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CLUEmodel1.SS'11

CLUEmodel1.SS'11

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ChiraHuskyLiteratureandSociety–Dr.SherrySeptember26,2010
CollegeLifeUnderExaminationatBloomsburgUniversity
Whatestablishesstudentsintoindividuals
Allstudentscometocollegeforacommon,singlepurpose
 
;adegree.Butiswhatwe’regainingfromourtimeatBloomsburgUniversitymorethanwhatwehadintendedtogetoutofouryearsspenthere
 
?IexaminedthecollegeculturehereatBloomsburgtoaddressthisthought.TheethnographicdataIcollectedshowsthatBloomsburgstudentsareearningmorethanjustthecredentialswecameherefor;we’reexperiencinganewwayofliving,anewculture,that’smoldinguseachintoindividuals.AsamodelformyresearchIreadseveralpassagesfromMichaelMoffatt’sandRebekahNathan’sethnographies.MoffattandNathanarebothanthropologistsandcollegeprofessorswhoenrolledin
 
tocollegeasfreshmeninordertostudythebehaviorofcollegestudentsandcollegelife.Theybothaddressedseveralcommontopics,suchasdormlife,community,diversityand
 
,racism,however;thetopicaboutformalandinformaleducationinterestedmethemost.InMoffatt’s
ComingofAge
 
sheuncoversthatstudent
 
’sformalandinformallearningexperiencescharacterizemodernundergraduatecollegelife(Moffatt,p.54)
 
.
Collegefromthestudents'pointofviewwasacombinationofacademicandoutside-the-c
 
1assroomeducation.Academiclearninggaveyouthecredentialsyouneededtoprogresstowardagoodcareer,andperhapsitmadeyouabroader,moreknowledgeableperson.Outside-the-classroomeducation,ontheotherhand,wasoftenthegreaterinfluenceonyour personaldevelopment,manyofthestudentsbelieved 
”(Moffatt,p.54
 
)
 
Sheinterviewedstudentsaboutwhichtheyfeltweremoreimportant;academiclearningorextracurricularlearning.AfterreadingthispassageIaskedmyselfthesamequestion,butIwasn’tabletochoosejustoneofthetwostylesoflearning.ThismademecuriousifouroriginalpurposeforenrollingintoBloomsburg,whichwasforadegreeforouracademiceducation,hasshiftedtofocuslargelyonthe
 
Michael Sherry
1/20/11 5:43 AM
Comment [1]:
Chira,Ilikethatyou’veusedfonts,headings,andcolorstocreateCONTRASTandREPETITIONasawaytoorganizeyourworkandmakeiteasierforreaderstofollowtheflowofyourideas
Intheargumentbelow,Iunderstandthatsociallife,asmuchasacademics,playsaroleinstudents’collegeeducation:itmakesthemmoreresponsibleandself-reliant.Isthisthesameas“individual”?Whatistherelationshipbetweenparticipationinthesharedcultureofasocialgroupand“individuality”?
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:52 AM
Comment [2]:
PCT(punctuation)Typicallya“;”isusedtoconnecttwocompletebutrelatedideas.A“:”isusedtoconnectanelaborationorexampleofapreviousidea.
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:53 AM
Comment [3]:
Ilikethatyoumakethisaninquiryintotheunexpected,ratherthanaforegoneconclusion—that’sanengagingpartofwhatfollows,too
Couldyoubemorespecific?(e.g.,“…morethantheacademicdegreewehadintended…”)
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:54 AM
Comment [4]:
See#1
... [1]
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:54 AM
Comment [5]:
WC(wordchoice)
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:54 AM
Comment [6]:
PCT
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:55 AM
Comment [7]:
See#2
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:55 AM
Comment [8]:
he
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:55 AM
Comment [9]:
S/PL(singular/plural)
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:56 AM
Comment [10]:
AnexcellentINtroductiontothisquote:sayswhatit’saboutwithoutgivingaway
 
... [2]
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:56 AM
Comment [11]:
Typo?
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:58 AM
Comment [12]:
AnexcellentquotetoINsertasanimpetusforyourstudy
... [3]
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:59 AM
Comment [13]:
FORM(format)
... [4]
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:59 AM
Comment [14]:
SVA(subject-verbagreement)“…which(one)…were”
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 11:59 AM
Comment [15]:
PCT(see#2)
 
ChiraHuskyLiteratureandSociety–Dr.SherrySeptember26,2010informaleducationexperiencesaswell.ToexplorethisideaIsurveyedstudentsaboutseveraltopicstheninterpretedthedatatoformaconclusion.
Decisionstogotocollege
TostartmyresearchIwantedtofindoutwhystudentsmadetheinitialdecisiontoenrollintocollegeinthefirstplace.Theconclusionofthisdatawillbecomparedtodatagatheredlater,studentsresponded:
“Iobviouslywanttobesuccessfuland,withoutgraduatingcollegetherearen’ttoomany promisingcareersoutthere.It’sprettymuchrequirednow;it’ssomethingalmostallofusneedtodo” 
(sophomorefemale
 
).
“Iwanttobeateacher,andinordertodothatIhavetogetthenecessarycredentials”
(juniorfemale).

Bothstudents’original
 
thoughtsforenrollingintocollegewereverysimilar.Thecommonthemeinstudents’
 
reasonsforchoosingcollegerevolvedaroundtheirdesireforacollegediploma.Theseresponseswereexpectedbecausethepurepurposeofgoingtocollegeistogetahighereducation.Inadditiontowantingtoacquireadiploma,students’responsescomparedinthatneithermentioneda
 
wantforanyformofextracurriculareducation.ThisdetailchangeslaterasBUstudentsrevealtothemselvestheimportanceoftheknowledgethey’vegainedasaresultofinformallearning.
Devotingtimeincollege
Afterestablishingstudent’soriginalthoughtsongoingtocollegeIwanteddetailedinformationonhowtheyspendtheirtimeatBloom.
 
