Miranda S01e03

MIRANDA: EP 2: ‘JUST THE JOB’
SCENE 1. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. DAY.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) Good evening and a hearty
welcome. Biscuit? Sorry mine. (EATS IT) Wouldn’t
have worked, it’s television, but it’s the thought.
Though if you’d been right here, I still would have
eaten it. (BEAT) Now, previously in my life, my
mother puts me under pressure to get a proper
job...
CUT TO:
-1-
EP.2. SCENE 2. INT. FORMAL HALL. DAY.

(FLASHBACK – RECENT PAST)
MIRANDA AND PENNY SAT A DESK.

BEHIND THE DESK A NAVAL CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN:
So we’re signing Miranda to the Royal Navy?
MIRANDA:
What?
CAPTAIN:
The first trip is 7 months.
PENNY:
(PLEADINGLY:) Could it be longer?
MIRANDA SHOCKED STARE AT PENNY.

PENNY DOES A ‘WHAT?’
CAPTAIN:
Miranda, do you really want to be in the Navy?
MIRANDA:
(SINGING:) In the Navy!... yes, you can sail the
seven seas… In the Navy!... Bet you get that a lot.
CAPTAIN:
No.
PENNY SHOCKED STARE AT MIRANDA.

MIRANDA DOES A ‘WHAT?’
CUT TO:
-2-
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) Alarming propensity to sing in
interviews. Luckily for that one I failed the exercise
test. They asked me to run. I said no. Running -
wrong unless professionally or as a child. As an
adult you should only run if you’re near a train
station and look at your watch first. And you
certainly can’t gallop like kids. Something I’d like
to see…
CUT TO:
-3-
SCENE 4. EXT. STREET. DAY/EARLY EVE.

(FANTASY.)
A COUPLE OF MEN IN SUITS WITH

BRIEFCASES GALLOP ALONG THE
PAVEMENT.
MIRANDA:
(V.O.) Make commuting fun.
MIRANDA GALLOPS PAST WAVING AT

THE MEN WHO WAVE BACK.
CUT TO:
-4-
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) Yeah, never really had an obvious
career path. That was clear with the careers
officer at Uni…
CUT TO:
-5-
EP.2. SCENE 6. INT. CAREERS OFFICE. DAY.

(FLASHBACK)
MIRANDA (10 YEARS AGO) SITTING

OPPOSITE CAREERS OFFICER.
CAREERS OFFICER:
What would you say are your main strengths?
MIRANDA:
Probably dressing pets as famous detectives.
CAREERS OFFICER LOOKS BAFFLED.
Even you would have been impressed by Poirot

Pussy.
CAREERS OFFICER:
Go away please.
MIRANDA:
Inspector Morse Horse?
CAREERS OFFICER:
Goodbye.
CUT TO:
-6-
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) Let’s not dwell, on with the show.
-7-
SCENE 8. INT. LIGHT ENT SET WITH VARIETY

STAIRS/TITLES
MIRANDA DANCES TBA
CUT TO:
-8-
SCENE 9. INT. SHOP. DAY. MORNING/FIRST

THING. D1.
MIRANDA COMES DOWN STAIRS.

STEVIE IS LOOKING AT BANK
STATEMENTS. A CUSTOMER IS
BROWSING. MIRANDA SEES SOME
PIRATE TOYS.
MIRANDA:
Morning. Pirate stock! (PICKS UP A SWORD)
STEVIE:
Please don’t.
MIRANDA:
Stevie, you know you love it. Why are pirates
called pirates? Because they arrrrrr.
STEVIE:
Oh hilarious, look at me laughing. (BLANK FACE)
MIRANDA:
What’s wrong mon petit amie? (TO CAMERA:)
French for small friend.
STEVIE:
(HOLDING THEM UP:) Bank statements. You
said you’d cut down. What’s this 240 quid?
MIRANDA:
I couldn’t resist. I bought a donkey from that
Animal Shelter.
STEVIE:
You are joking?
-9-
MIRANDA:
Yes.
WE HEAR A DONKEY BRAY.
STEVIE STARES AT MIRANDA THEN

GETS BACK TO THE BANK
STATEMENTS.
STEVIE:
You’re still paying 60 pounds a month gym
membership? You never go.
MIRANDA:
I don’t need to. Look at me. (SHE STARTS
LIMBERING) Why do fit people or dancers always
stretch randomly. Chatting to them and (DEMO).
I’m in fine shape. (TO CUSTOMER:) Don’t you
think Madam – a woman in her prime? How old
would you have me? (TO STEVIE:) They always
come under.
CUSTOMER:
43?
PAUSE. MIRANDA STARES AT THE

WOMAN, LOOKS TO CAMERA, THEN
BACK TO THE WOMAN.
MIRANDA:
Ah, you must be dyslexic. Because I’m 34, you’ve
reversed the numbers in your head. That’s what’s
happened.
CUSTOMER:
No, I thought you were 43.
-10-
MIRANDA:
Get out please.
CUSTOMER:
(BEAT) But I need to buy…
MIRANDA:
Bye-bye is what you need to do. (USHERS HER
OUT) Bye-bye. Maybe I should go to the gym.
STEVIE IS MUTTERING NUMBERS

LOOKING AT HER EXPENDITURE
CHART.
You’re actually loving the expenses issue…
STEVIE:
(EXCITEDLY:) It’s a task. I am the…
STEVIE/MIRANDA:
Task master.
STEVIE:
(MR T VOICE:) These fools are makin’ me mad.
(BEAT) (HER VOICE:) Insert figures for fools.
MIRANDA:
I get the analogy. I love it when Mr T comes out.
STEVIE:
I am good at it. (BEAT) You will try and cut down.
MIRANDA:
(PIRATE ACCENT:) All right Captain. (PICKS UP
SWORD, PUTS ON EYE PATCH) Ha ha ha
haarrrr…
-11-
STEVIE:
(PICKS UP SWORD, PUTS PARROT ON, WITH
ACCENT:) Ha, ha my hearties.
MIRANDA:
She’s gone. You can never refuse.
STEVIE:
Role play is very important. It enhances and
stimulates business practice.
MIRANDA:
Oh tell me more about that?
STEVIE:
Really?
MIRANDA:
No!
STEVIE:
(BEAT) Why is Miranda annoying? Because she’s
an arrrrrr….s.
MIRANDA:
(PIRATE ACCENT) Ha ha, Capn Stevie
Mcfingers…
STEVIE:
(ACCENT) Long Miranda Silver, you must walk the
plank.
-12-
MIRANDA:
(NO ACCENT) I always walk the plank. Fine.
(ACCENT) I’m ready to meet my sweetheart who
died on the high seas. Go aah.
STEVIE:
Aarrrrhhh.
MIRANDA:
Just aah.
STEVIE:
Aaarrhh.
MIRANDA:
Sympathetic ah. Ruining it. You don’t know how
emotionally draining the plank can be.
PENNY ENTERS IN A PANIC.
(ACCENT:) Stay back or I’ll throw yer to the sex

starved men below. (REALISING) Oh, hi Mum.
(FLICKS EYE PATCH UP)
PENNY:
(PANIC RANT) Listen. Tilly. Outside. Promotion.
Mother gloating. You - fake job. "Big success".
DURING THE ABOVE MIRANDA TRIES

