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Bnei Baruch Personal Account

Bnei Baruch Personal Account

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Published by Mominisrael
An account by a former member of Bnei Baruch, a group that purports to teach Kabbalah or Jewish mysticism. The author explains how he got into the cult and the effect if had on him. A reader said it "reads like a Dan Brown novel without the crappy ending."
An account by a former member of Bnei Baruch, a group that purports to teach Kabbalah or Jewish mysticism. The author explains how he got into the cult and the effect if had on him. A reader said it "reads like a Dan Brown novel without the crappy ending."

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Categories:Types, Speeches
Published by: Mominisrael on Jan 06, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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This account was sent to me via email in response to a post on Bnei Baruch I wrote inApril, 2009. Aside from adding the headings, cutting out repetition and a fewgrammatical changes (the author is not a native English speaker) I have left the accountas it stands.
My Story of Bnei Baruch
I’m going to write about my experience with them, some of what happened afterwards,and my view on their teachings. I've been meaning to do this for a while, just never felt'safe' enough. Your blog looks like the perfect place for this, so you can publish thisemail if you want. I'm sorry it’s so long. I started writing and just had to keep writingwhat’s on my mind. I could write a lot more, but I would have to remember things, and persons, and events, and phrases, and voices and conversations, and 'classes' and 'studies,’and I would have to remember details of their evil doctrine, and I would have to readabout it or even listen to their insane words, to reference them and expose their lies, tomake this letter more complete.But I just can’t do it, primarily because of the pain and regret that remembering all thosethings brings to me, and also because I want to forget all this, and leave it behind, andkeep it miles and miles away from me and from my home, and from my computer andspecially from my mind and heart. I occasionally Google them to see if anyone has'debunked' them or if anyone is attacking them, only to dismay at the fact that they willalways show up with their websites among the top results, even when you Google thingslike "Bnei Baruch satanic luciferian cult". The little criticism available is always old andhidden. So I'll just write an emotional account, leaving out personal details. This will not be necessarily an accurate account of their doctrine, just what I have retained by memory.If I debate their doctrine on their grounds, it’s like they are teaching me about it again. I'lltalk about my experiences and just ignore anyone from Bnei Baruch who is arrogantenough to say something about what I'll write, if they are allowed to comment. I won’teven read them anymore.Also, I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, or if I sound crazy. I read it and even Iget a bit scared and confused and sad. But Bnei Baruch students and ex-BB studentsmight understand this stuff more accurately, I don't know... Anyway, I really needed towrite this stuff down, so thanks for the encouragement.The Damla person and all her posts are very accurate. The only thing this 'kabala' stuff will do to you is bring mental problems into your life. After my first 'lesson', the first live'lesson' I watched online, after having read extensively about their doctrine, I cried myeyes out for hours at night, uncontrollably, without exactly knowing why. They call this'the gate of tears'. I am still not sure why that happened, and they don't really have anygood explanations that don’t require hours of lessons to explain, and then you are hooked.Looking back, it was not a beautiful religious experience, although it might have seemedlike that at the time. It was very, very scary. I wasn't feeling love and forgiveness from akind 'creator' who wanted to bring me to 'complete delight'. I was feeling shame, horror and frustration out of the fact that "I MYSELF" wasn't yet a 'god'! Sounds crazy? It only
got worse after that. I never had mental problems, and I completely ceased to have any problems after separating myself from bb completely and forever, in heart and mind. Infact, it would be hard for a psychiatrist to believe now the depth I have fallen, given thatnow, so little time latter, I am perfectly normal and with no traces of any problem,without any treatment. I am now a very happy, social, friendly person, with plans andhopes and peace. Completely opposite to what I was while 'studying' kabbalah. I becamea complete mess while 'studying' it. Anyone else would still be under psych meds after everything I went trough, but all I needed was just to get away from bb, in heart andmind. And yet, no one ever suspects what happened to me, because I am so fine rightnow. I wont directly talk about what happened to me, to preserve my identity. I'll just talk about the conclusions I have formulated from the experiences I had.
How I Got Involved in Bnei Baruch
