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December 2010 Volume 2 Issue 3

Emotional
Health

Women Inspiring Women Physical


Beauty

Abuse
Prevention

Healthy
Relationships

Self
Reliance

IN THIS ISSUE The Gift of Peace


The Gift of Peace 01 LaNae Valentine, Ph.D
LaNae Valentine, Ph.D. When I think of Christmas, I think brings peace to my soul and harmony
of peace. I think of thick, soft snow- to my life is forgiveness.
flakes falling quietly to the ground, of President Hinckley taught, “A spirit of
10 Tips for Christmas 03
white, peaceful scenes of snow cov- forgiveness and an attitude of love and
Spirit
ered trees, fences and roofs. I think compassion toward those who may
Brooke Schultz of warm scenes of family and friends have wronged us is of the very essence
in cozy homes filled with light and love. of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” He went
Tasting the Bread 04 I think of the phrase, “peace on earth on to say, “There is no peace in the
of Life good will to men,” and i think of the nursing of a grudge. As we practice
gospel of peace, proclaimed by the forgiveness, there will come into our
Sherrie Johnson, Ph.D.
Prince of Peace. heart a peace otherwise unattainable.”
Yet for many, peace eludes us, even So, if you were to give yourself and
A Newlywed Christmas 07
during the Christmas season. Peace others the gift of peace, who in your
Brooke Schultz means more than being able to relax life are you willing to forgive? Toward
from all the stress and worries of life. It whom are you still nursing grudges,
Savor the Season 08 runs much deeper than organizing our- anger or resentment? What qualities,
Lindsey McMillan selves so that we are less busy. While personality traits, physical characteris-
there may be many things we could tics, behavioral patterns, and feelings
do to have more peace in our lives, have you not forgiven about yourself?
5 Minute Recipes 09
the single most important process that Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford

BYU Women’s Services and Resources, located in 3326 WSC,
is an organization aimed at helping women recognize their
self-worth and full potential. We offer confidential consultations,
workshops, lecture series, and seminars about current
women’s issues. We invite you to be active and to get involved.
Our office is open Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

W omen’s Services and Resources 1


resentful we feel hope for health, love, friendship, and
and the more prosperity, and work hard to get them,
frustrated and however, you will suffer when you de-
ungrateful we are mand that these things occur when you
that our life is not are not in control of them.
the way we think • Put your energy into looking for
it should be. For- another way to meet your positive goals
giveness is about instead of focusing on the experience
acceptance and that has hurt you. Rather than mentally
making peace replaying your hurt, seek out new ways
when we don’t to get what you need.
get what we want. • Instead of focusing on your wound-
It’s a letting go of ed feelings, and thereby giving the per-
our will, a soften- son who caused you pain power over
ing and a trusting you, learn to look for the love, beauty
that humility and and kindness around you.
growth are part • Amend your grievance story to in-
of the process. clude the heroic choice to forgive.
In letting go, we Overall, forgiveness is putting to
acknowledge that better use the energy once consumed
we can’t control by holding grudges, harboring resent-
others, we can’t ments and nursing unhealed wounds.
Forgiveness Project, professes that no make people love us, and we can’t It is rediscovering the strengths we al-
matter what has happened in our lives- make the world a fair place. We learn to ways had and relocating our capacity
no matter the drama, the tragedy or take each day as it comes, cherishing to understand and accept other people
pain - we can be at peace. He believes and being grateful for each moment. and ourselves.
that we are the ones that create lack of Luskin offers several steps to help If we can find forgiveness in our
peace in our lives because of our in- us with the forgiveness process. Some hearts for those who have caused us
ability to forgive and to let things go. of them include: hurt and injury, we will rise to higher
His life’s work has been to research • Know exactly how you feel about levels of self-esteem and well-being.
and teach people the skills that make what happened and be able Studies show that people
forgiveness more available to them. to articulate what about who learn to forgive are
In his book, Forgive for Good, he the situation is not okay. less angry, more hope-
teaches that most of our difficulties Share your thoughts ful, less depressed,
around forgiveness stem from our ob- with a few trusted less anxious and
jection to life as it has happened to us. friends. less stressed. As
We say to ourselves, “this shouldn’t • Forgiveness does we rid ourselves of
have happened, my husband shouldn’t not necessarily mean hatred and bitter-
have left me, my roommates should reconciliation with the ness, the Lord can
do their dishes, my parents shouldn’t person that upset you put comfort into our
have abused me, my life shouldn’t be or condoning their ac- hearts. Indeed, for-
this way” and so on. Often the turmoil tions. giveness is a liberating
and pain created from our objections to • Recognize that your pri- gift of peace that we give
life are greater than the distress of what mary distress is coming from the ourselves.
actually happens. hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical
One of the most peace-destroying References
upset you are suffering now, not what
things we do is create stories where Of You it is Required to Forgive
offended you or hurt you two minutes
we blame others for our unhappiness. Gordon B. Hinckley
or ten years ago.
Forgive For Good
In our stories we make ourselves the • Stop expecting things from other
helpless victims to someone else’s Fred Luskin
people that they do not choose to give
behavior. The more we rehearse and you. Remind yourself that you can
tell these stories, the more angry and
2 W omen’s Services and Resources
T en Tips for
Christmas Spirit
All it takes is 10 minutes
to spread the joy of Christmas
Brooke Schultz

