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My experience with suicide.

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08/03/2008
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Ian Gardner 3 months ago

Below is my reply to a question someone raised. I post it here in case it is helpful to anyone:

Over the years I have been a pretty laid-back character. I was also a realist and unafraid to look at life openly. Consequently, I had looked at suicide - not as a personal option but as one open to anyone - and concluded that it was not something I should ever do because of the effect it would have on those close to me and particularly my mother, some forty years older than me.
However, as it turned out, in 1985/86 I was financially bankrupt, emotionally bankrupt, had been without a job for long periods (too old at 45 - 50!!); so much so over the previous 6 years that I came to the end of my tether: I think the final straw was the imminent breakup of a lovely relationship. In this emotional state the sound conclusions I had arrived at throughout my life about suicide just did not come to the surface, could not come to the surface is, perhaps, more correct!

Ian Gardner 4 months ago

It would seem that the "voice" can be heard where the barrier the moul [mind/soul] creates is not thick enough to block it. The "voice" is variously called, the conscience, the higher self, Spirit Self etc.

peanut_love 4 months ago

Wow. I've never had such an experience but it's so heart-wrenching to realise that lots of people go through the same thing yet don't have that little voice inside of them to show the way...

Ian Gardner 7 months ago

From Ian Gardner, on 2008-11-22:
Dear Caroline, I was about to write you something about you, your brother and life itself when it dawned on me that a mouthful of food does not really help a hungry person but that a continuous food supply does. Hence, I am suggesting to you that you read (my book) "The Milk Is White" and then "The 'Quo Vadis?' File" and feel free to ask any questions of me if any arise. This way you will pick up what you need and not what I think you need! I hope your feelings toward your brother are positive and understanding. Much love, Ian.

C@roLine 7 months ago

I'm glad you had this experience. My brother took his life a year ago this week. He was alcoholic and totally spent and isolated. It was just revealed to me that he never asked for help. I would have flown 3,000 miles to be there for him. He couldn't carry on in the condition he was in. He was out of money and health both physically, mentally and spiritually. He never became willing, as I see it that is the first step. I miss my brother Gregory, rest in peace my dear friend.

mohitmisra 8 months ago

A poem for you my freind.

IDIOT


Some say I am an idiot,
Some say I am a total nut,

Some say I am lazy,
Some say I am crazy.

I care and I really don’t care what they say,
Patiently I have to accept what comes my way.

I know I am going to die soon,
That will be my biggest boon.

My life like a candle has been lit,
Suicide sadly is forbidden to commit.

Fool make money some people shout,
Poetry you will die broke without a doubt.

I must write I keep telling them,
I have been given the signs to use the pen.






Ian Gardner 8 months ago

At various times prior to this time I had 'thought' of suicide, with no thought of needing to commit it, in the context of life in general and concluded that one of the reasons I could never resort to it was the effect it would have on my mother and other members of my immediate family. I have always contemplated life and this subject was but one of a great many.
It is very interesting that, in the instance under reference my state of mind was such that NO OTHER considerations could penetrate it was as if I was encased in a totally isolating bubble.
I only very recently realised this fact!!

Little_Sparrow 8 months ago

Wow, Thank God for you. Hadthesameexperience sometimes ago. It felt like doing a murder before the suicide bd but for the truth of Hell i knew, it would have bin.
Was lead to the church by the Holy Spririt and there God forgave my sin and heal my soul

kar2 8 months ago

Your wisdom and encouragement is inspiring. Thank you!

mohitmisra 9 months ago

Very nice,I had a spiritual experinece when I was sailing in the Merchant Navy in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.Slowly everything was taken from me and I also became extremely suicidal.Today I have become a poet and my book "Ponder Awhile" has been ranked 1 for 2006 and overall at 5 over many greats including Shakespeare.Even the Bhagwat Gita or Krishna says he will take away everything from you,then tyou will have him.
Best of luck and God bless
Regards
Mohit

Teilhard de Chardin 11 months ago

Well Spoken friend. :)

another blogger 11 months ago

thank you