I've never been to Israel. I've never been among them. I've met very few people from bbin person. I only once went to meet some other local 'students' in my region. I was one of those guys 'studying' over the internet, exchanging emails and watching lessons live withothers while talking on instant messaging programs, bombarding each others withhypocritical emoticons. I can only imagine the pain those guys go through, waking up at3 am in the morning to 'draw the light that reforms'. Can you imagine the existentialhorror and dread a person has to be in, to wake up at 3 am in the morning to read sometexts they will NEVER understand, written by some obscure kabbalist years ago, during 3full hours, surrounded by a bunch of men they probably hate, in the hopes that by doingthis they will become GOD HIMSELF? No real explanation is ever given about anythingyou ask about the study material. Formally, they answer questions with more obscurestuff, but substantially, the answer is always 'faith above reason'. Faith in what? Faith inthe promise that Michael Laitman makes me that I'll become a 'god' by reading nonsenseand disseminating it? If you ask me to put my reason beneath my faith in you, you better  be able to at least open up the red sea with your command, to back yourself up. Then Imight start thinking about your request. But bb's response to this type of questioning isthat the group exists to BRAINWASH you! They mean this LITERALLY!After that first night, I kept 'studying'. I would download every lesson. I would make sureI could watch them live, to my own loss, to the loss of my sleep and health, and to theloss of my other personal affairs. It was normal at that time to cancel meetings withfriends and family to watch their broadcasts. Because of the time zones, my schedule hadto be significantly altered. This makes you wonder... they make a big point aboutwatching the thing live, because by this you will 'draw more light that reforms' by'connecting all your points in the heart at the same time'... This doesn’t give them a profit,on the contrary, I'm sure it’s very expensive for them! Would the real Creator of theuniverse need us to gather over the internet at the same time to change our hearts? NotHim! He could do it anytime. But bb worships something else, something limited, whoonly calls itself 'creator', and needs us to gather like sheep at a specific time, do devour usall together...
I listened to the lessons on my mp3 everyday. I didn’t think about anything else. I wokeup and put on my headphones, I went to sleep with my headphones, listening to MichaelLaitman through an interpreter. I wanted so badly to achieve 'equivalence of form'...
How Bnei Baruch Makes You Crazy—Literally
Then bigger problems started to appear. I started to hate EVERYTHING andEVERYONE. I disagreed with everyone, and constantly picked arguments with peopleover meaningless things. People were surely annoyed by me. Deep down in 'my' soul, Ifelt this enormous hate for everyone. I wanted to kill everyone. I would have gore imagesflashing in my mind, amputation, death, horrific images. They all looked like they weremy own imagination. It didn't look like hallucinations. No, they were just very vividimagery. Like, if I say the word 'elephant', you will think of an elephant. But theelephants I was seeing in my mind were all monstrous and ugly, and they stomped people, and tortured them in many different ways. And I really enjoyed this. I enjoyed thehate. I would walk in the streets and parks and imagine everyone around me beingcrushed by evil things, and electrocuted by lighting coming out of my body. I felt somuch hate. And those imaginations were very vivid, yet at the same time they looked likemy own imagination, it looked like I was just imagining those things because I wanted to,out of fun or boredom. I rarely associated those things with Bnei Baruch or kabbalah.Everyone around me was seen by me as just an egoist, and all the things I had to do, mywork and other affairs, all that was just hindering my progress of uniting with, and becoming, the 'creator'. So I hated everyone, even the 'group' and 'friends', because theywere doing such a poor job and 'disseminating' and 'uniting'. The world was a stumbling block to my progress.I became careless with my affairs. There was much loss during this period, things I willnever recover. Time wasted. So this nonsense 'study' is not 'free' at all. I became obsessedwith some specific people. I wanted to teach them what 'real love' was (as if I knew), asopposed to the 'egoistic love' they had. Many relationships were lost, and never recovered. I had some very intense urges and desires that are too embarrassing to share. Iwas turning into a psychopath and I knew this was happening! After all, the 'kli' had togrow large enough to contain the 'light'. I was always evil like that, I thought, I just never noticed it because there was no 'light' shining on my mind to show me my evil; my 'ego'was just growing because of the influence of the light. This is what they will say to you.You have to think carefully about this: what 'light' would make you turn evil? Who wouldshine this light on you, and why?You really start to believe all sorts of crazy things trying to understand what are thespiritual things they are talking about. Like people in red are out to get you. Or all sorts of crazy stuff I won’t mention, but that just go way beyond the weirdness meter. I believed Iwould wake up and everyone would reveal to me that the world was just a show, thateveryone was the puppet of the 'creator', they were pretending to live, and could read mymind. Very weird behavior came out of this. Very weird thoughts. Very weird visionsand imagery. Very weird concepts. Nothing ever made any sense anymore from then on.This is why Bnei Baruch always insists that people don't change their habits and jobs and

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