear ends, with Bubbles was behind the first five, duplicating the ass wiggling, evoking
“It looks like we have a new contestant,” said Irene, in a pink and yellow dress. “What’s your name,
dear?”
“Bubbles,” said Irene. “That is a pretty name, and since you’re new here, we’ll let you go first. Is
Everyone was clapping, and Bubbles walked over to Irene. Polly Morphine repeated a wolf whistle,
and Adrian found himself stuck in the crowd. The parrot landed on Irene’s shoulder, while Polly
Morphine’s head bob up and down and he spoke into the microphone. “Hi babes. Care for some fun?”
Bubbles blew a kiss to everyone and Adrian’s face was turning red. How did I ever think they were
selling crosses? Now I have the two brats up on center stage and I’m stuck and can’t get through the
crowd. And…”
Adrian head become filled with a voice that said, “We need to talk.” But a frustrated Adrian replied
to Rumi – not now. I’m in a very sticky situation with the pets, and I need to get it settled.
“There’s danger, kid,” said Rumi. “I’m sending a friend to look in on you from time to time.
“Who is it?” asked Adrian mentally. “And how will he find me?”
“His name is Francis,” said Rumi. “He is an elderly friend, Christian and smokes a pipe.”
“Can aid you, yes,” said Rumi. “But if he shows himself, his glowing in the dark and talking might
“I sense it,” replied Rumi. “Nobody wants to see us get to the OK Corral.”
“Thanks,” said Adrian. “I look forward to meeting Francis and welcome his help. Now I need to
Adrian felt Rumi had mentally stopped communicating, and his thoughts drifted. This talking to
Rumi is better then using the phone. I’m looking forward to meeting Francis and getting to know him.
Where did met him? I have my hands full with these two clowns, taking the center spotlight. Rounding
them up and getting back before Ann arrives is Mission Impossible. She should take a bit of time
shopping.
Adrian watched and felt a lump enter his stomach, as he heard Irene utter her next words: “And to see
how our lovely ladies fare in dexterity, we bring you the square dancing contest.”
Again he was aware of the crowd pinning him back and observed Irene, in her pink and yellow dress,
pick up a CD and put it in the sound system. The words like bow to your partner or bow to your
corner filled the air, but he couldn’t make out the whole song. The contestants danced in a circle and
Bubbles standing in the center, clapping her hands, while Polly Morphine was infatuated with one
phrase: chase that pretty girl. The parrot kept echoing the phrase or eliciting a wolf whistle.
Wonderful, thought Adrian. They are square dancing, and I’m stuck between a cross section of the
WWF meets the Miss America Pageant. What kind of nutty convention did I end up in? How do I get to
“Adrian,” shouted some woman (or reasonable facsimile), which prompted him to turn around, only
to be totally surprised.
“How did you find me?” asked Adrian, seeing it was Ann in her plain blue dress.
“I asked the front desk if they noticed a monkey and parrot and they pointed to this convention.
“Well,” said Adrian. “I wanted some water and thought people would think I’m a guest if I took the
pets, since the sign said pets allowed. When I saw the sign cross dressers convention, I thought I’d get
Ann laughed out loud, while Polly Morphine kept up the wolf whistle and Bubbles exchanged
partners in the square dance. Two feet tall Adrian wanted to hide under the table. But he also wanted
“How can we get the pets through this crowd?” asked Adrian.
“Easy,” replied Ann. “We dance with the crowd on opposite sides?”
“Ah,” said Adrian. “Whoever gets closes to them can grab them.”
The square dance music was blasting the sound system, and h went over to the right, while Ann went
left. After waiving to Ann, he started to square dance, keeping his eyes on Bubbles and Polly
Morphine. A dancing monkey kept clapping her hands, as the contestants square-danced around them.
And a goofy parrot kept bobbing his head and moving on Irene’s shoulders. The crowd confined Ann
and Adrian looked around, trying to determine where Bubbles was, since he couldn’t see past the swirl
of skirts.
Figures moved through the crowd, yelling pardon me, sorry partner or excuse me, for every person
he bumped into. In a few moments, he was pushing though the line and was dancing near the
contestants, blending into the crowd. While Bubbles was watching the ladies, Adrian sneaked up
behind her and lifted her on to his shoulder, pretending to be part of the act. Polly Morphine saw
“You have a wonderful act, Sherlock,” said Irene, as Adrian danced his way from center stage to
Ann, constantly saying pardon, sorry, or excuse me while the crowd was dancing to the calls. It felt
like an eternity and he wanted to go hide. He went over to Ann and promptly handed Bubbles to her.
His next move was to lunge towards the parrot cage, which he’d left near Trudy. His long hand
reached down, opened the door and put the parrot inside.
“Now I know they don’t sell crosses here, but cross the dressing line,” Adrian said to Ann.
“You sure dance wonderfully,” Trudy remarked, in her sporty green outfit, eyeing Ann and Adrian.
“He needs to dance home now,” said Ann, grabbing his arm in hers, with the other hand around
“We have a ways to go before arriving at the OK Corral,” said Ann. “Just watch these two more
closely.”
As Adrian and Ann were inching their way towards the exit, an excited Trudy came running after
“I had to tell you the wonderful news,” Trudy explained, handing the trophy to Bubbles. “The
judges decisions were unanimous, and Bubbles won the beauty contest.”
As Trudy went back to the party, Bubbles held up her trophy and smiled, while Adrian shook his
head in disbelief.
They exited the hotel and ended up back at Ann’s car. Inside was a bag full of goodies, including
crackers for the parrot, a banana for Bubbles and some jellybeans for Ann and Adrian.
Highway 45 is a lonely stretch of dirt and Adrian began to crave some water chestnuts and Earl
Grey tea. It was seven PM and they were about thee days from reaching the OK Corral. The radio was
playing an old Straggler Brothers tune, causing Bubbles to clap her hands and Polly Morphine to yell
nothing to do, which was a commonly repeated line. Ann had been driving for the past three hours and
she was planning to trade places with Adrian after they found a town in which to purchase Adrian’s
water chestnuts.
“There’s a town ahead and I see a billboard that says fresh farm produce and try our famous water
“Leave it to you to find water chestnuts in the middle of nowhere. We need to rest for the night and
“Of course. Who gets the pets?” asked Adrian, noticing Ann was giving him a stern look. “I see.”
“OK. We go to the Farmhouse truck stop, restaurant and produce market, eat dinner and stop at the
Shady Rest.”
The small VW pulled into the parking lot, and parked between huge rigs. The parking lot was home
to truckers, drunks and derelicts. A couple of truckers caught drift of Ann and started whistling as she
exited the VW. Adrian opened the door and left the pets inside, but could smell alcohol. Polly
Morphine echoed back the wolf whistle and one trucker with brown cowboy boots, blue jeans and a
“No thanks,” said Ann, pushing his arm away. “I have a man.”
“Hey pipsqueak,” said the other man in a torn shirt. “Take a hike.”
Adrian saw Bubbles smile from the car window and the torn shirt man grabbed Ann’s arm.
“You are a nut,” said the ten-gallon hat man. “I’ll teach you some manners.”
The ten-gallon hat man took a swing, only to be caught in a wristlock and being whirled in a circle
toward the ground, as Adrian began his dance. The torn shirt man lunged at him, only to find his body
carrying him forward and toward the ground, lying on top of his fallen companion. Adrian grabbed the
“I just don’t believe it,” said the hat owner. “Where the fuck did you learn that shit?”
“Depends,” said the torn shirt man. “You just trash and blew us both away, so what is that shit
called?”
“You just earned our respect, kid,” said the hat man. “My name is Jed and this is my partner Fred.
We didn’t mean any harm, lady. We always chase the ladies.”
“Nonsense. The kid earned our respect and the beer, and water chestnuts are on us.”
“Thanks, but I’m kind of dead, having a dreaded trip ahead and longing for bed, when all is said and
“He means we are tired and prefer a rain check,” replied Ann.
Ann put her arm in Adrian’s and watched the two men walk into the trucker’s haven. Ann and Adrian
walked inside, and became immersed in the smell of smoke and stale beer. Over to the left was the
convenience store, with a sign saying water chestnuts, and ahead were the washrooms.
“I need to powder my nose,” said Ann, “You go buy your water chestnuts.”
He walked over and found a barrel containing glass jars of water chestnuts, enticing prompted him to
grab one, when he smelled pipe smoke. He turned around and noticed an older man smoking a pipe
He didn’t know why he ate the peach but he felt an overwhelming desire to do so. There was a round
object around the man’s neck and noticed the Christian symbol of a partial moon embedded in it. Gee,
thought Adrian. This man looks like the one Rumi described. Now what was the man’s name? I
remember. It was Udi Kareega and he is supposed to help me, so perhaps I should find out. Now how
can I do that?
“Thanks for the peach,” said Adrian. “By the way, my name is Adrian.”
“Udi,” said the old man. “Udi Kurega.”
“Are you a friend of Rumi’s, and have you come to look after my well being?” asked Adrian.
“Both,” said Udi. “Let’s just say I will guide you, from time to time.”
Adrian looked around and noticed only a lady at the counter, who appeared more interested in
observing the cowboys. Ann still was busy in the washroom and the animals would be his companions,
“Look Adrian,” said Udi. “The two cowboys were trying to see if you if you were the man they were
paid to find. Word is out that Scorpion would pay money for anyone seeing you. Unfortunately for
“Just keep your eyes and ears open,” said Udi. “Now you should pay for the water chestnuts.”
“But the old man…” replied Adrian, turning around and not observing anyone. He looked for the
The cash register rang up one dollar and twenty cents and he paid the bill without answering the
lady’s question. Now what should I do? I’m stuck with people watching me, and these two cowboys
now know where I am. It would be suicide to stay here “Ann,” said Adrian, as he approached her and
They walked toward the car with Adrian talking about Rumi, Udi and the warning. Bubbles was
leaning against the glass and Polly Morphine was observing his image via the cage mirror. Adrian
opened the door and picked Bubbles up, only to notice her look at the water chestnuts. He handed her
some and she devoured them. He put his hand near the parrot cage and directed some light healing
energy toward the bird, which had a tranquilizing effect on him. He then did the same for Bubbles,
who began to fall asleep. Ann then started the car and they traveled down the road.
