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State of Mind

State of Mind

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5.0

(6)
|Views: 6,732|Likes:
Published by Christine Macdonald
Ever wonder what goes on in the mind of an ex-stripper? Here's a little glimpse of my struggle with clinical depression - after the music dies.
Ever wonder what goes on in the mind of an ex-stripper? Here's a little glimpse of my struggle with clinical depression - after the music dies.

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Published by: Christine Macdonald on Dec 16, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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04/18/2014

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State of Mind
By Christine Macdonald
 
1
 
Slipping through four wheeled strangers crawling in a sea of asphalt, mydrive from the office is arduous.
Hold 
 
on.
 
 Just 
 
one
 
more
 
block.
 
Turning left on my street, I unbuckle the seatbelt across my chest. I allow asigh within the walls of my lungs; she clings tightly to the fear. It’s a welcomeelief to get one out.r When I arrive home, the rubble of my life serves up equal parts comfort and disgust. Piles of dirty laundry cover the floor and stacks of papers blanket my coffee table. The kitchen countertops work as a nesting place for emptywine bottles, dirty dishes and unopened mail.There is a slight odor weaving its way up to my nostrils and I can’t tell if it’scoming from my skin, my scalp, or the basic parameter of the area. Ashamed, Idon’t have the strength (or desire) to investigate further. I undress and climbin to my unmade bed.
 
2
 
If I only knew what it was, what I could do. If I only took a shower, didlaundry, washed the dishes, went for a walk or had a piece of chicken (that last ne’s from mom). If only.o Through the darkness of my room, outside my bedroom window I seesunlight playing hide and seek with the leaves of a palm in the breeze.Children playing on the street compete with the crashing waves echoing in thedistance.
That 
 
is
 
what 
 
life
 
 feels
 
like.
 
I don’t have the energy to cry. The guilt of feeling depressed isepressing. I want to evaporate.d
 
  
“So tell me.” Her voice was soft. “Why are you calling?”

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1 thousand reads
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Raben Duran liked this
Christine Macdonald added this note|
Depression - a state of mind
7BILLIONHUMANBEING added this note|
great write its hard life terrifc recovery read thanks
7BILLIONHUMANBEING added this note|
I have been there clean almost twenty years congrats
7BILLIONHUMANBEING added this note|
great honest read write I have been there thanks father mike lost all my followers sorry

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