TO MAKE SENSE OF IT AND CLOCKS
CAMERA CONFUSED.
MIRANDA:
I think you dropped some verbs on the way in.
-13-
PENNY:
Verbs…
AGAIN, DURING BELOW SPEECH

MIRANDA TRYING TO KEEP UP AND
CLOCKING CAMERA.
On the way in. She just got a. I told her you got a.
To pretend you're the. That me and your father
wish you were.
MIRANDA:
(PANICKED:) I don’t understand.
PENNY:
(STILL PANICKED) I told Tilly you got a new job.
MIRANDA:
But I’ve got a job.
PENNY:
A proper job.
MIRANDA:
Are you ashamed of me? (EYE PATCH FALLS
DOWN OVER EYE)
PENNY:
Darling… of course I am, ridiculous question.
STEVIE:
(BEAT) Penny you’re being a bit hard. Under
careful management this shop could become a
successful chain. When someone wants a pair
of… comedy breasts they’ll think of your daughter.
-14-
PENNY:
They already do.
MIRANDA:
Who cares if Tilly’s got a promotion. She’s the
idiot with everything ‘fabbifun and marevellosimus’
and why does she still call me Queen Kong?
STEVIE LAUGHS.
No. Unacceptable.
PENNY:
(LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW) Oh gosh,
she’s coming. She’s got such an annoying, what I
call, walk.
MIRANDA:
It is a walk. It’s not just what you call a walk. That
is your most annoying, what I call, expression.
PENNY:
Here she is. I told her you work in TV.
MIRANDA:
What?
TILLY ENTERS.
PENNY:
Oh hello Tilly, what a total and utter surprise. We
were just talking about Miranda’s new job.
-15-
TILLY:
Yes, Mummy told me. (TO MIRANDA:)
Congratulasareenie Queen Kong. (AIR KISS)
Huge to see you. Titanic bummage you couldn’t
make Bunty’s Boat Christening.
MIRANDA:
Me too, it sounded fabbifun.
TILLY:
Twas spectuncular. (BEAT) You’ve obviously been
busy with the new TV job. Which I presume is a
joke. I mean no offence, but I didn’t have you
down as a career bitch.
MIRANDA:
No?
TILLY:
No. More someone who mucked about in a shop.
In a good way.
MIRANDA:
Actually, as a local business bitch I’ve been doing
extensive research for a documentary about the
retail industry.
TILLY:
Wowzers. King Kongrats. A documentary. Who
for?
MIRANDA:
Yes.
-16-
TILLY:
What?
MIRANDA:
It’s for Who Four. New channel… e4, more 4, who
four.
TILLY:
And what TV company have you been with?
PENNY:
It’s a small independent down here.
TILLY:
What’s it called?
MIRANDA LOOKS TO PENNY FOR HELP.
PENNY:
I’ve got nothing.
MIRANDA:
What’s it called?
TILLY:
Yes.
MIRANDA:
What’s it called?
TILLY:
What?
-17-
MIRANDA:
What’s it called? That’s what it’s called. What’s it
Called. Which is funny because when people ring
we say ‘hello, what’s it called’ and they say ‘don’t
you know.’ And then they say ‘who are you making
programmes for’ and we say ‘who four’ and they
say yes, and we all laugh, so very much.
TILLY:
(STARES AT MIRANDA FOR A BEAT) Well it’s
important to have fun at work.
MIRANDA:
That’s what I’m always saying. The other day we
had these Cowboy and Indian costumes. I was a
horse and my colleague was a cowboy – brilliant.
PENNY:
(ALARMED) That sounds a good (POINTEDLY:)
TV show… (HITS MIRANDA)
MIRANDA:
What? (HITS HER BACK) Oh…reality show.
Celebrity Cowboys and Indian Indians. Good
show. Racist, but good.
TILLY:
Wow. Look the reason I’m…
HER BLACKBERRY BEEPS
(LOOKING AT TEXT) Oh, utmost colliosity.

Lunchtime Capoeria is on. Fancy it? Brazilian
Martial Art. It’s violence but to music.
-18-
MIRANDA:
No thanks.
TILLY:
Pitta bread. (BEAT) Well, listen… (TEXTING) oh
hang on, wait there, hold please, nearly with you…
back… So, tomorrow I’m having a mini-a-scule
celebracioane of my promotione – yay. It would be
hilarious if you came. Penny, Stevie, you too?
PENNY/STEVIE:
(SARCASTIC:) Sounds divine / excellent…
TILLY:
Gosh it’s faintly embarrassing asking people to a
do about my silly job (FAUX MODEST LAUGH).
Kongeroo, defo come (LEAVING) Yes? Come,
come, come, come…
MIRANDA (AT SAME TIME):

Go, go, go, go, go…
TILLY LEAVES.
How dare she think I couldn’t have a proper

career. I could be a Tilly if I put my mind to it.
Maybe it’s time for me to move on. (SITS ON THE
EDGE OF THE HIGH TILL TABLE) I always said
once I got the shop going and an excellent
manager in.
STEVIE:
(CURTSEYING) Good morning.
-19-
MIRANDA:
Good morning. I’d consider another job.
(STRUGGLING TO SIT RIGHT:) I really can’t
make this work. (BEAT) First, like all good career
bitches I’m off to the gym.
SHE SPRINTS UPSTAIRS AND WE SEE

HER OUT OF BREATH AT THE TOP/OR
SHE TRIPS UP HALF WAY UP.
CUT TO: STING
SC 10 CUT & SC 11 INCORPORATED INTO SC 9
-20-
SCENE 12. INT. GYM. DAY. LATER MORNING.

