The Power of Nonverbal communication and Body

Language

Good communication is the foundation of successful relationships, both personally and

professionally. But we communicate with much more than words. In fact, research shows that
the majority of our communication is nonverbal. Nonverbal communication, or body
language includes our facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and even the tone of
our voice.

The ability to understand and use nonverbal communication is a powerful tool that will help
you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and
build better relationships at home and work.

Nonverbal communication, or body language, is a vital form of communication. When we

interact with others, we continuously give and receive countless wordless signals. All of our
nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk,
how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages.

The way you listen, look, move, and react tell the other person whether or not you care and
how well you’re listening. The nonverbal signals you send either produce a sense of interest,
trust, and desire for connection—or they generate disinterest, distrust, and confusion.

Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles:

 Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally
 Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey
 Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes
can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do
 Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats
a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the
message
 Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for
example, can underline a message.

Source: The Importance of Effective Communication, Edward G. Wertheim, Ph.D.

Nonverbal communication and body language in
relationships
It takes more than words to create fulfilling, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication
has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. Nonverbal communication skills
improve relationships by helping you:

 Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken
messages they’re sending.
 Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match
up with your words.
 Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care.

Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even
knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are lost in our relationships.

Types of nonverbal communication and body language

There are many different types of nonverbal communication. Together, the following
nonverbal signals and cues communicate your interest and investment in others.

Facial expressions
The human face is extremely expressive, able to express countless emotions without saying a word.
And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial
expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

Body movements and posture

Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand up, or hold their
head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This
type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements.

Gestures
Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point, beckon, and use our hands
when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without
thinking. However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions, so it’s
important to be careful to avoid misinterpretation.

Eye contact
Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an especially important type of
nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate many things, including
interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of
conversation and for gauging the other person’s response.

Touch
We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the messages given by the following: a firm
handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, a reassuring pat on the back, a patronizing
pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your arm.
Space
Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was standing too
close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs
depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical
space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy, aggression,
dominance, or affection.

Voice

We communicate with our voices, even when we are not using words. Nonverbal speech
sounds such as tone, pitch, volume, inflection, rhythm, and rate are important communication
elements. When we speak, other people “read” our voices in addition to listening to our
words. These nonverbal speech sounds provide subtle but powerful clues into our true
feelings and what we really mean. Think about how tone of voice, for example, can indicate
sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it

 Intensity. A reflection of the amount of energy you project is considered your intensity.
Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as what you personally
prefer.
 Timing and pace. Your ability to be a good listener and communicate interest and
involvement is impacted by timing and pace.
 Sounds that convey understanding. Sounds such as “ahhh, ummm, ohhh,” uttered with
congruent eye and facial gestures, communicate understanding and emotional connection.
More than words, these sounds are the language of interest, understanding and compassion.

Tips for successful nonverbal communication:

 Take a time out if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress. Stress compromises your ability
to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send
off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of
behavior. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once
you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the
situation in a positive way.
 Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being
said. If you get the feeling that someone isn’t being honest or that something is “off,” you
may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues. Is the person is saying
one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are they telling you “yes”
while shaking their head no?
 Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single
gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are sending and receiving,
from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Are your nonverbal cues consistent—or
inconsistent—with what you are trying to communicate?
Nonverbal communication and body language: Common mistakes

 You’re not subtle. Be objective about your own observations to make sure you aren’t
offending others by broadly mimicking their speech or behavior. Remember, most people
instinctively send and interpret nonverbal signals all the time, so don’t assume you’re the only
one who’s aware of nonverbal undercurrents. Finally, stay true to yourself. Be aware of your
own natural style, and don’t adopt behavior that is incompatible with it.
 You bluff. Thinking you can bluff by deliberately altering your body language can do more
harm than good. Unless you’re a proficient actor, it will be hard to overcome your body’s
inability to lie. There will always be mixed messages, signs that your channels of
communication are not congruent. It’s a prime example of leakage, and something others will
detect, one way or another.
 You rush to accuse based on body language alone. Incorrect accusations based on
erroneous observations can be embarrassing and damaging and take a long time to overcome.
Always verify your interpretation with another communications channel before rushing in.
You could say something like, “I get the feeling you’re uncomfortable with this course of
action. Would you like to add something to the discussion?” This should draw out the real
message and force the individual to come clean or to adjust his or her body language.

Source: BNET Business Network

The Truth Behind the Smile and Other Myths - When Body Language Lies

Most people call it "body language"—the clues to the meaning and intent of communication
from others that we get from gesture, facial expression, posture—everything that isn't spoken.
The experts call it "nonverbal communication," but it amounts to the same thing: a second
source of human communication that is often more reliable or essential to understanding what
is really going on than the words themselves.