Two hours passed and it started to rain. They could see nothing but endless woods, rain, and
lightning. Adrian was holding Bubbles, who was bouncing in his arms and Polly Morphine was
uttering fifteen men and a dead man’s chest. Adrian thought he’d picked it up from a pirate movie.
The visibility was dismal so Ann’s car was going twenty miles an hour.
“We need to find a hotel soon,” said Ann. “I’m too tired to continue.”
Adrian continued to watch the highway and he saw a sign saying The Baits Motel, fisherman’s
paradise.
“Ann,” said Adrian. “I see a sign that says hotel two miles ahead.”
“Good,” said Ann. “I’d settle for the mummy’s tomb right now.”
“Turn up ahead,” said Adrian, seeing a neon sign flashing the letters Baits Motel.
Ann’s VW pulled into the side road and came into a driveway with several small motel rooms on one
floor. They parked the car and Adrian went to the end, where the sign said office. Ann and the pets
waited inside the car, while Adrian arrived inside, noticing the light was on and the office had several
stuffed animals hanging around, including a stuffed bass over the entrance. He looked around and
“Anyone here?” yelled Adrian, his voice competing with the thunder.
The door opened and a man with glasses, wearing his fishing hat and carrying a fishing knife, opened
“I need two rooms for the night,” said Adrian. “Will you allow animals to stay here?”
“We don’t get many visitors now,” said the man. “Fishing season has ended. As long as you don’t
have a pet elephant, it will be OK. I insist on seeing all guests, including the pets. One has to be
Adrian waived his hand and yelled to Ann, “Come inside and bring the pets.”
“Come inside and bring the pets. The manager wants to see them,” yelled Adrian, going out to help
Ann.
Ann carried the monkey and Adrian went and grabbed the parrot, shielding both with umbrellas.
When they got inside, he noticed the man was smiling as he eyed the bird and monkey.
“Such lovely specimens,” said the man. “They would look nice in someone’s collection.”
“Collection?” asked Adrian. “I don’t understand. Do you have a name? I’m Adrian, the lady is Ann,
“Just show us the rooms,” said Ann. “We want two rooms.”
Norman put his fishing knife down and grabbed a flashlight from his desk drawer, as he picked up
two sets of keys and opened the front door. Ann and Adrian followed, carrying the animals with them,
as Adrian opened the first room, next to the office. The room appeared clean, and had a basic bed,
Ann went back to the car to get the luggage and Norman opened the adjacent room, which Adrian
inspected after the light was turned on. The same basic cleanliness and furniture decorated this room,
as he put the pets down and turned to Norman, closing the hotel room door.
“Let’s process the paperwork and pay for the rooms,” said Adrian.
“You can let the animals stay with me, if you like,” said Norman. “I live up on the hill, in that old
house. I watch TV a lot, and I find many excellent heroes. Imagine a world where Murdock of the A-
team is looked up to as a behavioral model, Curly stooge as a role model, or Hannibal lector as a
mentor.”
Adrian looked up and saw an old house, straining his mystical senses to see if anyone was living there,
but all he could hear was the voice of an elderly lady. He wasn’t sure if it was a real person, or a TV or
radio voice.
“Thanks,” said Ann, watching Norman grab his fishing knife and walk away.
“Those animals would make lovely specimens,” said Norman again, as he walked up the hill, carrying
his fishing knife and flashlight, dressed in his orange rain poncho. Adrian watched Ann head to her
room and she turned around and said to him,” I really like to watch a movie. Would you like to watch
it with me?”
“No thank you,” said Adrian. “I’ll probably fall, asleep but I’ll turn it on in here.”
He waved goodnight and went to his room. Bubbles was sitting on the chair, waiting for Adrian to
turn on the TV, while Polly Morphine was sitting on his perch. The lightning, thunder and rain were
blotting out any background noise and he thought a movie might relax him. The TV was turned to
channel three, just in time for Psycho. They were advertising another movie staring Peter Lowry.
Unbeknownst to Adrian, Polly Morphine would latch on to the phase: “I don’t want to kill you. I just
want to stab you with my knife.” A few words would eventually get chopped off and become kill you,
Adrian started drifting off to sleep. The bed was situated next to Ann’s bed, with only a wall in
between. The rain over the years had seeped into the plaster and made the walls weak, causing a hole
to be made in the wall section. Normally, the hole would be unnoticeable with the beds hiding it, but
Bubbles started moving under the bed after Adrian fell asleep. She discovered the hole and climbed
through, into the room where Ann was also dozing off. On top of the nightstand was a rattail comb,
which she picked up. She walked over to the sleeping Ann, gave her a kiss and poked her with the
comb’s end. Ann immediately jumped up screaming, which caused Bubbles to climb under the bed and
back into Adrian’s room. The scream awoke Adrian, who put on some pants and rushed toward Ann’s
door.
Ann, breathing heavily, opened the door and let him in. “Someone’s in this room.”
Adrian started searching, but the TV was still playing inside his own. Peter Lowry started repeating
the line I don’t want to kill you. I just want to stab you with my knife. The parrot started saying Kill
you, stab with knife. With the thunder and lightning, the phase was echoed through Ann’s room.
“You hear that,” said Ann. “It must be that Norman. He’s saying kill you, stab with knife.”
“You stay here and lock the door,” said Adrian. “I’ll go out and check around.”
Adrian took an umbrella and flashlight and searched the grounds around the hotel. He tried to
pinpoint the voice but the storm masked the source. A good five minutes passed and he didn’t see or
sense anything. The old house caught his attention and he could hear a woman’s voice but could not
tell the age or anything else. He returned to Ann’s room and knocked.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” said Adrian. “Let’s go back to sleep and lock the doors. Yell if
“Great plan, Sherlock,” said Ann. “I’ll stay up and watch that Peter Lowry movie.”
Adrian went back to his room and started watching the movie and noticed that the parrot and monkey
appeared to be sleeping, while he watched the hypnotic eyes of Peter and he found himself dozing off.
Bubbles decided to take the opportunity to slip under the bed and into Ann’s room. Ann’s purse in
the bathroom, which prompted Bubbles to open it, pulling out things and dropping them. Squeezing
the top off the lipstick, she took a bite and threw it in the toilet. The mirror held her reflection and she
dropped it, watching the plastic item bounce. The last item she examined was a siren whistle, which
was supposed to emit a loud noise and scare away criminals. The pulled string emitted the noise “u-ug-
ga” sent her to scurry under the bed, while Ann woke up screaming, sending Adrian to grabbing for his
Adrian moved into the washroom and turned on the light, glimpsed at the purse, and noticed
everything was scattered about, while Ann saw the disrupted handbag and started to fume.
“First he tries to kill me, and then he makes a mess of my purse,” said Ann.
“If I didn’t know better, I’ll say Bubbles was involved in this,” replied Adrian.
Peter was saying his line when Polly Morphine started echoing it. The voice was echoed and
distorted by the storm. Adrian and Ann were left with a murderous voice, echoing kill you, stab with
knife. Ann grabbed on to Adrian and he held her tight, as he tried to get a fix on the voice, but all he
“Go find him,” said Ann. “I can’t sleep until we settle this.”
He shined the light into the woods, looking in the parking lot, but couldn’t see anything. The next
few minutes he spent looking around the hotel, examining every inch of ground and discovering
nothing but rain, thunder and lightning. He returned to Ann’s room and knocked, prompting Ann to
monkey hair, which led to the bed, prompting him to look under it and noticed the hole.
“Please enlighten Watson,” said Ann. Adrian pointed to the bed, causing Ann to look under it.
“That explains the purse but…” said Ann, interrupted by Polly Morphine saying kill you, stab with
knife.
Ann put her robe over her nightgown and they both ran into Adrian’s room, to hear the parrot echoing
the phase. He turned to the TV and saw Peter Lowry. His mind tried to remember the movie and he
put the pieces together. Now Polly Morphine was listening to Peter Lowry, so what line was he
“That’s it,” said Adrian. “Didn’t he say, I don’t want to kill you, I just want to stab you with my
knife?”
“Of course,” said Ann. “And the parrot picked up on the key words.”
The next few moments found Ann and Adrian laughing hysterically and Bubbles looking quizzically
at them both.
“So much for these silly Psycho movies,” said Ann. “I’m going to bed.”
Ann kissed Adrian goodnight and he too turned off the TV and went to bed. The rest of the night was
uneventful, with the storm still plummeting on the hotel. About three AM, he was awakened by a loud
voice outside imitating Peter Lowry. Adrian turned around and noticed both Bubbles and Polly
Morphine were sound asleep. He heard Ann scream and quickly put on his pants and ran to her room,
closing the door behind him. A good knock on Ann’s door, along with a shout, prompted her to open it.
“Listen,” she said. “Someone is out there, maybe that goofy Norman.”
Again he strained his senses and heard the voice say Peter’s famous line. The storm was dulling his
senses and he couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from. He listened for voices in the house and
Adrian took his raincoat and flashlight and went outside into the woods and rain. The storm made it
difficult to track the voice’s location. When he moved southward, he could heard I don’t, westward he
heard want to kill you, eastward brought I just want to, and northward he heard kill you with my knife.
He was befuddled and couldn’t understand how a voice could echo in fragments and in the four
directions. It doesn’t make sense that a voice is divided into four fragments. Nothing like this would
He continued to walk, looking for a visual clue. Since the parrot said kill with knife and that phrase
was coming from the north, he traveled in that direction. Drops of red trailed the ground and he
thought it was blood. Fearing someone was being killed or injured, he sped up and tried to follow the
blood, which was scattered by the storm. He looked at his watch briefly and realized ten minutes had
passed since he left the hotel. There stood a large rock and what appeared to be a body hidden beneath
it, with the arms and legs extending from behind the rock. He tried to sense a human presence nearby
but couldn’t detect anyone. Running toward the rock, Adrian looked behind it, only to discover a
scarecrow and empty ketchup bottle. The first thought that came into his head was Coyote. A few feet
ahead of the rock sat the familiar, glow in the dark, coyote form.
