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My LIfe Story Christmas 2010

My LIfe Story Christmas 2010

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Published by Helen E. Devlin
My Current Autobiography
My Current Autobiography

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Published by: Helen E. Devlin on Jan 11, 2011
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I have been a real work horse since I obtained my B.A. Degree in Sociology from University of the Pacificin Stockton. I was married while I was in college, and the marriage only lasted for two and one half years. We were both glad when it was over. My husband's mother wanted her son to have children, andhe also claimed to want a family. When he discovered through getting the results of my medical examby a obstetrician friend of his mother's, he realized that I was "damaged goods", because there was ahigh risk of problems with my being pregnant. Therefore, he cruelly was just miserable to me to me. Iguess he hoped that I would divorce him. However, I thought that it would be better for him to divorceme, which he eventually did after being extremely cruel and miserable to me.After the divorce, I lost my job with the county in Stockton, and my family would not assist me in anyway. They just did not have the means to do this for me. Since the divorce, I have not re-married. I have just been working and living alone. I have been employed doing support staff work for about 44 years,37 of those years have been with the federal government, and I am still working.One big event in my life was a trip to London in 1997. I went with the University of California ExtensionProgram, and I was there for three weeks and went to 14 live theatrical performances. I also took a vantrip out to the British countryside, and I thoroughly enjoyed immersing myself in English life especiallysince I have been attending services at an Episcopal Church here in Oakland since the 1970s. In the1960s I had a five day vacation in Hawaii, which was just marvelous. I stayed at the beach at Waikiki. In1997 I also visited my sister, Vicky, in Boston. We had a lovely time during the visit. Since then she hasmoved to Maine with her husband where her step daughter resides. She is now retired from her fulltime job but is working part-time. In 1994 I went to Washington, D.C. to the headquarters of the agencywhere I have been employed for the last 20 years. I especially liked visiting the Smithsonian Museumsand the National Cathedral in Georgetown while I was there.The hobby I have now to keep in shape is working out at a health club near where I work. It involvesquite an expenditure of time and money. I even have a personal trainer who gives me new work-outsevery two weeks. I enjoy living in the Bay Area and riding around on public transit, especially BART,which is so convenient. The apartment where I live is close to where I work in downtown Oakland, and Iam glad I do not have a long commute to work.I recently had cataract surgery (August 2005) with intraocular lenses implanted in both eyes. Now myvision is 20/40 without glasses. I read the news on-line every day.My brother also lives in California, and I go to visit him and his wife by AmTrack every year in thesummer, and he and his wife come to visit me at Christmas time. He also works full time as a specialeducation teacher. I learned about the perils of single parenthood very well when I worked at thewelfare department as a social worker in Stockton during the 1960s and chose not to have any children.The main reason why I did not have any children, besides the fact that I would have been living interrible poverty if I had, was that I had a back injury, which I had sustained when I was around six orseven years of age. This injury resulted in considerable physical pain for me all of my life. Besides thephysical pain, it was inadvisable for me to have children. I believed I could have died in child birth withsuch an injury or ended up paralyzed. I was told this after sustaining the injury, as a young child;
 