Or is it? Accurate knowledge of body language is essential for success in interpersonal

relations, whether in the business world or in personal life. However, much of our
understanding is instinctive—and a good deal of it is wrong, according to modern
communications research. What follows are some of the hardier myths, and the reality behind
them.

1. A liar can't look you straight in the eye.

There is a persistent belief that people with shifty eyes are probably lying. As Paul Ekman
says in his classic work, Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and
Marriage, "When we asked people how they would tell if someone were lying, squirming
and shifty eyes were the winners. [But] clues that everyone knows about, that involve
behavior that can be readily inhibited, won't be very reliable if the stakes are high and the liar
does not want to be caught."

Ekman goes on to argue against attributing too much meaning to such behavior for two
reasons. First of all, although this kind of nonverbal communication most reliably signals the
presence of some kind of emotion, that emotion may or may not mean that someone is lying.
Nervousness can, for example, manifest itself as shifty eyes. But there are many reasons for
nervousness. To understand what the behavior means, you still have to interpret the emotion.

Second, Ekman has found that one group in particular excels at making eye contact that
appears very sincere: pathological liars. Hence, it is not safe to rely on eye contact as a
measure of sincerity or truthfulness.

2. When meeting someone, the more eye contact, the better. This long-held belief is the
inverse of the idea that shifty-eyed people are liars. The result is an unfortunate tendency for
people making initial contact—as in a job interview, for example—to stare fixedly at the
other human. This behavior is just as likely to make the interviewer uncomfortable as not.
Most of us are comfortable with eye contact lasting a few seconds, but any eye contact that
persists longer than that can make us nervous. We assume that there is something else going
on—an attempt to initiate flirtatious behavior, perhaps. Indeed, studies on flirting show that
prolonged eye contact is an early step in the process.

3. Putting your hands behind your back is a power gesture. For years presentation
coaches have taught people to put their hands behind their backs in what is sometimes called
the "Prince Charles" stance, in the mistaken belief that the heir to the British throne is a good
model for strong body language. Since he's a prince, the thinking goes, and he stands that
way a lot, it must be powerful.
Actually, the research shows that most people find the gesture untrustworthy—if we can't see
what your hands are doing, we're suspicious. So if your goal is to increase trust in any given
situation, don't put your hands behind your back.

4. "Steepling" your fingers shows that you're intellectual. Again, this technique is one that
has been taught by many speech coaches. A good deal of research over the years correlates
hand gestures toward the lower part of the face with thinking—stroking the chin, propping
the chin in the hand, putting a finger on the cheek. If thinking is a sign of intellectualism, we
should presumably be demonstrating this trait by indulging in a lot of hand-to-face contact.

The experts distinguish between "emblems," which are gestures with specific meanings in
certain cultures, and gestures, which are intended to assist meaning but lack specific content.
An example of an emblem is the hand sign that indicates "OK" in the United States. The
same emblem has an obscene meaning in some Mediterranean countries.

An example of a gesture is the waving of hands we all indulge in when searching for a word.
Steepling falls somewhere in between; it is a gesture without any specific meaning, but it is
more deliberate than a mere waving of the hands. The best that can be said about it is that it
may signal intellectual pretensions on the part of the communicator!

5. High-status people demonstrate their dominance of others by touching them. Another

widely accepted belief is that powerful people in society—often men—show their dominance
over others by touching them in a variety of ways. In fact, the research shows that in almost
all cases, lower-status people initiate touch. And women initiate touch more often than men
do.

In his book The Right Touch: Understanding and Using the Language of Physical Contact,
Stanley E. Jones describes a study of a public health organization: "The group studied was a
detoxification clinic, a place where alcoholism is treated. This was an ideal setting in which
to study status, sex roles, and touching.… [The] findings showed two clear trends. First,
women on the average initiated more touches to men than vice versa. Second, touching
tended to flow upwards, not downwards, in the hierarchy."

6. People smile when they're happy. People smile for all sorts of reasons, only one of which
is to signal happiness. Ekman describes many kinds of smiles, from the "felt" or true smile to
the fear smile, the contempt smile, the dampened smile, the miserable smile, and a number of
others. Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History, says, "Smiling is innate and
appears in infants almost from birth....The first smiles appear two to twelve hours after birth
and seem void of content. Infants simply issue them, and they help parents bond. We
respond; they don't know what they're doing. The second phase of smiling begins sometime
between the fifth week and fourth month. It is the "social smile," in which the infant smiles
while fixing its gaze on a person's face."