1 Make someone’s bed and leave 7. Prepare a stack of thank-you 10. Call distant relatives to wish
a love note. All it takes is a little cards and show your gratitude them a happy holiday and let
sheet-straightening and a few sec- for each present you receive this them know you are thinking of
onds to write a little note for them. A year. Practicing an attitude of grati- them. And how simple would it be,
little act goes a long way and it will tude for the aftermath of Christmas and how much would it brighten the
help spread the holiday love. will help you keep the spirit of the day of a great-aunt or first cousin
2. Text friends you haven’t talked season alive after the hustle is over. once removed if you called for 10
to for a while and let them know 8. Help your parents make din- minutes to express you apprecia-
how much you care. Texting is a ner. Making a meal, especially for a tion?
quick way to do a little “service”— large group of people, takes a lot of
and the holidays are a perfect time time and effort--busy holiday times
to tell old friends how much they only add to the stress. Look for The stress of the holidays should
mean to you! ways to help at crunch time insteadalways take a back seat to serv-
3. Ding-dong ditch a card or of being in your own little world. ing and expressing our love and
other variety of Christmas para- 9. Use one of your talents to help gratitude for each other and the
phernalia to a neighbor. A cute others feel the joy of Christmas. magnificent birth of the Savior.
ornament or sprig of mistletoe is a Whether it’s offering to be the pho- But even if you only have 10
fun little gift and who doesn’t love to tographer for your home ward’s minutes, you can still spread the
ding-dong ditch?! Christmas party or singing a Christ- joy of the Christmas spirit!
4. Prepare a stack of little Christ- mas song in church or just listening
mas cards and give them to tired to a frazzled friend, be creative and
grocery store clerks, waitress- let others feel the peace and love
es, and others who serve you. It’s through you.
amazing how a little card can light
up someone’s face.
5. Go caroling with your friends
or family to older neighbors who
might not get as many visits.
They’re always the most apprecia-
tive anyway!
6. Surprise someone with break-
fast in bed. Even if it’s as simple
as bagels and fruit, a little thought
goes a long way.

W omen’s Services and Resources


T asting the Bread
of Life Sherrie Johnson, Ph.D.
Was the Savior born here? I could not say.
But pondering His love and sacrifice brought
sustenance to my spirit.

I passed through masses of icons, For years I had imagined, pondered, hour, the stomach growls for more.
silver lanterns, and trinkets before de- and prepared, and I wanted the place In my mind’s eye I saw hands brush-
scending the stairs into a sea of people to elicit all the feelings I’d encountered ing away the last few oats. The same
crowded into the small cave. Heat and while studying. But it didn’t. In an at- hands filled the manger with fresh straw
noise mingled in the heavy, stale air. tempt to push away the disappoint- and placed the Babe in the feeding
People jostled for position, nudging, ment, I let my mind wander over what trough. Words leaped to mind: “He that
pressing, seeking to see the silver star I’d learned of the event in Bethlehem cometh to me shall never hunger” and
that marked the place where some say that I’d come to love. “He that eateth of this bread shall live
the Savior of the world was born. Bethlehem—the name means “house for ever” (John 6:35, 58). The heavenly
People kissed the walls. Others of bread.” Whether or not the cave be- fare offered in the manger was not only
walked through, merely curious. One low me was the actual stable of Christ’s eternal but capable of lifting us to God.
weeping woman knelt despite the birth, this was the town. Words came to
throng, kissed the floor, then gave her- mind, words I had heard almost every
self up to intense yet soundless sob- Sunday since I was a child: “Bless and
bing. Uncomfortable with the sudden sanctify this bread to the souls of all
exposure to a stranger’s soul, I looked those who partake of it, that they may
away. eat in remembrance of the body of thy
By straining, I caught a glimpse of the Son” (D&C 20:77). Christ, the Bread of
star embedded in the rock floor; then I Life, was born in the house of bread
eagerly sought the egress that would and placed in a manger.
take me from the place. I had seen what As a child I had thought manger was
I came to see but not felt what I hoped a synonym for crib. I remembered my
to feel. Disheartened, I hurried out of surprise at learning that a manger is a
the cave into one of the churches built box made to hold food for animals, a
over it. Few tarried there, and I found in feeding trough! Now, as I sat in Beth-
the courtyard a more amiable spot than lehem, I imagined a manger filled with
the one below. Freed from the sights oats that beasts of burden hungrily de-
and sounds and press, I sank onto a voured. They, like me, would eat and
chair as cold jolts of disappointment in- in a few hours want more. No matter
tensified in me. How could this be the how nutritious earthly fare is, it is never
place of the Savior’s nativity? enough. The next day, even the next