“What’s the idea?” asked Adrian. “We’re being chased by strangers wanting to kill us, and you play
“I can’t resist,” insisted Coyote. “Here you guys are letting yourselves get spooked by a movie and a
“Sit down, kid,” said Coyote, “Bad people are looking for you.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” said Adrian, looking at Coyote and realizing he was getting
Coyote sat quietly and Adrian noticed a suitcase beneath the scarecrow labeled tricks. He opened it
up and found a magic apparatus and an instruction book entitled Coyote Con. Thumbing through the
book, his fingers stopped on a page naming the author Coyote. The scarecrow stood up, propelled
upward by Coyote, and as Adrian moved closer, a water balloon was thrown in his face.
“Who did that?” asked Adrian, looking around. “The scarecrow or you?”
The wizard of Oz reject fell back to the ground and Adrian gave it a kick to insure it wasn’t moving.
As he looked down to examine the scarecrow more closely, another water balloon landed on his head.
Looking up into a tree and noticed an owl above him. Here I am, standing in the pouring rain and
“Right. Murderers, spooked by a monkey, and being tricked by you, are chasing me.”
On the ground sat a package of balloons and a pool of water. Adrian opened the package, took out a
balloon, filled it with water from the pool, blew it up and tied the end. The balloon he threw at Coyote,
only to watch it go through him and disappear. In a few seconds, another water balloon hit him on the
back of his head. Immediately Adrian started laughing and kept the laughter up for a minute or two,
“Now you’re starting to understand Coyote humor,” said Coyote. “Now get back to Ann.”
Adrian grabbed the book Coyote Con and the package of water balloons. Returning to the hotel,
Adrian turned around to just see the lightning. With the book under his poncho and his flashlight to
guide his footsteps, Adrian – accustomed to the night – searched until he found a hotel. A knock on
“I think to give me a book,” said Adrian. “Can we talk in the morning? I’m tired.”
Before Ann could respond, Adrian heard a voice outside saying, I plan to skin them alive and eat
them for dinner. Adrian and Ann looked at each other, and he scurried over to his room, only to notice
the parrot and monkey were asleep. Returning to Ann’s room triggered the voice to again say; I’ll cut
your guts out and mount the big one in my office. What tasty morsels they’ll make.
“It sounds like Norman,” replied Adrian, knowing he’d have to investigate. Adrian walked
into the storm, focusing his senses on the human form. He could pick up the scent of fish, probably
bass or bluegill. A man in a raincoat was walking through the woods, saying, “Skin them alive.”
A long fishing knife was seen with flashing lightning, with Adrian hid behind some bushes, ready to
grab the knife and disarm the killer. As the man came closer, Adrian saw a bucket of fish and a fishing
pole on his back. Standing up a few feet behind Norm, he asked, “You gone fishing?”
“Who’s there?” said Norm, turning around. “Oh, Adrian. What brings you out in this weather? Are
“No,” said Adrian, laughing his head off. “I want Ann to see these fish.”
Norm followed Adrian to the hotel and they went to Ann’s room. A knock prompted Ann to look
through the keyhole, and open the door for him. Norm’s huge bucket of fish prompted Ann to laugh.
“It’s just that we’re imagining things, since we watched that Psycho movie,” replied Adrian.
“I need to clean these fish,” insisted Norm, heading toward the door and out toward the house. “I’ll
“I need to get some sleep,” replied Adrian. “See you in the morning.”
Ann kissed him and he returned to his room. Taking off his wet clothes, he turned into bed but left
the TV on. The morning came and Adrian was awakened by the words of Peter Lowry, I don’t want to
kill you, I just want to stab you with my knife. He quickly turned around to look at Polly Morphine,
only to find him sleeping. Bubbles was sleeping also, but the TV was playing a move with Peter Lowry
in it. An elicited brief smile for a playful monkey signaled it was time to wake up.
The day continued with Ann and Adrian checking out of the hotel and getting the animals exercised.
They were on the road again, and Adrian was looking at the map, trying to determine the time
He set up a mind link with Rumi and found himself drifting into the Philosopher’s Café. Inside he
saw Zeke (Buddha) Poonapepper, Iris Siren and Rumi Rosenkreuz sitting around, drinking tea and
talking. Nobody else was present, and there was an empty chair. They couldn’t be heard audibly, but a
voice from Iris beckoned him to join them. Sitting down and with a feeling of peace and tranquility
overcoming him for a few minutes, he was transported into a sea of calm.
“It feels pretty peaceful, kid,” said Rumi. “I’m in the woods now and your body is in the car.”
“What are Zeke and Iris doing here?” asked Adrian.
“It’s like this,” replied Buddha. “Iris doesn’t really like Doc’s plan, and she has this bad feeling. She
Adrian turned around and saw what looked like Jean-Paul Sartre wandering the halls. Sartre was the
first outsider he’d seen, outside the current Rosisufist group. Of course, Adrian remembered what the
problem was, got up, and walked over to Sartre. He took him by the hand and showed him the exit
Adrian was stopped by music, playing in the background. The song, All Along the Watchtower, a
tune sung by Jimmy Hendrix, was unusual for the Philosopher’s Café and it caused him to ponder. A
table bore a Jehovah Witnesses magazine called The Watchtower. Behind him lay a wall shelf
“I believe someone here is telling me something,” said Adrian, looking at the group.
“He catches on fast,” said Iris. “It’s an important clue, and that is all we know.”
Adrian drifted back into consciousness and turned around to watch Bubbles and Polly Morphine in
the back seat. Both were behaving themselves and he stuck out his hand to pet the monkey, when she
snatched his watch off, and started looking at it. The back seat became a scene for a tug of war, as
Adrian grabbed the watch, only to have Bubbles pull it away, while Ann was watching in the rear view
mirror.
“Watchtower?” asked Ann, noticing Adrian was still trying to grab his watch.
He did not have an answer to Ann’s question. Is Bubbles trying to tell me something? Maybe she
knows something about this watchtower or perhaps she just wants a shiny watch. Here I am,
wondering about a tower and making sense of this mess, when I feel like the monkey, and Bubbles is
the organist. Is the watchtower a place, person, or thing? When Adrian stopped his thinking, Bubbles
“Maybe I don’t know what the watchtower is,” said Adrian, “but I am sure the answer will come.”
“Let’s worry about this later,” said Ann. “I need help with directions.”
Adrian took out the map and was having trouble reading it, until Bubbles pulled on his arm. Closer
examination found the map was upside down. Ann was driving and her eyes were on the road.
Placing the map right side up, he turned to Bubbles and whispered.
“You be quiet, now,” said Polly Morphine, causing Ann to look at Adrian. He gave her a blank look.
“Don’t look at me,” said Adrian. “I don’t have control over his vocabulary.”
Ann’s question prompted Adrian to look and he tried to find highway 45 on the map. Highway 47
was about ten minutes away, and he knew they had to turn right. A glance to the right, looking for a
familiar highway sign, found the hidden jewel. The sign said Watchtower Engineering Company and
Free guided tour. I’ve never seen an engineering company before and haven’t the foggiest notion of
“I saw a sign,” said Adrian. “It said Watchtower engineering company. Maybe I can get some clues
there.”
The next few minutes Adrian was watching highway signs, while the pets and Ann were taking a nap.
Counting signs gave him a headache still, and for a brief moment in time, he felt a moment of peace.
No worry about killers, mystical fraternities, misbehaving animals, confusing Coyotes, or bad Psycho
invitations. Here he was, falling in love with his former therapist, and even accepting his identify as
shaman. But the sign, Watchtower engineering company, interrupted his daydream.
“Oh, all right,” said Ann, “I plan to take a nap while you go explore that goofy engineering company,
Ann drove to the engineering company and parked the car, noticed a sign saying open house
obstructing her vision. She turned off the car and drifted off to sleep, while Adrian headed toward the
front door Meanwhile, Adrian stopped at the front gate, wearing his red hunting jacket and green
Sherlock Holmes hat. The guard, whose nametag said Tim Tweeter, greeted him.
“Sign in,” said Tim. “I wish somebody would crash this open house, so I can blow my official
whistle.”
Adrian’s mystic senses kicked in and he heard in his mind breathing behind a closed door.
Something seemed familiar in the breathing sound, and he recalled the biker party. Fearing that
someone was in the shadows, he thought he would surprise the villain and quickly pushed the door
Adrian kept watching him, while looking around the distribution center, where watches were
probably stored and shipped. His first reaction was to remain calm and hear him out, as his intuition
“It’s like this, kid,” said Igor. “I been following you, and I got in here with a fake press credential. I
know my past is not clean, and I am not a saint, but this war is claiming innocents. Women and
children will become victims, and I know now you’re not an ordinary person, even though Scorpion
believes you are. And your girlfriend, Ann, is quite the doctor Freud. She helped me see into my soul,
Adrian remembered the kidnapping of Ann and he realized the warnings could mean beware of Igor,
but turned and bluntly blurted out, “Why should I believe you? You kidnapped Ann.”
“Hey, kid,” said Igor. “I was just doing my job. Look, you have the advantage. You’re the Aikido
expert, and you have some extraordinary gifts that I don’t understand. There are stories circulating of
healing gifts, a sixth sense, and a mysterious guardian angel called Coyote.”
“Assume for a moment,” said Adrian, trying to be clever, “that you were correct. What is it that you
“I’ll help you get Scorpion, break up his organization, become a free person, in exchange for your
An awe struck Adrian wondered why such surprising turn of events happened. Two penetrating eyes
looked Igor in the face, and tried to understand his real motives. A guard whistle, which preceded an
announcement on the loud speaker, signaled the demonstration would commence in five minutes.
“I’ll tell you what,” said Adrian. “Let we watch this demo and think it over. I’ll meet you after the
Adrian watched Igor walk away and sent a message to Rumi for guidance, expecting an instant
acknowledgement – but nothing happened. A repeated attempt at the sending process received nothing
but a blank reaction. His mind began to become flooded with thoughts. Perhaps I am losing it, now
when I need his advice the most, I can’t contact him, so maybe I am losing my touch.
There stood a janitor cleaning up, but the area he was sweeping in was dark. His mystic senses
couldn’t detect anything. Now a befuddled Adrian thought he would kill about five minutes talking to
the janitor.
“I tried to contact a friend, but he isn’t returning the call,” said Adrian.
“Your friend went to a cave, so he insured Doc safely arrived and went into retreat,” said the janitor.
The janitor remained silent and Adrian thought the silence confirmed the answer.