D1. (STUDIO)
WE ESTABLISH A GYM. AND MIRANDA

IN GYM GEAR.
SHE STARTS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

DOORS AND HAS A SLIGHT STRUGGLE
WITH THEM.
MIRANDA:
(SHOUTING:) Hello. These don’t seem to be
working… the knob isn’t releasing the doors… I’m
really banging the knob now…
BEHIND THE DESK AT RECEPTION IS

THE GYM MANAGER. A FIT MAN (GUY).
WE SEE HIM GO TO PRESS A BUTTON

UNDER THE DESK AT RECEPTION.
THE DOORS OPEN AND MIRANDA

FALLS IN.
GUY:
Are you ok?
MIRANDA:
Fine. My work outs start the minute I enter the
building.
SHE DOES THE FALLING MOVE AGAIN

AS IF SHE MEANT TO DO IT.
Permanently pumping.
GRABS A TOWEL AND JOGS OFF – THE

WRONG WAY AND HAS TO TURN
AROUND.CUT TO:
-21-
SCENE 13. INT. GYM. DAY. (LOCATION)
MIRANDA IS IN THE MAIN SECTION OF

THE GYM WITH ALL THE MACHINES,
WEIGHTS ETC.
SHE APPROACHES THE CROSS

TRAINER AND GETS ON IT WITH SOME
FUSS. STARTS IT. IT GOES TOO FAST
SO SHE ENDS UP PRACTICALLY DOING
THE SPLITS EACH TIME IT SWINGS.
MIRANDA:
(SHOUTING:) Some one make it stop.
GUY COMES OVER AND DOES SO.
Thanks. Sorry, the ones I’m used to are less…
GUY:
Do you need a tour of the equipment?
MIRANDA:
No, no. I’m familiar.
SHE SITS ON A WEIGHT BENCH AND

LIFTS SOMETHING WITH HER LEGS.
Woooohh. (COVERING PAIN:) That’s good…
CUT TO:
-22-
SCENE 14. INT. GYM. DAY. (LOCATION)
MIRANDA BY THE YOGA BALLS

BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON ONE.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) What does it do? Does anyone
really know what they do?
THERE ARE A MASS OF YOGA BALLS IN

A ROW. MIRANDA CHECKS NO ONE IS
LOOKING, MAKES A RUNNING JUMP,
ROLLS ON TOP OF THEM ALL, AND
DOES A SUMMERSAULT OFF THE FINAL
ONE ON TO A MAT.
SHE STANDS UP AND FINISHES LIKE A

PROFESSIONAL GYMNAST AND WALKS
OFF.
SHE FINDS A STEP MACHINE (N.B. IF

THEY HAVE THEM ON LOCATION?)
SHE GETS ON IT AND DOES A FEW

STEPS BUT IT ALREADY HURTS.
GUY:
(APPROACHING) That looks good, keep going.
MIRANDA IS CLEARLY IN PAIN.
If you do 200 you’ve got to the top of Eiffel Tower.
MIRANDA:
I think I’ll stop and get the lift to the top…. (SHE
GETS OFF)
CUT TO:
-23-
SCENE 15. INT. RECEPTION GYM (STUDIO)

DAY.
MIRANDA IS LOOKING WHAT TO DO

NEXT.
SHE SEES A CHILDRENS BALL POOL IN

A CRECHE AREA. GETS IN AND MUCKS
ABOUT.
GUY COMES OVER.
MIRANDA:
What does this one do? How does it work?
GUY:
That’s a kids ball pool.
MIRANDA REALISES.
SC 16 & 17 CUT
-24-
SCENE 18. INT. RESTAURANT. DAY. LATER MORNING.

D1.
MIRANDA COMES IN FROM THE GYM,

FLUSHED AND SWEATY.
MIRANDA:
Hi guys.
SHE COLLAPSES ON THE SOFA.
GARY:
Blimey, you could fry an egg on that face…
CLIVE:
Ooh, can we try? (TO MIRANDA:) Can we?
MIRANDA:
No! This is just a healthy post workout glow. So
now I’ll have a carrot and orange smoothie and a
low fat bagel. And what I mean by that is a hot
chocolate and an enormous slice of cake.
CLIVE GOES TO GET THE ORDER.
GARY APPROACHES. HE CARRIES ON

WORKING – MAYBE CHOPPING.
GARY:
A work out? Impressive.
MIRANDA:
Yep, I did an Aerobics class. Well I did the warm
up, looked in the mirror and thought the full class
might be risky re a potential heart attack.
-25-
GARY:
Did you consider the pool to cool down?
(LAUGHING AT HOW RED SHE IS)
MIRANDA:
I don’t do the pool. The lane system doesn’t work.
Fast lane, too intimidating. Slow lane too slow.
Get your face in old people’s feet and I hate to
overtake for fear of someone coming down the
other side and then the embarrassing pool based
collision.
GARY:
Medium lane?
MIRANDA:
Really tough the medium lane. Constantly proving
you don’t need to relegate to the slow lane. A lot
of pressure. I swim widths – just to annoy
everyone.
GARY LAUGHS.
CLIVE:
(FROM BAR:) Miranda, how much cake?
HE PUTS A KNIFE AT A POINT ON THE

CAKE. MIRANDA INSINUATES MORE.
HE MAKES THE SLICE BIGGER. THIS
GOES ON UNTIL CLIVE JUST PICKS UP
THE WHOLE CAKE.
MIRANDA:
Do you have today’s paper?
-26-
GARY:
Yeah, in the rack.
MIRANDA STRETCHES HER ARM TO

REACH IT. DOES A PLEADING ‘CAN’T
GET UP’ TO GARY, WHO PASSES IT.
MIRANDA:
Thanks. I’m going to find a new job.
CLIVE APPROACHES WITH THE CAKE.
GARY:
Why?
MIRANDA:
Because Tilly and Mum think I couldn’t.
GARY:
What about the shop?
MIRANDA:
Stevie’s managing it full time now, I could take
something else on. I could get a real job right?
(LONG PAUSE) Guys…
GARY/CLIVE:
(COVERING UP:) Yes, of course, absolutely…
definitely possibly… not hopeless… yeah, bound
to be something… loads of things… easy…. Job,
you, your middle name’s job. (ETC.)
MIRANDA:
As supportive as my school.
CUT TO:
-27-
SCENE 19. INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR. DAY.