Morespecifically,Iwascuriousifstudentsspentthemajorityoftheirtimefocusingonwhattheyhadsaidwastheiroriginalintention
 
ofenrolling,whichwasgettingtheircollegedegree.InordertoevaluatehowmuchtimestudentsspentontheiracademicsIinterviewedandconstructedtimechartsforthreeBloomsburgUniversitystudents’averageday.SophomoreFemale:ActivitySleepingClassGymEatingComputerTVStudyingPersonalHours83232231
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:02 PM
Comment [16]:
IlikehowyourheadingandyourinitialexplanationsINtroducethepointofthissection
andsetupalaterrevisionofthatpoint
PCT/RO(run-on)Thismakesitsoundlikestudentsrespondedbysayingthattheconclusionwillbecompared…etc.
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:03 PM
Comment [17]:
Ilikehowyou’veINsertedtheserelevantexamplesselectedfromyourinterviews
Howaretheclasslevelandgenderofthesestudentsrelevanttoyourargument?
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:04 PM
Comment [18]:
WC(wordchoice)
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:04 PM
Comment [19]:
Thisisabetterword,Ithink
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:04 PM
Comment [20]:
WC
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:06 PM
Comment [21]:
PCTConventionally,whenasentencebeginswithawordlike“after”or“when”that’spartofaclausewhichcan’tstandonits’own,itneedsacommato“hook”ittotheotherhalfwhich
can
standonitsown.
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:07 PM
Comment [22]:
Lovehowyouhelpthereadernarrowinonthisideaandintheprocessjustifyyourmethods,makingyourselfsoundlikearigorousandcredibleresearcherwhofollowsuponthedatatoseeifitholdsinothersituations!
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:06 PM
Comment [23]:
WC
 
ChiraHuskyLiteratureandSociety–Dr.SherrySeptember26,2010JuniorFemale:ActivitySleepingClassGymEatingComputerTVMusicPersonalHours93121414SeniorMale:ActivitySleepingClassGymEatingComputerTVPorchPersonalHours91231314Aftercomparingthetimecharts,Iwassurprisedtofindthatstudentsspentmoreoftheirtimedoingextracurricularorpersonalactivities,ratherthanacademics.Iwasveryinterestedwhystudentsspendlesstimeonwhattheypreviouslysaidwasimportanttothem
 
.Thetimediariesshowusashiftoffocusfromacademictoextracurricularengagement.ToanalyzetheshiftofinterestIaskedtwoBUstudentswhytheyspendmostoftheirdayonextracurricularactivities:
“MypersonalexperienceshavedefinitelyinfluencedmealotsinceI’vebeenhere.I’mmoreresponsiblethenIwasbeforeIgottocollege,I’mindependent;Iliveonmyownandmakemyowndecisionsnow.Isetmyprioritiesandmanagemytimesprettygood.Igettoclass,haveagoodGPA,domylaundry,clean,eat,workout,andstillhavetimetogooutandhaveagreattimewithmyfriendsafewnightsaweek.I’vedevelopedskills,onmyown,thatI’mgunnabeusingtherestofmylife” 
(SophomoreFemale).
“I’mexperiencinglifeindependentlyandlearningfrommymistakes.IhavefriendshipsherethatIknowwillbelife-long.IhavemyprioritiessetandI’verealizedwhat’sreallyimportanttome.Igetgoodgradesandallbut,formeBloomisbiggerthanjustacademics,it’sdevelopedmeasanindividual’ 
(JuniorFemale).BloomsburgUniversitystudentsarelearninglifeskillsthroughtheirownpersonalexperiences.Unintentionally,theirfocusatcollegehasgrownfromentirelyacademic-based,toincludeextracurricularinvolvementaswell.Daytodayroutinesassimple
 
sasjustgettingtoclass,managingfinancesandtime,eating,andgettingassignmentsdoneontimearesmall,yetcrucialskillscurrentstudentswillneedtousefortherestoftheirlives
 
.
 
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:10 PM
Comment [24]:
Ilikethatyou’veINterpretedthesedatabycharacterizingthemforthereader
Sincewhatprecedesthisisintabularform,itmightbeworthwhiletobemoreexplicit:“…extracurricularorpersonalactivities(likewatchingTVandlisteningtomusic)ratherthanacademics(likegoingtoclass).”
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:10 PM
Comment [25]:
WM(wordmissing)
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:12 PM
Comment [26]:
Thissentence,andthelastonebeforethequotebelow,seemlikeanewtopic—newparagraph?
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:12 PM
Comment [27]:
Ilikethatyouemphasizethecontrastbetweentheearlierresultandthisone
Doyoumeanthatstudents’prioritieshaveshiftedcomparedtoearlierdecades(asNathanandMoffattmightargue)?Orthatyourfocusshiftedasaresearcher?“shift”suggestsaction,ratherthansimplycontrast….
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:14 PM
Comment [28]:
ThisINterpretationstillcharacterizesthedataaboveit
butnotasspecificallyasthepreviousexamples.Canyouindicatewhatinthequoteshelpedyoureachthisconclusion—
show 
thereaderhowthismeanswhatyousayitdoes?
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:14 PM
Comment [29]:
PCT
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:14 PM
Comment [30]:
S/PL
Michael Sherry
10/9/10 12:15 PM
Comment [31]:
Ilikehowyoupointoutthesespecificsfromthequotes—movetoearlier,justafterthequotes?

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