omen’s Services and Resources
Forgiveness Project, professes that no
matter what has happened in our lives-no matter the drama, the tragedy or pain - we can be at peace. He believesthat we are the ones that create lack of peace in our lives because of our in-ability to forgive and to let things go.His life’s work has been to researchand teach people the skills that makeforgiveness more available to them.In his book,
Forgive for Good
teaches that most of our difculties
around forgiveness stem from our ob-
jection to life as it has happened to us.
We say to ourselves, “this shouldn’thave happened, my husband shouldn’thave left me, my roommates shoulddo their dishes, my parents shouldn’thave abused me, my life shouldn’t bethis way” and so on. Often the turmoil
and pain created from our objections to
life are greater than the distress of whatactually happens.One of the most peace-destroyingthings we do is create stories wherewe blame others for our unhappiness.In our stories we make ourselves thehelpless victims to someone else’sbehavior. The more we rehearse andtell these stories, the more angry andresentful we feeland the morefrustrated andungrateful we arethat our life is notthe way we think
it should be. For
-giveness is aboutacceptance andmaking peacewhen we don’tget what we want.It’s a letting go of our will, a soften-ing and a trustingthat humility andgrowth are partof the process.In letting go, weacknowledge thatwe can’t controlothers, we can’tmake people love us, and we can’tmake the world a fair place. We learn totake each day as it comes, cherishingand being grateful for each moment.
Luskin offers several steps to help
us with the forgiveness process. Someof them include:
Know exactly how you feel
aboutwhat happened and be ableto articulate what aboutthe situation is not okay.Share your thoughtswith a few trustedfriends.
not necessarily meanreconciliation with theperson that upset youor condoning their ac-tions.
Recognize that your pri-mary
distress is coming from thehurt feelings, thoughts, and physicalupset you are suffering now, not whatoffended you or hurt you two minutesor ten years ago.
Stop expecting things from other
people that they do not choose to giveyou. Remind yourself that you canhope for health, love, friendship, andprosperity, and work hard to get them,however, you will suffer when you de-mand that these things occur when youare not in control of them.
Put your energy into looking for
another way to meet your positive goalsinstead of focusing on the experiencethat has hurt you. Rather than mentallyreplaying your hurt, seek out new waysto get what you need.
Instead of focusing on your wound-
ed feelings, and thereby giving the per-son who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beautyand kindness around you.
Amend your grievance story to in-
clude the heroic choice to forgive.Overall, forgiveness is putting tobetter use the energy once consumedby holding grudges, harboring resent-ments and nursing unhealed wounds.It is rediscovering the strengths we al-ways had and relocating our capacityto understand and accept other peopleand ourselves.
If we can nd forgiveness in our
hearts for those who have caused us
hurt and injury, we will rise to higher
levels of self-esteem and well-being.Studies show that peoplewho learn to forgive areless angry, more hope-ful, less depressed,less anxious andless stressed. Aswe rid ourselves of hatred and bitter-
ness, the Lord can
put comfort into our hearts. Indeed, for-giveness is a liberatinggift of peace that we giveourselves.
Of You it is Required to Forgive
Gordon B. Hinckley
Forgive For Good