Whatever their origin or motivation, smiles have a powerful effect on us humans. As McNeill
points out, "Though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers
guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the 'smile-leniency effect.'"
7. Voices rise when speakers are angry. Again, nonverbal communication reliably signals
the presence of emotion, but not the specific emotion. A rising voice is associated with a
variety of emotions, including anger, but also nervousness, fear, excitement, hysteria, and
others. You must always consider the communicator and the context carefully. Experts like
Ekman warn that unless you have a good understanding of someone's basic communication
patterns, you will have little hope in accurately deciphering the person's less routine signals.

"The best-documented vocal sign of emotion is pitch," says Ekman. And yet he also says,
"While most of us believe that the sound of the voice tells us what emotion a person feels,
scientists studying the voice are still not certain."

8. You can't trust a fast-talking salesman. The belief that speed and deception go together
is a widespread and enduring one. From the rapid patter of Professor Hill in The Music Man
to the absurdly fast speech of the FedEx guy in the TV commercial from a few years back,
we react strongly—and suspiciously—to fast talk. People talk at an average rate of 125 to 225
words per minute; at the upper end of that range listeners typically find themselves beginning
to resist the speaker. However, as Ekman says, the opposite is greater cause for suspicion.
Speech that is slow, because it is laced with pauses, is a more reliable indicator of deception
than the opposite.

"The most common vocal deception clues are pauses," says Ekman. "The pauses may be too
long or too frequent. Hesitating at the start of a speaking turn, particularly if the hesitation
occurs when someone is responding to a question, may arouse suspicion. So may shorter
pauses during the course of speaking if they occur often enough. Speech errors may also be a
deception clue. These include nonwords, such as 'ah,' 'aaa,' and 'uhh'; repetitions, such as 'I, I,
I mean I really...'; and partial words, such as ‘I rea-really liked it.'

"These vocal clues to deceit—speech errors and pauses—can occur for two related reasons.
The liar may not have worked out her line ahead of time. If she did not expect to lie, or if she
was prepared to lie but didn't anticipate a particular question, she may hesitate or make
speech errors. But these can also occur when the line is well prepared. High detection
apprehension may cause the prepared liar to stumble or forget her line."

Most of the research into nonverbal communications shows that people are not very good at
masking their feelings. Emotions do leak out regularly, in many ways. And yet, the research
also shows that most of us are not as good at decoding those emotions as we would like to
think. Young people are significantly worse at both signaling emotions and reading them.
Although we do learn as we grow older, we should remain wary; in the end, body language
conveys important but unreliable clues about the intent of the communicator. The more
information you can get about the clues you are trying to decode, the more likely you will be
to decode them correctly.
Basic things to know when communicating in different countries

CANADA

 It is polite to maintain good eye contact. Men rise when women enter the room. It is
considered bad manners to eat while on the street.
 No excessive gesturing.
 People stand about a half-meter apart when conversing.
 Women greet with a slight nod.
 Men greet with a firm handshake.

MEXICO

 Hands on hips is a sign of hostility.

 Patience is important.
 Women (initiate the handshake) and men greeting with a warm and soft handshake.
 With friends, men greet with the abrazo, a slight hug with a few pats on the back; women
lightly hug and pretend to kiss the cheek.

ARGENTINA

 To make a toast, raise your glass (of red wine) and say "Salud". When finished eating, cross
fork and knife in the middle of the plate.
 To raise a fist in the air with knuckles pointed outwards is an expression of victory.
 Stand closer than North Americans or Europeans do when conversing.
 It is rude to yawn in public. Always pour with the right hand, never the left. Never pour
wine by grasping the neck of the bottle with the hand and rotating the hand backwards so
that the palm turns upward. Hands on hips translate to hostility or challenge. An obscene
male gesture is to slap the inside of the thigh near the groin.
 A warm handshake, and with friends, a light touch on the forearm or elbow.
 Good friends will greet with an "abrazo".

BRAZIL

 Use good eye contact when conversing. Business cards are often exchanged, and business
meetings usually serve strong black coffee.
 To say, There arent any more, vendors will place their fingers extended and flip the thumb
back and forth. Snapping fingers and whipping the hand down and out emphasize
statements.
 Brazilians will pinch the earlobe between thumb and forefinger to express appreciation.
 People stand relatively close when conversing or waiting in line.
 Handshakes are warm; people tend to be affectionate.
 Greetings are carried out with handshakes accompanied with touching of the forearm,
elbows, and pats on the back.

