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Snooze X Reduced

Snooze X Reduced

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Published by Robert-Jan Maycock

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Published by: Robert-Jan Maycock on Jan 03, 2011
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 Monday 2nd July 2007 
Gordon Br 
own: same shit, different day 
Monday 2nd July 2007.
House painter sentenced toperform sex acts
G8 FEATURE: clown report anddouble-page photo insert
Aberystwyth Masterplan targetsdear old Commodore
Here goes with a very rapidappraisal of the Aberystwyth
Masterplan… But rst a response to
the process of exhibiting the plan tothe public. When I arrived to viewthe Masterplan at just after 10amon Thursday morning, there were just a few expensively produceddisplay boards in the MorlanCentre. There was no one here toanswer questions, no indication of any linked programme or process posted anywhere. Apparently theMasterplan is only on display from10am to 4.30pm, which surely prohibits the majority of working people from seeing it. Certainly onlya bare handful of people dropped inwhile I was there. Pryderi Jones of the Morlan Centre told me he wasn’tsure what was going on. Apparentlythere had been an audio visual presentation of the Masterplan onTuesday night, an event of whichI was totally unaware. Then, therehad been people to answer questionson Wednesday. But no sign of anyone today. I looked aroundfor information to take away or aninternet link to an online versionof the Masterplan. Nothing. Therewas, however, a form to feedback on the Masterplan and this did havea contact. I’ll share that informationin case anyone wants to respond toa plan they were probably unableto get to see:
Steffan Roberts,Regional Development Manager,Welsh Assembly Government,Y Lanfa, Trefechan, AberystwythSY23 1AS.
 Now, to the Masterplan itself.First off, Masterplan sounds a bitlike Final solution! Otherwise, asmight be expected, there are twodistinct logics or at least rhetorics
at work the plan. The rst is very
evidently a story of continuedeconomic growth, prosperity andmodernity. I bridled to read themanagement consultant jargonthat ‘a nationally recognised brandshould be developed for the town’.I winced as the neo-Victorian visionof the ‘new town’ harped on somesimulacra of an imperial idyll thatnever existed: a copy without anoriginal. I’m dubious about ‘sitesfor larger scale businesses’ – what businesses, doing what, owned by whom? If, for example, theselarger businesses are multinationalarms manufacturers, then as far asI’m concerned there should be no place for them in Aberystwyth.The other rhetoric very clearly inuse, however, is that of all thingsenvironmentally sustainable.And I was delighted to readabout local produce, renewableenergy, a low carbon economy,
reducing the impact of trafc and parking, reducing HGV trafc,
district heating, cycle routesand enhancing cycling, non-car use, alternative transport choice,hourly train services, excellent public transport…The real problem, it seems tome, is that many of us are verymuch afraid that the rhetorics of continued economic growth andenvironmental sustainability areirreconcilable (
... this article cont. p2
More on the plan, pages 3-4
Blink and you’ll miss the next 10 years...
 Monday 2nd July 2007 
...cont. from front page
Though the obvious question inresponse to the Masterplan is howwe are actually going to attain thisurban utopia, the real question may be more fundamental than that.Is such a utopia even a valid visionto hold; is it a viable objective?Or is it like having your cake andeating it?If development continues beingmeasured by the crude indicator of economic growth, gross national product – crudely put, gettingcash richer – then sustainabledevelopment may well turn out to bea contradiction in terms. We need
to t other models of developmentthat reect richness of life quality
and morality into the plan for our town. We need to consider measuressuch as the ecological footprint andGross National Happiness. Thethird rhetoric in the Masterplan isthe most telling. It is the rhetoric of community and it is our communitywho need to debate what sustainabledevelopment means in a post peak oil world of climate change andglobal ecological responsibility.Finally, to the most vexingaspect of the plan. Here and nowI want to launch a campaign tosave the Commodore, which theMasterplan ruthlessly targets for redevelopment. Prime town centrereal estate, the cinema looks setto be torn down to make room
for more shops or ofces! These
management consultants may havespent a couple of years comingup with the Masterplan, allegedlydelivering it a year late, but theyhave obviously never enjoyed awarm beer in the downstairs bar of the Commodore or experiencedthe bizarre lights-up pause to buyanother choc-ice that comes after the coming-soons and before themain feature. If we want a newtown with a heritage feel, thensurely we must retain the 1950stime-warp that is the Commodore.It is a quintessential part of Aberystwyth culture. Given theman inch and next they’ll target thearcade on the pier! 
 A. Resident 
Save our Cinema:Master Plan targets dear old Commodore
Aberystwyth Master Plan ..
3-4Taxi Driver ..........................
4Transition Town progress ...
5Pictures from G8 ........... 6 & 7G8 reports .....................
8 & 9Police and theives ..............
9Bethan and the bois .......... 10Big up to superboat ........... 10BadgerWatch ..................... 11Diary dates ........................
