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Inventing Swear Words 5

Inventing Swear Words 5

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Published by Brandon M. Dennis

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Published by: Brandon M. Dennis on Nov 22, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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03/25/2012

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Scene 01
Setting: Darkshore, northern Kalimdor. Ox, Stag and Mort are standing on a dock. Scene is gloomy, kind of  spooky.
STAG
Why didst ye pick such a remote place to meet-eth?
OX
I’ll get to that in a moment. I wanted to talk to you guys because I feellike we’ve been neglecting something.
MORT
Ya, Stags been neglecting to bathe, ftl!
STAG
(huffily)Well, you doth be neglecting to learn-eth English!
OX
 No, that’s not what I mean.
STAG
Oh, so ye have neglected to treat-eth thy bed sores too? Aye. They canst be painful. I use-eth a cool gel made from kodo drool and tallstrider egg-yokes. I just massage it into the wound and– 
OX
 No, no, I mean we’ve been neglecting our invented swear words!
MORT
What were our invented swear words again n00b?MORT faces the camera.
MORT
(slowly and hammy)Because I need a reminder.
OX
 
Uh, sure, you remember, Bloit, Blit, Chak, Flak, Grat and Wolsh.
MORT
Ah, thanks, now I’m up to speed.
OX
(whispering)Dude, stop breaking the fourth wall!
MORT
(whispering and quickly)Ok, sorry.
OX
Anyhow, after all we’ve done, they just haven’t caught on with the bloiting public. I mean sure, Mort got married and all, but that hasn’treally furthered our cause.
STAG
Where doth be Lacy, anyway?
MORT
Shes at home with the kids.
STAG
You mean… your dead-cowbies?
Scene flashes to Lacy with her dead-cowbies.
LACY
Leave your brother alone! You know his horns are about to fall off. Now pay attention. Today I’m going to teach you how to pick maggots out of your hooves.
Scene switches back to the docks. There is a pause, then
both Tauren shudder.
OX
Right, well, look, I think it’s time we finished this whole swear-words
 
thing. I have a plan that is so brilliant you could use it to read at night.
STAG
Do go on.
OX
Why thank you, I will.
 As Ox talks further, scene switches to foreshadowing, like you did with APE and his Dark Temple blurb.
OX
Far away, deep in the Northern Sea, lies an island with a castle. This isBlizzard Entertainment’s Headquarters. Inside the castle is the ChatFilter, filled with all the words people use in-game. All we have to do isfind the most common swear words in the book, and replace the censor with our invented swear words. Then, whenever someone swears, our words will come out instead!
STAG
Brilliant!
OX
Thank you.
MORT
Pretty smart.
OX
Well, I do my best.
MORT
So how we gonna get there n00b?
STAG
Can’t ye just summon thy three dragon friends again?
MORT
 No.

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Joe Hagen added this note
Funny. Enjoyed that. Thanx for posting
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