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however, this news was so shocking to me that I was unable to fully acknowledge this within my fullyconscious awareness. All I knew on a fully conscious level was that I should avoid pregnancy because of some peril to myself. I told people that I could have had children, and I consciously believed that I couldhave had children, which I could have had but with the great possibility of death or paralysis as a result. Ichose to not take the risk, and I am very glad that I made this decision for my own well-being.Since I am now 69 years old, I naturally have been thinking about retiring from my government job, butmy plans now are to work as long as I am able to work. I am working on my budget and cutting back onmy expenses, but it really is difficult to plan to cut back when I want to have many things, which Iactually could do without if I put my mind to it. I know I will have to live all right on what I will receiveand maybe even obtain another job after I retire, if that is possible, now that I am almost sixty-nineyears old and have only done clerical work all of my life and only have a typing speed of forty works perminute although my grammar skills and reading comprehension as well as my ability to put my thoughtson paper are stellar.I am also working on my mental and emotional state -- to be psychologically prepared for theadjustment of going from a fully employed individual to a retired person, and I now have anunderstanding of my life experiences and how they have made me the person I am today. Watching Dr.Phil has made it possible for me to appreciate, understand and accept many aspects of my ownexistence. My main concern is with structuring my time. I feel the experiences I have had so far instructuring my time in all of the years I have been living are what I should use to manage the continuingphases of my life as well. I am working with a therapist to understand my needs, and I now accept mylife experiences so I should be tranquil and serene and live an existence, which is a happy and positiveexperience for both me and for those within my environment.I so far am physically healthy and not impaired in any way. I feel I am very fortunate and that I deservemy good health because I have chosen a healthy life style for myself all of these years. I did take somerisks with very rare sexually promiscuous behavior just to kill time when it still was safe to be that wayback in my twenties and early thirties, but fortunately the men I had sex with were largely clean and Idid not obtain any diseases, which were life threatening or that had long term consequences of reducingmy longevity, as far as I know. My therapist is very worried about the fact that I am largely living inisolation and that will be even more true after I retire and no longer have a job to go to. I believe,because of years of experience in being alone by choice and circumstance, that I have deep levels of capacity for being alone without becoming crazy or being a problem to myself or others. As a man atwork expressed it, and I am not sure whether he was speaking about me or someone else, but it doesapply in my case. I am wearing a chastity belt and a chemical straight jacket. The chastity belt is therebecause of my great fear over contracting diseases by having sex which precludes any desire I mighthave to indulge in having sex; and the chemical straight jacket is due to an extremely low dose of apsychotropic medication, which I take with successful results, fortunately, to handle chemicalimbalances within my brain.
 
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I feel I am the results of all of my life experiences and of my genetics. I lead a healthy life style and forthat reason I am now doing extremely well for myself as compared to what could have happened to meif I had not taken care of myself as well as I have. My life has been a real struggle for me, and I havequietly led this life of desperation without making any further problems for myself or for others. I am anunfriendly and critical person, and I really am not very nice in many ways, but I have never been reallyphysically violent, and I have never gotten into any trouble when in distress because I am very wellcontrolled, and I take the advice of people I respect when making decisions about my course of action inimportant matters in my life. I feel that I have definitely been affected by my religious training, and thathas definitely shaped me into the person I am today. I also am interested in preserving my health, and Iread a great deal about health matters to determine my actions on such matters as diet and exerciseand other aspects such as socializing with others. I had some good experiences growing up which I referto through my memory and which have determined at crucial times my course of action although I havenot realized it until later when I have thought about my past experiences. I am fortunate in that I wasshaped in my early years in some ways by people who had my best interests at heart.When I attended my forty-five year high school reunion, eighteen of my old friends were there. I verymuch enjoyed catching up with their news, and I was extremely pleased that they remembered me sowell. They remembered that I had played Mother Theodore in the senior class play, which had beenpresented one evening at the University of the Pacific theatre. They also remembered that I had sung"Learning the Blues" at a singing contest in high school, where I was accompanied by the Saint Mary'sHigh School Band. I was a good student in high school, and I really learned to study, and that was a bighelp when I furthered my education after high school at Stockton College and University of the Pacific.When I was in high school I also was in an elocution contest when I was in my sophomore year. It was acontest, which was viewed by some of the parents of the students at an evening meeting of the parents'club. My mother brought me there, and she was sure I should have won the contest! It was nice havingher so confident of my abilities.I still enjoy an audience, and now I satisfy that need by reading from the scriptures to the congregationat my church. In years past I used to sing on Saint Patrick's Day with a big band at a dance and also sangsometimes at a piano bar. My specialty was a Janis Joplin song "Bobby McGee". It is amazing that I havedone all of that singing in public in view of the fact that I sustained a broken nose at the age of six yearsof age, and, after that traumatic injury, I could no longer sing with my old perfect pitch, but I did not letthat problem stop me at all. Finally, now I have had my broken nose repaired. It was done almost twoyears ago. Now I look much better, and I have not tried singing since then, but my voice may haveimproved, and my personal trainer at my health club says my speaking voice has improved since myrhinoplasty. When I was in high school I enjoyed my writing assignments and doing feature stories forthe school newspaper "The Kettle". When I was at Stockton College I did feature stories for thenewspaper there, and at University of the Pacific I also wrote for the school newspaper. One of the jobs Ithought I would like when I was a teenager was to be a newspaper reporter, but my aunt was afraidthat would be a bad environment for me because she said a lot of newspaper reporters were alcoholics.I always knew I did not want to be an alcoholic so I agreed with her that that was not a good job for meto have. When I was a senior in high school I was very worried about what I would do after high school,

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