Snooze Outlets
include: - the Treehouse (restaurant) / Julian Shelley’s bookshop / Siop Y Prom/ The Old Consti Cafe Art Gallery /The Olive Branch / The Orangery /The Living Room
(at the Cooper’s Armson Wednesday nights)
and where wouldwe be without our trusty street rabble?
Ydy’r ffaith body papur hwn ynunieithog ynpoeni chi?
Mae’n poeni ni, hoffwn fod ynagored i bawb. Gallwch helpugyda cyieithu, fyddwn yndiolchgar iawn cysylltwch ni osgwelwch yn dda:
Rydyn ni’n aros isiarad gyda CHI!
 Dear Cambrian Snooze,
It was so nice to see reported in the Cambrian News the other week that an
entire ve days had been dedicated to the recognition of Care Assistants, wherethree long suffering workers received generous rewards during Care AssistantWeek for the ability to continue stressful, tiring, low-paid jobs for thirty-plusyears without burning out, like so many have done! It must be reassuring CareAssistants across the county that their ‘invaluable’ work (valued at £5.50-£7.50per hour) will be immortalised by a couple of trees in the care homes’ gardens.Nice, also, to see that ‘recognition week’ was marked by a recruitment bustouring the county to persuade more ‘caring’ people to do the jobs no-one elsewants! Perhaps if the care sector jobs were actually valued by our society asprofessions, rather than low-rate jobs only suitable for charitable Christians,former housewives and economic migrants; if care workers received betterpay for fewer hours; if care services were not tendered to private companiesselected primarily on their ability to provide the cheapest service, then these jobs might be a more popular choice, and there wouldn’t be such a shortage of Care Assistants in Ceredigion.
Yours sincerely, Mrs Dawn Trodyn
 Monday 2nd July 
1) “Aberystwyth”;
too unpronounceable.Too many vowels, or notenough, or something.Therefore we proposerenaming it “Seaview”.
2) The Old College.
It’s a beautiful and histori-cal old building, howeverwe feel it is wasted onthe students who afterall are only interested incheap lager. It should beconverted into a chintzytearoom and posh hotel,perhaps run by a respect-able multinational hotelchain such as Holiday
Inns™ (“Soft, uffy towels
and some great deals onweekend family rooms;see our website at www.blandblandbland.com”).
3) The railway station
 is clearly in the way (of sensible retail develop-ment). Move it out of thetown. Only poor peoplewho contribute nothingto the local economy ar-rive by train. All servicesshould terminate at Borthand a “greenway” (i.e. thecliff path) welcome pas-sengers into the town.
4) The bus station.
We’ve included a fewsoft focus pictures of buses as it makes peoplefeel comfortable but wewouldn’t want anyoneto actually use them;they cast a fortune insubsidies- money farbetter spent on consul-tants such as ourselves.In addition the currentbus station providessomewhere for hood-ies, delinquents and buspassengers to loitermenacingly. Consequentlycreating a new “transportinterchange” inconve-niently out of the ownwill further discouragebus usage and free upvaluable space for a carpark.
5) Concrete.
We’ll need lots of it.
6) Trees.
We’ve vaguelysketched in a few treesto make the proposedretail parks look evenmore pretty, howeverdon’t worry we probablywon’t plant them (rootscan wreck havoc withproperty prices). Theyinterfere too much withcar parking space.
7) Retain the uniqueWelsh atmosphere of the town.
All excitingnew retail developmentswill be in the traditionalWelsh style of prefabri-cated concrete sheds as is
beautifully exemplied by
the Rheidol and Ystwythretail parks.
8) Existing towncentre.
Aberystwythcurrently has a bustling,thriving centre with awide variety of indepen-dent, locally owned shopsand a farmers’ market.This is simply intolerablein the modern era of international brands andventure capitalists. Ac-cess to the town centremust be made even more
difcult by planting trees
down the middle of Darkgate Street. This willalso constitute our greenpolicy.
9) Capel Bangor.
Thereis currently a lack of sub-urban family housing soCapel Bangor will be re-
classied a satellite town,
thus bypassing annoyingplanning regulations andenabling our friends atBarrett Housing to buildlovely estates of “afford-able family residenceswith prices as low as£29,999” In addition theA44 is a very nice road tocommute to work along.After years of research,consultation and hardwork we are certainthat this Masterplan willensure that Aberystwyth/Seaview becomes a muchmore appealing and eco-nomically vibrant placeto live, work and visit. Atthe very least it will look much more like Wolver-hampton.Anyone in support of thisplan should make them-selves known at the back of our portacabin be-tween the hours of .00and 4.00 where they willreceive a large brown en-velope (town councillorsplease move to the frontof the queue). If anyonehas any objections oramendments to suggestthey can put them inwriting addressed to theforeman, Glan yr Afon tip,where he will be pleasedto put them in the paperbank: LDA and the WelshAssembly are committedto recycling.As part of our commit-ment to a bilingual Waleswe really wanted to havethis Masterplan in Welshas well, however unfor-tunately £00,000 was
insufcient to employ a
 Aberystwyth Master Plan
For those of you unable to visit the magnicent, no expenses spared unveiling of the Aberystwyth
Masterplan at the Morlan, the Cambrian Snooze is delighted on behalf of LDA ltd. to reprint a
summery of the main points

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