“What should I do about Igor,” asked Adrian.
“Even the thief on the cross had a change of heart,” replied Udi.
The whistle blew again and an announcement signal one minute to show time. Turning around to talk
to the janitor, he noticed he was gone and a piece of candy sat on the table. The candy was sweet so he
ate it, and he went through the door, back to the engineering company. Inwardly, he was pondering
over the message of Udi and he took the message to mean he should give Igor a chance. Then he
pondered in his mind how Ann and Doc would react, but would deal with the issue when needed.
Once outside, he noticed Igor smoking a pipe, and initiating a conversation. “Well, kid, what will it
be?”
“I can’t turn my back on you,” said Adrian. “But I will be watching my back.”
“Fair enough,” said Igor. “I’d do the same, if I was you. Scorpion has organized a hunting party and
Adrian was silent and pondered the situation. They walked over to Ann’s car and he noticed her
sleeping. A few taps on her shoulder caused her to awake from a deep slumber, only to cringe at the
sight of Igor.
“What is he doing here?” asked Ann. “That’s the idiot that kidnapped me.”
“He’s reformed,” said Adrian. “He needs our help and he can help me.”
“I’m sorry, madam, but I was only doing my job when I kidnapped you.”
“I don’t like it,” said Ann. “And what will Doc say? “
Ann started the car and didn’t say a word, which indicated to Adrian she was pretty ticked off. The
next couple of hours were spent driving to Doc’s hideout, the OK Corral, while Igor was sharing
information regarding the kill. Adrian found out that a hit squad of thirteen assassins was looking for
them. It was around seven when they arrived at the hideout and Doc came out from the bushes, armed
“Actually, he is my guest,” responded Adrian. “He has requested asylum and I granted his request.”
“Asylum? Request? Are you losing it, Adrian? First Rumi goes on retreat and now you bring the
Doc paced back and forth and finally put his gun down and pointed to the hideout. It looked like a
normal wooded, two-story rustic house, except that it was a steel framework, with a wood exterior, and
invincible to small arms gunfire. Everyone entered fort OK Corral, hoping for some peace and quiet.
“If our roles were reversed,” replied Igor, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
It was around nine PM, and Adrian was reading Coyote Con, the book given him by Coyote. In the
book, there was a quote by Basil King. Be Bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Something
about the quote struck him, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. The hideout had many bedrooms and
He fell asleep around nine thirty, only to be awakened around two AM by Bubbles. She didn’t appear
to be in a playful mood and Adrian wondered what was wrong. She is trying to tell me something. He
switched on his mystic senses, which allowed him to pick up things from a distance. It’s almost like
watching a TV movie, filmed in a remote setting, except that he could see the impressions in his mind’s
eye.
What he detected wasn’t pretty. There were several men in infrared goggles and sporting large
weapons, led by the villain Scorpion, hiding in the surrounding woods. He didn’t believe Igor would
bring them here and risk his own life. He took the animals and ran downstairs, yelling for everyone to
get up. Doc and Igor were busy playing cards and Ann was awakened from a sound sleep.
“They’re here,” said Adrian. “Thirteen men, including Scorpion, heavily armed and set for the kill.”
Doc waved his gun at Igor and shouted, ”You brought them here.”
Adrian pushed Doc’s hand down and replied,” If he did, he would be committing suicide. Either you
“Good point kid. Take Ann and the animals and go into the kitchen. Igor and I will start firing and
The next couple of minutes found Igor and Doc initiating gunfire, while a heavy contingency of
artillery battered down on Doc’s house. Both vehicles were destroyed in the gunfire and shortly Adrian
His hand motioned to Ann to watch the animals, as he knew he had to summon help. Since Rumi was
gone, the only other person was Buddha Poonapepper and Adrian needed to meet him in the
dreamtime.
Adrian was now in the Philosopher’s Café, except that the café was dimly lit. There was an array of
candles lighting the room and all were about the same length. A thousand candles were lit and a tune
kept playing in the background. Back into his memory was the Theme from the Alfred Hitchcock Show
kept circulating in his mind. A thought stood inside his mind, like a fly stuck to sugar, while the tune
Funeral March of the Marionettes echoed in his mind. The next thought that entered was, this is not
good.
Inside, an elderly gentleman with a long mustache and baldhead was sipping tea, and Adrian
recognized him as Buddha Poonapepper. Buddha was the current head of the Rosisufists and a friend
of Adrian’s, an honorary member. Only the figure inside could aid him.
“Surely you, of all people, don’t concede eventual defeat by Scorpions hoards? There must be
“The only thing I know is prayer,” said Buddha. “Let’s try praying together.”
A passage from the Bible mentioned, where two or three are gathered together, there am I in the
midst of them. All he knew was that his human and animal friends would die shortly and there was
nothing he could do. The last thing he read was a passage from Coyote Con, where the book
highlighted the quote, be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid. It was a quote from Basil King,
His hands joined Buddha’s in prayer and felt a strange light illuminate the room. Both turned around
and noticed an old man carrying a lantern that Adrian recognized as Francis, a friend Rumi had sent to
guide him. Buddha was silent, as if he had spotted a ghost. This puzzled Adrian. The old man joined
Adrian closed his eyes and felt a storm emerging. It was not in the café but some distant place that
was not part of the dreamtime. He opened his eyes and Udi was gone, but Buddha Poonapepper was
still there. A miracle had passed, this much Adrian knew, but he wasn’t aware of its nature, as he
“My prayer was answered, wasn’t it?” asked Adrian, looking into Buddha’s eyes.
“You’re needed back there,” said Buddha. “I’ll contact Qutub and Iris and get some state police out
there. Hopefully, Doc and the newcomer can hold out till then.”
“You really don’t know?” asked Buddha. “That is the man who saved Rumi’s life from the storm and
Now Adrian knew who the stranger was and left the dreamtime quickly, only to notice a huge storm
with rain, thunder and lightening exploding across the night. Bubbles was holding on to him, along
with Ann, who had hold of Polly Morphine. In the background was gunfire and the yelling of Doc.
“I don’t know how you did it, since the weatherman predicted sunshine, but you just brought us some
breathing room.”
“But it won’t count in the long run without help. Who’s going to save us, the Lone Ranger?” yelled
Igor.
Bubbles looked at Adrian and he knew what was on her mind. Polly Morphine kept echoing Lone
Ranger, Lone Ranger. Adrian’s mind went back to the quote, be bold and mighty forces will come to
your aid. One force was the saint from Assisi and he knew who the other force must be. A call to
Coyote was standing, glowing in the dark, and watching the rain, except that Adrian was watching the
rain in Coyote’s form. Somehow, he could perceive what Coyote was sensing, even though he had no
control over his movements. There were horses nearby, which is how the villains sneaked up without
being heard. Outside were a pack of ordinary coyotes and Adrian noticed a mysterious force was
loosening the ropes tying the horses down. Coyote turned to the coyotes and said, “OK, children. You
go play with the horses, while I go entertain the guests,” prompting the horses to scatter and the coyotes
to chase them.
Adrian’s mind was linked with Coyote’s. He could see his thoughts flow, even though he couldn’t
control them. It was like watching a movie, except the movie was real. The rain, thunder and
lightening were pouring down on everything and Adrian could see Moose and Mojo with high power
firearms, pointed toward Doc’s hideout. Reconnaissance teams of two surrounded the woods – and
Coyote was aware of the plan, and would work with two at a time. It started as a normal battle, until
Coyote’s next thoughts echoed in his mind: I wonder what song I should sing? Hmm?
Next thing a banjo was playing and Coyote started singing she’ll be coming around the mountain.
Adrian could hear his own voice echo oh no and he saw Moose and Mojo turn around to see only the
rain pouring. There was a dumbfounded look on both their faces, as they looked at each other and
straight ahead. Mojo fired a round of ammo in the singer’s direction, but the banjo kept playing, and
“A fucking thunderstorm and some idiot is singing coming around the mountain,” yelled Mojo.
“He’s in the bushes,” replied Moose. “Let’s sneak around and corner him.”
The two men walked towards the bush from opposite directions, while Coyote sung the mountain
song. Mojo pulled out a pistol and fired at the bush. There was nothing to corner and Mojo went to
pick something creeping in the bush and yelled.
“Damn it,” said Mojo, holding his right hand. “It’s a damn porcupine.”
“But I found something and it feels smooth. It’s the same color as the night, except for this white line
Coyote shifted his voice to the bush behind the men and they turned around and fired a few rounds.
While Coyote sung the sleep with grandpa chorus, Adrian noticed a bunch of branches covering what
appeared to be a hole. The men snuck toward the bush and Adrian noticed a rope tied between the
crooks’ right legs, and Coyote then summoned his mojo to shove Moose into the hole, which was about
seven feet deep, with Mojo being dragged in on top. The impact knocked them both out, and Adrian
listened as Coyote continued to sing. He’s worse then Daffy Duck, thought Adrian.
The storm filled the hole with mud, courtesy of Assisi help, covering the men in a slushy prison.
Adrian was sure that if they regained consciousness and tried to climb out, they would fall back down,
due to the slippery slopes. A startling laugh filled his mind at the thought of porcupines and skunks,
thinking it would be good to indulge in humor – if nothing else, it would relieve the strain of battle
surrounding them. The song kept dancing in his mind, and he started to sing. The singing increased
his Coyote connection and he was aware of what Coyote experienced and the activities of those in
Doc’s pad.
The next event surprised even Adrian. Coyote, in his glow-in-the-dark form, walked over toward the
hole where Moose and Mojo had fallen. Coyote looked inside and noticed the two men were starting to
“I’m sorry, fellows. I really didn’t mean to put that skunk in the bushes. The porcupine was a
different matter, but the skunk? The idea stinks, if you ask me.”
“Gee, fellows. This mud will keep you slipping for hours and I must entertain the others. Goodbye,
you all!”
While Adrian was experiencing everything in Coyote’s form, he was also aware of being with Ann,
Polly Morphine, and Bubbles, experiencing the storm and the gunfire all around. Ann and Bubbles
held on to him, with Polly Morphine sitting besides him. Then a new experience totally surprised him,
Adrian was singing and really getting into the song. Ann was looking at him with a puzzled
expression and Bubbles started to smile, almost as if knowing what was happening. Firing guns kept
Doc and Igor busy, when Doc burst out, “What is happening there? Has Adrian lost it?”