CHILE

 Men rise when women enter the room. Yawns should be stifled or covered. Wine must be
poured with the right hand.
 Holding the palm upward and then spreading the fingers signals that someone is stupid.

COSTA RICA

 Local people bathe many times a day and guests are also expected to.
 A rude gesture is to form a fist with the thumb protruding out between the index and middle
finger. Fidgeting hands and feet are impolite.
 Like other Latin countries, men greet with the abrazo and women will kiss the cheek.

SAUDI ARABIA

 Women are not allowed to drive. Avoid showing the sole of the shoe; it is considered the
lowest and dirtiest part of the body. IT is not p[roper to expose bare shoulders, stomach, or
legs.
 Holding hands or taking someones elbow is a sign of respect and friendship.
 It is disrespectful to cross legs. To place the palm down, fingers spread, with your index
finger bent down and pointing outward is to insult someone.
 Shaking the head from side to side means yes.
 By tipping the head backward and clicking the tongue, people signal no.
 Elders tend to greet by saying, Salaam; men greet with a hug and a cheek kiss. Veiled
women are not introduced.

EGYPT

 Right hand is designated for eating and the left for bodily hygiene. Half closed eyes do not
express boredom. Often women will walk slightly behind the men. People smoke and public;
it is polite to offer cigarettes to those near by. Do not eat everything on your plate when
dining. Also, only eat finger food with the right hand.
 To ask, Would you sleep with me? tap two index fingers together, side-by-side.
 Men and women stand relatively further apart, but men will stand closer together.
 It is rude to show the sole of your shoe.
 Handshakes are followed by a touch on the elbow.

SOUTH AFRICA

 Cover mouth when yawning.

 Holding hands out in a cupped manner means that, "The gift you may give me (for carrying
your bags) will mean so much that I must hold it in two hands"; this action is often done by
porters.
 Handshake is the most common form of greeting.
AUSTRALIA

 Men do not express emotions. Cover your mouth when yawning, and then say, Excuse me.
Good sportsmanship is highly respected.
 By turning the glass upside down and placing the glass squarely on the bar, you are saying
that you can win a fight against anyone at the bar.

CHINA

 People stand extremely close when conversing. Surprise is expressed with a quick and loud
inhalation of air. Silence is respected. Hosts will often refuse a gift many times before
acceptance; this is proper. The main guest always sits at the head of a table, with their back
to the door, and the special guest always sits to the left of the host.
 Greeting is usually just a slight nod and bow. Sometimes people will applaud; this should be
responded with applause.

JAPAN

 Listening is a sign of politeness. When you receive the business card from the Japanese host,
be sure to examine it carefully and avoid quickly putting it away. Place it on the table in
front of you for further reference. Hold your business card with both hands, grasping it
between the thumbs and forefingers. Present it with the printing pointing towards the person
to which you are giving the card, and bow slightly. Your host will accept the card with both
hands; bow slightly and then read the card carefully.
 The ok sign is a money sign in Japan. Waving a hand, palm outward, in front of your face
conveys, I dont understand or I dont deserve this.

ENGLAND

 To signal a waiter for the bill, make a motion with both hands of signing your name on a
paper. Privacy is very important; do not stare. Tipping at bars is rare.
 Loud behavior is considered rude. The victory sign with your palm facing in is considered
vulgar.
 Never cut in line.

FRANCE

 Business cards are often exchanged. Signal a waiter by tipping your head back and saying
Monsieur. Catch a taxi by snapping your fingers. Eat sandwiches and fruit with a knife and
fork.
 The ok sign means, zero. To indicate someone is drunk, form a circle with your thumb and
forefinger and place it over your nose. Playing a pretend flute says that another is being loud
and annoying.
 Chewing gum, yawning, scratching, having loud conversations, and resting feet on furniture
are all considered rude. To express disapproval of anothers driving, raise your hand in the
air, fingers up, and rotate your hand back and forth.
 To make a vulgar gesture, snap the fingers of both hands, or slap an open palm over a
closedfist.
 Light and quick handshake; women offer hand first.

SPAIN

 It is proper for men to cross their legs; it is considered unfeminine for women to. Eye contact
may denote romantic interest.
 Stretch your arm out, with your palm downward, and make a scratching motion toward your
body with the fingers to beckon for someone.
 The ok sign is obscene.
 Men and women always shake hands.
 Both men and women use the abrazo to greet; women may accompany that with a check
kiss.

( source : Cultural Gestures by Charlene Wu)