(FLASHBACK)
MIRANDA ACTING YOUNG (EARLY

TEENS) IS GALLOPPING.
TEACHER:
Hart! Don’t run in the corridor.
MIRANDA:
It’s a gallop miss. I think all businessmen should
do it, and one day I hope to tell the nation via a TV
show.
TEACHER:
Oh Hart. With that naïve optimism, you gallop girl.
It’s the only joy you’ll ever know.
CUT TO:
-28-
SCENE 20. INT. RESTAUARNT. DAY. LATER

MORNING. D1.
BACK TO PRESENT.
GARY:
(HEADING OFF) I’d help but got loads of kitchen
prep – afternoon off tomorrow. Reunion with some
RAF pals.
MIRANDA:
You were in the RAF? With the uniform? (GOES
IN TO HER OWN WORLD)
GARY:
(BEAT) Just cadets for a bit when I left school…
MIRANDA:
(IN HER OWN WORLD:) Oh Maverick, you stud,
take me to bed and loose me for forever. Take my
breath away… Pilot your jet into my flight path…
(SEES GARY AND CLIVE STARING:) Oh, it’s all
been out loud.
PENNY ENTERS.
PENNY:
There you are. Now saddle up, I’ve got you an
interview tomorrow morning. (HANDS MIRANDA
SOME INFO) Personnel Manager for a sales team
in a, what I call, department store.
MIRANDA:
It is a department store. (LOOKING AT THE INFO)
Oh, Evergreeens, they’re big. No, I could do it,
couldn’t I? (LONG PAUSE) Guys…
-29-
PENNY/CLIVE/GARY:
Of course… don’t see why…. Totally possible….
You’re a people person… why not…
achieveable… ETC. TO IMPROVISE.
MIRANDA:
Course I can. That’s why I got an interview.
PENNY:
Plus I knew the CEO.
CLIVE:
Must have known him very well.
PENNY:
(SEXILY:) Oh I did. Twice.
MIRANDA:
Unacceptable.
PENNY:
Do you want me to come with you?
MIRANDA:
Not a good idea …
MIX TO:
-30-
SCENE 21. INT. FORMAL HALL. DAY.

(FLASHBACK)
THE SAME INTERVIEW WITH THE

NAVAL CAPTAIN AT A DESK.
PENNY:
Please take her, she’s got excellent sea legs.
Show him your sea legs.
MIRANDA:
No.
CAPTAIN:
I really don’t need to see her legs.
PENNY:
Come on show them.
SHE STARTS PUTTING MIRANDA’S

LEGS ON THE DESK.
Put them on the ‘Captains table’.
MIX TO:
-31-
SCENE 22. INT. RESTAURANT. DAY. LATER

MORNING.
BACK TO PRESENT.
PENNY:
Well good luck darling. (LEAVING) Speak later,
Tilly’s mother is hosting one of these fur charity
galas. “I’d rather wear fur than go naked.” I need to
get my mink from the cleaners. Such fun. (GOES)
MIRANDA:
This could be my thing – retail experience, people
skills…
SHE GETS UP BUT IS STIFF ALREADY.
Ow. How can you get so stiff so soon? (TRIES

TO WALK) It’s like my legs are crystallized.
GARY:
You’re not going back to the gym then?
MIRANDA:
Oh I’m going back all right.
SHE TRIES TO HOBBLE OUT.
CUT TO:
-32-
SCENE 23. INT. GYM. DAY. LATE MORNING. D1.

(STUDIO)
MIRANDA TALKING TO GUY AT

RECPETION.
MIRANDA:
I want to cancel my membership.
GUY:
Do you want to transfer the membership to another
branch?
MIRANDA:
No. Just want to cancel.
GUY:
So you’re not moving away and want to use a
different gym in our chain?
MIRANDA:
That’s the same question, slightly different
wording. I just want to stop paying my
membership. (TO CAMERA:) Not sure how much
clearer I can make it.
GUY:
You have to give three months notice to cancel
contracts.
MIRANDA:
Three months?
GUY:
And a months notice, to say you’ll be giving the
final 3 months.
-33-
MIRANDA:
So that’s 4 months notice.
GUY:
Well it’s 1 months notice to give the final 3 months
notice.
MIRANDA:
Which is 4 months notice.
SHE IN RINGING A TOWEL IN STRESS
GUY:
(AT COMPUTER) You’ve only got 5 months left on
your contract…
MIRANDA:
I want no months, nil months, nada monthes…
GUY:
Well during the 3 months notice, plus 1 month
advance…
MIRANDA:
4 months notice…
GUY:
…you have to pay the fee. Plus, you’re charged 2
months penalty for cancelling. As you’ve only got
five months left…
MIRANDA:
I’d end up owing you money to cancel…?
-34-
GUY:
Yeah.
MIRANDA GETS THE TOWEL AND

PRETEND STRANGLES HERSELF TO
CAMERA.
So you might as well stick with it.
MIRANDA:
I don’t want to stick with it. I want to stop paying to
have access to somewhere I never want to be.
Gyms are not for people like me. They’re for
people like her (AT A TONED, SLIM WOMAN
STRETCHING BY WATER COOLER).
(SHOUTS:) Freak.
GUY:
Please don’t hassle our members, or I’ll ask you to
leave for unsocial behaviour.
MIRANDA:
How can you sleep at night when all you do is
hand out a towel once every 3 hours to a piece of
lycra carrying a woman; whilst the majority pay for
the upkeep. We may not be the majority in
numbers, but pound for pound, there’s more of us.
We’ll have a sit-on. I will personally sit on you. I do
get what I want. Which is why I’m a successful
career woman…
GUY:
What do you do?
-35-
MIRANDA:
I have an interview at Evergreens, the department
store, as it goes…
TILLY WALKS PAST HAVING COME OUT

OF HER DANCE CLASS. SHE
OVERHEARS MIRANDA AND IS
SHOCKED.
TILLY:
Evergreens?
MIRANDA:
Tilly. Hi.
TILLY:
You’ve missed Capoeria if…(WAVES GOODBYE
TO SOMEONE WHO WALKS PAST) Sorry, what
happened to the TV job?
MIRANDA:
Wasn’t challenging enough. When your brain’s as
agile as your body you need constant challenges.
SHE TRIES TO JOG OUT.
My legs are going to snap in half.
SHE GOES TO THE DOORS. SHE

PRESSES THE RELEASE KNOB ON THE
SIDE OF THE WALL AND TRIES TO PULL
OPEN THE DOOR.
(TO GUY:) These don’t open for me. See me

coming and decides not to yield. (TO CAMERA:)
Good word yield.
SHE KEEPS TRYING.
-36-
GUY RELEASES THE DOORS FROM

BEHIND THE DESK.
MIRANDA HAS BEEN PULLING ON THE

DOOR AND SO FLINGS IN WHEN IT’S
SUDDENLY RELEASED.
TILLY:
(LAUGHING AT MIRANDA) Konga, you desperate
lanky pants…
MIRANDA LEAVES GLARING AT GUY.
CUT TO:
-37-
SCENE 24. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM.