4 W omen’s Services and Resources


How fitting that Mary should cradle her of lamb, the Lamb of God was being
son, the Bread of Life, in a manger. born, and because of His living and
I thought of Mary, His mother. The His dying, the nullifying effects of death
intense emotion of birth was familiar to would pass over us. But Passover also
me, but Mary was the mother of God’s meant springtime—lambing season. A
child. I thought of the joy and the sor- few miles away, shepherds were help-
row she bore and wondered what her ing to bring new lambs into the world.
feelings were as she wrapped the Son Deemed by the upper classes as men
of God in swaddling clothes. of naught, the shepherds were never-
Oh, the swaddling clothes! As Mary theless saviors to the sheep. Besides
beheld Him in the manger, did her heart assisting in the births, they nourished,
race with premonitions of a time gathered, comforted, and protect-
when she would see Him ed their flocks, sometimes
EXPANDING YOUR VISION
MENTORING PROGRAM
wrapped in linen and risking their lives to de- WOMEN’S SERVICES IS CURRENTLY ACCEPTING
APPLICANTS TO BE POSITIVE ROLEMODELS

laid in another cave, fend them. There was FOR ADOLESCENT GIRL . S

MAKE A DIFFERENCE THROUGH MENTORING


called a sepulchre? deep irony in the CONTACT US FOR MORE INFORMATION:
3326 WSC 422-4877
In a stable-cave fact that Jesus, the
Mary gave Jesus Good Shepherd,
mortal life, and would be deemed
from a sepulchre- by the Pharisees
cave Jesus came and Sadducees
forth to give Mary as a man of naught
Expanding Your Vision
and all mankind im- while in the very act Accepting applications now
mortal life. Both caves of giving His life to save through January 7th.
are mortal reminders of Je- them.
sus’ condescension, or of His de- But there is more to this sym-
scending “below all things” (see 1 Ne. bolism of shepherd and sheep. One
11:16; D&C 88:6). scholar notes that a tower called Migdal
His condescension is difficult to un- Eder—the watchtower of the flock—
derstand. He was God “but made him- stood on the road between Bethlehem
self of no reputation, and took upon him and Jerusalem. The sheep that were
the form of a servant, and was made in gathered there belonged to the temple
the likeness of men” (Philip. 2:7). The flock, from which the sacrificial lambs
same verse in the Greek New Testa- would be taken. Some Jews believed
ment does not mention reputation but that the Savior would be born in Bethle-
instead says that He “emptied himself.” hem and revealed at Migdal Eder (see
He was God, yet He emptied himself Marvin R. Vincent, Word Studies in the
of power to begin anew, growing from New Testament, 4 vols. [1887–1900],
grace to grace. He was the Word, and 1:269).
yet He came as a wordless infant. He “For unto you is born this day in the
was the Almighty One, and yet help- city of David a Saviour, which is Christ
lessly He took nourishment at Mary’s the Lord” (Luke 2:11). How fitting that
breast. He was King of Kings, and yet the angelic announcement was made
He came as the servant of man. He, to humble men serving the needs of
the great I Am, condescended to be the sheep that might die in similitude of the
beast upon which all burdens would Lamb of God. But that has not changed.
fall, born among animals at Passover It is still to those who are feeding His Fed Up With Food
time. sheep that He reveals himself. It is to
I thought of the significance of the those who serve that the testimony is
Set up a consultation to see if
Passover. As families throughout the revealed, the testimony that all who are this is the right group for you.
land prepared their symbolic meal unclean have a Savior and can come

