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Published by jadito
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Published by: jadito on May 05, 2007
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05/08/2014

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1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot getsthe first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all herdrinks is dumb.7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same personin one night.8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge toorder a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer,straight shots and two-part cocktails.9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’mgoing to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get themessage.14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she doesnot like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman adrink and she accepts, she stillmight not like you.
 
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade yourliquor preference.18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be knownas the guy who drinks girly drinks.21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doingthe same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing ashot with four or more people.26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again.If he does play it, do not approach him again.27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll besurprised how well it works.28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Goto the liquor store.29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, youmay pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about thequality or brand of a freedrink.
 
31. If you have been roommates withsomeone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, aslong as you leave them one.32. You can have a shot of their hard liquoronly if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolenliquor.34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at leasttwo cans before you start drinking the imported beer in thefridge.35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every  jackass would be doing it.36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.37. Try one new drink each week.38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to makesmall talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you.Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is$1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once shehas handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender orcocktail waitress, small change has no value.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends thesame,” then you are a cheap ass.
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent betterlooking.42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

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19 will give you "Cork Taint" thereby rendering whatever vino you chose to imbibe, undrinkable and somewhat poisonous.
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