“I’m not sure,” responded Ann. “He may be trying to give us a message.”
Adrian kept singing the song, like he was flooded with euphoria.
A new surprise occurred, when Bubbles picked up a pan and wooden spoon and started banging.
Ann, who was watching them both, suddenly echoed one word. Coyote. Yet Adrian was unprepared
for what happened next. Ann started singing along with Adrian, and he wasn’t sure if it was due to her
being scared, knowing that Coyote was helping, or just to divert her mind. Whatever the reason, he
was happy to have another singing partner.
“Either that, or they know something we don’t,” responded Igor, who was also busy firing.
Rocky Top
Oh, no! Please let this be a bad dream. You can’t be serious, are you? What do you think this
means? Here we are, in the mist of a heated battle, and you want to do this. Have you no shame?
Have you no pride? Why do you have to pick this, of all possibilities? I hate this! I really do! All my
friends hate this. The world hates this. Only people down in Tennessee love this. Why are you doing
this? Why? While Adrian’s thoughts kept trying to change the outcome, he knew that Coyote made up
his mind. Nothing could stop him from singing Rocky Top, which is filled with moonshine stills and
Vulture and Killjoy were closing in, inching their way towards Doc’s hideaway, despite the storm.
But a banjo melody and a terrible voice singing Rocky Top stopped them in their tracks. They turned
around and saw a glow-in-the-dark coyote singing Rocky Top and reacted with bursts of gunfire, only to
“I don’t know,” said Vulture. “It may be one of them David Copperfield tricks, an hallucination
caused by combat fatigue, or something from a Jim Carrie rendition of an Alfred Hitchcock film.”
As the two men backed away, Coyote kept singing about a moonshine still, the disappearance of the
federal revenuers, and how Tennessee boys like their corn in a jar. Adrian still couldn’t believe this was
happening, and then Vulture did a move that surprised him. From his side, he pulled out a perfectly
rounded hand grenade and threw it at Coyote. While Adrian waited for the explosion, as did the two
criminals, Coyote kept singing Rocky Top. There was no hand grenade explosion or even physical
The two men started running towards Coyote, but he scurried away, pretending to be frightened, but
kept on singing his song. More bullets shelled Coyote’s body, and they just passed right through. The
men approached a clearing and didn’t notice Coyote or any other abnormal phenomena, only the storm
and gunfire.
“I just don’t get it,” said Vulture. “I feel like I’m in a cartoon or something. First I see a radioactive
“And to top it off,” replied Killjoy, “these grenades are really expensive.”
“I’m really sorry, fellows,” echoed a voice in the background. “I know how expensive good
explosives can be these days. You can’t go to the nearest WalMart and buy one, so I’m returning this to
you.”
As they saw a hand grenade fly towards them, Vulture and Killjoy started running. The grenade
exploded a few feet behind them, but the resulting blast knocked them both toward the ground, and the
resulting concessionary force knocked them both for a loop. Coyote appeared again in his normal
form.
“I’m very sorry, fellows. I didn’t know how expensive these things could be; otherwise, I would
never have taken it. As soon as I realized the error of my ways, I attempted to return this item
promptly. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln once took a penny back to a farmer, and walked several
miles in the snow, just to help him chop down a cherry tree? Or was that George Washington, who
crossed the Delaware to return a spare oar? Oh, I get so confused by American history. Will you boys
join me for tea sometime and give me a few pointers? Maybe we should make it coffee, since the
colonists revolved against the tea tax and threw the tea overboard. Fellows, forgive my manners. I
could gab for hours about important subjects, like whether the colonists secretly preferred coffee to tea,
but I see you boys are tired and need a nap. Let me go entertain the others with some song and dance.”
Adrian was happy that one thing was over – he didn’t have to hear another chorus of Rocky Top and
wished Coyote would stick with She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain. Instead, two more men were
down for the kill and he thought that there were eight more, not including Scorpion. Before this night
would end, Adrian would have his fill of mountain, bluegrass, and country music.
Snake and Viper were two of the deadliest killers around, and if you so much as squint, they would
kill you for disturbing their view. When Coyote started singing his Blow the Man Down, he sounded
like a frog pleading for his life in a biology lab. Even Adrian thought it was the worst singing he ever
heard, and he was busy pondering what was worse: dying at the hands of killers or listening to Coyote
kill the frogs with his voice. The villains were being truthful, since they didn’t spot Coyote yet.
“What the fuck is that?” questioned Viper. “It sounds like a patient whose anesthesia gave out.”
“Where in the fuck is it coming from?” asked Snake. “Did they revive the Spanish Inquisition?”
“The Spanish what?” asked Viper. “Is that some new sexual position?”
“It’s coming behind that rock,” said Snake. “Let’s check it out.”
The next couple of minutes Coyote devoted to the ship song. Yet in the coming moments, Adrian
found some stanzas from the song hilarious, given the circumstances. He was especially taken with the
lines, if you give me some grog, I’ll sing you a song, I’ll help you along with the toe of my boot, and his
favorite was you’d split your sides laughing at the sights you will see. And now these dumbbells will
turn around, and shoot the rock, thinking they caught the singer.
The two villains crept up on the rock, and started to fire upon it, only to confront the bare ground.
The song ceased to be, much to Adrian’s relief, only to be sung from an overhead tree. The two men
looked up and saw a Coyote head in the tree, singing the song.
“I’m terribly sorry, fellows,” replied Coyote. “I heard the Three Tenors are getting together and may
The men started shooting at Coyote, with the bullets having no effect. Viper was careless where he
was stepping, and triggered a rope that snagged his ankle and suspended him upside down from the
tree. Snake stopped shooting and tried to reach Viper, but couldn’t grab him or climb the tree to save
him.
“I wouldn’t worry too much,” replied Coyote. “I think he wants to hang around a bit.”
While Snake was looking at his partner, a branch flew down from the tree, knocking him out. Viper
was swearing and swinging upside down, while Adrian was happy Coyote momentarily stopped
singing. And now this goofy friend wants to lecture the bad guys on musical scales. I think it is do, ra,
“I’m really sorry about this key,” said Coyote. “I don’t follow the sheet music. Is it in B flat, or C
sharp or F minor? If I start singing the scales, I find the deer but not the doe. Ray went to find the
gun, so he can shoot me. Me am that wonderful singing creature, who does the fa la la, but doesn’t run
a long ways. How does the rest of that go? Oh, yes. You take tea with jam and bread, and la follows a
note doe wrote, see is something I said, which will bring us back to doe. You don’t have a five I can
“Get the fuck away from me, you freak,” said Viper, swinging upside down from the tree.
“You don’t have to get upset,” replied Coyote. “I wonder if it’s something I said. I mustn’t keep the
customers waiting.”
I don’t believe Coyote is doing this. Here is this storm a blowing and all, and these bad guys with all
this firepower are getting wet, and he finally does something right. He’s singing a song about a pretty
land from Texas. Instead of a goofy song about making moonshine in Tennessee or revenuers who have
lost their way, looking for a moonshine still, never to be seen again – or a Tennessee lady that’s wild as
a mink and sweet as soda pop, he’s singing the song The Yellow Rose of Texas. Finally he’s getting
Of course, Wolverine and Badger, two of the deadliest killers this side of Frank and Jessie, didn’t
appreciate a song about a yellow rose. Their only thoughts were concerned with destroying everyone
inside Doc’s cabin. As they kept battling the weather and firing away, Badger was the first to break his
fire and look around. Now he does his I want to be a head and sing.
In the distance, was a glow-in-the-dark Coyote head, positioned on a rock and wearing a ten-gallon
“Hey, Wolverine. Did you slip a drug in my beer a couple of hours ago?”
“Hell no, man. But someone else may have done so.”
Both men took some shots at the singing head, but the bullets passed through. Wolverine took out a
knife and inched forward, while the head sung about this beautiful girl from Texas, who was such a
beautiful gem and how this man craved her so. Is this guy so dumb as to try to stab Coyote? As
Wolverine came within reach of the head, he took his knife and tried to stab it, only to have the head
disappear before his knife connected. And I know what is coming next. He will imitate a goofy grade
B movie where gas overcomes everyone. As if on cue, both men were covered by a mysterious gas,
which caused them to burst out laughing.
“It’s so funny,” laughed Wolverine. “Imagine a singing head that glows in the dark?”
“And not only that,” snickered Badger. “He’s singing a terrible country song, about a yellow tulip.”
“You fool,” laughed Badger, slapping Wolverine’s back with his hand. “It’s not a yellow tulip. It’s a
The next five minutes, the two men were laughing and arguing about whether the flower was green,
red or blue and if the flower was a tulip, carnation or stinkweed, while The Yellow Rose of Texas kept
playing in the background. And this gas is Coyote crazy gas, which should keep them busy for hours,
As they kept laughing, they rolled around on the ground, like Curly on a toot. And before you know it,
he will give me a doze of that medicine, and I’ll become as crazy as he is.
Now I like being able to see though both Coyote’s eyes and my own, back at the ranch. This is really
neat. But Adrian was in two worlds, seeing through the eyes of Coyote and being physically inside the
cabin. He was singing the song, with Ann accompanying him vocally and Bubbles banging on a pan
with a wooden spoon. The storm continued in the night and Doc and Igor kept shooting.
“Has everyone lost their fucking minds?” asked Doc. “Is everyone singing The Yellow Rose of
Texas?”
“I don’t know what the fuck Adrian’s up to,” shouted Igor, “but whatever it is, I hope he keeps
singing. Have you noticed for every song he sings, there are fewer gunshots around us?”
“Come to think of it, the kid must be doing some hoodoo voodoo trip,” replied Doc. “Keep singing,
It seemed like the appropriate song, and one Adrian was definitely familiar with. What do you do
with a drunken sailor talks about a sailor having a few too many and the crew wondering what do, so
Slick and Ox were the typical muscle men, and would be caught by surprise to see a glow-in-the-
dark, singing coyote. As with the other gunslingers, they tried filling the coyote with lead, which
Ox saw something flashing underneath his feet. It was a boomerang, which glowed in the dark –
flashing on and off. Inscribed in the boomerang were the words hit coyote with boomerang. Ox started
“Hey, look man. We have this singing hallucination or someone playing a trick. But this boomerang
“And if it’s a bomb? Just back up a few feet, just in case,” replied Slick.