W omen’s Services and Resources 5


forth from the darkness of their tombs that another would rule Israel—after part. If He had not died for us, no light,
into the Light of Life. all, wasn’t he the king of this land? But no sign, no bread would be enough.
Thoughts of that light brought to the Wise Men knew that he was not the We would have spent our lives in futil-
mind the Christmas star. Piercing the king they sought. After they left, they ity and then perished. But because of
darkness, it stood above all nations, followed the star until they reached Him, we live and will live. Because of
far above and untouched by anything Jesus, and there they presented their Him, all who desire will find light. Be-
worldly. Christ, the Life and Light of gifts to Him. cause of Him, all who seek with pure
the World, is like that star. His light, the And what marvelous gifts they were! intent will find God.
light of Christ, still guides wise men and We don’t really know how many Wise All who seek! I ventured into the
wise women to their promised land, Men came, but tradition claims three crowded cave once more and looked
where they can behold for themselves because there were three gifts: gold, again at the worshipers and icons
the greatest star, the Son. the metal of kings and symbol of a that surrounded me. Something had
Ah, the Wise Men. Of all the stories celestial world because of its refined changed. Before, these sights and
associated with the birth, their story purity; frankincense, used in making sounds so foreign to my upbringing had
intrigues me most. They must have incense that was burned on the tem- made me uncomfortable. Now, instead
had scriptures or an oral tradition that ple altar as a symbol of prayers aris- of gaudiness, I saw expressions of
prophesied of Christ’s birth, or they ing and connecting God and man; and love. Instead of strange behavior, I saw
would not have recognized the sign or myrrh, an aromatic gum used to make devotion. Instead of disappointment, I
known where to go once they saw it. incense, perfume, and ointment for felt peace.
We are told they saw the sign in the embalming. I remembered a picture of And in that moment of recognizing
East and then traveled west to Judea. a myrrh plant and was startled anew by the peace, a symbol came to me that
It was a long journey, and once in Jeru- its spikelike thorns. Even at the Christ I hadn’t thought of before. The cel-
salem they began to inquire, “Where is child’s tender age, the gifts given Him ebrated birth was to a virgin, innocent
he that is born King of the Jews? for we bore testimony of who He was and and pure. As if calling me from a deep
have seen his star in the east, and are what He would do. Gold for the King sleep, chastening words whispered, It
come to worship him” (Matt. 2:2). of Kings, frankincense for the Mediator is only in a pure heart that Christ can
News of their inquiries concerning between God and man, myrrh for the be born again.
a king reached Herod, and he sent for body that would be buried for us.
them. He was troubled by prophecies For us! That was the most important

W omen’s Services and Resources


A Newlywed Christmas
Where to spend the holidays?
Brooke Schultz

The ins and outs of juggling two families.

I sulked and pouted in the car all the ning to go out of their way to come. We laws about expectations, not just for
way home from work—why was this so stressed—this will be our first Christ- the holidays, but also for other tradi-
complicated? It should have been a mas, and this decision seemed to set tions and events that are important to
cinch—we spend Christmas with my the standard for all yuletides to come. them. Don’t be afraid to talk to both
family one year, Thanksgiving with his, Having in-laws has been a great sets of parents about the pressures
and then we switch. Easy. But some- stretching experience for me; another you’re feeling and let them in on brain-
how, it did get complicated. Everyone set of caring eyes and ears on my storming possible solutions.
had a pre-conceived schedule for us life is eye-opening. But on August 14, After those days of arguing passed, I
to follow. All my aunts are on the same 2010, my husband and I were sealed breathed a sigh of relief. There will still
rotation to have their married kids this together for eternity as our very own be adjustments with my new family, but
year, but Husband’s family is coming family. We became one. Now, we have I am so glad we’ve figured out a bal-
up from California to celebrate Christ- to make our decisions as such. ance between the two—Thanksgiving
mas in Utah, where my parents live. In the end, I had to admit that it with the in-laws, Christmas Eve and
And then there’s the fact that because was far more important for us to com- morning with my family, and Christmas
my parents live here we see them all promise than to make one family com- dinner with the in-laws. See? Easy.
the time, for family dinners and birth- pletely happy. The most important
days and baptisms and eagle courts of thing, we discovered, was to make our
honor. own decision. We are a family now,
Being newly married is exhilarating, separate from the ones we have each
challenging, and wonderful. Sharing come from. Genesis 2:24 reminds us,
our lives together is exactly what we “Therefore shall a man leave his father
wanted to do! But joining two families and his mother, and cleave unto his
together, or rather, juggling two families, wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
is quite a different story. Truth be told, Dealing with new in-laws can be
we fought about the holiday arrange- stressful—there are new toes to worry
ment for a solid two days. I whined like about stepping on, and unfamiliar terri-
a five year old and demanded to have tory to navigate. There is a certain bal-
my way. He explained his reasoning ance between remembering that your
over and over. We discussed all the husband is also your in-laws’ son and
options—I feared disappointing my remembering that God intended you
dad, who lives to have me home for the both to leave your parents and cleave
holidays, while Husband didn’t want to to one another. Have open conversa-
ignore his family when they were plan- tions with your spouse and your in-