DAY. NEXT MORNING. D2.
MIRANDA IN BUSINESS SUIT GETTING

READY FOR HER INTERVIEW.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) What do you think? (PLAYING
THE BUSINESS WOMAN:) Cancel my 10.15 and
move my 12.45. I’m going to be meeting people
with times instead of names. I’ll have a skinny
frappacino. Don’t know what that is. I like to think
you might be presented with a tiny Italian man.
PENNY COMES IN.
PENNY:
Look at you. Being a success.
MIRANDA:
Haven’t got the job yet.
PENNY:
No negativity. So exciting. (CHANTING:) Go
Miranda, she’s my daughter, she likes… water,
causes retention, has no… pension…
MIRANDA:
Please leave.
PENNY:
Go Miranda, she’s my first born…
MIRANDA:
You shouldn’t be allowed out.
-38-
PENNY:
… she likes popcorn.
CUT TO:
-39-
SCENE 25. INT. INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY.

MORNING. D2.
THE INTERVIEWER (DARREN) IS

USHERING MIRANDA IN TO A MEETING
ROOM WHERE THERE ARE TWO
COLLEAGUES BEHIND A DESK WHO
WRITE NOTES THROUGHOUT.
DARREN:
Come in, take a seat. I’m Darren, head of
marketing and this is Sophie and Neil from HR.
MIRANDA:
Hi, nice to meet you. Thanks for seeing me.
DARREN:
Pleasure. So let’s get straight to it – what do you
think you can bring to this job?
MIRANDA:
I could bring some… tea and cakes to it – would it
like that?
DARREN:
(BEAT) Well that could certainly motivate the
team… The team you’d be heading are good, but
young, so they do need a lot of motivation. Is that
something you could bring to the table?
MIRANDA:
Motivation is my middle name. Motivator is my
surname. Miranda Motivation Motivator. Or
‘Mmm’. I’ll motivate now if you want.
DARREN:
Go on then.
-40-
MIRANDA:
Ok… (SHOUTS:) get off your fat arses and do
something.
DARREN:
(BEAT) Certainly blatant. Now, a lot of our
products are for children, young families. Do you
have kids?
MIRANDA:
I don’t, but I get in to kids heads all the time – not
in a freaky subliminal way… I love kids. I believe
children are our future. (TO SELF:) don’t sing,
don’t sing… (SINGING:) teach them well and let
them lead the way, show them all the beauty they
possess inside… (TO CAMERA:) Can’t stop
(SINGING:) give them a sense of pride to make it
easier…
MIX TO:
-41-
SCENE 26. INT. INTERVIEW ROOM. DAY. CONT.
SHORT TIME LAPSE.
MIRANDA:
(IN THE SWING:) Because the greatest love of all,
is happening to me…
MIX TO:
-42-
SCENE 27. INT. INTERVIEW ROOM. CONT.
ANOTHER TIME LAPSE.
MIRANDA:
(ON THE TABLE GOING FOR IT, PEN AS A
MIC:) I decided long ago, never to walk in
anyone’s shadows, if I fail, if I succeed, at least I
will live as I believe…
PAUSE. MIRANDA CLOCKS CAMERA.
DARREN:
That was very inspiring.
MIRANDA:
Thank you. I didn’t realise I knew so many verses.
DARREN:
(BEAT) I didn’t realise there were so many verses.
(BEAT) So, is there anything you’d like to ask us?
MIRANDA:
Oooh, yes. When lightning strikes the sea, why
don’t all the fish die?
DARREN:
(BEAT) Relevant to the job.
MIRANDA:
Oh… no.
DARREN:
Well thanks for coming in, we’ll be in touch.
CUT TO:
-43-
SCENE 28. INT. SHOP. DAY. LATE MORNING.

D2.
MIRANDA WALKS IN FROM THE

INTERVIEW.
STEVIE:
How did it go?
MIRANDA:
Ummm…. Good I think… there were some
positives amongst the…
STEVIE:
(BEAT) You sang didn’t you?
MIRANDA NODS.
What did you sing?
MIRANDA:
I’d say the specific tune was academic wouldn’t
you?
STEVIE:
Well you do panic in formal situations.
MIRANDA:
I do.
CUT TO:
SC 29 CUT
-44-
SCENE 30. EXT. MIRANDA’S STREET. NIGHT.
A POLICE CORDON.
MIRANDA:
Can I get through? What happened?
POLICE OFFICER:
A police officer was shot. Let me take your
details…
MIRANDA:
(SINGS:) I shot the sheriff….
POLICE OFFICER SUSPICIOUSLY

STARTS GETTING CUFFS OUT.
Oh no…. I didn’t, and you know for a fact I didn’t

shoot the deputy. Oh no.
CUT TO:
-45-
SCENE 31. INT. MIRANDA’S SHOP. DAY. LATE

MORNING. D2.
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
And I know why I do it.
CUT TO:
-46-
EP. 2. SCENE 32. INT. FORMAL HALL. DAY.

(FLASHBACK)
BACK IN THE NAVAL INTERVIEW.
CAPTAIN:
Look I’m not sure her heart is in the navy…
MIRANDA:
(SINGING:) My heart will go on and
MIRANDA/PENNY:
(SINGING, TAKING THE WINSLEF DE-CAPRIO
TITANIC POSE:) Near, far, wherever you are…I
believe that the heart does go o-n…
CUT TO:
-47-
SCENE 33. INT. SHOP. DAY. LATE MORNING.

