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digg it del.icio.usWe must learn to honor the boundaries between each other, and demand to be treatedwith respect.There are thousands of women in our country that carry a deep dark burden ofsecret shame. It has a name-spousal rape. Many women are unaware that what theyendure, often multiple times a day, is in fact a crime. Even those that know whatit is, won't report it because of the difficulties in being taken seriously, andoften the threat of losing their homes, children and maybe their lives, precludereporting it. Instead they may diffidently at first broach the subject with otherwomen, or joke about their husbands always wanting "it" It isn't a joke. No meansno. A woman has the right to say no and have that respected.Rape is not about wanting or love or passion, it is about control. Rapistsdehumanize their victims, and spouses can be more savage than the better knowntype of rapist. What type of man rapes his wife? What makes him tick? First andforemost these men are very egocentric. Their needs and wants are the mostimportant thing in the world to them. When made uncomfortable by denial of anysort, they tend to overreact by shouting, punching walls or-raping. They considermarriage an automatic entitlement to sex on demand. Always on their terms ofcourse. In fact, if a woman becomes too sexually aggressive with a man like this,it often deflates him, and he is unable to perform.There are several different ways a man may abuse his wife's body. If she is tiredor ill, he may wait until she is asleep and simply take what he feels he deservesto take. Or he may bully, harass and demean his wife into giving in, threateningher with seeking "it" elsewhere. He can use tactics such as debasing her self-esteem, telling her she is little more than an appliance to him, or worse. Thesemen are not only extremely dysfunctional and selfish, they can be dangerous. Whenangered beyond reason, they may in fact, rape their wives as brutally as anyonesitting in prison for the same crime.The badly torn and bleeding wife may ask her husband why, and be told "you knowdamned well all women secretly want to be raped" With her pride and body intatters, there is little else she can do but try and hide her wounds from familyand friends, and pray each night it won't happen again. But it does-after thefirst assault, it may be months, but it will happen again sooner or later and itWILL NOT stop, until you do something about it.If you are a victim of spousal rape tell someone, anyone you truly trust. Talkingabout it is the first step to recovering your instincts for self preservation andpride. I was amazed at the number of women I personally know, who have undergonespousal rape, even if only once. So you are not alone, nor are you strange or needto feel any shame. That trophy belongs to the coward who did this to you.Realise, and teach your children that bodily "rights to privacy" must berespected. Marriage doesn't grant anyone the right to assault your body againstyour will-ever. If your spouse is reasonable in other areas you can try to educate
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