"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.

"

"Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..."

"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where
you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.

-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One
depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look
on your face.

-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

-I do not deny everything.

-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into
storage.

Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less

-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us,
and love those who hurt us

-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1
repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities
press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line
and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If
you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are
depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic
press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After
the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again
later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from
them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the
heck is the ceiling?

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't
work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway

Life's tough...Get a helmet

I can be Mrs. Cullen, you can be Mrs. Black you can die and I can live forever!

I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!

SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...

If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends

Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do

Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died

Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Your's Is Stupid

Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain

Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!

My VAMPIRE can beat up your WEREWOLF!!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?

'Hold my purse.'

"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."

"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."

"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."

"Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you." ~ Emmett Cullen

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney

Having the love of you're life say "we can still be friends" is like having you're dog die and your
mother saying you can still keep it.

GIRL COMEBACKS!!

Boy Girl"Where have you been all my life?"

"Running away from you."

"Are you an angel from heaven?"

"No, I'm a vampire from hell."

"Your place or mine?"

"Both, you go to yours, I go to mine."

"Your feisty, I like that."

"Your smelly, go away."

"My dad owns the Café. I could get us really good seats."

"My dad runs that hospital, and that's where you'll be if you keep hitting on me."

"I have magic fingers. And they love to give massages."

"I have a high kick. And they love to land on..."

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this
into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto
your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into
your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your
profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your
profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.

If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this
into your profile.

If you think it would be hilarious to see Bella beat Emmett in an arm wrestling match, put
this in your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you
admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and
paste this on your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died,
copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an
entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you complian that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont
just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you get way to excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour'
differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.

If you think Edward is perfect for Bella, paste this onto your profile

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

That is called a wall. but beware the wall is solid. yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we
cannot walk through it! Believe me, for i have attempted this many times before.

"Clear as pea soup!"

╔══╗
║██║CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MUSIC!!
║(0)║

(\)_(/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

bbye!

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My favorite: My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork
lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

LADIES don't start fights,we FINISH them.

A good girl is a bad girl whos never gotten caught.

'Never Argue With A Woman'

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar

with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the

woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.

What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

It's likely she can also think

Stuff I thought was funny!

When Obama tells his children to clean their rooms, he ends with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approve
this message!"

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is Carlisle, screw the fruit!

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand vodka.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives
telling us to sit down and shut up.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there
and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the
passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something
that happened yesterday.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers
St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart,
but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and
flirting with the firemen.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced...I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

Bella Cullen: Luckier That You since 1987

BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the
process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break
every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"
FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT
AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you
know we dont waste

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your
phone

FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you
don't want to know)

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap.

My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.

"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.

25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES

" If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."

Girls can do anything guys can do, and we do it in heels.

Men who dress as women can do anything boys can do while wearing heels and looking like
a girl.

Man "Haven't we met before?"

Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man "Is this seat empty?"

Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"

Woman "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man "Your place or mine?"

Woman "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman "It's in the phone book."

Man "But I don't know your name."

Woman "That's in the phone book too."

Man "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman "I'm a female impersonator."

Man "What sign were you born under?"

Woman "No Parking."

Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Woman "Do not Enter"

Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman "Unfertilized"

Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."

Woman "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man "I know how to please a woman."

Woman "Then please leave me alone."

Man "I want to give myself to you."

Woman "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man "I can tell that you want me."

Woman "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
Man "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man "Your body is like a temple."

Woman "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man "I would go to the end of the world for you."

Woman "Yes, but would you stay there?

Girls are like apples

on trees. The best ones

are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach

for the good ones because they

are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples

from the ground that aren't as good,

but easy. So the apples at the top think

something is wrong with them, when in

reality, they're amazing. They just

have to wait for the right boy to

come along, the one who's

brave enough to

climb all

the way

to the top

of the tree

all girls copy and paste this to your page

Reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we
blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer,GET THE
HECK AWAY FROM MY CHEERIOS.

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell
is drinking my damn soda"