D2
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
Of all things to be hereditary…
STEVIE:
Maybe you’re not up to the cut and thrust of the
business world.
MIRANDA:
Thrust. (LAUGHS) Funny word. That’s all.
Doesn’t mean I’m not capable of taking business
seriously and thrusting (LAUGHS) with the best of
them. Thrust is a funny word. Come on thrust.
Thrust. Thrust. Said it too much now. Thrust.
Sounds weird. (TO CAMERA:) Thrust.
STEVIE:
(BEAT) Oh, I want it to sound weird. Thrust.
Thrust.
MIRANDA:
Gone weird yet?
STEVIE:
Not yet. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. It’s gone weird.
Couldn’t even spell it now. Not even a word –
thrust.
MIRANDA:
I love that. (BEAT) You would have missed me
anyway.
-48-
STEVIE:
No I wouldn’t.
MIRANDA:
You would have.
STEVIE:
I wouldn’t.
MIRANDA:
You would.
STEVIE:
I wouldn’t.
MIRANDA:
A little bit you would.
STEVIE:
Why would you have missed me?
MIRANDA:
A little bit.
STEVIE:
(SUDDEN EMOTION:) I would have missed you
loads. Sometimes I think you’re all I have.
THERE IS A MASSIVE PAUSE. MIRANDA

DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. LOOKS
TO CAMERA.
PAUSE CONTINUES. THEN MIRANDA

AND STEVIE BOTH START MUTTERING
AT THE SAME TIME ABOUT THINGS
THEY NEED TO DO.
-49-
PHONE RINGS.
MIRANDA:
Thank God.
STEVIE:
Hello? No I’m her associate… Miranda, it’s
Evergreens.
MIRANDA:
Oh – you deal with it.
STEVIE:
(LISTENING:) Right. (LISTENING AND
REPEATING TO MIRANDA:) They liked your
unique, unorthodox techniques and once they
understood what you were saying knew they
wanted you. Can you start tomorrow?
MIRANDA:
I’ll see them at 10 am sharp.
STEVIE:
They start at eight.
MIRANDA:
I’ll be there at ten. Unique and unorthodox. Who
can thrust with the best of them.
DOES A CELEBRATORY DANCE.
CUT TO:
-50-
SCENE 34. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. LUNCHTIME.

D2.
MIRANDA IS FINISHING GETTING

CHANGED OUT OF HER INTERVIEW
GEAR, THEN SITS DOWN.
MIRANDA:
(TO CAMERA:) How did this happen? A grown up
job. No longer need to fear the horrible
judgemental phrase at a social occasion ‘so, what
do you do’. Particularly at school reunions. The
last one…
CUT TO:
-51-
SCENE 35. INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM. NIGHT.

(FLASHBACK – COUPLE OF YEARS)
LOW-KEY SCHOOL REUNION.

CLASSROOM AT NIGHT, PEOPLE WITH
DRINKS.
GIRL:
After finishing my PHd I got a job in the foreign
office. Quite an adjustment from NGO relief work
in Camodia I can tell you (LITTLE LAUGH). So,
what do you do?
MIRANDA:
I’m…. Myleene Klass. TV make up can distort….
GIRL:
Right. (MOVES OFF)
MIRANDA:
See you later.
SHE DOWNS THREE GLASSES OF WINE

FROM THE BUFFET.
CUT TO:
-52-
SCENE 36. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM.

LUNCHTIME. D2.
BACK TO PRESENT.
MIRANDA:
Right, now I work in management, I can manage
the gym situ.
SHE JUMPS OVER THE CHAIR

TOWARDS THE DOOR.
CUT TO:
-53-
SCENE 37. INT. GYM. DAY. AFTERNOON. D2.

(STUDIO)
MIRANDA TALKING TO GUY ON

RECEPTION.
GUY:
There’s nothing I can do. The contract’s full proof.
MIRANDA:
Except earlier you said you’d ask people to leave if
they behaved anti-socially. So if you don’t cancel
my membership I’m going to… I’ll… I’m going to
shit all over your towels.
GUY:
We’ll just wash them.
MIRANDA:
Right. Well… fine. I’m going to… break your pool.
GUY:
What? How?
MIRANDA:
I’ll tell you how, it’s just forming in my head… I will
usher in a mass of dirty dogs.
GUY:
Dogs?
MIRANDA:
Yes dogs. And I’m going throw them in the pool
and they’ll shed their horrid hair and I might even
release some bigger animals – get a sheep that’s
covered in poo balls, you know those poo balls
-54-
they have stuck to their woollen bottoms… poo

balls… And I have access to a donkey which I
would put in there… And your pool would be
broken…
GUY:
In the unlikely event that would work… we’d have
you arrested before you got a donkey in here.
MIRANDA:
Right, well you’d bar a lunatic for defacing
equipment. (SEES THE BALL POOL). I tell you
what I’m going to do…
AS MIRANDA GOES OVER TO THE BALL

POOL, DARREN THE INTERVIEWER,
GIVES A TOWEL BACK AT RECEPTION.
(STANDING IN IT)… I’m going to wee all over the

ball pool… that’s right…
SHE SEES DARREN WALKING PAST

WHO STOPS AND STARES.
Weee…. Hello Darren…very much looking

forward to seeing you tomorrow…?
DARREN:
No, no you won’t…
MIRANDA:
Even if I got there at eight…?
DARREN:
Please stop addressing me.
-55-
HE LEAVES. TWO PEOPLE – THE

TONED WOMAN FROM EARLIER AND
ONE OTHER ARE NOW WATCHING.
MIRANDA:
Now look what you’ve done. I’ve lost my job and
can’t afford to pay membership, and Stevie will be
really upset. I know you don’t know her… So is
your company happy for a client to wee in a ball
pool in protest of it’s rules….
GUY:
Ok, Ok… if you stop … I’ll give you 5 pounds off
the monthly fee and a free instructor for 6 weeks.
MIRANDA:
(PAUSE) That could be good actually. I might
commit then.
GUY:
And if you sign up to our exclusive 36 month
membership contract…We’ll give you a free towel
robe.
MIRANDA LOOKS DUBIOUS.
CUT TO:
-56-
SCENE 38. INT. RESTAURANT. DAY.

AFTERNOON. D2.
MIRANDA AND CLIVE SITTING IN THE

SOFA AREA WITH A COFFEE. SHE IS
WEARING THE ROBE. THE
RESTAURANT IS BUSY.
MIRANDA:
Look at it – it’s gorgeous. I’ve always thought it
too much of a luxury to buy one of these. It’s not
just a towel, it’s a robe. It’s royal drying.
A CUSTOMER TRIES TO GET CLIVES

ATTENTION.
CLIVE:
(SHOUTING AT THEM:) I told you if you want
sparkling water, there’s a tap behind the bar and a
soda stream.
GARY APPROACHES.
GARY:
Hey, sorry about the job.
MIRANDA:
It’s ok. Stevie’s right the career world, not for me.
GARY:
You don’t want a job here this afternoon do you?
I’m off to my RAF thing…
HE GOES TO PUT HIS CHEF

COAT/APRON AWAY.
-57-
MIRANDA:
(DREAMILY:) Oh Officer, permission to land your
aircraft between…
CLIVE:
Out loud…
MIRANDA:
Ssh Miranda.
GARY:
(APPROACHING AGAIN:) It would help me out.
Clive’ll be on his own.
CLIVE:
I’m in charge and will fire you if you don’t pull your
weight. Nothing worse. (SIPS HIS COFFEE)
GARY DOES A PLEADING LOOK TO

MIRANDA.
MIRANDA:
I’ll do it if I can see you in uniform later.
GARY:
OK certainly commander – I salute you.
(SALUTES)
MIRANDA:
(SALUTES AND GIGGLES.)
CLIVE:
Oh please.
-58-
MIRANDA:
What? If you think I am now pathetically dreaming
about Officer and a Gentleman you are sorely
mistaken. I haven’t had those kind of dreams
since I was 12…18…27…33… last night, (TO
CAMERA:) just now.
CUT TO:
-59-
SCENE 39. INT. RESTAURANT. DAY.