“You are always the brain,” said Ox, as he stepped back a few feet.
As Coyote continued to sing about the drunken sailor, Ox cocked his arm back, like a major league
pitcher, and threw the boomerang. It came within two feet of Coyote and disappeared. Both men
looked for the weapon. A laughing Adrian anticipated what would happen next.
As he addressed the question, it came speeding from behind, hitting him in the head and knocking
him out. As Ox fell, Slick grabbed the boomerang and addressed Coyote.
“You’re probably a trick of Doc’s or Adrian, to scare us off. Well, you don’t scare me and you won’t
get me to fall for that trick. I’ll stand in front of this tree and if it comes from behind, it will hit the
tree.”
Slick threw the boomerang and watched it reach Coyote, and disappear two feet from the animal.
Slick’s smiling form looked for the boomerang to hit the tree. Instead, it fell from the sky, hitting him
“I’m terribly sorry,” said Coyote, looking at the two unconscious victims. “I know that I need to
study physics sometime. Never quite got the hang of it. All I know is that Newton was taking a nap
under an apple tree, when an apple hit him in the head. And Einstein couldn’t tell the difference
between matter and energy, and he thought he was a square – or is that squared? And someone
invented the Quantum world – or is that discovered it? And they can believe things like a particle can
be in two places at once, and you can travel backwards in time and space, and a thousand strange and
unusual puzzles. Yet if you tell them about glow-in-the-dark, singing coyote, they think you’re crazy.
But the quantum world is much stranger and harder to believe. And boomerangs, mind you. Never
The two villains awoke, and started rubbing their heads, only to have a boomerang fly past them,
“I hope I’m not boring you fellows. Fellows? I didn’t mean to put you asleep with my physics
lecture.”
If the men heard a word of the lecture, they didn’t acknowledge it in any way. Before Adrian became
aware of more bad guys, he heard Coyote sing an Elvis Presley verse. She wrote upon it: Return to
Oh my Darling Clementine
About a mile from Doc’s hideout, there was a creek guarded by Bear and Tiger, and patrolled by a
bloodhound named Chopper. The plan was to track down and prevent any escapees, should any
survive the assault. But Chopper started barking and pulling on his leash, with Bear attempting to
restrain him. In the distance, a glow-in-the-dark coyote head, stuck out of the bushes across the creek,
singing Oh my Darling Clementine. The song talked about a man loving the woman Clementine,
working in a mine, and pining over his lost love. The worst part for Adrian was the song was sung in B
flat, with a C sharp background, and the poor girl died – probably from Coyote’s singing.
Tiger pulled out a pistol and shot at the singer. The head disappeared, only to emerge to the men’s
left. Chopper sniffed the air, trying to catch a non-existent scent. The singing head was positioned on
another bush, with Tiger taking another shot. The bush head sung about Clementine, while Bear
unleashed the dog collar and Chopper ran across the creek, where the Coyote sang. Bear listened for
the dog to tear the coyote apart, but no barking was heard. Instead, the bloodhound came back toward
them, with something tied to its tail. Tiger and Bear noticed a lit stick of dynamite taped with duct tape
to the bloodhound’s tail and started to run. Chopper thought the men were playing and chased after
them, in the pouring thunderstorm. They ran about five miles and the bloodhound was beside them.
There was a sound that resembled a firecracker, but no explosion. When they turned around, there was
While the men pondered the trick, a big net descended from the tree under which they stood. The
more they tried to free themselves, the tighter the net became, entangling them. They squirmed like
flies wrestling in a spider web. What they didn’t hear was a silent dog whistle, and what they didn’t see
was the dog’s leash tired around his neck and to the net. The dog kept pulling in the whistle’s direction,
with the men getting more snagged with each moment, and the mud kept the men sliding and falling
down.
Adrian couldn’t help but laugh. All but Scorpion were accounted for, and he probably realized his
plans went haywire and started retreating. Coyote wouldn’t stop the escape, but would leave Scorpion
to Adrian for a direct confrontation.
The music had stopped and with it, Adrian’s singing. And when Adrian decided to stop, so did Ann’s
singing and Bubbles’ playing. He was focusing his mental hyper senses on a couple of helicopters,
containing a state police strike force. The efforts of Buddha and company succeeded, along with the
rain subsiding, and the gunfire sounds. It didn’t take Doc and Igor long to discover that nobody was
“Don’t tell me you stopped them,” said Doc, looking at him and a smiling Bubbles.
“It’s over,” said Ann, watching Adrian going over to the window.
Igor, Doc and Ann walked toward the window, only to discover an old man waving, as he
disappeared into the bushes. Francis was saying goodbye to everyone, only to allow a more
mysterious sight to spring forth. In the distance, a coyote form glowed in the dark, front paw waving,
and then disappeared into the night. A couple of helicopters landed, and everyone watched the police
“There’s only one thing I don’t understand,” said Doc. “How did they find us?”
“I think I can answer that,” said Adrian, blushing. “I lost the map in the cowboy bar.”
“You know, son,” said Doc. “It’s times like this when I don’t know if I should shoot you or nominate
About five minutes later, a couple of officers knocked on Doc’s pad, and Doc answered the door.
“What happened out there?” asked one officer. “It looks like world war three took place.”
“Those men were trying to kill us,” said Ann. “It’s about time we tell the story.”
“On the way back,” said the officer. “Now we need to get everyone to the station and get some
statements.”
Everyone was accounted for except Scorpion, and Doc told Adrian he scored a major victory. Down
at the station, lawyer friends of Doc’s, from the firm of Shyster, Cheetam, and Chisel, met Adrian and
friends. The lawyers convinced the officers that Adrian was suffering from mental hallucinations,
But the bad guys told tales of being outfoxed by a singing coyote, who glowed in the dark. The
district attorney quickly arranged plea bargains with the bad guys’ attorneys. Everyone would plead
guilty, in exchange for suppressing details of a glow in the dark, singing coyote.
Couple of state psychiatrists examined Adrian, found to be perfectly sane based on their
observations, and ruled that he made up the singing coyote story. Others just started to believe him,
due to his ethical nature. The offered him police protection from Scorpion, but he declined.
Police issued an APB for Scorpion, but he either fled the area or was in hiding. Adrian went back to
Doc’s pad, and Igor gave operational details of Scorpion’s plans in exchange for entering the witness
protection program.
The long arm of the law is finely catching up to the bad guys Adrian thought.
Because the criminal operations extended into other states, the FBI was assisting the investigation
and aided Montana state police in shutting down the bikers. But Scorpion was still at large, so Ann
The sheriff committed suicide when police arrived to question him. His assistant, Hack Hickman,
was immediately made acting sheriff and would continue working with state and federal officials to
track Scorpion. Yet Adrian knew Coyote left Scorpion for him to deal with, and no police, Coyote, or
Rosisufists could aid him. He needed to outwit Scorpion and draw him into a trap – but how? He
Sam Shyster, Chuck Cheetah, and Clarence Chisel personally met their clients down at Folsom county
detention center, where county and state officials were detaining the bikers. Hack Hickman was in
charge of questioning, with Adrian, busily reading Coyote Con, waited in an adjacent room with Doc,
Bubbles, and Polly Morphine. Ann was in the questioning room as a witness, accompanied by the
lawyers.
“Don’t worry, kid,” said Doc. “They’re the best lawyers in the state – maybe in the country.”
“I’m sure they are,” replied Adrian, busily reading the book. “This is a great trick. It’s called a kick
“Kick in the ass of time?” Asked Doc. “What in the hell is that?”
“If you take a bad guy, like Moose,” said Adrian, “you can send a remote kick in the ass that will
“Kick in the ass of time. Kick in the ass of time,” parroted Polly Morphine.
Bubbles started cracking up, rolling around on the floor in circles. Doc bent over and gave her a stern
look, inspiring her to mosey to a corner chair and sit down. The door from the interrogation room
opened, and Ann walked into the room. A deputy yelled in a stern voice, “next.”
“I know I shouldn’t do this, but I could use some company. Do you mind if I take the animals with
“Why not?” Asked the deputy. “We have enough animals caged here already.”
Adrian held Bubbles, and Polly Morphine sat on his shoulder, as he walked into the room.
“This is the district attorney, Tom Terrific,” said the deputy. “Your lawyers are Mr. Chisel, Mr.
Hack was wearing his orange hat, and Polly Morphine caught sight of it, remembering its attraction
from the bar. He flew on top of Hack’s head and started bobbing his head, while Hack looked up into
“Don’t tell me you’re mixed up in this,” replied Hack. “If it’s not enough for me to be involved in
“You two know each other?” asked Adrian, looking a bit surprised.
“Unfortunately,” he responded.
“I have gotten some statements for the others,” responded Tom Terrific. “Do you mind a few
questions?”
“Chuck and Clarence need to talk with Ann and Doc,” said Sam Shyster. “I will be here to represent
you.”
Adrian watched the door open and the two gentlemen exit. Bubbles, sitting in a chair, waved
goodbye. Now the only three gentlemen with Adrian were Tom, Hack, and Sam. While Hack took out
a pen and paper, ready to take notes, Polly Morphine flew down to his shoulder and spotted a piece of
licorice hanging from his pocket and grabbed it with his beak, prompting Bubbles to burst out in
laughter.
“Now cut that out,” said Hick, trying to look professional. “Let me look at my notes. These men
said Scorpion hired them to kill your group, but they were caught in a downpour, met up with a singing
coyote, which glowed in the dark, and were ultimately defeated and outwitted by this cleverish fiend.
And they claim this critter is friends with you, an escapee from the insane asylum. Is this correct?”
“Objection, your honor,” said Sam. “Tom and myself have agreed that all references to this story
“You see,” said Tom, looking at Hack. “If we brought this case to court, and say how these men were
defeated, we would be the laughing stock of the state, maybe even the entire country. I thought we
“Laughing stock. Woo! Woo! “ Crackled Polly Morphine, causing Bubbles to laugh.
“How come, with you and that monkey around,” said Hack, looking at the parrot, “I feel like I’m in a
Hack took some notes and looked at Adrian. He poured a cup of coffee and offered Adrian a cup.
