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Reasons to Dump Your Disney Prince (Happy Valentine's Day ... sort of)

Reasons to Dump Your Disney Prince (Happy Valentine's Day ... sort of)

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Published by kathleen

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Published by: kathleen on Feb 01, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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07/07/2012

 
Reasons to Dump Your Disney Prince
By Kathleen Fitzgerald
The Prince (“Snow White”)
Falling in love with a raven-haired maidsimply because she sings nicely whileperforming manual labor does not bode wellfor your future interactions with Mexicanhousekeepers.
The Prince (“Cinderella”)
Over/under odds that this one’s really a drugallegory. Poor girl spends most of her teenyears down on her knees working for “the man.” At some point, homegirl befriends fellowhoodrats (mice), finds a fairy godmother togive her slippers made of “glass”(methamphetamine), and convinces an older manof unearned wealth (pimp) to take care of her.Where to begin …
The Beast (“Beauty and the Beast”)
Unless you’re a furry, there’s not much pointto spending time with a guy who looks like Alf’s taller, fatter, angrier uncle … and whothrows snowballs like a little girl.
 
 
Li Shang (“Mulan”)
Didn’t remember this warrior-prince atall, but a quick Wikipedia searchdescribes him as the guy who “abandons [aninjured] Mulan on the mountain” after shereveals her lady parts to him. 2011translation: this is the guy who won’tcall you after the one-night stand.
 Aladdin (“Aladdin”)
Having daddy issues is cute when you’re17 and blaring Avril Lavigne whilerunning around a high school track. Ifyou’re a grown woman rocking MC Hammerpants and looking for a husband, there’snothing cute about marrying the hustlerin the purple vest.
John Smith (“Pocahontas”)
Scenario: Your Mom’s dead, your Dad doesn’tknow how to have “the talk” with you. What’sa Native American girl to do? Why not startdiddling the racist guy!If you ever find yourself singing “Colors ofthe Wind” to convince your Nazi-ish boyfrienthat your skin hue is natural and beautiful,it’s time to search for new land.

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Wei Ting added this note
Haha this is pretty good! I still love Disney but these are the kind of comments that make me go "Shut up!" but laugh non-stop. Try one about the princesses? haha
kervin_3 added this note
A sense of humor I can appreciate.
David G Terrell added this note
Very nice...
Shyam Adrift added this note
he! he!
Helen Winslow Black added this note
HYSTERICAL! Ooh Kathleen. Still waters run deep! Must be that West Coast influence, and the new layered cut. You go. My favorite: "The Prince," not least because this comic gem is delivered as one single mellifluous sentence.
Steve U added this note
Hilarious...and you've ruined Disney for me!
kathleen added this note
i'm sorry and you're welcome.
kara_duckworth liked this

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