AFTERNOON. D2.
MIRANDA AND CLIVE WORKING.

PENNY COMES IN.
PENNY:
(LOUDLY:) You weed in a ball pool.
PEOPLE STOP AND STARE.
MIRANDA:
Ssh. (TO CUSTOMERS:) I didn’t wee in it I just
threatened to. Carry on with your meals please.
PENNY:
(ANXIOUS) And now you’re a waitress. But you
work in TV remember.
MIRANDA:
No, I work in Evergreens.
PENNY:
You don’t because (LOUDLY:) you weed in a ball
pool.
MIRANDA:
Why say just that part of the sentence so loudly.
(TO CUSTOMERS:) I only threatened to wee in
the ball pool.
TILLY COMES IN. CARRYING NOTE PAD,

FILOFAX, BLACKBERRY.
PENNY:
Oh lord, this is a, what I call, nightmare. I can’t
cope.
-60-
SHE CRAWLS UNDER A TABLE AND

SLIPS OUT.
TILLY:
Queen Kongoleeza Rice, are you following me?
MIRANDA:
No.
TILLY:
Cup of twa? My shoutciles?
MIRANDA:
Oh, you staying? You don’t want to take away a…
go away with something…
TILLY:
Got a meeting… (GOING TO A TABLE AND SITS)
(SHE BECKONS MIRANDA WHILST LOOKING
AT A NOTEPAD, NOT REALISING MIRANDA
HAS BEEN THERE A WHILE) Join, join, join,
join… sit, sit, sit,…. Join, join,… sit, sit, sit,
sit…(SEES MIRANDA AND JUMPS)
MIRANDA:
What are you having?
TILLY:
I could woof a gateaux. But just a tea.
MIRANDA:
Two teas. (SHE WRITES IT DOWN) (TO
CAMERA:) How’s this going to work?
-61-
TILLY:
So congrats about the Evergreens job.
MIRANDA:
Thanks.
TILLY:
We can make my do a Michael doubelay
celebration. So are you replacing that nutter who
got fired before they started?
MIRANDA:
Blimey news travels fast out there. Well let’s say
some eccentric, not nutter. To give the nutter her
due. Or his due. Whoever’s due it was. It wasn’t
my due. Said due too much. Due. Sounds funny
now. Due. Thrust. Sorry. Right, I’ll get the teas.
TILLY:
Isn’t it waitress service?
MIRANDA:
Yeah, but it’s nice to pitch in…
MIRANDA GOES TO THE BAR. THERE

ARE LOTS OF ORDERS THAT NEED
HANDING OUT.
TILLY HAS GOT A DIARY OUT AND IS

WRITING IN IT. MIRANDA CARRIES A
TRAY WITH THE OTHER ORDERS ON
AND WHILST TILLY ISN’T LOOKING
PLONKS THEM ON THE TABLES AND
WHEN SHE LOOKS UP COVERS UP –
FARCICAL MANEOUVRE TO BE
CHOREOGRAPHED.
-62-
MIRANDA ENDS UP BACK AT THE

TABLE, EXHAUSTED. BUT SHE HAS
PUT TEAS ON THE NEXT DOOR TABLE
AND TWO SALADS ON THEIRS.
There we are…
TILLY:
Hang on a min – how is this tea? (TRIES TO
DRINK THE SALAD)
MIRANDA FLINCHES.
Are you a waitress?
MIRANDA:
Don’t be ridiculous.
CUSTOMER:
Excuse me waitress, I think that’s our order.
TILLY:
(S)He’s talking to you.
MIRANDA:
Right, you’re probably confused. One minute I’m
in the shop working in television, the next in
Evergreens and then I’m a waitress. I’d explain,
but I can’t. I’m undercover. Have you ever seen
Spooks? I’ve already said too much.
CLIVE STARTS TO APPROACH.
What I can say is that a guy posing as a waiter is a

contact. When he comes to tell me I’m fired, don’t
make a fuss. It’s code to get to my next post.
-63-
CLIVE:
Miranda, stop ordering food and chatting – you’re
fired.
MIRANDA:
That’s me.
MIRANDA DOES A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

STYLE EXIT, HUMMING TO THE MUSIC.
Some people say humming the music is a give

away, I think it’s a clever double bluff.
CUT TO:
-64-
SCENE 40. INT. SHOP. LATE AFTERNOON. D2.
MIRANDA COMES IN CARRYING THE

ROBE.
MIRANDA:
(DEPRESSED:) Hi.
STEVIE:
Oh dear.
MIRANDA:
I got sacked, Tilly saw me being a waitress, and…
STEVIE:
Please don’t tell me you signed a gym contract to
get a free towelling robe…
MIRANDA:
Look at it!
STEVIE:
Pathetic.
MIRANDA:
I got five pounds off…
STEVIE:
Five pounds, that’s it.
MIRANDA:
Supportive, bad day.
-65-
STEVIE:
Right. Come on, don’t worry. There’s always
something positive... Isn’t there Heather?
SHE GETS OUT A SMALL CUT OUT OF

HEATHER SMALL. DUCKS BEHIND IT.
‘What have you done today to make you feel

proud?’
MIRANDA:
Umm… oh, umm… not much Heather, but I’m
going to go to Tilly’s promotione celebration and
proudly for once say I own a joke shop…
STEVIE:
Good girly.
MIRANDA:
You coming too? Going to change… (HEADING
UPSTAIRS)
STEVIE:
One sec… (ADJUSTING HER EXPENIDTURE
CHART) 5 pounds. Have you seen my
expenditure chart?
MIRANDA:
Oh yeah, bring it upstairs and talk me through it.
STEVIE:
Really?
MIRANDA:
No! (GOES) (O.O.V) Everytime.
-66-
SCENE 41. INT. RESTAURANT. EVENING. D2.
MIRANDA AND STEVIE COME IN –