Adrian walked over and took a decaffeinated brew with cream. As Hack continuing with his notes, a
Hack heard a police whistle blow and a fight from the lockup, and an announcement over the
loudspeaker.
“Send reinforcements. We have a riot in the holding cell,” the speaker said.
“Now what?” Shouted Hack. “First I hear someone say kick in ass and the next moment, I hear a riot
“Kick in ass. Kick in ass,” parroted Polly Morphine, bobbing his head up and down. Bubbles was
rolling around her chair, while Tom and Sam stood silently, wondering what the problem was. A
“There’s a brawl taking place. A fight has broken out and the officers are breaking it up, even as we
speak.”
“Do you know what started it?” asked Adrian; putting on an innocent Bubbles look.
“One of the prisoners claimed another kicked him in the ass,” said the deputy. “Can you believe
that?”
“Kick in ass. Kick in ass,” echoed the parrot, as the deputy shut the door.
“You shut up,” said Hack. “Whenever you show up, trouble is always hanging around.”
Adrian continued to maintain his innocent look, while Bubbles continued her crazy laughter. As
Adrian sipped his coffee, his mind drifted into thought. What do you know? The kick in the ass of time
works like a charm. I need to continue to read that Coyote Con book a bit more. I wonder where Hack
met Polly Morphine? I remember that movie where Stan Laurel is lost in the war, knocked out for
twenty years, and goes back and visits his friend Oliver Hardy. Those two get along in a similar
fashion. Scorpion is still among the missing, waiting to touch base again. Until I address that problem,
“Just thinking how you and the parrot get along. Where did you meet him?”
“Unfortunately, it was a murder investigation,” said Hack. “He was the only one volunteering
information, and if I put him on the stand, it would be worse then that coyote story.”
“I remember where the Stooges were in court, and a parrot was the main witness, both in the case and
“That’s one of my favorite episodes,” said Sam. “Remember where Curly was asked to remove his
hat, and kept putting it back on, when he kept confusing what the judge said?”
“I remember that episode now,” said Tom. “The parrot had a note tied to his leg, and he got out of his
“And Curly got the water hose stuck, trying to get the parrot wet, and got everyone in the court
By now, everyone was laughing, except for Hack, looking around at three men, a monkey and a
parrot, beside themselves in laughter.
“I hate the Stooges,” said Hack, looking at the parrot. “For all I know, it could have been your father
A deputy opened the door and announced, “the prisoner situation is now under control.”
After the deputy closed the door, Hack continued to pace back and forth, with the parrot continuing to
bob his head and squawk. The routine questions continued, with the investigators trying to learn what
happened, without bringing in the supernatural. The main focus was the death warrant the group has
been a part of, and the resulting ambush the bikers initiated at Doc’s pad. Doc’s legal team kept the
questioning brief, and would continue to work with them afterwards. When Adrian’s questioning
subsided, he took Bubbles in his arms and Polly Morphine flew unto his shoulder, as he headed toward
the door.
Doc went into the interrogation, while Adrian talked with Ann and the other two defense attorneys.
His mind drifted. I find myself inside a prison, thinking about how things turned out. The head is still
out there, and he is probably coming for me. I know they offered police protection, and Ann will be
accepting it, but Doc and Rumi will decline, and I probably should also. If Scorpion is to be dealt
Buy Me A Rose
There were two things Adrian had to do. He had to visit the church, and accompanied Doc to the
insurance office. Rumi had returned from his retreat, and he traveled with Adrian, Ann and Bubbles to
the church. Polly Morphine was staying with Doc and Ann’s police guard followed them and remained
“I would be upset if you didn’t,” responded Dorothy. “And I have something interesting for you. It
She handed him a rose, with a note attached to it reading everything is now complete, which he
passed around to everyone, while Bubbles pretended to be studying it, as she held the note.
“Let me prepare the tea, while you folks talk,” said Dorothy. “Follow me into the parlor.”
Bubbles looked at the rose and nodded her head. The group made their way towards the parlor,
where Dorothy had the tea kettle boiling, and all the amenities laid out: lemon, cream, sugar, and sugar
substitute. There was a plate of cookies for the humans and a banana for Bubbles. She poured
Adrian sipped his tea, as the group talked about spiritual matters, like Rumi’s recent retreat and
receiving the rose. Nothing was mentioned about the singing, glow in the dark coyote or the battle with
armed villains. Bubbles focused on her banana, while thoughts kept ringing in Adrian’s head. What
does the full rose mean? What should be done about Scorpion? If only Sherlock Holmes were alive
and well. I’ll bet Doctor Watson and Sherlock would apprehend Scorpion and fix this problem. I
remember all the old books I read, where Doctor Watson… Is Doctor Watson a blooming idiot, like the
old American movies portray him, or his he almost as smart as Holmes, like the British movies portray
“I was just thinking about Sherlock Holmes, and all the books and movies he starred in,” replied
Adrian.
“I see you are wearing your green Sherlock Holmes hat and red hunting jacket,” replied Dorothy.
Bubbles, who was sitting on the table, grabbed the hat and put in on, causing everyone to laugh.
“I think our Holmes has an assistant,” responded Rumi, who was also caught up in the laughter.
“If we borrow one of Doc’s pipes, she be a dead ringer,” replied Ann.
The minutes passed and everyone finished his or her tea and conversation. Adrian wanted to see the
statue, and walked over to where Mary was, while Rumi joined him, as the others waited by the door.
Adrian felt a gentle light and warmth embracing Rumi and himself. Both stood still, as the seconds
passed, while the radiance was overwhelming then ended a while later. Nobody else felt anything but
“We should be going now,” said Rumi, walking toward the front with Adrian.
That afternoon, Doc, Adrian, and Bubbles traveled to the insurance office of Rubin Twiddle, Doc’s
personal agent. Doc had to file a claim and Rubin wanted to ask some questions. When they arrived,
Rubin was flipping through an H.P. Lovecraft book. He looked up for the book and saw the three
familiar faces.
“Sit down and let’s review this claim,” said Rubin, sipping coffee.
“Open and shut, my ass,” replied Rubin. “According to this report, you were on a vacation retreat
from some bad men, who ambushed your vehicle and turned it into Swiss cheese. And I understand
that your pal Adrian was the intended victim. Now this car, when I examined it, make the car Bonnie
and Clyde met their end with look like a BMW, fresh from the assembly line. First you file a claim
when a bomb blew up your first vehicle, and now you file one when they need an auto stunt double for
“It’s not all his fault really,” responded Adrian jokingly. “It’s an open and shot case.”
While Rubin was arguing with Doc and Adrian, Bubbles picked up the book Rubin was reading. The
book was filled with pictures, which she founded amusing. There was a pen on the desk, and she began
drawing pictures. For the Innsmouth Shadow, She drew an x. The Dunwich Horror received a circle;
Cthulhu got some zigzags, while the rest got dots and dashes. Rubin turned around and noticed his
“Oh no,” he cried, grabbing the book away from Bubbles. “She’s defiling the defilables.”
“I need to review this claim,” said Rubin. “You say your vehicle was filled with enough holes to
make Swiss cheese crumpets. Now I am familiar with Swiss and cheese, while crumpets are a delicacy
British folks eat with tea. But for the life of me, I have never seen a Swiss cheese crumpet, as your
report states.”
“ But the most unexplainable thing is this water. The officers mentioned the ground was wet. There
were reports by the prisoners that it rained; yet it was perfectly dry that day. Then there were the
reports about a glow in the dark coyote singing songs. And all the men were either immobilized or out
of commission, by some strange and unexplainable means. Then they tell me Adrian can talk to this
creature, since he escaped from the asylum. What should I make of these reports?” asked Rubin.
“From what I understand from my attorneys,” replied Doc. “All that will be stricken from the
records, since the men are cutting deals with the district attorney.”
“You see,” responded Rubin. “Lovecraft crafted some of the best horror fiction. Yet that’s all there is,
son – fiction. Yet all his stories could be believed. I can certainly believe in a text called The
Necronomicon or the Music of Erich Zann, before I would entertain a singing coyote.”
While the men were arguing, Bubbles turned to the introduction, picked up a pen and started
marking. Doc noticed her scribbling and quickly grabbed the pen and book. Adrian then looked at the
book and held it up. It was part of the introduction, where Lovecraft is making a statement that
Bubbles marked. The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest
“Now don’t tell me that monkey can read Lovecraft,” said Rubin. “And you, Doc. Don’t file any
more reports of vehicles blown up by bombs or filled with machine gun fire.”
“Well, Doc,” said Adrian. “I won’t tell him Bubbles can read and you keep your car away from
“Point conceded,” said Doc, who had to complete the insurance forms.
together entertaining a toot. Everyone begged him not to do it, but he wouldn’t listen. Ann pleaded
with him, reminding him of their mutual love. Doc said it was foolish and dangerous, while Rumi said
it lacked common sense. Only Coyote seemed to approve, but would not say why. Once everyone
Adrian felt that poetic inspiration could only come at night, while sitting in a rocker and seeking fresh
air and light from the window. But this new routine didn’t go unnoticed. Scorpion was aware the
police were seeking him, but he needed revenge on the person who ruined him. For days, under a
suffocated disguise, he had been monitoring Adrian. In a wooden area overlooking Doc’s pad, he was
positioned on a hillside, with a rifle. Adrian’s silhouette reflected off the moonbeams, and every few
minutes, which changed positions to alleviate boredom. Scorpion positioned the rifle at Adrian’s head
and fired, knocking his prey to the ground and scoring a clean hit. Tonight, for all practical purposes,
With his chore finished, Scorpion watched for any moment and didn’t see anyone get up. Yet the
next few seconds would shake that confidence. Someone knocked the gun from him and a wristlock
sent him rolling along the ground. He recovered quickly and positioned himself in a karate stance, only
The figure stood silently and Scorpion lunged at it, with a flying kick, only to have the figure duck
underneath, so the biker lost his balance. There was a ferocious battle-taking place, and the biker was
an excellent martial artist. But the figure not only countered the moves, but also appeared to sense how
his opponent moved. In the darkness, both men relied on instinct – only one was better adopted at
using it. A karate kick, perfectly executed, was deflected and the kick’s momentum carried the villain
rolling along the ground. Scorpion quickly stood up, and rapidly executed several kicks and punches in
succession, only to have the figure avoid them, and use the biker’s momentum to propel him to the
ground. The fight continued for ten minutes, with the opponent gaining the upper hand, and using
Scorpion’s own momentum each time to move him towards the ground.