W omen’s Services and Resources 7


Nutrition Savor
the
Lindsey’s

Season Lindsey McMillan

‘Tis the season for holiday meals Likewise, the family member who bodies with mindful food choices is
and family get-togethers. Christmas restricts all desserts is regarded as the gateway to cherishing ourselves
hams, mashed potatoes, green the exemplar of perfect health. and in turn, our loved ones.
bean casseroles and home-made How often do we find our- Making wise judgments
rolls line festive dining room tables. selves thinking, “How will about the portion sizes of
Sugar cookies, peanut brittle, cara- I work off all these calo- our meals is crucial in
mels, fudge, and candy canes are ries?” maintaining a healthy
delivered by the dozens from neigh- Eating our favorite weight, especially dur-
bors and friends. Despite our holi- foods now has to come ing the holiday season
day cheer, the season to be jolly is with a pricetag: regret when food is plentiful.
notoriously labeled as the season and shame. What has However, when we re-
of unintentional weight gain. “One happened to savoring our move our guilt and truly sa-
bite of that cake will go straight to eating experience? Our thoughts vor our favorite foods, eating will
my hips,” is the dinner party mantra tend toward calories, fat content, become a satiating experience that
and grams of sugar, in- we can enjoy with our families and
stead of the textures, the friends during the holiday season.
aromas, and the people
who surround us. Appre-
ciating the attractiveness
of different colors and Ideas based on Intuitive Eating by
shapes of the food will Evelyn Tribole, M.S., R.D. and
help us to recognize the Elyse Resche, M.S. R.D.
joy that comes from em-
bracing all foods in mod-
eration. Nurturing our
8 W omen’s Services and Resources
Directions:
5-minute Fudge Wreath Place a heavy pot on the stove and preheat it
over low heat. Add chips and milk and stir until
Ingredients: chips are melted and milk combined. Save the
empty condensed milk can. Stir in vanilla and
• 1 (12-ounce) bag semisweet chocolate remove fudge from heat. Add nuts and stir in
morsels immediately.
Cover empty condensed milk can with plastic
• 9 ounces (3/4 of a 12-ounce bag) food wrap and center it in the greased cake pan.
butterscotch morsels Spoon fudge into pan around can, making sure
• 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed to recenter can if it drifts.
milk The fudge will set up almost immediately.
Garnish can only be added in the first minute
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
or 2 the fudge is in the pan, so work quickly.
• 1 (8-ounce) can walnut halves Decorate your wreath with “holly” made from
• 8-inch cake pan, lightly greased with cut candied red and green cherries. A wreath
softened butter left plain can be garnished with a pretty fabric
• Candied cherries, red and green, for bow when serving.
Chill covered in the refrigerator and slice fudge
garnish, optional very thin when ready to serve, a little goes a
long way.

Pumpkin Chocolate Directions:


Chip Cookies Pre-heat oven to 350 de-
Ingredients: grees.
• 1 (15 ounce) can solid pack pumpkin Mix together pumpkin and
(NOT pumpkin pie filling) spice cake until well blended.
• 1 (18 ounce) box spice cake mix Add chocolate chips to mix.
• 1 (12 ounce) package semi-sweet Drop cookies on greased bak-
chocolate chips or 1 (12 ounce) ing sheet.
package milk chocolate chips Bake for 10-12 minutes.

Directions:
Candied Microwave all bags of pop-
Popcorn corn, remove kernels, and
combine in a large bowl. Set
Ingredients: aside.
• 1 1/3 cups sugar Mix sugar, butter, and Karo
• 2 cubes butter syrup in a large saucepan.
• ½ cup Karo syrup Heat on medium high until
• 3 bags of buttered temperature reaches 240
microwave popcorn – degrees F (firm ball).
make sure to pick the Immediately pour over
kernels out popcorn evenly and mix
well.

Directions:
Reese’s Bars Mix in a medium mixing bowl,
butter, graham crackers , pow-
Ingredients: dered sugar, and peanut butter.
Press mixture into a greased 8X8
• 1 cube butter, softened
pan. Melt the chocolate chips in
• 6 graham crackers, crushed
the microwave, and spread over
into a fine powder
the top of the peanut butter mix-
• 1 ½ cups powdered sugar ture.
• ½ cup peanut butter Wait until the Reese’s have fully
• 6 oz chocolate chips cooled before cutting into bars.
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Enjoy!

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