MIRANDA IS CHANGED FOR THE
PARTY. TILLY IS HAVING DRINKS WITH
SOME OFFICE WORKERS. CLIVE IS
WORKING. PENNY IS THERE.
TILLY:
Hey, Konger, didn’t think you’d turn up.
MIRANDA:
Course – wanted to wish you well...
TILLY:
That is so sweet because you must be jealous –
pleased, but jealous you know.
PENNY APPROACHES.
MIRANDA:
No, not jealous because I have a great job that I’m
really proud of.
PENNY:
(TO MIRANDA:) Don’t worry darling, I’ve got this
covered…
MIRANDA:
No Mum it’s fine…
PENNY:
She’s a surveillance commander in the forces…
MIRANDA:
Oh no.
-67-
TILLY:
(LAUGHING:) Yeah, yeah, the secret service …
MIRANDA:
Uh excuse me – why don’t you think I could do
that?
STEVIE:
People are so quick to judge.
MIRANDA:
Aren’t they Stevie?
TILLY:
How many jobs did you have or not have today
and now you’re really convincing us you’re in in the
forces….
GARY COMES IN, IN UNIFORM.
MIRANDA:
Wow.
MIRANDA GOES IN TO A LITTLE

FANTASY SO REAL BACKGROUND
NOISE FADES OUT AND OFFICER AND A
GENTLEMAN MUSIC COMES ON AND
GARY WALKS TOWARDS MIRANDA IN A
DREAMY HAZE.
GARY:
Hi.
AS HE SAYS THAT THE REALITY

RETURNS.
Commander. (SALUTES)
-68-
MIRANDA:
(SALUTING) Cadet Preston.
GARY:
The barracks are secure and your officers await
your next orders.
MIRANDA:
Thank you. You can stand down for the night.
GARY:
Thank you maam.
TILLY:
No way.
MIRANDA:
(SMILES SMUGLY) (TO CAMERA:) This has
worked out marvelisaMousaleeni.
GARY:
Come here, know you’re dying to do this.
WE HEAR OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

MUSIC.
GARY PICKS UP MIRANDA AND

CARRIES HER TO A TABLE. WE SEE
FROM BEHIND, AS IN THE END OF THE
FILM, GARY CARRYING MIRANDA WITH
HIS UNIFORM HAT ON, AND THEN
MIRANDA TAKES GARY’S HAT OFF AND
PUTS IT ON HER HEAD.
WE NOW SEE THEM FROM THE FRONT.

‘YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING’.
MIRANDA HART. SHE WAVES WHILST
BEING CARRIED.
-69-
TOM ELLIS NODS WHILST CARRYING

HER.
SARAH HADLAND
STEVIE:
(CLAPPING, AS IN THE FILM) Way to go
Miranda, way to go. (WAVES TO CAMERA.)
PATRICIA HODGE AS PENNY IS

CLAPPING (AS IN FILM) AND LOOKS TO
CAMERA.
SALLY PHILIPPS AS TILLY ALSO

CLAPPING AND LOOKS TO CAMERA.
JAMES HOLMES AS CLIVE ALSO

CLAPPING MIRANDA AND LOOKS TO
CAMERA.
END OF EPISODE
-70-

Miranda S01e03

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Miranda S01e03

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MIRANDA: EP 2: ‘JUST THE JOB’

SCENE 1. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. DAY.

EP.2. SCENE 2. INT. FORMAL HALL. DAY.

MIRANDA AND PENNY SAT A DESK.

MIRANDA SHOCKED STARE AT PENNY.

PENNY SHOCKED STARE AT MIRANDA.

SCENE 3. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. DAY.

SCENE 4. EXT. STREET. DAY/EARLY EVE.

A COUPLE OF MEN IN SUITS WITH

MIRANDA GALLOPS PAST WAVING AT

SCENE 5. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. DAY.

EP.2. SCENE 6. INT. CAREERS OFFICE. DAY.

MIRANDA (10 YEARS AGO) SITTING

CAREERS OFFICER LOOKS BAFFLED.

Even you would have been impressed by Poirot

SCENE 7. INT. MIRANDA’S SITTING ROOM. DAY.

SCENE 8. INT. LIGHT ENT SET WITH VARIETY

MIRANDA DANCES TBA

SCENE 9. INT. SHOP. DAY. MORNING/FIRST

MIRANDA COMES DOWN STAIRS.

WE HEAR A DONKEY BRAY.

STEVIE STARES AT MIRANDA THEN

PAUSE. MIRANDA STARES AT THE

STEVIE IS MUTTERING NUMBERS

You’re actually loving the expenses issue…

PENNY ENTERS IN A PANIC.

(ACCENT:) Stay back or I’ll throw yer to the sex

DURING THE ABOVE MIRANDA TRIES

AGAIN, DURING BELOW SPEECH

MIRANDA LOOKS TO PENNY FOR HELP.

HER BLACKBERRY BEEPS

(LOOKING AT TEXT) Oh, utmost colliosity.

MIRANDA (AT SAME TIME):

How dare she think I couldn’t have a proper

SHE SPRINTS UPSTAIRS AND WE SEE

CUT TO: STING

SC 10 CUT & SC 11 INCORPORATED INTO SC 9

SCENE 12. INT. GYM. DAY. LATER MORNING.

WE ESTABLISH A GYM. AND MIRANDA

SHE STARTS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

BEHIND THE DESK AT RECEPTION IS

WE SEE HIM GO TO PRESS A BUTTON

THE DOORS OPEN AND MIRANDA

SHE DOES THE FALLING MOVE AGAIN

GRABS A TOWEL AND JOGS OFF – THE

SCENE 13. INT. GYM. DAY. (LOCATION)

MIRANDA IS IN THE MAIN SECTION OF

SHE APPROACHES THE CROSS

GUY COMES OVER AND DOES SO.

Thanks. Sorry, the ones I’m used to are less…

SHE SITS ON A WEIGHT BENCH AND

Woooohh. (COVERING PAIN:) That’s good…

SCENE 14. INT. GYM. DAY. (LOCATION)

MIRANDA BY THE YOGA BALLS

THERE ARE A MASS OF YOGA BALLS IN

SHE STANDS UP AND FINISHES LIKE A

SHE FINDS A STEP MACHINE (N.B. IF

SHE GETS ON IT AND DOES A FEW

MIRANDA IS CLEARLY IN PAIN.

If you do 200 you’ve got to the top of Eiffel Tower.

SCENE 15. INT. RECEPTION GYM (STUDIO)

MIRANDA IS LOOKING WHAT TO DO