Inside Scorpion’s left boot was a small derringer. He pulled out the gun, only to freeze momentarily
upon hearing a gun hammer click. Looking up, Doc Holliday was pointing a thirty-eight straight at
him. He dropped the derringer, and looked into the eyes of Adrian, still trying to figure out what
happened.
“Smart move,” said Doc, “Dropping the gun that way. In case you are wondering, the police are on
“A dummy disguised like him, thanks to an artist friend Ann knows and a robotics professor I know,”
“While you were stalking me, I was stalking you,” said Adrian, ready to resume his Aikido moves,
It sounded like a good idea, especially when we were at the insurance office and Sherlock Holmes
came to mind. When the folks thought Sherlock was dead, there was a big demand to revive him. The
end result was a story called the Empty House, where a dummy was used to trick a sharpshooter. I’m
been using my enhanced mystical senses and I could pick up Scorpion. When I talked to the others
about it, they thought I lost my mind – but if it worked for Holmes, it will work for me. After a bit of
persuasion, everyone agreed to help me. I stalked Scorpion in the woods, waiting for him to strike,
before ambushing him. I sent a message to Rumi, who sent Doc up, while Ann called the police.
A siren interrupted Adrian’s thoughts and he saw three armed men approach, one being Hack
“I don’t suppose you have that parrot hiding somewhere nearby?” asked Hack.
Adrian watched, as Scorpion was lead away. My life has come full circle, and it began with a meeting
with Scorpion and ended with another meeting. Now I realize my life is to be a shaman, but lead the
mystic Christian life, and help others with that role. Inside all of us, there lives a Rumi, Adrian,
Bubbles, Doc, Coyote, and Scorpion. Only one can be our dominant personality. I had to go through
the darkness in order to uncover the light. But there are a few loose ends to tie up first. I need to have
some quiet time with Ann and Rumi mentioned a journey I need to take, to find some final answers.
“If that is the only villain and the parrot is far away,” replied Hack. “I’m going back to the office.
Stop by tomorrow for a statement and don’t bring the parrot or monkey.”
Adrian watched as Hack walked away and turned his head, looking at Doc.
The next day, Adrian made a statement for Hack and returned to Doc’s place to see Rumi. Tomorrow
Adrian would be seeing Running Deer, a Native American medicine man Rumi knew, who would help
Adrian find answers. It would be an ordeal for him, since Adrian would be on a quest for four days –
without food or water. But tonight, he would be taking Ann on a date – to a swing dance club – without
dragging along Bubbles or Polly Morphine. Rumi and Doc agreed to baby sick the two pets. Tonight
walked towards Ann’s car. She was dressed in a nice, blue dress, with white shoes, and a red ribbon
covering her hair. Adrian was in a blue suit, with a red tie, when he opened the passenger side and got
in.
“You look quite the handsome gent yourself,” replied Ann, blushing.
“Just think. We get to spend an evening without Coyote, Bubbles, Polly Morphine, or criminals. Just
It took them about twenty minutes to arrive and park the car. Adrian took Ann’s arm and together
they walked into Swing City, a roaring twenties club and speakeasy. The waiter, David Mothproof,
“That’s a fiend of my cousin Vinnie,” replied Adrian. “He promised to get a good discount for us.”
“Allow me to present the menu,” said David. “We have some fine wines and great appetizers. Would
you care to savor our wine list or review our appetizer list?”
“They are called the Chattanooga Chowchow Irregulars,” replied David. “They are a great band and
“It sounds like a professional band, judging by the name,” said Adrian.
He spent the next hour engaged in small talk, in addition to ordering wine for Ann and appetizers for
both. When they got ready for dinner, Adrian signaled David to the table.
“We are ready to order,” said Adrian, seeing David stop by. “Do you have frog legs?”
“I’m terribly sorry,” responded David. “I’m studying to be a stand up comedian. With this waiter gig,
I’m doing half the job anyway. I’m always standing up.”
“Anyway,” Adrian replied. “I’ll have the halibut and the lady will have the chicken cacciatore.”
“One order for the hell of it and another for the chicken satchel Tory,” responded David, with nobody
The band got to the stage and set up their equipment, which was a six-piece orchestra with Sax,
piano, horns, and base fiddle, whom the m.c. introduced as the band from down under, the Chattanooga
Chowchow Irregulars, with prompted many dance couples to start and Adrian asking Ann to dance.
“I would be delighted to accept this dance with such a charming gentlemen,” replied Ann.
The next few minutes found them joining other couples on the dance floor, having a great time, even
if neither knew how to dance – but neither did the majority of dancers. Most of the tunes played in the
succeeding two hours found them dancing, except when they ate their meals. Now they carried on like
lost lovers to be parted. Tonight Adrian would dance and enjoy himself, but tomorrow he would begin
“I see the waiter coming back with dessert,” said Adrian. “We told him to wait half an hour, so we
should go back.”
They book got back to the table, in time to meet the waiter.
“I bring cheery pie and care it cake,” said Dave. “But the coffee got fresh, so we had to ground it.
Feel free to crème it, but just don’t stir things up too much. They look black enough as it is.”
“Are you going to school for your comedy lessons?” asked Adrian.
“Why, yes. I’m taking lessons at Second to Last City,” responded David.
“If you hadn’t have told me, I would never have guessed,” said Ann.
“Be careful of the pie. It’s kind of sweet on you,” David said, as he poured the coffee and exited.
They both finished their desert and spent the rest of the evening talking and bonding, when a couple
of the band members stopped over too their table. The tall one took over a wig, revealing Doc
Holliday, while another sagely looking one removed his hairpiece, to reveal Rumi.
“We thought we surprise you,” said Doc. “The band members are friends of mine, so we took your
idea about disguises, and decided to surprise you. Isn’t this wonderful? And Bubbles and Polly
“Wonderful, wonderful!” responded Adrian, with his thoughts caught between David’s corny jokes
and spending more time with his friends. So much for a romantic evening!
Adrian’s visions
It was morning and Doc took Adrian and Rumi to a remote forest, where Adrian was instructed to
look for a burning fire, with the smell of burning sage, while Ann would baby-sit the pets. As Doc’s
vehicle passed along a country road, Adrian spotted the fire and smelled sage through his rolled down
Rumi and Adrian took their backpacks and traveled a clearly marked trail Rumi took many times
before. About two miles up, along a creek was a trailer, with a Ford pickup next too it, and where an
elderly gentlemen, Running Deer, came up to meet them. He was about five four, Native American
“Light Runner, how are you doing?” asked Running Deer, giving Rumi a hug. “So this must be
Adrian. I heard so much about you. You’re the friend of the crazy and wise one.”
Running Deer reached out to hug Adrian and he returned the gesture.
“My name given to me by Running Deer, signifying my enlightenment in the Island,” replied Rumi.
“Has Rumi briefed you regarding your vision quest?” asked Running Deer.
The next few minutes, Running Deer pulled out his pipe to bring their prayers and God closer
together. The pipe was lit, Adrian was instructed on how to smoke, and the pipe was passed among the
three. Each took a turn praying for Adrian’s success in his vision quest, while Running Deer finished
smoking the pipe, and put it back into its carrying case.
“I give you a blanket that you wear around yourself. Take care, my friend,” responded Running Deer.
The night sky surrounded the landscape, and Adrian waived goodbye to Rumi and Running Deer,
heading out into the forest. He came across a tree he felt comfortable with, and sat cross-legged. It
was the afternoon of the first day, without food or water, and Adrian was still in quiet meditation.
He opened his eyes, when he envisioned a faint light. Inside he saw two figures, lighting up the sky.
One was Mary, surrounded by roses, each giving off a radiant glow, and the other was Francis, the
Christian saint of Assisi, with a radiant ash flowing from him. Mary’s right hand opened and she
dropped a medallion, being bathed in the light from the roses and ash, with the word gatekeeper
engraved on it. Both figures looked down at the medallion, and Adrian knew he was to have it. He
picked it up, examined it, and found an engraved dove on each side, with a small hole to insert a chain,
along with the word gatekeeper. Mary and Francis blessed the medallion, so he put it around his neck,
which prompted both figures to banish. He knew the dove the redeeming power of the Holy Spirit,
and spent the night in meditation. Everything was peaceful, as the sun appeared to rise.
The second day brought another vision. In the horizon, was a door with Francis holding a torch
found in ancient Greece. Francis then lit a pipe with the torch, and offered it to Adrian, whom he
invited to smoke with him. Upon lighting the pipe and inhaling the smoke, Adrian was filled with an
expanded oneness of God and the universe, which he perceived as an invitation to embrace the ancient
Another nice of peace, with owls hooting in the background, guided Adrian through the night, and
The morning of the third day found Ann approaching a Catholic church, with Adrian by her side, and
a wedding procession taking place, officiated by a priest. In the background, behind the priest, was a
vision of Christ and Mary, who in unison said “welcome home Adrian.” As Adrian reflected on the
words welcome home Adrian, he knew he would always be visited by the mystical forms of Christ and
Mary.
Another day and night passed, and he continued his meditation. This time, he was awakened by
another vision. In it, he saw Coyote, Bubbles, and Polly Morphine laughing and enjoying life. Then he
came to a realization: The Coyote was leading Bubbles and Polly Morphine in their tricks. Then he
saw something that surprised even him. Coyote came closer in his glowing form, raised his paw, and a
glowing rose appeared, as it transformed itself into a thousand shooting light forms, meaning his
Adrian then felt his form merge with the Coyote, as Bubbles and Polly Morphine faded in the
background. Suddenly there was only a Coyote, glowing in the dark and looking around him, ready to
burst out in song. An Australian melody was coursing though his mind, and he opened his mouth.
When he uttered the verse, Adrian felt the Coyote spirit leaving and he found himself in human form,
looking at the world around him. His mouth felt another Australian verse coming forth, so this time he
sung it loudly.
Adrian smiled, jumped up and down, and started laughing hysterically, before echoing loudly: “I got